So I've been waiting patiently this whole time because I have our challenge in the screen backpack. It's not gonna be a gross one again, is it? Don't worry about it. Actually, you don't worry about it.
What are you talking about? I have the challenge this week. What? You get a toboggan that someone can't move.
You get something that they pay for and then realize you get to keep it. And then you know what you do? You sell it again! Because you're my son!
We sell shit! I've never had a job. I instilled that in you. I never thought of a clay toboggan.
What the fuck? I do like the environment. Right, the open air environment? I just like everything about it.
I like a little breeze. I like being in a garage. I like using a small bathroom I wasn't familiar with. Everything was very close.
That's my bathroom that my wife has designated to me. Just that room? Just I live in there. There's nothing wrong with that.
I live in the bathroom. We all need a bathroom in life. We all need a getaway spot. What's your getaway spot?
A room for air. A room for air, if you will. If you will. I did.
What do people use the expression if you will? It's like I am every time, if you will. If they need to. I'm not really familiar with expressions and what they mean.
But I just keep going. Yeah. If I will, I am. Yeah.
Then we are. And we're here. Perfect. We're in the present.
Exciting. Exciting. Am I right? Yeah, perfect.
This is it. Got a camera. Yeah. You're familiar with the cameras.
You do a lot of sets, right? Not just stand-up sets, but you do a lot of acting sets too. I do. I do.
Some acting. I have been working a lot. I am familiar with the camera. I try and ignore it.
Why would you see your secret is? What do you say? What do you say your secret is? The secret to what?
To acting. To why? Well, my secret is as soon as I stopped caring. That's when you started booking.
That's when things seemed to start going my way. When I just started talking. Now, I've never known you as a person who like seemed like they cared a lot. You know what I mean?
Well, that's the illusion. Yeah. I care so much. Okay.
It gets to a point where it just dies. So, when you look at me over the years and it looks like I don't care, I care so much. And then it gets to a point where it just stops and appears nonchalant. But with regards to acting, I'm getting better.
Yeah. I'm getting better at just being present. That's my battle, my friend. Being present?
Just I feel like in life, you're pretty good at it. I'm getting there. This is all, even this is uncomfortable, but I'm feeling better. Yeah, of course.
I'm so used to being in the Uncomfort Zone that I don't think I know what Uncomfortable is anymore. Well, this is a little uncomfortable. Is it for me? Okay.
Tell me why it's uncomfortable for you. I'm really curious. Because I don't like doing anything. So the fact that I'm here, it's a big get, right?
Well, it's not even a big get. It's just, it's important for me to start doing things like this. Making efforts? Just making an effort.
And I realized as I was driving here, and I had mentioned out there that I kind of, something hit me and it's like, everything I do is in case of emergency. And so this is important for me to say, Jeremiah, let's finally do it. Because for a year, I thought about doing it, but I just didn't, you know, the pandemic came in handy. So I just...
I asked you to do this podcast. No joke. I think in 2018 or 19, probably is realistically when I asked you. It's a small build.
And then you brought it off the store when I... Honestly, you caught me off guard, you go, hey, Jeremiah, I'm ready to do your podcast. I'm ready. And I literally was like, you're ready?
So a three year build. But that's why when I was driving here, I was like, okay, I need to be able to just have a conversation with someone in case of emergency. Like, if I'm in the future and I need to talk to somebody about a way out or a safety issue. If you commit a crime later tonight, I'm a great alibi.
It's all about everything I do is an alibi. But I think in case of emergency is a good way to look at it. Like I was patient today with my wife, and I realized, okay, it's important to have some patients in case you're ever in a situation where your life is on the line. Or maybe you need patients yourself.
Well, of course. I know what I'm working on. I know my battle. My battle is to run and be alone.
But I have a wife and a child. Do you think that's a comic thing or do you think that's a Kirk thing? The want to be run and be alone. A comic thing?
Yeah. Is that what you said? A comic thing. I just think it's a man thing.
Yeah. And think of is in terms of comic or actor or anything other than just a human being. So I'm trying to be seamless in everything I do. Okay.
I want to be the same way off stage as I am on. I think that's yeah, I think that's a goal for a lot of us is to try to be able to be that well-rounded thing. It's just it feels better though. Of course it's hard.
It's the hardest thing in the world is to lose all the want. I try and ride the middle of life. I'm not swayed by praise or blame. I just want to cruise that middle aisle and it makes things a lot easier.
Well, you look really good tonight. I feel good about it. You said no hat. I usually like a hat.
I think I brought it. You said no black. I usually like black. I gave you some restrictions of your typical wardrobe that you wear.
But then again, as I was driving here, it was good to be able to take direction. And so it all worked in. It almost felt like a call sheet by the end of the day when I was texting you. And I was okay with this.
I said parkier. Don't wear this. A year ago, I might not have been this smooth with it. I might not have.
Would you have a brief through it? A year ago, honestly. Had I started texting this stuff, would you have found a way out? Well, it just would have been okay.
This isn't I'm not in control. And I think that's what I'm trying to be okay with is not being in control. Oh, yeah. So when you ask, is running from a wife and a child, is that a comic?
No, it's just I don't want to be there thing. Right. And I think a lot of people make that run. I mean, you know, we just had Father's Day that happened last week.
There's a lot of fathers that they don't stick around. And it's instinct. We're going against our nature to stay. I think at the end of the day, we don't want to be there.
Do you think that's all people? I think so. I think there's elements of of of all man. I can only speak for male.
Right. And they'll always be those that go against that and say, no, I want to be there. I love it. But at the end of the day, we love elements of it.
And once we get those elements, then I think, okay, I'd like to leave. Do you think that's why Kings back in the day had concubines of like tons of different women's stuff? Of course. We all would if it was a little more socially acceptable.
I think why wouldn't we? It's what we're supposed to be doing. You're supposed to be throwing that seat around. Just spreading it.
Just throwing it. You just throw it. Do the birds. It's wherever you want it to go.
Central Park. It's not supposed to stay in you too long. The seat? Anything.
Oh, okay. And the seat is part of it. How old were you when you first started masturbating? The truth is I don't masturbate.
I save my chi for special occasions. Yeah. It'll leave when it wants to. Do you have wet dreams?
Not in a long time because if I am currently married to a young beautiful woman who is always available. But if she wasn't, I would find other ways. But it would never be masturbation. I had a wet dream once sleeping next to my wife and that felt wrong for somebody.
Actually, it should feel so right that you are that comfortable in marriage. I guess so. You could just go ahead and not next to her thinking about someone else. Wet dreams.
I gotta be honest with you. I strive for them. I look forward to them. But I haven't had one in a long time.
Well, they don't. I mean, they don't happen very rare. They're rare. They used to happen all the time for me.
They'd happen often if you would watch pornography before bed. And then not do anything about it. And then sleep on your stomach. Why sleep on the stomach?
Just creates that pressure on the penis. Really? And a little, as it begins to grow, it will rub. I can't tell if this is a legit scientific fact.
It's all legit. Everything I say is fact. Even if it's just to me, it is fact. It is something I have read.
You have a tone about you where there's a hint of the tone where it sounds like a slight sarcasm. So it's hard to distinguish sometimes. I know. And I apologize for that.
Even apologizing sounds like you're lying to me about the apology. Exactly. So you don't think I'm aware of how I do sound? It's one of the reasons I don't do a lot of podcast because whoever I'm with thinks I'm fucking with them.
And so I've done a lot of podcast which never saw the light of day because whoever got that insecure about in their head, some of them, the ego got involved and they would try to get the upper hand. But there's no upper hand to get because I'm not competing. So they just get in their own way. Right.
Right. I like that. Very effective. If you want a wed dream, there's ways to increase it, to increase the odds.
I just, I miss them. They're a good time. Do you remember any of them? I remember a lot of them.
Really? Could you maybe share one? No. They're just, they're a little low to personal.
They're a little specific and the people exist and I don't know why that they were on my mind. Yeah, but you know, maybe toward the end, I can let it explain a couple of them. it's just a group of women. So it's tough to pinpoint facial recognition.
So you have orgy dreams? Some I have. It's usually low numbers. Like three.
Yeah, nothing too crazy. No, yeah. I'm tired. I'm asleep.
Honestly, it sounds like a lot of work to me. It is to some people. Definitely the cleanup. I didn't even consider the cleanup.
That's the only thing I'm with the action. I said I'm here for. I'm an educator. There's a camera.
Good to see you. Still here. I've always wanted to see you play tennis. Is that a weird thing to say?
No, it is a sight. Because I hear you're really good. I am very good. Well, I probably could have been a lot better.
I had some focus issues in the early years, but I could have been probably the best in the world. But I chose to not focus entirely as much as I should have. Because I know that you're at the level where you've instructed people and stuff. That was my life.
I'd like to go back to it. I still have a basket of tennis balls that I can get to. Really? Part of me just wants to leave the wife and child and go teach tennis in Monaco.
South to France. I think that's what I'm built for. Maybe that's my wet dream. If I had a wet dream and I could tell you what would make me come in my sleep.
Yeah. Just be getting in my car, kissing my daughter goodbye. She's three. I wouldn't want to wake her.
Right. And then just getting in my car and going to the South of France to teach tennis. Have you been to South France? Yeah.
I've been just about everywhere. You can be. I've had a great life. What's the most exotic place you'd say you've been?
What does exotic mean to you? To me it means something that is so far away from where you were originally born. Where it's almost a culture shot to you. Well I was born in San Diego.
So most places have a little bit of San Diego in it. They do. Since there's beach. I was in Tibet for a honeymoon.
Base camp ever. It's a little different from San Diego. Just a little bit. I'm sure.
I've been to Dubai and Beirut. You know China is interesting. I've been out there. I'm not against traveling.
What were the purposes of travel for Beirut and China and different stuff? I think most of it was with regards to the honeymoon I believe. You fly to China and you see a few things there and then you take a train to Tibet and you go over to Mount Everest. Lebanon I think comedy was involved.
Dubai stand up. I don't really remember much of what I've done in life. But I'm trying to be able to recall a lot. I mean maybe that's what these podcasts are for.
You'll start appearing more on it. I'm telling you it's clear that I'm here. I didn't want to be. But like I said in case of emergency I need to be able to speak, follow directions, get in my car.
I text you from in front. There was a parking spot on the street which I would have been comfortable with. But yet I moved across the street. These are things that came into play.
I moved my wife's car so you could take a spot. I know these are all good things. Jeremiah you've always been intelligent. You've made the right choices.
You've been very comforting to all who have been around you. This I have noticed. That's nice to hear. You like to leave a room better.
I try. I definitely try. We all would like it to happen. There's not a lot of people that want a room to remember them as being a bad person.
That's true. But sometimes it happens. When did you start going to the store first? Because I've known you since I wanted to say it.
November 10th 2002 was my first time on stage. Yeah. And I'd shave for 10 years before that I would go there with Polly to drink and chase girls. I'd known Polly for a long time.
Did you ever instruct Polly on lessons? On a ten-s lessons? No. My tennis was mostly directors in Beverly Hills and supermodels and playmates.
It's one of the reasons I had a late start and stand up. As you were having a great life. You're having a great life. There was no need for the stand up.
I started stand up in my 30s for sure. So I'll tell then I was just teaching tennis. I just watched the first part of your special, that guy. I remember it.
On YouTube today. Okay. Because I always like to do a little bit of research on my guests. And it was cool for me to see it in the theater setting because a lot of those jokes I saw you tell at the Comedy Store.
All of them. I didn't work out a lot of that stuff. I was great about the Comedy Store. You do 15-minute sets.
So what I did to prepare for the hour special is I just would do 15-minute chunks as opposed to going out on the road and doing hours which I'm not a fan of the road. So I just stay home. Why aren't you a fan of the road? Just don't like shitty hotels and flying coach.
And it was a late start. So the road is fun in your 20s but not really in your 40s. I like the store. It's very convenient.
It's close. Yeah. I can be home and then on the stage in seven minutes. That's one of the reasons I married the girl I did is location.
Without question. She lived up in Laurel Canyon. And at the time I lived on a near-runion Canyon. So she was directly between my house and the Comedy Store.
Oh, if that's not a sign then I don't know what it is. I don't know if it was a sign. It definitely happened. But would you say...
And she had a steep driveway that I had trouble backing down. So once I got up there it was... You're staying for a while. It was pretty inevitable.
I like to say I'm old fashioned when it comes to marriage and I married for land. Because she's got a lot of land. Good for you guys. So...
I don't know what's good about it but I'm still there. Yeah. I like to say I'm a great father but a shitty husband. I'm a terrible husband but a great affair.
Maybe that's more wording to it. I could see you playing in a movie. The guy who has an affair with somebody's wife. I'm sure I have.
I'm sure I've done that movie. What's your typical breakdown for casting? What is your typical thing you go out for? Like the description.
Like for me I go out for a lot of quirky guys. You know what I mean? Mine is usually a sax offender without question. Everything I do is someone who either lives in a van or a trailer.
I think 90%. But these are people reaching out to me. I don't have an agent. I don't think I ever really have had one.
So every job I have someone who's kind of reached out. Wow. So they know what they're looking for. That's pretty impressive.
I'm not playing a lawyer. I'm not playing anything where I have to do too much acting. That's pretty impressive though. I mean for how much you have worked and how many gigs you've done.
Because you've been in a lot of movies and a lot of TV shows. I know. That's pretty impressive to not have a rep that's pushing you. Obviously don't you make an impression.
I don't know if it's a good thing. To be like we're not the guy. No I just don't know if it's a good thing to be so disconnected that you have no wants or caring. I think a young actor it's important to have an agent or someone that's putting you out there nudging you in the right direction.
I mean the last job I got it's called reservation dogs and it'll be on FX August 9th. Somebody asked about that. Was Bobby Lee in that? Bobby Lee came in for that also.
He's out in that. Yeah. And we shot in Tulsa. But that was just kind of a self-tape.
And I didn't know what it was for. I thought it was maybe a Nickelodeon show because it was about four kids. And they said I could maybe improv a little if I wanted. So that helped.
As soon as I can improv my odds increase. Way way up. Yeah. So yeah you have the edge on other people.
So I did it. And I didn't think about it again for a long time. And then they said you were pinned for it. Which means hey these are the dates.
I'm like oh cool. And then I look I read about it and it was Tycho Whiteiti who did JoJo Rabbit and got an academy where I was like oh. So this is big. And at the time I didn't know what it was.
So it allowed me to be even looser. More free and more loose. Yeah if you don't know what it is. And then it turned out one of the other creators, Sterling Harjo had seen me at the comedy store.
And liked me then. So when my tape came across it was just a perfect storm. And I play kind of a bad guy with a twinkle. I like to say I'm a creep with a twinkle.
And just about everything I do. You're likeable creep. I'd like to think so. I never played that I'm not level.
I would say so. And that's good. Yeah. How are we doing?
I feel good about this so far. Oh good. I'm glad I'm comfortable. We're just about to start.
Fine. That's how it should be. It's the slow build. It's the slow build.
That's what it is. I don't mind that. All of this felt like I was feeling the room. Yeah organic.
Film now. So what do you need to know? What do I need to know? Okay.
Here's a question I have. You used to host a TV show. I did. What was that experience like being the host of like a network television show?
It was called The Test. And I think we shot 150 episodes. Which is of daytime TV. So much.
Lie detector DNA drug test. We shot I believe 12 a week. So Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, we shot four a day. That's crazy.
And we shot on Dr. Phil's stage. Because you guys go away back. During his hiatus.
We go back. Yeah. And that was through tennis as well. There you go.
But we'd play tennis for I don't know four or five years before that conversation even came up where he let me know that his son, Jay, was putting together a talk show. And he thought that I might be a fit. And so I went over to Paramount and I went on stage and they put me in a suit. And shave me a little and just check to see if I could read a teleprompter.
And I could. And then they gave me a couple guests and I seemed comfy enough. And then they just started making it happen. The ball started rolling.
And before I know it got picked up for 90% of the country. It was on every day for a year. And I was very uncomfortable. I just didn't like it.
You're uncomfortable with it being out there that much or what? I didn't like wearing a suit. I didn't like having to be somewhere. It was all that stuff that I'm working on.
Like I'd be better at it now. I'd be more. Because you're more open to it now that you have a wife and a kid. More things to be able to identify with.
And the family also. I'm a dad now. I love something. I'd never loved anything.
Do you feel like that's affecting your stand up in a good way? Or has it not affected much of your joke writing? It's affected everything. For me to be a dad was necessary.
It's what I needed. And it's what I did not want ever. I wanted to write it out. I'd made it pretty far.
What was, I mean obviously you found the right girl and made that happen. I fucked up. I stayed in too long. And she was too young when I met her.
And so I took her 20s from her. And I figured I think I'm supposed to marry her. And we looked at it as a party. It's a really romantic thing.
I remember when I proposed to her, I gave her the ring and I said here. No, you didn't. But that's just, that was a big, even saying here was a gesture for someone. That was big for you?
Of course. Did you get that on one knee? No. I knew it was part of the process.
You know, weddings aren't for us. It's something that the women enjoy. So I looked at it as a party. Kevin Neeland was the officiant.
Oh, wow. Kevin married us and that had been so fun. That was fun. How funny was he?
hilarious. I mean, at some point I'll find it was a five minute, it was basically a roast, but it was a five minute ceremony. That's correct. And he killed.
Oh, I'm sure. And it was the best part of it. Seeing Kevin kill. Yeah, it's your best memory of the wedding day.
Of course. I mean, everybody's. That's what you remember. Right.
It's not the cake. We've all seen the cake or the cake or the cake or the vows or whatever. It was Kevin Crashing. There were no vows.
No vows? I don't think I said anything. My wife and I improvised our vows. That's good.
Yeah. You're good at that. Now that I think about it, I think we didn't. It was along the lines of the here.
Yeah. So we kept that a line. Yeah, the idea was like we did it. We did the thing.
I mean, we're married on paper. That seems to be pretty important. Yeah. I moved in with her and her mom.
Eventually we got rid of the mother. What'd you do with the body? We moved it to Hollywood Boulevard. Okay.
And we put it in, I believe it's an apartment. The mom likes to think it's a condo. Right. But I'm sure she misses her house.
I don't think she planned on ever leaving. But it just wasn't big enough for all of us. So you took her house? Well, half of it is gerunds.
I took my wife's half. And it was funny because for so long I didn't want to do this. But because my dad married my mom and then moved in with her and her mother. And her mother, my mom's mom lived upstairs.
We all lived downstairs. And I realized that's exactly what I did. You followed on your father's footsteps. I did.
Just 100% without question. Without even realizing it. Well, I knew what I was doing. You knew what he had done.
Well, of course. Yeah. And he had also said to me once, you know, if it wasn't for grandma, this couldn't have made it work. My dad was a handyman, house painter.
He couldn't have raised five kids on social security. All those wages, yeah. But the fact that there was a house already in play. You know what I absolutely love about sheath underwear?
They've got so many options. Oh, different styles, different techniques to make you feel oh so good on the inside. There's a two pouch compartment system that's in every pair of sheath to put your wiener and your balls. Here's for the balls, here's for the wiener.
Keep them separate, keep them cool. That's what Robert Patton thought of when he was fighting for us in Iraq. He's an American war hero. This is a veteran owned company.
So you should support sheath underwear. Go to sheathunderwear.com and use promo code JEREMIAH to get 20% off your first order. And as always, sheath guarantees a 100% money back guarantee if you're not completely satisfied. Again, go to sheathunderwear.com and use promo code JEREMIAH.
Get sheath and let them support your balls. I don't think I would have, I wasn't on the path to have a house. I liked the apartment I was in. I liked my roommate.
And I could have rode it out forever. What was the nicest thing that you owned when you were living in that apartment? Some people have a nice jacket, some people have a watch, some people have made a bar. When I was living in my apartment?
Well, I mean, I used to talk about it briefly because it was a 3.57 Magnum. That was the nicest thing I owned for a long time. So you sleep in? And I didn't even know what I was protecting with it.
The joke about you and your special about sleeping with a 3.57 Magnum, is there any truth about it? Of course. But I, and I would leave the first chamber empty in case I pulled my trigger in my sleep. There's, everything is, is true.
But it's the same, it's the same thing how this podcast started where you don't believe me because of my tone and what appears to be sarcasm. But it's just a seed of truth that I may water with my imagination. I mean, you would be very good at the game, Two Truths and Lie. Or being interrogated by the FBI.
I'm always a few steps ahead of who's ever interviewing. I feel like you are the catch me if you can of comedians. I'm just, I would say that that is an okay angle. I'm easy to catch, but you just won't know what you've caught.
Right. I'm here. You caught me. But what would, what would you even do with me if you caught me?
I think we're doing it. Exactly. And then you realize I was okay without that. Do you have siblings?
I am the youngest of five children. By the way, I'm going to let you know something. I usually don't interview like this. I know.
You don't think I know that this is different from what you do? And you don't think I, and you don't think I already know that this is kind of the happiest and most uncomfortable you've been in this situation because it's going in a direction you hadn't planned. But it's okay. But that's, that's the beauty of life.
That's the beauty of improv and life. Every episode is different. Yeah. And I lean into whatever the guests energy is throwing me.
So I, so I, you know, well, that's the same thing. Dr. Phil told me, you know, don't ever, don't ever miss the opportunity to shut up. Let them, let them run.
And what's good about this is as you let me run, I also let you run even in, even in silence, you're doing more than usual. Usually you have a lot going on. You have a lot of angles and, you know, some voices and faces and music. And here you're just, this is who you are.
Just to do shooting it. Just two human beings in a garage with some sound proofing. But yet, but yet the garage door is open for us because the heat, because the heat, I haven't figured this out yet with the studio set up in this garage is during the summer, the air flow is pouring here and I'll have to get some kind of AC unit or something eventually. But right now it's nice enough where if I do it in the evening.
It's beautiful. Maybe you should just do it in the evenings. Maybe, maybe so. I mean, that's one way around.
Catch comics. Investing in a case. Catch comics. Before they go out and do sets.
Just, just catch them whenever they're ready to pour it out a little. Yeah. As I was today. How would you describe my comedy a little bit?
How would you describe my stand up? Like, because you said that I usually see, you see me. Well, there's a lot, but, but it's all precise. You're a lot smarter than you let people know.
Oh, interesting. So, you take it down a few notches thinking that it'll be a little more relatable to the audience where if I were you, I would go the other way. Really? Make them come to me.
Make them listen. Make them have to figure it out. Yeah. Why would you want to dial anything down in life?
Life is too short. You know, when are you the happiest when it's clicking? Yeah. When I'm going like.
Yeah, because there's no filter. Right. That's why some of your biggest laughs are in between your jokes. I haven't figured that part out yet.
Well, you're about to. You're about to when someone mentions it. Well, I mean, the thing it like with my stand up like because I'm a strong improviser. Yeah.
What's hard is all I'll spend so much time writing specific jokes where it's like, you know, traditional setup punch. Yeah. But then I'll riff something that night that will always outdo the written stuff. That's the it's so hard because they appreciate like the magic spark of what's right in front of them.
And that's the battle. I'm funnier in between my jokes. So I'm trying to make my jokes feel like the in between. Right.
So that is the hard part. So the key is, you know, I want I want the jokes to be the in between. I mean, but you're such a well written performer though that I mean, I never see it as that. I mean, it comes off natural because I know that's that's that's I'm just I don't want to do a monologue.
I know that's how I feel all the time. So of course. I feel like I'm talking at the audience of I'm not. We are.
Yeah. And you know, Mitzi once said, you know, talk with them, not at them. Yeah. And that's that's where I'm at as a human being.
I just want to hold the room and just deliver my words on a pillow, not a rock. And that's that's where I'm at right now. I'm just trying to love and I'm trying to do it here with you. I'm trying to do it with anyone I come in contact with.
I'm trying to do it with my child. I'm trying to do it with the wife. I'm just trying to be I'm just trying to be across the board. And it was one of the things that Gary Shanley was working on toward the end.
He had said once to me, he's just he wants to be stand up. He doesn't want to do it. He just wants to go up there and talk and let people in on his thoughts and not talk in terms of a joke or a setup or a punch. He just wants to talk.
And that to me is what I'm striving for. I can make a room laugh. I can construct a joke. I can destroy.
But the point is I want to not be so calculating. I want to just say hi. This is who I am. Here's a few things I'd like to talk about.
There will be some jokes. But just I'm at a place where I'm okay if I don't do stand up. But I sure like trying to nudge the room to the light, even if it's who's ever out there. I'm trying to encourage love.
You know, a lot of suffering in the world. So I try and use my words to soothe nudge people in the right direction. I'm always trying to help whether it's a comedian or someone who just wants to say hi. I think it's important to realize how lucky we are.