JW Ep 176 - Yannis Pappas

Santino! This Friday. Oh my goodness. Oh, crotch.

This is way too much. All truth. I just can't believe we're in a job, but do that to you! We'll be revealed.

It's just a rose, episode 5. Yeah, I feel like, you know, I've barely gotten to talk to you this episode. Every time we've come back in, there's just been different people kind of in our chairs. Mm.

Panther, activate. We're going just straight in the horror attribute. Yeah. I want you to pills and be quiet.

I'm excited. I'm excited. I didn't know whether you were excited or you were a long holler with COVID. That sounded like you were struggling to get deep cough.

Yeah. That's when you know if you had COVID and you are a long holler, but you still want to do comedy, that's the love of the game. Oh yeah. If you're doing the pocket like, garage door closed, are you kidding me?

You got an inhaler? We got to notice Papa's on the show today. I'll be in Cleveland on... If you guys got hilarious, it's a really good club.

It's really good. It's really good. When COVID had COVID long holler websites, just like those herpes websites, where people with long holler symptoms could meet each other, and just share inhalers, planningacoffs.com. Yeah.

I mean, we, the world has changed. Oh yeah. Yeah. Especially since the last time.

Especially since you have a baby. You have a baby. We have babies. We're dads.

That was... That was the beginning of a show. You have to take that smile off your face. They're two dads.

One lives in, one ends in New York. But their friendship happens on Zoom. Mm. Do you think that's coming next?

A Zoom sitcom? No. I usually, I'm a usual yes-hander with lamb-prove, but people hate Zoom so much. I will say though, you are one of the only guests during that pandemic time that I had on genuinely, that I liked the episode even though it was on Zoom.

Because there's not many episodes that I, you know, not that I'm gonna discourage you from watching those Zoom episodes that we did in this last year, but Yannes' episode is really good just because we didn't have any tech issues and we were just moving the whole time. Yeah, yeah, and also Jeremiah wonders the podcast can go anywhere. Oh yeah. It's a fun house.

Yeah, you can throw a wig on, you can throw a hat on, things happen. Yannes likes to do character pieces. Yannes does, you know. So we always have a good time.

We always have a good time. And I was actually thinking about this. I put in a call to one of my old friends. He works at the fire department out here in West Hollywood.

I don't know, we're pretty close to West Hollywood right now. Yeah, I can smell it from here. Yeah, gay sex has an aroma. It has a scent.

A musk, if you will. And yeah, lube. Yes, lube. Yes, slippered lube.

It's slippery. It's a slippery and it has an aroma. It does. And I was thinking I would maybe call him over here and maybe we could get one of your buddies from the East Coast.

Sean Tyre? Yeah, maybe we could get him to come on the podcast. Yeah, I love to come on the podcast. I like being here.

The thing is, I fucking, you know, I was with the girls. The fucking, you know, my fucking wife, she wants to go. You guys go on fucking vacation, right? We can't go to fucking Florida right now.

Because it's too fucking wide open. And she had fucking COVID. I didn't fucking believe in COVID. But then my fucking wife got it and they had to put on a fucking inhale.

So right now we can't go down to Florida. Because usually we go fucking vacation in Orlando. But you know what I said? I said, I got a good buddy out there fucking latter six, nine.

OK, I don't remember his name. I just called fucking fruit cup. I called Mr. Fruitcakes.

Fuck, I went in there. I met the guys. Quarter quarter quarter. If you want to fuck all guys.

OK, because over there they got five people. They got fire all genders. They're not called firemen. You can't call them fucking firemen.

They fucking lost their edges. And they fucking throw your present. They fucking come out of ours. So I went over there and they fucking a firehouse.

And they fire people there. They said, come over here. You're welcome. I said, fuck, I want to see my guy.

My guy. He came to New York. I can't remember his name. Like, I told you, I just called him Fruitcups.

I said, where's the fruit cup? And then they fucking all stood up. All right, they all fucking looked alike, because they had the fucking Waldo ads on. And the fuck is his fenders.

And I say, where's my guy? Mr. Fruitcups. I put the guy in quotes.

And they said he's over fucking here. And I go over there and guess what he is. He's fucking watching the Tina Turner musical on fucking his phone. He's sitting there.

And I said, what are you guys doing to wait for a fire? Because me when I fucking cook the chicken brain, jay, we fucking watch Angels and the officials. And a lot of other movies don't tell of it. I like to show coach.

I watch fucking reruns of coach. I said, what do you fucking guys do out here? What's the hell are you doing to the fire? He says, I watch Tina Turner on my fucking phone.

And here he is. This fucking guy. Hi. What the fuck is he doing?

It's going to see you again. Now the thing is, we got a lot of time because we're firefighters. We've had fires. We have different techniques, but we still get it out the same way.

Yeah, we do. I forgot my hat. I was supposed to put this fucking hat on, right? It's OK.

Yeah. You look good. You know what? Oh, yeah.

Red and yellow is your color. See, we get a little cold out here in LA. So we were beaming year round. Even though when it's summertime, and it might be considered hot other places, we like to keep our heads nice and fuzzy and warm.

So like, what do you want to become a fire fire in West Hollywood? What's like the test? You have to carry any laces. Is it tested same as the New York?

OK, well, you know, there's that act that then every apartment building. OK, most people are like bashing through. But they give us little keys. And we open it with our pinkies.

And we turn the knob and we go, hi, little axe. And we grab it. And then we break down the door. But first we ask the door if we have permission.

You always want to ask permission if you're going to break into somebody's house, even if it's the wood that's with standing the door. Yeah. So you've got to ask for consent, even if you want to put up somebody else's fire. Yeah, it's true.

Yeah. Even if it's a dog or a cat in there, you have to wait for it. Or some kind of river of. Yeah.

I mean, that seems a little too politically correct. Now, what if the fucking house is on fire? Nobody can give you consent because you're fucking coughing. Then you just let the fucking thing burn.

I mean, ashes to ashes, dust to dust. I like men and so do butts. I like butts. Yeah, so like, all right, so you're father didn't try to fix what you got.

Am I part in? Did you ever? I mean, I'm just trying to, I'm trying to mean fix what I got. What do you mean by that?

I mean, I'm just saying, like, for me, you know, I'm just curious what you mean. I'm just saying, if you were my kid, right? And I was like, what's your father or five or something? Or like, what, you just started on your own?

He was a civil war re-enactor. Oh, that makes sense. OK, so he didn't like try to throw your football and nothing to fix it? Well, he threw a football at me many times.

Yeah. But it wasn't so much a game of catch because it was in the back of my head many times. So I didn't work the football. The football had a catch.

He used to have a fucking, he couldn't cure it. No, but he did teach me also. I do know how to snap. I do like to get right behind there and just be like, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, I'm just saying, if I was your father, if I was your father, I would have tried a little harder to maybe go like, look, we're going to try to fix this thing.

Maybe you know, I don't know. They tried to football, maybe did you eat meat? Oh, I eat a lot of meat. But you don't talk about that.

No, no, no. I eat a lot of meat. Did he take it out back? Snake, how's that gonna fix it though?

Let's say I ate out a lot of outbacks. You ate? Yeah. Well, you know what?

Did he drink a cold beer with you? You know, he tried to have like a beer with me, you know, like my first beer when I was like 13 years old because that's like how old you are in my family when you got offered your first beer. But you threw it away in this for a martini? I did, how did you know?

I fucking knew where this was going. You're right away. You fucking got one of those sections, city fucking martinis. I did.

So maybe there's no fix. I mean, you're such a Samantha, by the way. Oh, do you? Oh, no, that means.

Do you have Corvid 19? Yeah, I got it again. But it's six times. Oh, nice.

I also got asbestos infections. Oh, I didn't know if that was house fire lungs or if that was just an allergy or what you had. Well, it's a mixture of both. You know, like when you fucking sometimes you gotta go into somebody's fucking low income neighborhoods and it's got to fucking, they got asbestos and sealants.

What do you mean by low income neighborhoods? Like how about you describe that as? I would describe those neighborhoods as nowadays you gotta say, you know, systematically oppressed neighborhoods that have been systematically, they don't have the opportunities. You know, that's one way.

Or you could just call it a dangerous fucking neighborhood. I would like to systematically oppress you. Yeah, I don't, you know, I don't go that way. I don't bat, I'm not switching.

Are you married? I'm fucking married, I'm not left handed. I'm fucking right, I'm bad on the right side. I don't bat on the fucking left side.

Oh, I bat in the middle. Yeah, and you ain't seeing my bat. I'll take that right now. And I also bat with my mouth.

Sometimes I just, well that's your catcher's myth. Yes, yeah, and yeah, my bat. I've got multiple catchers in it. How about this?

I'm an octopus with catcher's myth. Unless you say we play different sports. Well, I'm just trying to get you out on my team because you know, I went out to New York and you showed me the ropes out there. And I'm just showing you how we do things out here in my salary with that ladder six nine.

Yeah, so you told me later you were gonna take me to somebody's establishment down there in West Hollywood. And I took you to the Abbey, that was really fun. Yeah, that was weird for me because there was no girls and except my wife. Yeah, that's the only thing, is the only girl that's in that club is on the outside of me.

What's the guy? What's the guy that's Abbey? Yeah, you told me to say her pronouns were her, but I said, you know what? That fucking girl's bigger than me.

I mean, so to me it was a guy but you told me that was a girl. So I counted one fucking guy and I even was in the dress. Yeah, we went and did some cocaine in the bathroom and that was very exciting. You know, the thing people tell me, I'm not, they say Sean, you're not fucking progressive enough to go there.

But I think I'm fucking pretty progressive. You fit in really nicely there. Yeah, like I'm fucking progressive. Really?

I'm okay with women voting. I mean, that's good. Yeah, Sean. Yeah.

I mean, is there any other things that you're working on? Because honestly, that to me is not personally that progressive. That's just kind of how you should be. Yeah, well, I think in Catholic school, I think it's okay if the guys and the girls fucking maybe do one or two classes together.

That's pretty fucking progressive. That's pretty progressive. That's pretty progressive. Like maybe you have like the guys over here, the girls over here, maybe they come together for like fucking dance once a year.

I mean, that's fucking pretty progressive. Yeah, that's pretty progressive. Yeah, and I don't mind that there's people of all the religions who aren't got to live on the planet. Okay, then what would you say?

What would you say if you had a son that was like me? I tried to self him back in there. You put him back in the hurt locker? I tried to put him back in there.

You know, it's like when you do a slot machine, I would try to fucking put more quarters in the try again. No, what I would do is I tried to slot machine in college and she was not my type. I think what I would do, excuse me, I would fucking love you cause you're my son. And I would keep reminding you that you're my son and I would capitalize on someone and I'd say, please remember you're my son.

Can you stuff like that like? And I'd ask you please put a fucking shirt on cause it's making me uncomfortable. But I came into this world with no shirt on. So why is that so strange and so like awkward for you?

I just don't really understand what makes you so uncomfortable for me as a fellow man looking at you. Sure, listen, this is the West Hollywood uniform for the fire department out here and slowly you are integrating into our culture, Mr. Shonderry, you are wearing a beanie right now. I may say you look more adorable than ever.

Yeah, look, well, you know, you gave me this free vacation here to kind of check out your culture here. I won the prices right and let's just say I gave him my plane ticket out here. Yeah, I mean, you know, he did a good thing for me and the family wanted to get away. We could go to Orlando cause the wife's called and sent him.

So I'm just happy to fucking be here. And you know what we got, we went to the beach, went to the fucking Manhattan beach, but it's fucking pricey. I mean, everything's pricey. I mean Manhattan beach, we also went to Venice.

We got some things from the boardwalk there and we went to the Santa Monica Pier and ate at Bubba Gump's shrimp house. Now that's a fancy joint. Oh, that's very fancy. Yeah, I, Bubba Gump's that that's fucking go for it.

I didn't know that you had as many Forrest Gump trivia facts as you did. You knew a lot of the questions at the waiter was trying to stump us. And Mr. Shonderry over here, just like Rain Man himself was just rattling off facts about Forrest Gump's.

I'm a big fucking Tom Hanks fan. I'm also a fan of his fucking kid chat acts and kid is little on Instagram. You know my favorite Tom Hanks movie? Uh, Philadelphia.

I was about the guy's not, yeah. I was about the fucking guy's not. And also the terminal. Terminal's another go when you guys trapped in the fucking area.

It also casts away. I should not go. We trapped in the fucking, I mean this guy. If we were on a desert island, we have deserted island and it was just us and there's no way of getting out of there, would you maybe, maybe consider an SOS and then getting into it with me?

No, I mean you're fucking going to a fog. I would rather fuck one of the animals on an island than fucking be real man. What I would do is I build a fucking wall between mine and your side of the fucking island. I'd say it would just be like a, it would be like Fire Island.

There's one side for families and fucking one side where you guys can have your fucking drag shows. Let me actually, I'm here for vacation. Do they got an all inclusive Venice for the beach? I need to fucking all the closets.

It's just too expensive. I know it gets really, really expensive out here. Is there an all-clusive part of the beach where I can just fucking put a wristband on and get what I want? It's not really, that's more like a Florida thing.

That's not really a California thing. I gotta get out of here because I get a fucking afforded here. I understand. Well, I appreciate that you have given me your time on just hanging out with us out here in West Hollywood and I'm going to recommend you to be Sergeant out here.

Whenever you come, you have a welcome floor mat ready to walk through at any time, at any location in West Hollywood. How does that sound? To be honest with you, look, I fucking, I think you're a good guy, quote unquote guy. And I really appreciate that you're a nice guy.

I wanna say thank you to all the quote unquote guys over there in West Hollywood. And I also want to say to my fucking brothers, my fucking brothers back there, loud of 14, I want you to know, strange and oddly enough, I didn't fucking catch the gay. I've been hanging out with this fucking guy for a week now. Yeah, and I thought by that, I fucking catch it.

And I've been trying, John even asked me if I haven't been trying because I've been trying, oh, no, no, no. So I'm no fucking scientist, but I gotta be honest with you guys, I'm not fucking sure if you can catch it or not. I'm not a scientist, but I'm pretty sure that Fauci said you can't catch gay. Well, I don't fucking trust that fucking doom state.

It's your throat, okay, I'm a little concerned, to be honest. What is this character case? Because you have gone through a bottle of water. And I'm just genuinely worried about your throat because if you need any other lubricants, I'm here for you.

No, I don't need anything, I'll do a drive, but I do this character piece, it comes from a place that really makes you cough. Okay, I'm gonna let you rest up and then we'll talk later. Okay, it's good to see you again, what is it, fruitcake? Steemus, ranley.

Okay, take it. Remus, Stanley. Take it, fruitcake. Bye.

Stanley, I'll be in your dreams. Bye bye. That was nice to listen to those two. You know, those are what you call two opposite opposite, those are two opposite people who do the same thing.

Now, if people could just realize how similar they are, just because it's the same job. I mean, those are two guys who do the same job, they just fuck different sexes. So not that big of a deal. When you do Jeremiah Watkins podcast, there's a good chance your hair is not gonna look the way you want it to look.

You're gonna be getting in and out of a lot of wigs and you may have to see this psychiatrist after it's done because you're gonna be inhabiting other people. Dude, I got so much crap taking this comb on the road with any comics and be like, where did you get that comb? Yeah, I haven't seen a comb like that. This is my comb that I use.

That's your actual comb. That's my actual comb. Yeah, do people use combs anymore? What do you mean?

Do people still use comb? Do you just use a little texture? You use just like a little texture? I just use my fingers, I wake up and I just do like that.

I use a brush to brush it down once in a while. Like, you know, but I don't use a comb. Yeah, but I don't have my hair's thinner. So it's like I gotta brush it and bush it.

And it's not thinner because I'm losing it, which is my hair's always been fine. You got a nice thick head hair. Oh, thank you. Yeah, thank you.

How are we looking? You look pretty good. You look good. You look good for a father who's probably getting sporadic sleep.

But as we talked about, the father's are really, we're off the hook a little bit. Dude, I feel very fortunate because, like your wife could be doing a podcast right now. Dude, I did a podcast the night that we brought him home from the hospital because I was crunched on time and the way that the week worked out and stuff. Wow.

You did a podcast on the day your kid was born? No, no, no, the day we brought him home. How did that work out? Did your wife pull over and just wait for you with the baby?

I mean, did you bring the baby in? And we brought the baby in and then got him situated during the day. Oh, she did the podcast here. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then later on that night, we did an episode of my podcast, Sizzer Brothers with Stevie Weebie. Yeah, so that was, I mean, but the baby was asleep. But right now, the baby's waking up every two hours. I remember that.

To eat and different stuff like that. Yeah, yeah. And then it's funny because then the shit changes from what it looks like now. It's funny how it gets solider.

It's all the poo poo. Well, it came out the first couple times. It's jet black. And you're like, oh, this is crazy looking.

It looks like animal scap. Every time I hear animal scap, I picture an ape with a saxophone and a regentain with a fedora. And then I'm like, it's going to dab dab dab. And then I'm like, it's going to dab dab dab.

And then I'm like, it's going to dab dab dab. It's going to dab dab dab. Scat is a word for shit that's underused. It's so underused.

I mean, I'm sure that the jazz community has tried to stifle that over the years because they're like, oh, man, it's all good. Yeah. No, you know, come on. Come on.

Come on, y'all. Come on, young turkey. Scat is originally mean shit or did the jazz scat? Who took it from who?

That's the question. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Yeah, which came first? Was it like a pooper, the jazz?

Was it a jazz? I don't know. We don't know. We don't know.

We do this day. And you know what? I think it's maybe something we should never know. Probably shouldn't because it would probably deter us from using one of those words.

Yeah. And you know what the funny thing is? That will be probably the only time in history that someone has said what we're talking about. Nobody will ever again wonder about the word scat.

I don't think anybody usually concerns themselves with that information. But that's why we're here because we think a little different. How do you know the word scat for shit? Is that because you're from the country?

I'm from Kansas. So we saw all kinds of animals out in the living stuff. Is that how Kansas sounds? No, no.

What's a Kansas accent? A Kansas accent sounds a little bit like the slightest because it's just some Midwestern kind of accent. And I actually was not aware that some of my family has a little bit of Kansas twang until I started living in LA for years. And then I went back home and I was like, yeah, my mom has a little bit of like an accent, like a little bit.

And same with my sister and my brother every once in a while. But he's probably the least. But there's just a little bit of, you know what I mean? Just a little bit of something.

Right. I can't. You know, baby, just like just a little on the beach. Just a little bit.

And then the rest is just normal. Yeah. Now, is there a no accent or is there is no accent in accent? Well, you know what I'm saying?

It's called broadcast dialect, which is very common in the Midwest around Nebraska, Kansas and Missouri. But it's just flat and kind of nasal. It's just nothing. It's just essentially I have it when I'm not leaning on too many words.

Like I say, y'all, everyone's around just because I'm from Kansas. But Kansas trash. I'm Kansas trash. I'm Kansas garbage.

That's what I eat. Yeah. Yeah. But there's not like any, you know, like Brooklyn, you know, there's nothing like that.

But here's my point. What? If you're English, or if like you let's say you're Australian and you hear, you hear the broadcast dialect, I bet they hear they're like, oh, that sounds like it says like all throat to me or that sounds like all nasal. But that is an accent to them.

Oh, for sure. So they learn it. I'm always blown away by these British actors who nail American accents. Yeah.

But the other way around Americans, it's a little bit harder for them to nail Brits accents, I feel. Yeah. So my point is like, is there no such thing as no accent because everything is an accent to someone else. It's an accent and we have an accent, which is bullshit because they have an accent.

They definitely do. We don't. We don't. The only non accent is if you're mute.

Right. Right. That's what I was trying to get at. But if you're deaf, that is an accent, you know?

Yes. So it's kind of like you can't avoid having an accent. No, it would be difficult. Yeah.

It would be very difficult. It's just very philosophical. Something I never thought about. It's like, oh, yeah.

Everything is an accent to some other accent. Absolutely. Yeah. I got a great suggestion from somebody that I wanted to see.

If you could, I know she's super busy, but you might be able to text her and see what she's up to tonight. I have the suggestion that somebody said they wanted Marisa to give me some parenting advice because, you know, I am a new dad and it's one of those things where I'm so new to this that I'm looking for any kind of advice and I'm really open to getting really just recommendations, any kind of if she has had kids in the past or anything like that. I'm just looking to see what kind of motherly intuition she has or maybe she's never had before and maybe that could be something that would be helpful to me as a new dad. And that came from at TSJ underscore nine.

It looks like, okay. Yeah, Yannes, just wait outside for a second. She's going to. Yeah, thank you, Yannes.

It's always good to see you. You know, I miss touring with you and getting that money and shit and also I listen, you were selling a lot of tickets only because you were organizing the tours, but everybody knew who the star was of the show. That's right. That's it.

Now, listen, they say really my hair, but let me tell you something. I came out the way out here to Los Angeles to hang out to see my friend, Jeremiah, because I knew he had a baby. That's right. I came here to see the baby.

And what happens is the fucking there's no moisture in this air. It's so dry out here that my fucking hair looks like this. That's why I look up up. I just wanted to explain that because here's the thing, Jeremiah.

Did you have a girl or a boy? I had a boy. But you're in Los Angeles. So how do you know it's a boy?

You got to wait for that kid to tell you what it is. I guess you're right. Technically what they wrote on the birth certificate was boy and I saw the anatomically correct penis that was on him, but you're correct. I can't call him a boy quite yet.

Yeah. You're looking at proof for that. That's the coolest. Sometimes Jesus Christ makes mistakes and I know you from Kansas and you got that shit in your family.

So you know about the Bible and all that shit. You're very versed in the Bible. Yeah. Even though he made a mistake when you were born.

Look. He put me under one body. But I still love him. But you look great.

Can I just say you look great? I'm perfect the way that I am. You said. Shit.

That's it. You know what my agenda is, rigorous. That's my fucking gender. I'm fucking rigorous.

That's it. So when you apply for a job and it says sex on the application and there's only two boxes that say male, female, and then on some of the newer ones it says other. Now do you outline or cross out other and put in something else? Absolutely.

I cross out other than I write panther activated. Panther. Yeah. I'm fucking jester.

I'm a panther and I'm fucking activated ready to go into the crowd. Oh, okay. Well, I'm real curious about what kind of advice you have for me. Have you had kids before Marisa?

I don't have any kids, but that's my dream is to go, you know, to move to someplace nice. Maybe like out here. Yeah, I love where you live. This is you like this area?

Holly shit is the classy. What's this? This is like close to when next to Hollywood? Yeah, we're kind of in your Hollywood.

Yeah, so that's it. This is very classy. I hit with all this greenery and shit Although I know you to keep the shit clean you need to borrow water from China So they don't want out here. Yeah, we have a laskin pipeline that's running just to give us water I know that's famous the laskin pipeline for oil and stuff like that But just so we get water in LA we get it from Alaska That's it.

That's your your water dealer lives up there because they know fuck what he is drive and that's what my hair's on my stuff But this is nice. I would like to live some place and settle down and have a couple kids That's right. Are you drunk, Marisa? I'm a little you're a little wobbly and you're you're almost burping a little bit I'm sorry.

I had some tofu wings with a friend. Let me say something the vegan fair out here is delicious If you were vegan you want to come to Los Angeles I think it's only like two or three restaurants that have me here. Have you been to the vegan farmers market yet? That's what's just I loved it.

You loved it. Honey shit cuz you know, I don't eat me unless it's chicken wings, right? Don't blame me, black buffalo sauce. I'll fucking eat anything with buffalo sauce shit What do you think of beatups?

Do you like buffalo wild wings? I'll listen? I don't like that cuz they're killing those chickens and I feel bad for those chickens I would just give you the advice Jeremiah. So what did you say?

You said it was a boy? It was a boy. Yeah, okay So remember to ask it if it's a boy, okay, okay? Okay, I can't talk yet.

Is that okay? As soon as he can make sounds that's the first question Yeah, and then you'll be able to tell and then all you have to do is put on a Britney Spears video And if he starts fucking dancing to that shit, then you know, you got to be a little more flexible with that gender So if there is a little bit of a shoulder shimmy when he hears Yeah, then I should be slightly concerned you are that he might be the wrong gender I couldn't have said it better. That's exactly the moment you going to know whether you're going to be Going as a shop room for your little girl or letting your boy go out there pound pound as much pussy as you want That's it. Listen, Paris tree girl's a boy's different.

You got a daughter you buying a gun You got a you got a boy you fucking letting him go on do whatever the hell he wants to join I just be sympathetic to that baby also listen you need to raise that baby to to love Jesus also understand Jesus is not perfect So you need to where Jesus makes mistakes you need to forgive Jesus, too People always forget that half of it they always say Jesus forgets, but also I forgive Jesus because Jesus less babies that's so he like a pandemic Hoppin so how can we not fucking forgive me Jesus, right? Like we supposed to be Jesus life. He forgets us Well, let's fucking Jesus, too. I forgive you Jesus.

You put me in the wrong body That's it also you didn't get me no taste, but I appreciate I know that's part of my plight And I'm going to get these tips that said do you have any ideas of how like monetarily you're gonna get them because you are out in LA right now With me I usually only get to talk to you, you know through FaceTime or zoom or something like that So it's really nice to see you here in person. Yeah, I see you in the chat on my friends only I don't tell my wife about that. I won't tell you about that That's that you're the only person can I can I say I'm a very loyal person and you are the only person who I'm subscribed to on only fans Yeah, and so not like you don't got your take out and playing with you little dick I know you are listen that's fine. You a man this the thing I'm a male and female there's sexy So I understand that man's have needs and that doesn't mean anything you did not be in this world to nobody But that dick needs to that dick needs to see other things once in a while well, you know I look at your body as one of the creatures on The future of Mad Max, you know It's an evolved society where people are kind of like like looking a little bit different because I've never seen exactly all the things That you're working with on one body I'm not my pages just for it.

That's right. You haven't seen my body because listen, you know My pages for people who have a fetish for feet in chon kletos, so not only is it feet But they want me to be in those Chinese Mecs lipos. I'm just telling you they Chinese lip because you don't have them shit Are you have chon kletos in Los Angeles? I'm not sure.

No, this is the first time I've heard that word That's it that's the little slippers there made up last day you can get the math the chain of story and I say so my My fans only pages straight up my feet in chon kletos with a little mash top and I say I make good money on that shit So to answer your question during this pandemic, I can't really I haven't really been selling that I suppose But what I've been doing is getting that green I've been getting paid in that fucking Bitcoin on that fans only that said Well, that's good I mean I think if you keep it between you and I I think my wife will be okay with it because as you know after a woman gives birth You can't make love for about six weeks everything is kind of so I think they should be encouraging of our you know virtual relationship That's right man. Have me is that I understand that your wife just gave birth But also you need to get rid of that you need to squeeze that glue out of that glue gun I know that so it's like yeah The safest place to be to find only that's why society needs to understand that these women out here fucking hooking and shit They're not the wrong that you're doing the service to humanity. You don't want to go have a fucking affair with somebody who's not a professional Who ruins your fucking life? No, you want to come see more recent because I fucking clean those pipes up like a plumber that I am And your bathroom will be working again, and that's right.

Well, my balls have never felt as empty when I'm around you know I have blue balls you got what you got is air balls like when they shoot and they don't hit the rim That shit's got nothing in them. How come they don't call them air balls? You ever think about that the opposite of blue balls like you came too much Come on you see my recent you don't leave with blue balls you leave with air balls Them shit is empty thoughts right it's true I mean the amount of times and amount of loads that I've busted looking at your only fans It's it's it's actually I don't like to admit it on this podcast because I don't really talk about my sex life very much But you have a page that's pretty enticing that if people want to check out then I would Highly recommend it you sure listen. I'm a professional that's it you want three points?

May you go see stuff curry you want to get a good meal you go tomorrow? Bitali you want to clean that dick out you want to get rid of the coming your balls see more recent. I'm a fucking professional Mercy do you have I just I talk because I'm from New York. I'm a no.

I love it. I love it Do you have any other words of wisdom for me before you head out listen? You're going to be a very good father Jeremiah because you was brought up nice You know I'm saying you from Kansas and all that I never been to Kansas. I don't want they would love you there Yeah, I don't know if they were really getting it.

I don't know if I would move too many tickets up there But you're going to be good. Maybe a Kansas City. Maybe on the Missouri side. Maybe they're definitely not in the outback Not out there in the rent.

Let me tell you my you going to be good You're going to be a good daddy congratulations and the one piece of advice I would say to you is you know pass on to your son To be a good person not be judgmental and let him choose who he is and support whatever decision that is because that's the whole reason You left Kansas in the first play could they gone to wasn't going to let you be doing this fucking podcast and Kansas at your church at your church skits No, no, I they said you they put you fucking hell for I can only dress up as Noah and Moses so many times in the church plays before they're like I you gotta go exactly I'm sorry church, but you need some fucking new material rice and shit you basically you doing somebody else's fucking material and who knows my dad was Probably concerned when he saw me and my sister dancing along to Christina Aguilera's genie in a bottle as a kid Life is a surprise because you turned look at your father now. I know I was doing to the same song and things turned out different for me I'm not a father. I want to be a mother. Did you like spice girls?

I was not a big spice girl That's I like old school red gay. I like that old hip-hop. I like a little musical freestyle salt and pepper I saw I saw saw she put on some weight Holy shit, they call her sodium now. Yeah, they call so he got so she got checked her sodium levels Well, Marisa, thanks for dropping by and I appreciate all your nice advice to me as a new dad and I'll take everything with a grain of salt and pepper Thanks for having me mister.

Of course. Yeah, you can actually yeah, just come back in through the all right Yeah, I would I was she was she like appropriate her like she's look, you know, she's crazy. She's unfiltered I would say yeah, she's definitely unfiltered. She kind of just says what she wants and like she doesn't really take into account Tacked.

Yeah, she definitely says what she wants. Yeah, but I think that she gave me some real nuggets of truth Yeah, some gems and I mean you as a new dad you have any advice for me as a new dad you just went through this yeah My advice would be keep keep it alive. That's our job. Isn't that scary?

Isn't that part a little scary a little scary because especially these first two weeks And everything I'm just so nervous that just a blankets just gonna go over his head just a little bit and then just gone Yeah, yeah, it's terrifying. It's really terrifying. Yeah weird when you said him. I'm like, I'm so I'm so used to having a girl I don't even know if I can have a boy that would be weird I would need like a baby.

I'd be like I might kick him out of my house because the boy like I know you're gonna go up and be a Troublemaker. I'll kick you out now at first when you heard the news of that you were having a daughter What what went through your your head right away? You're just happy no matter what or what was like as I just wanted to know What are political opinions? We're right away.

I Was like are you like AOC are you a Democrat or Republican? I asked her straight up, you know I think if kids are old enough to make other big decisions Why not they should let us know whether what the Republican Democrat is right? So I you know soon as she made a sound I said it are you insinuating your Republican? Let's just say her first words were Green Party then it was then I just have to deal with it And I just got it.

I got a accept effect that I'm supporting a supporter of Mr. Sanders Sanders Sanders, which I don't mind I like I like Bernie you felt the burn we've all felt the burn the burn I think he's one of the most honest guys I don't necessarily agree with some of the more some stuff But some other stuff I do you know so I'd be okay with that But yeah, that would be one of the first things I want to know because I was I want to fucking raise no extremist Definitely not no I was kind of relieved when my wife said it was a boy Just because I felt like that was one less step for me to have to learn with the the process of this if that makes sense Right, but at the same time if it's a girl then it's your wife has more intuition with it So it's a balance either way Yeah, you know what the thing is when it's a girl to be honest with you that's a dad knows you're going like oh man This is gonna cost me a lot more you think so yeah having a boy boy's like dad can I have some money like go get a job You weak you weak man go earn it girl comes can I get it you're like, okay? You just always know all right. He's gonna want to sweet 16 She's no I gotta pay yeah, I have to pay for wedding so sweet 16 She wants a kid's in your your honey.

You're not his Spanish like I want it though daddy I want a kinceañera yeah, and maybe by that time she could identify as Mexican and have it and I'll have to do it I mean sweet 16 and a bop mitzvah, I'm not Jewish in the year 20 You know 35 or 34 whatever you might be able to identify as that and want a kinceañera yeah daddy I said I want a kinceañera I'm gonna say you don't sound Mexican no, but seriously Me and my friends Carmen Guadalupe we all are turning 15 together on the same time and all the popular girls are getting Kinceañera so I want a kinceañera daddy it's probably she by the time she's a teenager It could be that it is accepted to identify as something when you want something So if like you know you want to break your diet you don't want to feel guilty about it You just identify as someone who has who's big but supports big what is it like big? Positive big image what is it called now body positive? Yeah, body-pot body positivity. Yeah, have you seen these new mannequins are they big target they big well?

You know we're big people so you know we should be marketing our mannequins should look like the people who are gonna buy the clothes right? So the mannequins are from yesterday they don't look like the people now no dude the old mannequins that I grew up with and stores If you you would get boners just looking at the mannequins because they were like freaking they had abs sometimes They had they had the V lines they had nipples now Dude the target mannequins now. It's literally like fat middle-aged mannequins that are just like amorphous blobs that are like oh, yeah Okay, this is more our clientele. Yeah, yeah, we're at the end.

You know we're over Yeah, yeah, I it's I the world my daughter's gonna grow up and I think about that sometimes just like how different it could be and I Just don't want to be one of those old dads like keep all those people out of my hat You know do you think she'll get into tiktok and that different stuff that is a major issue Yeah, if I see my daughter dancing in Scaddily clothed or whatever the expression is scantily clad we can't really clap on tiktok Yeah, I am going to send her to a convent and I won't think twice about it. She will become a nun You're the purpose girl on you we've heard lots about you here. Yeah, that's exactly right in the horror out of you Yeah, that's the skateboard about having a daughter is like you gotta like I mean I'm gonna have to like be mean to dudes and be like oh man with with you have a boy You're just gonna he tells you got lady gonna high-five them. No pressure my daughter.

Daddy wants deeds. Fill me in dude Dude, tell me everything that happened man Yeah, no pressure daughter. You gotta like you know you gotta watch out telling his creeps out there You know you gotta worry about like these fucking sick guys, you know, bro Are you now you know some people on tiktok you you roll with the I mean, you know that one dude. He's like 35 Yeah, yeah, like to be honest with you.

That's why I came to Los Angeles. I was like yo Bryce. Here's the deal I came to collab. We came for a collab.

I wonder fucking collab and here's the thing. I will fucking I think we should set up boxing match Be and Bryce, okay, and whoever wins gets fucking to score Addison Dude, what's up G Mac over here, bro? What's up, bro? Yeah, this is fucking lip, bro dude It's straight up dope you see it dude.

I got a sponsored hat for you on the floor there dude one of my sponsors dude Guess what the city in New York sponsors this podcast, bro Yeah, yo, it's this fucking hat is this is fucking lit this fucking lit dude. It's litty 2000, bro Yeah, dad ass like yo dad fucking ass Jake Paul signed the fucking contract Jake Paul Logan Paul all the Paul Bros. They're basically my Mount Rushmore that I look at before I take a dump ever night Yeah, totally I fucking my life is brought to you by bang energy drink When I fall asleep that she's brought to you by fucking the cheesecake factory bro dude sometimes what I like to do is I I dump out the list arena. I just put a bunch of monster in there Gargled it and then that's like my energy pill for the day That's fucking lit dude.

Yo bro. Yo bro. Dude. What do have you been trending yet on like tiktok recently?

I'm just gonna take a second support Asian lives Bang energy brought to you by banks stop Asian hate brought to you by bang energy. Yeah stop Asian hate brought to you by McDonald's So yeah, I've been fucking you know, I'm like dude. I'm just fucking I wake up in the morning. Your biceps look sweet by the way Thank you brother.

Thank you brother. Thank you bro. Thank you bro. Thank you my days basically I fucking workout outside Right boys that's fucking lit and then the rest of the day we just spent in the foyer brainstorming ideas to dance in the foyer That's tight dude.

I mean I noticed that your synchronization has been really on point lately. So I appreciate that Thanks, bro. I just try to be lit dude. I think we need to create a new dance routine together.

Yeah, what would it be man? I think um, you know probably something With Cuomo or something like that. Yeah, maybe we could do like yeah Chris Cuomo Chris Cuomo and what's the other one? Andrew Cuomo.

Yeah, the one who touches all the Cuomo. Yeah, believe women hashtag believe women brought to you by panic Express. Thank you for tuning in hashtag panic express the orange chickens nightmares of your dreams totally and this thought them about to have is brought to you by Pottery Barn if you want farmhouse vibe they got farmhouse furniture. So um, yeah like this next thought is brought to you by me cuz Plus yeah, this next thought is brought to you by me because my manager who put me in this high-pouse I said that I should have one to two genuine thought to date just so my my vibe is user-generated This next thought is brought to you by Papa John's their new slogan is are we still cool yet?

The my next thought is brought to you by Little Caesars and that thought is Little Caesars is still going Rest that they're little new slogan hashtag Little Caesars is still going yeah and rest in peace little Caesars in Brooklyn Center That got burned the other piece DMX or our art. Yeah, rest in peace DMX fucking lit You know and hashtag all that stuff But yeah, man like we could be there we can we could be the fucking Quelmore brothers and like do the kid and play kick Except or whatever and like you know and then at the end of that I go hey man I'm your brother cuz I'll play fucking Chris Cuomo and I love you, but you can't touch girls right brought you by Ben energy drink. Yeah drink it up or you'll be banged Dude you're looking swole over there. Yeah, man.

I gotta lose some weight my they told me like if I want to keep up my Talk numbers. I gotta fucking start throwing at my food. This is brought to you by Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig Do you remember the 90s? That's the slogan.

Yeah brought you yeah Yeah, do you think eventually people may have sponsored thought like opinions like they'll go they'll say that in the middle of the thing like They'll be making content be like this this next sentence is brought to you by Maybe our lives will be monetized. That's my mom. She she is brought to you by people people will be brought to you by You're my baby's actually sponsored, bro. Yeah, you baby.

I heard about that. Yeah. Yeah, it's kind of like a new NASCAR kind of deal But let's just say that you can't get some real estate on your baby I mean you could dude because Home Depot sponsored the umbilical cord cut. Yeah, they brought out a chainsaw and I just hacked away at it That is fucking I got a new fucking app.

It's called and I would love to just get a little real estate on maybe like your baby's back and just fucking tattoo it They're a little bit are you thinking it's fine or freaking lower because the lower is gonna cost you Oh Whitney Cummings bought the lower right so I'm going upper right shoulder blade Fuck yeah, that ass that's bro that fucking ass. Yeah, so are you not gonna box in or we gonna put that on a Paper view then or what bro fuck dude. I would let's do it. Let's do pills.

This is pills Yeah, I want to do some fucking clonopents. Okay. Yeah, well already have anxiety and depression. So oh, I don't feel anything That thought brought you by Walmart.

Yeah, let's do it. I want to do pills and be quiet Okay, do you ever swallow a pill and wonder am I supposed to be feeling something because I'm still not feeling anything You know when I take a break from work all that means is like I'm just living normal like where you guys let go and like do something I just turn the camera off Yeah, yeah So I just want to turn the camera off and sit dude sometimes I feel like I'm living in the Truman show dude I'm always on my phone and I'm always live streaming and I'm always like hey. What's up? How's it going?

Yeah? Yeah, everything's chill. What if we're fucking God's phone. What if we are content for God?

You're saying you and I are little apps inside God's iPhone dude. I hope fucking God is monetized dude, right? Yeah, seriously like fucking the church has to get a little bit more lit with their content And I hope our page is at least training on God's iPhone because I don't want to be one of those back burner apps or one of those side Project apps that fall under when it goes to Silicon Valley and they try to do recon on it But then everything goes to crap and then you're like man I just wasted all this money on Bitcoin and seriously none of it paid off But all my friends told me that I should hop on this train and I didn't I hopped on two days late And now I wasted my life savings because I invested everything off of somebody named Tad who referred me to a Bitcoin account I shouldn't have invested it that was brought to you by Chick-fil-A You can wear it you can be gay and will still serve you chicken Chick-fil-A Yeah, man, when do we end this character piece probably now yeah, all right piece. I'm gonna go turn my camera off all right Sam here piece yeah monetize Wow, that was fun Yeah, we live in a it's a strange world now where everything can be my life can be monetized well, it's weird now that How only fans is there they're really trying to rebrand that as like anybody can use it kind of thing Yeah, and they're trying because at first it was just like people who did porn and stuff and now they're trying to like be like No, no, you can just be fans of people's pictures It's like yeah, you know you can have a hard time competing if you show pictures of some girls getting banged out I'm gonna go check that out Porn always wins porn, you know, it's funny that people like for always wins is the new life finds away It's true porn is like porn and prostitution are like that little blade of glass grass growing between the cement blocks They'll do it people like to feel bad like oh my god this girl How can she live that life those girls a lot of them choose that and they make a lot a shit ton of money And it's like I can't judge dude.

How can someone who's working out of Panera bread judge your job? You're you're you're getting pimped out too by fucking corporate America at least this chick is making a lot of money and not Sitting a fucking cubicle your balls deep in the bread bulb Yes, and what if you're beautiful what if you're beautiful like sexy and stupid like as stupid as can be and you like to fuck But you're just like so pretty but you know how dumb you are you know that you can't pass You know you can't go and get into any college You know that you can't get by anymore just off your looks you need a place you need a home for something to make you feel Like you're part of society and that you have an income so you're not hitting up other people for casual Exactly and I'm just saying if you were like born hot But you're really dumb, but you also like to fuck it's like don't we shouldn't be discriminating against those people Those people should make money and some people really good at it. What if you're really good guy your girl What if you're just really good at fucking you should turn pro you shouldn't have to be an amateur your whole life I mean that's we're imagine that know what you're good at and commit to it and society should say you know We should start a professional league. They should be fucking should be in the Olympics if you be an Olympic sport Why is why is gymnastics where you get judged based on your flips in an Olympics, but we can't watch a guy bang out dude Let's combine gymnastics and sex.

I mean we're talking girls backflippin on guys on mats lying down and if they stick the landing Ten I mean if you fuck good you should put a gold medal for it for your country because there's different levels of guy I'm terrible about I'm an amateur and some guys you see some what makes you what makes you say you're bad at bed because um I'm I'm normally endowed. Okay. I'm not I don't have a I don't have a big glue gun I don't have a contractor sized glue gun who got that elmer's no I got like one of those mini you know What do they call that glue sticks glue stick? I got glue stick and I'm not like you have to have ab muscles and be a people Please are we are comics.

I want attention. I don't want to give attention right so I'm just not I'm not that great at it And also yeah, it's just I never you know some things you know, you're good at from the beginning like the first time you make A person laugh you like oh, this is my thing. This is my talent. Yeah, there's gotta be people who just like crush it in the sack And oh dude, they should be able to say themselves without shame like this is my talent Don't can you imagine that like you losing your virginity probably, you know an early age if you're getting into to that world Because I just had a seizure Drop out I was like did you hear that too?

Yeah, it'll be funny for one of those guys like Banging an older girl and she fell in love with him But then you can make a movie like he's so talented at fucking that she like she's that mentor that goes, you know what? I against her own what she wants. She does what's best for him. It's like you have a talent Just go out there and fuck other people like it's too much for me.

You know, I'm holding you back. Yeah go I mean that'd be the opposite of of Mrs. Robinson, right? Yeah, it'd be the opposite because you got all clinging everything Yeah, and we just need an opposite movie where's it no she's just be really old though like she's been grooming this guy for years Like a wheelchair thing it's time for you to see other people you've ate my pussy enough Mrs.