So this is a historic podcast today because I just got dental work And I cannot feel this half of my face right here and without further ado, please welcome my pal go and tie well to the Thank you. Thank you. I'm glad I'm here for this monumental moment You know, I've never podcast so if I if you hear in the audio or you see in the video my face drooping a little bit Yeah, it's a little strokey. It's a little strokey.
Yeah, of course, but you know, yeah, but you know kind of pushing through You said always a yes professional. I'm a bird. See this is like flu game See we booked this and I was like I'll be fine. I got a dentist appointment I did not realize that they were gonna be like when I planned this I was like, I don't be fine And then they're like, all right, we're gonna shoot you up now.
Yeah, okay here we go And in the scale of things you're all right. You're all right But I'm naturally a bit of a mushmau idiot anyway, like even without dental work Well, even if you got dental work, you have the accent to kind of cover it up a little bit Yeah, so you could be like this, you know lean on your action a little bit more like you know I'm a bit of a mumbler. You're not sure they are really, yeah, yeah, yeah I'm just taking a little bit of this I can't even tell you how like it's trying to push up like on the side It's like my mouth is like pushing against it. Well, yeah, this is a permanent thing now for you If it just happened to stay like I forever that's like a good that's a good angle I'm the guy who has half a face like a half a face comic, you know, any way to find diversity these days.
Yes. Yeah, yeah As a white dude, I think so. Yeah, I'm the half a face gun I do impressions on only one side of my face on the other side, you know, it's just me You're in from New York for a little bit. Yeah in from New York I guess I'm from Ireland originally by living New York came in for New Year's Eve at the comedy store with the Legion of Scanks Yeah, I heard there's some wild shows there.
Yeah, it was not true. That was New Year's Eve and now at the end There was like some random girl on stage, you know doing the countdown with us and I don't know what I said So I was like giving up at this girls fake breasts and then she was like they're not fake and took him out for the whole crowd It was like New Year's was wild. Well, it was a real. That's one way to kick up in the year.
She's like, they're not fake look at how Droopy they are she was like look He's like, yeah, yeah, okay, they're not. Yeah, we get it. We get it. We're really not I don't know if this was a different girl, but Jamar was kissing some girl on stage.
Was it that girl? Yeah That was the same one. Yeah Yeah, neighbor He heard it's yeah Yeah, it's a Running down first in like Just a chance. I tell you it's yeah.
Yeah, that's exactly what happened. Yeah, there was a funny video He was on stage and he was kissing two girls after like the New Year's thing and I was me to decide on my own That's like it's a New Year's Eve. It's the countdown and I just like I'm just like waving I just I don't know two girls I've never seen such a photo where someone's so cool and he does the guy beside them Yeah, I was he's still on the show yeah, cool, but you recently did something really cool. You're on the tai show I was on this night show.
Yes, and fun set to man. Oh, thanks. Yeah, appreciate it. Yeah, yeah Yeah, it was kind of came out nowhere.
I just happened like because I'm not none of my friends really are involved in that world of Traditionally like late night stuff sure and I just happened to be doing a show the comments are pretty funny On because I watch your set was great set and it's funny because a lot of the Legion's gang supporters and fans like are in the comments And it's just funny to see that dichotomy between like yeah traditional late. This is where I'm the service I'm a traditional late night show and you know pretty much, you know the indie podcast like punk grunge scene. Yeah coming together Yeah, that's right. Yeah, well, I personally like I was never dreaming mine really it's funny Things first I didn't grow watching late night in Ireland.
So like is there late shows really have their own versions But it's not it's a more talk show. He serious stuff. How late do they go? I know this dumb question hello late night.
Yeah, I'm not like 11 maybe Traditionally I grew up with I can't say traditionally right now Just a bracelet of your microphone That's the thing is like I'm like I keep swallowing I keep realizing I'm about to start foaming at the mouth I'm like oh, you need to swallow I should get drunk and then we both just Like kind of stammering Our late night in Kansas in the Midwest it usually went to like at least 12 30 or 1 a.m So pretty late as far as like late night goes I think Conan would come on I think he would start sometime in the Midwest around 11 or 11 30 and then go till like 1 a.m. Or something like that Hmm so I was kind of happy so I never cared about doing anything I was never just never like a childhood dream. It's really it's kind of not that important anymore and in the grand scheme of your career You know and but I was always reckless with my career like Conan Legion skanks saying horrible things just being a part of that like little edgy boy crew And but they need to get edgy boy merch The caution tape on the mouth just edgy boys watch out. We're saying it.
Yeah, yeah, I was like don't say it We're saying it was saying it was thinking that And yeah, but I am but everyone else that wanted that world the other comedians They were like oh I want a podcast and never say this and then I just got I just happened to get the tonight show How we doing we good good just checking it I just happened to get it and it was great because I was like Like my enemies I've achieved your dream and I didn't want it. It was like a fluke I just happened to do a set one night and the booker was there and he liked me and then it was like very very fast It was like sending a tape blah blah blah well as far as so when you did the set like I've seen you know I handful your stand-up sets and stuff and they're somewhat edgy. Yeah, what was the stuff that you were doing that set where he's like this Pretty much I think I just got past at the set like so I was kind of trying to curse a lot less anyway And he just saw me and I happened and I didn't know who he was all the other comedians knew who he was I thought he was like an older comedian the booker I thought he was a comedian that I never met. Yeah, I guess we'll get lunch or whatever.
Yeah Yeah, I introduced myself to him and he kind of like whatever and I was like fuck a prick You know and then all the other comedians are all nervous and up there thinking it's that big shot And then I just happened to get it and then he told me exactly what he's like I like this joke And I like that joke and I was like fine I'll just do it like he was like do whatever you want like and I was like now just skip all that and I'll just do I'll just do it. Yeah, make it easy. Yeah, but it's going to show people you can do a variety of comedy, right? Of course, I mean that's the same thing on the flip side.
I'm not a crazy dirty comedian Like I talk like a lot like I'll talk like like sex stuff on stage. Yeah, I don't really swear Yes, and for whatever reason that means a lot to people when you don't swear. Oh, yeah, they're like. Thank you for not swearing Yeah, yeah, it's a weird concept, right?
Yeah, but all play I love doing shows like Legion's Gangs Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Because it's not really in my wheelhouse to go that hard in the paint Yes, but I like being around it because I just like comedy in general I'm a fan of comedy so even though I'll put myself in uncomfortable situations because I can see the comedy within it Yes, you're a great example of someone who's you know, yeah Like I said, you're clean but you're not cursing and you're still got like you've got a nice image around you But you're still involved in that world a lot of people won't get a bunch of it But I was like, yeah, but that doesn't mean just because you're on that podcast doesn't mean they're not a con for you in four years When something's happened, you can always just sit out that joke if you think a joke some clothes Well, you know, I go all right, right? Well, I mean that's what's so cool like Jim Gaffian has done like Legion's Like that's the epitome of a clean comic right there. Yes, he'll just sit out if he's not feeling a joke Exactly, that's not his viewpoints But that's what to me like that's what's so cool about doing this different stuff like that is is I never understand people who's like I could never be friends with this kind of person if they voted for that person. Yeah, that kind of mentality I'm like, why yeah, I mean everybody has different viewpoints for sure.
I understand. Yeah, I never Yeah, each other own some people got very tribal with that stuff especially with comedy kind of a little bit over now I feel but I was like a few years ago felt like was a huge kind of divide divide going on and then I feel like coming in from Ireland Where you were like, oh, this is like very like very like I see all the scene You probably saw the scenes very clearly coming in from another country I remember coming to them open mics in New York and I remember a lot of people kind of me like you can't joke about that I always felt They were on funny comedians were pushing this kind of almost a propaganda to be like I'm not funny, right? So I can't allow you to be funny with this so I need to create more rules to like narrow your opportunity to find you Yeah, that's what I always felt it was kind of and then there's always the unfunniest ones who were like oh my god Can you believe he said that I'm like, yeah, of course I can that was hilarious Like yeah, and then like and then I got a comedian will do something and they'll go viral because it was pretty much racist or whatever But like I get I get it's not funny joke, but I get what they were trying to do was if they if they pull that off It's like when you fall I'm really doing gymnastics or something as we all do spring up You know, whatever that thing is you don't hurt yourself trying to do the best trick and then it doesn't look good So if you if you say something racist or for example and it bombs it is racist But I wasn't trying to do the great thing Yeah, and that's the that's the reason it's kind of is cool at times because you're like the risk of bombing and ruining your career is a lot You know like that's versus pulling off and be like this guy's a genius for making that work If you got it if you get it, yeah, but a lot of time they don't yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, those are the clips that you're like, you know what I'm not gonna post this That's the one in the audience folks about you That's not the other cell phone and you're gone. Oh, at least that captions I don't like Instagram captions.
Can you use this font? Yeah? Yeah, you're planning people to try to cancel you in the audience. Yeah, I gotta get a career somehow I'm just thinking that I might try do some sort of like a fake crowd workshop Where it's kind of like a parody of the crowd work nowadays and it's like, you know, you've comedians who are plants going like oh You know, you do the usual like hey, yeah, oh nice of you to bring your daughter here tonight, sir And then he's like what that's your girlfriend?
Oh? Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly and then the camera pans That's just a friend of yours a comedian and he's dressed as a woman and there's like a whole thing Hey, man, I think there's a way to make that because that'd be a lot of fun to watch I think yes, but I'm not right a viral crowd work thing and shoot it Right a viral I go there's somebody's a troll something out here. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah You're not just things on stage stuff like that. Yeah, yeah What you move to New York 2014, okay? Yeah, so I've been out a while now a long time I think I'm did I meet you at Skank that's out was that one of the first times I met I actually think I met you Crazy. I was doing tummy popes show.
Yeah, Tommy Pope used to have the podcast. Yeah at comp media And I showed up as a guest. Yes, you did together you came in as a guest with in finance Yes, and then I ended up having the host to show because Tommy just never showed up He never showed up. He said the text and like I'm in Philly five minutes before the show Yeah, so I just like I'm texting him for information to try to get into the building and then Tommy Pope is like oh, yeah I'm in Philly.
I'm not coming in there's a different host. I'm like wait what you bro you you like I was gonna do your pocket I'm cool with and then yeah Tommy used to really like me every day I was like when did his podcast and I went to do a podcast and I was doing a podcast I'd say good doing it after what yeah, yeah We were grabbing dinner and I was like dude I don't know how this podcast is gonna go because we never met before you come with me and do it because Tommy just bailed like I Don't know what's happening. Yeah, I was like yeah, but I know calm but I know okay cool. Yeah, that was fine Yeah, I can't remember last time I don't be the only time I've ever showed up to do so much podcast and none of us evolved where The actual host around like I guess we're doing this guy's podcast Don't know benefit of us at all.
Yeah, let's do this guy's podcast and upload it for him We do his ad reads in the page. Yeah, we're gonna need you to redo that blue chew He's gonna show it up. I just did him and Chris's pod stuff island. Yeah, that's great.
That's a lot of fun Those are my boys. Yeah, yeah, it's great to see them. Yeah those guys doing well. Yeah.
Yeah that whole Philly cruise doing well dude There's something about Philly comedians that I don't know if it's just this group or in general that I've met over the years But I always click with them and they're always really funny Yeah, just I don't know what it is like Philly birds like just yeah funny Just kind of brasses like say whatever they feel like calm. It's like it's like a it's an irrelevant city Right Philly is like a real irrelevant issue like a kind of it's just it's just close to New York That's kind of all they have so kind of like a shitty just like it's not really a good place to be right It's a dump there's like the bars close early. There's no tourism. They've no gardens.
All their houses are just like They're women yeah women that pigs Yeah, you know the whole city's disgusted and they're all poor and their parents are Like poverty yeah, and but that produces the funniest and best people yeah Know what I'm saying yeah struggle produces funny struggle produces funny Yeah, and they're all just sort of working class dumb Eagle fans, you know trombattaries at the opposition eating batteries eating batteries I can't put it on it. Yeah, that's some cheese on it battery. Yeah, and but yes I thought it just I think that's what because New Jersey is very similar in a lot of like working class poor shady places Just make really funny people that's I think my theory on it. Yeah, like Philly's a real dump I don't know if you've ever been it's horrible.
Hey, they've got cheesesteaks going great I think it's just a relative I don't think it's like a steak sandwiches much better like a proper fault for steak What do you put on your steak sandwich? You'd have like caramelized onions and Some really proval on or something cheese on it and it's one like Chiabatta bread if I'm saying that right I was calling Chiabatta, but I'm learning it adds a flair to it There's a thing about a lot of these words that I was taught in Ireland Do you get here and they go what are you talking about? It's Belogna. No My favorite Oh, yeah, but I mean that makes way more sense like if you're just reading it.
Yeah, we're just winging it with a winging stuff Yeah, I'm very exciting. I'm a saint. She bought it Yes, yeah, that's a good sound that's a good sound I don't need to dice it up and shred it and put the ways on it the ways I think it's disgusting That's nasty really you don't like you know you like cheese comes in a can not Yeah, it's probably like vegan cheese whiz what it's just a bunch of random chemicals I used to be like a fat kid and I would take like the cheese whiz and like Right straight down the goal it did so good. That's like the whip it's ourself Everyone americans hi kids Stuff on cheese whiz down.
I'm out. That's disgusting. Yeah, I don't know that's over. It's like Billy just has not offer anyone It's just a crazy place the comics you show up there like what have you got as a tourist traction a fucking broken bell All right, this is we have a rocky statue Great Now you said that you mentioned the Jamar had two girls on stage while you had none does your accent help you with the ladies?
Oh, I think so I think it has to it doesn't hurt it definitely does not hurt You know I think it might be more if I wasn't based in New York I think people tell me like if I went down to sell like if I went to Tennessee It's like so exotic because everyone's got an accent in New York There's no one like to there and melting pot yeah, but I've heard over the years But I've been in a relationship for one now, but and I have played up in the past and I used to do it when I Started comedy in Ireland and I'd go to England for the weekend for shows I would let people know about the accent you know like I'd be smoking cigarettes and but I'd have a lighter and I'd go up to like a Group of women going like I've got a lighter I just have a smoke and I'm like oh my god Oh You gotta have some you gotta just you know the accent helps I don't know what it is about women love Having this I get as makes you I don't know if it makes you exotic or there's like something just something you need me And I men don't like that kind of at all you know you think that we like more just what we know and man will say this Oh, I love a girl like an Italian accent or something You know you like the girl who's high and if she just happens to have the Italian accent You're like what I like if she was ugly you wouldn't be like well but that accent though, you know where's Axe though. Oh What does that axe do? That axe do But I think women will look at a guy that they don't find it like they go and then he'll like come out with like an Excellular God why think women in general are more into personalities overlooks. Yeah, that's why you see Dead to falls out The column for a while you know I Did you know I did have a buddy who I used to play soccer with in high school who his parents were from London And I stayed over at his place when it used to not be weird for friends to like sleep over at each other's places and stuff like that And I like middle school high school and high school starts to like get a point where like no You go home.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I stay with them for like a night and almost a full day And I came home with talking a little nice Just like little it's because it was so yeah, and he from listening to his mom dad Like he was slipping into his old accent. Yeah, like a tranfer to me and my mom's like why are you talking about? Oh my So nice to see you I've got that black lung down the mind. Do you have any milk for me mum?
Hey now? Hey, you're 11 I said I am on the yard all day playing football Yeah, let's not I pick up accents a lot too. I heard I heard there's like a thing about it like Some people like that it's like you want to be liked type of a thing So you sat like almost mimic their things so I have a real quick thing of picking up stuff I have a thing about that it's more of I mimic energies. Yeah, like I grew up mimicking voices and doing impressions and stuff like that So certain group of people like that.
I'm around I definitely like rise to the occasion of their energy So if I have gay friends around me, they're a little more flamboyant. You're gonna catch me being a little bit more flamboyant I'm just like a cop Completely in the closet go no it's an energy. No, no, it's just this energy that I'm around that I yeah And like I just sometimes I miss that energy so I go on an app and meet these guys at the park No, like if it's energy then can you deny it? Yeah, that's true.
I'm just mimicking is that's the most out of my thing you can say if it's energy? Can you deny it even? That's what I'm saying. Oh, you're so right Yeah, I definitely I've definitely been accused of like around certain groups of friends like being more of whatever that that group of friends It's I don't know what it is.
It's just like yeah, yeah, I understand like kind of like matching the energy in a room sometimes for standup Yes, it's a high energy room. Yeah, sometimes elevating where you're like oh wow I'm really like really going for it versus a dead room sometimes you'll lower yourself I try not to do that because that's when it sometimes I feel like you need the energy to bring them up Yeah, but you sometimes catch yourself like relaxing a little bit more when the audience is kind of more chill and just yeah Yeah, take your time together to fucking punch me go like I've got the long way around for some reason why not? Yeah Yeah, it's chill. Yeah everything's falling asleep.
Yeah, I get it sometimes I find myself done it's really bad I don't know why I can't help it but I do like broken English back to someone speaking broken English You know like you're beat someone Spanish and you know you'll do broken English Like I'll just like break it down like if I'm ordering tacos or something and they're like okay, and I'm like like like One like I'm not just like really one please one please like that Taco yeah, yeah, or else I something like it's you know especially working construction for us So long as I didn't in New York like you're after one this like you'll just say um something's wrong And then they're like more big like oh yeah more big more big. Let's go like type of a thing right right right and you're not trying to correct You're just trying to like yeah like go down. I'll guess that's probably better to do that rather than stop down and go archives Well, you also don't want to be the guy in the conversation. Yeah, actually yeah, it's big on the side.
Okay. Come here one. Yeah, okay What you listen are you looking at me? I appreciate you doing your best.
Do you understand appreciate like all that is so condescending Where is this like you know more bigger or yeah, you know whatever I'm even halfway kind of moving to New York So I've experienced because I worked and I just got like some load at that end construction jobs I got there right and we would go and lunch and like just people from those people who speak French because they're from them like Whatever part of the Caribbean that speaks French. Um, don't they speak French there somewhere? It's more like Creole or something they speak yeah But you have a bunch of people speak in Spanish It was like loads of it and then there was like some Africans that spoke different things So we're not having lunch and we're trying to communicate over something But like no one really speaks the same language So you can eventually truly working out mine. It was like a woman was like a cat on thing and we were talking about someone Was in love with the cat or something was aren't you broken English?
I'm going yeah, hell yeah We spent like an hour trying to just explain that this guy loves the cat I've got one of my life. What is my life? Yeah, just breaking down the physical motions like everybody's just a caveman Yes, yeah, yeah, trying to communicate. Oh, yeah, we just have another Spanish guys.
They have so much fun like they Love the child the guys that I worked with they were all from like Ecuador and they the most childish humor imagine I'm actually oh dude, so if you're working kitchens and stuff. Yes, so it was like if there was like some Samantha You're like poo poo and they're like like that's like they go nuts. Oh dude I just anything all I think it's just the want and need to connect even if yeah If you don't speak the same language if you're around the same people long enough You're like well, I want to connect with this person. Yeah, yeah So like this older Hispanic guy who I used to work with at this Italian restaurant He only washed dishes and his name was archer.
Oh, okay spoke like no English and his nickname was archer. E me the dishwashy machine My amigos call me And he loved to connect with us even though he didn't speak English he would walk out He would grab sausage from the chef and he would walk out with it by his apron and he walked out within his hand I'm like So funny that's okay Hands you my pants and then put my finger through my fly my jeans and I said show everyone and I was like oh And I was like a huge crowd like a huge crowd was a huge crowd never look at the other guys came over side pulling it And it was like it was like I mean kill it was like def jam. I mean I was killing with that One of the biggest laughs I've ever gotten in my life was all these construction workers is that crazy like you think about certain moments in your life And you're like that was one of the biggest laughs including comedy Yeah, sometimes when things are unplanned like that and like people are just like they just lose Yeah, it's like you have a show called white belt. We're like there's like a white though It used to be like my favorite show of all time Especially the English version so they'd be jumping on these balls and say we're mean to those guys Some guy they trick you because you think it's gonna hit your feet and then a black in the face And then they would fall down and that not makes me laugh more like so for all the best written TV shows of all time Nothing makes me laugh more than like some guy gets smacked in the face and falls into water It's good.
I forget it. Yeah, did you did you in Ireland was Jackass big in Ireland when you were growing? Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was a big mite house because we didn't have all the channels right TV Yeah, well, I didn't have any of it was like you have to pay for cake Oh, yeah, yeah, you have to purchase it so it's like its own I only had it like kind of later. I see the friends houses But then I pretend did you have to do the thing over like you kind of pretend like you know the better shows I would come in and even be talking about like a new thing on jackass or like Shippa little shappelle show was the one for me where I had to fake I heard in the waters of Lake Minnetonk and I was like this is hilarious.
I'm like, what does this mean? Yeah, yeah, I'm just like, huh? I'm actually bitch Like have you seen the show yeah, yeah, of course my favorite episode. I don't know what to do me too Yeah, I'm a lot of pretending I just pretend and I didn't have I don't know I guess you found the virus as a kid to not admit that you had is that weird how how if you I don't know I look Back at this a lot and I used to really just worry so much about what other people thought yeah So much to the point where I look back and I'm like do all kids think like this like are you that you're head about getting embarrassed like?
Like my parents early on would train us if we went to McDonald's or whatever They're like no no you're telling the person. I'm not ordering for you Yeah, if I'm taking you to this restaurant you are ordering the happy meal yourself so you can gain some social skills So you're not this kid yeah, yeah, who's hiding behind a parent and then you never learn to connect with other people Like that like no no go to the counter. I don't care if you're four or five. Yeah, I'm right here order tell that person what you want Yeah, yeah, nice.
Yeah, yeah, I never even thought about that You're a parent I'm not being a parent. Yeah, so I'm even talking about the idea of ordering all ordering yeah Well, I one weird thing I remember that I Mean you have your four-year-old like talking to the house insurance Your tea call me hit you got a vendor vendor. Yeah, I'm all you got to explain the you cause the rec so you were you're yammering from the back so some guy was obviously nothing So fucking who where did I license from I think they're drunk the weirdest Celebrity that I ever saw that I kind of hid behind their their significant other was Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie I used to work at Starbucks and Beverly Hills Okay, and they came in one day nice Brad Pitt salt of the earth guy. Yeah, you could just tell was not like fake Does that make sense?
Yeah, I contact whole time. Yeah, just very nice like a like never even try to hide the fact that we're Brad Pete just like it is on this yeah, yeah He's just like kind of like trying to be low-key and not be loud so you don't want cause a scene But also just like being nice cap every cap on or no, he had like sunglasses on. Oh, yeah So you gotta have yeah, Angelina Jolie would not make eye contact with me Okay hid behind Brad Pitt Yeah, it was like suits saying like whispering things in his ears Wow to order because she did not want to she was so I don't know if she just has anxiety about being outside in public with strangers And stuff like that she was worried about being recognized or something, but it was weird It was really that she was like going through him to order like parfaits and costume She probably went down the road of having just assistance to all that for her for so long that she was like probably removed And then she met Brad and Brad's like no, we only all go in and order it. Okay.
She's like shot He's like just been this stoner hippie dude for so long that he's like what ever I think he's from Missouri or somewhere like that. Yeah, he's just always been this like kind of a laid-back dude Yeah, except for the thing that he did to her I think what did he do to her? I don't know I think he's smushed her face on a airplane or something I don't know she said something bad he got he got he got they run a private jet and he's and he's smart you ever a smushion Kind of like I could Let them know you're like you're really the most violent you can be without really damaging Holding your own just reminding them that you're so lucky on better So lucky I'm so lucky I'm a good person I'd be scared Yeah Yeah, so that was everything but yeah, I guess a lot of these celebrities to you do wonder they get like these helpers and they suddenly started like just Remove themselves from reality Kanye was saying that becoming too reliant on helping stuff like that As soon as you come famous you stop growing as a human because you just like people come in and just take over your life Everything you have to worry about builds car insurance getting places you never have to think about the general stuff Like you don't think about going to be your port when you're in there when you're Celebrity someone's organized before you they're like the car Oh, you don't even know they just go boom where we just weekend, you know you're here by rock stars I like and where are we you know all that happens a lot? Yeah, they'll be on the road somewhere and just be like I forgot what city we're just shuttled into it into a van and then that brings it to the plane and you never do anything Wow, it's kind of nice kind of sick Swagles dude 23 here we go dude.
Did you have any new years resolutions? Did you do any now? I need to I usually set a bunch of New Year's resolutions But I've got a couple just like personal like career things that I'm gonna try to make happen this year But nothing like I don't know what this is gonna sound super cheesy, but One of my main goals for 2023 is just to try to be to balance being a good dad and husband amongst the career stuff Yeah, because I got number two on the way kid number two on the way and And then my wife so I want to be a good husband and also good father. Yeah, also good comedian.
Yeah, that's a lot of balance That's a lot of a lot. Yeah, so that that's a big goal for 2023. Yeah, cool. Yeah sick.
Yeah, yeah You got anything on mine? I sat down like yesterday to try think of some stuff and I was all right I wrote it down on a memo, but maybe I'll try sticking on a wall like a vision board to just be like Look at it every day. Yeah I see it all happen just yeah, and they got a gillion of Jolie my wife. That's like my goal It's just every day.
I like it. How do I get to that point spread rumors about Brad Pitt first of all boom the night I guess Bushin faces I swear I swear yeah, it was only recently enough wasn't too long ago It was like something to do with it because the kids don't trust them, you know It was like the kids came out with it. I think so many adopted kids I don't know too much about a passing headlines, but I promise you there was a private jet better smushing and one of the adopted kids Doesn't rep doesn't like Brad comment below with a link. We need it I had to go all TMC here, but I'm breaking it I be so funny to see em see And it's also me just making so I'm like completely forgetting the real thing.
Yeah No, no, no, it was like a delete thing actually Actually completely different celebrity and complete every circle says yes, it was a cult. That's motion There was another guy called sorry always getting those two all the mix up. Yeah Yeah, but my goals were born I just had like try prioritize my health a little better. What are you trying to do to do that?
I just, the last year, since I got out of COVID, my diet's been horrible and I haven't been working out and that's a drink a lot. So that's just a combination of stuff, wanna e-healthy workout, drink a whole lot less. That's kind of it, but normally I have something exciting. It was like pure boring, just I'm not old, down 32, it's just like, yeah, try to save it a bit better.
That's like just the, yeah, cut down on the sugar. Yeah, listen, we're not getting any younger. Listen, I might be lactose intolerant in a couple years. Maybe trim back on the milk and dairy products a little bit.
I'm checking in on one more, a more. Yeah, yeah, that's a year's as little as you go. Checking in on one more. Checking in on one more.
Yeah, yeah, she's getting on. She's getting on. Let's get into this next segment that's called WIG. Nice.
WIG. So Sheila, hey, you been getting any cock lately? You know, you can't cook cock in this town anymore. Everyone's got all these guys are gay these days.
Yeah, what's up with all these guys sending gay whenever you get them back home? It's like, are you gonna put it in me or not? Yo, yeah, did they eat my pussy? I'm like, yo, stop.
What are we playing here? We dancing? You're fucking fucking fucking me. Like, okay, I paid for your dinner already.
Are you really not gonna put it in me? Yeah, all these fucking guys, I just one guy, I was like, why don't you come over fuck me? He said, why don't we go for dinner first? I said, what are you?
What the fuck is going on? Yeah, I mean, like I was thinking about this the other day. I was like, okay, I've got a good set of fingers and something frozen in the freezer. That's way cheaper than going out and risking a guy, not completing the job.
Yeah, yeah. And you know what? I hate when these guys go out for dinner and then they go, I'm not going home with you tonight. And then they think you're entitled for some dick.
I just paid for your dinner. I should get some dick. Listen, you're gonna put out, if I put out my credit card, that's plain and simple right there. Yeah, yeah, listen, if I don't get some dick.
Nice car, Connie. I bet you got back pain, baby. Yeah, from Karen, all that nutsack. That big old schlong that I love.
Love schlong. Listen, Sheila, you're gonna have to be a little bit more confident. You're kinda dropped off there at 10. I like it was kinda...
I'm working on it. You're kinda kept it to yourself and it was like one of those things where it's like, they're not gonna be able to hear you if you're not really going for it, okay? So the next time a guy passes by, just be a little bit more confident, okay? Yeah, okay.
Oh, here comes a dad with a stroller. Oh, great. Yo, you want another one, honey? Huh?
You wanna pump mama full of another baby? Give me some of that good juice. Come on, is your chin single? Whoo!
I got a hundred dollar baby, come on! We have both two, five little women. You want like period sex, I'm on my period. No, no rubber baby, yo, why you?
You can go right here though, my sonny. Come back! Okay, that wasn't front of a child. Maybe that was a hint inappropriate.
She has to learn. I got to show. She did look about 60 years old. She has to, we're some respectable girls.
Yeah. You know, we're just some working class girls, just trying to, we pass me the jacket. Hammer, over there, we pass me down. Oh, that's a ball.
I'm working out. Wow, I guess so. Oh, you know what? Oh, Sheila, come over here.
Do you want me to put something on the end of this jacket? Oh, shut up. Oh, let me out. You need some more weight on that jacket, okay?
Okay. Oh, you're really coming up. Oh, you're coming up. Oh, you're coming up.
Oh, yeah. That's a good one. Sheila, Sheila, I'm not gonna lie. It was not expecting you to actually come over here.
Come on, what's that? I'm gonna hold up to ladies. You're doing construction. Sheila, I hope you got off because that was very hard on my biceps and tris.
We did, we did, we did well here. These men, these men can't do construction like you did. I was gonna ask you to stay put and I was gonna jack him. You wouldn't have come over here and sit in on the jacket over here.
I thought you needed my help. Well, obviously you needed my help to get off. Hey, hey, hey. What's the coffee match, the drapes?
Is there a beard around your ballsack? Hey, hey, hey, man. Yo, let's see your balls. Hey, let me see that penis like date.
Yo, you precoming baby? I bet you precoming. Yeah, I bet you did. I bet you prek and when you saw me in my pal Sheila over here.
That your girlfriend, I'll beat the fuck out of here. Yeah, we, that piece of crap, I'll get over here. We'll take all the teeth out. We'll scratch your eyes out of the mousinity in the mail.
We love you. Nice. We got them when he comes back. Yeah, back around.
School run, back around. Yeah. So did your husband pack you anything for lunch today, Sheila? You know that fucking cocksucker has never packed me nuts.
He never packed you a lunch before? The last time he packed me something, it was a fucking, what was it? It was a fucking Wagyu steak. A Wagyu steak?
Wagyu steak. For lunch. For lunch. What a heathen.
You got a Michelin star restaurant. Oh, that piece of shit. I was like, yo, I'm get dunked. He knows I like dunking donuts.
Exactly. What a fucking, why would he get you a good guy? I think his brain is broken. You know what it is?
What? Yeah. Yeah. It is broken.
His brain is broken. He's breaking the words right out of my mouth honey. No, listen. What about your husband?
Did you get anything? You know he made me a peanut butter and jelly recently, which I was going to be okay with. But then he knows that I do only creamy. This bitch put in crunchy into my peanut butter and jelly.
What kind of an animal does he think I am? Do you know, do you hit him? Do I have hooves? Do I have a goat tail?
I don't think so. You know you got to hit him? Yeah, of course I do. I do him down the stairs whenever I got home from work.
Yeah. Okay. Nice. I put him when he's asleep.
I put my cell phone beside his balls. Gave him test his go-cans. Girl, you're bad. He's got to learn.
He does that to learn. He does that to learn the hard way. Also, he's got like three big balls. Oh, you know I like woman over here.
I like it. Well, we got a clock out soon. Yeah. Should we say goodbye to any more men?
Look, some Mexican men over there. Oh, hello. Is that? Oh, man.
Manuel, Manuel, Manuel very well. Oh, okay. Wow, you've got your whistles down. Felipe, more like Filmy Up A, huh?
Get over here. Yeah. That one didn't work. I'm sorry.
Y'all worked up in the ones. I like the video. They can't help me. They can't help me sing as I guess.
No. Alejandro, Avia, Alejandro. Oh, it's getting better. Yeah.
I'm trying to think of Mexican names. What do they know? What does my mouth hurt? I think it's from all the blowjabs.
I think it's like, wait a minute. We got to pass the time to work somehow. It's true. Well, same time tomorrow.
Yeah, you got it. All right, bye, Sheila. Bye. Fiona.
I often thank God that I was not born in the wrong body. Like if I had to be a trans woman, I'd be a very, very on attractive trans woman. And I'm like, I'm often glad about that. Does that make sense?
I'm not going to be a pretty woman. Some people could be, I think you could be a pretty woman. You got a pretty. Maybe with a nose reduction.
Possibly with a nose reduction, correct. I think I'd get away with this particular, not to say that ladies and big noses are on the track. I'm just saying this particular model is a little masculine. A little bit of work.
Yeah, what I have, it's just, it's not right. It's almost like, I kind of go, imagine how I can look good as a woman. Well, I saw Sheila in. Vava vu.
Oh, oh. Let's just say on the acting side of me was, no. I had to restrain myself. I think we got to redo the jackhammer scene.
You know what somebody about that is like, is I really thought you were going to stay in your seat and do this? But then you just walked over to my lap and I was like, well, I guess it's happening. I guess it's crying against me. This is happening.
Nice. I said that was, what? It's a Wednesday. You got it.
Yeah. You've erased it. Anything can happen. Look, I'm now you're a married man.
Start for attention. So let's go to give you a little something. Yeah, dude. You'll be sniffing that week.
You're a shi- Sheila. Let's just say I'm on the road this weekend. It's going to get me through the weekend. Yeah.
What? He's going, why are you talking about it? Don't let your shi- Yeah, we meet a woman named Sheila in the future and I'm just like, come in my pants immediately. I was like, what was that reaction?
I'm like, don't worry about it. It was something that happened years ago. No, it wasn't a whole lot of cackling and construction. We made a lot of wasps.
But yeah, that's a big stereotype too. I think it's a stereotype that's in a well articulated, like, hey baby, I love your ass. Show me your ass. Like, that's not, it's more or less like, sort of things like that.
Yo, what's the time of thing? I used to hate it because you'd be, first it was like annoying. You're on lunch and like a girl walks by and there's someone's like whistling out of your mouth. And it's like, nothing's ever gone to materialize really.
But you also got to say, in the parts of New York, like in the Bronx, it's much more calm. It's much more of a culture, obviously. I think cackling is more of a white woman issue and then in other neighborhoods, more like just the way it goes. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lewis J. Glamrs has a joke about it. It's like, it's called hollering.
No, it's cackling is hollering. But I used to hate it because I was like, worst case scenario, you call this girl and then she's all come over and then she's talking to us. I was just listening to some random chick while I'm trying to join my lunch and meet in my horrible mixing cement job. Right.
That's like a worst case scenario. The best case scenario is horrible to me. Even if she does come over then she's seeing you and your natural habitat of working and stuff and then you're like, where do we go from here? She's like, how are you guys doing?
I'm like, fuck off. Yeah, yeah. I don't want to be looked at right now at work. I just want to do my job and get out of here and forget about it.
Yeah, but never have much confidence to cackle someone or even be like a long distance approach or type of guy. Yeah, I think it takes also a specific kind of woman who would actually like that. You know what I mean? To turn on and be like, hey, yeah.
Yeah, I think they have the mannequin or something. I don't know what it is, but it's on top of you. It works. It works in some places.
Hey, maybe that is maybe some people do see it as a conference and he's like, oh, he had the conference to step to me. Okay. Yeah. Let's see what he's all about.
Biggie Smalls did it in the movie about him than the toys. The movie. I don't know if that was the actual scene, but he little came was walking by. He's like, yo, what's up, babe?
Yeah. And then next thing you know, they were in that guy got chicks. He got he did. Yeah.
And he rined about afterwards. Yeah, I did. I got chicks. They suck my dick.
So natural rhyme. I think there's good rap and then there's a lot of bad rap. It's one of those things where there's probably rap is one of my favorite genres, but there's a lot of crap within that. I think that country is the worst genre.
There is. Okay. Yeah. I think there's the most bad music within the country genre.
Yeah, there's a lot of I think there's the most highs and lows within rap though. Does it make sense? Yeah. Okay.
Like the disparity between good and bad, there's a lot in the middle. Yeah. For me, there's like six guys I've ever heard that was like, that's actually good. And then like Lil Wayne is great.
And then the vast majority of it's like, you know, the double entangels. I was like, you just got to sit down and that just punts. Right. Like if I heard someone, cause he rhymed, it's supposed to be great.
But if I hear someone do that same type of a pun. A pun as a joke on stage. I go, oh God, but when Jay Z does it, we're all like, what a genius. Even even as stand up shows, it'll get groans.
Yeah. If you do certain puns and crayons are like, uh, and they should do. They should get gross. Um, yeah, but like what's Lil Wayne's like, I stand in front of the clock because I'm ahead of my time or something like that.
Yeah. Yeah. I got it. But sometimes it's a stretch down too.
You know, we're always just like, I can't even think of a good example. They're always looking for that next one. Yeah. Okay.
I do think it's over. I honestly think if he gave me like a few months, just like focus on wrapping, just the pure writing elements of it, I think I could be, I think I could definitely be the best in the world. What an oversight. What an oversight.
I take just give me a couple of weeks. Just give me a deal. I'm not just, I'm not listening. Someone else can do it a beat.
Cause that's a, that's a, I have no thing, but I could definitely just like sit down and be like, all right, what's a common expression? Right. Rain and cats and dogs and then you're like, cats and dogs and then you're going to come out with a great rap song about raining cats and dogs. That's one line.
Okay. He's getting, he's getting elves in the canals, which rain cats and dogs. You know, like this was going to have four seconds of me riffing, but I think it'd give me an hour. That's a good line.
I'll get that. And that's one line. How many do you need per song? 10.
You need quite a few. 20? Yeah. What's the over under here?
Let's do our final segment of the show. That's called Saks. Okay. Half of my mouth is numb.
I've never played Saks after I've gotten dental work done before, but we're going to do here today. We're going to share a story of a sexual encounter where I play some sweet, sweet sex underneath and here we go. Whenever you're ready. So this story heavily, it's more of a story about plumbing than it is about sex.
Well, you can take whatever themes away. It's multi-layered like that. So for you, the listener, the watcher. So the year is New York City 2018.
The young, the young column Terrell, me, I'm working in a bar in Queens. It's an Irish neighborhood and it's just full of Irish immigrants who have longed for the old country. And long story short. Like the bartender, I close up that night, but there's one of the regulars she's hanging around.
So then we lock up. Yeah. We knew what's going on. I'm going to lock up.
You can stay. You can stay. That's the way about to do some stuff in my place of work. But there's cameras around and stuff like that.
So we don't want the owner to see us because he'd be watching. So we went into one of the bathrooms and we're playing around and we're doing stuff. Things are getting hot and heavy. And then at one point the lady, she leaned on the sink too hard and the whole sink ripped off the wall.
C'mon, crashing down. So I was able to fix it real quick. Kind of hooked it back on the wall a bit, but the pipes are broken. Everything was messed up.
It was bad. But we finished out what we went in there to do. Sink or no sink. We were able to just keep on rocking.
So obviously, Dan, I can't tell my boss. Hey, I was cracking open some young one. I was cracking open a customer in the bathroom and we broke the sink. I had to tell him that there was a girl who got too drunk.
She went into the bathroom and she was drunk and ripped it off the thing. And it would fall off all the time. There was one of those sinks that kept falling off the wall for a few months. And then I think I don't know if someone might have told my boss but every time he'd see me be like, call him.
I know you did something. That's the old tale of column and the sink. And the bar. Nice.
Dude. That's great. Yeah, that's a great story. I'm just imagining the panic that's set in.
Yeah, while also being in... You're also wanting to finish the job. Yes. She's like, what should we just thought?
No, that's fine. There's water going everywhere. I have to try to turn it off real quick. Like the supplier did you end the sex?
Did you just keep like... I think I had to cut off the shelf or whatever? No, the sink was like a small wash and it was hooked onto the wall and that came down after the hook. So I think all the stuff was still connected to it and it was a little bit of a leak but it wasn't happening.
And I had to re-hook it up and tighten it but then the problem was people would constantly come in and lean on it and just go down all the time. Dang. Yeah, I'm going to bring in the plumber. It's loads of times and all this stuff.
And I remember when the plumber was like, I was like, yes, I'm drunk girl. And they were like, I don't know how but he was like, I bet you you were in there with someone. I was like, no, no, no, no. She was drunk.
Let's say, let's be in the middle. Combination of the two stories. Thank you so much for coming on the podcast. What have you been in time, man?
Yeah, thank you so much for having me, man. I appreciate it because I'm doing a lot of congratulations on the new kit on the way. Appreciate that, brother. Appreciate that.
We're going to find you. I did your podcast recently, the people can check out on your channel. The Column Terrell podcast, it's on my YouTube channel and YouTube slash Column Terrell. It's available everywhere you download.
If you want to see me live, just head off to Column Terrell.com. I put up all my dates there. I don't know if you have a lot of LA. Listen, I'm here.
Well, I'm not going to be doing a show in the belly room on St. Patrick's day, which is March 17th. I'll just be like a column, there's a friends. Come celebrate, come celebrate, see a Patrick's Day with a real Irish person and we'll all dress up like Leprechaun's get too drunk.
Definitely do that. There are a lot of LA listeners who tune into the spot. Yeah, definitely do that. And then yeah, I'll be on tour as well.
JeremiahWackens.com for tour days. There's a new episode of Stand Up on the Spot that's out right now, but it's 18 and up. You have to sign in to watch it because YouTube found it too vulgar to just put out there. So, youtube.com.
Stand up OTS, help get some more traffic on that episode is with Godfrey, Mattie Smith, Nick Vadirat and your boy, Jeremiah Watkins. Thank you so much for tuning in. And yeah, thanks again for coming by. I love you, man, I love you.
Thank you.