JW Ep. 65 - Daniel Van Kirk

You got it, push, push, push, push, yes. Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! Yes!

You got it! 8.1.8. Tylog, push. 8.1.8.

Tylog, push. Dearest, feel it, feel it, feel it. Yes! You got it, having fun!

Hey! Apples, hahaha-hah-happles! ippple, cider, vinegar, vinegar, I love you, Todd, thanks for your good show. My pleasure, pleasure, pleasure, pleasure, pleasure, pleasure!

I love that that was a tribute to our pal Brody Stevens from DJ McCray He put that together from the Jeremiah wonders episode with Brody Stevens. What a way to start off the podcast with some positive energy Yes, feeling good guys. How are you? Are you guys doing?

Did you have a good week? Did you have a good weekend? Huh? This was actually my first weekend Not on the road in seven weekends.

I've been out of town for seven weekends in a row So feel good to just be in a life or weekend spend some time my wife chill out a little bit went to over to a buddy's Earth a cake a bunch of bunch of garbage food eight eight pizza that his mom shipped out to him From Chicago Loom Al Nadi's oh So good that deep dish shut up to my pal John McCarthy such a good time catching up with pals Yeah, guys Daniel van Kirk is the guest today Very very excited and I do not say that not seriously Jeremiah Why does it sound like your voice has been tortured and put through a grinder yet a couple cents last night? I was yelling I got into it. I'm very passionate when I do stand up comedy So but sometimes by the time I record this intro by the end of week It's kind of funny you guys get a version of me that it's like the most tired and drained version of Jeremiah But you know what I got a stay consistent keep putting this podcast out for you guys I love you guys. Thank you for the support But I did some did some sets last night the comedy store in the improv and it was a good time Daniel van Kirk You may know him from doing podcast with the at the scar brothers You know from dumb people town you may know from Doug Benson's podcast He's uh, he's one of those guys who's uh, he's one of those great guys who I see it like a bunch of different festivals And we're trying to hang out more actually because we're on very similar wavelengths and you will see that in this podcast I'm not gonna not gonna hype up at the podcast too much or anything But it gets as weird.

There's some moments to get as weird as me with Stevie. We be yeah There's another guest out there that I found who is willing to play and go that extra mile And I think you guys are really gonna enjoy Daniel van Kirk and we get through some of these announcements Then we'll get right into it guys I want to think the sponsors of the show speed we bronchmore pizza mentioned music in our new sponsor caveman coffee And you can follow them on social media at speed we'd add bronchs one pizza at mention music and at caveman coffee co Okay, so jeno with that speed we marijuana delivery being legalized a lot of places guys most places it's happening bronchsmore pizza It's already legal. It's in Bend, Oregon or you can head on over to Santa Monica Grey Block Pizza same company Thomas Shiffer Thank you for the hookup and then mention music of course as well. That's on the East Coast Caveman coffee code that's based out of LA those nitros big and popular tape Fletcher.

Thank you sending samples I'm not a coffee drinker, but my wife is loves them loves them So guys if you're a company if you are a company that would like to sponsor a show Email jeremylewanders.gmail.com or guess what if you're just an individual you can support the show at jeremylewanders.com There's actually a PayPal donation button if you'd like to do that every man is appreciated I want to thank Stephen Benson for his donation this weekend Just a shout out to that guy in general at Madam and Calgary when I was there with Tony Hinchcliffe I played pool with him and his girlfriend throughout the weekend and we've had a lot of fun hit it off and he's a great dude Stayed and touch became pals. It's possible guys making new friends all the time good people if you can't donate to the PayPal What would help me go over to iTunes leave me a five-star rating interview this podcast we're at 442 reviews right now. I love you get to 500 reviews in the next couple months We've been working on it, you know, there's thousands of you out there that listen the show so you know I'd love for them reviews I'd reflect that if you have the time if you don't that's totally fine. It's totally cool I appreciate you listening.

I appreciate you watching on YouTube Gage is doing a knock up bang out job on the YouTube videos producing that and help me make this better What do you guys think of the kind of challenge being within the episodes me doing with the guest you like that? Do you like it more? Do you like it less? Please keep sending your letters to jeremywanders.com.

That's right. Jeremiahwanders.gmail.com and also if you're an artist and you want your art featured on the show Here's what you do draw something of me or me and the guests together ideally do something like that and we'll feature it at the end of the YouTube Episode we get your art featured out there to a little bit more people and we appreciate all the people who have submitted those already to Jeremiahwanders.gmail.com We also are taking music submissions from local artists I like to feature and stuff local as far as whatever town you're from in LA or in the US wherever you're listening to this podcast from Right guys to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to our dates Let's run through them before my voice craps out April 9th and 23rd stand up on the spot Yes, every second and fourth Tuesday the month comcy stand up on spot comments for the show my baby You gotta come see live we can have phenomenal shows lately. I've been written with the comics after they take suggestions from the crowd It's been so much fun announcement I will not be in West Niac anymore Pat Reagan and I booked a TV gig that I'm excited about that I will tell you about later I can't talk about right now But hopefully I will see you guys if you are in New York I'll see you guys at the grammar seat when we do Kill Tony in New York or I'll see you at skankfest in June if you can make that Drive a for four through six I will be in st. Louis with Tony Hinska from Ryan Redman doing Kill Tony and stand up shows April 24th to 27 moon tower in Austin, Texas, and then if you want to see me do longer sets around Los Angeles May 2nd and May 9th Those are Thursdays and may I will be headlining those one nighters at the rec room and hunting to be so come see it And I gotta get this out of the way.

There's this guy named Gagey else me produce his podcast. He goes all that He remodates to my dad, dude fine. I will because you're freaking men's dude. You do so much for me in this podcast I freaking love you, dude, and you better go see great if you're in Texas.

You don't go see Gage I'm furious. Guess what April 4th weekend. He's in Plano, Texas That's an entire weekend in Plano, Texas You can see more April 11th weekend he's in Fort Worth, Texas Another entire weekend you can go see my friend Gagey, so you better fall on that social media is at Gaget Arena T-I-J-E-R-I-N-A and that's G-A-G-E Gaget Arena guys can we get into this podcast or what? Huh Daniel Van Kirk Get ready for a ride, you know, he's one of those guys who who goes with me places I go with him places We had some we had some some pretty fun call-ins and pretty fun impressions and pretty wild characters that were roaming around this episode So without further ado, I'm very excited to present you if you don't know this guy You're going to know now and you're gonna love him.

Please welcome my buddy my pal Daniel Van Kirk to Jeremiah wonders What's up dude? Dude this is super bearish. I just started recording it Dude that's alright dude. All we do is talk about something else dude We talked about something honestly and honestly we probably didn't want the Southwest stuff on the podcast anyway Yeah, that's not people are coming in and they're like well they're halfway through a bear right now dude And I'm sweating because I'm so embarrassed I did a joke freaking recording don't be embarrassed dude.

Dude I'm so embarrassed I'm not dude They didn't hear about we still just dialects as a way to say things heartfelt heartfelt. Well also being super nonchalant Yeah, we're talking about the San Diego dialogue dude You can't imagine if you felt if you really got 30 minutes from now dude Give yourself credit for not being in the game 30 minutes from now I just want to say that we burn like 10 minutes of literally us being crazy And just like thinking that the bits are like going well and we're freaking crushing it But I just convinced him that he should get the S.A. Pre-check Because the most experienced are the ones you're supposed to have dude dude and this is the one they're experiencing I carved that in a tree dude You can't leave that saying in a tree dude I hope that was a piece of driftwood dude and not a real life tree that you said you know what you deserve a flesh-tat Yeah, a what a flesh-tat dude a fresh what a flesh-tat dude you fucking took a tree and it was alive You're saying to be wrong to a piece of driftwood dude down from OB It was actually some boss with a fella from the truck did oh hell yeah, dude Yeah, sometimes I go to Home Depot and I'll see people there and I'll be like hey Do you need help with anything? I just need someone to talk to you and I pay them for the day for that dude Dude, I met a guy named Pedro.

I bought him lunch and then now he's German dude. Yeah, the German dude named Pedro Yeah, he bought him lunch. Yeah, dude. He's my freaking stepdad now did no way I took him home wrong decision My mom scooped him up like it was a sack of potatoes did from Pedro's He's like that's probably the right decision dude change him as life that is enough my mom like a California read it Did that's so fucking cool dude.

Yeah, dude. He's the french fries. She's the asada dude. Oh, yeah, dude Oh, this really weird, but Pedro's freaking calling her and I did no way.

Yeah, it's really weird What's up, dude? Hey, you're just talking about me. What's up, dude? It's me clay dude I have a sub player.

Are you doing we just talking for some my steps on? Yeah, dude He was calling they said that he brought you and his mom together did he just tried to buy you lunch You were hanging out at Home Depot and now you guys are friends dude Yeah, my steps on teak is the coolest dude. He's fucking awesome dude. I didn't tell you this because we weren't recording earlier So you probably missed it.

Okay, but I just don't live what's going on here That's my mom my dad sometimes I think about teak and I cried it Not just because my mom's dead because of how good of a man teak is in my life, dude And obviously he was a good man to you, but still I'm gonna tell you right now It's pretty fucked up. You didn't put him in the wedding dude. Well, you know sometimes you know He's like a new person in my life. I've got lots of friends and stuff Yeah, but did most important person man because you're bringing up on his mom down and you don't you should have said like hey You can just be an usher or a grown name there.

I mean, you know, it's one of those things where I gained a son and also a life That day but at the same time, it's also like, you know, I still got me where I was going to get so I didn't really need teak and take Fashion you know what I mean? Yeah, but dude takes part of the equation guys You should at least have to read something for first Corinthians. Do it love his patient. Love his kind Love is a guy named Teak who brought me and my wife together Okay, well I think that last part is a literal ad lib, but I don't know that seems like it checks out in the Corinthians That's the king play version.

You know what the Bible. Yeah, I've any version you want I've never read the Bible before there's like multiple versions when they say King James That just means there was a dude who wanted that his version to be different it Have you ever read the rich James version of survival? Rich James version is fucking tight. That's pretty cool.

Yeah, dude. He works in a lot of musical lyrics I should be super freaky. Yeah, super freaky dude Yeah, and then he took all the witches and she was a king James put in it So I don't understand what you couldn't play a version of his old Bible I think you're talking about laws of rings now. Dude, Lord rings is pretty tight, dude I'm just wondering if the rings on your finger and Donna's is tea, dude Okay, but technically I guess he gets a lot of rings for us of ring because he should have been throwing back I guess I admit that he should have been in our wedding But he wasn't okay.

I made a selfish decision and I used a stepson from previous marriage whoops Well, dude, I didn't know that dude. I can't even invite me to the wedding dude because I don't know you about this But teak and I will prove I love each other by physical violence, dude Alright, I want a hands-mectune to face while saying tea. You're the man dude dude I'm still here dude, and I can't even believe all the stuff that I'm hearing right now Yeah, just like waiting waiting dude and another guy didn't even know dude That was a stepson from another marriage. He's gonna roll through Donna and find another home depot steps on dude It's freaking awkward.

I'm gonna feel like a horse flying the law right now Dude, it's freaking horse flying the wall right now, and I say nay dude I say nay dude. I say nay and d bro because like all this is super disrespectful. Okay. Okay.

Dude. That's that's me Dude, that's me. Can I just say my name sometimes? Dude, you can say it whenever you take feels this way Is that do you feel like threatened that I'm referring myself in the third person right now?

Dude, it does feel a little bit threatening But it's a little bit threatening. Yes, see we all agree it feels a little bit threatening dude But you know what sometimes threat is passionate and I want you to always have passion tea Dude, I will freak in karate chop a blind man to show my law for you Dude, you would do that for me. Do you didn't see that shit coming dude? Dude, I put both knuckles deep up a walrus for you, bro.

Did you do that dude? Yeah? Dude, I was trying to do that all the time Dude, you gotta be careful because it's planet earth people do they fucking film you doing that shit dude and the planet a people It's filming Yeah Yeah, they did they went up in the fucking point raised yeah, and then all the apes are like fighting with each other dude apes humans That's dude's wild dude. Oh dude.

Oh dude. No gorillas Are you still in me here or are you guys going to prove love to a chance of by doing something physical? I don't you guys kiss already. It seems like the sexual tension is also charts in here.

Well dude You should be calm us out like that. Yeah, we're strictly bros. Okay. We're not hoes like that did right?

You've avoided you know it'd be tight. Well, I think we learn a lot today Dude, I think so too did and it shows that like you shouldn't introduce German guys named Pedro Do you freakin mom? Just a little behind your back and he'll get married and not invite you into the freakin wedding Yeah, dude, and invite an old stepson so dude maybe look for it is next wedding your mom will be all heartbroken But you'll be my best man who's that freaking clay did did clay thinks that's cool tea. I love you dude.

Let me do it That was the proper beginning Thrown into me like what is happening welcome to it welcome to it. That was a first seven minutes of just spitting a hot fire Right, but we both you know how to about self-less. I know you feel about I know about DVK right? He's the original Andrew WK he got part.

He started whenever he grew up. You're all caught up We feel like someone people and things that we never Yeah, you know what happened like that one time that he was at the bottom of the well and he was rescued nine days later You guys know all about doesn't fetch with baby Jessica and I wanted to be a baby Jessica You know how he made three billion dollars on my space and I lost it all I know they call me call me music because my space lost it all call you music cuz you've been played dude You know what that yeah, what happened if they how do they own all the music? I don't understand how that works at all. It's not is it gone forever.

What if Dane Cook owns all the music? That's awesome says affiliation with my space for my day to be able to help it then yeah, but were they saying people put original music on my space and it's all gone? Oh, probably probably it's Original that's what's scary about platforms like so if you left me a person years though That's on you unattended. Yeah, Facebook was the Disney vault Facebook has this feature where you can download I think your entire all of your albums with one button click now No, no back up because your videos and pictures don't get lost and stuff like that.

I'm an external hard drive man Oh, me too, dog I think Ryan sickler is actually calling into the show right now. Hello is a sickle so Yeah, yeah sickler it's great to have you calling in um you actually were a guest on this podcast you got a great podcast I will check it out. You've been having a medical day I don't know what kind of reception you're in it, right? Yeah, this feels good Yeah, no absolutely When you came on here we talked a lot about Mike the aza No, I love Cal Ripkin Cal Ripkin is one of my favorites, but Cal Ripkin Junior Well, I think you want to plug anything because I gotta get back to DVK I kind of feel like you're like you called him as you knew that he was on and you're kind of stealing his light a little No, but it is a Wednesday.

You can check out the honey D if you go over to my pack I'm out you still out check out Jay All right, so he's out there doing to me this weekend. I'll be involved. Oh, wow You're just doing a weekend of hanging out in Baltimore. All right.

Well, thanks for calling him buddy This is a lot of Ryan. Yeah, I love sickler. This podcast you didn't know has quite the reach and sometimes people call in unexpectedly So don't be alarmed if like you know, somebody called you're very patient You actually were nice and away in the wings once they're called in you always you feel free to you know if somebody calls in You can jump in. Oh, yeah, you can't I don't want to know that you're just figuring out the format of the show like that.

Let's get in his next segment pizza party Yeah, that's right. I'm bringing back an old segment because me and DVK Daniel van Kirk has a Joe's pizza on sunset today So good, let's talk pizza real quick. Okay. All right.

You're from your fellow Midwesterner. Yeah, Rochelle, Illinois Okay, so, you know, did you go to Chicago a lot growing up to do you think we're all shell are afraid of the city? Really? Yeah, okay.

So what is your I lived in Chicago for a long time? So I have I have a Chicago pizza and I have my Rochelle pizza. Okay, so give me give me your your top three If I could only have one pizza man, it probably would be Vince's from Rochelle, Illinois Okay, Vince's pizza Give me a pepperoni and mushroom well done light cheese because they it's or light cheese is normal cheese or it vences and then There's like it's been in Rochelle. I think since like the 60s.

There's a huge like pizza big fat pizza guy statue like out in front of it That's so many teenagers actually accidentally hit yeah Because it's like the first trader Joe's parking lot is just so hard to get in and out of and you're right on the road to the Rochelle. There's no like good zoning So yeah, I would probably go Vince's but then if we're opening it up beyond that Chicago's pizza in Chicago It's on Lincoln, Chicago, Chicago's yeah And there all right what we got called is Okay, right? And although we just called Chicago's We're a little bit of a little bit of doing this is like a little bit on the nose or something Yeah, a great nose and they smell our pizza through the I don't know. I mean, I guess we could call it a day, but I don't know Chicago's Chicago's pizza we give it a we give it a pastor fee so then people know it's as long as there's an apostrophe I'm totally cool.

You know, it's ours. They know it's ours because it's our own possessive possessive Yet the defense is right You know, I love a good My favorite is to be right. Sorry, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Don't get your 10th right or get the hell out of you Don't have your tents right don't buy the go camping.

Hey, there you go. Hey, I'm a tense bad Dance bad. Hey, I can't keep it. Yes, it's a really big.

Yeah, Chicago's pizza. It's on Lincoln. They're up until 5 a.m I'm sold already We used it when we were in college we would leave the bar order the pizza by the time we would get home with the bus or the train or whatever It would only be a couple minutes till I got there. I love that.

So do deep dish chicken and mushroom. It's so good Yeah, I would never go this way. I was at a friend. I can't do the mushroom I really got to pick out the mushroom, but deep dish you can't be picking out because it's not so there Yeah, but they're pepperoni is legit sausage is legit spinach even legit I also go there and just buy pizza by the slice like deep dish and thin crust one year for like Christmas Eve dinner I just bought three deep dish pizzas half cooked and then took them out to Rochelle warm up the oven throw them in there for 30 minutes in there They're fresh.

Yeah, so Chicago's pizza. Okay, Chicago's pizza off the key to a number three and we're running the gambit Rosh we went to Rochelle. We went to Rochelle right now That's go show show show show Bo Rochelle Bo. Yeah, Rochelle, but okay.

We did Vince's in Rochelle. Uh-huh. That's a caggles in Chicago I go to Chicago's because it's Chicago's and then you ready for this. Okay, okay?

Oh, you see you see this is where I'm gonna be seen on this show. I'm just screwing up this mic tombstone pizza You're talking the frozen pizza. Yeah, dude. I know are you leaving me?

but I don't know if you hate it or love it. Oh, yes father Dude, are you mad at me or happy? I take great Such as Chicago's and since you have paid great respect to me and I will now give you three Yes, do any of your Trader Joe's or no Oh Who do you miss that a lot of happens good? I just went to the bathroom real quick what happened I think I went to another terrestrial plane dude I was talking what do you I don't know what you thought you missed?

I like I went to the bathroom and then we continued our conversation We've been talking for another like ten minutes. Yes, I pre yeah, we covered that Yeah, dude. I was visited by the tombstone god the tombstone god. Yes, not the undertaker So I don't even know what that is I don't know either but he told me that he loved it I said that tombstone was very good in my heart Oh Come back, how do I get these coupons shoot hey, where did you go?

You just checked out for a second Yeah, I was I asked you right what was it like to be raised by a single mother and then you just went somewhere else? Hmm. I was visited by the tombstone You set up these rules so if you have other things to do you need to change which what beckons you Okay Okay, I don't even say like that. I don't even say like that.

We'll never meet again Daniel shit, Daniel. Hey Daniel. What's up, buddy? What's up?

What? What again? Are you okay? I feel like it doesn't I feel like I'm thinking and I'm still here I asked you a very simple question I said, you know, we were talking about how we both won prizes at Chuck E.

T's over time Oh, yeah, and you know I got a high score on skeeball and you said that you got a prize that you were going to pull out of a claw machine But it was dangling to get stuck so you had to hit the side of the machine to get it to drop And you're just about to tell me what it was that was dropping and then you just you just stopped really just stopped talking It was a Gus Mac or trophy, but what I wanted to say was did you but at turkey cheese? Did you love the band? I did actually was the mouse, right? Yeah, I like the guy on drums a lot Which one was that monster the purple the big guy's very hairy.

Yes, like he's very I don't know any other names either. There was one though that they were gonna have it was like a deer or whatever But he had like all this facial hair. You're like it was a moose. He's like a moose-nash and he would like I Was that a mean to I do this probably never I can get them now Dude don't make empty promises to God Okay, and what does that get me?

It feels like it's more hassle So yeah, then it was one of those things where Chuckie really scared me I lost my wallet and one of the booths one time and it was one of those Whoa, whoa, yeah, you gotta be careful around knives. Were you even listening to me? I just confessed you how I lost my wallet And it was just I was like listen. I heard the whole thing man.

I want my uncle my aunt I was too afraid to speak up. Yeah, did you actually hear me? It seems like you're kind of you said all good I said I heard that sentence. All right, dude.

What I'm gonna conflict. No. Yeah, it's an I've conflict. Whoa, you're my guest Yeah, that's a fact no no.

Yeah, you're in my place. Yeah, this is your space. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, you're welcome anytime Yeah, now I don't know I feel like you know what you're doing, but yeah, yeah Yeah, you enjoyed the pizza and the repair I did the repair was the best part You know what Joe listens to this podcast and he would not appreciate that No, but he doesn't know my rankings He can't he better not ever find out your rankings because he would cry if he found out your rankings But it's best part because it was the biggest surprise you said we're having pizza you didn't say they my root beer Okay, so expectations exceeded surprises. Okay, our surprises came in can we not argue on my podcast? I have you on as a guest and you come over.

I don't know. This is very frustrating. You want to plug something or something? Oh, Yeah, David, good bug is that's better.

Let's get your plugs out, dude Okay, you can listen to me on the pen pals podcast with Rory Scoville and then you can also I was gonna say let's use it, but then you only said his name That's all I can offer. I'll take it but I might have to cut off the Rory part So and then you listen to dumb people town with me and the score brothers and then be put down with only the score These these aren't great cuts. They sound good, but the contents off I don't know dude. I that's one of our sound guys like he does those sound drops Like so if you only the scores and I hope I host the show.

I'm sure he didn't say that That'd be kind of disrespectful to you. I'm trying to hear it. No, I'm trying to get your plug in there's a guy in the booth over there He's he you know to me and them. Yeah, some people town with Daniel and Kirk and the score brother So it's not that we just say For only the scores no again see these head only the scores.

I mean, maybe that's the only reason I might turn tune in Can you can you run that back? Can you give us yeah playback on that? Yeah, that'd be great. Okay.

Why don't we be able to have a day? Mmm, he said he said I don't think that's not what he did the first time. He just he literally did playback on it Do you have any other things you need to plug? I'm on tour with with I'm doing the together tour.

I have a couple more legs Andrew young blood is my feature act on that so it's He's not the hand-planner that isn't even what I said it Andrew young blood is the he's a great guy's a really really good What yeah, so he is he opens for me on the together tour with Daniel anchor so I come see What I didn't say anything he didn't say he didn't say anything he said come see I think I need to I might have to fire the guy who's doing these sound drops because of their own I'm starting to hear it now. Oh, I first I didn't hear it I thought I was going I was still honestly Daniel has a little bit upset because our argument that we got into I Was never in that you and I were arguing I was a bystander to an argument you were having literally Are you have any other things that you want to plug on the show dude? I'm like I'm trying to help you out as the host here and frick dude The 29th I'm gonna be headlining the Dallas comedy festival and doing a life hunt pounce with Rory Scoville as well Do you heard that I heard it's we got me a little bit of an issue just say you don't like me man Just say I don't like you well just staring at me and acting like I'm not talking. Oh, maybe I just don't exist to you at all Can I argue with this person?

This is an argument The angers I've ever seen him. He's usually a very stowat. I do. I don't know Okay, well Dallas and then I'll be at the cluster fest and also on the 30th I'll be in Tulsa, Oklahoma for the together tour where I'm the headliner.

So that's it's my tour So you can't see You can't see him The moment here is you sound great, okay, so that's what even makes it more offensive if you were doing this right if you were doing it right It would be fucking beautiful Daniel. That's the thing is like that's why I can't fire him Right and it's really pretty like if you listen to it like if you're well when he repeatedly gets it wrong Do you hate your job? I can't hear him through the booth. Yeah, I know there's like a big glass thing If you are if you have any other plugs, I'm sure he can get it right and then we gotta move on to the next segment Okay, um, there's probably one I'm forgetting Okay, I I also have a podcast that I've done for a long time called hindsight with Daniel van kirk It's kind of probably being wrapped up soon with just some great episodes and Jeremiah was on it He was a phenomenal phenomenal guest Total story about being on the woods with his his siblings and his I think your sister and your brother's and your dad Yeah, so that's called hindsight.

You can check that out if you want Otherwise just follow me on at Daniel van kirk and go to Daniel van kirk.com for all shows Starring Jeremiah Watkins I think it's pretty great with that. I fucking hate you That we don't we don't need that language which part the fucking or the hate Are you being direct because I need I'm not mad at you at all, but this guy. He sounds great, but come on dude You're gonna make me cry Well, then I have to stop because I would promise myself I would never make you correct No, I wrote that in our first friendship. No, and I'm not gonna do Let's talk about something happy.

No, you're already started DC's what they give me up think of like a you made me cry You made me cry don't zoom in on this youtube video. You can see j-dub there's there's streams. They don't guess what you're my wonder is live streaming right now Tears live streaming tears don't do that with your teeth. What is it?

You doing with your teeth? I mean feeling bad. Oh, that's the hall when you do that with your teeth. That makes me even more sad I think it makes me kind of happy.

Oh, it's scary. Please stop doing that. No. No, no, no, no.

No, no, no, you look like a badger I don't like it. You don't know, please. They kill you. No I can't help where the direction goes with the bit We just try to make us funny face for you with an aquaface, but then I leave with you Don't grope yourself Grope yourself about make you feel better Don't do that first ask yourself if that feels if that's okay, the two no Okay, it's not see Do you feel better?

Uh-uh Talk to your friend there. Okay. I'm gonna I'm gonna grab something. Okay.

Do you do whatever you need to do? I'm gonna step off Jw do people YJW? You do you know what calls you J. Dub?

Somebody's called me J. Dub Me two minutes ago. No, no, no Tears. I mean I still feel horrible.

I'm doing it Yeah, well, no, no, no, yeah Shout, Shout Let it all out These are the things we can do without come on I'm talking to you come on Shout, Shout These are the things I can do with Come on. Come on. I'm talking to you. Come on See you now you're not crying anymore at all Yes, keep going It's broken It's okay J.

Dub But let's put you back together What am I supposed to do now? Hey, what are we doing if his batteries run out? Like I would trust you for any good information. You got a hostel show I can go Connor I'll try don't worry even when they we when I'm hosting it Connor will back there will say still being hosted by Jeremiah Okay, hi guys welcome back to uh Jeremiah wonders.

I'm your guest host for this moment Daniel van Kirk You know one of the things that's great about this show is that it just adds joy into this world And when I was asked to step in and co-host for a minute that was something that I wanted to continue because there's not enough of that In the world and what I bring when I try and host is really just a continuation of what you guys tuned in for and you tuned in Jeremiah Watkins bring you joy and I hope that you appreciate that I hope you allow it to bring to your life because we have enough other things that don't do that Thanks so much for having I've been your guest host for this moment Daniel van Kirk let's hand it back off to the man himself His batteries are recharged. He's here to have fun and he's not crying at all your host of Jeremiah wonders Jara JW Maya Walkings hey guys Speaking of joy, let's get into this next segment called the kindness challenge So every week Daniel I challenge the listeners of the show to do something kind out of kindness They're hard for maybe somebody who they know it could be a stranger it could be something little it could be something big It doesn't matter as long as they're contributing something positive to society That's great. I talked about this Perfect. Okay, so what I do is I have people email letters into jeremy wonders at gmail.com and I read the letter in the voice that I think that they could maybe sound like I wonder like what they could maybe sound like and I read Right.

Mm-hmm. Okay, so I'm gonna read this letter and then we'll talk about it or what? Hey, Jeremiah I work for a moving company this couple contacted us for moving We spent the day moving furniture from house to house with their budget was small And we had to leave early because they couldn't afford a pain anymore The man had an accident at work a few years back And now he's in a wheelchair so the wife was left to finish the house They had a deadline and had to be out that night after work I came home and mentioned the situation my girlfriend who has the biggest heart to help she immediately mentioned we go help We called the lady went over that night and helped finish the house the married couple was so thankful a lot of good people's in this world And we want to be a part of that group asher that's a perfect asher, right? Yeah, yeah, it was a very good asher That's pretty cool.

They're helping somebody need who do need a little help with their house You know physical restrictions are not able to do it. So asher. Thanks for right into the show dude Thanks, buddy I'm gonna you know when I hosted the show that's the type of stuff I'm talking about. I'm glad you brought that Yeah, exactly.

I'm glad that you encouraged people to write in like that. Oh, yeah Well, I just think what you're doing is a positive thing and I think the positive energy needs to keep being pushed Yeah, one one thing one guy who reminds me of a positive energy is a guy named Mark Wahlberg And he's one of those guys who he said something in a story once and I'm sure you're familiar with is a had he been on the plane that was On 9-eleven he would have been able to stop it I don't know if you've heard that story or not. He would have been able to stop the terrorist on the plane if he would have been on there Which I thought it was a pretty positive outlook on a bad situation. Yeah for sure.

Yeah, I mean you gotta find that silver lining Yeah, exactly. Yeah, what's really strange is If I reached out to him, do you think we could get him on the show? What if I'm already here, dude? What if I've been playing a part the whole time, dude?

You didn't even fucking know it. Okay, I don't know how Mark you just got here, but I just was interviewing a comedian named Daniel van Kirk and you're here You weren't even a character, dude. Now you talk to the real fucking thing Maybe didn't see the departed I was gonna nominate for that dude. You're an Oscar.

Maybe didn't see Max Payne Everybody thought I was like Tom. I thought you were just a video game character. No dude. Oh fucking cop.

You were a cop I didn't see the happening and you thought I was a teacher, but I'm not a mark all right You wait, you're saying that all those things and all the things are seen you know, they're 10th I was never important. I do every huge penis, but I was never important Wait, you're saying that you that's not you and those movies never even in the army in Renaissance man That was a movie were you even in transformers? No, I wasn't transformers. You were in transformers But I do not only a mechanic shop.

I do not have a dog. Wait, wait, I thought about it not that's all mark I thought all the movies that you were in were based on true events You want that was your life some of them are like that's a command where we made one survivor. Yeah, that was all real That was real. Yeah, we killed those people.

Oh, that's the only part that was real. That's the only thing. Yeah, yeah Except for a meal Hershey's part He died to and now he's been replaced by another actor playing a meal her since then Like the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie from from the mansion here. No, not that one.

This whole recall the sixth day Do it six days fucking good good good. It's a racer, but it's good. I like six day a lot you do I do like it's a damn dude. Hey, you know every line.

Those are really fuck. Yeah Hey, have you seen the Sylvester still unstoppable my mom will shoot hell. Yeah, don't With the stall Gary. Yeah, fucking great.

Also not as real mom. Are you serious? No telling you I thought okay when I like watch movies I thought that like that they like happen matter of factly am I mixing up movies with documentaries? I don't even know documentaries were fake.

I'm a little more fantasy a little more fantasy and fake Some of them are make believe like super size me that fake dude. That's fake. There's no way that to date on that phone That's what I thought I thought that you can eat whatever you want, okay, but you have to throw it up right after Your hands on the nutrients it gets rid of all the bad stuff. No, do you have a hand in wall burgers or a hand to it?

I got my whole body you got your whole body. I mean it does look very clean if you haven't been to a walburrs good lines My mom and sister when they're in Kansas and they were very happy with their choice. Thanks. Give me better.

That's my favorite one I'll tell them really I mean Maybe I'll tell it again. It's a sheet and you give yourself a little alcoholic shake or you tell yourself I'm gonna enjoy this then I'm gonna throw up Okay, well it seems like a lot of things end with you needing to throw things out I'm just saying whatever you want. You just gotta throw it up afterwards It works but doesn't that hurt like some off-cards. They like keep your teeth clean from the acidity Well, what about your throat?

You're like your vocal cords. I shake protein shake when I was shaking once I'm just telling you that'll Call you don't want to burn that esophagus. No, I like when you say esophagus. Yeah, you don't want to burn your esophagus I think I just like you saying anatomical parts of the body and I could say a tomacle anything.

Yeah, yeah Tomacle this a tomacle that Like what's uh, yeah, oh there it is. Yeah, it's turn them Can you say classical for me like you accidentally broke your clavicle falling down the stairs Do you know what happened? What happened? You accidentally put your clavicle to fall into the stairs.

All right. Well, not that I don't love having you here But I did kind of invite Daniel from Kirk. Okay, I thought you want to ask me something about 9-11. Oh Yeah, why did you say that say what I can't truth.

Oh, you're okay Did you know I'm not a 9-11-truther cuz in real 9-11-truther and this is what I said is if I had been on that plane if I had been on that plane Uh-huh things would have gone different. Okay, and maybe the difference would just be mark while we're done on that plane How do you know what I mean when I say different? It's because you know how fucking badass I am So you know when I say different you think oh he would have fucking stopped down I didn't say it your heart then so actually you are because I'm so much Thank you. I mean can't argue with that.

No mark wallberg. Do you want to plug anything before you leave? Oh shit? We got daddy's home three is coming out.

Who's that with that's me and well feral and then we just had John look I'm gonna daddy's home to come see daddy's home thing with John left out and will feral exclusively Okay, first of all know who's this fucking dude? I'm always gonna piss me off. I do in that shit. He's gonna stuff milk hips and maybe don't know He's a little fucking angry that I do okay.

Okay. I didn't mean to offend you Can we hey can you stop doing that with the promos? They said let you go even though you sound good if you keep doing that okay? I'm really sorry about that mark and then I'm dvd my family movie one of the fuck it's called it just came out Tom's ago is in it.

He's got like two scenes and uh He was great for comic called on pretty sure I'm funnier and then I see what else do I have obviously see that one family home movie that you can't even remember me move starring only Tom's Okay, see right there you were fine with that first fucking party shit cuz I said that fucking shit But then come back and say only Tom's ago isn't that how many fucking people do you think when I'm movie cuz Tom's ago Was in it they were the fucking bikes there they fucking didn't okay because they don't care they don't even be in that fucking movie I'm in that fucking movie Okay, well just we'll just try to do one more plug. I'm sorry. Sorry. You're kind of scary You're big you're big in your buff and I don't mean if any of you want to Maybe one less fucking then we'll have to ask you to leave maybe in the The bionic man comes out later this fall people can are later this year in the fall It stars me and I don't know other actors who aren't as important as I am so go check out that when that comes out this fall Are you in a contest to see how hard you can get punched You're gonna win if he was outside of the glass what would you do to him?

What would he do if he was outside that class go say this he wouldn't say shit all right Okay, no, you just firstly says everything that which don Donnie wishes he could say The contest is who has less money you're exactly right way to go okay, so you got something guy I really didn't want it to come With this so I'm gonna feel like he wanted it's come to this Okay, I'm sorry who's who's your trap bitch because you don't know how to use a comma, okay? So I'm playing into your trap bitch. Who's your trap? Okay, I'm not your trap bitch mark your trap match mark.

Can you language, please? What's that right? You can't see trap on the show no this the other word you can't say that to my guy in the booth The B word yeah, he said it I I Mean what's that checkmate? Yeah, checkmate.

So I went to checkers this dude right here said the B word first And I said the B word back to him. Okay. All right, you all right. Um, okay I think thanks for coming on the show.

I gotta get down. This was a great time. Thank you mark What we're gonna blast okay, I see you though You son of a bitch Buddy oh dude. I just had a pretty scary.

You see the trim stone god cuz that's what happened to me earlier I maybe did I go somewhere that time was I was trying to talk to me I just kept co-hosting. I'm serious. Wait. I thought I came back in what you came again You sat down I was trying to wrap it up, but then you just have to like your batteries died so I kept going Okay, we're not one on iTunes.

Are we really good at so many new good reviews wait since you started hosting? You did you do them in real time now? Oh, yeah, I guess it should be happier. Yeah, you built this foundation I'm just a roof on it.

Oh, this is just this little slimy. I'm teasing you. We're at number four hundred and six Howch what you kind of hurt me sorry man. That's our election.

Let's get in this next segment fanning out I gotta run I gotta run through these cuz I know that you go soon. Okay, um Yeah, there's so many good questions. Let's do it All right like this one. Have you ever lied about a hard-out?

Maybe really I haven't yet. Yeah, I always say that one online well No, my heart out is sometimes just 15 minutes earlier because you have to be that they're gonna run in sometimes They're the worst when you're straight up with somebody. There's a little comedy talk I'm not shitting you I this is the last moment. They think you're arguing in a 15 minute question Okay, um, I Listen to DLM for months before finding out it wasn't really mark Wahlberg on the podcast what it really made me like him more because I thought he had a sense of humor now.

I realize he must be as humorless as Ted and now I miss funny mark Wahlberg How does that make you feel? I don't make Daniel Wakeirk feel I appreciate it I mean part of the thing was is that Doug and I never went to the like we played it straight for him Or we'd ask people in the command of play straight so you have these great people Michael Rooker and James Gunn and Obviously well, hey, I'm so great, but you would have all these people that you wouldn't expect to be like yeah Yeah, whatever Guys this little comedy bit is I'll go along with it and so I love to hear the people We were able to sell them on it for a while because it is what you are so fucking amazing at it There's a show within a show at Kill Tony Yeah, and you you are the show within that show and you commit and you you cannot let go One because that's the real comedy because I hope great you are so anytime I hear that from I was like, oh, yeah We did it right we did it right now. I also I don't know I mean I think I mean mark Wahlberg is probably mark Wahlberg for certain reasons, but the other guys is really funny. I think that movie's great So maybe he does have a really good sense of the other guys great.

Yeah, but thank you. I take that as a couple Yeah, that was from at Jake or Dean Thanks, um at Korea underscore hunge. We always super into crowd involvement in your sets half the times I see him I end up on stage for one reason or another. Mm-hmm interesting I only have hands up on stage.

Huh? I only have one bit that would bring anybody on to the stage and depending on the venue I don't ever do it. Hmm. So maybe a senior bunch.

Yeah I think I think if anything, I'm not I don't do much I crowd work or anything, but I do want the whole show to feel like This is a communal thing like we're all in this room experiencing this thing So I don't know if crowd involvement includes some sort of Process by which the audience feels like they're a part of the show then yes, it's not a like a Q&A. Yeah, yeah, okay This is from at headline numbers could you make do if you were down to just one score brother can I make do a Weird question. Well, you know, here's the answer that's gonna sound weird But then I think we'll prove out is the answers yes because those guys are just two comics who? Work really well together.

Yeah our friends who are brothers and our twins and that's the order They're not twins like forcing everything else after that fact, right? So God forbid if one of them quit comedy, we'd still there'd be left with and I only left with makes us a bet We'd still have a great comic right so yeah, so can two comics be funny. Oh, I would imagine sure Yeah, so I think we'd make do this comes from at Gambully 99 favorite Steven Seagal film who Is above the law the one that's filmed in Chicago? Oh, I'm hard for death What's the one where they try to kill him at the very beginning and then he goes off and like rehabs for a long time and comes back?

Oh the guys here either is like working with I think is the coach from Rudy that old dude That's the one I really like okay. I like Under seizures good too because that's you got Tommy Lee Jones and Gary do you see and Steven Seagal dude What if Gary Busey and Stevens the goal had a film reunion like what if they had like an offset reunion? Maybe maybe they went and grabbed a lunch at a Olive Garden Hey Gary Hey Stephen yeah, how are you yeah? Yeah, I'm here.

Yeah, I need you off. Can you see why I'm so glad you said it back? I've been in another dimension since the last saw you brother. Me too.

It's got straight to video Yeah, I was on laser disc one time whenever I was inside the playboy man I'm a drug laser disc. Yeah, you said you were on a digital formatted disc for watching movies Oh, I understand like the huge CDs. Yeah, they're like giant CDs. They look like flying saucer I was wondering if you wanted the reason I asked you to meet me here at this all of garden is because the breadsticks are free Well, there was more about the endless Salads, you know salads for you salad what do you mean?

I don't mean anything green. I only brown things and that can't be I know you're some kind of you know efficient auto of Martial arts and strictly brown died don't make no sense to me anything good is brown potatoes chicken nugget your skin color Red skin everything that you want to eat that you should consume make it brown I don't know if I can't go with all this. That's why I got the breadsticks a lot of the things here Algarden are why don't you get the core of Italy you get a little bit of everything drop its brown Not much Just just the noodles part, but that's more yellow. Let's do an investment question.

Yeah, how much money you got tied up in beanie babies $27.13 you're lucky I'm on a princess die one that fell off of a you-hove drug back in 1990 9.5. I got a Tabasco that was released only through McDonald's and has the black house instead of the white huffs It's worth less than the white huff swans and it's a more rare I've got an air in bear with a with a soccer ball on his chest. Yeah, that they put in my fries as a mini beanie Baby at a burger king. It didn't even make no sense.

That's worth probably a lot of money The problem is isn't a lot of money. I mean like a buck or two. I made a lot of that beanie baby investments Yeah, I did you I got it's a big beanie baby scandal actually That's why I ask you if you wanted to do another under siege movie I would love to do another under siege. You gotta figure out what we're under in the sea.

Yeah, sure. I know DMX will do it So we got there's our Tommy. Yeah, yeah, so there's the You know, we in this yo you know you max you want to go over to our table or what? I mean you just been hanging over there like a creep in the corner Yo, I heard that is reunion man.

Yeah, let's go well DNI start together in excellence See these are there's our Tommy Lee Gary Dee Dee Gary Gary Gary Dee me Steve Steve We got a lot of the cash that's gonna be in there for you Yeah, we gotta figure out what we're under and what the seizures. Okay, no one about a boat That was that we did you not remember under siege one? I don't remember was it under the ocean or something? It was on the ocean just like on laser test Well, I have seen some things and I have not even remembered half the films that I've been in well We did okay.

Well, we were already on a boat. Okay. That's going a helicopter Was that with that under siege to or a ferris wheel? No, that's we go on that They did that in the speed what about above siege when a plane?

Oh, I like that above siege Above siege do we have to call it three then or do you think we can get away with holding all the rights? No, I think we don't all rights to that. Okay, so above siege This is another question I have though Can you get this lunch? I'll get the next one.

I mean you got that on to rush money. Yeah, it's okay I got this one. Oh, you got music money Dee. You know, I play a man.

What was that? I agree with you, but I don't think the right now is the time. You know, I actually speak a nine you do I do can you tell me how you know what a dog's gonna bite you? Yeah, like if you're trying to sneak into a home to get some graham crackers It licks your knuckles between the peanut butter about to clamp on for life.

You better run Oh, man, could you imagine being able to buy peanut butter? How poor have you become Steven? Unlike the people in the tiny house show on HGTV, but I don't have the house Daniel nobody what did you what? We just you're asking me all these questions.

I just felt like I did I literally got transported to I was staring inside an Olive Garden. I was only I was on the outside and I was looking in I Could see through you see your true colors because inside your empty empty like me Let's get into the final segment next talk to story. I love that song dude I like that song too when he would sit at the end of the stage. Yeah, it spoke to me Yeah, some sort of thing stover angsty way.

Oh, no, I want to hear the whole thing I Feel good. I feel really good. Yeah, you're speaking to me. All right now sex Okay, I prepped Daniel van Kirk before we started using a share story of sexual encounter and then and then I'm gonna play some sweet Saxon underlight so whenever you're ready, I'll play along with friend.

Okay ready. Oh This is a tale about a thing that didn't happen but almost did the year sometime in the mid-aughts The time of year if I had to guess was summer I Was living in Chicago, Illinois, but I was spending a lot of time on the kelp, Illinois Northern Illinois University is there my friend. He was working at a bar called fatties I was talking to these two girls and everything I said was funny. This is before I was a comic but man I was killing that night.

I made this joke and that joke and they would laugh and I talked about this guy's hat and this girl's scrunchie And then I said to my friend. Hey come over talk to these two girls, but he wouldn't do it. He just stood there smoking Not bad you'd say to me. I said come on buddy.

These two girls are so much fun. They're cute. They're fun They want to hang out. No, he would say so I kept talking to them joke around joke after joke Drink after drink and then I said I went on the bar closed and the girls said hey We're getting out of here and I said cool I just need to go to the hotel next door and make sure that my cousin got a room and isn't driving home So I did and they followed me these two girls.

I don't know they finally just Go around we look finally find my cousin I'll say thanks for helping me out. They said no problem money walk us back to the bar where our car is So I walk them back We're standing there and now my friend who's gotten off work and my other friend who smoked the cigarette and didn't want to hang out with us They're saying damn what are you doing and they walk off to their car? I'm supposed to leave with them when the girls say to me. Hey, do you want to come back to our place with us?

And I said for what? They said more fun and I said well, it's like two thirty in the morning What's more fun is there left to do? And they said well, you could hang out with us. I said I'd love to but my friends are being dicks and they won't come with They said we're not asking them to and guys Jeremiah I still didn't pick up on what was happening So then the one girl says you know what forget this and she leaves and now it's just me and one of the other girls And she says are you sure you don't want to come back to my place with me and my friend A good night and I said I wish I could but my friends are dicks So Then in the last ditch effort I suppose without being direct which at any point she could have been she says to me Would you like to see my breasts and I say sure?

She then in this gravel parking lot into Calvilla, Illinois pulls up her shirt and shows her breasts She says do you like them and I say they're great and then she puts them away She looks at me and I'm sure you don't want to come back to my place with me And I looked at this girl and with my heart I told her I'll find you on my space And she went and walked away I then proceeded to find my two friends and said what the hell those girls wanted to have fun And they said to me yeah, they both wanted to have fun with you Dan And then like at the end of Sixth Sense spoiler alert all of the night came rushing back to me And I realized what I had just missed out on and this was my sex talk You're beautiful. Yeah, I didn't know I mean dude. I've I look back at moments from high school and stuff like that. I was just like that where I was like That's what they whoa, that's where this was headed.

I spent and I got out of the car I spent one entire summer with one girl in high school where we would go to the pool Every day together and we would wrestle in the pool And we would talk on instant messenger all the time Never registered even like somebody at the pool was like, hey your girlfriend was like, no When did it like years later? Yeah years later. Yeah, I never made a move I never did but I still could test because there are people who have maybe heard that story before or heard just now They're like what a fucking idiot right? Yeah, I would rather be us I'd rather be the guy who didn't get it than the guy who's constantly on the hunt for it I feel you on that Okay, so what I didn't pick up on what was being put down But it's better than being the guy who's like well, you even up dude at night What do you get to do everything together?

So I mean screw my friends. Let's get it Yeah, oh, I noticed you wanted to wrestle with me in the pool And there's no way that we could just be friends and I treat you as an equal-gendered person But instead I'm gonna sexualize. Oh, sorry. I tried to drown you in the pool a couple times because I got really competitive Right, so it's okay.

We're I'd rather be us. Yeah, totally. Yeah. Oh dude.

This has been amazing We've had a lot of celebrity guests that happen to stop by I think I actually kind of like I kind of think I went into a dream state In a couple other dimensions a couple times to me too with the I'm not Yeah, but the person I had was forced to talk to who's a god like figure I went there like three or four times. Yeah, well, I'm a nuisance and then Connor You might have you want to hire? I don't know that your name. I don't care that is actually his name.

Oh, okay I mean it says Connor like Connor Now a good job. Okay. Well, well, you've gotten all your your stuff plugged already. So yeah, yeah, so um I bid you a do and we'll definitely do this again, man.

Thanks brother. Well, you're so fun dude. Let me too, man