I'll be there, I'll be there, I'll be there, I'll be there, just got my name, and I'll be there. I'll be there by the Jackson 5. Just look up your show, honey. That's a feel-good song, you know?
Somebody's gonna be there for you. Your boy Jeremiah Watkins is here for you right now on Jeremiah Wonders. How's your week? Hopefully, you had a good week.
Maybe you're going through something. I don't know. Maybe you need a little uplifting. Something to improve your spirit, improve your mood.
Well, guess what? You've come to the right show. We're gonna have fun today because Jeff Dye is my guest, a very funny stand-up comedian. He's a TV personality, he's a fellow podcaster, a friend.
You may have seen him on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, Last Comic Standing, or NBC's Better Late Than Ever with Willing Shatter, Henry Winkler, George Foreman, and Terry Bradshaw. Woo, excited guys, and you should be as well. We're gonna kick this week in the butt, get it off to a good start. So let's get into the kindness challenge.
What is the kindness challenge? If you don't know what it is, every week I ask you guys the listener to do something out of the kindness of your heart for maybe somebody that you know could be a stranger even, could be something big, it could be something little. It doesn't matter as long as something nice that you're contributing to society in a positive manner. So I got a kindness challenge letter from a guy named Nader this week.
He emailed JeremiahWonders at gmail.com. You can do the same thing, get your kindness challenge letter potentially read on the show. I don't know what this guy looks like, I don't know what he sounds like, so I start to wonder what if I read the letter and the voice that I think that he could sound like. While I read the letter, you're gonna hear a song called Fresh Air by Wayne John Bradley.
Hey man, big fan of the podcast and I've been listening for a while to the show. I'm from a small town in central Illinois, so I know it's like to be stranded in the middle of nowhere. Anytime I see someone on the side of the road, I always try and stop to help out. So two weeks ago when a polar vortex hit the Midwest, I was on the way to work.
When I saw a lady with a flat tire on the side of the road, I pulled off to a side and then asked her she needed help. I jacked the car off the ground, but then when I asked her for a lug wrench, she couldn't find it. I then drove the rest of the way to work, grabbed my tools, returned and started to lose the lug nuts, which another guy came to give me gloves as it was negative 20 degrees out. I think I'm tremendously as my hands were killing me.
We finished up the tire and she was on a way. Then the other day on my breath, I was driving when I saw a car stop right in the middle of the road. People were hogging and speeding around. This lady, I stopped behind her to make sure she was alright and she was just out of gas.
Once the gas station bought a gas can, filled it up, returned back to her, walked on the busy road, filled it up and she was on a way. Sorry for the long email. I'm watching Kiltonys I typed this out. For gods, nada.
Man, that's super cool. Double kindness challenge and in the cold weather. Dude, thank you man for sending in that awesome letter to the show. That's amazing.
See, it can be something small or big. You did a couple pretty awesome nice big things. That's not many people will pull over for other people and do that good Samaritan deed like you did yourself. So shout out to you my friend.
Keep sending in those letters guys. I love reading them on the show and I get so much positive feedback from people. Whenever I read them, they really like that segment on the intro of the show. I did something with my wife today that was just fun.
We went to this mattress store. We were just like, you ever do window shopping where you're like, I can't afford this, but it's just fun to pretend. So we went to this mattress store and we're looking at all these crazy expensive mattress. Did you know that mattress?
They can give you up to like $4,000. It's insane. The cheapest ones were bare minimum, like a grand. I was like, no thank you.
Anyway, so we're lying on beds and we meet this nice sales guy named Marcus. He's trying to get us, he's selling us. He's trying to get us signed up for financing, all this stuff. He's like, all right, dude, we got to go grocery shopping, but we appreciate the help.
He's like, all right, well, you better bring it back in orange from the grocery store. He's like, I'm just not trying to pressure you. But we went our way. So while we're at the grocery store, we're like, we got to get Marcus in orange.
He's a nice guy. We knew he was joking, but we brought him back in orange and I could tell that it just brightened his day. It was just something fun and silly that my wife and I did, but it was something that was like, we brought this guy an extra smile. Did we bring him the paycheck that he wanted from the sale of a mattress?
Absolutely not, but a little orange can go a long way. There you go. That's what I tried to do. Something silly and fun and kind this week.
We got to go to the speed-wheat Bronx, corn pizza, menshey music and our newest sponsor, caveman coffee. Check them out, man. Man, this podcast is getting sponsored up like a freaking NASCAR dog. Man, we got the speed-wheat, a sticky-achee from Gino as speed-wheat on Twitter.
We got to have Bronx, more pizza if you want to move to get to that pizza down your throat. Maybe you smoke a little bit. You got those munchies head over to Bend, Oregon Bronx, more pizza or you can go to Santa Monica and get that gray block pizza hidden. They sponsor Theo Vons podcast, or maybe you're on the East Coast.
Menshey music, go get an instrument for a little kid or a grandpa that's wanting to retain his memory. Then if you want to wake up early in the morning, caveman coffee, they've got those nitros that has been appeared on and featured on Joe Rogan. That's right, coffee, weed, pizza and music are the sponsors of this show right now at Caveman Coffee Co. at Bronx Born Pizza at Speedweed, Menshey Music, David Knowles and Seth Miller, Hook Me Up With At Sweet Sex.
Yeah. I appreciate it, guys. Thank you very much. If you're a company that would like to sponsor a show, email geremyewanders at geremyewanders.com.
If you can't do that, guys, support the show over at geremyewanders.com. There is a PayPal donation button that you can donate to. Any amount is appreciated. I want to thank Akim Fegars, Lee Harel, and I want to thank Mikey Adams as well.
The last few weeks I haven't been going over it, but they made some donations to the show. I really appreciate Mikey Adams just bought a music stand for me so I could not read sheet music off the floor for Kill Tony. You'll notice that I was doing that for some episodes, so I appreciate that super kind gesture. If you can't donate to the PayPal, go over to iTunes.
Leave me a five-star rating and review that podcast. Jeremiah Wanders, that's right. Tell some friends about it. We're at 394 reviews now.
I keep plugging this on the show. I really appreciate it. We're at over 500 reviews in the next couple months. We're doing it and I appreciate it's growing.
We're making things happen with this podcast together. We're getting that positivity and kind of spreading that net over people. That's right. Are there too many announcements on the intro of the show?
Sometimes, maybe. Am I trying to make it more fun? So it's just not a block of announcements? Yes, I am.
I'm conscious of this, guys. I'm aware that sometimes it's a bit much, but I appreciate you hanging in there with me. I appreciate it, guys. All right on a serious note.
Well the tour is coming up. And by the tour, it's the ongoing shows that are going on. I'm going to read very quickly some very important shows that are coming up in my life that I want you guys to be at. If they're in your area, you're going to read them very quickly.
I'm headlining in Kansas City March 14th through 16th. Get tickets to that ASAP. I'm bringing my boy, Patty Reagan to feature Stand Up on the Spot. Dates coming up in March and April, March 12th, 26th, April 9th, 23rd.
Every other week, you got to come check out my baby. Stand up on the spot. Sunday, March 24th, Reagan, Watkins, or the satellite LA. I'm also going to be in Philadelphia, Ventura, Upper State, New York, Austin.
I'm headlining the Huntington Beach Rec Room on Thursday, April 4th. And my buddy, Mike Menendez is featuring for me. Thank you so much to Gates' Theorena for editing the audio and video of this podcast. If you haven't checked out the YouTube page, you got to check out the videos.
He's adding some special effects, little different video stuff. And I hope you like the Instagram highlights that we've been posting and the different YouTube clips. We got through it, guys. We're here with Jeff Dye.
I can't wait for you guys to listen. His sax talk is gross. You know how it goes? Gross sax talks.
He's like, oh, he's dirty sometimes. He's like dirty sometimes. He's like, oh, I don't know. What?
I don't know. Let's have some fun. Without further ado, it's Jeff Dye on Jeremiah Wonders. Yeah, I had a teacher at Second City that was like, what's it like to have all those laughs going into you and just like you killing with stand-up.
And this was before, now I remember this because I've contacted. It was before I had ever killed myself. It's great. It's wild.
Yeah, it's like no other feeling. And I was just BS my way through that answer. And then I ended up killing years later, doing a great job. And I was like, oh, that's what that teacher was asking about.
But you did answer it right. Because you were like, oh, this is unlike any other feeling. I guess I answered it right, but I was guessing at the time. Yeah.
It's like yes, ending because improvising the right answer out of his leg. OK, here we go. How you feeling dude? I feel good.
We're inside. So excited. Yeah, you got a good vibe. And then you got cool stuff here.
I want one of these from my house. Are they hard to set up? Yes. Well, to get the presets where you want them and stuff like that, but they are fun to play with.
Yeah, do you and your wife ever just sit here and prank call people? No, but I mean, we get all day. I mean, that's where I'm at maturity wise. You just prank calls on the red.
Honey, you want to just prank call tonight and order in? Get some post mates. And she's like, no, I'm a grown woman. But let's do it.
Let's totally let's get some pizza. Let's just make some prank phone calls right now. Why would my wife sound like that? That was what your wife sounds like, dude.
It's really unfair. No, no, I'm just like, I'm a fully, fully figured cow. This is Rebecca. OK, yeah, this is, yeah, I'm Rebecca.
I'm Jeff Dye's wife. Yeah, totally. That is phenomenal. Yeah.
How many presets are there? How many voices? I mean, there's there's like a couple hundred like different. It also like they they're singing filters and stuff like that too.
So I worked with a comedian. He was called him. He was the man of a thousand voices. And I always wanted to be like, I think that number is off.
That's dude. A thousand is such a high number. This doesn't even have. No, that doesn't have a thousand.
And it's a machine. And it's a robot. It's what it's designed to do. I always would get mad when like my phone GPS, it was like in that gray area of technology where the phone GPS was worse than like the little Tom Tom in the car or whatever.
I'm like, come on, you're supposed to be a smartphone. And the Tom Tom's like, this is my one jab, bro. I can, I'm an expert at this. Yeah.
This is my one thing. I'm not trying to showboat or anything. I'm just getting you to your destination. I'm just getting you to your destination.
No, my phone's trying to be everything. How? That's rude. Did you have that in your car?
Yeah. And I, you know how dumb I am. This is when I, like, I had no money. I was like living in that car.
One night while I'm sleeping in the back seat, the window breaks, the front window breaks, and then someone stole the, like, it was, I think it was a car. I had a garment. I had a garment because I was at the right Costco. Give it, give it, give it, give it.
But how dumb am I to leave that in the window on the suction cup? Yeah. It's really bad. I, I thought I was going to get murdered.
I don't think the guy was expecting to see a man back there. That's kind of like leaving your iPhone and your cup holder now. Yeah, what are you doing? Exactly.
I agree. I don't think I've ever had anything stolen out of my car. I had my wife's window for whatever reason. I don't understand this with people whenever they bash windows in and don't take anything.
Maybe they just looked around like, maybe that's what it is. She's nothing good in here. They didn't take my Starbucks mug. You're like, he probably doesn't.
He's a criminal, looking for money, drugs. Yeah. I don't know why he's gone. Just like, maybe they saw, like, a gym bag and they were like, oh there's probably something good in there.
No, actually I shouldn't prejudge the criminals. Maybe they're maybe they're more sophisticated people than that But I presume they want drugs and money and that's I'm quite a presumption I think you know, it's very interesting. We have a sophisticated criminal calling to the show Oh, right now. This always happens.
Hello. Yes. This is Jeffrey. Yeah.
Yeah, what's your name? Oh? Clarence nice to thanks for calling in. It's Gerald.
Yes. Yeah, what can we do for you guys? I'm calling on behalf of all of my criminal friends and employees and employers around me I'm quite offended that you think that we just want drugs and money or whatever was stealing from I also said guns You might want guns or drugs or money. I find that I find you reprehensible stealing stuff.
What do you like? I guess you are more complicated creature than I thought We like many things. We like fine jewelry. We're like shoes if you would have left You know, you have some nice shoes I've you would have left those in your car.
We would go to perhaps to window those and also we like affidavit's we like birth certificates We like you know paintings, you know painting to leave paintings in cars Well, you know, you never know sometimes you know, I saw a pocket rim brand to the back Oh, well, he did you 2005 bug once and I said that's mine. Yeah, clench. We learned a lot today Yes, I shouldn't be judging criminals. You shouldn't be judging criminals I think I think you're better than this.
I think you're better than stealing from car What do you think the life I should lead should look like I think you should earn your own stuff You seem very sophisticated and complex and open-minded, but then you're just grabbing people's cars stealing shoes I mean, we also sometimes steal air fresheners. Oh, wow. Yes, you never know But you know nice closet inside your home might need a sprucing up you should swing by Hollywood and break into Jeremiah Watkins Wife's car. I feel like you would appreciate the things she has unlike one of your criminal buddies He just left didn't take nothing.
No air fresheners are not you don't tell him to steal my wife's car I'm trying to open my mind. I You better not say where I live with it. He lives on wet with it to 17 Tell all your paths. I will I can stand up for myself.
I will talk to you gentlemen later. I've learned a lot Thanks. Thanks for your call. Wow Clarence the sophisticated Criminal yeah, what a what an elaborate bean.
Yeah, I don't like them. I don't think I like that Yeah, yeah, yeah, Robin cars and then getting offended. Yeah, man I'm not mad at a snowflake criminals Yeah, what kind of a douche do you have to be to get mad after somebody calls you out for stealing stuff? Have you so one time someone broke in my car that took my backpack and had a laptop and all this great stuff in it Like not great stuff but stuff they could easily sell really quickly But you know things that have that not sentimental value.
I have some monetary value You just grab your backpack took me back to great school back back back to great stuff anyway, never mind It was a tummy even the backpack alone was worth money Yeah, but if they just threw everything outside, so I just wanted a little bit of sympathy from people sure I was like ah man this sucks like they broke my window and they took my bag everyone's first reaction was like why Did you leave your bag in your car? You like dude? It's so infuriating when you get that response when you're looking for sympathy or empathy Just go and that's too bad. That's not anything in the bag You know, it's not but they were just like why do you leave your back?
I was like because if there's been some theft in the locker rooms at the yoga studio and the yoga studio says hey Leadership in your cars because there's been some crime if I would have taken it in and they'd have stolen my locker people have been like Why don't you leave in your car? Yeah, it's just it's just such a plane. Yeah, it's very frustrating It's extremely frustrating and that's how Clarence always wins. He always that's where he got his stuff He probably stole from you dude.
Yeah, so that's probably like probably stole away I do have his laptop actually wait a minute. I need that He's a little bit. Yeah, I do believe he's better than stealing. Yeah, he's a little he's definitely endearing the listen to gotta go Gotta go bye Dude, I'm glad the year will come on the show.
I've been bugging you for a little a little bit. Yeah, we've had reschedule Yeah, we had it's good though. We both been out of town and stuff a lot So you've been traveling the world which I'm excited to see thanks It seems that you're going to have a huge huge pop very soon like a singularly So like what you did the Rose Battle stuff and you were like a huge thing on the only grow wave That we just called it. Yeah, I know it's went through some for TV per word watering down the wave Yeah, it's right watering down.
Yeah, definitely got TV watered down. Yeah, yeah, they have to yeah They gotta do it and then so that was huge and got to all these great opportunities because then and then now with Kill Tony Your huge part of that show like you're one of the main guys on that show I think it's gonna be something where something's going let's make him the face of this See yeah, I'm gonna happen. Oh, see Jeff jackpot. I put in the universe Jip drips did you play basketball?
No, no, I used to play that back in the first couple seasons Oh, yeah, yeah, and I do that's like I said weird thing is that I feel like I do look somewhat athletic people I bet he can play us or run or do cross country. I never did anything interesting. Yeah, I would actually assume that you have done some kind of Tall and lean people go. He probably thought no.
Yeah, I'm not good at any of it. But I like it all yeah They call it like oh we got big guy because that's my thing We're not in the league because we already had teams pre-range But let's say I go to a blacktop look on the road Yeah, and I'm just like yeah, if they're about to pick teams I won't shoot I won't whatever I'll wait till right before they're about to pick and then I'll kind of like just dribble down And then I like dunk it and then I always get picked they're like oh, we'll take the big guy Yeah, it's the best but then they don't realize till the game I'm not any good I can't shoot so you can dunk out. I can don't I'm 6 4 got monkey arms Look at these things really long arms. I'm 6 3 and I cannot dunk which means that I do not have hops Well, I have no hops if you watch me dunk my feet like this far off the course Just all long arms.
I feel like you'd be able to dunk if you figured it out the time long arms Yeah, it's weird and then long yeah, so it's like it's just like it's not a pretty dunk It's not like I'm hanging on the rim, but they just see a guy dunk and they go like yeah Yeah, we'll take a look at that and then I don't shoot or anything Yeah, I love yeah, I played not a ton of pickup games I would go to parks occasionally with some friends like that but I played in like high school and great school stuff like that and Did you ever wrestle or just a huge wrestling fan? I like yeah Well if they had that kind of wrestling at my school I would have definitely done that dude like a show with chairs and like a Again, and like a whole thing. I would love that that might be a million dollar idea Why aren't they teaching that in school like like yeah, there's regular high school wrestling But why can't there be a training program in high school for professional wrestling? Yeah, it's acting meets like it's a yeah, that's being like a Theater mixed with that could be your your theater and your sport credit.
It'd be amazing I think it's a good program I would take it and people would laugh and leave take it and then they'd go this actually They would have so much fun. I do. I mean out of a blast you get to create your character right who you want to be first Day of class. We just teach you the history of wrestling.
Yeah, so just so that you know that like hey, we know it's silly Yeah, it's a show like nobody reads Moby Dick and like oh god the will is like there's no wheels that are that big? No, it's fake. It's okay. Things are okay.
They're not real friends. Isn't real. You know that Seinfeld wasn't real these were So that's a thing wrestling once you acknowledge it. Oh, yeah, no one did tell me that life was gonna be this way I think anybody who just acknowledges.
Oh, okay as long as everyone is on the same page. Yeah, we all know this is Theater, it's like you know choreographed then you can enjoy it and they should teach it in school What kind of now would you would you go? Would you try to be a heel or would you try to be like a mainstream like hero? I'll try to be a good guy.
Yeah, I think it's harder It's harder to get back as easy just do all the fun bad stuff that you would never do a lot It's hard to come up with a good angle on being a good guy if that makes sense Yeah, well like that's why I was like kind of like John Cena in a way like even though he's not even like my top 100 favorite Wrestling I do respect him like look he's trying to be good. He's always doing the right thing I think that's something noble about that it's like Luke Skywalker Darth Vader He's our good guy Luke right not nearly a school. What's cooler being a big black robot that cuts the heads off anyone that talks trash And choked people yeah, it's so much cooler That's why it's hard to be Luke Skywalker because he looks like a boy and it's like you know he's fighting for nobility But like I do that's a virtue in life. We gotta be good We'll be right back up Dude you were a panelist on kiltoni recently did you have a good time on Yeah, I think I think the first time they'll be nothing like the first time if that makes sense Yeah, cuz you're just kind of like soaking it all in like this With you guys doing all the characters it was like I was laughing so hard I think we were fans like sound effects and stuff It was just a lot going on though if you want to watch that episode or listen to it you might recall the episode if you watch a lot of those it was me and Eric Griffin and The first three comics in a row were just so racist.
Oh, yeah, that was that up dude It was so uncomfortable to the point where we've never even had anything like that on the show in four years Then where it's like one you get one everyone's wrong. We're like alright dude Like that wasn't really funny like I get guess you get what you're going for but there's just there was not even that No, you're just like oh, you're just a bad person I think like or like at least this came from a really weird spot Yeah, like it was when Kanye was like first started wearing his like make America great again And one of the comics goes man, I don't know what Connie so mad about so much to give that monkey a banana I was like whoa, yeah, we can't just like I don't know what you're talking about Like why why would you even think that that's even a joke or that you could say that anyone over is time to do that joke? Yeah, yeah, the cat me out and then he said it and we're like you said that after he ran out of time like you got to get this And I need to get my really got to get this one man Oh, so bad I think and I think that's something that they kind of teach in school nowadays because he was Mexican So they I think he thought like I'm allowed to say anything I want right now It's still latent hate racism. Yeah, when you say something as awful as that.
It's still very rough Yeah, like racism is not exclusive to white people like but this guy just said it and then the next girl went up And she was from like I think she's Haitian and she was like talking about how like she she doesn't like black people because they tip bad Yeah, yeah, and it's happening great That is the show we're on Eric meanwhile. He's having a meltdown right? I was just like smiling and trying to be quiet. I thought this is gonna be good for my career Oh, yeah, so uncomfortable Which you have done a lot of cool different things like within your career like stand up You've done like a lot of hosting stuff and then even this recent show that you like can you tell me a little bit about the show?
You've done with William Shatter Terry Bradshaw. Yeah travel show Yeah, it's like a bucket list show and it's a reality show and it's a an adventure comedy series What they call it, but it's me Henry Winkler Terry Bradshaw George Foreman William Shatter and we just travel the world Which is like dude, it's you look at that that group and you're like how's that guy getting right? That's so cool. Really weird one thing I will say I've never said this before people go so they always go man You every day must be so like starstruck and here's the thing I love all those men I respect all those men I like but they're not my guys right if it was whole cogan kangrifee junior You know like like I'd be like can you believe the show I'm on every day I wake up and just be like I have a huge ego Yeah, because you're the posters of those guys and the penance and all that stuff.
Yeah video game Well, I was 55 when I was born. Yeah, literally he's 87 now George Foreman had already retired Terry Bradshaw had retired for a while for like 10 years by the time I like was born And then he was a broadcast there's an alternate timeline Jeff die out there that was cooking on a George Foreman girl watching Well, I think like 40 year olds 50 year olds those were there guys Yeah, and so I'm not that old and so I've got my own guys in the same way like if wherever the old guys like let's say We're 70 something years old or 80 years old and NBC's like hey You guys gonna be the old guys because you've had such great iconic comedy careers. Yeah, he's not gonna I wouldn't expect them to really don't care. Yeah, so I love all those guys And I knew they were before the show and I knew about their careers But they weren't like my favorite celebrities in the war.
Yeah, what are some of the cool places that you've gotten to go like on with that show? Well like Spain a lot. It was my first time in Europe over the weekend. Yeah, I'd never been I had a new candidate in Mexico of Europe just in general.
Yeah, like so nice to leave America It was cool. It was I felt like we did a couple like we did like very touristy things that I should like yeah And but it was it was great. Yeah, it was and to go with friends like that was and also comics on top of me So amazing. Yeah, do you drink?
I don't yeah? You're up drinking is pretty fun. Yeah Well, you know what's great about it is so we stopped at a ton of different bars in this Ireland like temple bar area And so we were basically bar hopping and what I got to enjoy is the live music that was going on and all these different Like there's like Irish folk bands and stuff. They're playing so I'm like just like loving feeling my vibe You know they're drinking so like it was perfect like everybody like found something and then we we played a ever played snooker before I know what snooker is but I don't like a smaller table.
It's like pool But like a smaller table first time Tony night played it's got the little pegs in the board inside or no No, it's like literally like miniature pool like it's smaller balls and like a slightly smaller table and yeah Just like different colors and it was cool. Yeah, and I played a bigger version in Thailand where it's like the pool It was like double the size really these red ball. It's like very hard. Oh, I've got a regular pool a little on that Yeah, and that's a called snooker.
It's just smaller pool. Yeah, I don't know what they're doing. I don't know what they're doing. Yeah What's what's Spain?
What did you like about Spain? Oh, so what was the thing that you're like? Oh, this is like one of my favorite I kept comparing it to Mexico. I can't be like it's just like Mexico But if you know anything about history like Spanish people really love that yeah, and so I'd like teach myself saying that But that's what I like I like anything reminds me Mexico I love Mexico's my favorite country in the world and then I go to Spain like oh, it's kind of like it I was like Asian Mexico like everything anything that's like sunny the people are nice the people don't have a lot But they're happy like that's like those kind of areas the only bad part about Spain is Everyone is so good looking that it's a little bit unnerving is intimidating whenever you're like approaching women at the bar or whatever Oh, there was no approaching women at the bar like we went to this club and they were like they're like all right So we're gonna have dinner at like midnight or 1230 and then about 1 30 is when the club opens I was like we're going we're starting the night.
Yeah at one thing. They're like yeah, man It's a that's how it works out here. It's not things work I was like alright So we're eating dinner and I guess they told us is the hottest club in all of Spain and it's because all the soccer players Spain's hottest club Well the thing is that is because all the soccer players party there So all the hottest girls in Spain are like oh, there's gonna be these athletes that are millionaires who are like celebrities who are handsome Where athletes I'm gonna go there so the hottest one I've ever seen in my life like probably 100 of the most beautiful one of ever seen in my life We're on the same night at the same place like I made a list they were all at this place and I was like Oh, this is crazy happening right amazing, right? And so we're like we're all happy and proud of ourselves and then all the guys came in Justice hot they were the hottest guys that I've ever seen in my life and me and my guys the table were like oh, they're gonna have such a long way Do we get a watch?
I was like what's going on? I was like, oh man, what's going on? I was like out of the back in the shadows ugly they were like oh man I should have been shoveling cool. They started spritzing you like a cat like I should have been shoveling cool for these people like and I'm not an ugly guy but to them I was like a monster Well, that's what I was gonna say is like for you to be like I do not feel like I belong here Like they gotta be pretty attractive Spanish Like perfect features like diamond everything is like a workout fitness video where they're pulling up just like beads of sweat No, I'm dancing all sexy and like I mean it was it was so much it was so psychologically devastating Did you try to dance like did you try to like get out on like like throw any moves or anything?
And some girls came up to us because we were in like a special area and the reason when the special areas because the guy They got us into that club was like, you know, these are Americans and they're on TV and they're you know They need to be treated special treatment, right? Yeah, and so that kind of helped us a little bit cuz girls were like I wonder why those Americans are in there in the loft area And if they ask and then someone's gonna go there on TV in America and their stars What does we live and and so then the girls would come up to us the girls spoke no English? So I was like how's it going and they're like oh like you know I spin you and we're like oh English and then they're like, oh, they're like just dance away So it's like we have like five interactions with high girls We're like five interactions We were like over five on all of them and even then it's like it's four o'clock in the morning. You're just now saying hi to someone What's gonna happen like you know, you're like money.
Yeah, we have money. Can I buy you things? I'm good at buying things Yeah, I can't wait to get to any English speaking place after that because I just like so Discouraged by Spain's beautiful people. Mm-hmm, but it's good to it was nice is really sunny and you know, we had a good time Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're a married guy though.
So it's it's different. Yeah, when you go to a place you're like, no, I'm good I'm just happy if they get me to go enjoy that if they've got food all enjoy that. Yeah, imagine you smoke It's a I don't actually oh you don't okay. Well, I thought you did so you just enjoy what you can and then you go home your happy life Yeah, that's so funny a lot of guys have like an expectation.
You know, like I enjoy you enjoy what you can watch this game joy You're happy you don't need all that shit. I think that's healthy that you don't need to drink to be happy Yeah, I support that in the mix. Yeah, you're happy. You're fine.
Just like doing my thing. Yeah, I like it We're though your look suggests that you do. Oh for sure to profile which you know what it's kind of interesting I'm starting to get a little over that the older that I get I'm starting to get a little bit like as much I like having long hair I'm thinking about changing my hairstyle just because like I also I audition a lot for slacker and stoner stuff I'm like this just like isn't like I don't mind acting but like it almost like this isn't me at all like it might be time to switch I don't know. Yeah, I think it is Unfortunately, we live in a world where people look at people and we put them into boxes.
Yeah, like in the box You're always gonna be put in is like I bet that guy parties or that guy smokes you that guy drink Yeah, and but you are a musician so fits that box. It does fit that box. So maybe not sex Just sex Well, I don't know what the hairstyle I don't know man. What does here's a fun question of where what hair are you thinking about if you're not gonna Keep that's a thing.
I don't really like I don't really know because you might cut your hair off and then go God I don't feel like myself at all. Yeah, you're so used to this being you're so I had this for a long time Yeah, it's a part of your identity. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, then I go through an identity crisis You consider why I thought when they cut my hair off like size definitely I was like shaggy hair Yeah, I don't see at all boy, you know, and then I get on TV and like hey We're gonna cut your hair and I'm okay.
It's gonna whatever you need. Yeah, I'm pretty I don't care that much about it and I didn't think I did and then they cut it off and everybody's like you know I was like the shaggy hair kitty cat t-shirt, you know happy go lucky slightly Jeff or daoist like ever Like oh Jeff's a pacifist he's harmless the second they cut my hair off and put me in like clothes that were like form fitting I heard douchebag like 30 times a day like I was like oh what it did not people that knew me right audience members like I was like I'm Not a douche I'm nice. I'm the kitty cat guy. Yeah guys.
I like professional wrestling I don't know why you're mad about it because people can't separate what people look like that's interesting Yeah, I mean that's why I guess it's important to stand up like whenever we go on stage like Usually you have to address how you look in some way Especially if you have like a look like you got to get that out of the way before you move on with the rest of your act Yeah, you and that's what makes all this gender stuff really interesting. Yeah is like it like we don't want to come to Just get up there and talk about one thing the whole time. Yeah, however We do need them to talk about it at least first Like I want to whether at all right now drop okay now now. Now we're good now.
I know okay perfect no more gender stuff I was I was doing some research on you online. Oh, yeah I found out this something that I actually didn't know about you You did the last comic standing back in the day. Yeah, tell me your place Okay, well tell me what that experience is like because I like what did you enjoy being a part of basically kind of like a reality Competition stand-up show yeah, I loved it and also like It changed my life forever. I went from living in a car to having a lot of money So what year was this 2008?
Okay, but also during that time period They would shoot a little bit and then you have like three months off and then shoot a little bit of it and then be like a month So and then they would go into like live who who were the class of comics that you did last comic standing with so it was Lewis Raimi Marcus Hardy and also it's not lost me that we had a very gimmicky year. It was all about the gimmick So they're like this is the first year we've ever let sketch groups in this is the first year We had international so when they do stuff like that that also means you've got to believe they're gonna leave spots So that the finalists what does that make sense of course you're so like now it's become what we've got We got to keep two British spots because we have all the British we can't put none of the British comedians in We need those viewers, right? Yeah, and so there was a lot of that where there was an Indian guy named Papa CJ I'm trying to think Sean Sean Cullen who I think's a genius you'd love that guy. You know, he is.
I don't know you'd love him He's so talented so fast reminds me a lot of you any musical musical guy. Thanks. That was another thing They're like oh we've got this music act and that's like it never before done before on last coming standing for a year And then they made us live in a house and it was like that was part was actually really exhausting because they would just film all day I like how that was like a like a big thing in the 2000s like early mid and even like later like before the last like five years Like we're gonna put them in a house and see what happens. Yeah, it was awful Like see how these different walks of life come together and see if they butt heads Yeah, why are you signing all this like don't worry about it?
Also, why would that be the thing never in the world are we gonna put ten people in a home? Why would they have to do you have a problem with this person? You have to live with them now enjoy your bunk bed Yeah, it's like huh? Yeah, and that's what it felt like it was like They're just literally trying to agitate us like the AC stopped working for like a week and you're like what a coincidence Yeah, yeah, we were getting along too well as that would happen It was irritable turns to eat.
I'm trying to remember oh They had a good argument for why they do that stuff there Argument was if people wanted to watch stand-up comedy They would just go to comedy central where at the time comedy was playing a lot of stand-up sure so like we're trying to do produce things That makes sense is different and you know still shine light on comedians. Yeah. Yeah, you've you ever thought about that? I mean you're at this point you too.
So I've been approached for America's Got Town about five times now Between either like my stand-up that they've been looking for like impressionists for multiple years and then I've got a Perch a couple times for for Pat Reagan I for my music I can write in a walk-ins We might do something not on America's Got Talent. I feel like that's not for me personally my path I'm still kind of I'm still trying to hold out to try on a sketch show because I feel like it can sometimes work against you if you Do something like like in America's Got Talent? But then then again who knows like most of us anywhere perfect example She did America's Got Talent and then like she ended up getting on us and a later and I definitely thought like that would work against somebody Yeah, going out for a sketch out. Yeah, they kind of forget sometimes so I might be overthinking it Maybe I should have just already done it by now, but it's true.
Yeah, I mean that's the approach I took it's like listen No one else is calling and I'm sleeping in the back of a car. Yeah, where does the pride come in like I'm just gonna do last Comic I'm gonna be myself and if anyone hates me because of that whatever and I noticed that it did leapfrog me into a lot of Opportunities I would have had to have done. Yeah, like I what I didn't really I skipped a lot of stuff And so for that part it was great, but I was doing it to live I was doing it to survive It's like I think what's better like having a bed or sleeping in a car. Yeah, this is going to Too bad.
Yeah, I went from like working for a few hundred dollars Maybe 500 bucks a weekend at like local stand-up common places in Seattle to literally getting to headline any comic club I want America and that alone was worth it to me. Yeah I'm happy to I like seeing my name on mark. He's going on I'm headlining this club that I've always wanted to say Oh, and the money lot better than $500. Yeah, and that's because last comic standing So I take the bed with a good sure people are gonna, you know talk shit about me call me corny like when the show was airing But yeah, it works out and you know everybody knows my past.
Are you wanting to be honest? No, it's insane that they haven't put you on that Right now where I'm out they say I look too similar to another cast member on the show so that was there Yeah, yeah, they what a way to say you're a white guy. Yeah, yeah, which is really what I have if I could tell you how many emails I have they're like, hey, man. We're not really looking for any white guys It's I've had like that email.
I never had that in my career and then in this last two years. I've had like 40 times Yes, yeah, we're an interesting press business right now. Yeah, it's strange to me There's a comedy always been a ton of white guys. Yeah now.
There's too many white guys. I see less white guys What are you talking about? Let's start a sitcom called too many white guys too many white guys? I can't even believe that someone would type that into an email.
Where are you at? We're gonna whites right now. Yeah, but they should just say no interest or you yeah, yeah better I would be happier with that answer than going. Oh, sorry.
We've got a lot of white guys. We're looking for less white guys It's a it's a hard one. Wow. What a interesting that's a very fascinating sentence to read But you know what you're a white guy who made it on the tonight show.
Yeah, yeah twice right right. Yeah, that's pretty cool man Yeah, I'm proud of that But you want to usually you go. Oh, look I did the touch. Oh, maybe I could complete here.
Mm. We got like it We got a comic club's even your family store twice. How do we get to email me that? Oh, wow.
Yeah, it's like I was like I'm just a little Response. I wasn't asking a past. Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of white guys there.
There's a lot of white guys. Yeah, I mean yeah I feel like that's there's a pretty much it any club in LA like you could get that answer for sure. Yeah, that's weird Yeah, it's a hard one though. It's a hard one to get yeah, just book whoever's funny cares.
That's how success works That's how hierarchies are you just book who's funny funny funny the cream rises You just say oh this person I watched the tape he she is he or she is very funny. That's it or both we don't know Yeah, whatever the 75,000 genders are if they're funny put them up. Yeah, that's what we need That's what's always interesting about like like a show like Kill Tony is getting introduced to like brand new people We're like where where did you come from like that sometimes they're like really good I mean you get both sides of it, but it's good when they're bad too. I like it watching.
Yeah, it's short I know it's like that's condensed that let's not stretch this whole thing up a minute we can handle for sure Yeah, I don't know I thought Tony. So I thought Tony's gonna be really mean, but he wasn't he's pretty nice to know I actually listen to some of Tony on on your podcast and yeah, I think that's a Something like a preconceived notion that they think about Tony's that he's going to be he's gonna Very good, but dude because he's the roast guy and he's also he looks like a comic book villain You know, he's like the demeanor and the look of like literally that's a box We would put him in a cast in something maniacal genius. Yeah, yeah, yeah if you were to draw a high school villain That's Tony. Yeah, yeah, but no you like people are always surprised at like whenever you meet in great after shows for just We can of his stand up then when we go on the road or kill Tony like how nice he is to fans It's great guy.
Yeah, really nice guy. I think that like one thing even the name has a gun like kill. Well, yeah, it's right away Yeah, so it's that triggers you like god. It's gonna be hard on me What he's just gonna judge my 30 second like that's all of those things seem like a nightmare And then you watch anything is really fun.
It's really great. He's pretty nice to them. Yeah, even when they suck He's very like all right. Let's talk about this, you know, I feel like if Daniel Tosh had the exact same show I mean It would it would be he would not hold back.
It might be it might be too cringy I would watch every second but I think yeah, not that that would be better It's just be a totally different version and that's what I was expecting I was expecting Tony to be like Daniel Tosh where he's just gonna go for the joke. Yeah. Yeah, and he doesn't Yeah, let's get his next segment fanning out. Oh, yeah Here we go First question that comes from on Instagram at noodles 140.
What was the first their birth name? I'm guessing not noodles was not not their birth name What was the first joke you ever told you remember like even if it's like a premise or whatever you offer stand up? Mm-hmm, so I remember I just watch this you go back to a street joke You're like oh, so well like fifth grad I'm like no Jeff. I meant in your stand-up.
Oh the first I just watch a movie white noise you see that White noise. I feel like I have I even have Michael Keaton or something It was like a horror film, but I don't know if it's my game But it's something like that I thought but basically the idea is that like he he's lost a loved one or for whatever reason He starts listening to static because a group of people tell him like if you listen to static long enough The other side can try to communicate. Yes through it. Yes.
It's a real phenomenon. It's not a real phenomenon But it's a thing that people believe in that is There's a community that does this so I watch this movie by the way How freaky would that be to just know somebody like you go over to their place and you walk in you're like what are you doing? Yeah, we're just trying to talk to Graham Graham Okay, well, I'll talk to you never again, bye Sounds like a thing hello Graham Graham this is your grand grand why do you talk so different now? Your voice is so different You Know it's you and not just some evil force pretending to be you That's what the premise was was that yeah the premise was like who like I think if demons and people wanted it or demons and ghosts or spirits Whatever you want to label it could talk to humans that are currently occupying a body of spirit or whatever They probably do that they wouldn't need you to sit around and wait listening to static.
Are you are you a ghost person? Do you believe in ghost or or super? Yeah, I think I think some of it's pretty irrefutable stuff will happen right right go ahead I think that right, but I don't have an experience is everything like I just watch all that kind of stuff You know, it's interesting and it could be so when we were in Europe that this just happened I Don't know if it was because I was getting very sick or not and I had this illusion of something that happened But so we when Europe We got really sick. We got a 24-hour bug where me red band and Tony were all Vomiting and we were both ends kind of thing for us I think it's called neuro virus where I think we shook somebody's hand and they just gave us something that like literally a bug that like we Didn't we thought his food poisoning, but we all three had different dinners So we got to roll that out right and we look things up and it's a common travelers virus that happens to white people Oh, yeah, oh no, we're all facing a battle.
We're very weak because our Mexican buddy Joel the drummer He's not getting out partying living up. Yeah. Yeah, so How's your guys butts? Yeah, loser.
See you dude So before I go to sleep I'm starting to get sick, but before I went to sleep I look outside underneath our hotel room door This was in in Dublin and I saw the shadows of what look like Two shoes like somebody standing in front of our door. Okay, and I kind of wrote it off I was like whatever right I went to sleep, but then I started thinking like really like weird dark thoughts And I'm on this tiny bed is like a single like I was sleeping to do a room with my buddy Joel He's in a single bed and I'm in a single bed and I'm on my side and you ever have somebody get in bed next to you And you feel the weight yeah a bed yeah change I felt like somebody was pressing their hand down on the bed next to me Yeah, and I was like I started freaking out on like what like I don't know if it was the illness like I started like You know kind of conjuring some whatever, but it was it was the weirdest sensation. I felt a long time Did you turn around and look or no? I started like praying I was like let's just really yeah, I was just Real I think where it gets tricky is when people try to start exploiting it.
That's when my skepticism comes in right so like mediums You know they'll have my like comedy clubs. Yeah, well yeah the medium people I don't know like that's it their power exists. I think that you can maybe speak to that aside I think there's people that can do this I don't think they're drumming it out for $15 a ticket Right and they're gone is it a S name? I don't think that the other side is talking to you like in just little symbols also This is the this is the 10th letter that you've tried on me s that are you the odd?
Is it a boy? You're like wow she must be talking about what? So that's why it's so foolish and manipulative too because people want those answers so bad Like if you lose someone like in a car accident, you have no you have none of this closure now You're looking you're grasping for anything with a bald lady from New Jersey is gonna be like well I can tell you about your daughter and you're like that's not fair That's what somebody put it really well to me is a is people are praying on other people's dreams like predator And that's like when people want like that's why a lot of people get scammed doing certain classes or certain things out here in LA Yeah, they want it so bad They're blind to being scammed right because they're like this has to be real because they're like this is meant to be you know I'm thinking because they literally were wanting it so bad okay for them to want it that bad that they're blind to it What's not okay is someone knowingly Taking a man into that yeah like comedy classes. Yeah, or and he's other thieves Kyle sees we Anderson did it for a long time Now he's like so successful from that show that he's trying to act like he didn't but he'd eat parade on young comedians dreams And then trying to think of the other church people will sometimes do it they'll be like oh, you know you give to the church Just trust just trust you'll be fine.
It's like it's really unfair. Yeah, it happens a lot It's not it's not nice. So your first joke. Yeah, it was about white noise.
It was bad And then we went on a tyrant about all this other stuff. Yeah, we get deep Dude, I'm ready to get deep on the show. Yeah, I'd sell stuff come out yet You can put more stuff on there like ghosts demons Louis Anderson you can put whatever you want in there now after some of their art little conversations Dude, this is a really really awkward, but Louis Anderson's gone to the show. Oh god.
I'd love to talk to okay Hey, Louie, it's Jeff. Dye remember we've worked together the comedy magic club a few times I'm good. Remember when you and Kyle sees took all those comedians money No, I can't remember Yeah, okay, so you and Kyle sees started a stand-up comedy program sure teaching young people to follow their dreams Well, I was very expensive course I feel like you might be able to and it's okay But I guess I'm just asking is why you didn't kind of like fulfill all those promises that you guys made Or why you unfollowed them on Instagram like Well, Louie, I think I'm just suggesting like maybe just stay their friend on Facebook at the least that's free People I need to get some new slots in there. I guess you've got an answer for all these things.
I guess you're right That's true Well, I think that that's kind of how you're putting it. How do you decide who to unfollow? But they did pay you money That's true, I think if I pay you money though, maybe like just keep Oh, you follow me if you pay me money. I guess yeah, I guess I do I think so too.
I think that's the problem fundamentally with most of this is that we're on different pages Okay, well see you see the county magic lab. All right, see you He seems like your guy baskets. That's how he says goodbye on the phone. No, there's he lives I think he lives by me.
Does he I think I saw him in a cross I got a couple good conversations with him didn't know anything about the Comedy class and that's kind of crazy. Yeah, he was like the celebrity Was like the I don't know what that would be called the ringleader the con guy the main The face of the face of the operation. Yeah, the one who's like we can make a ton of money off these people You know kids that were following their dreams come on. Yeah, but I stand up was so mad about there's a market Yeah, I think not look at them all they're all have money and they all want to learn this thing and they'll listen to us Wow, well, you know what you take a second city some people have described those kind of things as very well There's some there's definitely some things with certain improv classes that are Pretty frustrating one of the things like I got amazing One the really the only issue that I ever had with second city because they were amazing to me I really don't have anything bad to say about them the only thing that's kind of annoying and frustrating is I did their entire program graduate from out here in LA nice and you are not considered an alumni after you did all of it You're considered a graduate and your courses do not even transfer to the main stage in Chicago.
Why exactly exactly? That's weird That's my only thing where I'm like that seems pretty messed up So I found it interesting side of the UCB classes. Yeah, and what I found was that like if the funniest guy in our class Guy may not judge in here male female Pan whatever Would graduate the class the same way the worst person or class with because they want to Instead of my teacher sitting down going hey, you know, this is really right for you I feel like you didn't really pick up on the stuff that we're teaching as fast as maybe something I was what I think you should do is take this class over again Maybe with a different teacher or whatever don't just say oh, they're on to sure the next one because when they're on the next one They're weighing down the rest of us or weighing down that they also think oh look I'm so far in the course It's but you're not as good as he said but they're doing it because if they tell him the truth and say I want you to This class over again. They might not buy that first class.
Yeah again Well, that's a problem that a lot of people have with the groundlings is actually the other way around is they Have been accused of failing people on purpose to so they retake it. They keep them in the system rather than passing them But I think yeah, but I think passing them through just keeps them in the system also At least way in a way that some grounded reality. It's not like a yes people in that class are getting failed Yeah, but after a certain I think you can't fail once you get to the upper Well, if you make it to the upper track then you're serious obviously about it bro But that's as harsh about that system is if you fail out of their upper class, you never do it again. Oh wow you can't retake You're kicked out because it's interesting.
I think that's definitely but that's definitely not like a money-making scam Yeah, so it's kind of I kind of agree with it Yeah, like I think about the NBA like what if I had millions of dollars be like can I buy myself in it? Can I play for the Portland Trailblazers? They'd be like no you stink. Yeah, you're not good.
You're not good. You're old You're like this isn't how the NBA works. Yeah, so like there's all these new problems because it's a business instead of like a thing So they're like oh yeah, this guy very funny this guy not funny both of them past you like no Work, what are you gonna run out of humans? Yeah, come on This next question comes from noodles friend.
Oh at Mainly H comedy who was your favorite wrestler from the Attitude Era? So one thing about me is I like all the giant wrestlers if you lined up all my favorite wrestlers They look alike. It's always the big like Undertaker Kane diesel like raise your moments like the smallest wrestler I ever liked and I think he's like six seven Mm-hmm, Braun Strowman. I like the Bobby Lashley.
I like the The new Australian guy for his name, but like the Giants. Did you like the under the giant documentary? Yeah, it's good because I didn't know any of that. Yeah, I didn't know any of that stuff I like when I saw the Ric Flair 30 videos.
I know all this so it's like it's not that as exciting But I didn't know anything about Andre. Yeah, so I thought it was so good. It was pretty it was pretty depressing Yeah, let's be hard being a giant. Well dude.
Yeah, dude the picture that they showed of him in the And like the plane like they didn't maybe didn't show the picture of that But I got such a strong vision in two planes of the two seats and also you'd have to poop in a bucket on the plane so good Oh, cuz you can't fit in that tiny room. What happened in a hotel room to it. Yeah, poop in buckets. Yeah, the Yeah, think about uncomfortable.
We are just flying on regular planes I know like I'm uncomfortable on a plane and I'm not a giant living as a giant. You know what? This is really weird. Andre the giant is actually calling it to the show right now through white noise.
I Think we actually have a pretty strong connection. Wow. This is pretty good. Let's hear him Hello Andre Hello Andre Yeah, yeah Yes, no Andre yes, I'm yeah, you're you called into the show.
Okay, sorry that I mentioned that on the show Yeah, no, you're you're still on the line. You I know you're a giant, but you know how phones work, right? Are you saying new phone who does I got a phone? Oh, you got a flip phone?
Yes, but this it doesn't how do you even open it your hands are so big? Okay, well Andre I had a couple questions for you. Yes, I'm yes, we're talking right now Yeah, do you care if I use any baby oil if we if we If we wrestle can I maybe use some baby oil? Yes, yes, okay, no more poop time.
No no poop dog. No baby oil All right, what's your what's your drink of choice? This guy is so hard to talk to you Yes, yes, okay, I understand you've told me the I'm just impressed that you know who I am Okay, no more poop dog. No more.
I'm gonna have to let you go. Okay, okay? I'm right you're very hard to talk to no goodbye Goodbye Is that the worst impression of ever heard of that? No, not really I feel like that's how you would talk.
No, of course Screaming into yeah. Oh, yeah, you know, he's got giant voices. Uh Andrew Luck. Do you like football?
This quarterback is not even that big and he's got giant voice in the back Look at you right now, dude. You're like what? Yes, I'm dying to you know, I feel the dude like why are you talking like a giant? I don't think this is that that overdeveloped throat dog Yeah, oh this is from your I remember you telling this on the story And this is not happening.
Yeah at Matorius M.O.E. on Instagram Jeff you still have that jersey and how did the charges play out? I do not have the jersey anymore What happened was a little sequel to that story is that he kept calling and saying like listen I need my jersey back with work something out, you know You give me money and my jersey back and I won't press or you give me my my jersey back and money and whatever and it's alright How about this I give you your jersey? You give me money you give me a contract saying that you're not gonna press charges against me or brand Tobler and he's like no No, I'm gonna press charges and I was like well, then you're never gonna see the jersey again Yeah, if you're gonna press charges, yeah, what's the point is what you gotta do?
Yeah, give you money in the jersey and then go to jail and he's like he's like don't know I that's exactly what's gonna happen It's like no it's not and go ahead do what you want. I'll set it on fire right now I'll give it to some girl You'll never see this year's again Don't do that and then hangs up and then two or three days later We got a fax and my agency got a fax a signed contract saying that he won't press charges But I had to give him the jersey give him the money back it's safe back at his bar And I have that frame to my office now that country Heck yeah, so people ask what the jersey I just go there's the country I like the contract because it explains everything that we did and for the listeners who don't know the story Yeah, you recap just like who's Jersey it is and where you yeah So just if you've never heard the story it's on Comedy Central It's called this is not happening and I tell the story and depth but this is a short version I love football also. I know I'm a drunk stupid idiot. I don't think I'm the cool guy in the story It's just something that you're not the hero.
Yeah, yeah, it's good. It's good to know that. Yeah, yeah When you hear this you go, that's not cool. Yeah, I don't think I'm not saying it's cool just drank too much I mean my buddy Brent went to a bar and we were like the owner of the bar was a kicker in the NFL Who was like famously a douche like he like choked a junior high kid?
He he's like classic talk a lot of trash on on TV about his own teammates like while he played with them And so we're like we should you know get something from this bar We're like we think we'd steal like a menu or like something on the wall just be like we stole this from his bar Ha ha but what we ended up stealing because we got to drunk was his Pro Bowl Jersey and then we got in ton of trouble And so we're like all right, let's just put it back or we'll return it So we return it a couple days later, but then for the rest of the weekend everyone's treating us like trash It was like those those comedians that stole that Jersey so like screw it So we have back and we already have the bad mark on a record wise every turn is bad Yes, we went back and took it back and then I had it for a long time That's awesome and everybody come over where we had it like in the hot tub. We had a girl I was a pastor a ton of people have won that jersey, but now it's back safe with my dinner. Well, there you go This next question comes from Okay At herb vinyl man. Nobody uses their real name.
So on Instagram. Not really it's very weird. Is yours Jeremiah Watkins? No, my is Jeremiah stand up.
Okay. Yeah, but I did that For specific At the time Watkins was I don't think was available but so rather than doing an underscore something I was like yeah, I want people to know I do I do a lot of different things at the like at the root of everything I'm a stand up and I will know that okay That's good. Yeah, and also maybe though like look to a different dream like Watkins. He's like a drummer or something You're like oh, this is the stand-up version.
Yeah, yeah What was your first bomb like oh the first time I ever bombed well, this is the first time I ever did stand up It was pretty humiliating I went on stage like in flip-flops and like shorts and I mean just I didn't know anything about the etiquette of like comedy So they hated me right away. You're like the DJ's like what song would you like to be going? 311 amber girl absolutely dude. I was I like you thought I'd be a DJ.
There was like a crappy open-mic in Seattle There was nothing also I told everyone in the audience you just tell an audience member you're like 311 Amber you're like what I'm not a DJ play it. I'm not coming up to you sing it until I hear you singing it I'm not touching the stage. Well, I told how bad are my sensibilities I told all my friends and family that I've been doing it for months and that like I'm a natural and that they think I've got a real future in This so that yeah, and so my friends came to see me for the first time I had already told them I lied to him saying like no I was like I'm really good It's what I wanted to do with the rest of my life But I had never been on stage yet And so when they saw me they are under this impression like oh he says he's very good And then the guy brings me up is like this next guy I think it's who you're all here to see go easy on It's his first time. No, I like like it didn't matter so I get up there and everyone knew right away Like I was so bad also I was very inspired at the time by like Dane Cook which it was a huge Dane wave Yeah, and so I was like all over the place and like bending down and like sitting like throwing myself on the ground It was like just a lot and then I was holding the mic like super close like this So it's like it was shouting and annoying and very loud everyone crying I remember people like wincing at certain parts and it was it was a lot it was a lot to take in That's what felt as gross as it feels now What did your friends and family say to you after that they couldn't believe that I would want to do this And also like a lot of I have a lot of people especially that time I was a youth group leader like for like a church And so a lot of how we not talked about that I know a lot of people were like why would you want to do this and also like because they weren't laughing at kept saying fuck over And over I kept like using like all these like bad words to them to their ears So they were just like we went from loving this guy and like letting him like teach our kids and like being whatever And now he wants to do this like say the F word and flop around and bomb in front of everyone So it was it was a lot it's a hard transition right there the worst wow Just imagining so what what were you originally from Seattle Seattle?
That's right? Wow just conservative family and friends just watching their their sweet you bastard Jeff just bomb just bomb and also use foul language Yep, and it was just it was a nightmare one time. I went I brought a bunch of people This was like a month later maybe a few months later This is a month ago, but I was like I would bring so many people to the open mic I was a I was a dream here that dude. Yeah, I would bring like 80 people each oh my goodness So the club owners were like I don't care if he's bombs.
I don't care if he's up there doing like it's been open my Five minutes. Yeah, like it's an open mic. You brought every list trap. They're all drinking on my what you open my street Like often I'm like that yeah, and so he was just getting all his business He's like now this kid can go as long as I can do whatever he wants Yeah, and so exactly just line ball there you go so excited to have me and so That is true.
Yeah, how much is it? Yeah, that's I don't have that much, but I assume to be So I this is so bad it was like 80 of them. I did really bad I didn't do it very good at all and I get no laughs and these are my friends and family no laughs I get off stage Did you get the supportive like no people Yeah, we just got back from like my little sister's like wedding and so like all you're like oh we're gonna come watch you tonight I just no idea that I just saw up to basically buckle up You 80 I thought tonight would be at the night You know every night about like no tonight's when I kill tonight So I get off stage and I'm like just kind of sitting in the dark like in my own thoughts in my own brain I'm just like regret and sadness just a metaphor gun to my throat and so anyways the guy comes on after me He had he didn't see my set he just got called from a different comedy club Like we have a ton of people here we need more comedians for this open mic So he comes from the other comic club comes down He's like this guy's cool guy named Dan Moore and he goes out here You're all here to see Jeff and the crowd like just kind of agreed not very passionately and then he's like Yeah, how'd he do man and then the crowd just answered his quit while I'm in the back of the room He's like he sucked he was awful He's like dang cook wannabe He just started saying what they thought about me while I'm in the back like an earshot Yeah, just going on No, why am I doing this to myself and then he goes I wasn't expecting that and then he just started getting to his act Because he thought I was a nice kid. Yeah, yeah, I'm a few times it was so he was yeah, so bombing is part of it I tell people that all the time they're gonna start comedy you've got it's not for a fragile ego Not at all gotta be willing to just eat one sometimes yeah, and when you first start you want to eat it every night Yeah, and that's part of it's good.
It's good to bomb Give you perspective it definitely gives you perspective Yeah, I remember like this little kid comic the name's Ryan cut he was like 15 or 14 when he first started and he never Bump you got up there. You just crush I remember being like this isn't healthy. Yeah if you just every time you get up there You just do good. It's not oh you're not gonna learn yeah At Josh early which cast member from better late than never has surprised you the most surprised me the most interesting question Yeah, right I've get asked that a lot but never surprised they say like oh who's your favorite or who's your lead?
Whatever surprised me the most could be with a trait. Yeah, yeah, cuz he's very very very very conservative And he's got a big old family which I knew about but like his love for his family is pretty phenomenal And the way he sees the world is not what I would have expected. He's a huge Trump guy He's a I would never guess that yeah, but he's a he's really good like one time I tried to do like a racial joke like just a goofing around I'm like street jokes these guys love street jokes and so they're old and so I got one for him I just read him off the internet most of time and I said when I'm and he goes no I don't care about no color We all the same. I don't care.
I don't want you didn't want to hear like a joke about race. Oh, wow Yeah, so I was very impressed by that. Yeah, but he's the one surprised me most Let's get into this final segment. Oh, Saks talk.
I love sex talk How about the people play the saxophone especially not adults that you know well that's the thing like yeah Maybe for school they pressure some kid into buying it. Yeah, but they don't ever follow up. Yeah ever How many saxophone people do you know they play that? I only know one other person who happens to be a comedian that plays and I know a lot of people that I met They're like I use play or I can play just don't own one right?
I mean, so you know one person that still plays saxophone. Yeah, you're in the saxophone community. Yeah, well I'm in a very specific Vector yeah, but I mean comedy, but yeah, you know some people yeah No, not many no band practice. Not many so I prepped Jeff before the show.
Yeah, he's gonna share a story of a sexual encounter I'm gonna play some sweet sweet saxophone underneath while he does it whenever you're ready my friend I will force a steg before we start the segment I'd like to be clear that this is a sexual encounter not a romantic or relationship encounter This is more about sex than it is about love and relationships All right now that we have that disclaimer yeah get ready for sex talk It was a cold cold weekend in Chicago and I was doing the comedy club at Roosevelt or the Rosemont zainies I Was looking good the numbers were good and there was a table at the late show of younger gals who looked very beautiful And when I say younger, I mean like college age But I'm on board after the show I tell the girls I'm going to the bar next door if they'd like to join me for some drinks When I get over there, I'm getting a lot of attention from these gals In fact, they applauded when I walked in I'm feeling real good One of the girls walks over to me and starts flirting aggressively just then her friend comes up to her and says, what are you doing Tiffany? She says she doesn't even know who you are. I'm the one who brought the whole group So I say relax everything's fine. We're all just having a good time here So she leaves and the new girl is now flirting with me aggressively very happy.
She says hey forget my friends Let's go back to your hotel now. I don't miss an opportunity when a beautiful woman tells me she'd like to go back to my hotel room Single guys single girl and join each other's looks so we go to my hotel room things get pretty heavy We start having sex I'm happy about it. She's happy about it. The world is feeling good.
She is on top of me while we're having sex She makes a face that I've never seen before as someone well, we're making love I don't want this face to be a face you make she then throws up a Large weird spew of waterfall of white creamy alcohol Lands on my neck and chest and I was so mortified that I ran into the bathroom and washed myself in the shower She then is super embarrassed and I went and cleaned her up It was a nightmare But all the same I didn't want her to feel embarrassed So I just pretended like it wasn't a big deal and went in my car and went home the story sounds so much better with sex Oh, yeah Saks talk sex talk so that prevented you guys from moving forward. Yeah, it was pretty much too much It was too good mountain of yeah, yeah I'm throwing up on well She was very embarrassed and I didn't want her to feel embarrassed Yeah, and you say to self when when someone pukes on you or if you some pukes around you you think like oh I would start puking and be so gross. I was actually pretty proud of myself that I kind of turned I was very fatherly about it I was like oh, yeah, don't worry about it. We're all trying to go to where you try to happen Yeah, I was very nice about it.
I was very proud of myself. I was like I didn't freak out. I'm a freakin general Yeah, I wasn't like that's fucking gross. Ew, why'd you peel coming in like?
Nasty get out of my place. What is what I feel like people think they would do if someone threw up on them But we're a child it happens to that I was nice to her nice nice Well Jeff you have anything you'd like to plug before you leave the show. I have a podcast called Jeff guys friendship podcast that I'd love to have you on I would love to be on yeah I'll just talk to my friends and we talk about whatever we want to talk about this week We have Dane Cook last week. We had Robert Lucadic.
He was great on Kill Tony. Oh, yeah People give me a hard time. I don't know why but we have a really good talk on my episode And if you want to listen to this just free on iTunes But if you want to watch it you go to patreon.com backslash Jeff Dye and you get free tickets on my comedy shows if you subscribe my patreon you get You can watch any of the episodes of the podcast pastor present and then get little gifts. I give a little gifts The page I try to take care of my patreon subscribers.
Yeah, you have that patreon. They'll keep me paid, you know You want me You have enough money I will Louis Anderson's patreon Jeff Dye's patreon and dude, thanks for having me. This is fun. Good luck on all your travels.
Oh, you too buddy More travels coming up. Yeah, here we go