JW Ep 52- William Montgomery

A child arrived just the other day, he came to the world in the usual way, when they were planes of catch and bells to pay, he learned to walk while I was away, and he was talking for a new one as he grew, he'd say, I'm gonna be just like you, dad. You know I'm gonna be like you, and the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon, little boy blue and the man in the moon, when you're coming home dad I don't know when, but will me together then, you know I'll have a good time then. That was a little hairy, shapein' with cats in the cradle. Come be live on Jeremiah Wonders.

Do you have any Masters? Hey Jeremiah, hey there, why would you pick that song? To open the shell, huh? Well, I gotta tell ya, I tried to think of a song that would make me think of William Montgomery, and for whatever reason, that was the first one that came to my mind.

I have no idea why. That's the vibe of this episode today, it's out there, it's different, it's a weird one guys William Montgomery, the new Kill Tony regular, is my guest on Jeremiah Wonders today. Very excited for you to hear this. It gets bizarre, but you know, your boy likes that.

I like it a little, I like taking it to Funkytown every once in a while, you know? It's a good time. William Montgomery, William Montgomery, it's about you, it's about you. You are the newest regular on Kill Tony.

I know, I pumped, congratulations my friend. Why don't you four play? What did you say? Why don't you four play?

Wow, that's not a stonking stuff, put that back in your trousers man. Don't repeat any of this, don't repeat any of this, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's. Hope you guys had a good Christmas or whatever holiday you were celebrating. So you spent away with some loved ones, some friends and family.

I was back in Kansas, I'm back in LA now and I got my brother in SNES Classic for Christmas, which has all the classic Super Nintendo games on it. And we had, wow, so much freaking fun playing that thing. We beat Donkey Kong Country and we beat Super Mario World, which you don't think about those games if you used to play them. Those take a while to beat, they're pretty difficult.

So let's just say, I mean, my bro are pretty proud of ourselves with how we spend our time over the holidays. Yep. And I got to play a lot of pool while I was back home, love me some billiards. I love doing that on the road whenever I go on the road with the Kill Tony or I'll actually be in Texas with, with Tony in Swift 4 for New Year's Eve in Dallas.

Hopefully we can find a bar to go play. Boy, I like to do that to decompress after, after shows. It's a good time, but I got to play a lot of pool with my dad back in Kansas, my buddy Joe Grace and I played some racquetball with my dad too. And I hadn't played racquetball in 15 years or so.

And by the second or third time, I was back in it. Yeah, I felt good to beat my nearly 70 year old dad at racquetball. Oh, felt so good guys. Mm hmm.

My mom fixed, so my favorite food was back. It was awesome to see my momma. Always good to see that. And of course, my sis.

I got to spend a lot of good time with the family and a lot of in-laws now, a lot of my parents are both remarried and the stepdad music video that Pat Reagan and I wrote and put out, which if you ever watch it, you got to go watch it. It's stepdad and the stepdad is played by Polly Shore. And the song, the opening line of the song is my name is Robbie and I have sex with your mom. And I showed the video to the actual Robbie, which is my mom's husband and he luckily liked it.

So that was nice. That was good. That wasn't any drama that came with that. So that's good.

I hope you guys had a good week and I'm here to make it better. Once again, starting off on a nice, fun, happy, positive note. Email JeremiahWonders at gmail.com, send me some music submissions to get featured on the show possibly. And also your kindness challenge letter sent to JeremiahWonders at gmail.com.

This is what this guy did actually, who submitted a kindness challenge letter. He is from Kansas. Says in his letter and I don't know what he sounds like. I don't know what he looks like, but I sort of wonder what if I read the letter and the voice that I think he might sound like.

And here we go. Hello, my name is Mike. I'm also from Kansas. I just wanted to thank you for your podcast, JeremiahWonders and your podcast has really helped me get through this tough time in my life.

My house burned down in October. We lost everything. So many people have reached out and helped to make me see that kindness really does exist. I've been trying to help people in any way I can since I've been listening to your kindness challenge letter.

Just want to thank you for the laughs and the content. Mike. Mike, thank you for writing this show. I'm very sorry to hear about your house, but I'm happy to hear that other people have been helping you out and reaching out.

And, you know, this has been a, I'm sure a very trying time in your life. And I hope you know, you build back what you have. And hopefully with the community that you have, it sounds like you have a lot of people who love you who are helping you out, which is great news and very hard time. So thanks for writing in.

And it's very cool that you are also paying it for yourself. That's very cool. Thanks for writing in to the show. That was a, you know, kind of a general kindness challenge letter.

Guys, feel free to send me in. I love reading these on the show. Every city that I go to whenever I'm on the road, people tell me how much they appreciate the kindness challenge. If you don't know what it is, I challenge you the listener every week as well as myself to do something nice for a stranger or somebody that you may know.

Well, do something, have a kindness of your heart for them. It can be big. It can be small. It doesn't matter as long as it's contributing something positive into the universe.

So there you go. Hopefully you had some opportunities through this holiday season to do that kindness challenge. I want to thank the sponsors of the show Speedweed at Speedweed on Twitter. Gino has the hookup on that icky sticky green green marijuana.

Yes. And it's becoming legal more and more. So hit up Gino at Speedweed on Twitter. Bronx born pizza at Bronx born pizza on social media.

Thomas Shiffer hooking it up. One of the original sponsors as well as Gino on the show. And I'm very proud to announce another sponsor. If you didn't hear last week, Menchie music and Pennsylvania at Menchie music at Deek, a Matic and at Seth M.

710. They hooked up your boy. I have a brand new professional saxophone that I will be sporting on the show very soon. Could not be more ecstatic about it.

I was breaking in this week. I got to play Christmas music for my family over the holidays on the new sax in Kansas. And it was very special. It meant a lot to me and it meant a lot to my family.

So thank you very much, David and Seth for hooking your boy up and making that happen. I'm also looking for new sponsors of the show. So if you would like to sponsor a show, email geremywenders.com. I'm selling airtime.

What? That's right. You can buy 30 seconds of airtime on geremywenders and I will read whatever copy you'd like me to read. What?

Do you have a company? Do you have a revenge letter? No, don't send in revenge letters. That'd be weird.

This one's for you, Dad. You can also support the show at geremywenders.com. There's a PayPal donation button if you'd like to do that or you can help support me by going over to iTunes and leaving a five star rating and review that podcast. We're almost like 300 reviews right now and I'd love to get to 500 reviews in the next couple of months.

I also would love to thank my friend, Gage Tarena. He does all the audio and video editing for this podcast and I could not be putting this out there without him. So thank you very much, Gage. Follow him on social media at Gage G-A-G-E-T-I-J-E-I-J-E-R-I-N-A.

He's a very funny comic from Texas. So look up, Gage and check out his shows around that area. Even if you're not doing it already, follow me on social media at geremystandup across the board. That's right, geremystandup.

Lots of clips, lots of funny content that you can't get just listening. Need your eyeballs for some of that stuff too. So go over there and check that out. William Montgomery is the guest today.

I want to get into this right now. He's our newest Kiltony regular. He has a eccentric style and flair to him. I love his sense of humor and like I said, I love going to Weird Town and he rolled right through him and became the mayor, started running for office very quickly.

So without further ado, please welcome my pal and yours now, William Montgomery. Did you hear my wonders? I think we're ready to go. You're with William Montgomery.

We've already started recording. We're here having a grand old time. I know. And just to paint a picture for you guys that may only be listening, you got to watch this.

William has a Miller High Life and he was just drinking one a second ago while I was drinking a cup of milk as we started to bond before the podcast. Niveling on some sort of cereal. What kind of cereal was that? Oh, it was it was loose bread and cheese.

And turkey because my wife is out of town and it's the holiday so we have nothing in the fridge right now. So I was just literally like there was like little croissant and some cheese and turkey and I was just shoveling it down for fuel before you came over. It's funny you're eating it out of a bowl. Do this by a single cereal.

I know. It was actually a pretty sad meal when you think about it. Just scooping bread and cheese and turkey breast. Just I'm just like I sometimes I if I'm really busy I forget to eat and then all of a sudden I start shutting down.

I'm like, why am I so tired? I'm like, oh, I haven't had anything. It's been three days. It's been three days.

What's this pain in my stomach? It's for not eating. Okay. Perfect.

Gosh, last night I ate an entire Dijorno pizza and avocados were 99 cents. I got an avocado and I cut it up and I put it on top of the Dijorno and I watched probably seven episodes of Shark Tank. You ever watch that? Not much but I've watched an episode or two.

It's enjoyable. It's addicting. Great. Oh my gosh.

You have people in there. Just all these inventions. I'm just so impressed. I have all these inventions.

Is it one of those shows where you watch it and part of you is like I could do that or is it one of those things where you watch it and you're like, oh, that's out of my league. I couldn't pitch an invention to save my life. It's more of a downer. It's more of a downer.

Well, this is a reality check right here. Yeah, I could never pitch these things. There was something last night people put water in balloons and they were saying it's going to be the next big hit during summertime and I was just like, how do people even come up with us? Yeah.

Yeah. I sometimes am blown away by the confidence of people with bad ideas. Oh, yeah. There's no going in there.

I think this is going to revolutionize the industry and you're like, this is a horrible idea. I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, dude. You got to.

You got to be a little, well, I mean, I had a pregame beer before we started the podcast and I was like, you're welcome to drink on the show. And I think one number two, let's keep accounting. He's number two and we're just getting started over here. I wonder.

Oh man. It's going to, ooh, it's going to. It's going to be up for Miller Highlight, the champagne of beers. Miller Highlight, the champagne will be.

That's great. All right. First off, are you sponsored by them? Do they?

Every time you say Miller Highlight did this is like, you know, there. I am. So I'm sorry, I may have to do this to be a triathlete in like five years ago. I was winning some triathlons in Miller Highlife.

Came up to me after race and they were like, hey, we want to start sponsoring you. You're great at these Triathlons. Then yeah. I mean, they came up to me after this race.

It was just a hell of a race. And then yeah, the Miller highlight people came up to me and Miller High, the champagne of beer. Now you might want to be careful just throwing their name out there like that, because I I think contractually the ad agency, by the ad agency, you are bound. So legally, those people have to follow you around and sing every time you say the company's name.

So you might not be so willy-nilly, but just throwing that around. Otherwise, it might be just like, this podcast might just be covered. I know, I mean, it's been like, I don't know. Yeah, five years since Miller, how they started sponsoring me and.

Miller, I live the champagne, I'm there. All right, William, how many times I have to tell you, like, I just told you to maybe not throw their name around like that, because these people are annoying me. There's three of them, two women, I think that's, yeah, it's a woman. Two women, and one guy over there.

Yeah, Janis, let's go to for Janis. Janis, who are the other two? Patricia and Mike. Janis, Patricia and Mike, okay.

I mean, I thought it was weird, I thought it was more of like an entourage thing that you brought over to my place. Now it's the Miller High Life people. Yeah, they work for Miller High Life. Miller High Life, Miller High Life, Miller High Life.

Champagne, beer, champagne, beer. Okay, they were really late on that one. They were like, I was there for a moment. I was kind of excited, I was like, they're starting to slap.

I know it's gonna stop. It's gonna stop, but anyway, so you got sponsored by them after a race, and clearly you're a great spokesperson for the company. Yeah, I've been drinking it to excess ever since. Miller High Life, the champagne, beer.

Miller High Life, the champagne, beer. It seems kind of like they're phoning some of it in a little bit now. It does. But it's hard to say.

I think it's hard because you love the product so much, you just say it's in your lexicon, it's in your language so much, you're just saying it all the time. Yeah, I mean, I got this gut from drinking way too many Miller High Life's. Miller High Life's champagne. It seems like Miller High Life's Christmas commercial.

That one done. Miller High Life's champagne, beer. Anyway, so it's not about that company. We're done talking about that company for now.

It's about you, William Montgomery, here on Jeremiah Wanders. And I'm very excited to have you on the show, buddy, because you are the newest regular on Kill Tony. I know, I pumped. Congratulations, my friend.

Well, thank you. You all were very nice to ask me. Dude, we're pumped to have you apart of the show. You had a lot and it's a different energy, and you know me, I love different energy.

I love playing with different energy. So I was super stoked when Tony announced that, because he didn't tell us that he was going to announce it. So when you found out, I was like, yeah. Yeah, he told me it like a year ago.

He told me a year ago. He told me a year ago. He was going to make you ready on Kill Tony podcast like at the just the very end of 2018. And it seems like that's working out pretty well.

Yeah, it happened, which is so exciting. I'm excited. I am worried. I'm just one month in going to crash and burn and run out of minutes.

That's a real fear I have. I'm going to Memphis for Christmas. You'll get some inspiration there for sure. I hope so.

I may never come back. I'm starting to feel the pressure. I may never come back. Just being regular for one week.

I guys, I don't know if I can. Yeah. That was it. Thank you so much.

Thank you. It was a good wild acid. I'm going to move back to Memphis, Tennessee. And I had back there with a family.

And I'm Larry and Francis. And yeah, just. Larry and Francis is your mom and dad, right? Yes.

Yeah. Now, Larry and Francis, do you call them that to their face? If I'm angry. I grew up calling Larry Francis.

Get out of my room and get out of my life. Yeah, I grew up calling them mama and papa. But now if I'm referring to them, I'll call them either first names. And then again, like when I'm home, I'll call them mama and papa probably.

But like a Francis starts pissing me off. It's I'm going straight to Francis. Gloves are coming on. Yeah.

I'm going to be pissed. Yeah. It's been funny. I've been out here 10 months now.

But I promise if she starts talking shit, and I'm going to have to get a haircut and shave my beard or something. She's going to be angry when she sees me. Yeah. I promise you.

Why? At least I'm going to have to trim it. Just because you have a big beard? She will be horrified.

Why? If she was walking that door right now, she would be horrified. You used to a clean shave in Baby Boy William? I mean, I feel like probably a decent amount of time I lived my life with her.

I was clean shave him. Yeah. And then yeah, later on, I've had mustache or she hates that. She says I look like a pedophile.

Wow. Yeah. Now Francis gets into it. And that's why I says it like it is.

Yeah, she does. Were you a troublesome kid growing up? Were you a good kid? Don't repeat this.

But in the first grade, I started stealing stuff out of people's book bags. My teacher was Miss Diaz in the first grade of Presbyterian day school. And I literally, I started Miss Diaz would have a little drawing with people's locker numbers on the ping pong balls. And I would find out the kid that won the prize.

And I would go up when we were waiting for Carpool and just take the shit out of their bag. And one day, my buddy Hugh Francis, I told Hugh about it. And he told his mother. And she told my parents.

And I had to talk into up in my bedroom. Because you were smuggling stuff out of those book bags? Yeah, stealing stuff. I mean, little.

Do your parents have accents living in Tennessee? Yeah. I would say my mother, you would probably latch. She has a wonderful accent.

It's a very, very southern accent. Yeah. Her family's from Mississippi. Oh, yeah.

OK, yeah. My grandma's from that area. Meridian, Mississippi. Oh, nice.

My grandfather lives there. Have you ever visited that area? Yes. I've only visited once.

But it was the most stars I've ever seen in my life. Was it really? Yeah, because it was out in the country where we went. It was literally, they kind of live like one of my dad's cousins where we went.

Kind of backwards, like kind of like gravel roads to get there. And I looked up at this guy and I was like, what? I know. I felt like I was in like an observatory or something.

Just like being out in the middle of nowhere. And Mississippi has no streetlights from miles and miles. I know. It's cool looking.

Yeah. I actually don't please don't repeat those, but I also used to steal things at a planetarium where you can look at the stars, but people would have like wallets sort of coming out of their back pockets. Yeah. We're climbing in the chairs and it was like, sir, sir, we see the telescope underneath the turtleneck.

Yeah, what's going on, sir? Sir, hey, sir, what's under your turtleneck right now? Sir, it is clear. There is a giant telescopic lens sticking out the bottom of your shirt.

And I can see that, no, you can't just say that you have been putting on weight over the holiday season. It's in the shape of a telescope. Sir, what is underneath that turtleneck? Sir, it's cylindrical.

It's cylindrical. It's running down your pant legs and it's descending in girth. There's no way that's what it is, what you're claiming it to be. There's no way it's not a microscope.

It has to be a telescope. Yeah. What are you doing? Oh, gosh.

Yeah, stop. So far, my favorite thing on this podcast is you saying, don't repeat this initiative. Record it, audio and video podcast. Now, don't tell anybody this.

What are you talking about? Will people hear those? Is this your first podcast? Wait, did you know that Kill Tony is a podcast, William?

What? What? Oh, man, we're only two millers in. This is going to be a good time.

Yeah, I'm blacking out tonight. I had a hell of a day at work today. Yeah, you said you were going to storage place, right? Yeah, I literally, I would say the name right now, but I feel like I'm pretty sure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But basically, I specifically had four lock cuts within the first four hours of the day. What's a lock cut? It is people lose the key to their lock and I have to go out there with this.

Oh, like a lock cut? Oh, I have a power saw, dude. Get out of it. Yeah, I buzz off locks.

I saw off locks accidentally hit my leg. I did get close one day. I also I sawed off a lock at the end of last week and I'm going to take my goggles off and I still have the lock in my left hand and there's a bunch of metal and dirt and it I put right in my eyes. Oh, no.

It was awful. It's like little straps and little. It was bad. I was so angry.

I threw the lock down on the floor. I started. Francis, take the wheel. What?

Come on. Come on. Are you kidding me right now? I poured metal in my own eye.

God, that I hate self-induced pain. It's worse. Yeah, it was horrible. It was worse.

Well, how long you've you did comedy in the Denver scene, if I recall, right? Live there for two and a half years. Live for two and a half years. Did you live there when Jordan Dahl lived there?

Do you know Jordan? I love Jordan Dahl. I've only seen him a couple of times. But I love yes.

I always thought he was very funny. He's a very funny dude. Yeah. And like Chris Sharpenteri here.

Sharpie. Sharpie. Sharpie. Sharpie.

Sharpie. Sharpie. Sharpie. Sharpie.

Sharpie. Sharpie. Sharpie. How are the main differences between the Comedy scenes?

What did you say? I mean, I feel like, generally, I've luckily been able to make some buddies in both places. Just right when I got to both of the places, and still now, here. Trying to just hit up a bunch of open mics and stuff.

Yet I have really liked it here. I honestly was scared to leave Denver. I remember this time last year when I was about to get bombs from the sector. I was like, In Between Jobs.

I stopped a dishwashing job restaurant. Let's give a shout-out to Middle Art Kitchen. BNicky Koran Cheesbergers, if you're ever Sound... No.

No, yeah, moving back home and I freakin was in between jobs. I just found two sketchy people to live at the house where I was I was living so I didn't have to pay rent for a couple months now Are you parents supported people of the comedy or do they not quite get it or I think they are genuinely horrified but recently? My father he'll call me and give me joke ideas, which is fun, which is very nice of him I do need to do just a compilation thing. I think it could be just a funny set of just all of his jokes Oh, yeah, that'd be great.

I think it'd be great. I do specifically remember probably six years ago when I was back in Memphis I had like a one-piece ski suit on I was about to go to an open mic at the P&H cafe shout out to P&H Cafe in Memphis and but uh Yeah, I had a one-piece ski suit on and like elbow pads and knee pads on and my mom was just like what are you about to do? I was like, oh well I'm gonna talk about how I was rollerblading and got my my rollerblade caught in a sewer grate and I fell down and got hurt Real bad and I specifically remember Francis started crying like not thinking it was funny I specifically remember that she started crying. I think she was so worried or sorry that this is what you're gonna do with your life Seriously, that was probably like five maybe five years ago or something.

She literally up in the kitchen She started crying dude. You're like mom this bit has legs What are you talking about the rollerblade in the great and a great bit? Everybody's gonna love this bit mom. I know and we're in a one-piece ski suit Francis.

It just makes sense Francis How is this not funny? That's what you need to ask yourself Okay, you need to look yourself in the damn mirror over there and say hey Francis Am I being the woman that I know that I can be am I being the mother? Yeah quit talking on William. Yeah, come on Your mom crying just a visual of you and rollerblades and that one piece of ski suit and being like mom This is what I'm doing my life.

It's really like oh no Oh, God. No, you probably bothered me a little like I forget now sort of but I think I'm sure bothered me a little I'm kind of a horrible kind of way, but I think it probably bothered me a little yeah, I mean I My dad like I always try to do like impressions and stuff for my dad and I put up these different reels and stuff and I'd be like Hey, dad. This is like one of my impressions like video. Yeah, he'd watch and he's like he's pretty good He's pretty good.

You know, it's good impressions Jimmy Fallon That guy's really funny like completely taking the sale out of like this long project that I worked on like yeah Yeah, oh my gosh, that's funny. Yeah, it's your father. Will he be watching this dinner? No, but he did watch one of them randomly where I talked about for whatever reason He'll follow some of the myself on YouTube occasionally, but he emphasizes, you know when older people emphasized the wrong word Hey, I saw you on YouTube Hey, let's get some pizza hut.

Yeah Can you pass that that remote control? It's like emphasis on the wrong side where you know nothing about this That's funny. So he'll do that and what does like your mom thinks so what generally now? You're obviously it seems like you're doing big thing I mean, what are they what are they what are their thoughts now?

They've always been like emotionally very supportive if that makes sense Like you know, yeah, go for like, you know like go for your dreams like all that They've always been like super supportive I think it's hard for anybody who's not like in the mix of all this to really fully understand what's going on But they're always super supportive and I just made a clear and with our relationship like sometimes like I'll have to explain to them What is important to me like like yeah? No, we can be excited about this thing You know what I mean? Like because you try to downplay stuff out here because you don't really know how things are gonna You know what I mean? So I'm pumped about the kill totally thing But I'm literally worried about a month and I'm gonna crash and burn and move back to Memphis never sure my face at the comedy store No, it's actually that's what's great incentive about becoming a new regular and show is it's going to require I know what I work and like and like which is very positive.

I've totally there have been yeah a bunch of times Where I've written a lot so I know it's totally yeah, I'm totally yeah, you don't think it'll be positive It'll be great because how long have you been doing comedy now? I would totally say 11 years, but I would say not 11 years like really grinding So I'm the first time probably up so I mean you've got to have a Bank of at least what what would you say is like the amount of material that you if somebody asked you to like headline a show right now? You would you be like absolutely let's do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah exactly so you have you know somewhere between 45 minutes and an hour right?

I totally think that would be yes So you you you have time to pick and choose you know those minutes like each week that you want to do if you don't listen to kill Tony definitely check it out what we're talking about every week meetings are drawn out of a bucket and Randomly selected to perform one minute of material in front of a panel of comedians and cast of characters and William is the news regular That show so every week is gonna be having to perform a brand new minute So with that all being said like you have a bit of a cushion Which is a little bit I think of you know, I mean I totally I've recently been going back in my notebooks and stuff trying to come Yeah, there's totally stuff there. I also think it'll be positive just trying to come up with totally new stuff because I mean Yeah, stuff I wrote Ten years ago or something. I would not necessarily oh, yeah, not any sort of not meaning that any kind of way But just generally speaking no there's there's nothing necessarily just say the stuff old joke books or old setlist or whatever I'm like I see where I was maybe going but yeah, yeah, yeah, it's when you need a Miller high life Are they still oh great? They're still here Miller?

Just whenever I thought they freaking left I didn't even see where they I know Mike just freaking where did he come from? Frick did you just go hey Mike Mike where are Mike quit hiding up Mike Mike Mike get hey get out of my Fudge dude Mike that's enough dude Mike get out Mike Mike Mike seriously. We're trying to do a show here So don't do that. That's enough man get that out of here today What oh that's not a stocking stuff come on your trousers man Did you know that he did stuff like that he's performing with two women he can't be doing that stuff?

Well, he did it. He said Janison. He did it last week in Chili's when you were all eating dinner together. Yeah.

Yeah No, do you have to take them out to eat or do they pick up the tab or I has to take them out to eat I'm running out of money. Yeah, this is shit I'm gonna start paying a little bit more if you're gonna take off Chili's money to be sponsored by them That's a lot of your beer. Yeah, I have to buy the beer I have to hang out with Mike and Patricia and Miller light is a hell of a beer though. So I'm willing to do it What did you say?

Did you say Miller light? Stop mistake. Oh no Mike Oh Mike come on you know that was a mistake you have made a capital offense William Mike please stop. It was a mistake.

You said Miller light not Miller high life Like I'm trying to watch my caloric intake. I'm I've been I mean a bunch of windies now I need I don't need the full amount of calories and more high life, but come on Mike. Oh, yeah No, this Patricia up in this piece right here. Okay, how dare you?

Kind of Miller like you clearly is held ring on me that high life on German. I want is right now Patricia stop I oh my gosh. I went to the doctor the other day. I fly cholesterol.

I can't keep drinking Miller high life I don't care that you said it because you made a capital thesis Mike just said you named a different brand within the brain That brand is not represent William Montgomery now do they? It was an honest mistake. It's close to Christmas. I'm just trying to have oh man.

It was a bad mistake. Yeah was a bad mistake Diplorable deplorable is the word that comes to my William That's what the word is deplorable Alright, I think you guys need to give William a little bit of yeah, come on y'all didn't mean to say it clearly there's a mistake I mean I'm three Miller high life son. I mean come on. Are they multiplying right now?

There's six of them now William wait hold on a minute. Are they shapeshifters of people wait there a minute? Oh You get them out of my apartment there's 18 of them now they're very threatening Please you get out of here Maybe if you do a solid plug of the product then maybe just maybe they'll get back on board y'all come on You know I have been drinking Miller high life now for 20 years I'm your first and foremost spokesperson you trust when somebody is out there representing Miller high life You know I make mistakes sometimes Sometimes I call things the different names my apologies. I don't mean to just please let it slide I'm trying to have fun here tonight y'all are Bringing all this up.

I cannot believe that it's close to Christmas I'm gonna have to get a trim and a haircut soon I'm gonna and I can't believe it and this is the first time I've been at Jeremiah's place and all y'all show up here I mean, what's Jeremiah gonna think first time I ever come up to his place all these people are here What's he gonna think? It's a nightmare? All right, I'll do it's all right I think we're okay. I'll disappear as soon as she man All right, they all that's strange I'm back in a one-person turn into an orb of light and then disappeared out my front door.

It's just like a poltergeist Yeah, that's very strange. Yeah, are you okay? I am that really threw me off. Yeah, me too I never see in here in that really through it really shook the energy of the podcast really done You could feel the tension you and your apology and your looks out to the people yeah, I mean I couldn't believe it It's horrible.

I want to get into this next segment. Yeah, it's called fanning out I've got some interesting questions for William Montgomery. I reached out to some people on Guess what reddit this time Oh, no, I really did. Oh no, I really did.

I'm some haters on reddit and they reached right back and Got some pretty good questions if you could ask William Montgomery any question. What would it be? first question is from YPGMS reddit user is your favorite movie LaBamba or Jimungee? I would have to say Jimungee LaBamba that was a horrible I felt really bad about that episode.

I didn't feel good about that about what my gosh where I That was when you were not in town. I don't you weren't there. I wasn't there on that Monday. Oh, it's when you um you played One of the Mexican characters.

Yeah, right talking about LaBamba You know sort of fucked up and I was just talking about LaBamba. It was bad. It was so bad and now Yeah, what was now? What was that like?

This is just a question for you since you have been doing the minutes What was it like for you to be on the other side with the band that's scaring within character? That scared me I feel like it was not it's so impressive what you'll do. It's so impressed truly. I'm so impressed by it It's very funny and that's a very great skill, but yeah, like I totally would Joel asked me I was like, okay, cuz obviously I'm not gonna say no How the hell is this gonna get like I some general ideas and then I was sort of drinking some and it just sort of Whitney Cummings was a guess that night.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Nice.

Yeah. I didn't feel great about it at all and then I was People are talking shit on AOL. I don't know if you still get on those chat rooms Man web slinger 4 3 7 8 my username Pat 106 Pat 106 That one is six at a old I go on continents. It's great.

No very strong handle This is an interesting question feel free to turn this yuh-uh want to talk about it at Palana on reddit Please ask him about the large scar on the back of his right thigh I'm really curious about the actual story of how he got it. Thanks. I used to when I Growing up. I used to go to Destin, Florida or cousins green father had a place down there.

So we'd go down there and I Would boogie board some and one piece of boogie board with my dad Oh, it's so much fun and actually in Florida Destin was one of places that we went as well as Panama City on this road trip Yeah, PCB PCB bro hold on on a side note I was in a fraternity in college and freshman year we went down to PCB and I saved my buddy Ryan Long's life What's your both and some random girls room? I remember eating turkey out of her refrigerator and Ryan long I'm looking for both eating it. I fucked up. I'd imagine eating this turkey one second Ryan's alright the next second He has this look of horror in his face.

I like starts to grab his neck I just went up behind him as hard as I could did the hind leg So this episode is dedicated to Ryan like whenever I would see him when we were still in Oxford I'd always be like hey remember what happened remember that time. Yeah, I saved your life You think he's indebted to you for forever? I would like to think so. He does not reach out when I text him now He's actually calling into the show really is he really this is very awkward.

Whoa. I see already Do you want to uh do you want to take that call are you willing to take that phone? Yeah? Hello, is this Williams?

Uh, is this Williams buddy was it Ryan? I think it's hard to read on my call ID. You really you're really quiet. Speak up speak up.

I'm curious more what like now that I have you on the line I'm more curious what kind of fraternity brother was William? I don't know if I picked up on the mic or the phone call or not Is was there a demon held cat from from the depths of the ball rock that was just growling into your phone receiver? Well, you did cheat death So it's probably always on on your heels. So it's probably every time you open your mouth a little bit.

It comes out, you know Now now that I've got you on the line Uh, was there any like hazing that that William did you or that you were hazed to get into this fraternity? Or could you explain some of the hazing that went on? I'd love to hear about it How we could you describe that for our listeners of the show that don't know what how we guess so Now was it worth getting into the fraternity after you did that or was it not even worth it anymore? I wasn't excited after I got yeah So you're kind of actually calling into maybe even say the you're upset that William saved your life because you wanted to end it that night Wow, you're in a better place now though, right?

Are you cold or are you crying? This sounds you're very sad. It doesn't sound your cold sounds exactly like somebody who is very depressed and very sad about their life choices You can't Get away from your children Your wife is that what you're saying? We lost the call we lost we lost the call.

I don't know what happened here, buddy Ryan I think did you just hear that he passed he passed out from maniacally laughing Are you still friends with that guy yeah, we're best friends. Did you hear him? He sounded sad he sounded really sad and you know it's so funny You guys are still friends like he probably just like you is unaware what a podcast is So he thought it was probably a private conversation that we were having but it's actually going out to thousands of people I know it sounds like he just didn't know what it had a full-on breakdown That was it was scary to hear and it's also sad It was sad to what sad to hear just Ryan losing it like I mean I thought he was cold for a second He had me full but then I was like no those are cold tears that are rolling down that face those sniffles He was also it seems like I think he was drinking a lot he was holding back a lot of burps in that Anyway, we got some more interesting questions Oh This is interesting now William on the last episode of Kill Tony called out a user on YouTube for making some mean comments about him and At store bought underscore burgers asks. Why do you think crackle crack?

Why do you think cracker barrel boy 55 does what he does? Why do you think why do you think he writes those mean things huh? I don't know I think he probably He probably is at just first and foremost at cracker barrel some just eating off the menu having fun But at the end of the day see it's a bunch of old people around him He's probably going after something but he just finds himself at cracker barrel at the end of every day Eat a good meal, but see you know what you're old people around just thinking. Oh my god is this my future then he gets online He sees me and he thinks Who is who is this piece of shit?

I'm gonna go after him? I'm gonna go after him on YouTube. I'm gonna go after it. I promise he somehow found My parents phone number shut up.

Yeah, are you serious? No? I'm kidding You know this thing happened recently what which I did not respond to it somebody texted me text Did you what did they text you they texted me something along the lines of is this Jeremiah Watkins did you respond? I did I was like yes And go they just put big fan.

I was like how did you get this number and he goes? I'm an IT specialist and I that and I seriously I seriously got that recently and I was like I don't know like whether to Engage with this is very talking longer. No, I didn't know how to respond. I didn't I was like whoa Yeah, it's it's insinuating maybe that somebody can get some ice info or something.

Yeah. Yeah, so I was like okay Well, I hope you enjoyed Jeremiah wonders. That's about I don't know it was strange It was like one of the weirder things that this happened like it's weird. Yeah, it's bizarre.

It's like crazy. It's very cryptic. You know That is scary. Are you Jeremiah Watkins?

Yes, now you got me you want to ask any more questions Hey, what's up? What's red is the redest red in the Pepsi and the moonlight trees? It is probably like half a pound I used to do the all this Apple business at Johnny Apple seed was our I was running this company actually I was thinking about doing it on a shark tink but But it didn't work out but basically I was making this this high-grade apple sauce and yeah talking about the red stuff is probably half a pound of apples pink lady Next question an unhelpful vice on reddit how big of an influence was Jim Carrey in the mask Just like that question like it's so direct like how big of an influence was that movie on you? Did you like that movie Jim Carrey in the I saw it?

I remember having a toy or two of Masked but not one of your favorite Jim Carrey movies wasn't no no no. Yeah, you got a little uh, yeah Yeah, I wear these to work every day. I can't wear these tomorrow. I'll give you some for breeze I think you'll be right his rain Is it do you have any like a southern saying like that like that?

You can think of that your mom or dad's like is my dad has like a bunch because he's originally from Mississippi Yeah, it's got a bunch of those southern kind of like colloquialisms. Do you can do you have any of those? Let me try to think either has to be some Like my dad one of them my dad says like shaking like a hound dog crap peach seeds Shaking like a hound dog what crap and peach seeds. Oh nice.

Yeah Yeah, yeah classy folk classy folk. I'm trying to think of something all right Uh somebody married with kid 69. Where's my daughter? You're not gonna find her perfect.

I love Please William come to helium and Philly March 21st for kyotoni and also where's some of your favorite comedians? Where's helium? This one's in Philadelphia. I think they're referring to that one.

Is it a comedy club? Yeah, they've got one in Philly They've got one in Portland. It's a really good club. It's cool.

Yeah, it's fun. Good times. It's fun. Good times.

I'd say totally my two favorite comics Andy Kaufman, I think he's wonderful. Did you see Jim and Andy? I did. Yeah, did you like it?

Yeah? So remember crying at the end of me and in the moon. Oh, yeah, I cried. It's just such a downer.

Oh my gosh It is I am I you got a dive into this thing? I know that's how it went down, but yeah, yeah He's make the movie wait a little bit earlier than that, huh? Yeah, what are y'all thinking on like get it together producers of all evening? Why do you end up the movie on that?

Why do you have to end on real life events? Why can't we end in rainbows in heaven? Yeah, come on. Stop seriously.

I like him and Zach Alifianakis. I love he's great. I was thinking I remember I remember back at the frat house I'm Mac Burgess. God rest his soul.

He actually is dead. It's sad, but I Was in his room and we were watching the live at the purple onion thing and I was just so attracted I just thought it was so wonderful. That's what I've been favorite. Oh my god.

It just hearing like his joke Did you see that movie on lifetime about that lady? That's just so wonderful. I mean you realize you can just say sentence like it doesn't have to be like a setup and punch light Just a sentence. Yeah, just a well-crafted sentence.

I like how Sometimes you do this this joke structure where you'll kind of say the punch line first It's like a backwards riddle and I really like that. I really like that somebody was asking about actually well Thank you for saying that. No, of course Somebody's asking at puff the tragic wagon Writing versus riffing. Can you talk about your process and how you develop material?

I Feel like generally speaking. I will try to make notes at times and then spend a day or two or what have you? Looking at the little notes and trying to flesh them out I remember when I went to graduate school for a little while I got prescribed Adderall and I remember one day I Smoked a little dope Don't repeat any of this Don't repeat any of this but I realized if I took that Adderall and I smoke a little wheat Oh my gosh, it was game on I was sitting on the library machine. Oh my gosh.

It was game on It was game on which is also a little scary because it's bad You don't need to be thinking you have to do that to write right sort of a double-edged sword Yeah, unless it's game on unless it's game on unless it's game on then it's game on and you gotta do what you got to do You got to write a thousand jokes and twenty minutes Oh, we know I don't think we ever answered because we started talking about the different stuff. What was the story behind? The scar on the back here thigh. Yeah, so I was Just boogie boarding out there.

I Felt a tug on my swim trunks. I turn around. I see this big shark it ends up taking a big bite out of my Hamstring and it was one of the first documented cases of a person dying in the hospital from loss of blood going to the other side coming back I Go to the other side finish it finish it. You're one of the first documented people to go to the other side go to the other side come back Document what happened it was a wild ride.

I mean I I Yeah, it went black but yeah, it's really exciting Hold on I'm dead Where am I? Do you believe in in the afterlife? It's kind of a choose your own adventure at this point because you did boy This my grandmother around here anywhere She was shout out to be Vance quite frankly. Hi, it's me bevence very wonderful grandmother rest herself We both don't like your beard.

I know I'm gonna have to do something thinking either fantastic Sam's or Supercuts Nice Great clip right about that. I've yet to go but I've heard Put like a hot towel around her neck a towel for a but that's an extra 30. Oh Actually, they don't offer that is very cheap They take my hair blue once William. Oh god.

How did that go over? I like your grandmother who's passed away calling into the show. I don't feel it's appropriate for me to conduct that high way of Communication anymore. It can be dangerous.

It can be dangerous because she almost convinced you to stay on the other side And we need you here on this side William. I almost ate at jig-toll 2 asks how many dicks have you seen in person? That's gonna be a hard one. I remember going with my father or not intended It's gonna be a hard one How many dicks have you seen your time?

It's gonna be a hard one. It's gonna be a hard one Seeing one hard one and it is this hogs right here. I call I call it the hog and I call this guy the bounty hunter Yeah, it's a strange relationship. I have with my body.

Yep, actually, you know I'm in an abusive relationship right now with my penis and seriously my hand. Yeah, very abusive is it all right? I mean It's been a it's been a rut of a relationship for a while, you know You're these what are acid reflux or whatever it is that's don't say acid reflux. Do you think it's acid reflux?

Like he doesn't care about anything else. He's like oh no, he said he asked it. Do you think it is acid refi hope it's not? Well, I take the syntax 75 so yeah, right.

Yeah, what happened to the syntax 74. Oh, yeah That's about that, huh? I don't know. I think someone Tom's I think Tom's sort of the same Oh, yeah, probably it's like Zantax 75 is like the porno of drug medications Because you've never seen the ones that come before that yup, it's always like slut moms 9 Did you see the first date?

Did you see the first 74 Zantax? Are we riffing jokes right now? I don't know am I running a bed on William? I could be I just ripped it.

We'll see next question I've seen seen doggy style 7 doggy style 7 no it was cool. It was I Reviews point us. Yeah, it was alright. I really like the actor and actress in a okay My review of this porno movie is two cocks way up now Now about the lighting now about the lighting that's a whole different debacle that I don't even want to get into right now Did you see stepsisters 33?

Oh boy two lymphones way down? Yeah, why was Catherine Zeta Jones in that? You know, I was Catherine Zeta Bates her mother She married Catherine Zeta Jones and took her name. I know it's weird.

How stuff like yeah I don't get it taking names. Yeah taking names kicking a would you ever marry a woman and take her name? Yeah, that beta. Yeah, I would be that beta.

Yeah. Yeah Decising up Very much very interesting. All right, we're gonna do one or two more questions Somebody just at pumpkin head underscore Jones just really wants us for an hour to talk about PCP I'm a big fan of the drug bigger fan of the person Big fan of the drug your chippie-pea what? Accidentally twice accidentally twice accidentally twice Please please tell well, I was down in Panama City Beach.

I was saying all come back to Florida times. Yeah, it does Okay, sorry, I mean to judge you. Yeah, sorry. I don't get upset with man.

I'm just man You don't have to be perturbed. Oh man. I was hanging out with Ryan long as right after I see his life Ryan again Yeah, I was right after I see this life very specific moment slice of pie moment in your life that we've been talking about but I like it Yeah, I mean it was we were celebrating I was like oh my god I saved her life and he was like oh my god. I can't you're celebrating with more more food with yeah I'm more on every show and then you're like a I have a lemon meringue pie in the freezer Yeah, and then there was a joint looking cigarette and we smoked it and We ended up on the beaches of Panama City getting in fights with people Really wrecking people out there.

We were throwing down throwing down dragging them out in the ocean when they were sort of still knocked out And I don't just oh man, but yeah, it was fun. Did they die? Mmm So anyway, yeah, I don't see that something I don't like thinking about that something people you've killed that's something That's not fun to go down memory lane is to think of all the bodies you put in the ocean just all the bodies Oh, man, so many just taking lives. Yeah, I mean it's taking lives and taking their wives.

Yeah. Yeah This is just one of those talk shows where there's there's a lull in the show and then and then I just look at you for a moment and be like Next question It's uh, this is my impression of a late night talk show host who doesn't know how to keep momentum going So uh your mom's other friend on reddit asked William. Who's your first celebrity crush? Oh?

Probably Catherine's Ada Jones. Yeah And that's or no I don't know movie that was a lie one of mine was Mandy Moore. Oh seriously She's a good singer Mandy Moore. She's a hell of a singer.

She's a triple threat and I don't know what the second one is But he's a triple I just know she is she can act she can sing and the third one is for us to decide I don't know what the third skill is, but I know that she believes something. I don't know about the boys That sounds like a summer movie that never came out. She plays hockey with the boys But the boys don't know is she's a full blown woman Welcome to mighty ducks three Estrogen yeah, that's oh man. I really messed up I was just thinking I was hearing hockey many more so you mighty ducks and then in my mind I was thinking hold on how many do they do yeah?

They did no they did do three. I'd have to be for the fourth. Yeah. Yeah Have you seen the guy who played Goldberg in that now?