JW Ep 187 - CJ Landry

Hey, I'm about to do LSD and watch scissor bros. Or I'm about to take mushrooms. Are we like a psychedelic podcast? I don't know.

Are we a psychedelic podcast? Dude, whenever he went deeper, I felt this pain in my stomach where I literally felt like he was touching my stomach. And I'm like, oh, I didn't know it was over, but it felt just so like, oh, like that. And I wanted to throw it.

I mean, I came everywhere. I'm not gonna lie, this is a miracle this podcast is even happening right now. I believe it, I can't believe I'm here. We are in the green room of Spokane Comedy Club.

And I hit up CJ yesterday before the show. I was like, hey, I'm doing a podcast? And I wasn't thinking that we were going to be rushed quite this much. So we're going to do a little bit of a mini episode today.

I'm going to get to know my pal and guest of the show. Please welcome CJ Landry. All right. Yes, thanks for having me.

Oh my god, I can't believe I'm here dude. I used to help if I can produce this thing. And now I'm sitting in the chair. Yep.

Really baby in the corner here. We're really pushed up against the hard wall. It was either this green wall or we had strong cast and couch vibes that were right over here where we would have been on this black leather couch just sitting next to each other. It looks like we're just in front of a green screen and something like cool is going to pop up.

Nothing ever does. Nothing ever does. Like no dinosaurs or anything. It does look like I don't know why it looks like you are a news reporter on the scene.

It really does. It looked like we're broadcasting some like Bayblades event or something. It is nerves. I feel like we look like did you ever see the movie Brink?

Yeah. I feel like we're narrators for the movie Brink. And Brink really is pushing himself to limit it. It's out of the five 40 spin over there.

Wow. Holy crap. 5050 grind there. If you don't know Brink, get it together.

Go check out Brink for real. Yeah. Yeah. You're working at BetterBox with our buddy Gage T.

Arena. Shout out to Gage who still continues to produce and edit this podcast here. We love him. And yeah, we had a lot of good times at that studio, dude.

So fun, man. It was like honestly one of the coolest phases of my life where I just felt like it was surreal. I was I moved there just on the whim to LA. Got a job in the studio and then like, Josh Wolf was there.

You were there. Tony Hinchcliffe would pop in. Donald Rowling would pop in. I was just like, I don't know.

Freddie Prince Jr. He was there. He was just like, unbelievable. Met McCully Culkin one time.

I was like, this is insane. I never thought this would happen. It's like a fun, weird scene. And I've talked about this to Gage a little bit.

But you have such culture shock when you grow up watching certain people and then all of a sudden you're working with them randomly. Right. How did I get here? Yeah.

And when McCully Culkin was a weird one, because I've never looked at an adult so long and been like, wow, I saw you a lot at like seven. Isn't that weird? It's like I knew you at seven. And now you're standing in front of me.

And you have like fuzzy pink bunny rabbit ears on. And it's like fingernails were like tattered with like rainbow nail polish. I'm like, man, this guy is a long way from home. I'm like from home alone.

Guys, he's a long way from home. Oh, man, we're back to you in the studio. We are covering McCully Culkin. There's a parade in downtown.

I love it, Texas right now. McCully Culkin Appreciate you today. Yeah, that is what's going on here. Yeah, dude, it's so weird.

One for me, of course, being from the Midwest was when I started doing occasional things with Paulie Shore, just whether it was a podcast or like some shows or whatever, through Sand Up. Dude, in the Midwest, that guy is still like a god there. So that was the first time that my family in Iowa was like, oh, Jeremiah's doing big things. He's doing something with Paulie.

Paulie Shore. I was like, you know, everybody has their own meter of success. It's over them. It's Paulie Shore.

Off the charts, Paulie Shore. Yeah. Yeah. So funny.

And then like you go back to LA and you're just like on a show with like all these big names now that if they go there, they're kind of like, who's this guy? Oh, he's on Netflix. And big deal. You know, like some scenes like, I don't know, some scenes, dude, you'd be surprised who's not big there, even though they're a huge name in LA now.

You know, it's it's so weird how everything has become so categorized scattered all over the country. Well, that's as weird as like you can have a million followers on TikTok and nobody knows who you are. And sure, you know what I mean? It's still that's a million people.

I know. And like you got to now as the face filters. You've seen these guys where they just have like the Snapchat face filters where it's like they have big eyes and a small little mouth and they're changing their voice. And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like that.

And they're making all these videos like, I just put the Starbucks and he doesn't look. It's like these like really big long rants. And now they're like selling out comedy clubs all over the country like this. Yeah, you've never seen these guys?

No. Oh my god. So I work with one of these guys, right? His name is, I don't know.

Anyway, so I don't know anything mean. Yeah, yeah. But he just worked. So he just sells out this club.

And he used the filter on stage at all. No. No, that would be amazing. I mean, people showing up and then they're like, OK, this is what I paid for.

This is really fresh. This guy is this guy. This guy who's been talking to me like, here's my name. But the blindest guy back.

And then they show up and like, hi, my name's Rick. And we're going to do an hour of comedy tonight. I hope you guys are into that. So I talked to the guy and he sold like seven grand a merch and over two nights.

What? Yeah. You know, Gator, Gator, Star Books. And I'm like a picture of Gator with a Starbucks cup.

And anyway, so then he's like a southern guy, right? So everybody that comes out pretty, you know, not intelligent. So and then I was like, I think you're going to say, hi, class people. It's pretty bad.

Talking to him after one lady walked up to her. She's like, who's better? Batman or Superman? Who's been talking about that during the show?

She's like, what? That's not what the show is about. Here's my problem with this ex-nighter kit. OK.

Now I got it on HBO Max. It's way longer than it originally intended to be a watch. And I didn't plan on setting this time. Then we go to this comedy show, this whole thing.

And I was like, wait, what are we talking about? I've seen this guy on the interwebs. And I'm just now curious if Batman is actually a superhero. Now, one thing I do like about your seat, I do like your hairstyle.

You have a nice little mow with this coming in to fruition. And I think that the Lord is with you. I'm that hairstyle right now. I think that is a beautiful look on you.

Wow. Thank you, Jeremiah. I like your beard, too. I wish I could grow it.

I'm very envious. We were talking about beard, just right before this. And you say that you are having trouble filling it in at different marks. So it just grows in cartesian style.

I got three muskets here. It just grows in mustache. And then it has Portos 8,000 Aramis. It has Neenia Pink to Saint-Damarilla.

It's all on the sideburns. And that's about it. Oh, yeah, it's real bad. I'm missing a lot of spots.

And it's happened all over my body, by the way. I'm really not growing in anywhere. But I just imagine it happens all over your body, like just above the base your penis is a mustache. And then the balls have a little goatee.

It's like literally everywhere. It's like on your pits and everywhere has a little goatee. It's like, dude, I don't know why I could grow in it this way. But I think it's a Louisiana thing.

I don't know what's wrong with my body, dude. Oh my god, that blares. Oh my god, yeah, I really have part-time hair everywhere all over my body. Yeah, your body's working full-time.

But like, do parts of your body are taking vacation and sick days and somebody that's not fully going in. But I don't know. But yeah, so this guy doesn't send right? He sells seven grand over two nights.

And I go, dude, that's crazy. I needed 45 minutes on stage. And I'm like, how long have you been doing this? He goes, oh, that was my 15th time on stage.

See, that's heartbreaking. Oh, yeah. I was just like, oh, what am I even doing now? Was it a good show?

I mean, here's the thing. His fans like this. People that come out and see him will love him, dude. And then it's like, you're watching these bits, and you're like, these are not bits.

These are not jokes. He's like referring even to videos. They're like funny musings kind of thing, or is it just internet stuff? Boises.

He's doing like stories. But they're like, I'm not describing my acting or not. He's doing this physical stuff. He's doing boises.

I'm like, oh, yeah, this guy sounds like a real horrible comedian. Yeah, so I'm looking forward to working with you this week. I think I got some stools. I mean, it's real.

It's like really low-grade, low-brow humor. I just not into that. Oh my god. But yeah, I mean, it was just interesting to see these guys that are just blowing up on this on internet stuff.

And I guess I'm curious how long it last. But I mean, I'm working the original way or the old-school way of just working around. And I don't know. I mean, it's not so much fame that I'm chasing, but it's just kind of getting better at what it is.

And I guess there's different ways to go in about it. It feels like whenever you're watching it, though, it's funny that they're doing it at comedy clubs. Like, it's almost like now, because there's so many influencers out there want to do live stuff. It's like there should be a different facility for that.

But it wouldn't work. It wouldn't work. Because it would be so sad. It would be like the club would be called Influencer Club, or something like the Party Club.

And I'd be like, yeah, I'm not going to buy a ticket. That makes me hate. It doesn't sound fun. Takes away all the time.

And at a comedy club, it's kind of notorious for it. The show's not good. You can get plastered and go out of the night. So if you're watching a YouTuber show and it just sucks, it's like, OK, I'm looking at some more long islands.

I think you're saying hell out. Yeah, it's weird. What was the first thing you'd say being a kid from Louisiana where you've done some cool stuff in Hollywood now? What was the first thing that you're like, oh, this is turning into something?

This is my first feeling of like, I'm excited to tell family that this thing happened. Man, I guess it's kind of sad. Kind of. But definitely the first time I was on Kill Tony was dope.

That sounds sad, dude. It is not. It's a little sad. Because I think there's different benchmarks for everything.

I think the comedy scene makes fun of it a lot. And then they're like, oh, it's such a joke almost. Like Open Mike scene where it's like, oh, you try to go on Kill Tony, cool guy. Like everybody gets on it.

Now, this is interesting for me to hear, obviously, because I was a part of it for a long time. When other open mikers are trying to get on Kill Tony, is there a little bit of people pointing fingers like you're a try hard kind of thing? Oh, yeah. Yeah, for sure.

Especially if it's weird. It's funny because so many people would go up there. And I think they would be like, it's people were kind of acting like big shots outside of it. And then they would go up there and not do good.

And then you're like, oh, well, you know what I mean? Maybe it's not that big of a shot. So I don't know. It's interesting.

And I feel like, too, I don't know. I feel like people put such a high. They get really delusional whenever they go in there. That's why I'm trying to not sound like, oh, it's the best thing that ever happened to me.

I guess it's kind of what I meant. But yeah, it just seems like people go up there and they think, oh, dude, I'm going to fucking be Rogan's next. Like, I'm going to be on, you know what I mean? I'm going to do the podcast circuit now.

I'm in. I don't know. It's like the illusion of just grandeur, I guess. I'm doing your mom's house on Tuesday.

And I think Bert's going to have me on soon. Yeah, yeah. It just kind of gets out of hand. So I guess people like get kind of weird about it.

But I get it. I mean, shit dude, you on YouTube, you get the most views of video you've ever been on, immediately. People are talking about you in the comments, the possibility of instant gratification. Yeah, it's just kind of there.

And it's like, I don't know. But it was cool for me because I guess I was already kind of working with you and working with Tony. So then I was like, wow, now I'm doing this. And then I didn't even go to the Comedy Store a lot either because I just felt like trying to get on Kill Tony was just so like, just always the time.

Because you just like wait around, trying to get on the ball. So I'll just get on the mics anyway. But then I saw Theo Vano's going on one time. And I was like, oh shit, that'd be cool.

Because I had dinner with him. I went around six months in the comedy. Bought me food, bought me drinks. We were just like, talked about whatever, comedy, life, whatever.

And so I was like, oh, it'd be cool to see him after. Be like, oh, what's up, man? And then I got called up that night, which was like intense. Actually, whenever I was trying to be a sperm donor, which was very funny because I ended up just talking about on stage because I was literally just coming from the place after.

You two have been freshly milked? Freshly milked and paid. There you go. Which is pretty dope.

It's such a weird process, man. Two things that you're going to get working with me this weekend. Freshly milked and paid after the show. Close the door.

Satisfied and compensated. Perfect. So you're going to chop it up with Theo. And I was right over there in the corner.

And that was a cool moment. You guys both being from Louisiana. Yeah, we had something talk about that. And then it was weird because the first night we met and talked, we were at a catfish restaurant in Addison, Texas, after he did Addison and Prout.

So it was so funny just like that moment. But yeah, man, it's weird how like how small comedy is. So like definitely that. But then like, I'd say the second biggest one moment for me was Nicole Gogne.

That really fucked me up. Because he was like the biggest star where I'm like, Jesus, dude. I'm like, I guess like what? Looking at something.

I guess it was so immediate. I never really looked at pictures of him as an older guy. Just to see him as a kid in my brain. And it seems like a 40-year-old man.

You're just like, wow, that's like a big jump. Yeah, he went from being the most baby face clean-shaven guy to kind of looking a little rough, like facial hair and the whole thing. Life happened to him. And it was crazy, dude.

I loved that scene. Honestly, dude, delivering weed for me was like a big thing. I thought that was just like crazy to me. As soon as I moved, I was delivering weed for speed weed.

And it was just like, what did your parents think of that? They were like, wow, is it legal? Because they didn't understand like that's legal. They jumped into a gang immediately upon moving out.

Yeah, OK. I mean, my mom was like, I got this great job, OK? You're just a drug dealer. It's not a business.

You're just dealing drugs. No, mom, just hear me out. It's like this. Just be doing this.

They just organized cartel. Not a cartel. They called a cartel. That's not really a cartel.

It's legit. They sponsored a podcast. I'm like, so I'm like, it was kind of crazy, too, because he had to go through all these wild. I mean, during, I remember probably a two-week stretch of me delivering weed, I was delivering weed during the wildfires.

I mean, there was just like, wow, they're really burning a lot of trees here. They're smoking the weed. They're burning the trees. And I was like, on the interstate, like driving.

And I'm looking over just flames. They're coming off the side of the interstate, and we're in traffic. It's like, why are people ordering weed right now? This is, I'm like, I guess this is a cope.

But everything that's going on. It was so crazy to me. And I mean, people really, I mean, that's kind of what shocked me, too, because speed weed was with the studios. Everybody that worked in the studio was pretty much high the whole time.

I mean, the manager was just blowing dabs in his office. I'm like, dude, this is awesome, man. I can't look at what you're like. It's just what we're working in LA.

It's like, because I could get used to this. This is where magic happens. And yeah, it just felt so weird because I just moved from Texas where literally, if you could call it the vape pen, it's a felony. You go to jail jail.

Oh my goodness. So it was just so weird to live in two totally different worlds and then be delivering weed. I remember one time I delivered a weed to a guy. He knocked on his door.

There's moments where you knock on a door, and the door's already open. So then just swing open. He's like, oh, come in. And I walk in.

And this guy's in a wheelchair. And he's totally, I don't know if he was like ALS, whatever. But he had, I was bringing two grand worth of weed, edibles. Everything wax, flour.

And it's just like, guys, guys getting fucked up. I'm kind of jealous, but not jealous. This guy's fucked up all day. I love it.

And there was so many people like that, dude. We deliver. It was older people. I just get fucking stoned.

With it now, do they tip you on deliveries like that? I see, tip me. I know that people do tip you on delivery. I was surprised by like, because whenever the pandemic happens, to you close down, I try to stick it out.

I was like, oh, I'm going to, I'm just going to Uber and deliver Postmates and try to pay rent and just get through. I was like, it only lasted two months, right? And then just never ended. So then I was like, Ubering my ass off during the protest.

I was Ubering during the protest and everything. I was Ubering people to the protest, which is crazy. That's an interesting. So where you guys headed?

They were like, burn the country down. I was like, oh shit. They were like loading their sides up in the back of my car and everything. So I'd appreciate if I started raiding.

And I was like, yeah. I am bringing you to the revolution after all. It was so weird. And then I remember one time.

It was so funny. This really happened. There was girls in the back. They're like, this country's terrible.

This country's the fucking burn. And then we're driving. I'm like, oh, this is crazy. I'm driving them to who knows what?

I don't know what I'm dropping them off to. I mean, that was always an interesting part. I don't know if I'm dropping them off to a fire, to a riot, guns going off. I don't know where I'm going right now.

And because I'm not even from there, dude, I'm just like, all right, let's go. You're following the GPS exactly. You have no idea if you're going to the pits of hell. You just drive off a cliff.

You're like, well, OK, we've arrived in hell. One time I was driving just like the National Guard right there. They're like, OK, all right. Maybe here I drop you off.

I don't know. Hey, hey, get down. What? Uber drop offs are over the hair.

And so at one point she goes, we keep driving. And she goes, I haven't even launched yet. She'll be like Uber eats while we're there. When you were delivering weed, did anybody ever invite you in to smoke with them or anything like that?

Yes, one guy did. And it was late, late delivering. It was almost close. I'm like, I got to go back.

I'm going to close. But I'll take a couple of that. Sure. And it was funny because this guy was like old.

He was like a biker guy. Some guys, some places I went into were so sketchy, dude. This guy had guns in the back. I remember.

And he was shirtless. He had leather pants on. Look like he just got off the bike. It was such a trip, man.

That was such a trip working there. That's bizarre. Is that the weirdest job you ever had? Was out of sperm donning.

I would say. I would say, I don't even know if I could. Did you ever get close? Did they ever tell you?

Tell me my own. What's sperm donation? Did they ever tell you if you end up matching your sperm with a lady? This is what happened.

So I go through the process. The process is pretty, it takes a while. I signed up through Craigslist. And I didn't know if it was official or not, but I told my parents it was.

But I just nodded on my nose just laughing. But I was just imagining a little girl being like, Mommy, where did dad come from? Well, there used to be this website years ago. And literally anybody could apply.

Literally anybody. And your mom was tired of really maintaining relationships with men. And I wanted to just seal the deal and bring you into this world immediately. So I hopped in this website called Craigslist.

And the ref could keep going. But get back to your story. I'm never doing it. And then she's like, he can be found on a podcast.

No, but it's pretty crazy. But so they don't tell the kid anything. They can't, I guess the mom can, but they don't release the information to the child until they're 18. Which that really was a red flag for me.

Because I'm like, can we tell them before they can buy a gun? Like, can we tell them to when they're six so that they can get over it by the time they're 18? They're not stewing on it by the entire time. Where's dad?

Where's dad? Like, Mom, why won't you just introduce me? And then like she reveals 18th birthday. Your father's your donor.

You know, that's fine. All right. Hello. How goes it?

Good. What's up, man? Doing a little potty-waddy right now. Potty-waddy, potty-waddy.

A little podcast. That's okay. Are you featuring this weekend? No, I'm a bouncer.

You're the bouncer. Hop in. No, I'm going to bounce. Hop in.

No, I'm going to bounce here. They can put a... What's your name? My name's Doug.

Doug, it's great to meet you and have you on Jeremiah Wonders. Thank you so much for... What are you wondering about? We were just talking about CJ being a sperm donor over here.

Oh, I've done that a couple of times. Yeah. Wow. You'll be careful, guys.

Did you go to any matches? Match is, what do you mean? The user sperm. What any woman do you think?

Oh, no, I got two kids and two baby mamas. That's all I meant. Oh, you were donating sperm to your wife? Oh, yeah.

Okay. This guy weird. This is possibly the best drop I've ever had on a contest. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you. Your words to us here. Thanks, man. Oh, okay.

Perfect. I appreciate it. I'm so happy to have you. I'm stoked to be here.

This guy's great. We're new best friends. He's a rock. I suck.

I tried to play it off cute with the whole potty wadi thing. He's like, dude, what is that? He's like, dude, I don't know. I don't know what you're talking about.

Okay, so finish your... Yes. Finish, please. I finished.

Guys, we're back. Round canceling on the Brink tournament right now. Okay. I'm so much rock.

Oh my goodness. I think the kids call that a power slide. No, but I... So yeah, it was a tough process.

Like it took a while to go through, but so I had to get my prostate checked. I was one of the things I had to do. I had to get my... He was an agent doctor.

My God, small hands. But then I had to go... Is that hurt? Dude.

Well, it was crazy. The young guy, that's not a normal thing to get checked. No, because fuck up about it. I didn't even tell me.

They go, oh, you're going to get a physical today. I was like, great. Awesome. And then like, literally he goes, turn over.

Like mid-physical. You got to turn over. And then I'm like, oh, I don't think he goes, no, that's part of it. I'm like, oh man, all right.

You're like, can I see the paperwork? Why didn't they warn me? And so he goes, all right, it's going to feel weird at first. And then it's going to hurt.

And I go, all right, a little bit. And so he sticks it in. I'm like, okay, not bad at all. And then he goes, all right, I'm going to have to go a little deeper.

And I'm like, oh no. And I... And dude, whenever he went deeper, I felt this pain in my stomach where I literally felt like he was touching my stomach. And I'm like, oh, and then it was over.

But it felt just so like, like that. And I wanted to... And then they gave me money right after that. And they gave me money right after that.

Yeah. They're like, is this how I donate? He's like, how you donate today? I know you don't.

You know, so then I had to go see a therapist. They maybe go see a therapist. And so, um, Which was, I like the thing they prescribed you to a therapist, like you have a blanket with you, like, after the prostate check. Like, it's like they weren't going to do it before.

But like, since you had such a violent reaction to the prostate or you have the 3C down the way and... I think you got you. Yeah. So it was weird.

over and over and over again. And like what was weird was like, the whole time she was treating him like it was a job interview, right? So like the first question she asked me straight up was, so what made you want to become a sperm donor? And I just, I was like, I just like paused for a second.

I'm like, I need money. I need rent. I need electricity. I need to pay my cable bill.

Like I was like everything. And I was like, I straight up told her, I thought that's why everyone did this. And she kept asking me like, what do your parents think? What happens whenever the kid calls, maybe your future wife, what happens whenever the kid calls you?

What happens when the kids calls your grandma? So it was your response to, yeah. Well, like after the fifth, sixth question, I was like, look, if as long as the kid's not trying to kill me or get money from me, I don't care if he calls me. And, and honestly, I see you crying.

I think that ink pad, and then a stamp and it just says bread approved. I remember the white bears like, I go down to the hall, jerk off a little bed and the file, you're good. So this is what happened. So I already did like a few tests, jerks, right?

And gave them my samples and everything. And I already like, you did all that. Watch the porn, jerked off, did the test, the urine, the blood. Do you remember the type of porn you watched?

Yeah. So I tried to do the CD because I was like, I'm going to go old school. Like they have, they probably supply all these. It's just like, welcome to your first jerk off, Sesh.

I'm Jessica. Oh, Dina, I'm filming something. Do you want to come in too? I sure do.

Let's get this guy to come. Oh my god. So wait, so, so I was so funny too, because I opened up the book and it was like a disc book, which I haven't seen in forever. Like I was one of those CD cases, you know, from like the 90s.

And I opened it up. How did my 741 CD get up? Fat lip. And then I, but it was so funny because a lot of them, dude, like they didn't put them back in the sleeves.

So there was just like discs, like, just like I was flipping and they were just like falling out everywhere. And like some of them were like stuck together. And I remember one of them, one of them had like, one of them was guys. I was like, wow, I just stuck each other off on the desk.

And I was like, Jesus Christ. I popped one in and then I couldn't fast forward. So like the remote wasn't working. And I'm like, this is the purpose?

Like what am I doing? I have a phone and his infinite amount of fucking tits and whatever. And I was like, yeah, I was turning this off. I mean, this is dumb.

So funny. And so, and the room was terrible. It was like this dressing room. And it was like this like just sad looking chair.

It was like just rod chair. It wasn't comfortable at all. And they had like a little sink and I was like, jar maks and stuff. No lotion or anything, which I thought was weird, but.

They really want you to go old school. They want to keep a professional. Yeah. So it's just a scroll with like ancient photos scribed into it and then like, well, how old do you want to go back?

Is that Egyptian boobs? What is that? What is that? What does she have the head of a dog?

It's like, why am I a rocker? What's happening? So it was just so funny to me. Because like, so I went through all the process, dude.

Like the last day, dude, I signed like my life away. I just remember signing paper. Not even reading it. They're signing on these pages.

They're asking for my baby pictures and all this shit. I'm just looking at the folder. I'm like, man, this is fucked up. Like I'm doing this for money.

Right now, because I'm struggling. I'm like, do I really want to do this? And I remember like, I'm giving you the key file to the building. Like so we're in there like, yeah, it's like how many time?

And like literally schedule ahead, please. And so I did that and I'm like, okay, I can go tomorrow. They're like, I'm tomorrow if you want. And so I wake up the next day and I get an email saying that they denied me.

So I was like, why would they give me a five? And these five, you know, like these five like key five to the building. Like $150. That's crazy.

These little fobs are like $150, 200 bucks. I remember working at a hotel and that's how much they were. And it was like these little blue fobs and they're not just giving these out. I knew that and then I'm like, hang on, they wouldn't give me a fob, sign me away if it was like something wrong with my health.

There's something wrong with my like sperm itself. And the thing is like the therapy thing was the day before the last signing. So it's like, dude, I think the therapist was just like, yeah, this guy either just wasn't ready, wasn't sound minded or in a piece of shit or an open mic or whatever. And I was just like, get this guy out of here.

And so. They're okay with everything else you're saying about like, yeah, I mean, if I, you know, hear from them and they're not asking me for money or whatever, then they're not trying to kill me, that's fine. And they're like, Oh, what are you doing down time? Well, I do open mics and they're like, you're not welcome here anymore.

Yeah, it's a problem. We don't want that spreading around our country. Too late. Yeah.

So did they ever tell you? Never tell you. They don't tell you. And I was like, this is when I got mad because I'm like, well, you guys did a lot of medical tests on me.

I was like, what are you doing with that? You got to give me the results. I was like, at least because like I also what fucked me up about it was that I gave them sperm already. So I don't know what they're going to do with that sperm.

So I signed all these papers and then there's like, yeah, no more. We've never seen mutant sperm like this. This must be tested. And so I think like, who knows?

They could be a fucking scan. They could be like using my sperm. Yeah, through Craigslist. That's weird, man.

And so, but they did a place. Yeah, they did not get $800 just for trying. It was like those like two months of me just trying. I got $800 because it was like $300 from a prostate check.

Like it was all like the therapist thing was like, 250. I mean, you're saying $800 like it's a large amount of money when it's your life juice. You're like, dude, I got $800. I think I walked away in the bigger man.

I feel like, dude, they literally could be studying your genetics right now and different traits and something like that. But I got them on Swear the Rats. So who really wanted this situation? I'm like, that's a deal.

That's pretty solid. I mean, that's a lot of weed deliveries. How many postmates that is? I mean, that's how you measure everything in your life.

Just deliveries. We've time to do a very quick sax talk. And this program. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. So one time I was at my girlfriend at the Times house and her dad was boiling some crawfish. And I was pretty deep in, dude. I was like, elbow deep in the crawfish because I can eat some crawfish.

So I was getting all lather up in the hands and everything. And it was a pretty saucy time. I was looking at the girl catching eyes with her. Her dad was there, which was kind of weird.

But she obviously was, we were younger in high school, so we were kind of horny as hell. And I don't know if crawfish is considered an aphrodisiac, but it definitely was that tonight. And so I'm biting on these tails. I want to get in her tail.

It's the whole thing. And so I'm sucking the head. She wants to suck my head. It's just that's getting real hot and heavy.

Spicy as hell. Crawfish is a really sexual experience. I mean, you're sucking the head, the hot juice is hitting you back in the throat. And you're just like, yeah, this is hot.

So we get done eating the crawfish, right? And so I'm ready to kind of get at it with this girl. We go in her room. She starts taking off her clothes.

I'm taking off my clothes. Get really hot. We start touching each other, right? And I start foreplay, which is very important.

Kids look it up. It's very important to the sexual experience. So I start fingering her and it's getting intense. I notice her face is starting to wince a little.