is the cold open for the jerema wonder podcast welcome back guys thank you so much for listening subscribing however you're watching this weathers on youtube maybe a ripped it maybe it's offline wire somewhere who knows thanks for tuning in very excited for this week's guest motion cashers come on show here momentarily before so i think the sponsors of the show speed we're recording live at the speed we'd studio thank you bronx more pizza mention music uh you know go there for your instrument needs go get speed we'd at speed we'd on twitter marijuana delivery in bronx more than bend organ get some pizza from there or uh in Santa Monica at greyblock pizza hit up my pal tomah shift over there very fun exciting episode check out this jerema wonder shirt that i am sporting right now you can get yours at jerema wonders dot com or jerema wackens dot com all these is the same shop if i store we have some very exciting kilt tony dates that are coming up we're going to australia we're going to dallas we're going to all over the place new york soon so check that out all those tordates at tony hingecliffe dot com keeps any of those kind of challenge letters i love reading them on the show jerema wonders gmail dot com for all the kind of challenge letters and all your artwork and music submissions and i'll try to feature on the show shout out to my buddy gage terena who is doing the audio editing and video producing of this podcast making a sound and look all nice for y'all put up those highlights i hit up at gage terena on social media show him some love give him a follow and keep sharing this stuff with your friends guys all this helps subscribe to us on youtube if you are not subscribed yet and keep leaving us awesome reviews that all helps without further do let's get into this episode of jerema wonders with mocha kesher and we are live here in jerema wonders with mocha kesher can i try oh yeah yeah kenninson kenninson three two one hi everybody we are live here on jerema wonders with mocha kesher with mocha kesher with mocha kesher with mocha kesher i'm just trying just trying out this uh effects box jerema what's up wait what are you doing man man i've been good obviously i'm talking about it so do you actually have to affect the black voice when you do the very white effect yeah yeah yeah because it's like you could have just said well i've been well you could have said well i've been well jerema i've been well jerema i've been well that's very serial killery though whenever you do that right but instead you chose to go you know i've been well down i've been good you know i've been good just like uh man just tied his helmet i'll tell you something else too i'll tell you this right now hi i've been good you got you also got an effect an african-american voice with rhythm chop one four seven one of the hell that is so there's one right there oh there's one right here you want to sing something together uh okay yeah okay what are we singing about uh is this space of how this show goes oh you're already knocking it out of a party you're doing exactly what the show it's yeah there's no i've never done a podcast before this is my first appearance on the podcast and i'm nervous there's never found cat is lying this before this is the first podcast in history why is this new format welcome back hold up hold up welcome back to wtf with mark mary wtf with mark mary in the mornings hi welcome back to wtf with mark mary and i'm your host oh traffic is shit out there mark mary how you been mark terrible i just booked three more shows that's not for to stop booking things uh okay yeah all right word i'm just so good so good to know i'm still okay here we go yeah i'm still gonna know these keys i'm noticing you have different keys than me and it makes me jealous so you can if you if you really want to oh that's to give you the different banks if you want them different banks okay all right what's yeah all right now do you edit this podcast or does all this go in this is bad content or am i okay well we are in other right now and here in this room no this is good content bad content i didn't mean to try to slam dunk you're not you just like some of those camo pants these are cool pants really cool you know what i was getting dressed today Jeremiah let me take you want me to sing a little song or can i just tell you yeah i'll go back to singing a little bit i was getting dressed today i was about to put on these pants that i wear often and then i was because i just got these pants to hear the ones that i'm wearing and i was like oh you know i want to try the first night out i'd like to try it on a show you know sometimes i like to you know i like to divergentize to pop the chair of a pant like to debut them as certain events yeah why not and then i thought to myself wait a minute this Jeremiah wonders podcast is i have seen the clips it seems to be quite quite an affair with cameras and everything there's a whole thing you walked in and you're like this is a this legit setup three camera setup three camera setup dog bam bam bam i got offered marijuana in the lobby yep so it's like this is a professional operation yeah and so i thought to myself i'm gonna wear these pants for Jeremiah thank you man yeah it means a lot and look look you know it's funny is you can always tell uh based on how somebody dresses for your podcast how much they think of the podcast well i think nothing of the podcast but i think a lot of you hey thanks doc appreciate that already came to the house man already did it all right didn't work oh does it take a second okay here we go this is how we do it already okay already okay already case my boy rod dog cat rod dog cat what you call me yes what i call motion cash is what you call all your comedian friends rod dog cash which is very confusing it's very under like no but i'm the one but i'm the guy i'm the guy yeah yeah yeah you've been you have a baby now speaking of oh wait i'll get back to that okay speaking of motion cashers yeah i just got friend requested by the only other motion casher in the world on instagram who wants to be my friend but you know what's crazy about that is 10 years ago i've tried to friend request him on facebook he turned me down he's like i don't want any association but guess what you've been doing well these last profiles grow brophos now he wants a little piece of that i had an old dude on facebook an old white man named jeremy wackens uh friend request me years ago and i was like yeah of course what's he all about i don't know i haven't really like looked into his light too much i just saw an old guy old white kind of photo and i was like this could be my future self-asking uh you know to friend request me so just he might be checking it on me hey jeremy it's me jeremy um your great great grand uncle and i fought for the confederacy for jackson feel oh word yeah i'm actually very old i still i'm alive yeah if you fought for the confederacy you're pretty old uh great great grandpa jeremy yeah i'm 212 you 212 yeah and every day i wake up angry about what happened with that war well yeah uh your side i guess didn't you know our side boy oh sorry our side i could look at your skin i mean my side uh didn't mean to offend you uh yeah grandpa wackens actually that's very problematic honestly i'm a woke racist yeah i was that i'm trying to cancel all people that aren't racist it's a reverse yes so it's i think i invented it so the way it works now is even though i'm 212 i listen to a lot of big podcasts free okay well what's your what's your go-to podcast i go on right because you know it's not right it's nothing personal it's just like a skin color thing it's a hundred percent of your color is gonna go i'm a racism it's not about hatred well okay it is but it's not about personal hatred right we hate groups yeah which you know i think it's easier to just kind of make blanket statements and you know accept people's individuals you know what i mean absolutely yeah this is how we do it already okay whoa what the hell just happened that's how did you gauge it you hear that i didn't like it it sounded like this is how we do it by um mark morrison is that who that was i don't know i i think i think already cage is like interrupted our conversation i thought i was weird rdk casher no why not oh because he's yeah yeah way worse than any of the other ones you think jewish is at the top your list of hate people for the reason we lost the war the jews are the reason why you lost the confederacy i haven't done the full math but yeah i do believe so well i know what makes it the jewish people wait hold on a second they're replaying the entire i wonder if a loop function got hit on this thing gauge gauge i don't like the first day i don't like the first day i'll take you there right now what's happening right now yeah we might have to be right back this commercial break that's good because i was getting a little nervous about the character i chose to do i didn't like it and i didn't want to continue to commit to um this is going to be your last week your last chance to sign up at monday.com for free get your two week trial for free take advantage of this opportunity you can save so much time so much energy so much money just go to monday.com they'll help you guys if you don't want to be good at what you're doing at your work at your job then definitely don't go to monday.com because they're just going to help you know improve workflow and you know you know not make you stress on so much energy that you're losing and stuff like that so you know if you want to make your life worse then just stay not going to monday.com but if you want to make your job easier and you want to create a easy workflow for your job and you're working your home your life and everything you're going to monday.com this platform is suitable for any team any size team all across team all ping pong team a high hiking team a runners team even a work team it's easy ah inflexible to set up i just broke my hands like i said i'm an incredible tool nope like i said i'm an incredible tool like i said this is an incredible tool you're going to get so addicted to workflows that you're just going to get hooked on it and you're going to be like hey phil from accounting go check out my work flow over here hey hey russell if you see this tight workflow i'm working with go to monday.com slash wonder to get your free trial right now that's right i said monday.com slash wonder it's only good for another month use that exactly monday.com slash wonder now go back to enjoying this awesome episode of jeremy wonders with my pal mocha cash other than lee jones skanks my other favorite podcast is uh i'm a little embarrassed to admit it two dope queens two dope queens wait are you aware of who the host i am i am but i love that content they're great broadcast you have hashtag good content that's unlike some other podcast it was a few things recording and stuff like that i said big big big big bag but uh so yeah those are my two go-to's now when i get older i get well my voice naturally drop like get out wackens baritone because i'm kind of you know i'm a higher pitched man well yes you know i'm 212 yeah so when i first when i was a young man in the confederacy i sounded like this with a rebel yell the rebel yell that's my rebel yell but then eventually as i did get older and grow into myself i found myself slowly deepening and deepening and deepening and deepening until you get what i am right now which is your great great grand uncle all balls i could get my balls are gigantic like being 212 they got to be super saggy by this point right they are quite saggy but i come from the time where technology was a wheelbarrow based and so i have a wheelbarrow that i carried them around in ok areas memorabilia from the war whether like kind of trinkets that you have from the war well i got my original leg okay which is largely mama fighter just the one leg well they had to saw it off right you know you i have a peg leg okay so but in the wheelbarrow is mama flat skin leg yeah which is what i call it the skin leg and in fact at certain times when i was crossing over the yukatan and the ukhan pretty far away from two it's really far away from two places like you know you get around yeah i love why places yeah i did have to just eat a chunk of the jerky self jerky oh i thought you're eating a chunk of your own leg oh you did self jerky self jerky self jerky self jerky yeah a beefy stick wackin sick that's not but uh anyway listen i friend requested you because i just wanted to uh one thing i've noticed about your comment i've been following it because i'm a huge kill to me fan oh yeah is that uh you tend to be this guy who's like positive right a lot of guys who roll with it edge your guys but you're like a positive right light in that community okay you don't do a lot of negative stuff right would you say that i can maybe agree with that i think you need to put a stop to all that you think i need to start going negative hardcore yeah eclipse everyone you know of being as negative as possible absolutely throw comedy out i mean don't worry about being sorry yeah just worry about being negative and hard on people hard on me go mean racist racist i just i'll just straight up i want you to put special not one joke but just all just hate speech hate speech call it bad call hate speech hate speech hate attack hate speech yeah hulu presents hulu hate speech sees who comes back full and final special they can rise from the dead they're like yo we got one more thing to say it's called hate anyway nothing would make me and the ghost of your ancestors more proud okay then for you your first special be called hate speech and i'll be funny okay well i'll think about it maybe it'll have a good hand-of-gatsby effect on my career it could be in the very opposite direction but like with the different following with the you know probably not the same demographic i'll never know because i'm a huge dope to no queen said yeah as you know i know you are you know so since i wanted to send to you i gotta go i got honestly i got that preparation h just lather on if i want to make it through the day okay well keep being a tdq fan and uh you know uh grab that preparation h because i know hemorrhoids runs rambently in our family big time the south shall rise again rebel yell who's that uh that was the jeremy wackens who befriended me on facebook where did you just go oh i had that i was talking to the guy that offered me weed in me oh you're trying to do no yeah oh yeah just chugging it up okay cool yeah what are you good you're a little off no i just kind of had a strange conversation oh yeah some strange ideas some of them could work but we'll see i don't know i'm considering pretty hard right now so sorry some of the direction i'm not sick of marketing perspective you know some of this will draw ground you a daddy now i am a daddy yeah i just left my daughter right now just to come here to you yeah respect that means a lot man that was more focused on these pants but yeah i'm a dad do you like it i love it it's cute yeah it's cute it's cute it's cute it's just like um i mean my friend jacob syruv said the most insightful thing about parenting which is that all the cliches are true every cliches about parenting is the truth so it's all like it's not really worth repeating it's all like you find yourself in these like loops or you go oh i'm like oh this thing that you would almost make fun of somebody a parent character for saying like well i am feeling that you know but uh primarily i would say the coolest thing about it that i have realized that maybe it's a cliches is i realize like your kid you kind of um that you don't really make them they introduce themselves to you very very slowly you know you always think like oh i'm gonna that's an interesting way to look out i'm gonna make this person compassionate or funny or dynamic and you can help things along you can but like give guidance in certain directions but we have a primarily you're just like meeting this person that's gonna be i mean that was what was weird it's like when a person moves into your house they don't really seem that persony but they definitely like you're like well this is a human being who is gonna be the most important human being in my life she's just moved in with me for 18 years that first day like oh this person lives with me for that it's a long lease i'm a roommate now for 18 yeah yeah and i don't even know what kind of roommate she's gonna be she might be she i'm gonna introduce something yeah i mean and then you realize like also she's gonna be the most important person in my life and i don't even know her i don't even know who this is yeah it's just a stranger yeah it feels like a lot it is a lot yeah but it's pretty awesome i feel i've heard the rewards are you know big the rewards are big it's a it's a paradigm shift too you know i think what i did right there am i do you want kids my wife does she's we're gonna we're gonna we're gonna wear a weird way to answer that question she will she will she ask me she wants them now ask me uh do you want kids what's my wife does i actually do this i do this yeah my wife does not me no she wants them now she wants them now and we're holding off for at least a little bit i think i'm warming up to the idea more and more all the time but it's just one of those things where it's like i want to be like a little bit more like establishment what does she do your wife she has a non-profit where she teaches kids autism she teaches them autism she just she sounds fucking horrible what a fucking monster she teaches you just pumping full of vaccines like she's really into the vaccine yeah they're all like we have that vaccine i read like people going very clear-minded and then she's like i'm gonna give you the tis um she teaches kids on the autism spectrum improv to help their social skills oh that's pretty sweet yeah that's pretty sweet so that's what would you rather have though would you rather have autism or be an improviser in terms of in terms of suffering um you probably take that out oh man what this world isn't this world oh man this world how this world where's your my uh Jeremiah jeremy wackens of the facebook i just want to say i like that last time you know that last riff uh riff was good for me where i'm coming from is fires hell fire fire fire fire fire fire fire yeah um so yeah we're here enough forward like down the line i think you'd be a good dad jeremy i said people keep telling me i love spirit that's what people keep telling me i don't know you know one of the other things that you realize and maybe you want to deal with this because you're kind of a good person but uh you also can't confront this idea that you're like especially now with phones and how crazy psychotically thick phones are you confront this idea what i didn't really anticipate is like oh am i like a derelict like my bad father oh every time you're spending like a half hour on your phone phone interesting you know and not paying attention to your kid like with nanny will be there or Natasha will be and i'll be like i'm just i'm just laying around i'm just scrolling scrolling looking for likes it's like i got this nascent being in the other room who's relying on me for information i have this being this going to worship every word that i say but i gotta get those i care about but i'm just like oh what is what does some moron and telehasty think of my last treat sure so but that's i think we're i think we're definitely at an interesting age for that where it's like uh you know being a good uh in a good relationship is a little bit more you have to make i think more of an effort now rather than it was just kind of like yeah of course you do that you know i mean you of course you do the expectations are a little bit different when you're saying that in order to be a good in gender a good relationship it requires more because it's so easy to just suck yourself into the because there's so many distractions right now that it's like oh no like i constantly have to make an effort with my relationship and this is like an issue that i have and it's my phone i'm on my phone too much and uh i'll have we'll have what uh my phone diets or should i just have a phone diet how do you do it i'll um make sure everything that i need a post or whatever is is done and then i'll set it like in the other room we do you know the jews have uh uh we invented something cool that's called the global money machine no it's uh shabat as you know shabat is like that's the one the jews take friday and saturday off for work i've been to uh many uh shabat dinners so a lot of a lot of like more modern jews who aren't necessarily religious are starting to take just the technology portion because you're not allowed to use electricity on shabat and so just taking friday and saturday off from your phone that's a great idea i haven't done it yet but Natasha does it a lot yeah i'm sure she feels great about it she loves it yeah anytime i can like go on a hike or something and i leave my phone at home at first it's like your little anc because it's like addictive 100 but as soon as you start you're like oh this feels really good and not have to check it dude i had i'm into europe once and uh i was and i was sitting in one of those articulated seats you know one of the full fold down one yeah i'm trying to say what i was sitting in first but i was first last night i was first go that first last night that warm night bow no shot most of first class cashier i fly first class very infrequently fold down seats hometowns in all your kitty food print for a comedic pier to walk by into coach has that happened to you know but i wanted to make this cause i couldn't fly first class can i see a pier past me i had the opposite experience though where i see someone who i consider appear all below me i've had to walk past uh mark mary and first class i feel like wait if it's somebody that's bigger than you feels good but if it's somebody that's equal to you or you're like wait a minute and they're just like but i go i'm 50 i'll be in the back i don't care i literally walk by mark i was like hey mark what's it like oh he said really well i was like you know these are you guys pretty nice yeah um what was i say oh so i put the seat down and it crushed my phone it was like i don't i was even in florick for like uh for like two weeks or three it just like it went down and the mechanism just destroyed it and i couldn't get i'm not gonna get new phone in europe because it's the wrong electrical whatever and i just welcome to chimobo what can we add for you welcome what was your name washer mohawk yes please hold on for a second i'm sending that line over there oh we've got a phone for you yeah okay i just keep walking i keep walking there's a phone there go through the door don't mind the train it's good it's good it's good it's good that's good yeah you'll get to our rollover minutes i promise rollover minutes into the next line i was welcome to t robo yeah i just wanted uh oh hey german yeah i just want to check in that was a holocaust joke right yeah i was it loved it loved it it was just a riff that i did with mosh because we're doing the german jewish thing i know and i i know that sometimes you riff something and then you immediately regret it uh i think that jewish guy he felt that way about the autism uh riff oh i stand by my right well okay my point is sometimes you risk something you just go whoa that just came out of me yo i want you to focus on like making it come out that feeling like you're just like no more whoa i can't believe i said that and they're like whoa i just just no filter that's how i say it okay yeah that's how you become a woke racist whoa that's how you that's how you do it right there because your eyes are open you're like why am i holding back anymore i got red build in 1872 dog red build in 1872 yep i was on four channel it was one channel man i'm so american i got red white and blue build i like that i like that i like that i like that i like that i'm just like in this joke which i don't like yeah i'll try to make it ed here yeah i like it uh germ i'm so american i'm so american i'll american oh how american are you i got uh red white and blue build and i don't like the chinese i like the direction this is okay you know what i'm saying okay you just okay you turn a little twist on just a little bit of peppercut just yeah this little paprika if well wait is paprika white let's go salt let's go salt yeah that's neutral is white this is dash this is dash you know you know by mrs dash you might be doing young for mrs dash well you are 212 years old that's right that was the first spice ever invented really mr dash no mrs dash was a salt substitute in the 1980s okay and it was uh not good oh i'm gonna take off okay okay well uh yeah come back later man i'll check in okay cool hey what's up hey what happened i thought you go smoke okay you know you're cocaine addict yeah yeah yeah yeah so i just had to go snorkel cocaine and i'm back i'm i'm on the cocaine and i'm feeling pretty good about that okay uh where were we talking about technology she bots technology she bots taking a little time off yeah hmm 24 hours no tech being a daddy you having a kid yeah hmm there's all that stuff okay yeah okay now you from the bay right i'm from the bay that's her own white show where's she from dandville she boozi she got a boozi fan she buried boozi no she's not she's not boozi i mean yes she is if she's from dandville she just means that's like saying she's from brettwood she's not boozi i mean she her personality is oh yeah but you don't have to have the person i hope people do whatever i hear the word she's a dead person hello everybody what i'm done build now i'm not sitting down by his wife oh that's her butler yeah exactly and she identifies as Jeremiah's wife that's how she's introduced him that's the only way i introduce her i never say her name i just say this is jeremy's wife i have you i always refer to her and the third person she really likes it you refer to her in the fourth person because i'm yeah because i'm yeah so it'd be the fourth person have you met jeremy's wife i like that i think yeah it's very regal and uh she likes to be treated more like an object than a person we've kind of established you know the territory i'm feeling that one i'm not here yo Jeremiah old jeremy walk is you gotta go man you keep interrupting you keep endorsing anytime i say something remotely bad or edgy about about anyway how's that patching into the system of the show here that's what i don't you shouldn't have requested it you shouldn't have accepted it's better all right okay um i'm gonna do a segment with you right now it's a brand new segment that i debuted on the last episode i think we're gonna have a lot of fun with it it's called wig okay this is i think i know where this is going oh stage hand stage hand where are you bring it in oh is your wife is that what you call stage hand i call two things jeremy's wife or stage hand so there's an assortment of different wigs in here okay i'm gonna choose one for you you you're gonna choose one for me and then we're gonna we're gonna figure out who these people are with through each other okay so we're gonna put the character yeah okay we're gonna find out kind of we're gonna paint the picture and find out who okay i kind of like this right okay so there's this like kind of red short one just kind of mohawky one right now what am i supposed to be doing i'm supposed to be choosing one yeah you're gonna choose one first i'll choose one for you first and then i have to do the character first now i'll put on my wig too so we're both in wigs it's and i'm figuring it out together okay okay okay yeah yeah you're gonna choose for you so i kind of want to see either oh man i kind of want to see you in this one okay okay okay i think i can do this i think i can figure this out that is a platinum blonde wig for you audio listeners out there okay yeah with the motions but here we go here we go all right he's putting it on he just took his hat off what if i had like really done my hair for this segment i don't know okay um okay okay and now you pick one for me and then we'll figure it out um all right so yeah this one mohawky one that's like a brown bob and then there's this long brown haired wig okay i can forgive you the max the max wig okay okay okay all right motion is looking smashing yeah smash it smashable it's totally smashable okay okay all right yeah okay let's figure out who these people you already know who you're gonna be no oh but we're like doing celebrities no oh yeah we're figuring out who these people are okay like like psychologically psychologically so we know how to talk to them okay oh we'll figure out our character in real time okay okay okay okay so you seem like uh like maybe somebody who's a little straight edge but that's wanting a night out that like to kind of prove herself that she can break free can i just ask you do you're my just i like this segment a lot but i do feel like maybe the setup needs a little bit of like it's brand new i know i'm not judging it too but just so i can you're gonna ascribe me a trait and then i'm gonna act it out we're figuring out what we look like together and then we're and then we'll we'll get there see that right there i wish i could play it back to you i wish i did that loop there again because you just said we'll figure it out we'll figure out what we look like and then we'll get there yeah does that feel like if i said that to you you would know what to do yeah i think so damn all right okay okay uh you you you look by you telling me what i look like i'm i'm internalizing what this character might be okay i got you okay i think i got you yeah yeah you you look like a guy who spent a lot of time on international dating sites hoping for a long-term partner okay yeah great um i think that uh you and i are meeting up uh on bumble for the first time okay because you selected me right you know and then i was like yeah great great because okay i selected you wait should i not say things about myself i can't do it i selected you because i thought your hairstyle was i kind of rockin and you'd give me the kind of the like experience on the edge that i want that edge that you are excited because you're you're unbelievably horny okay and you're like get to the you're trying to fuck get to it like you're not trying to like no filter you're on bumble for it but i selected you yeah you know you're the one for some reason you went to bumble the site where women have to select the men yeah to try to get quick and easy sex uh-huh okay that's what i think okay great and i think that you are kind of like uh kind of like a sweet like kind of mousy kind of girl but there's wanting to break out from her shell you know okay okay okay i want to find a correct the correct kind of voice for this but uh uh okay i don't know how to find it but i want to find like you know a nice lady oh lady but i was trying to find it totally alien that's probably about it okay wait keep telling me about myself okay i i think that uh you were one of those uh girls who were valedictorians in your high school okay and uh you're a tri-hard you know what i mean yeah yeah you're trying to overcompensate for your lack of social skills you're a little socially awkward got it okay okay okay okay hello hello hello hello hello hello hello that's not it hey yummy little son yeah it reminds me oh it's great uncle he's coming back it's crazy um now how do you break this podcast so far so far is pretty fun in terms of your mind wonders is it's just good we're building momentum uh uh a low score well that was like it's like a two man it's a two but it's a two out of five yeah i might have gauge cut some of this stuff because what i am searching i think we're gonna have to cut some of this stuff because i'm searching pretty hard for okay let's do it no no facts one second my favorite if you want i'm just looking for there we go i was looking for all second yeah do this try that one hello hello okay i love it yeah yeah that was great all right and let's get back into this click hey what's up hey what's your name what's that noise how do you make the noise thing on thumble uh we mashed uh we met we met yeah yeah i really like your hair thanks yeah you pick this beef what sorry i'm vegan oh uh you pick this cashier oh yeah i like my freaking love cashin cheese yeah yeah it's i kind of like are you okay i'm gonna i'm gonna milk you later and make some cash you milk at it i don't you're gonna milk me it's yeah oh hey i'm sorry i mean i mean uh listen i have these two tickets to a band that's pretty edgy band called iron maiden okay is it this Saturday yeah it's this Saturday are you going are you asking me or the guy that was here earlier oh no i'm asking you well i was gonna go and i'm kind of curious to know if you have plans on saturday uh you know um i was gonna be opening for iron maiden but i guess no way you're your musician oh sometimes that's really cool that's pretty cool i played fourth violin in my school choir did you really yeah wow yeah it's like i play one of the longer violins it's called a violin violin yeah i've never got with nerd post before excuse me sorry i meant uh wow you're so forward you're very uh you're very uh clinical there's something really cool about the up-forward you are though i know you're getting right you're funny you are you think i'm funny yeah you're kidding he's wrong for me hey wait you're doing the thing again oh you're bad oh yeah i'm a bad boy yeah oh i love that boy i never met one but i i saw the last voice oh i would shake your hand but we're on an app yeah i'll take your hand okay well virtually answering anyway yeah can i ask you have you ever heard any tucker max oh tucker max yeah it's uh one of the uh i don't think drink beer and hell and stuff like that oh i thought it was like a trans magazine do you know who the dentist Prager is oh yeah of course he's a guy who vented Pringles that's right he's the guy that's on the he's on the box uh with the mustache i want to get inside your box oh what yeah mustache right what you want to ride my mustache yeah wait do you wait do you have a mustache i could wait why would i want you to grow it i'm not gonna kinky what do you mean i know you know like you know like that people with my stessions wait wait what's up bro well what's the secret my name is jeremy walk and senior and you're on to catch a predator that girl was four years old this is just wait this is bumble how does she go on bumble i i still don't know she selected me so this is a trapman well that's not legally applicable here there are no Miranda rights in 1812 we're in 1812 you took me back to 1812 you went back in time bitch just so you could you know tell me a child no less than that but good news what it's 1812 so there are no statutory rape laws in 1812 you're all good dog praise emoji signs i'm trying to get back i'm trying to get back to the little voice from before but i'm so proud at any rate at any rate there you go oh here we go hi it's me oh you're back that was my dad sorry he's such a square okay yeah that's my father that was your father yeah you're my walk and senior wow okay uh well what having your voice dude i you took me out of it for a second oh sorry yeah that's my dad what's your name you're dad threw me off oh no he's just silly what's your name dill dillon dillon dillon oh is that hip hop yeah dillon dillon dillon that's cool yeah well i told you i'm in a band uh what kind of music do you guys play oh reggae hip hop i love that can you give me an example you have a brieze seriously yeah that's such a bad boy car yeah it is i put truck nuts on my brieze oh that's such a classic bad boy car yeah it's pretty cool you have room in the back seat front seat i know in your is your post-sequel accessible so i want to get in your lanes even even HOV lane. Yeah, I'd like to POV your HOV. You'd like to point of view my occupancy vehicle. Okay, I think I know you mean.
Okay, good. Do I have to have sex with your whole band? Yeah. Oh, this is 1812.
Welcome back to 1812. So what kind of music do you guys do? Oh, well, more like just trumpet session and getting shot in war. Traditional.
Yeah, we have a little drummer boy that we've replaced. That's so cool. Yes, Rideau. I love little drummers.
Actually, when I was fourth violin, there was a little drummer boy in that class. He didn't have hands. It was really tragic. How did he play?
Just with his teeth. Yeah, he would just bite the he would bite the drum. And it was really an inspirational story, but it did keep us out from going to nationals. Oh, okay, that's unfortunate.
Anyway, I was thinking, listen, this is bumble. I know it's weird. I matched with you, but if you want to ask me out, I'm open. Yeah, do you want to go out?
Well, I don't know, I don't really know you that well. Oh, I have sex. What at what point? Right after dinner.
Listen, I am you ask me, remember this. I know I'm sorry commit. I'm a virgin. B.
S. What? I'm a virgin, but I'm a big virgin. What is a big virgin?
It's called a virgin. It's like a violin. Oh, it's a violin. It's a violin.
It's a well, you remember how the big violin was a violin? Yeah, this is the same concept. The smash was the other just got really thick. Kind of.
So you're saying that I'm probably not even penetrate. What I'm saying is technically I've had sex with a lot of guys, but you still haven't broken the high because you're a virgin. I'm still haven't broken it. So your cherry hasn't been popped.
But guess what? What's up? Today's Sunday. Look, Oh, I love Sunday.
I'm looking for a man with a very very long, very thin penis. Oh, you're in luck is no dealin is your guy. How long is it? Oh, dude, nine inches.
And then guess what? How thin is it? diameter half an inch. Wow.
Yeah, so it's like a high cleaner. Yeah, you're rolling those clay as a kid. Like those long snakes. Oh, yeah, it's gonna motion your touch.
So sometimes I don't know why would that connect to my high men problem? I don't know how female bodies work. Well, I'll tell you your first lesson buddy boy. What?
They're not in the butthole. Okay, well guess what? Every girl that I've hooked up has had high men in her butthole. Okay, that just probably means you're doing a sex rock.
Oh, it's not a high man. Okay, well, I don't know what to tell you. Okay, well, I know what to tell you. What?
I'll pick you up with seven, I guess. Yeah, sounds good. That's great. Have you ever been a boss on Nova?
Yeah, I love balsanova. I love Brazilian food. I know a chef there. Oh, you know the chef of balsanova?
Yeah, his name is Ross. I love Ross from friends. Yeah, I love her now. I love friends.
Maybe swimmer works at balsanova. I love David Schwimmer. He represented OJ Simpson. Yep, yes, he did.
I love OJ Simpson. Yeah, me too. Yeah, all of the things he did. Do you follow him on Twitter?
I don't actually use Twitter because that's kind of for like older people. Oh, really? You don't snapchat or TikTok? Oh, him on TikTok.
Oh, nice. He's got the best TikTok. You see the one with the knife that's just replaying over and over. It's useless.
I guess what else? Do you lose the juice in my caboose? Yeah. So I'm actually open to the anal thing.
Okay, cool. So where they know what your doughnut penis will go down Vadrode and then we'll see what's up from there. Cool. Pretty awesome.
And then would you take me to Iron Maiden? Yeah, absolutely. After that, that's going to be in general pop. Two tickets to Paradise.
Yeah. Okay. So here's the other thing. Yeah.
If I do sleep with you, you're my boyfriend straight up. Okay. Yeah. Are you open to that?
Yeah, of course. Okay. Cool. I'm saying spoken at me.
You have to give me your pin code and stuff to your ATM before we do the deed so that if you decide that you've lost interest, I have some financial security. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you're holding a lot over my head right now.
Well, I'm about to put a lot over your face. Well, okay, I'm in. You're in. My digits are 5134.
Okay, 5134. That's my folks. If anybody wants to wrap Jeremiah Watkins, feel free. That felt like the end.
I think that that's it. Also, my head is hot. Oh, yeah, I got it. It gets hot in these weeks.
Whoa, yeah. Dude. It feels good, man. This is truly one of the highlights of my day.
Of just the day? Yeah. Well, yeah. I mean, I'm hoping it's a highlight of the day.
That's really low stakes. Truly. To be honest, this might be the highlight of this window in the afternoon. No, this particular time, this is the highlight of this podcast so far.
It's talking about highlights. It's pretty fun. Highlights on highlights. Let's get into this next segment.
It's called Fanning Out. Okay. I need some questions here. Here we go.
Yeah. Okay, here we go. All right. So this first one comes from Instagram and this is from Nasty Neil on Instagram.
Seems like a nice guy. He needs to give us motion needs to give us an exact number. How many people has he slept with? Stop beating around the bush, Cashier.
We need to know the truth. The truth is like, I have a certain, I have a thought about this that women want to know want to be able to count how many lovers they've had on two hands. Yeah. And men want to forget how many.
They want to be able to say, I, there's no way to quantify. There's no way to know. Right. And honestly, I don't know.
I could guess. But how would I know the exact number? Let's shoot a guess. 300.
Already K for real? Yeah. Raw dog. Very little of it was raw dog.
I was very careful. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a hypochondriac, or is it more commonly known?
A Jew. So I have to be. We have to use a condom. 300.
But yeah, I don't remember for God's sake. How do you know? Yeah. How many?
You're probably small because you're like a nice guy. One is the only number. Is it really? Yep.
For real? For real. For real. Wait, do you know, you're like looking at the cars like you want to change the subject?
No, no, for real. Wait, so your wife was your first? Yep. Well, it wasn't after you got married.
No, so for real. Get that tester. I've got to go. That's crazy.
Do you ever like your super in love and you're married and stuff like that? But do you ever feel like like that is a thing that you have a thing that tells you like, Oh, I wish I had done more? Well, the way I look at it is how where I'm at with because so I'm I'm a weird case where I haven't done any drug and I haven't drank before either. Okay.
So the way I look at it is very much an ignorance is bliss approach. I do. I do understand that. That's the way I look at it because I feel like if I, you know, if for whatever reason, if my wife and I like took a break or whatever and like, yeah, go experiment.
I think that'd be the end of everything. Right. Because it's like, I have no concept of what it's like to be with another person like sexually intimately like that. And it's not like it's bad.
It's like, this is sex. This is good. So it's like, you're like, I do hear that. That's really interesting.
Yeah. So no, so you're saying from a cost benefit perspective, no, you don't wish that you had that you had slept with you more women and then found your wife. I think it would be more invoking more question than anything had I had a lot more, even if I had a couple, right, you know, here, there, I don't know, because I'd rather just, I'm an extremist by nature with everything I do. So if I would have had sex only with like a couple women before I got married, I think that that would have ignited something in me more curiosity than would have been beneficial when I got married.
You hook up with girls? Yeah. Okay, let me ask you a really personal question. You can say pass if you don't answer.
When you're wife's out of town or something. Yeah. No sex and not sex. Right.
And you don't have an internet. You're not do watch porn? I mean, I don't like to, but yes, I want to get back to that. Yes.
But let's say, but there's no porn available. Okay. Okay. And you are horny.
I try not to look at porn, but you know, it just happens. I hear that. Okay. So but it's all like hardcore gang gang.
Totally do it. Just happens. I mean, it's happened. If you so you have to mask you want to masturbate.
No porn, no wife. Yeah. No sex, no porn. What do you think about?
The thing I can't answer that question because the that would get me in trouble. Got your pass. Yeah. Yeah.
Okay. Cool. Cool. Cool.
Cool. I mean, but there's bank bank material. Okay. I was wondering, like, I guess it seems.
Yeah. All right. Well, change because what I'll say is like, I think that, you know, obviously my, I think at least my wife like has material in her, you know, bank wears like it's not me all the time. Like fantasy.
Right. Right. Right. So I think it's kind of that I get what you're saying.
Oh, fantasy. That's what you're just gonna go. Honestly, one of the things about having slept with been promiscuous is I never, I don't think I, I, it's been years since I've had a fantasy. Jerk.
Oh, I mean, I mean, yeah, using your imagination kind of thing. I just, it doesn't do that. Because I have a, I have a row of decks of memories. Oh, I'll just go to the ones that were like hot.
Yeah. Let's tell you some weird about having a lot of people. Okay. When I go through the world, I don't think I'm alone in this, but it's something that you might not know about.
I don't select almost never do I select the hot, like the most beautiful people I was with. Yeah. It's not like, Oh, she was so beautiful and hot. It's like, in fact, sometimes quite the opposite.
And it's only specific lovers. Yeah. I say lovers. That's the thing that I say, because it's like I'm kind of a cool guy.
But if you couldn't tell me when I came up, I'm very hip. So it will be specific people, like, and over and over again that I will think of when I do that. Yeah. And we're, and they're often, I would say, on the low tier.
Really? Yeah. That is interesting. And it's your numbers are so high.
And then sometimes I'll see them, the people rarely, but sometimes I'll see one of the people from the thing. Yeah. And that's a weird thing to me. Like, because they don't know.
Oh, yeah. You know, I'm friends with some people that I used to see, or whatever. And I'll think to myself like, Oh, I see you like, I saw you on on Tivo. I said, yeah, I know.
But they're still in my life. I'm like, Hey, but then I'm thinking like, yo, I was just going mad. You always want to say something. You know, like, when you have a dream about someone, and I dream about you.
But if I always feel like a woman tells you that, that what that means is like a one-up book. Actually, that's how I first opened the door to romance with Natasha. She had a dream about you. I had a dream about her.
Oh, I told her, but it's just like, obviously, it's common. But I actually did a thing where I obscured it a bit where I was like, I had dreamed about her. And then I also had a dream about Whoopi Goldberg. But then I told her, Oh, I had a dream that you and me and Whoopi Goldberg were hanging out.
But that wasn't true. You kind of melded it. You don't want to do this one on one. Yeah, it's weird.
He's dreaming about funny whoopi. Yeah, it's crazy. This is the panel shows. All right.
Yeah. I hope every question will be that long. I'm gonna answer right. Yeah, exactly.
This is a four-hour podcast. Yeah, right. I don't know what this means, but it says at thorn axis on Twitter, ask him about his theory on the five questions. You know what that means?
I don't know. Can we Google it? Yeah, I don't it sounds like he's referencing something I've said before. Sounds like the five questions.
Maybe it's something that you said on a pod. That sometimes happens where if somebody's a fan of people, they it's some dumb bullshit. I ref the five questions. Yeah, I'm not really sure what that is.
The five questions. The five W's? What where when why and how? Asking about his theory on the five questions.
Yeah, I don't understand. I really want to know. Well, well, I can't help you. But it's an interesting question.
I don't know. Oh, okay. This is interesting. Twitter at Jesus underscore SD.
Since your podcast involves a lot of people calling in before cell phones and FaceTime apps, how did Moshe communicate with his mom, who's deaf when he couldn't use ASL? That's a really good, really good question. Yeah, actually, so we're talking about the negative of the internet. I was saying that one of the huge positives of the internet is that I'm able to communicate with my mom on such a such a more easy FaceTime for you must be so much better.
Huge growing up, I had I had like my door, but we were very poor growing up and we had a like a long house, kind of like your dick. Yeah. And there was like the doorbell to the actual bell was very long and it broke one day and we just couldn't fix it. It was too expensive.
Yeah. So I just didn't have a fucking and the doorbell would connect to a series of flashing lights. My parents were deaf. We didn't mention that.
Yeah, we didn't mention that. Yeah, parents were both deaf. So we would have that's how deaf people back in the day, the lights would flash and flash. But then that cord broke and we couldn't afford to fix it and I just grew up no doorbell.
And so if I locked myself out of the house or my mom was gone, I had nothing. I had no way to communicate with her. And if she was out and about, I could never communicate with her. But the way that I would call my mother is that I would have to I'm about to dip into material.
You ready? Go forward on. The way I would call my mom is my mom would have to use shoot off the type of message on a computer. It was a proto like modem.
It was actually a modem. You put it on top of this little computer and you would you could call people through that and it was a little keyboard. So my mom would actually to call me would actually put the phone on the thing. She would type a message on a computer, the message would go to an operator, the operator would call me and that's whose voice I would hear on the telephone.
And that made for some can you tell this is a material and that made for some awkward conversation. Oh my goodness. That's great. I'd be like, Hey, hey, hey, hey, hello.
Hello boss. Hold on. Hello, my son. God.
No, no. It's your mama. How are you my beautiful boy? Mom, are you a black dude?
And she was my mom is a black dude. Which is weird. At any rate, that's how I would call over those. So she would just basically it would just be one long message that your mom would type up.
No, there was a whole system that people that is pretty much defunct at this point. All deaf people who are of a certain age would know about it. So it was a system where you would call any of you were just talking to it. How would you how would she get the message back to her that the person operator had also a similar device that would type what I was saying to her would it print up or it was like a little digital money, a little computer, but it wasn't really a computer was just for this one function.
And it was a keyboard and a really small teletype screen. Also, the word processor or pager kind of thing. Yes. And the text would go by but the way that you would have to figure out how to stop.
You couldn't have a normal conversation because interruption couldn't happen. So you would type your message and then you would write at the end of your message, GA, which is go ahead. Okay. And then that would signal that the next person could start typing because sometimes I would just type on the I would just type if I wanted to call my dad from my house who was living in New York, I would I would be the one typing directly to him.
There was no operator involved. So I would be like, Oh, hey, dad, I miss you very much. GA. And then he would type back.
Oh, I miss you very much as well. GA. And I'd be like, can I borrow $5,000? I'm in trouble with the mob.
GA. And then I would never hear from him again. But the way that you would end the conversation is it would be SK, SK, SK, which is stop keying. Wow.
Old school. It was like very, it's its own more scope. Yeah, it's like ancient technology. And then finally came webcams and texting and the sidekick was huge.
Remember the sidekick? Oh, I had one. Yeah, the whole side. All the deaf people had them.
So you could text text each other and like slowly slowly but surely like now I can just call my mom. And that's great. And then sign and it's just completely changed everything. How old were you when you learned how to sign?
I was like a baby, like an infant before I could talk. I could say. Wow. So super cool.
Yeah, because babies language processors develop less. Oh, they're their vocal cords develop less fast than their, you know, their little hands or whatever. Yeah, even with like monkeys and stuff, they can learn to sign. People are monkeys.
No, not saying that. It kind of are. I mean, you know, I like that last thing you just said. I was just going to say, we're sure.
Oh, my long and senior. We got it. I love that you just go. People like that.
I like that. Like a lot. To be honest, that's an angle that even I never considered, you know, I never thought I use that new little skit. Yeah, I like that.
Yeah, you should put that in your skit. That's a good idea. I like that angle. I do have to say, uh, no joke.
One of my favorite sketches that I've seen in the last 10 years is your Portlandia sketch with you signing. So that's an interesting story. Thank you. And it's probably because of me, right?
Yeah. So it's actually is because of me. The reason that sketch exists is because I was working on Zoolander and Fred Armas in was in it. The Zoolander too.
And he was in it and we were talking about, I was doing like Punch Up and he was like one of the villains or something like that. And we're talking about sign language and we're talking about this movie, actually, this check movie that is, which I still haven't seen actually, but it's a check movie. You got to check it out. It's called, uh, it's, I'm talking to the name.
Anyway, it's a, it's a movie made by deaf people. It's all deaf cast and there's no subtitles. No subtitles for you, no subtitles for the check people. It's just inside language and it's a two hour movie and apparently it's good.
I want to see it. But I'll find the name. Anyway, I was telling him about that and I was telling him about my parents, my parents were deaf and I grew up signing and stuff like that. And he got really kind of fascinated by that idea, you know, and he was like, I, six months later, he called me, it was like, we're doing the sketch in sign language, we come up and be in it.
And I came up and he had learned, um, he had learned sign language, not, I mean, he didn't know sign language, but the degree to a lot of terms and stuff. And also like he was kind of a believable signer. He didn't, he didn't sign like a deaf person. Like, I wasn't even able to tell probably wasn't deaf, but he definitely didn't sign like a guy that had learned it six months ago for a sketch.
I thought that was kind of hard to it. Yeah. The other thing I really like about that sketch was it was a sketch clearly that he had already written in English and he just translated it into sign language. So it was kind of cool because Portland is such a random show that it wasn't a sign language sketch about deafness at all.
Nothing to do with being deaf. It was about iPhone. That's what I liked about it. It was like, it was just taking, it was just a fish out of water, complete experience, where it's like, it's about a very mundane thing, but it heightened it so much by everybody signing.
Yeah, exactly. And it made it more interesting to me because everything I've ever seen, and it's changing, I can't find the name of this movie, and it's changing slowly, but everything I've ever seen that deaf people in it was like all about these like delorese touched by an angel type shows where it's like, oh, this poor deaf gal comes from behind. It's like, you know, the blind spot or something. And this was just like just a random piece of comedy.
Yeah. I loved it. I loved it. I, here's this next one.
This one comes from this from Zelda hunk, both fan of both of you guys about to hit my second year of stand up any advice from either of you. Yeah, hold up. I think you should quit dog. You need to quit now.
Yo, it's a cesspool or it's not good, man. Comedy's under attack right now. Yeah, you can't say anything. Yeah, man.
Like you got to get out while again's good. Yeah, get out while the hands hot. Yeah, so we used to say the civil war times in 1812. Get out while the hands hot.
Don't commit to stand up. Maybe they haven't even invented it yet. What do you tell people who are new to comedy? That's your first advice.
I always say the same thing. I always say the same thing to you. What do you say? I always just say get up as much as you can, but and also feel you have the freedom to experiment right now.
So do that. You don't have eyes on you. Right. Experiment experiment experiment as much as you can to find your voice and do unique things on stage because you never know what path I could lead you.
I say the same thing, which is quit. Yeah, don't do it. Don't do it. The system is clogged.
But I'm serious. I say to people, don't do it because it's not worth it. It's not it's not good. It's not a good lifestyle.
It's not a good modality. It's not a good way to look at the world. It's not a good thing to be involved in. Just don't do it.
It's not worth the headache. But if you're going to do it, if you can't not do it, then you're a then Jeremiah's advice. Basically, I really do tell people like just don't don't bother unless it's a hobby and you want to get up to like as a Toastmasters hobby. Like it takes so much commitment and so much like after feeding of your regular life that like it's oh it should only be for people that are incapable of not doing it.
If you're incapable of not doing it, then there's only one piece of advice anyone can give you which is get on stage as much as you possibly can and figure out there's a story about a guy went to Michelangelo, not the Ninja Turtle the Artist, and he said he looked at David. He's like I can't believe how beautiful David is. Right? You know, and how do you make something so beautiful?
It's a perfect and he said oh it's simple. I just got a big piece of marble and I just started chipping away all the parts that weren't David. Right? And to me that's what the first like three years of stand-up is.
You get on stage, you're a big lumbering piece of marble and you just chip away all the parts of you that aren't your persona. Like I always feel like personas don't really aren't really chosen. I guess some are, but most of the time I think personas are discovered much like having a kid, right? It's like you have this kid and you discover who they are rather than make who they are.
It's the same thing I feel like with a stand-up personas like you just get on stage and you work and work and work and work until the worst edgiest stupidest like lamest jokes and they're like oh that one's actually a little better than you. It's like finally after a few years you're like oh this is who I am on stage. This is so that's my advice. No that's great.
Yeah that works perfectly. This was from Instagram at ShakeIt underscore sugar 82. I grew up with one Deaf parent and the Deaf world is different than the hearing world in my experience. Does the Deaf community get your humor and do your parents get it?
That's a really good question. It's so true that Deaf humor is so different than hearing humor and like it's hard with stand-up especially because I've had a lot of Deaf people over the years come to my shows within Interpreter. Yeah I was just about as if at some of your shows if there's an interpreter at the corner of the stage. Sometimes when I go to a certain community with a big Deaf community they'll know that my parents are Deaf and they'll like get an interpreter and a big group of them will come and they all seem to have a great time.
But I always wonder like how it's so difficult because it's so language based. It's so like turn of phrase based. It's so like a lot of word play. I mean I tell stories so stories even if you don't get the punch line within the story which is language based like maybe you'll get the story itself is funny but I do always wonder about that like when I was an interpreter I was an interpreter for a long time.
Really? Before I was a stand-up that was my day job and people would start doing stand-up this comedy club when I was like a new comedian would call me when somebody would call for an interpreter and they'd be like oh you come to your comic and you are an interpreter and I would always say hell no I would never do that because I'm gonna ruin somebody's night like I just feel like how could I I don't know how I would do it maybe I just wasn't a good enough interpreter yeah but it just felt like how would I interpret the turn of phrase that makes this funny yeah you have to go so fast too I mean that's one thing to do at a comedy what was the weirdest place that you were an interpreter at? I got some good I got a few good stories there's a there's a um well there's a rule in sign language interpreting which is like kind of like the Star Trek rule of the Prime Directive which is like don't interfere right you never as an interpreter ever like get yourself involved right so if you're if you're being rude to a deaf person it's I never am just gonna try to like soften what you're saying because then they're not getting the real communication so you are really with the exact intensity you're just a vessel I don't know it yeah so much so that one of the big taboos of interpreting is to say uh he said she said right because I'm just I'm not even there I'm just a your blanks like you are just the wavelength is being with the conduit so if you say tell her I would already I would redirect you right when I was an interpreter you say oh tell her uh we don't usually have interpreters at this comedy club whatever yeah I would just say oh no you tell her I'll just interpret it for you and then you would go oh oh and I would sort of like sort of start to slowly redirect you to how to communicate with them right right right that way they're directing their communication at the person rather than through like uh like uh yeah exactly what you're just saying so oh and so you never say uh he said oh he's saying um but he really wants an interpreter at this company to say but I really want an interpreter at this comedy club I would say from first person always right except if I'm talking to your wife then I would say but Jeremiah's wife really wants an interpreter at this club but uh so that's one of the big rules always first person always uh you never say oh he's saying he wants an interpreter okay yeah so I was working uh speaking of webcams my last job once webcams got invented that that that operator who I mentioned earlier who used to be a random person it could have been you who'd been trained how to use the Morse code system right because all it took was the ability to type and read right yeah slowly started to get uh traded out for people who were interpreters on webcams so that the conversation could happen much more fluidly right now you could now you could interrupt me right because when it's a webcam you wouldn't see the webcam so I'm calling you you work at the comedy club I'm a deaf person right the the deaf person would pop up on a webcam they would call the interpreting service I would pop up on their computer screen signing I would say uh okay who do you want to call they would say call the comedy club I'd press call you'd pick up we can do it okay okay uh uh uh uh uh uh uh hello this is interpreter 773 with the source of video relay service I've got a sign language interpreter I've got a sign language user that it would like to make a call to your club so I'm gonna put you through right now okay one of the things I would do is I would try to do it so quickly that you didn't have a chance to hang up because often you hear something like that yeah and you would just fucking hello hello hello hi yes hi cops comedy club yeah hey uh hi I'm interpreter 773 with the source of video relay service I've got a caller here that uses sign language to communicate I'm gonna go ahead and put you hi I'd like to ask about having a sign language interpreter at the club is it you're a user person who's just on that oh and then I would sign exactly what you're saying okay I would tell the person be the same person let's say you hung up okay you're like hi this is interpreter 773 with the source of video relay service hello hello then I would call you back hey I'd like to get a sign language interpreter at my ui hanap on me earlier but I'm the I would actually like to get a sign language interpreter to come to the club to interpret one of the comedy shows that makes sense okay okay so that's how it would work right that was the way that it would work um so if a person hung up then I would just then I would literally disappear and I wouldn't even let you know that the call was being interpreted right okay so so that's how it would work so one time I get a call from a person and he's like uh he's like really agitated because I can see him right yeah I can see him on the screen and he's fucking agitated and I'm like okay uh all right let's make the phone call he's like really pissed off and I press call uh call and the person picks up and they're like you know Jacksonville police department and the guy goes and I'm interpreting it and I go hi this is interpreter 773 with the source of video relay service I've got a phone call here from some of the user sound language and they'd like to call to they want to give you a call okay and the call would start and the guy just started off he's just like first of all fuck you fuck the police fuck you you're fucking following me you piece of shit you fucking fuck the police fuck you fuck you and I'm just interpreting all this faithfully right and the cop is being really chill he's just saying like yeah he's just going like I'm really sorry like how can we justify what's happening justify my dick bitch fuck you fuck you you motherfucker I'm gonna fucking piece of shit you fucking stupid police there's a way that I can facilitate your call and facilitate these nuts motherfucker fucking fuck you and fuck you I fucking and then all of a sudden the guy the caller goes and fuck your mother and I see it and I see I go um he said fuck your mother the guy said fuck your mother I broke the whole I broke the entire person person rule and the cop fucking goes what fuck my mother fuck you mother fucker they just started fighting with each other it's like the greatest thing another great that's so awesome another great tale from interpreting was a tale from interpreting I got a call one of the rules one of the other rules of interpreting is that when you you go you don't need our job you only have to show up for a half hour yeah how draining is that as a job eight hours yeah you could never do eight hours straight up yeah of a real eight hour thing because it's got to be so mentally and just emotionally and physically all of it just like everything you're working with every muscle in your body to make sure that this person is basically being heard yeah and my thing was like I liked it the heart the heart of the better for me that I like that better so I didn't like elementary school I wouldn't do middle school because I was just like insane yeah but I like high school college graduate school I loved right or and you would do doctors appointments and you do all these different things but one of the rules is after any job if you show up and a half an hour goes by then you can leave right and you get paid for the entire job right so one of the one of those jobs one day I had an eight hour job at a community college and the first class was nude figure drawing and I walked in and I sat at the front and the woman came in the model came in she disrobed and I was just sitting at the front and no easel no art supplies I'm sitting just looking at this woman looking at my watch looking at this woman looking at my watch and at a half hour I just got up and walked out of the class and I've always wondered what that woman thought like I'm just like looking like are you fucking kidding me this woman is it worth a charcoal I can't even draw I'm not drawing this this monster's disgusting but in reality I got paid $300 to sit and stare at a naked lady for 30 minutes and then go have coffee for the rest of the day because I mean yeah there's nothing there's nothing to communicate while they're drawing it was just so fun I was just like I she must it must have been such a misifying day for that nude model just like a person sitting in the front row not drawing her not doing anything and then just leaving you think she took notice of you I don't know but I hope so or do you think they're so like focused on like just being chiseled just being like just staring so anyway those are a couple of tales from the interpret I'm not a turbanating I've been turbaned suicide calls I've interpreted proposals I had these two guys call me one time on the webcam and they called I press connected the number and it was like hi if you like hot hot hi hi hi there we go hi if you like hot sultry because he's been press what now 599 I mean for the hottest we don't speak english and I was interpreting it to these guys and I was like okay this is like a phone sex line all right and it's like five bucks a minute I can't connect you to this service and they're like oh no no no no no they said no no no we don't want phone sex we want like a woman to come to our house and have sex with us and I just want to go you mean a prostitute and go yeah yeah that and I'm like well okay uh like what do you what do you want and they go I don't they go do you know anybody? No I don't know anybody but in this I probably shouldn't have done but I was kind of like I guess you could like look up escort in the phone book or the internet and call us back and and that was that I'll tell you another time that I violated the prime directive this is really fucked up so you're not allowed to you weren't supposed to be saying any of that stuff no you're just supposed to be like just like you said a conduit the whole idea with specifically with the phone calls is that the FCC has regulated that telephone calls have to be equal you have to have equal access that's the whole thing with the ADA right is that it's that's why it's certain comedy shows they have to display that sign to say if you are hearing impaired then we have this for you right it's basically either a unit do you know what those are have you ever seen those weird things about yeah but those are like a sound amplification devices right it's not really it's not really impaired it's not really for deputant right but there was that guy that was making his way through comedy shows in Los Angeles asking for them and then if you didn't have them he would sue you yeah that's like an abuse of the system right yeah but the whole idea with the ADA is like equal access it's not special access so you don't have a special counselor helping you make decisions when you make a phone call right yeah so that was the whole thing was like so when I would do a phone call it could be fucked up when I would do a phone call for someone who's calling and doing a job interview you know and they were like stupid or unprofessional my instinct as a person with parents would be like sweeten it a little bit but honestly that's not really fair because the person that they're calling is trying to hire somebody with a job and so they deserve the ability to know the linguistic level that they're operating with the person that which is why those teletype machines are so fucked up is because a lot of deaf people they're not really savvy English users because they're primary languages American sign and so their communication level in sign language would be way higher than the communication level in English so somebody like my mom would call for a job or something like that and it would sound like they were using like fucked up caveman English and then they wouldn't get the job me wanting job me wanting job yeah you know you get hired today me born since not 1812 but 1812 BC a real hard worker you see now you become in we have club me to play joke me have integrity me care very much about company corporate values me have passion and arrive on time me think of self as personal brand but personal brand extend to a larger brand only way to succeed in life we think you go places with company and I come as well yes meets greatest strength is also me greatest weakness me work maybe too hard me care maybe too much things like that so then all of a sudden webcams got invented so my mother would call and she would sign with so funny every time you say webcam I think I know really dirty right because like like every like whenever you said like I started using webcams with my mom I just imagine that you got hired as a webcam model somewhere just so you could communicate with your mom or that I was just jerking off to my mom's hot webcam show or that or that yeah sorry that well maybe there's is webcam not the right term no no webcam is the right thing because it used to be like you know like the logitax or USB that's why I'm using that all that's why they were they exactly so my mom was a cam girl and I was her pimp and so those guys called in they said we want somebody to come to our house and fuck us I said well I don't know any prostitutes but I know my mom I know my mom and you could link to her she delivers she has the hottest deficit west of the Mississippi and then and then somebody say west of the Mississippi uh uh dog like it's south of the Meridian border line I can see your how did you know I guess you would know that we do have family and pretty much I perked up when I heard deaf stuff because I thought you were gonna slam the deaf and call the monkeys again and then you're having some kind of bullshit respectful conversation about like interpreting and all that kind of comedy good and the ADA nothing makes me matters in the ADA really my people fought and died to stop the Americans with disabilities act right and free and slaves now I'm out so so all of a sudden I can make these phone calls how long is this podcast is this too long all of a sudden I can make these phone calls and my mom would be able to call and a person like me would be able to use a language at their linguistic efficiency rate so they would sound intelligent and they could maybe get the job right that's pretty that's pretty it's pretty amazing um but uh but the what's I saying well how did I start this whole thing with the webcam I was gonna tell you one more story about interpreting oh I remember the fucked up thing you so you couldn't get involved you couldn't like make compensation for people because you had to like so one of the really negative and nasty byproducts of that was they had those Nigerian scam calls right right the princes and the way scams work I didn't know this though I started working in this field the way scams work is they start with the general population and then the general population gets savvy to it and goes like you know fuck off oh this is wrong and then they blink down and blink down until they get to the more and more vulnerable population they're basically just trying to like get as much as they can it's like a net right yeah and so by the time the scam is almost run its course the people that they're scamming are almost exclusively um old elderly people super low income super low income deaf people a lot of deaf people are getting scammed in this way and they they were because they were vulnerable a lot of these people were vulnerable and so it created an ethical dilemma for the company I was working for which is what do we do because the FDA says the FCC rather says that we have to be just merely a conduit this deaf person has the right to be scammed just like everybody else because that's the kind of the ethical rule here that's such a weird line it's crazy and so it came down from corporate I'm so glad I don't work in this field anymore it came down from corporate that uh you had to interpret it calls faithfully though you would know that um how slimy does that feel that works yeah it's gonna and so the way that I combatted it and I wish I'd actually I should have just broken the rule now in retrospect I should have just told the person yeah this is a scam you should hang up you should hang up this person stealing your money I didn't do that but what I would do is I would do two things I would I did do is I took half a cut of what these Nigerian princes were saying no no I took notes on how they ran their scam and I would do it directly yeah because they would trust me because I thought why why have the middle man I can go directly to these deaf people and take advantage of them what I would um do is I would roll my eyes a lot and I would point at the person and go like make faces like uh and then I would sign what they were saying and then the other thing I would do is I would if they had any accent at all now I feel like a coward in retrospect I should have said something but if at any accent I'd always say always did I would tell the person sorry I can't understand your accent and I would I would disconnect or call I would just hang up but what could I do that too because they could just call back to another interpreter who would run the scam you know what I'm feeling really bad I should have said something you're like oh now the more I explore this the less resolve I have this issue um I ask you uh ask them all I all day all day I can't get all these um oh there's there was there's a lot um a lot of people sending questions um so one that kept coming back is uh people a lot of people wanted you to do some variation of your Stephen Hawking because they say that you have a pretty epic Stephen Hawking oh yeah one person suggested that you do a racist Stephen Hawking but we covered the race stuff thank you tofer dario and instagram I can do what was even talking you do woke Stephen Hawking yeah okay um uh so uh Stephen um what do you think about issues uh with the lgbt q community right now they are grmira I want to first say first and foremost that I want to apologize for some of the things I've said in the past about release relations you know I've been watching a lot of videos online and I have really understood and awoken to the realities of the precision that we are in globally and politically of course I am a hardcore Trump voter but this time I will be voting for Bernie Sanders I feel the burn baby what was your question um well I I'll ask you a different question uh this this time uh right now uh right away dear dameia I want to tell you I am a big fan you're a big fan of pints of hockey yeah bro I love kiltoni I love jerna and I are wonders hey now uh we have uh somebody who is from the bay area who's very well versed in hip-hop I've heard that you even enjoy hip-hop Stephen Hawking absolutely who is your favorite rapper my favorite rapper well I you know me I go in for the gangster shit oh it's gotta be exclusively west coast baby I like the game bro the game the game hell yeah life's in vp yeah you know what I'm saying perhaps in vp nothing about me nothing about me he's not going anywhere he's that I just like the game I'm a blood you're steve hong you're you're a blood blood gang bitch I would think you're a crip no dog don't ever say that to me again you ever put that c word on me again I'm going to ride all over your foot with my wheelchair that has red rags hanging from it that's your threat is that you're just gonna roll over my foot that sounds like pretty unassuming well you would assume that because your intellect is so unbelievably low as compared to mine I'm one of the smart don't you what is that face you're if I could make a facial expression you would right now see that I don't give a fuck about you being offended below here's the thing I my blood blood did I die blood I will run over your foot okay so you're hanging out on motherfucker I'm sorry I'm up to you but then when you're trapped under why don't know why is it something more eastern European it's a little Indian but I want to apologize if I did sound Indian Indian accent at any moment I could be in a Steven the hugging Indian accents are not funny they are not a comedy game they are real people while I am a blood I am also woke so listen I'm gonna pin down your foot villain I am going to take out my nine milli mill stick it in your asshole and shoot your until your guts come out of your mouth now what do you think about having sex with multiple women because I've heard that you know you had multiple wives and you have a lot of children and stuff so how constant are you smashing Stephen Hawking well I want to say first and foremost I have made a lot of mistakes and in my past I'm realizing that my power imbalance that I used to find women in sexual positions was not exactly the kind of consent that I want in the future consent culture is complicated but I have a lot to learn but I have also learned a lot so while I have the past of blood gang affiliation and womanizing I also have room to grow it says a lot about you thanks dog thanks blood well thanks for coming on the show Stephen Hawking I really appreciate it okay peace out bitch wow he was very rude and a lot of it more hard than I thought he would be yeah well a lot of people don't know that about Stephen like yeah the reality is that if you've got to IQ that high you're gonna see that the bloodway is the only way I mean that's just that's just the truth bloodway is the only way blood baby I'm raps MVP and I go nowhere I do remember that I was like I said the game or he said the game and I was like I don't think I know game saw oh no man no time go ahead yeah you know me I'm raps MVP and I go nowhere so just we get about it go ahead and leave me I am a habs MVP or an MVP or an MVP I'm raps MVP and I ain't going anywhere just forget about it we are going to do this next segment and then we'll wrap up a sex talk we're gonna do the kindness challenge the kindness challenge every week every week every week you know every week you know every week you know every you know every week you know every week you know every week you know every week you know every week I think about the civil war and how things could be okay you're not like a senior you have to go fuck man all right fine I'm your baby you are becoming an issue on the show all right I see it Stephen hold up hold up okay dog you can roll with me come on below okay both you have to leave just for a moment okay every week I ask you guys the listeners as well as myself to do something nice out of the kindness of your heart for somebody doesn't matter how big it is doesn't matter a little as much contributing something positive to society right so I have people send in their letters or kindness challenge letters to jeremywanders at gmail.com I read them here on the show and I wonder what they may sound like because I have no queue as far as pictures or anything goes but in the first line they sometimes tell me where they're from so here we go this person is from Tulsa Oklahoma so here we go hey Jeremiah my name is Justin I'm from Tulsa Oklahoma the other night I was picking up some groceries and as I made my way out of store man standing outside barefoot asking for a ride down the street I agreed to give him a ride and as I was driving I asked him what size shoes he wore his size was one smaller than mine I took my left shoe off and told him tried on and he said it fit pretty good when we got to where he was going I gave him the right shoe he offered me his last five bucks and told him I told him not to worry about it it would come back to me eventually any who that's my story thanks have a nice day did he write any who he did write any I liked him so much until that any tell the who I was such a great guy and I'm like oh any who I'm not walking a mile in that guy's shoes well obviously he's not anymore either give away that's an intense thing to do actually isn't that really nice that is picking up somebody not only just the ride of a stranger that's nice but giving literally giving them the shoes off your feet that's a it made me think I do wear van slip-ons a lot it'd be so easy for me to give somebody my shoes yeah maybe I'll try that I mean not those fresh greens these are brand new but you know some older older one yeah yeah I'm trying to do nice things but not too nice yeah yeah exactly have you done something that you call that you think would qualify as a kind of challenge that maybe might have an organically recently that you did for somebody that's a great question I well I mean everything's giving I do this thing you know what this what everything's giving I open my dms up on twitter and I buy people turkeys do you really yeah I've done it for like three years now and it's getting more and more difficult because more and more people are asking yeah for it and it's like I don't even care about the money I care about like it's like a lot of because I have to it's people from all over the country yeah and so I have to like open Instacart it's this like thing really complex open Instacart and like Intulsa and then open Instacart in San Luis Obispo and then open so I have to figure out a new system this next year because the last year almost killed me it was like 10 hours of work oh yeah that's I mean that's super super nice what I wanted to do is just like buy 50 turkeys drive around LA dropping about people's houses I mean that'd be cool yeah maybe next year I'll just do LA but yeah so my question is on just I mean that's a very nice thing that you're doing for real first of all but when you're opening your dms up like are you interacting with these people or are you just seeing their messages and then just sending them I interact with them because once you the way the Instagram is kind of weird once you open it up I know you can't close it back I know you have to block them that'd be a very funny thing to do right there's a turkey bits block that's like a weird feature of Instagram like once you open that door it does not close I know I know so like the rest of the year did they hit you real hard there's not hard but I've had some people hit me up later in the year and it's like to be honest with you my system is I just ignore them I give them the turkey and then they're like hitting me up on some other shit it's like I don't have time right right right look at my DMS yeah I mean that's the idea yeah I don't look at my DMS for the rest of the year yeah I mean yeah the DMS get crazy I try to be kind to people that's awesome I like that kind of challenge it's cool right it's like positive momentum and energy and people love like on the road people always tell me in person they're like I love hearing those stories well the thing is that helping other people is a surefire way to get out of your own problems if at least for a moment there's no better way to escape from your own issues than to help somebody with theirs yeah guaranteed yeah that's I think that's what that what I've heard from some friends of mine who have like been in AA and stuff they're like that's like a healing mechanism is doing nice things for other people for sure there's nothing that you can't it's very difficult to think about yourself thinking about somebody else yeah and that is the issue the world thinking about ourselves too much right get off your phones help somebody yeah do it up shut it down shut it down let's get to this final segment sax talk forget it I was gonna be your uncle your uncle I think I yeah I think I know where he's going all right so we're gonna close out this show with some sax talk I prepped motion before the show started to share a story of any sexual encounter doesn't matter how innocent or graphic is up to motion discretion I'm gonna follow you along with this sweet sweet saxophone whenever you're ready pal I will follow you all right should I do my regular voice yeah all right let's do this so this is the first time I went to burning in 2001 actually the truth is I went to 2001 in 19 I went to bring up the first seven ninety six but didn't come back to 2001 and it felt like the first time and I met this girl and we were getting along really well and we're hanging out and we started to make out in the we're at the big rave tent and this big party and we started making out it felt really good it felt great it's one of those you know one of those make outs where your stomach is kind of like turning a little bit and you're like I really like this girl I see something special and things got a little hotter and heavier in the make out sash so the issue was though the rave tent that we were at was like all the way across the event from from my tent and like it's a long long walk together to get from one side of burning man to the next it's like a 25 minute walk and I took her hand and I said would you want to come back to my tent with me and she said yes and I was very excited and we're walking across open pli and we're about halfway back when I see the porta pottys and keep in mind we've been we've been holding hands since the rave tent we're holding hands we're like cupcake and a little bit as the kids say and we're holding hands and and walking and I see the porta potty and I have to I have to use the porta potty before I go go back to bed so I grab a whole handful of toilet paper to wrap you know I grab a handful of toilet paper because it's dark in the porta pot as you can't see what's in there what's on the seat and I my plan is to take all the toilet paper and just do a wipe of the of the speckled urine speckles that I'm sure are there before I sit down I guess I had to shit too I don't know what it was but I was just gonna do a little wipe just do a little just a swipe of urine so I do the wipe I just do the wipe swipe motion with a handful of paper and I credit card swipe my hand through a pile of ice cold human shit and now now I'm in it I have a I have a serious dilemma I mean my hand is covered in a stranger's ice cold shit there's no sink it's a porta potty for god's sake and standing outside of the toilet is a woman who I've been holding hands with for the last 20 minutes as I've been walking with her and I just don't know what to do so I wipe off as much of the shit as I possibly can I ball my hand into fists and I walk outside and say to the woman who's been holding my hand for 20 minutes follow me and I walk about like 10 paces faster than her as fast as I can back to the tent and grab a bunch of water and do my best to clean it up and avoid fingering her that night but is it the truth is it ended up all right that's the end of the story so did did now did you guys end up hooking up oh yeah we banged oh sorry do you want to do a riff for this that's what I was saying when I was saying it ended up all right I cleaned up as best I could but you know what the good news was I didn't have any people on my ding dong so we did end up having sex that night but I kept my hands as far away from her faces I could possibly get them and that my friends is a burning man tail yeah oh I like that I like that a lot Jeremiah yeah yeah Jeremiah like to see you yeah I was listening to that to tell that story to be honest it was relatable I went through a similar situation with the squad during the war I was walking back to her tent yeah and same old thing I fell down fell into a train my whole side left side of my body was covered with human poop and she was so sweet about it she gave me in the river we made love that night and I just realized that right now listening to that story that is very possible that I have a small Native American child out there and that's really making me think maybe my ideas about race and race relations have been wrong with this whole 200 years or what not and I just I need to think about a lot I went through a similar situation with my own ideas yes even it's like sometimes all of a sudden growth you know sometimes happens slowly but sometimes it happens like a great pop Jeremiah like in senior we actually have your son calling into the show oh my god oh this is Jeremiah walk in senior or what's your name son oh Tyler I love that name because it reminds me of the culture that I like but I so foolishly I gave myself to but I feel like oh you're so much young Tyler are you sure I'm your daddy my family anything anything I need to make this right oh you're a gamer yeah oh my god I'm a gamer too uh-huh yes son listen we could play online sometime let's have a Marty you're a Carter I'm a Carter bro oh son oh the car you a little Wayne fan you like you just like me in every way wait can I see one last question son how do you feel about race mingling oh I love you so much son I'm gonna come to wherever you are getting that BS and then we're gonna play online for the rest of time many and many moons wow I'm glad that we got kind of rectification and closure for germin walk in senior you know that's so family reunion man they're finally reconnecting and that's your father that's my great great grandfather I don't exactly know how that works because I was your great uncle but yeah that's your father yeah and your and your great great grandfather oh yeah yeah yeah his son his son would be my great great father yeah that's your great great father wow wow that's so cool man it's so this is like an episode of that show where they tell you what you know your your what your family did in the past yeah it's beautiful you're beautiful you're beautiful thank you for having me can do you want do you need to plug anything oh for all those that made it to the end yeah sure listen my podcast the endless honeymoon podcast I also do another one called the hound tall discussion series like a tall dog a tall hound and I'll be in denver at the high place company festival at the end of this very month perfect this will be out before the end of the month I love you Jeremiah you're a good man already okay I love you dog I love you back bro come on bro I hope to see you more man I love you you know what you know what I love you dog no I love you dog there's only one thing that makes me happy it's the comedy of Jeremiah Watkins I love oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah well if you're the rest of the podcast that we're just looking at you what we've done for the next 20 minutes and then finally finally you ended up sleeping with victim number two and it's me what peace out to you