Whoa! You guys! You guys! I wish that I could like, a career and push it out of my vagina.
Creepy, ooh, power dynamic. Oh, gross guy. Ooh, I'm gonna leave you cheater on me. We're all powers combined.
I will find the perfect man on a train. Yeah. We're so close. I know, right?
Everyone probably watching your videos thinks that you're like next to the person. It's pretty far away, actually. It's incredibly far. I've never talked to someone like if I saw you on the street.
Hey, I'd walk to you. I'm sure. I started doing it this way because of all the pandemic stuff. So like, ease people.
Just ease people, because I... Do you mind if I scoot? Like, can we just spend? Can we just, can we just, can we just, can we just, can we just, always?
Do you mind if I just scoot a little closer? Just a scoot, just a second. Oh, you keep on this chair. That's all the old set of was when you did it at my little department.
I did like that. Yeah, right on top. With your scat. We were stacked.
That's how it is on late night. So for me... So that's pretty much all I'm used to because that's all I do is late night. So do you think that late night, if it's a woman, they scoot that chair a little closer?
I think they always do. I think they always do. There's, I think they position things a little bit differently whenever it's a male, female dynamic. Always.
Yeah, like when I was a female host, I feel... I think when is that happening, Esther? There, you know, there's, there's not, no. I don't think that women can host late night.
Like I just... Like you don't think? I don't think it can be done. I think it's a man's job.
Hot topic right here. I think that only men can truly host it. I don't. I think that only men can truly host a late night show.
I think that women just are not capable of that. Really? It's just not within the female... What do you, what do you feel that?
I have, I have strobing opinions about that. I have strobing opinions about that. It's hard. Esther, I have a strong opinion about that and I don't, I don't think they were agreeing on this.
The things that late night hosts do is not a feminine female rub a twat whatsoever. Asking questions, sitting there. That's only a man's job playing those games. I mean, you are about to, I don't know.
I was hoping this wouldn't happen. Every once in a while, she gets woken up on the show and I think you just walk up, I think you just walk up feminist Stacy. Oh no! I hope she's not one of those feminists with gross hair who doesn't do her nails who thinks that she can host a late night show.
I hope she's not good. She's not wearing purple is she? Oh God, I hate that color on women. I'm sorry so you don't think that women can host late night television?
Absolutely not. Give me one reason they could. I mean, it's hard. Women don't even understand how hard that hosting a late night show is.
Keeping track of all that money? What about Roseanne? She did it. I'm not going to have a look at her now.
What do you mean, look at her now? She's a beautiful blossoming woman. Can I brush your hair? Do you mind?
What do you mean, can you brush my hair? It's so bad. It's making me cringe. How bad it is.
Oh, what? Because it's not in the conventions and in the boxes of what a man wants it to be. Then it's a little bit ratty. It's a little bit out of place.
Oh, I'm sorry that I don't confine to the spaces that men want me to be in. Your hair is making me cringe in a way that I'm getting arthritis. There's a tingle in my hand. Well, I'm about to get some arthritis.
I just got arthritis in my middle finger. Just brush it out. Oh, I'm sorry that I don't own a shower like you do that you came freshly co-opted ready for this podcast. I don't want to be mean, but I'm having such a hard time looking at you with that hair.
What do you mean you're having a hard time looking at it? It's painting me. And your boobs, there's nothing there. Because I tape them down because I'm a press and men don't deserve this 80s.
So you're telling me that your hair is as disgusting as it is just to repel the male gaze? Yes, let's just say that the drapes match the cartons and the carpets and the mahogany. And you're telling me that you don't get a full on Brazilian wax. No, if anything, that is just a way to push the woman down and make her feel smaller and worse about herself and just put on this fake pedestal for a man just to project themselves.
Oh, look at me. Now, in this perfect specimen for a man. Well, guess what? That's not natural and it's disgusting and not right.
What about if a guy comes up to you at a coffee shop and wants your number? I'm a gift to him. Oh, oopsies. You might drop it by.
What's the best pick up line that you've ever used? Or that has been used on you? That's been used on me? Oh, that's a good question.
It was probably this one guy came up to me and said, I would like for you to buy me pizza and I was like, wow, the balls on this man. I loved it. So you want to pay for a guy? I'm an equal opportunist, okay?
I don't want men to be paying for me all the time. I'm just some object that just needs to be fed like some little pet shit too. So you don't like it when guys open doors for you? It depends.
You know what I do? What? I stand by the door and I go, and then I wait for a guy. I'd be like, do you need help, ma'am?
And I'm like, thank you so much, sir. My fingers don't work. I can't open it because I'm not strong enough. Girl, I am seething with anger right now.
You need to get a hold of yourself and you need to stand up for yourself. You need to kick that door open with both feet and say, I am woman. Hear me roar. I don't need no knight in shining armor because guess what?
The day is here and I am woman. Hear me roar. I had a friend who when guys came up to her to talk, she would immediately go, no. No.
So let's practice. Hey, you're really pretty. Do you live around here? No, rape.
Was that good? Was that what you're thinking? I can't look at you with that hair. What do you mean you can't look at me?
I can barely look at you. Am I allowed to style you? I mean, what do you want to do? I want to brush.
I don't want to brush. I want to brush it so bad. I don't own a brush. You know when a hot guy sees a pair of tits and he just wants to touch him.
I just want to fix your hair so bad. It's sanity. It's Esther Steinberg, is it? Esther Steinberg?
There's a third name. Esther Steinberg. Garden shorts. Okay.
Esther Steinberg. Garden shorts. Do you see how I took his last name? Does that piss you off too?
He should have stuck in here. I love him. He's really pissing me off if I ever see Noah. The garden shorts around these parts.
I'm going right for his jugular and his balls. Oh my God. Your hair is terrible. What if I like do you any idea?
I don't know if it's irritating it would be if I was just you are part of the problem with women by you downgrading me and disrespecting me and saying that I am not enough. Women should hoist each other up. Feminists should raise each other's up and make them feel good about themselves. No matter what creep, no matter what they look like, no matter what sexuality, no matter what gender, no matter what race.
Why would I do that when there's only limited opportunities for women? It's musical chairs. There's one chair and 20 women running around. Why would I help someone?
It's ridiculous. I would never. I could never help a girl out. That would be a lot for me.
Let me give you a scenario. Okay Esther. Here's the thing. Okay.
Good God. My helicopter is coming. I got to get out of here soon. It's getting louder and louder.
So is the woman speaking you up a lot? She's getting real heated in here. Okay. So here's a little situation.
You see a woman on the side of the road. Her car is broken down. All right. She needs a tire that needs replacing.
A. Do you stop? B. Do you call a man?
C. Do you do the tire with her like an able body woman to show her that women can do anything or did you sit or throw? I drive by. I don't know.
That's a man's job to stop and help out. I can't handle you. Just like you can't handle my hair. Oh, I can't handle it.
You know what? I have to go. There's sometimes you can't look. I'm doing this with your fingers.
With my fingers. Gosh it out. I feel like there's like a city of there's an entire community inside of your hair that's hiding and there's like a rat or it looks like it's called an ecosystem ever heard of it. Yes, I support the rainforest.
Yes, it's human in here. Yes, my hair doesn't fall flat. Yes, does this resemble my pubic hairs? Yes.
You're so close to being haulsy. And yet you've chosen to not brush or not haulsy, but like a pink, like a good pink-haired. You have so much potential. That's the problem with you.
You know what? And you have so much potential to be a real woman, but you're not. You're not giving yourself the credit. You want to cut other bitches off at any opportunity.
And it's a real issue that I have with you. And you know what? Feminists Stacy out. Oh my God.
What a nightmare. What a cunt. I'm really not like that. I actually think that no woman owes anyone a conversation.
That's the real misconception that when guys are like, Okay, so do you think you can just be like, I want to talk to you? That happened in Vegas. I was with my friends and this horrible, horrible person who was so drunk that he had like beer coming out of his eyeballs. And he literally came up to my group of friends and we were celebrating my bachelor party and we were about to see Magic Mike and he just starts talking to my friends.
And I look over and my friends are humoring him in a conversation. And I looked at them like, what the fuck are they doing? And I just said to him, I was like, none of us want to talk to you. None of us.
None of us. And I'm like, we don't want anything you have. We don't want to talk to you. And I said it in the kindest way.
I was like, you have to leave us alone because we all don't want to speak to you. And afterwards my friends were so impressed with me, which it shouldn't be hard. It shouldn't be hard to not to be on. I'm all about honesty.
The last time I was here, we came up with a line that's on you. That's on you. And it ended up in my special. Did it really?
So that's on you. Dream. Do a lot of things you do here end up on your special. Sometimes what you do here does it end up there?
Here it's up there. Sometimes what happens in here goes out there. Sometimes what's in here goes out there. You shoot it out that way.
By the way, I overheard the argument that you and feminist Stacy had. I don't even want to talk about it. Okay. She was rude.
She embossed her hair. And I actually think she has potential to be a late night host. She actually changed my mind. I wish she would have told her she'd change her mind.
Yeah. If only she could have heard that. Do you think that anyone has the ability to change anyone else's mind? I think it's rare.
Do you feel like everyone's fighting with each other and there's absolutely no chance for change? Let me tell you something about the vaccine. Here. Okay.
I think it's a good stance. I think that the only way to change someone's mind is if the thought of a higher power gets involved. It's the only way that somebody's mind can truly change. Do you know what I mean?
Because you see these people who live a certain life and then they, I've known these people who are born again or do you know what I mean? Or they get saved or something like that? I've seen people do 180s with their points of view where I'm like, really? That's the only time I've seen it where I've seen people change like complete opinions, political standards.
And then I'm like, two people are arguing and one person, like me and Stacey are arguing and then I'm like, actually, we could have a female-led on the other side. I'm like, oh, no, no, no, but if we go to Thanksgiving, then we can't come back here. Okay. No, you're right now.
My wife will call me on and stuff sometimes. You have to sit around there. You know what? You're right.
Do you have a white flag? I mean, what about me? And you're like, I'm so sorry. Can you at least think about my perspective?
Oh, shit. Oh, fuck. Wait, the female perspective? Wait, you exist?
That's strange. I have a father like that. Wait. So you have ovaries, right?
Okay. Okay. So you might be slightly more emotional to me right now because you just gave birth to the son. Oh, okay.
Right. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I can see your point.
No, no, we literally had like, we never argued, but we had a little thing this morning over like a bull in the sink and then I'm just like, it's because we're dropping our son off a daycare. That's what it's really about. And I had to pause. I'm like, I'm sorry.
Well, maybe this bull doesn't want to be alone all day with strangers. No, no, no, the bull is fine. The bull is safe. The bull is safe.
The bull is safe. Just sitting there in the sink. The bull is safe. Really Jeremiah.
Listen, I was just going to let it sit for a little while. Okay. And then what? Oh, I was going to put it away later.
The bull has a rash from a diaper that you didn't change. Why would the bull ever rash from a diaper? You don't understand, bull. I don't understand.
You don't understand me. I just put cereal in it. I'm sorry. You don't care about my bull.
I love you. I love your bull. It's not about the bull. It's not about the bull.
How is this bull causing us? There's problems. I know. I literally had to step outside and I was like, Oh, freaking idiot.
It's not so much more than this bull right now. Jeremiah, like cut her some slacks. She just gave birth to this baby. Just it's been a minute.
Jesus. It's been four months. We can't lose the weight already. Come on.
What are you doing? Four months. Your boobs are pouring milk. Can't use the wind.
It's called snapping back. Come on. Like a rubber band. We need you to get back in a baby.
What if you use four months as if it's a long period? It's been four months. I mean, my wife, he's been four months. I don't know what's going on.
I mean, the kids four months. Let him be. He just rolled over for the first time. I mean, come on.
He's back in the morning. He's in college already. Come on. It's been four months.
Give me that pussy back. Come on. It should be back to normal. You know what I'm talking about?
It's been four months. It's been four months. How much longer? Listen, the fellas are the dock.
You guys hear me. Come on. I mean, you all have had wives before. No, you never had serious relationships?
We'll compare it to the one they stay, do you bet? That's just saying that tits were so big milk was pouring out. Come on. You got that bad.
You got that bad. You got that bad. You got it bad. Otherwise, they just keep swelling up and it's like, oh, come on.
You got those punching bags. What is it? The wet t-shirt can't get over your bitch. You can't get them out all day.
I'll save some for me, son. Yeah, so that was just a. You know breastfeeding is such a journey. It is such a journey This does it make you want to wear the fake boobs and put a bottle in it Have you tried to see if you're some would latch onto your own nipple?
No has no no we've tried it He tried to latch on your nose. Oh, he's timing. Come on. Yeah right away He thinks I'm a little like huge dinosaur that I'm like feeding him and I'm like You know he's gotta reach for the nose.
He does it. Yeah, of course. He's got to it's like an instant honk Okay, I'm waiting for my son to just rip it off and break it. He's so close He's so close to deviating my step down He just keeps going for it goes for it And then he and then when I change his diaper he like kicks because I have a really big child and you also have a big child You are five months away from wrestling an alligator.
Yeah, it's cute now, but he is going to He's going to punch and kick and wrestle you because he has he doesn't understand you feel stronger like you've gotten From it I've got that crazy mom strength though I could lift a car apparently if my son is under a car and is in danger I could lift it according to everybody science everybody. I don't know that you can We should do it. Where's your kid. Let's put your kid under a car real quick.
Let's test it No, no, no, there's all your camera equipment under a car. Let's test it. I mean, that's pretty solid Let's put everything on a card and put it all in my standup all of my files on it I Lift up as clay meanwhile meanwhile I tried it. I tried it with my son underneath the guards like that scene You're just running in a pool, but your memory files are under the car That scene in hook when Robin Williams can't reach his kids.
I'm sorry He doesn't go to the teddy. It's not hard. Just reach a little This is so sad if you say Robin Williams like it just kind of kills the mood with sadness. What do you mean?
Oh? Don't cry. Have you seen the video of him with Coco? Don't cry the gorilla.
No, I haven't The gorilla who knows sign language Him and Coco were like hanging out together and she like held up like I don't know Tootsie or something like saying like this is my favorite movie and like bonded and it was just it was gorgeous So it was like the water works or the hormones the hormonal do you feel like you get hormonal like by just being around like Do you have a sympathetic period and things like that? I don't think so, but I think that I have different moments of This will sound silly, but you don't post part of them. Absolutely. Yeah, I've heard of it But obviously it's fake go on right.
I don't think that guys get it like women do but I think that there's something that's like I don't know how to it's a different kind of like swings of like lows and highs that I can't really explain because I've never really Gone through something like that's it. I always say it's just the roller coaster. You're up here. You're down there You're up here.
You're down there. It's just what the fuck and I think it's more just trying to figure out because Like having a child was amazing. I think we'll both agree and a real bitch and a real pain in the ass There's different layers to it obviously, but anything worthwhile I always say because people ask me They're like is it good? I'm like anything worthwhile takes effort anything and I feel that way a thousand percent about having a kid But sometimes you feel like I think that the highs and lows come of like you second guess just like like every like like anything else Just like you're going up first chunk of doing it you fucking suck right or or some days You're kind of good and then you bomb you're like, but I'm four months into comedy Why I should be better.
I know you're what so if you're like a newborn comedian You're like four months in you all of them have this confidence like I'm good I made someone laugh yesterday Well, I think the difference between experience community and the beginner is that not that the beginner sucks all the time But that it's very inconsistent and you don't necessarily have the skillset to be to like navigate rocky waters Yeah, it's like if it's a killer crowd you're gonna kill with your like cheesy hack jokes I wrote yesterday that you thought we're original or whatever the beginners and then okay fine 10 years in they're going to school You got it you have some gigs. You've got jokes. You've been working out that they're walking they're talking and doing it But like that beginning the beginning of Santa the beginning of anything it sucks like learning to play piano that first week probably really rough It is it is it really is it breaks your brain it breaks your brain, but these kids grow up so fast He's walking my kids walking yeah, I saw him walking and I'm like well that's That made me feel old watching your kid walk. Yeah, by the way.
I was like oh my goodness Now we're trying for the next one. Yeah. Yeah, you're you're suiting up We are trying for the next one and trying sex summer the first trying I don't know if you guys tried how long did you I don't know this is a very personal question But did you guys try for a while or was it try for a little bit try for a lot of it? We did it on our first try.
Yeah, we did on our first try yeah I can't swim boys can swim you got great semen more More than she's got that perfect those perfect eggs. Oh shout out to my boy. No a garnish horse out of these streets slinging that jizz You know who it is. Yeah, what I bet your boy Jeremiah Watkins.
Yeah. Yeah, we come from So now well the first one was a little bit of an accident because we did it the two nights before our wedding and we were like Since beginning married we should get drunk and we should have sex and you shouldn't pull out and then apparently it worked And I was shocked and our whole honeymoon was completely ruined because I was like what's that smell and then every person in Italy was like Would you like wine? And I'm like I am I'm and they're like which wine and I'm like no why no one in Italy accepts No as an answer and I was like I can't have any wine like we must I'm glad and I was like I can't have I we're not drinking That's French and we have no no no no no no no more and I was like I can't have any why and so before I even told any of my family members I had to tell every single waiter in Italy that I was pregnant and then they still push the line They're like little bit little bit little bit little bit congratulations celebrate with someone is your honeymoon. He's a honeymoon And then they just like insisted and I was like, you know what fuck it I feel like a whole thing drunk in here.
Such a first child, you're like, I don't want to ruin this. But now that he's perfect, I'm just like, can I do a grind? Now you can do one. You can really screw around with this next kid.
Well, yeah, we were doing a little run to the letter. We've been trying. But trying just means that me and my husband are smashing. I don't see nothing wrong.
With a little trying try. When a little bubble grind, with a little bubble grind. He's reading how to do it. I'm like, put a baby in me.
I'm surprised that not all pornography is like, oh, get me pregnant. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my new kink.
It's yeah. That's my new fetish. Well, get me pregnant. And I put on, I'll put on music.
When you have purpose, like outside of just like getting off for the sex, it's like, it's a next level thing. It's almost eye opening that all those times that you didn't have sex for this purpose, you were like, what was this for? Oh, that was just for me to get off, huh? Interesting.
So you're constantly just tricking your body to make a baby. Yeah, isn't that weird? So literally your semen's not just like fun play dough. It's like your semen is on a such a mission.
It's on a mission every time. Every time in the day. Yeah. That's got to be one of the most frustrating parts of the body.
Like every, like, and they die. And every month your body's like, repping up the woman's body is like, OK, girly is this today. We are literally fucking going to get pregnant. Let's build up those walls.
Let's get that fallopian tube ready. OK, he's coming. He's coming. Oh, no.
He didn't come. Girls, we're going on a march. Are you ready? We're protesting today.
We're rallying in the field. The guys are all in a race. Like, and they're all like racing racing racing down the bedsheets. Or hopefully, if you're trying.
She's number 42 riding in the corner. Yeah. Exactly. And then the women are like, when I'm a Chinese, your girl, Stacy, step up to the plate.
And it's like, mmm, me. And they're like, you're not good enough. And then it's like, finally, next month. So I feel like the women are like, one at a time.
I mean, ovaries are the first users of Tinder. You know what I mean? They've been swiping on that comb. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.
Those eggs are super picky. They're very picky. It's your wife's. And she was like, fucking, finally.
Right. We meet. Yeah, yeah. My fucking years, Jeremiah, it's perm.
My wife probably talked with you about how she wanted a baby before we had a baby. I don't know. Was she just gapping about it? I never wanted a baby.
I wanted a career. I wanted a career so bad. And I was like, well, guess I'll just have a baby. Since I wish that I could like, fuck a career and push it out of my vagina.
A lot of girls think that talent is actually transmitted. Like, if I fuck the right guy, and I'm like, you're just going to have a baby. It literally is always baby and never spots. You're right.
Right. Oh my god. It's coming. No spots.
Oh my god, stage time. Come on. Come on. Stage time.
Come on. My nipple. Stage time does want the nipple. Always.
I wish. Ugh. Sleeping away to the top, if that worked. You can sleep your way to a baby, though.
That you can do. But you have triangles. I think anybody gets it. Yeah, everybody gets it their way to a baby.
Trimed sex is a renaissance. It's a sexual renaissance. It's hot and steamy. Yup.
I recommend it. I'm surprised that not more people have babies. Just for the trimes, just for the trimes. Just for the healthy.
Oh, oh, pay a baby at me. Put a baby at my pussy. But how many women are out there actually doing that, but who are on the pill and not telling their boyfriend about it? They're doing that secret kinkling.
They're just what if they're doing it and then they didn't tell their boyfriend was on the pill, but they're like, I want you to get me back. I'm going to get you to the month. And then every month she's like, oh my god, Justin. I got my period.
So your sperm doesn't work. And she's just like putting it. She's like, really thinking you need to go to a reproductive doctor. And every month this guy's like trying even harder.
Yeah, she's like, yeah. And she's like, yeah. Yeah. She's like, it didn't work again.
I didn't want to say this, but it might be you. I think that you are sperm and stiffish. You're a little swimmers. I'm not doing the work.
And really, I think that if you stop smoking weed, we could like really improve. Right. Could you come back on the surge in the mountain? Do please be really appreciated.
People don't know this, but it's just as much as a man's diet. Yes, it is. Yes. The weed thing is a real thing.
The weed thing is a real thing. Which means if you're a huge pothead, you can totally just come all over the place. Don't worry. You're never getting anyone.
Shout out to the stoners out there who freaking blow their seed. Anywhere, anytime, any day they freaking want because guess what, Lars, this room count and guess what? Marijuana is the new contraceptive. It's better than hot tub sex.
It's better than condoms. It's better than the pullout method. You smoke weed and you won't get a girl pregnant. Truth.
Truth. It's also better when you're in teenager, I think. I think that everyone's got their reproduction. When you're a teen to actually reproduce.
Like 19, 20 has got to be the optimal time. Well, it is. But it's not like your life. Society is like, you should have stability.
But it's like your body's just like. Your body is definitely ready between 18 to 24. That's like prime, like your body's not. Everyone's society is like, no, wait until it's hard.
Wait until your body is on the outside. That's the thing though. Wait until your eggs are absolutely dying inside your body. We would like your body to be crumbly.
Wait until you have to spend $100,000 on IVF. Do not do it when you're young. Do it when you're way too. You want your body to have no chance of coming back.
We want that. Okay? That is a message. It's not the message.
Free to eggs so that it's technically naturally impossible. But scientifically, there's a slim chance. Right. Make sure that when you have a baby by the time you have a baby, that there's a strong chance.
You won't have another one. Make sure that your body is so exhausted and washed up that if you even, if you even got to the birth part, there's no way you're going to want to live. There's no way you're going to want to take a single step. You're not going to want to do that again.
Just keep that in mind. I mean, if you had a baby at like 18 though, the problem with that though. What's the problem? What could be the problem?
Since we're living longer now, our brains aren't fully developed to one. You know, what they turn into and you start making choices that you might, you might not have chosen that partner, the one. I mean, some high school sweethearts that works out. They stay with them for life.
But a lot of people go through phases with what they like and stuff like that. You got to sit through those trash dicks. A lot of trash dicks out there. You got to sit through that trash.
Pain. We've all had off it. Yeah, trash dicks. We have a whole head on here.
You have to get something out of your system. Yeah. Fertility. What did you get out of your system around that time?
I just, I just pile up as much trauma as possible for my forever partner to have to deal with. He's brilliant. He's just collecting bad experiences. That creepy, power dynamic, gross guy.
Ooh, mentally cheated on me. With all powers combined, I will find the perfect man of a dream. I think that I had, yeah, now I can actually appreciate, you know, I get to, but I'm so lucky because I friends that are still on the hunt for a man and I'm like, they're all terrible. Esther, what do you mean, some, most of our friends?
Or on the hunt for their person? Yeah, because it's hard as a comic to find your person. It's really difficult. I always tell you it's so much easier as a guy because if there's a woman, go into a comedy show, she's like this, ready?
That's my boyfriend. He's so funny. And then if you, she can't find her strong because she's too drunk. That's my boyfriend.
That's my email. She's so funny. That's my man. It's that guy.
And then the opposite is a guy named Chad in the audience being like, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's my chick. She's really funny. Like, I don't think that a guy in the world has enough confidence to chug a beer and point to his wife on stage and be like, whoa, whoa.
I think. Jokes about my dick. Jeremiah wonders, he's brought to you by Upstart. You dread looking at your credit card statement every month?
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This is Steinberg. You can see me on tour. These following dates right here. Love you guys.
Let's get back into this episode of Germaya Wonders. My pal, Esther Steinberg. I think it takes a very, I think it takes more of a comfortable and confident man to have to be okay with marrying or dating a standup comedian who's female. I think it takes way more confidence as a man than it would a female.
I've got to make for non-comics. And they were like this. So it's like being a comedian. How did you get started?
Like where did you find the open mic? Like when did you finally get funny? How did you know that you were funny? How did you start writing jokes?
How did you learn how to write jokes? So you think you're funny? You told me you're a joke. What jokes do you want to make fun of me?
You either get a guy who wishes that he was a comedian who's interrogating me about my comedy who's obviously going to start trying to do comedy or I should just take it a comedian. Yeah. I think it's an ego thing. I think it's harder for men to swallow the idea that their counterpart might be funnier than them.
Did you ever take a comedian? No. I mean I fucked her face but... Sure, I smacked my dick around a few funny brads.
Yeah, but that was just a rimshot. That was just a rimshot. Shut up. That was just a shit that would fuck up.
No. But I mean, my wife is very funny though. I find my wife very funny. We met doing improv.
She doesn't... For me, it's the perfect thing because she doesn't do improv. I never had to go watch her team do improv. She uses improv to teach kids.
You know what I mean? So that's like to help with their... What if when she decides to do stand up or you're going to be okay with it? No, I literally was like...
When we were dating I was like, you're not going to like... You don't want to... That's your preenup? Yeah, I was like, you don't want to like do improv and so she...
No, I'm taking up for the classes and the experience. You had a preenup that you had to sign that was like, oh, I wish. I will not do stand up. I'm not signing a preenup.
I'm not signing a preenup. I'm not signing a preenup. I'm not going to do stand up. I'm not signing a preenup.
Oh yeah, not a preenup. Oh yeah, not a preenup. Yeah, no bro. Fucking stand up as hell.
Why would I? But she makes me laugh a lot and she will... And she makes my friends laugh a lot. Like our interactions and stuff when we're around like groups of friends and stuff.
Like she gets huge laughs and I love it because I'm just like, oh yeah, she's... Yeah, you're the waffle. You're like... Well, she's really getting like socially like...
Yeah, she's doing all these acts. Yeah, she's doing all these acts. She's doing all these acts. Yeah, she's like...
And I'm just like, share mine. You have nothing to say. I'll be like... What'd she say?