JW Ep 216 - Michael Blaustein

What if all of a sudden we just switched it? Switch what? What are you yelling, man? Because I'm not...

the mic's not plugged in on my side. You don't know how technology works, dude. No, it's not plugged in. You don't have the...

I'm literally right here. Yeah, but for it to pick up... That's not real. You have to hear me louder.

That's not real. Okay. You don't know how acoustics work. I don't even know.

What's an... You don't know how electrics work. What's an acoustic? What do you mean what's an acoustic?

That's what I mean. What is an acoustic? Yeah. What's an acoustic?

Yeah. Oh. Better? Hand times better.

Good. I plugged in the wrong thing. Oh. That's what...

You know what I mean. Sorry. We'll keep some of this. I'm having a great time.

I'm having a good time too. I'm having a good time so far. All it takes is one cable bit. Nah.

All it takes is just one cable out of line. I'm just like, you know what I'm saying? Who's that scare you that like that cable essentially you're set up is essentially like your body. And if one thing happens in your body that fucks up, the whole thing is to shit.

Yeah. That is not scared of how do you... I pulled my hamstring. And then everything's gone.

You're done. Done. Huh. One thing.

Achilles. Oh. Bye. Ever met a somebody?

Ever met a somebody? I had never met a somebody. I met a somebody. Ever met a somebody?

Ever snapped a somebody's Achilles? Okay. I know battle players throughout Achilles. Brad Pitt.

Hot. Dude. What? Huh?

Huh? Get in there. I would have that tent. They woke him up and he was like, she's girl.

I remember pitching a tent. I always looked at him. Hello. Hello.

Good. Bye. See you later. Hi.

I remember those girls. I was like, I was right now to be one of the girls. He's the hair. No.

Not legitimately. What do I think it smells like? Avocado oil. Peanut butter and chocolate.

Oh, God. What's your favorite peanut butter? Crunchy or screaming? Yeah.

It's kind of a mood ring for me. Shut up. Hey, you shut up. You shut up.

You shut your mouth right now. What can I be? Why can I be choosy? Why can't I be choosy with my butter?

It's not choosy. What do you mean I'm not choosy? You have to be on one camper the other? Yes, it's like trying to choose your blood type.

You can't do that. You're either one or the other. Boom. I'm not like, oh, I'm old positive about money and choos.

I'm not gonna. I'd like to get my blood, everyone. I'm not gonna. Because I have AIDS.

I'm not gonna. Right. Yeah, well, we all have some sort of it. Yeah.

If you catch my AIDS. I'd catch your AIDS dude. Would you? Would you like with my AIDS?

I would. I wish I had to play catch with me. I wish I had to play catch with my age. I wish I had to play catch with my age.

I wish I had to play catch with my age. I think this is a marker of a good friend. If you'd walk up to your friend and say, would you play catch with my age? Would you catch my age?

With me? And they're like, yeah, I got you. I got you then you know you're in good company either still recently You know how you can tell the person good friend if you were Mormon You know I'm Orleans They're like going to bed and they're not technically a lot of sex right so they have a friend underneath the this year on the bed with your girl And you and then they have your friend underneath the bed and they use their legs to kick the bed So you sort of use their leg there friction yes to gyrate that's a friend that's a friend I want now if that's not a wingman I don't know what is I mean flap flap wingman flap flap sap sap love it straight out that tree trunk P-shirt merge Let's do it. Saps app straight out the tree trunk merchant merch.

What happened to flappy birds floppy birds never flappy Birds I don't at all you remember flappy birds don't yell at me. I don't remember Listen you said before we started the podcast that you were upset with me how far away we were I don't like it you don't like how far away we were we're so Dude if we went into life and we had a conversation this far We get kicked out of fucking home depot so fast then put on your freaking headphones if you want to feel closer to me you bitch I don't like that I felt it at the moment and I went for it and I'm pretty proud of my choice to be honest It makes me know for sure that you don't normally say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you said like a Yeah, no, no, that's real that's a real moment. Okay. Okay.

I like it a lot. Why you keep moving the buttons listen man Yes, sir. Listen. I think both of you are both of you and I both of you.

Yeah Double right now what crossing eyes. Yeah, it's a funny thing. I don't cross the streams. Have you done that with like a brother or dad?

Oh, maybe dad. Okay, okay. You said with your dad I think that wouldn't play with your aids, but he would do strings with you. I think so okay.

Yeah I think I've crossed streams with like a brother and a toilet a cousin a cousin. Yeah cousin brother. Yeah. Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, all right.

Yeah, listen you and I are both very present people. I'm present right now Oh, no, I know and I appreciate how present you are. Yeah, don't look at the meat of Justin the noms though That's a technical thing that only I need to worry about but it's like it's like you're a DJ It's like you're moving the noms and everyone's like I want to drop and that's why I feel I'm gonna need you to put on those headphones now For this next thing we're about to do we're doing a thing. Yeah, you're doing this.

I'm a great time. You know it's your show go ahead. Oh Really? Yeah, I want to change it really Michael wonders.

Mmm. Here we go They're on I hate headphones. I can't hear myself. Okay.

Well, you're not supposed to yet. Well, but now I feel bad Don't freakin worry about the technical stuff. All right. All right.

Oh Can you hear anything? I feel so yeah, that's it. That's up. It's a little bit like operation.

It is No, oh, hey, it's a bit loud. Okay. I'll turn you down a little bit. Thank you so much.

All right, you better I think you did up better. Oh better keep better keep right there right there right there right there. Just look at that Just step it up and then and and and more You hear something over yeah, it sounds good. Okay, you're talking about DJs and stuff, right?

Oh, what's your voice change? What'd you know? I feel your voice was normal and then you change it kind of like in a weird. No, you said DJs right now your words are all strong together I can't sign my man's that you you don't have a DJ's act you know it's weird.

I can understand you and you're if you wrote your sentence It just be one you understand that I'm not saying it yeah, I understand exactly Yeah The rapper pig farmer No, bitch move bitch Sing along for kids The word of the day is kids cows and moves Like milk here now yes, you got a little box yourself well, and I'm not talking about the thing between your legs. I got it I don't forgot to tell you I got it with JJ. Wait, wait, you forgot to tell me you got a better I can't believe I don't forgot to tell you okay, okay, okay, if you can break off me a piece of head Oh, you I can't be a little quarter cup. Okay.

You want a quarter cup of JJ. I wanted a few ounces Oh, I only got a quarter cup daddy. Okay, hold up Box hit the bones on the box. I'm talking to that mic hello.

Hello. You're gonna be talking into that mic I got a special set up over here don't worry about my technology over here I'm stuck a little bit stuck a little bit This is so fun Is it weird I'm a little turned on This is so fun I'd love to see a guy Take some like a congressman's daughter Away and then call him with that voice and then the congressman actually falls in love with a dude on the phone That's what I want to see okay, we can actually do that okay The mess really got me the mess really really got me oh man just with the show is yeah We just go just go oh Grind now some people here switch back that my foot Now some people okay some people just take like a duck to water on this show I don't know what that means to be honest it means you're a duck clack Why this is water and this is mighty ducks and we just became a team who would you be on the mighty ducks? That's a good question. I don't want to be the knucklebuck guy Keenan that was Keenan.

Yeah, it's Keenan, bro. Whoa dude Keenan's been around for around minute I mean mighty ducks was in like 1937. Oh, yeah First motion pictures of fun Disney it was shot with a printing press. Yeah Whoa, I would like I think what I would like to think of myself as one of the bash brothers.

Oh, I can see that I might be more of a cholley whoa Player Could he do the knucklebuck he figured it out no no that was just Keenan but no one figured out then it was okay But there was a team Iceland I think learned how to catch the knucklebuck. Yes, dude those were full of hot guys I had to say because they were probably 14, but you know what I'm saying. I don't know if you look back at the footage you're like These guys are overly developed I'm sitting tonight. It's my night.

He's like I drove here. You drove here. You can't you can't can not drive here No, I paid in cash for your car. Yeah, where'd you get the money from drugs?

Okay? That makes sense I'm using steroids on the mighty one hundred percent you are dude the bash brothers come on At least one of them. It was like irritable and angry who would get the penalties in the box all the time Dude, I think we just discovered yeah, their anger comes from what do they call PTSD's PPD a put PT PDA PDS PGA PGA TBS PGA yeah PGA TBS very funny. It is are they though so aggressive to say that yeah?

Wait if you don't like headphones you can take them off when we're not using that much. Thank you I'm looking out for you, dude. I want you feel freaking comfortable. Why why are headphones not like some people love them?

I'm fine Whoa whoa? What's happening don't worry about good time good how many times do I need to say that as many as you feel it I feel it all the time. Okay. Okay.

Focus word focus your focus. I just like to say that Yeah, I like to get back to TBS were very funny and move that mic out of the way. I mean this is just up Just move it up perfect good. Yeah, it's great.

This is like this is a fun, but a lot a lot a lot of moving parts here Yeah, there is I'm impressed you keep it all together good. There's two mics. There's four mics. There's a lot of mics There's five mics.

I'm a mic guys. That's my time Did you just light himself with a sofa? What just happened? Well guys, that's my time.

Oh, that's the light. Okay, I see it. Yeah, okay I'm gonna get enough stage early is so funny to me. Oh, dude It's I'm like always when I'm thinking in the back.

I'm like just do your time. Just eat it Just I you're already eating it eat the rest of the sandwich and when somebody gets lit they go cool. Goodbye. Oh, I said another minute So you gotta you got a couple more.

I don't know when you told about a lot about you round the bases, huh? How much is each another dick for one minute? We'd all like to see it Maybe not the audience but the comics in the back we all want to see it. Do you like why do that dude?

I think it makes me so uncomfortable. I can't watch it. You can't watch other comics mom Ah, no, even as my friends a lot of comments. Oh, I can't watch other people But I can watch my friends.

I can't watch it makes me it makes my skin crawl because I know exactly What's their feeling right? Um and I've only done twice see I have a I have a sick thing where I know exactly how they're feeling And that's why it's funny to me. Whoa, yeah So if I see a close friend bombing I mean because I've heard them laugh at me in the back when I'm right They see me going through my bag of tricks to try to get out of the bomb and then those aren't working and I'm still doubling down Committing to whatever I'm doing. They're like, how bad is that when you go?

Okay? Okay guys? Yeah, but how about this and they go still? No, yeah, you're like still no yeah, and then you're but what about this?

Yes, you know, like no We hate you as a person. Yeah, we don't yeah, you might have the jokes might be written decently But you as the person delivering them we don't like that. Yeah, the part that they come out of your face is the part that we don't like Yeah, I think you go then then what are we doing now? How often would you say when was the last time that happened you on the road where you're doing like an hour set?

And you're like oh this crowd is not jiving with me Um, I think like the last time that happened was it was where was it wasn't the whole set buddy with you thirsty Are you thirsty? Oh, it's a lot of water. What do you mean? This is how I drink just give yourself a ice bucket challenge I Just so much water All right, mr.

Guantanamo here we go I know that's like a word I think I was in Nashville and I would say the first like 20 was cool And then there was like 15 to maybe 20 minutes. We're always like what happened. Oh, yeah, where did I where did we go wrong? I was looking to see if they're doing checks like that's how I was like what like guys do you ever I've done this before where I'm like I'm not you know I'm only getting a certain amount of laughs like it's not that packing here and then you look in the back and there's a bunch of people Oh, I'm not doing it There's more people in here than what I originally anticipated and it also and also someone will go after you yeah And then they you do your set you go.

Okay, that's just where they're at in the room Okay, 80% where they at and then someone goes behind you and just gets about 150 and you go well guess I just stop comedy Right, right, right. I'm done. I think right frickin heck darn it right. Yeah, it happens to the best of us It does it really does where they should sucks seriously It's a hard profession that we decided to be in because it's weird because like sometimes like you'll go in states Right, right and then you like do like so good and the audience is like oh my god like whoa Are you on are you on zenga you must be you must be either you what's your socials?

Yeah, I want to follow it I need it I need it. I need it whatever was tonight. I need more of a million I need to see it consistently like when I'm in my bed next to my boyfriend I need to show him what I encountered tonight exactly so and then and then The next night you do it again. Uh-huh and everyone in the crowd.

That's what's also hilarious 300 people collectively are like no No, uh-huh How do you have 300 people agree on anything listen you couldn't agree on what your favorite peanut butter was if you can get Group mine going on a show doesn't matter if it's good or bad you're talented person Hey, man, hey, dude, I'm just saying man. I think you know people do agree on something That's a talent regardless of if it's positive or negative There's part of me that thinks you're joking this partner's like maybe I mean some of us are better This is what we think I mean you all the time bomb. Yeah, that's a talent to skill That's a skill. I think you'll make careers off just eating cock.

I mean not really in comedy. All right. We're getting somewhere Okay, perfect good, but eating you know eating Hey, you think cocks are like come on dude. Uh-huh Like what about yeah, hey curves.

Excuse me veins. I like it. Okay. Whoa, huh?

Pubes. Yeah, manscape dot com promo code Jeremiah wonders Promo coach Jeremiah. Is it? Look at that.

I don't know if their sponsor is For the ones in the past that they were promo coach Jeremiah is it funny you can always just say another brand that was did last episode even if they're not doing this episode They can still help you out. Yeah, I think it's always drop all your promicals for everything Oh, people would love it. Yeah, people have edge dude. They love ads.

Here's a thing huh in this day and age you can pay to get no ads Just everything no ads YouTube premium and stuff like that. It's everything. It's really wild that people are like I don't do ads anymore That's what we're at society. You go.

I don't do ads anymore. I saw the new spider-man movie. I'm not even kidding. Yes, they put 10 no 10 no trailers before spider-man 10 10 legitimately 10 it was not a nine-nine was 10 almost half an hour no trailers before I saw spider-man No, yep, and people legal people like people must have been like bro.

We felt a little abused. Yeah I get that because some of the movies were good trailers. You're not good at that. No, you're not gonna get 10 out of 10 good trailers How in the hell that's also a funny thing how the hell do you have an entire two and a half hour movie and you can't put together a trailer?

That's good. That means it is it's not a goodness. Yeah, it's pretty rough. You can't find a minute and a half listen Hey, we put minute long clips on Instagram all the time.

We just saying we know how to cut together a little something out of an hour Yo, you send me you send me the movie. Mm-hmm. I beat it. I got it.

I got it. I got it. I said the bro that shit Okay big shots of the box Okay, we'll be right after her back with this ads What's that? Do you have a mini stroke you put words in front of words that weren't even supposed to be a thing We'll be right as best as that ads.

Hey, you come out in juice in that as but back of the thing I'll be back Hello, it is I goshkov top breakdancer in all of Russia and Jeremiah wonders is brought to you by Breakshot pool break shot pool is the only pool game on the app store specifically designed to be played between real-life friends It's a fun and perky turn-based game and is completely non-intrusive No annoying ads or forced in-app purchases with break shot pool You can play pool with your friends without needing to be online at the same time when your friend plans users get the notification Is your turn and play whenever you feel like it the game is free and in-app purchases are completely optional even if you're not a game Or even a huge pool fan check it out Just see how fun it is break shot pool is available for iOS and Android and iOS and Android can even play against each other So you can play with your friends no matter what bone they have Play the cool, huh? Whether they are poor person with Android or stuck up person with iPhone break shot pool has options for you Jeremiah wonders listeners who download the game in the next week will get a variety of in-game goodies for free to make your experience even better So go to the Apple or Android app stores and search for break shot pool. That's break shot one word B-R-E-A-K as H-O-T and cool as in P-O-O-L So one more time is break shot pool break shot one word pool link also in the description So go ahead and download the game and play invite your friends and show off your virtual pool skills The developers are massive fans who pulled cast this one and we'd love to get some Jeremiah wonders listeners who connect with this cute game on their phones As Jeremiah wonders listeners you're getting free goodies the whole thing is free So give it thrice babies today and for those of you who can see the video This is what the game looks like in the store check it out and give it now available in iOS and Android link also in the description break shot pool Very important to catch breath between our reads are you ready babies? Let's do this you ready children are you right the adults?

These ones for fans over the age of 21 I want to tell you about fully loaded shoe alright the holiday season is long gone and with the new year Kicking off a lot of our viewers are either still smoking cigarettes or hitting tapes pins now Nicotine is an addictive chemical and so we're not suggesting this to any new users But if you're currently smoking vaping or using any other thing you've got to try Fully loaded shoe here's why lifelong deep overs are switching to fully loaded shoe is the only shoe with tobacco free nicotine The back of free nicotine means less bad caca in your mouth fully loaded model is save a bit Which was same motto as my ex girlfriend And you've got the full line of flavors to win their green mint bourbon peach and be sure to try to reformulate the classic Labor is the closest to Copenhagen tobacco free Fully loaded shoe comes at different nicotine levels full stream and same nicotine as any other shoe And if you're looking to cut back on your nicotine or win yourself off of nicotine They have half-streamed in full flavor to with no nicotine at all So once more if you're a dipper you have to try fully welded shoe The team of gas and fully loaded work hard to put it together kill a promotional offer for you If you go to fully loaded to calm and use promo code GAS 1 you are going to be the team I'll fully loaded or drive for just a door and free shipping on any purchase you make once more that's fully loaded to Calm and promo code GAS 1 for a free tin and free shipping check it out then say a bit with fully loaded Now, let's get back into this very very silly goose episode that Jeremiah wondered with Michael blast I With me I be man you take off the ass and put him on a whoo-hoo. That's my whoo button Whoa-hoo button here. Yeah, okay, press yours You're just broken a little bit It's a layer of this together to lay on it Are you doing the whole thing? Oh Oh Mine got a little bit out of control when I went Whoa, I just want to whoa-hoo and then it started queuing the 90s spider-man radioactive spider-man theme And then like it was all this I think it's a foot fetish wrap that says something about a dad wearing under what I don't see There were some things that came out in that like shaving dairiers and stuff yep and dads walking into the room It felt like it was a bit of a confession kind of rap.

It was a journal It was like Usher's confession song but like way darker. What is it though? Have you heard ushers confession? It's as soon as he says confessions.

I lose what he says. Hmm. These are my confessions When they're missing a money money money. What is that?

I'm so upset if you add a Mac and fish I Make in your penis Blue Jew calm calm promo go Jeremiah I don't make that dick beefy boy. Oh, baby like for strumming If we talk you find me we might as well bring Rose beef into this Oh Sweet horse radish. Yeah, we talking that army I Know like I was greeted at RVs. Uh-huh like that.

I think a lot more people would go there. All right, so I'm rolling up, okay Hey, what's up? Welcome to our B Wow, are you guys still doing the five for five fifty five deal? Five four fifty five deal $55 sometimes Five four fifty five I knew right when you walked in that you felt my vibe I saw you strapping in with the sexy sense Lord, I knew I loved you from the job stop Oh 55 we can go in the back and I give you some Wait, are you saying that?

The five for fifty five dollars is I get five sandwiches, but also sex Angie and you whatever you want. I am our base did you remember that we wait for it We have the meets the meets Why do I feel like okay, there's an employee that's tied up behind are you a prostitute? That's right. He is on the ground tied up with chip and wire his dad is that five or fifty five?

He didn't have the meets I'm just gonna take the five for five fifty five. I don't need the five for fifty five. Oh, yeah People people people people people all right. I'm just gonna take this now.

Yeah, definitely just you just kind of hold up the line Yeah, I'll go. Okay. Thanks. Are you sure you don't want the five five or fifty five?

Wow and we're back in it just like that Wow just like that. We're back. I'm gonna be honest with you right now Hmm, let's go on to quite a few podcasts and I don't know if you hear this consistently, but It's the best one ever done. I'm having so I think this is like this is like I don't know Hey, listen, this is literally like David Buster's if I was on like Molly.

I will freak you Oh, I always fell over all right, okay Yeah, listen, listen, listen. What I mean some podcast they get to know you better This one, but not this one man. We don't do that here. No, you're not gonna leave being like wow I know all the levels of both of them by the end of a podcast, you know that we do it's like Yeah, I like this guy, but I know nothing about him That's what I want people to feel and they leave this podcast.

Here's the thing sometimes that's for the better listen I'm sure you have an origin story Hey, I was born in shut up. No one cares. That's not a real place. Yeah, dude That sounds like a freaking busted water fountain.

It is Name that yeah, yeah silver spring Marilyn. So we're you from don't care. Do you my wonders? That's what I say?

We don't care about the show we don't care, but Michael is a very funny standard up a comedian. Well that wasn't a word You stand here to stand up stand here. Oh, hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi. Nice to meet you. Hi.

I'm Michael I do stand ups listen. He's a fun follow on Instagram and that's a free plug. Thank you at Blau comedy There you go. Yeah, yeah, and if you like to come to my shows he's fun.

I will see you listen listen. Hey guys What's up listen? I'm talking to the viewers and the listeners. Uh-huh every time I see this man I get happy because we freaking peanut butter and riff you know what I mean?

Oh, yeah every time Oh, right immediately. Yeah to the point where other people get uncomfy around us. Yeah, because we go I think we go a hair too long before us. That's the beginning right the moment everyone goes too long We go this is the star.

This is just this is where the juice is getting in there. Yeah, is it worth a squeeze? Yeah That was so good. Thank you All full it sounded like I duct tape around that was velcro on What's this sound?

Oh, this is a good game. I know I just invented it. I'm very happy Yeah, I'm really excited to do this. Okay, okay, okay, okay one more.

Okay, okay one more by the way What's that sound? Oh, you're a hush, Jimmy Fallon. I'm an alcoholic Too much, maybe he doesn't like his job. There's no way he likes his job unless you're trying to get on Jimmy Fallon man It's great.

Wait, wait, man. Oh, this is good. Hey, man. It's really Yeah, yeah, yeah I've never been on the show before it.

I'm I'm just it's a big honor. I think it's it. What? Okay, okay, um, you guys you don't know that I'm doing good I just I'm waiting for you give me my prompt so I can go into the story that we talked about um we miss all them probably It's a thing that you like kind of laugh at everything.

Are you okay? Are you okay? Like it's like Like being mutilated underneath the table What the hell is it called roll the bad guys in DC get together squid games Scott shock squad Just confused suicide squad with squid game. I mean I mean if that's not white privilege.

I don't know what okay That's you know what you're totally right. Yeah, I'm sick of it. I'm I'm up to here with it. Yeah.

I am Don't be alarmed. What's what's whoa? Why are you what's happening? Why'd you just get up?

I got I got paranoid because I'm having so much fun that I didn't hit record Oh, that would be funny. It would have been funny, but for all the wrong reasons. Yeah, I would have fun it for five minutes I would have left and you go out on the podcast This is one angle of me laughing like an insane person On my end is just a picture of me. I gotta I gotta do one of the podcast where I'm just like dying laughing and there's a voice off screen Yeah, it's just like really awkward.

It's like oh either. This is purposeful or there's not a grave mistake Or you can just start laughing off camera like it's just on you and it cuts to here and there's no one here Oh, that's that's like insane. Yeah crazy. Yeah, yeah, you're ever scared you're gonna go crazy um Go crazy.

Oh What if you're already what if you've already arrived on that flight? I what if you're already there anyway, just sitting in first class and you're already so much on there that there's offering you peanuts. Yeah Hey, how are you good? So do you want to beverage perhaps?

Mm-hmm. Okay, we have a ginger ale. Yes, sir. I do I'll take I don't know Do you want to sponge it sound like you kind of want to get up a sponge.

Yeah, okay? Yeah, we um with a side of Side of angry ants. Mm-hmm. So you want to sponge with a side of angry ants.

Yeah. Well here in first I'm going to put on an Oscar and then your bane He's always where to mask listen. There's one person that's not an anti-masker. That's bane.

Here's a funny thing that joke would murder That joke would murder, but it's awful. It is awful, but it would murder especially if you impression give it to me Yes, I'm next come to say Jeremiah You know that knows recently that people are like all over the place of politics and stuff like that's like a whose promask is anti-masker You know this clearly not an anti-masker bane. I need to survive I'm telling you it would murder kind of for the wrong reasons But also if they knew that that wasn't you're like I like it You like it because you know that I know correct what you're wanting me to do correct by the way Almost skipped the what's that sound game? I want to get back into it.

We surely did it with it, but we're gonna get back Okay, okay, and welcome back to watch that sound with your host Jimmy Tiddle wings. Hi. I'm Jimmy Tiddle wings And now we're gonna commence the what's that sound? That our first contestant Jeremiah who gives a fuck that's not his name.

I just made it up. Here we go. Hi, my name's Daryl Wilker from Cares. All right.

All right. Here's the first sound. Are you ready? All right?

No Sink cool cuck cuck peep peep Is it a team machine judges? You got it a team machine congrats. Okay, what's Do I just win the whole series with the first question? That's it.

I thought you're gonna like it was gonna be a board of like You're Jimmy Fallon now. Oh, thanks. That's crazy All right, let's get serious next one Could I have it in a sentence Yep, I walked in the grocery store and this woman turned around and said you can't bring that in here Roman Empire Oh That's it 30 30 more guesses I don't like this show. I don't know I'm tired of gas thing after six I want to go home I just feel like an idiot.

I tried guess six times and it's not right I'm from Vermont and I got coaxed to come here They said it was a condominium deal that I would get if I do the game show. Yeah, I'm in okay. Um, Bitcoin You can't bring that you can't bring that whoa. Oh Pooping dog in here.

Yeah, great job, dude. Like great job. Great job. You want one more?

Can I give you one? You can't I was this and alien leaving his wife that was him Being going up in a tracker beam All right, all right Huh Of course ET never found on again I'm right here Here it's like I have someone else cuz you're sick. Yeah, you don't you have COVID I need to be right here I mean finger me at ET hey dude. Here's the thing.

Okay. It's not gay if you illuminated while it's happening Hey now Merry Christmas hello. Listen if you've been in over you look like a sexy lightning book with a finger inside you and they ain't gay That's just called Christmas where I'm from, baby We celebrate I'm gonna forget now there's nine candles be Let's just say the last one's now very ceremonial don't smell it hello That last one's not a loud church blow it out Oh Where are we we're an avoid ah that's why I like having the black background because it's like where we're all now I get it It's like a yeah, it's like a weird mental void. That's the idea behind it if you want to really deconstruct the reasoning about it I just also what some people say is holding the show back so Some people say I would benefit with an actual set.

Okay, and I like the black void I think those people are stupid. You know those same people that told Joe Rogan on his show should be shorter Yeah, are there same people that feel like your set should have some pizzazz and let me tell you something this show is full of not Pizzazz so why would you add pizzazz? It's just a misnomer. I don't even know the word means but I feel like it went right there No, it was in the right ballpark a misnomer.

Mm-hmm a misnomer sounds like a baseball term. It does strike three. He missed no more Please help me and that's a oh he's out of there. He's out of steam Michael is a good friend.

Yes, I've known him for a long time. Yes It's just a little bit about him because he didn't get to know much about him That's okay, but he did comedy in New York for years. He's in LA now I am he tours all the time. I do very funny.

Thank you and you get it. I hope you guys have been enjoying this episode I think I have a couple things left and then it's done. Okay, well I'm pretty sad. Okay.

All right I didn't mean to make you sad buddy. I'm just sad it's gonna be over soon. Okay, I'm gonna ask you a couple questions on this next second called fanning out Getting out of questions from fans. Dre like the doctor.

Is it pronounced? But they just wrote your name twice. Is it pronounced blaustine or blaustine? That's one of the questions These are hard-headed questions.

Yeah, this is I mean that's very political. I don't want to relieve like All right. I mean do I have to answer this you have to answer this wow. Um, I mean, this is completely misnomer.

So It's not okay. It's okay. Go on. Yeah, um, this is just a funny comment that I'm gonna read to you because I want your response more than anything on this Because it sounds like this person Is in the wrong somehow.

Okay. Um, they said di.manic. I remember watching literally every episode of his podcast since the start and supporting him Then he blocked me on instagram for replying to a story. Don't dude No, this sounds so insane.

Yeah that the reply on the story my guess was not something nice. No, no No, I think he was maybe talking a lot of shit for no reason. I'm a positive guy I try to I try to you know, give off positivity And if there's like some comments that are like your face looks like an alligator pussy. I'm just like well well well well Well, that's not how I feel that's absolutely not how I feel.

Yeah, well or or it's exactly how I feel He saw me for why really I'm and I need to block him so I blocked it on my own resurfacing into your psyche correct So di.manic. There you go. You may have said something that was offensive that you didn't realize how offensive it was to Michael Yeah, I don't think it was like hey man funny stuff. Yeah, I don't Dude, I really love your comedy and I can't wait to support you for a block chain here you go here.

We are my house is made of cinder Block RT kettles gay girl Don't pay attention to that shit bitch. Let's go. Okay. Hello Oh, burn my son Jeremiah ask him what led him to do the how to French kiss videos on how cast Money they offer me 40 million dollars.

Did you really yeah? 40 million dollars and they pay me all in bitcoin so I'm worth like 6.7 billion dollars right now How much metaverse property do you own I'm like 30 percent of it? Okay. Yeah, I want to check filet and 14 houses get out Hi, I'm ready to show bring it back.

Hold on when hold on. This is a suggestion. Hold on. Huh?

Hold on. Huh? Hold on Hold on Oh Looking all up looking all damn feeling all good going downtown. Oh, oh He's sucking on big Like Michael vix Okay, um here we go.

This one comes from uh, oh, they want to do a scene. Okay, they want us to do a scene Oh, also Nick underscore rich just says tell them start the only fan spin off only feet to really end up an idea Um, I'm gonna do it. All right. This is from wolf status Ricardo Vargas.

Okay, Vargas long handled But I like it Vargas when you both found out when you two were related at bathroom stalls That's the scene. I'm sorry. Okay Do you know your dad? Yeah What's your dad's name?

What's his last name? Sebastian What's your mom's name? Eileen Oh, my mom's name is Carol, but we have the same dad. Oh my god I knew when I looked over I saw it and I was like wow, it's very similar to mine It was like our penis was we're looking in a mirror and it was like I've never seen such a similar penis before you the same birthmark that I do Yeah, I called the blueberry sack.

Yeah, yeah I looked over and I was like wow if I was a sketch artist I would draw the set like if our dicks did a crime we would go in the lineup at the same time and in the person that was Same confused they wouldn't know they would not tell apart. They would be racially profiling our penis. Yeah, this is Do you want a kiss? I don't what are you saying?

What did you say before I said that? I just found out that you might be my brother and the first thing you want to do is kiss No, you propose that no, dude. We've already just we've already seen each other's penises Like I think that's enough for the first day No, yeah, no. Yeah, all right fine I've known you for 17 seconds man and like you're you're Is this our first fight?

Yeah, huh interesting. Yeah, no it is interesting Yeah, now I know why my dad left your mom. I know why my mom left your art. Yeah, take our dad.

Uh-huh. Yeah, whatever. Okay. Can we kiss now?

Okay. Yeah We kissed the same it tasted like a brother But like in a good way like a cool way like Mario Brothers Do-do-do-do-do-do-do? Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do do-do don't know Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do All right, well um should we exchange numbers or anything? Or should we just go about our lives?

My first impulse is to exchange numbers, but I think it's more fun to just kind of just go about our lives. And if we Is as a brother I think . I would like to think so. Okay, is that okay?

Same time next year? Oh my God. Yeah with me to right in the Target, you're right in this RV parking lot. We're in the urinal Alright.

We've got three hours left and then um them are done with uh great podcast. I love it I think we're going to do now. We've had a good hoot and some hollers. Yeah.

We're going to close out with a segment that I call. It's a listener favorite and a viewer favorite. Okay. It's called Sax Talk.

So Michael is going to share a story with a sexual encounter while I play some sweet sweet sax along with him. So you're going to be doing a steamy monologue and whenever you're ready, whenever you've got one, it can be as innocent or as graphic as you're comfortable with. Whenever you're ready, I'll hop in with some sax. In 2020, I met this lovely lady on the dating apps and we got a drink and everything was going great.

And we're flirting in Narnia. It was Asland. I was Asland. Anyway, so this girl and I got some drinks and then went back to my place and started talking.

And she told me that she was in a question, which I never met in a question before. I didn't really know what that entailed and why she was even telling me that. But she told me that with the most confidence that a person could tell you that. She looked me in the eyes and she goes, guess what?

And I said, what? She said, I am an equestrian. And I said, that's incredible. We went back into my room and she got on top of me in my head.

I was like, oh, she told me she was an equestrian. She rides horses literally for a living. She jumps them. I'm like, oh, this is going to be incredible.

That was a good one. So we got naked. She down top me and she was riding me. It was bad.

Like, like, bad. Like she literally was like moving just sort of like back and forth. And I can feel bad. And this kind of like left the right movement that felt very similar to like a metronome.

Like just kind of just back and forth. And I was very surprised because if you say to someone with a lot of confidence that you want to question, there is a mission there. There's a mission there to let the other person know that you're going to fuck their brains out. Like you're going to fuck their brains.

Like the brain is going to come out of the skull and a zombie is going to come into the brains. Like that's how much you're going to give them the PUSSSY. And it was so horrendous that I, this is not nice of me. I started laughing.

And then she goes, why are you laughing? And I said, I thought of a funny joke. Say that. During the first sexual experience you have with a woman, she's mid bump and grind.

And you look at her in the face and say, I was thinking of a joke. That was it. She jumped. She jumped off me.

And in that moment, when I saw the jump, I was like, oh, a questioner. That's where it was. Why didn't you use that energy on top of me about a minute and a half ago? And I wouldn't have to lie and say everything but I joke.

I was laughing because you told me you were in a questioner and you were fucking like a metronome and I was very upset. She got a close on. And she left. And she left.

I knew it wasn't going to work in the long term. But it was during the pandemic. Pandemic. But joining was kind of hard to come by.

It was like a Theorem in like 2008. Crypto Koochie. Right out of my life. And ultimately it was for the best.

We learned that if you say that you aren't a question, be better at sex. Here's the cliff notes of that story. If you're as listeners, if you say that you can ride a horse, you better be ready to ride that. Yeah.

Because here's the thing. You didn't have to say that to me. Also, my expectations go way up. Way up.

It's like if she was like, just want to let you know, I ride the pommel horse. And you're like, oh, my goodness gracious. This is going to be stupendous as they say in France. Don't do that to yourself.

Yeah. She was a very, very nice woman. But we all make mistakes. I married her two weeks later.

I guess that's your, that's your, that's your sex during the New York. She's a nice woman. She got up and left. Two weeks later, we were married and a baby on the way.

I was like, what? What? But you just said that you guys didn't really drive. Once she said a quest tree and I couldn't get her out of my head.

I said, I'll see this. They're all work with you. Just like you work with those horses. Every day we go to the track and she rides me around the track.

I sit underneath her now on the horse. I'm a limp body underneath her on the horse. That's how I get my jollies now. Yeah.

She was for gets her. Hold on. Am I a Trojan horse? Let's go.

This has been a fucking treat. It's been a treat for me too, my friend. What was that accent? It's been a treat, really treat.

I, I, I, I, I did teach her in high school. You used to get stuck on words or something. I love that song. Mm-hmm.

I, I, I, I, I, I. When they put that together, they were like, oh, my God. I think that, yeah, in the producer section for that, they were like, we just created one of the biggest bangers of all time. Yeah.

It's so weird to me in that song. It goes in such a different direction after that intro. I want a whole song of ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, and then it goes, crazy, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, too different.

That's why the little John version, in my opinion, is the superior version. Whoa. Because he remixed it and kept all of the... Did you also go this on?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yes. Yeah. That's so interesting. Yeah.

I forgot it takes a turn. It takes a huge turn. Not only that. Yeah.

Well, I like this. I love him as well. He has a very fun follow, and anything else you want to plug my pal before we go? No.

Just continue to listen to his podcast. He's just fucking enjoying a treat and one of a kind show. Also, if you'd like to listen to more of me, I have a podcast. It's called Stiff Sox Podcast.

It'll be Wednesday. Their pal Trevor Wallace. My pal Trevor Wallace, exactly. Trevor Wallace, one of the Jeremiah wonders that we did.

We did a stand up on the spot. Special Trevor Wallace was one of the comedians on that. I watched that special. So funny.

Yeah. If you guys haven't watched it yet, you're crazy. Go watch it. So funny.

Thank you. And yeah, man, if you guys want to be on tour, if you guys want to come see me, it's down there and that's it. Mr. Sir.

Thank you so much for having me. This is so fun. Always a treat, my friend. We'll do more.

I love you. I love you, man. Oh, man. Oh.

Ah. Thanks.