I am, you have no idea how excited I am right now. You really like it? I'm so freaking excited for this. I haven't played that since I was a kid.
No, no, we're tweaking the rules. Oh. Who is it? The way I used to do it was finding different occupations, the occupations first.
Right. This feels right, man. Yeah, I'm looking at ourselves and we are sharp-dressed men. You know, we look, I think, like a couple on a honeymoon.
Yeah, we look like that couple. We do look like this couple. Josh gifted me this tank top right before the pod and it is Joe Exotic behind, do you know this gentleman's name? I think if you say naked black guy with a dick, people know what you're talking about.
Yeah, the guy with the thing. Yeah, yeah. If you say naked black guy over quarantine, they're like, yeah, we know what it is. Oh, you mean the picture that I got texted a million times by a ton of different buddies?
A million times. Yeah, because there were some real good ones. But this to me, and I want you to know, here's why that's extra special. One, I'm not sure what material that is exactly.
How would you describe that material? Sheen? Sheen, shear? Charlie Sheen?
I don't even know what she needs. It's not too often that I gift tank tops. It's not very often that anyone sees my arms out of a shirt that doesn't have sleeves on it. Now, your arms are almost as pale as my leg.
And your legs are next level. But your legs are next level. Because you can really see the vein. Yeah.
Like you see the blue on my shoe? It's not as blue as my leg. Like Puma went to Josh's legs to try. They're like, what color?
I don't know what color blue that is, but it is beautiful. Yeah, the name of the shoe is Josh Wolf Blue. And then on top of that, man, when I saw that shirt, I'm a fan of just weird. Of course.
There's not a whole lot better than that. I mean, this is just what kind of looks what I get walking around downtown and Nashville in the shirt. I'm going to tell you something right now. I have worn one of those shirts out.
And it is a conversation starter. Oh, I bet. People are going to come up to you if you're in that shirt. Well, you're inviting people to come say what's up.
You might as well say, please come talk to me. Yeah. And they do. And the biggest question I get when I wear that.
Where did you go to get one of those shirts? Of course. Always a bro. It was like, I go to April.
Where did you get that, man? That is a shit, bro. That's a solid. That's a solid tank top.
Now, this is a shirt I don't think I've ever worn. This shirt here, when I used to do control chaos, I used to dress Jacob up in weird clothes. Every week, you had a little budget for him. That was great.
Yeah, that was a lot of fun. And this is one of his shirts. Now, this shirt reminds me of if Rick, you look kind of reminds me of Ricky Ricardo on acid. Yeah.
Or Ricky Ricardo joins the circus, like something like that. Yeah, or just Ricky Martin. Or just Ricky Martin. On a Tuesday.
Yeah, this is not, you know, there's a lot bad on this outfit. First of all, these shoes, I only wear, these are not great. The color of these shoes with this. But I think these are the most grandma glasses I got.
They are Elton John's grandmother. That's what those glasses are. Grandma John? Grandma John.
Oh man, why didn't he write a song about goodbye grandma John? Goodbye grandma John. We had a good time. Yeah, I enjoyed your weather all time.
Goodbye grandma John. You made great old my cookies for me. I don't know why I turned it down. I'm not all of a sudden.
We have to cook. Oh, John, I'm a little different. Sandler, that voice still makes me exceedingly happy. He nailed it.
That voice still, it's a code breaker of a voice. It really is. Oh, booty. Oh, sure.
Oh, sure. Hey, hey. And he can do it at any time. And you're like, yeah, I'm in for this voice.
Hey, boo, boo, do you ever see my movie on CUT Gems? Wow, have you seen on CUT Gems? Yeah, I have. Have you ever seen that movie?
By the way, I have seen that movie. Have you seen that movie? By the way, how great would that have been if Rob Schneider wasn't that if he was the CUT Gems? Dude, right as he finally like is about to pull up the high seats, pull down, he goes, you can do it.
You can do it. Well, just breaks all reality of that movie. Who do you think has had, has been the luckier to be associated with Sandler? No, I won't say that Rob only got work because of Sandler because I think you got SNL without Sandler.
Oh, yeah. So right, right. He happened to meet him and they just had chemistry. Do you think, because I think, look, what was the movie?
Love Guru? No, no, that was Mike Myers. That was Mike Myers. That was Mike Myers.
His first one. Rob Schneider movie. The Rob Schneider movie where he... The Hot Check, the Animal.
The Animal. The Animal. The Animal. Okay.
The Animal. Animal. And Hot Check, by the way. They're funny.
They're funny. They're funny. They're funny. Both legit.
They have big glass in them. I am one of those dudes also that your movie has to be so bad for me not to like it. Yeah. Because I will give credit and slack to a lot of movies if they're fun.
They're fun. That was my thing with the new Mortal Kombat movie people were upset about. It's a video game movie and it's just fun. It's silly.
It's fun. Were you expecting the Godfather? We're expecting the plot to be incredible? You know, I was really hoping there was going to be more of a love connection.
The character development between step zero and... You know, his front kicks weren't believable. Fuck you. It's called Mortal Kombat.
The movie's called Iron Man Tournament for Soul. Yeah. It's not quite grounded enough for me. I don't know about that.
I don't believe that their souls were really... Honestly, I'm with you. The Jurassic Park movies. It seems like I feel like the Tyrannosaurus Rex's arms would have been a little longer.
Did you hear that Tyrannosaurus actually had feathers back in the day? They didn't represent that much, whoever. That shit drives me. First of all, you're criticizing just getting a movie made and making it and getting it distributed.
It's so hard. It's the amount of movies that don't get made or they get put on the shelf before we ever see them is such an astronomical number. Come on. Yeah.
So if I'm going, I would rather have a good time than a bad time. Does that sound crazy? I would rather have a... So I don't go into movies like you do you better, better impress me.
You know what? I put a book in there with my notepad. No, I go in like, hey, now granted I'm pretty high when I go in. So I'm already like...
So that already bumps up the derating to Lisa C. I'm easy to please. If I'm not asleep by the end of the movie, you've done a great job. It was rippling.
I am on board for that. You're on tomato scores, or? 100%. I stayed awake the whole time.
That's what all my reviews say. Loved it. I didn't sleep once. Loved it.
You watched Gone With the Wind. Horrible. I don't know what it was. I don't think I could get it.
I've never seen it. No. What would you say is the biggest movie you've never seen that other people have? I wanna say probably Pope Fiction is up there.
That is way up there. It's way up there. Now I'm not curious. I'm curious.
I tried to watch it a couple of times as a kid. And my dad came in the room... Yeah. ...and was like, turn this trash off.
Yeah. What are you doin'? You're not supposed to jerk off this movie. I'll give it up.
Oh. Oh, does it in the right one? I like the briefcase. Wait, that's the part of turning the one?
Not in the tournament or anything. cool pre-schools for a second like a little lights up and stuff I am so that's up there for me I'm here that movie that I haven't seen that they sometimes get upset with me They're like have you not seen I was just it's one of those that have so by me okay I haven't seen all of I've seen some of Tarantino's big films have you seen true romance? Mm-hmm. It's that's top 10 movie for me ever.
Okay. That's not the cast has seen time bandits Yes, so have you just said yes, have you never seen time in it? I love it. I fucking love Time is an underrated film freaking good time if we're talking time travel movies of all time travel movies Top five easily easy back the future obviously for me.
Yes. Gotta be number one. I'll wait for me Titanic everything Titanic That's pretty big never seen that you know That's one of the highest grossing of all time everything Titanic I've seen the notebook No book I can understand but I'm at that surprise me though because you're a married guy Yeah, that surprised me because I'm a very guy who says find someone else to see that movie with you Yo, there's a lot of things you gotta do in marriage you don't want to sometimes Yeah, the girlfriend or whatever is like go see that with Chanel or whatever. You're going to do you think my wife has a friend named Chanel maybe What an interesting name to pull One of my wife's friends named I popped in my head.
Oh, I know that's so funny But but I I Josh's dog Indiana Jones is chomping at the bit to come hang out with us Yeah, I played sax a hint before in his face when I By the way to now makes me laugh. Yeah time travel movies back to future number one. It's gotta be What else and what else we talking about Dylan Ted? Oh, yeah, that's up there for me to me that's better than time minutes Don't Ted yeah, yeah if we're talking if we're real talk.
Yeah, yeah But time band is just slept on I had that on a VHS tape as a kid but time and it is so far before your time in such an obscure film Like who showed you time and it's on a VHS I think one of my some of you my family recorded it on a VHS tape and then I would show it to friends when they came over and we just thought it was amazing We're like there's time travel. There's little people. Yeah, this is incredible. By the way those two things for me Same thing that's what sold the movie in the elevator.
Okay, okay. We've got this idea. All right, little people got a time travel. Yeah, yeah Start production a media There's really no script up guys, they're just like you little people are gonna do all the work.
Yeah, that was Legit there were some funny Funny parts and I think what I like about it too is sometimes they're so mean to the kid in it Yeah, it's like you they don't make movies like that more. No, you can't be that mean did children anymore not in a movie No, you can't relax at your house with the doors. Yeah, yeah, I tell people all the time look You can't be a bad parent in public in private you do it. I'm a fucking whatever you want.
Yeah, but when you're a Walmart Get your shit together. It's showcase mode. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it gets your shit together at Walmart Yeah, you know, I left my kid once in the grocery store.
Did you how long he threw a tantrum? You just decided to so My dad I remember my dad my brother threw tantrum at the grocery store and I was like really right now I was like we haven't got the food. He's like I'll come back and get it, but I'm not doing this and he turned my brother He goes hey, I'm leaving my brother's like yeah Whole thing my dad was like I started walking on the aisle with him and I look back and he goes don't look back at him I go okay, so we walk out and I'm walking up to the parking lot And I just kind of glance and I see my brother kind of darting in between cars because he he wants to pretend like he's not there but and My dad gets in car and I get the car and he starts it up and he's like, you know, he's right there and he goes yeah, you know I know put it in drive Joe So my son was throwing a tantrum and I said hey, we're not do tantrums We're gonna do it. We're gonna do it at home I'm put you in the room, but I'm public we don't do tantrums.
Yeah, and he just kept I go cool. I don't believe it I told my other two kids there come on and they're going to watch ever I go well You can stay with him if you want and they were both like no no no no we're gonna come with you Yeah, we don't we just said what about him, but we don't really really care. We really want to go Do we even have a brother? Yeah, this is cool.
Yeah, this is cool. Yeah, I get as bad They were already claiming did can I have a shoes like you know what I mean? He didn't die he's just the grocery store And yeah, I got in the car and my daughter was real concerned She was like are you really leaving and I said yeah, I'm really there now here we go. We're in studio city I feel pretty safe in studio city.
He's eight and Which isn't really old and I get the car and I see him at the door at the door and he sees me look at him So there's that moment that like he's deciding. Oh, he's checking on me. I'm good. Yep, right?
And I just pretend like I'm the same boom boom put it and drive down the parking lot this dude Dude arms up pumping waving like this Don't forget me. Yeah That was it yeah, and I didn't do what my dad did I stopped yeah, and I was like hey You know I got a problem leaving any of you I said all I'll leave any of you and they were all like got it never attention Public everything how many dads in America do you think you know there's always that the joke of my dad when I forgot I never came back. Yeah, how many dads do you think did that situation where they're like if you throw one more tantrum? I'm never coming back and they thought that he was bluffing and Because maybe it's the dad who's like well you gotta follow through on what you say.
Yeah, where it's not good for the Kid man is only it's good I'm mad as only as part and if you don't live by every word that it comes out your mouth and are you really ma'am man You know I gotta tell you dude. I think there's what? There's something that's missing because there was a level of independence that I had There was a level of independence that I had now look I grew up in the 60s not it but you know The shirt says yes, but but there was a level of independence I had that there it's not only do the kids not have it They're not allowed to have it parents also expected you to have the independence too Yeah, even for me as a kid we were expected to go play where we gave our parents a break like go out of the house and play Now as I've gotten older I think go play outside was code for I want to fuck your mom, but I'm not sure Oh, dude my dad wore this nurse shirt the surgical, you know, what's it scrubs scrubs? Yeah, so he wore this shirt and I knew that anytime he was wearing that shirt He had just had sex with my mom wait.
That was his that was his I just banged one out shirt I mean, I would expect the one like this or this something with a little joke the reason why I asked him years later. He goes Well, you can put on that shirt whatever way and it's always on the right way So when you kids were about to come in the room or something just grab the shirt real quick and throw it on So that was a sex shirt. He had like a dedicated sex shirt. Yo dude first of all.
I love your dad Oh dude, he's amazing. I love your dad had a sex shirt. Yeah a sex shirt You know what I'm funny if he came to the kitchen one day and you were wearing it and he were like what's up You're like what the fuck? There's a new man.
Hey, uh, can you pick up for me a little tired? You know what I'm saying? Hey dad, right again You know one time so when I was young my parents left the door when I saw them right What the fuck was that? What did you hear that behind your head?
No, I don't want to say it was a bird I wonder if that showed up on camera. I don't know. We'll have to check the footage later Okay, so my instinct would say that was a dragonfly. However, it was too big You're really close And too big to be a dragonfly.
By the way for those of you listening to the podcast We are in Nashville right now. We are on Josh Wolf's deck and we figured we do the pod outside It's so nice. Yeah, um, so a dragonfly might have almost taken my head off What is dragonfly? Do you think it was a bird?
It was somewhere between bird and dragonfly could have been a bat man We saw two cars get stolen on here the other night. Yep, that was crazy Yeah, that was wild We heard some yelling and some tires region and we were both like that's weird And then there was a note on the door from the police. Mm-hmm. Could you call us if you have any information?
Yeah, we're like well, we just I gotta tell you when I got the note. Could you call us? I thought oh here it is like I have more weed and mushrooms here Oh, you thought that people were smelling weed like around? I thought I was like I am you think I'm gonna call you so I can go to jail.
That seems dumb. Yeah. Yeah, I'll call Are you the guy with drugs? Yeah, that's me.
We're gonna come out pick you up The cops tried to do that to my dad multiple times throughout my childhood. Okay. He had guns and stuff and Are you serious? Yes Dude this dude with his sex shirt is now one of my favorite people You gotta watch the podcast of my dad I ask him I interview him about his first couple wives before my mom I have his questions I've always wanted to ask him as a kid and I had him on this podcast When I went back to Kansas City at his place we did a backyard podcast And I ask him just awkward questions and he's honest and he tells me the truth on all of it That's crazy Yeah, I just interviewed my dad and I asked him if he had ever He was a weed guy at all ever growing up And he was like nah, he said I did have a brownie once when we live in Amherst Which is when I grew up where I saw him having sex He goes that was the night that I passed out while I was peeing and stuck my hand through the window So he with his He was so high from his edible that he was taking a leak and he fell asleep He passed out with his dick in his hand and we had a window above the toilet and he put his hand Right through the window Wow.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's cool I mean, but he told me he was like, yeah, that was the last time Yeah, I mean if you're if things are going to that extent you're like, okay, I'm gonna go see a slow thing So maybe I'll stick the beer. Yeah, maybe that's my thing of choice And by the way, the edibles back then Even 10 years ago the difference between a homemade edible dude is that And I know you're not a drug guy. So what would happen is people would make edibles, right? You get the weed you melt it into the in the butter, right?
But you know when you're cooking and it's homemade, you know, you don't know where the butter is All the butter could be in two brownies, right? You don't feel evenly distributed at all So old like when people would be like, I made brownies You would really eat the plate and everybody would eat the plate and then you'd look around and be like, I wonder who got the good brownie Yeah, who like you look around and you're like who's about to be fucked up in outer space Because some people like I don't feel anything and some people are like, oh, I'm gonna jump off my bridge, you know what I mean? Like it for sure was never real even which is why I love the the stuff now is super My dad said that when he would smoke weed back in the 70s that sometimes you get a batch where you didn't realize that somebody had dosed you and it was dipped in LSD Yeah, I had heard people doing that. It's one of these very common I don't take first of all, I would never do that because I would never waste my drugs on somebody else, right?
Give them free really. Oh, you really got me pranked nailed it. I got extra money Yeah, I got wait. I got more drugs cool, but also like you know what people ask me on the road.
Hey Like sometimes have you ever had people bring you food this joy from friends up in the middle? Hey, are you doing? What are you eat? What do we eat?
Um, have you ever had anyone make you food in the road? It's happened a couple times. Yeah, there was a lady in charlotte who used to bring me trays of mac and cheese And finally I told her hey, I can't eat this yeah, and she's like why not I go well I go if a stranger walked up to you on the street and was like hey, I made the sandwich in my kitchen But I'd like you to eat it you'd be like no and she goes I'm not a stranger and I go yeah Are to me like I know you're not a stranger to you But like and I told her I'm not even worried about you dosing it or anything I just don't know what your kitchen looks like. Yeah, it's a cleanly hands.
I don't know if there's dog hair in there There could be a number of things that you know what I'm saying like that's what I don't know if you wash this pan before yeah None of that stuff. I know I just saw you taking your ass. There's not a health inspector going by your kitchen That's for sure. No, yeah And I'm just right now I know for sure the the cleanliness of your clothing has an F So I'm just gonna only guess what's happening in the kitchen dude.
There was this lady who Went to our church that she was the cat lady at our church There's always a cat lady at every church and there would be sunday lunches and stuff like that sunday potlucks where everybody would bring something And my mom would always like we'd be about to go for a certain mac and cheese. She doesn't know kids That's you're not even that one really and it was from the cat lady. She's like I don't I do not trust that mac and cheese She's like you are not eating it that is so she would see she my mom would have eyes like a hawk She would see which mac and cheese was laid down by which lady and it was the cat lady's mac and cheese She's like no kids you're skipping that one that yeah, and the account lady was I was like, I always go home with a full triangle What is it? I slave over my stove every week and nobody eats my mac and cheese It's because there's a freaking hair is all sticking out in the middle.
I told you that I found a claw In the chicken McNugget. Yeah, I talked to the story about the bandit, right? Yeah, it's I literally Josh tells this story right after we have great Thai food and sushi. Oh, it was delicious.
Yeah, it was delicious Yeah, my stomach is full. I'm feeling good You know that that kind of like warm feeling in your belly that you get after you eat a good meal We're all sitting around. I think I say swallow good load but go ahead in the shirt. Yeah, you got it.
You nailed it And it's tank top you got it. I was like on a tank bottom mister And Josh tells us story of His friend at a wedding my brother-in-law. Yes, we were at my sister-in-law's rehearsal dinner And this dude my brother-in-law were all sitting there and we're on a Catalina island nice restaurant very nice island by it's an island It's an island very nice the Catalina wine mixer heard of it from brothers. There you go.
Yeah, that's how you know. That's how you know it's nice Really nice and he's dude Chew in this he's eating calamari and he's been looking for the calamari. He was like man I can't wait to get some calamari. He was saying it all day.
I call him I had it there yesterday So we're gonna have some calamari you're talking about a calamari calamari. It's we're all sitting there and Calamari comes now look it could have happened anyways because we all reached for the calamari, but the amounts times he said calamari Oh, dude made me happier. So this is a thing he was so psyched also He had just come on I think he was just coming off like a like a weird diet. We hadn't had this shit in a long time fried food He's just eating everything's all about it and he pops this piece of calamari's mouth He's chewing it he's chewing it and he's chewing it and he's chewing it and he's chewing it and he's chewing it and he was like what the fuck And he pulled it out and it was a band-aid Somebody somehow a band-aid had gotten in there and and he put it in his mouth It's it's the single now.
I laugh for a long time a long time of course of course I was in between vomit and laughter. Do you know that? Because every time I thought about if that had happened to me if that dude if that happened to me I would have lit a match to that place and been like You won't this doesn't even pay me back. Yeah, this doesn't even a band-aid from somebody clearly Obviously he's working in the kitchen.
It fell off a part of their body It's so gross to think of where the all the places we go like with a band-aid and somebody told me once they were like yeah But I get fried I'm like they don't serve fried band-aids for a reason dude Do you know what I mean like dude? I had one out of carnival ones now It's really good man. You haven't tried one dude. It's really good.
That's literally a vampire carnival Yeah, yeah, that's what it would be like fried band-aids and stuff like that Oh, can I get some can I get some cold blood we don't drink cold blood no we don't do that cold blood my friend If you were gonna be one of those where wolf Frankenstein vampire Which ones your werewolf before vampire? How come because you're normal during the day? Yeah, I gotta live with my days and it's only once a month that causes a real rough time for everybody Is it really only once a month? I thought it was every time the moon came out full moon So you can be locked away as a werewolf if you just you know, I mean if you if you time it right if you're lunar calendar and you're organized guy That's not an issue.
You know what I would think if you are were a werewolf you better get your shit together I also don't want to live forever. That's the big no that to me. I'm like oh, I don't want to be a vampire You know when I like fly though if we're talking like lost boys vampire Lost was another good reference Tim Capella who's doing Capella that is the guy or does he play in a band? He still he does cameos for people still yeah big J.
Oakerson and Dan Soder did this campaign where they had him on the bonfire and it was beautiful That I remember like mom I'm on play saxophone. Oh dude. That's like how everybody started playing chess after queens gambit Yeah, when people saw lost boys and they saw the sack like I'm gonna try that. Yeah, that looks sexy One armed it's like that dude you know how hard it is to do that with a sax a tenor that that it's a bigger sax Yes to have the strength to do this over and over and the wind to do this and just pumping it around so he's a light It's not a light saxophone.
Is he a legendary sax player? He's like one of the yeah, I mean compare him to like a guitar like is he the Stevie Ray Vaughan of the sax world? I don't think that the sax world goes that deep Beyond like a five yeah like any gee Got a Tim Capella if you want to go a little deeper cutters guy named Gerald Albright. There's one guy named jeremae walkie There's a guy named leo p from too many zoos.
He's my favorite sax player too many zoos He there's this guy named leo p that in my opinion is better than Kenny gee he's my favorite sax player because his style is so different from everybody He's playing subways in New York And he he can do techno and weird crazy things with the sax like by the way and by the way Do you think anybody is getting into a fight over a lio p and kenny g probably the fucking worst fight ever right those two people definitely don't Know about a sax battle between those guys I forget what I was about to say Kenny g leo p sax battle. No vampire werewolves. No, it might come back. Yeah, it'll come back My brain like I smoke enough weed where I don't forget everything but it's tangental you go a little tangent and then come back to Sometimes it falls back in place.
Yeah, these glasses help. Yeah, it's hard to take me seriously with these glasses You know it what I've never had an issue with taking you seriously because I've never taken you seriously. Oh, perfectly Yeah, then we really don't have any worry I mean, I think that's why we're good friends. Yeah, as we never take each other serious Not a fucking thing we did shoot some things yesterday dude that I think are going to be extremely funny I'm very excited to see that stuff.
Yeah, I'm very excited. Yeah. Now. I think you give me a blowjob was over the line I think it was but like I think we got it in the take I think we got it But it was like it was it was a fun.
It was a fun day shooting man. Yeah, it was a fun day shoot Yeah, Josh and I so I flew to Nashville basically to get to hang with Josh a little bit and Shoot stuff and we're gonna try to do that between LA and Nashville every couple months or whatever Do you shave your arms? I did for a manscaped ad And how does it feel these shaved on the ground? It's actually I like it because I use roll on deodorant Yeah, and with the roll on it really gets stuck in the tufts of hair and the roll on just stays on your pits way better What happens when you sweat and you don't have any hair?
Um, maybe maybe you do get a little bit more leakage. I don't know. I mean, I wonder if it just drips like down the side I don't know I haven't experienced it yet, but I also I'm in that hot weather So I don't know the drip town is one of my least favorite fields Yeah, I don't like I don't all the pounds drip town is not somewhere I like to visit Drip town is a is a town that I try to stay away from like I like flavor town, but I do not like drip town No, no drip town is like two towns away from flavor town. Oh, yeah.
Well, I mean Guy Fieri is so sweaty Yeah, that's like a sistering town. Yeah, Guy Fieri has to drive through dip Guy Fieri has a lot of towns, but a lot of them didn't catch on I mean like flavor town is a famous one, but let's think about all the towns that did make the cut Yeah, uh, how about um color tip town? You know, he has his tips color dude. I thought you meant like a two-tone penis No, but I will tell you something which I haven't admitted to many people My dick is a different shade skin shade than my the rest of my body.
Yep. That's my dad It's so bananas. My dad's penis is super tan compared to his body. Yeah, mine too.
Yeah, well, you think that is Because you've seen my legs anything's tan. Yeah, you would think that it would be golem on the legs My business is not looking at the sun. Yeah, yeah, yeah But it's tan it's like it's been in Miami so weird like my dick matches my outfit. Okay.
Okay. Okay. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, like my dicks in Miami My legs are in Greenland.
Do you know my legs are like somewhere where there's snow By the way, I I wonder if my legs can still get tan. Have you ever I know they haven't seen the sun in years and years, right? When was you showed as an experiment go outside and do a tan or go to a tan bed and see what happens? I think I'm gonna try outdoors.
I might because I haven't worn shorts in 20 years 20 years then I would be worried that you might get a serious burn You would literally I'd recommend since I've had skin issues in the past if you're gonna actually do that You're gonna expose to the sun do not do it more than 10 or 15 minutes of first time Here's my you'll burn brother. I think I'm immune to the sun from here. I think my legs cannot get tan anymore They might have given up like they might have shipped the melanin all to your dick That's why basically maybe that's what happened all the melanin from your legs that were supposed to be Abandoned shit. They went right into that tan dick years But what if what if I what if I actually just revealed that the only part of my body that's seen son is my dick I do tan my dick I do like to tan that up.
You go to glory holes, but but it's just some beds for tanning guys. You stick the dick in By the way, so I did Beth was shooting my wife was shooting them a music video right yeah in florida and She was like you gotta come and you gotta wear shorts at the beach. I said all right and she said so go to tanning bed Now when I say I'm wearing shorts 20 years that excludes the beach Got you okay? So I go to the tanning she goes you gotta get spray tan.
I go okay So I go up right up the street this is a great time place And um the lady walks in and she said she went just like this holy hell I go what she goes your legs are uh They're white and I go but not the widest you've ever seen she goes no these are the widest legs I've ever seen She said I see people all day every day. She said I've never seen a human have that color on their body She's saying that was she's like super tanning her lips. I know she's not I've never seen that color part Your color length can't take a picture is that even human if I hear What's on here like it's better than the pain on the wall It was through the way she said she was like put your leg up against the white on the wall With one of those home depot colors. Yeah, what is it just as Josh's legs?
It's like I said blind dude this I'm telling you this is like the color of a fish that you would pull up from the bottom of the ocean And you'd be like nobody's ever seen that fish before That's interesting. It's never seen the sound your legs are so white when the black lives matter movement was really going on Did you feel like you had to contribute more because of your legs? Yeah, so white? Yeah, I don't need a double.
I was just like you know what? Yeah, this feels like partially my fault even though You know, it's my legs fault but my top half but my dick is fun progressive progressive But the leg below that yeah, that's honestly I get so guilty just sleeping on sheets with my legs Because I know you know, I was like babe. We can't yeah, we can't do it. So we gotta do some sort of darker color Right, but like when I stand like even my own Arm next to my leg.
They look foreign that arm does not look like it goes with that leg. No, no, no By the way, do you do you One of my favorite type of person to look like to look at is the person whose Body and head and like nothing seems to match. Do you know those people? You're like oh like the people who got ripped later in life that their head will never match their body never They got yoked and it's like but you still have that same head.
Yeah, they look like a far side character Yes, I have a giant body right tiny head you like oh wow, this is an interesting look for you Dude, we went okay one of the gyms that I worked at in LA this guy. Did you work at multiple gyms like years ago? Yeah, okay. Yeah, you said one of the gyms I thought oh no just from where I When I would live I moved I would just get go to a different gym.
Oh, I didn't have three different gym memberships Oh, I think he said one of the gyms you worked at oh not work worked out at work out at okay I'll tell you the job. I worked at cantors daily for two days. I love cantors. I saw someone maybe I shouldn't tell you that Yes, you're gonna ruin something for me.
What year was this? 1998 all right. I can live with it. Tell me this gross fact the soup She couldn't find a ladle and she just started with her Hand she put her hand in there Because I had to put it on the pot before the pot and she's like I gotta mix it up real quick She started up like this and I was like I'm not eating that soup.
That's the is that with that creple like taste? Yeah, I was like that I knew that was salty. Is that what creple like in the dish mean old lady's hand? Gross Um she made skin to soup contact Repeatedly hi, I'm Jeremiah Watkins and I was born with a very rare disease called grower syndrome I've never felt comfortable whipping out my penis or even stripping down to my boxers in public because of grower syndrome I'm never at full capacity.
I'm never really feeling like I can show people what I'm really working with But all that changed when I started wearing sheath underwear Sheath underwear takes that rare condition called grower syndrome and turns you into a shower They use a two pouch compartment system in every pair of their boxers They may look normal up on the outside, but then you turn them on the inside You got a compartment for your penis and a pouch for your balls So you go from looking like this a Casper empty vessel of a boxer to Whoa Who's that new guy in the office? I think he deserves a raise Go to sheath underwear calm and use promo code jerema to get 20% off your first order Every sheath order comes with a 100% money back guarantee so you know you're gonna be satisfied That sheath underwear calm use promo code jerema get sheath underwear today and let them support Your balls I worked at el cholo okay catering I worked one catering party I used to cater So people with cater I cater with jodas i cater with a guy named brian duckelman who used to he was half of steaming ryan ccrest the original Oh, yeah, yeah So one time I was out on a cater and jodas right you have catered before I have not I've waited tables but not catered Okay, so do you know underneath the like You know like out of buffet underneath the little star nose the the key candles kind of thing keep them Yeah, keep it the heaters the buns and burn whatever you want to call it It's um, it's basically a substance called a star no, okay The only way to get it all to turn out to put out the flame is to cut out the air So you got to put the lid back on copy throwing water on it just spread it around and makes it uh Fire everywhere. Okay, so i'm catering jodas. It's me joe joe, maybe one of the person I'm in charge of this catering and I so I picked joe and whoever else they sign We're loading up the van We're loading the van and I hear joe joe come running around the job Go go go get the van go go what and I look back and the trash cans are on fire.
He goes like those turnos would go by themselves This fucking dude a flame whoo shoots out of these like go go go go Fucking got in this van drove off I go maybe we should put it out. He goes fuck down. I got he was like he said something like he was like I can't go back to jail or something whatever he fucking said But dude catering with him Well, first of all, you know the only reason we catered is you got cash and you came home with food Yeah, and all that's that's a big win all the way around win. Yeah, I catered one guy Who for whatever reason whenever showed up at anyone's house he had to poop and I was like hey, you can't yeah Don't be that guy.
You can't shit at this house. We're here to cater not like use the restroom So it's bad enough if you're a guest at somebody's house You don't yeah, you don't even want to be a guest doing that okay. Let me ask you opinion Okay, you're at somebody's house. Okay, not staying for the weekend because obviously you got a dope Yeah, you're here.
They're for dinner. They might you over dinner. Yeah, and you kind of gotta go If I kind of gotta go I will wait now. I'm not gonna push something out.
No no, but so I had a friend recently Who had a friend over? Yeah friend brought her husband her husband At one point the owner of the house got up to go to the bathroom. He says excuse me. He's bathroom And the guy the woman's husband goes I bring a plunger So not only did he shit now see clogged the toilet, but didn't say anything was hoping to get out Right are you kidding me?
He won't even own up to it. So you got to come out of the bathroom like hey Also, if you do that in my opinion, I say hey, where is your plunger? So I take care of it This is already embarrassing enough humiliating You don't want somebody else going in there and clean literally cleaning up your mess after you never and now that you've guaranteed You're not getting invited back to that or any house or anybody like anybody who's heard that story and there are a lot of people who know those People you know those old restrooms that would uh it was very popular have carpet in the in the in the bathrooms Never heard of that my life really? Carpet in the bathrooms.
You've never been in a home with carpet in the bathroom. Oh home. Yeah, I can home. Yeah, yeah, yeah Dude, that's a bad idea.
Oh, dude. I've had some experiences where overflowing on the carpet It's a nightmare at your house. I think I did it at a friend's house once Yeah, but my dad luckily taught me what where the shutoff valve is. I'm going toilet.
So like it wasn't like crazy. Apparently. Yeah, I guess Anatomically Plumbing guns. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I yeah, I you don't think about jakeable my youngest son this dude Only ever had to poop at other people's places or when we got to target.
Oh, so did that guy what happened with that guy? Yeah, I wonder how's plunge it out. Oh after he left. Yo plunging somebody else's I would throw up.
I think I would I think I would throw up. I used somebody else's oh, yeah I used to do it at Starbucks and it was the worst oh people clocked to tell that a Starbucks dude coffee It runs right through people and they're just throwing whatever in there They don't care did you have to unclog the toilet at Starbucks? Yeah, tell me your worst story at Starbucks. Yeah, and then we'll get back to jake Yeah, um, well one of them I actually refused because it was too disgusting really.
I mean I mean the girls who I worked with do it. No was it a boys room or girls room? Well, here is the incident. Okay There was a guy a homeless guy who pooped in the alley and also all over the floor It literally was a trail that went from the men's room all the way out through the alley He pooped all the way through there entryway bathroom in alleyway One of the managers I'm working with is so stupid that he's like I think hot water will fix this He went to the alley and poured steaming hot water all over the poop and it became a poop river in the alley and it smelled like a nightmare Where was this LA?
That really hills. No, yeah, that's except the only dumber thing I think I've ever heard with that Yeah, I would a college in san Antonio. My first year there there was threat of snow and the city was which I love like that like hey They were tonight in my epine. Yeah panic.
It might be some florries We might get nine inches, but she was best be ready or it's san Antonio. Nothing's probably gonna happen probably because we've seen it Tony we're very close to where is hot, you know as it gets closer closer to the equator It's probably not gonna happen. You're probably not gonna see any snow. Probably not They don't have like a department of public works with trucks and sand They don't you know that's what happened in Austin when it froze over this year.
They went to town went to crappers shut down Yeah So what they were telling the department of public works to do was to drive around the city They were having their workers dig holes and throw dirt on the roads I don't know if you know how dirt works. It doesn't work like sand. No, and it didn't know it rained because it's san Antonio No, the freeways We're caked in mud mud dude mud because they had thrown piles in piles of dirt You know it's slippery mud when you're doing 80 dude. How many pileups the single stupid is when I was like I asked a guy because they were doing on campus.
I was like, what are you doing? They were getting ready to snow. I'm like I grew up in your boss and I'm like, of course, that's dirt. Yeah, and they're like, yeah We just want to make sure people don't slip.
I'm like, this should be funny. This should be Because also you put the the salt down after Yeah, to melt. Yeah, yeah, not so the snow falls on top of it and then freezes over it You put it down after it was the thing like dumb across the board dumb dumb across the board I keep looking at myself in this picture, man. You like it.
What are you thinking? You know, I obviously I put it on at first as a joke, but is this the new you? I mean it could be I honestly if I was going to keep two out of three of these things with this look Yeah, which two would you keep two out of the three? I think the shirts gotta stay sure it's gotta stay.
I think yeah I think I go shirt in glass. I might even keep glasses because the glasses are extra dumb the glasses are good This is a little I think you can do your hat guy. So yeah, I think you knew better. I appreciate that I think so.
Yeah, maybe I'll maybe that giant cowboy hat I just bought That's definitely an option. Do you think it's definitely not? Definitely an option idea. Hey, bane, how do you come up with your character?
Like how do you come up with shanks? Oh, man You know part of the process was It was kind of a weird reverse engineering of the way I used to do it was um Finding different occupation the occupations first, right and sometimes the costume Did you want this my cover back? That's yours. Just like this You can just take his tank top of his mind now.
You just earned yourself on my cover. In fact, you think he just bought himself a mic? It went upside to the button hole. Not even inside, it went upside.
That didn't sound the way I thought it was gonna sound. You think it sounded how I thought in my freaking ear hole? Oh, that's right. I never received her in a frame now.
How did that sound in there? Dude, you just farted inside my brain. And everybody else listening and watching this podcast with earbuds in. I gotta tell you that might be my favorite.
I've had a lot of favorite farts, but you just farted inside my brain is something I don't think I'll ever I might put that on my wall in my office. That's one of my prouder moments. You just farted inside my brain. Did it, it was hard to hear because it's muffled, but it was so loud.
Okay. Like your mic control over your voice. This episode has been about, you know, a seven. That was an 11.5.
Judgement did a little bit of this. Third the episode. He went, you locked and loaded that thing. Well, I know what parts important.
Yeah. Because I know when I need quality audio. I really don't want to need to lock in as a podcast guest. And that was it right there.
That was the moment. Some people laid a lifetime from a moment. That was a pretty excited about that. I'm not glad I mean, I think we found our clip.
I think so. I think so. I'm gonna ask you a few questions about the segment Fanning Out. Okay.
Fanning Out on the question. Somebody said this is Dr. This is Bort Bortor on Twitter asking about tuna and black bean dip. Okay, so he's referring to, I was a single dad for a while and had no money, you know, thousand dollars a month is basically what I made.
This is what I was catering in. And when you have no money in three kids, you have to get very creative with your food. So I, one of the meals that the kids and I ate was black beans with tuna fish and cheddar cheese cooked. How bad does that sound?
It sounds horrible. Okay. So I was on a morning TV show in Portland. Okay.
And the woman at her, I heard you make these things for your kids. You make one of the recipes for us. If you can find the clip, I thought she was gonna throw up on live TV. It was me, Doug Benson and her.
I sincerely thought the look on her face when she put a spoonful of that in her mouth, there was net was like so priceless. Because I remember thinking to myself, as I was making it, I think I'm missing an ingredient. I wonder what I used to make it taste good. Clearly I didn't have it there that day.
But my kid takes them weird. That's what you gotta do. When you're hustling. You gotta put it together.
But yeah, it was pretty gross. Do you wanna try some? No, just the tuna part already. What's the weirdest kind of food combo you eat that other people might think is gross?
I love peanut butter pickles. I've heard a lot, Laura Bikes was telling me about that. It's really good. I think it's a Midwest thing.
Yeah, that's what she said. She said peanut butter pickle sandwich. Yeah, peanut butter pickle sandwich is really good. So you go sourdill or sweet?
What is the? You gotta go dill. You gotta go dill. I'm gonna give it a try.
You're gonna try. Also, I just tried cinnamon toast crunch and strawberry yogurt. You gotta try that. It's so freaking good.
I gotta tell you, I'm almost angry that you suggested that. Why? Why are you gonna ruin cinnamon toast crunch? It makes me wanna do this.
It's so good. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. I was like.
What if you just did that? Which you did? What if I just did the thing that I said? What if I do this?
Is that what you're talking about? The thing that you did right after you said you what if you did it? I was thinking that the same thing. I'm like, wait, I just did it.
What if I did the thing I just did? I mean, sorry about that. Which one was better? First one or second one?
Dude, the second one somehow came with even more ferocity, I think. I pushed a little harder. All right. You're welcome.
Yeah, thank you very much for the content. You're welcome, internet. You're welcome. This one comes from, okay, there's actually a lot.
This comes from Hothead's official. How many more times has Josh been beat up by his son or does he just secede? We have officially stopped fighting because it started to get too serious. Well, here's the thing.
He can definitely beat the shit out of me now. Jake, he's like six, three, his hand. You know, we've sparred. Really?
Couple of times. Really? Oh, yeah. One time we sparred because my first special, Father of the Year, is about him challenging me to a fight, right?
So I thought it would be funny at the end of the special. You know, when the credits were rolling, to have us sparring in a ring. Okay. And so, Chairamite, right with this?
We're sparring. And my buddy, Freddy Prince, junior, was, we were at his place where he trains and he was like, get in there, do a couple rounds. And I'm like, okay. And so I'm trying to be cool in front of my friend, right?
And I'm old to do. Jacob's got wind. And so I'm starting to get tired out. So I grab him, right?
And I clench with him. Chairamite, I go, I'm breathing heavy. I go, I go, I go, we got a clench for just a second. I think I'm gonna throw up.
And when I said that, he pushed me back and punched me right in my face. And I took the head of your outfit. I was like, that's exactly what I would have done. That's exactly what I would have done.
I pulled a scar from Ryan. Yeah. Throw me to the stampede. I do have some help.
I have to show you this picture. I do have a picture in my favorites of me sticking him with a jab that, and he's like, that's the only one you screen grabbed. I'm like, yeah. Of course.
I have my favorite you hitting me. He was like, you didn't want to show them the other ones. I'm like, I'm an indie player who only posts photos of me and volume. Yeah.
I almost showed you a picture. Can I show you a table picture? Sure. I'm gonna show you this picture.
And then I want you to try to figure out what happened. Okay. This is personally from your life? Yes.
I have to tell you, I've never, I don't, I think the only other person who's seen this picture is Tom Sogara. Okay. And I sent it to him because Tom and I enjoy gross shit together. Yeah.
Okay. So I'm gonna show you this picture. You tell me what you think is happening. And I'll tell you, you guess, and I'll tell you exactly what happened.
I mean, somebody pooped in a shoebox. I'm not really sure why there is either toilet paper or paper towels in the shoebox. Yeah. I don't know.
What's the origin of that? I got locked out of my house but had to poop. No. And there was a shoebox.
I just threw away shoebox in the trash. So I found some paper towels in the trash. I grabbed a shoebox and I shit leaning up against the sign house into a shoebox. And then I thought, well, I have to take a picture.
And so that's what it is. That's what it is. And then I thought, well, I mean, everybody's gonna see this, right? Just because that's how my brain works.
Right. And so I called my brother and I told him what I was like, oh, do you want me to send the picture and he goes, no, no, please don't. Yeah, please don't. Please don't.
Like I was about to offer to put it on the screen on the podcast, but it's so disgusting. Yeah. It's zero reason. I know what poop also, it's funny.
Like you're thinking about sending that to some of your contacts. Like you've been repped by different shoe companies in the past and they'd be like, okay, if you didn't like the pair of shoes, we sent you. And that's hilarious. Cause that is I'm like, oh, by the way, look at this, you know what clip this is?
What? Oh, wow. That's old school controlled chaos right there. Yep.
Remember you were doing scenes that was Ross Matthews, Fortune and Josh Hawkins. Yeah. Yeah. That's amazing.
I'll send this to you. Yeah, that's great. I also have the video of you and Jacob, Dick fighting. Oh, you mean Darwin and Darwin.
Yeah, Darwin did a, did a cock fight with your son Jacob. That's me. Oh, you wrecked him. Send me that and a couple of those other videos and I might be my part.
Yeah, this is like, but that might be the only, but it's a stiff jab. Dude, his face is blurred. It's so straight. It's because I had told him now.
Listen, I'm stronger than him. Yeah. So I would, I would tell them, I go look man, don't get too close and don't hit me too hard because if you hit me too, I'm not going to be faster than me in a bearish, but if you hit me too hard, I'm going to react. Yeah.
And I can't control that in the moment. I mean, that's adrenaline. I'm a mad. Yeah.
So that's, and that was he stiff jab me a couple times. Like, let's just remind everyone what a stiff jab feels like. That was like his head did one of those and I was like, you ready to come down? He's like, yeah, I'll come.
Now, by the way, guys, listen in, he's not like 12. He's a 24 year old, six, three, man. He's a big dude. Yeah.
Yeah. So yeah, don't worry about it. But no, I haven't been beat up by Jacob lately. Thanks for asking.
Wow. I kind of, I mean, there's so many questions, but you know, I have a listener favorite of the show, which is we close out the show with Saks Talk. Oh, I love it. And I think that we could, I think that we can get into that right now.
Let's do a little sex talk. So, remind you, one of the last stories that you told was that you hooked up with a lady at IHOP that was, she was a larger woman. That was the last time I was on. That was one of the last, that was one of the last stories you shared.
Yeah. Was that sex talk? Oh, that's right. Just to give you a frame of reference.
Yeah. So dig deep into the vault and come up with a sexy story. Yeah, come up with a story. You know, we look back at the footage.
There's like literal eagles flying by. Tear it back up. Yeah, it's like, huh? The turtactyl hovering behind you.