Welcome back to Jeremiah Wonders. Thank you so much for viewing, listening. However, you are consuming this podcast. A great way to support the show is by getting some merch over at jeremywenders.com.
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And many more. Get at JeremiahWenders.com as well as this awesome bison t-shirt. You know what that joke is all about if you listen to Kill Tony or if you listen to any of the Jeremiah Wonders Roadcast. My guest is Mark Norman today, fresh off of the Tonight Show and the Joe Rogan experience.
Very excited to have him on. He will be on very shortly. Got to get through a couple announcements. I want to thank Speedweed, the amazing company who allows me to record here and helps produce this podcast.
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Thank you so much for listening and watching the show. And without further ado, please welcome my pal, all the way from New York City. Mark Norman on Jeremiah Wonders. We're starting any time now.
Are you using this as well or does all of me? That's all you. All right. I'm a little closer.
A little closer to you. Get comfortable. All right. Well, I've been trying my whole life.
Can't get comfortable. There we are. Oh, watch me do a little extends. Do some extends.
All right. For boners. Yeah. You can extends it's that fucking 7-Eleven.
Can you really? Yeah. So if you ever have a boner problem, gauge, feel free to get that. Forget that extends.
Well, we've just started the show because I definitely want that to be the beginning. Oh, there you go. Mark making fun of our producer gauge and his empathy and see problems. Hey, I had a problem.
I have a problem where if I like the girl, I can't get up. Really? Yeah. If I really truly have a crush and like her and connect, I can't get it up.
But if I if it's some random scally wag, I'm hard as a rock. Really? Yeah. I don't know why I guess I got connection issues.
Wow. You're like, yeah, nothing. It means I really like you. Don't take it the wrong way.
So it's a mixed message for the whore, you know, because she's like, what the hell do you like? I'm like, I do. That's why I'm a squishy accordion down there. A squishy what a jellyfish attached.
Yeah, I guess they're all squishy. Yeah, they're all they're all squishy. A little redundant. When is I some you got a boner pill or pill?
I think it's a boner bill. A boner bill. I was last time you had a boner bill. That's good.
That was a Clinton interview. Yeah, I had one I jerk off where I came here. Did you really? Oh, but you said pill.
I was been a while. You had a wakin' Jake? I went out, got breakfast. I hated myself and then I rubbed one out because somebody scanks in this town.
Beautiful, beautiful, gash all over the sunset. Boulevard, it's bananas out there. I mean, yeah, it is. It's great.
I mean, New York, obviously I live in New York and there's a lot of lovely, lovely, feminine is, but in LA, it's like lights out. Well, they dress way differently here. I noticed from when I visit New York is you guys have like a true like business district where you're like, oh, these are women. Oh, yeah, they're pants suits.
They're pants suits. They're dresses like all the way down like past the knee, like with like boots and everything dressed for winter. Really professional and it's like attractive in a very different way. And then you can out here in LA and it's just like no clothing.
Yes, the short shorts, cut offs, the tiny tea. It's a, it's a cuckoo and I'm not complaining. And then they're just out there. I hate to be a father.
Yeah, you know, a lot of disappointments running around here out in LA. Isn't that weird when you're a dad and you have a daughter, you're just making someone that other people get to fuck. Yeah. Isn't that crazy?
Yeah. And then they have a kid. I mean, they do other things as well, but basically if you boil all down that their men are just sex is just and ladies are just holes. All right.
This is all getting out of hand. I say we're both we're both objects. The thing that I'm trying to say is that if you're a lady, you just get dumped in. Yeah, you pull out.
Yeah, but you could dump in. Yeah, good point. It's true. So, but I'm not saying I don't want to say that women are just holes.
I'm so they're not just holes. No, they have their brains with holes. Yes. And we have holes as well.
I'm going to make holes big balloon knot back there. Oh, really? Oh, that's back there, huh? Oh, with the hair and the dingleberry.
I'm a I'm all over the road. Sorry. I'm hung over in gay. No, I know I love what's happening right now.
Yeah, really. Well, you know what I did the Rogan pod. You got to be kind of like you got to be on and ready and talk about anything and open for anything but here I can just be me more. Yeah, I like it's funny.
I have a lot of comics come on the show. They're like, what is the show exactly? I'm like, whatever like normal conventional interview show they're used to. Throw that right out.
I love it. I hate convention. Right? I used to live in a convent.
Really? No, of course not. None. That would be a guy.
What an idiot. None's are so stupid. We're wasting your whole existence on some fake deity blow me. Penguin.
Did you say blow me to a nun? Yeah. Yeah, they could use it like a little excitement. Oh, no, one of the sisters is calling into the show right now.
Oh, excuse me. Is this Mr. Norman? This is he?
Yes, did you just say blow me to the nuns? Yeah, yeah, come on. Take off that habit and suck on this crucifix. Crucidix.
Okay, I don't appreciate your word play with Jesus Christ. I don't think it's funny whatsoever. And I think you may be burning in hell very soon there. I'm sure I will be, but in the meantime, get a little communion wafer in you.
What do you mean by communion wafer? I did it earlier in the week. Yes, I took communion. What do you mean by that?
You know, put me in your mouth. A little holy water will do you good. Swallow it. The effecan.
Dooish. Did you just call me? I, my name is Sister Agnes. I've been at the church for 47 years.
Okay. I gave my life over to Jesus Christ and I don't appreciate you. You're making a mockery out of my religion. Well, that's what I'm talking about.
You gave your life away to some fake book. Come on, you retard. Let's get cooking. You're just calling me a retard.
I am a sister of the Lord and I don't appreciate you throwing these slurs my way. Well, I have it. You forgive me, skank. I will forgive you.
I'm going to forgive you so hard. You have no idea. Yeah, bring it, bitch. Bring the paddle.
You are really making me channel my inner goodness right now and remembering what the Lord told me to do is to forgive. Turn the other cheek. Yes. Yeah.
Let's see that cheek. Okay. You don't have to take everything I say and make it sexual. Okay.
Sorry. Sorry. Praise Allah. That's a different religion altogether.
Well, how come that one's no good. But yours is good. Does that feel a little biased? I mean, we just feel that ours is the correct one.
Yes. The correct one. Oh, I don't know. That's a fighting word.
You're going to have an ISIS coming through here in a minute. Okay. Well, peace be with you and I hope that you find the Lord and also with you. Wow.
I don't know if you know this, but it has a pretty wide reach. It's very similar to the Joe Rogan experience where a lot of different people listen to it and anybody can call in at any moment. So you might want to keep that in mind. All right.
Depending on who you know, maybe you might want somebody calling into the show or you know, maybe not like what just happened. Well, maybe a priest will hear it and pull his dong out of that kid. All right. I'm having the cameras on.
Yeah. I know the cameras were on. Mark, we actually started a while ago. Oh, I thought we were just dicking around.
Oh, no, no, no. Yeah. I actually whenever I invite people to hang out, I'm like, just put on these headphones. I never tell them they're on a podcast.
Yeah. I'm going to throw these on just a little bit of it. Hey, I just want to say, I don't know what just happened, but you put on sunglasses and you started looking really cool. Oh, thank you.
Thank you. Yeah, you're doing a lot of finger guns for those audio listeners out there. Yes, you got that right. Sorry.
Yeah. I feel I feel like if I was blind, you know, the sunglasses perk to wear inside and it's it's allowable. What do you call it? It's not it's not looked down upon.
Yeah. Yeah. Larry David once said the only people are sunglasses inside are blind people and assholes. And today I'll be the asshole.
Do you watch you watch curb? He's my hero. Larry David. I love him.
I love his stuff as show is his act is I love sign for all of his whole sexy demeanor. So I was at a Hollywood party and my wife was with me and she just goes she comes up to me. She goes, I just met L.D. What?
And I go like it like I didn't know like in the context of who she was talking about because she he's only referred to L.D. In his shell and I go, what are you talking about? She goes, Larry David. Oh my God.
And I was like, oh, that's that's pretty cool. It was one of those like comedian parties where like random like huge comics were showing up and I was like, oh, this is this is wild. Crazy. He's still like 79 or whatever.
It's crazy. He's still going to parties. Oh, yeah. That is wacky.
I mean, dude, he's got to find material to have problems with things. Right? I guess he always says you got to get out of the house. He's got to get out of the house.
And I think he's single now. So he's probably a problem. Yeah. Yeah.
I met him once at Amy Schumer's wedding. I didn't really we said hello. She introduced me. He was like 10 feet away and we did like a hello.
Yeah. Yeah. And I could just tell he was cool and funny. And when I pulled up to the wedding, they made you get in line in your car to like park and he was behind me and I saw him in my rear view mirror and him in the valet.
And I was like, I'm watching a curb at right behind me. The sun really is my hero. He's 10 feet away from me. Was he to see drive that BMW still the like the mini kind of a Prius when I saw him?
Okay. Yeah. Which is also on the show. Also.
Yeah. Yeah. Everybody you come to LA. You get a Prius a Tesla.
Yeah. Tesla. That's huge right now. That's true.
Yeah. It's kooky. And everybody gets everybody just starts working for Uber eventually. There's this there's since you love curb so much.
There's this infamous story at the Comedy Store where Jeff Garland brought his new car and to the Comedy Store and he was telling one of the lock eyes like, hey, don't scratch my car. Okay. Yeah. And then like he gets out and then he starts seeing the movie goes, you know what?
I got it. I'll let me let me move it. And I guess he backed up and he did it himself and you just see him inside. Oh, that's a steering wheel.
I mean, it's perfect. It's like literally a curve episode. It really is. And that might be the funniest thing he's ever done.
All right. Sorry, Jeff. He gets it. But that's a that's too bad you can't do that on stage.
Yeah, right. But I'm sure he ranted about it. He's not a tough guy. He has no real material.
He's very off the cuff. Yeah. Yeah. I've seen him a bunch of times and he'll have a couple kind of loose bits, but it's mostly riffing with the crowd.
Yeah. Yeah. Very rancy. I could never do that.
I could never go waste. I don't want to say waste people's time because people really he's a celebrity. But like I saw a guy on stage of the day just going like, man, I really missed my dad. I'll tell you that I'm like, you think we give a fuck?
You got to make this fun. I have none of that in me. I have such a low self esteem. I'm like, I got to eat people and pay and I got a baby.
So we got to bring the heat here. Yeah. I don't have any of that confidence of like, I'm just going to riff it up and talk about my day and pontificate. What are you kidding?
I have a people got a valet for this. It's true. Yeah. That's right.
But that's also issues with that shit. What? But you're, but you've done, I will say you've done my show, Stand Up On The Spot. Yes.
You were fantastic at it. Oh, yeah. Well, thank you. That was a hot show, by the way.
It was fun. I wish I filmed that guy, but that was a that's I'm on my feet. Am I I'm fucking freaking out all time like keeping funny. Say something else.
You know, I want it to go well and a lot of I don't get those people go, what else is going on? Don't you hate those comments to go on stage and go, what do I want to talk about? Oh, no. Yeah.
They go, what else? What else? Yeah, you know about this all day. We didn't you didn't get Cosby and then we put in a burlap sack and then three on the stage like, Whoa, where am I?
Oh, like he had nine hours to think about this. Yeah, I have an issue. I mean, some some of it is people style, I guess, when they do the notebook thing, but I'm not a fan of that. No, no, no, I'm like, I'm like, do a show.
You're like, like, you're like, I'm all about the performance. Like, if I riff, I have a direction in mind. It's never like, right. It's never like, well, what should I talk about?
It's like, no, I know exactly what I'm going to talk about. And I'm going to try to mine that for as much as I can and get to. No, you're Grapesinger. You're burning calories up there.
You're pulling people you sing in, you're dancin', you're jacking, you're driving, you're doing voices. The whole thing. The whole thing. And as a comic, I appreciate it.
I'm like, that guy's working. Trying. Trying. Yeah, yeah, we all like it.
So you said you're a huge L.D fan. So I mean, a lot of people are wondering, they're curious because recently, and I was very excited. I'll tell you my point of view when I saw the clip that you posted about Seinfeld mentioning you. Oh, the Mets game.
Yeah, the Mets game. I literally was sitting, I was like at my office desk chair and I was like scrolling in between like this writing or something. And that video popped out. I was like, what's Mark posting about?
Yeah, yeah. And I started watching it because your caption was, it wasn't like to like, I can't believe this. You know what I mean? It was just kind of like this cool thing happened.
Right. It was like a subtle thing. And I was like, oh, what's going on here? And then basically, if you don't know, Seinfeld was asked like who are some of his favorite up-and-coming comics.
And he said, there's a guy named Mark Norman who he hasn't broken through yet, but I think he's going to be huge. And he's my favorite guy right now. Met the world of me. And it's got to be one of those things that's so surreal because me completely me experiencing it from your friend on an opposite coast.
I was just like, yes, one of the guys is getting recognition. They deserve, you know what I mean? Yeah, I appreciate it. Thank you.
And you know, we can talk about Netflix specials and HBO all day or getting your own TV show, which would be huge. But this is such a specific personal gift to me. Like, and my friend Joe lists, but it well, he's like, the beauty of this is they can't take it away from you. You know, like this is on video for the whole world to see recorded.
I can put on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, which I did, but it's just right there. And I can listen to it anytime I want. And it's so funny because I was trying to sell something and they were like, well, you know, my agent's like, you know, we got to get some clips of big comics like Amy Schumer and Michael Che. Michelle, well, how much they like you?
I'm like, well, what about that? And I'm like, could you get Seinfeld email Netflix? I'm like, what about the video? Yeah, what are you talking about?
Enough, you can't like more you need these industry quacks are such queefs. I hate them. They're clueless. Quacks are queefs.
Yeah. I want to quit. These two, but they quit that. Me.
They know nothing. Go get gets an email email that this is better. This is him as saying it randomly like on a whim. It's not like we asked him to, you know, so I'm sorry.
I went off on a thing there, but yeah, it was a pretty mind blowing. And it was actually something your mom cared. My mom's like, wow, this is my mom doesn't give a shit about anything. So like my mom cared about it.
She actually called me. She's like, Bobby, did you? Oh, that's nice. Norman, but it just shows it like it's all comics comics are, you know, Tony will help you out or who are Rogan.
It's all comics who have to like step in and fight for each other. Yeah. I mean, that's the only way we all like kind of rise. Yeah, totally.
That's true. Because the industry, it's just a finance guy in comedy, you know, he doesn't know what they all go. I love prior. You know, give me one bit.
Right. You like him because it's popular. Exactly. And then they all love Louie, but then when Louie goes to hell, they all go, I never liked him.
So it's like, what are you? You're spinalist. You got you stand for nothing. Well, that's the thing about like some of the Louis stuff is like people like after he after what happened.
Some people were trying to knock on his calm down. Like, what are you talking about? I hate because then you're like, okay, well, now everything you say is nothing now. Yeah.
And it's all conditional, like a dandelion blowing. Right. Okay, if it blows this direction, then that's the way you're going to follow. Yes, I'm a big fan or I don't know what the word is, but I hate trends.
I hate like I've dressed and had the same look since I was eight. You know what I mean? I got special needs shoes. I got a t-shirt on a light jacket, a jizz stain gene, and I got shit in my underwear and I don't care.
Like, oh, this is hip. I mean, you know, you get a little of this little that here and there, but like, you know, those hot ladies where those clunky white shoes are like big chunky, those shoes look fucking stupid, but you're only wearing them because they're in and then in two weeks, they won't be in. So you spent six grand on these retard clogs. And now you have to just be that.
Are you that bankrupt, interesting wise that you have to buy these shoes to like show, I'm with it. I'm not out to lunch. I'm here, folks. I know what's going on.
You know what's going on. Make your own shit. Be yourself. Create something instead of just, oh, just go.
That's what we're doing. That's cool. People like that. All right.
I'll do it. So that just shows if you're willing to wear those ridiculous shoes, that means you're willing to go with some ridiculous fed of the time, which is let's ruin this guy's career. Oh, we all hate him. Okay.
So you're willing to just go with the flow. It's cheap bullshit. Sorry. No, no, no.
All I can think from like, I was thinking of you or my stumble upon like what if they clicked forward in the episode and they just see that section. They're like, man, this blind guy has a lot of opinions. Yeah, this is the lights are bright and the vodka's really piercing my brain. Really kicking in.
Yeah. Well, you are going to love this next segment. It's a newer fan favorite segment of the show. And I didn't tell you about it quite yet because I want you to be genuinely into it.
This segment is called wig. Kristen. Nope. Oh, the actual wig.
Oh, stay tuned. Stay tuned. Oh, look at that. It's a thank you.
Harry box. All right. Yes. You're favorite of Harry box.
Yeah. Now in this box is an assortment of wigs. Okay. Now you're going to pick one for me to put on.
Okay. And I'm going to pick one for you to put on. And then we're going to figure out who these people are. Okay.
Okay. Like a celebrity or we going to just make up. We're going to make up a human being. If it turns into a celebrity, that's fine too.
But all right. So I kind of want you. I've won picked out for you. Okay.
But I think we'll be fun. I kind of want to see this. I kind of want to see what you look like in this. And this is a beard.
Oh, that's like a ZZ top. Yeah. Yeah. I'm more of a ZZ bottom.
Hey. Oh, all right. So this is you and beard is optional. If you want to throw the beard to I'm too lazy.
You want me to do what I'll do it. But you got to unpack it and see man. This is good. This is already good.
Huh? Okay. Which one which one would you like me to put on? I want you to put on the sexy black short one there.
This one right here. Yes. Oh, wow. Okay.
Short black like Kevin Hart. Yeah. Where does that come from by the way? What's that?
You sign off. I've seen you sign off and you actually just did it on the tonight show. Yeah. Which was really fun.
Thank you. You said I'm Kevin Hart good night. Yes. They hate it by the way.
But do they? Well, for me, it was two things. One, I would bomb so much that I would get annoyed with the crowd and be like, oh, you guys don't get me. So I was like, I'm just going to say a random name after I'm not going to say my own name.
And it just kind of stuck into it's kind of a joke. So why not get as many jokes as you can? So I get a joke on my sign off. You know, that's a good point.
That's all it is. Like if we can get more zingers in there, let's do it. Yeah. More hot.
Yeah. Oh, look at that. Yeah. That's fun.
It's not. I thought it was a late. That's more of a dude wig, I guess. Yeah.
I thought it was like a hot lady like Bob. Like a Bob. Yeah. No, this is more of like a bill.
Yeah. Who you look like? Yeah. Maybe Adrian Brody a little bit.
Okay. Yeah. A little bit. All right.
Well, but who do I look like? Okay. Okay. This guy might see.
I think that this guy is the kind of guy who is holding on to his youth. Okay. I love David Spade. Could be that.
All right. Could be that doesn't have to be a celebrity. Can be. Yeah.
I think that this guy is a video game tester. Oh, all right. I'll give you that. Yeah.
I am a virgin. Okay. And I think this guy is a video game tester. He's holding on to his youth and he hasn't had sex in seven years.
Wow. Okay. That's what I'm getting from this guy right here. He's trying real hard though.
All right. All right. All right. Now.
What do I know? What is this vibe give you this this this do? I also want to add that I'm in a cover band. I'm in a matchbox 20 cover band.
I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it.
I love it. Zip 019. Zip 019. Yeah.
Great. Okay. So you. Okay.
You look like a lift driver who also works at the Hollywood bowl. Taren tickets. Okay. And you love kpop for some reason.
You got a weird guilty pleasure about kpop. You know Korean pop. Oh no. I love it.
And you love subway sandwiches. You can't get enough of that foot long. Okay. And you're questioning your sexuality.
Okay. You're curious. You're might be by your jerk off to Ryan Gosling. But you've never actually had a gay experience.
Okay. Great. Perfect. So this is John Cryer.
Okay. So this is the situation you said I'm a lift driver. I'm picking you up to actually your headed to a video game convention. You're about to review some of the newest video games.
And I'm a little bit of a two-talkative of a lift driver. Okay. All right. Here we go.
Oh boy. Now we have a small talk option. I saw that. I know.
That's crazy. Yeah. I like to think my bit did I had a bit about it. And now it happened.
And it happened. So but yeah. All right. Sorry.
Sorry. Coffee. Hi. Is this for?
Is this for Reginald? You got that right, bitch. Regie here. Reginald my father.
I'd like to go by Reginald. Okay. Regie. Regie.
Sorry. Okay. So where you I see the address where you headed today. Oh, and the old video game convention.
Yeah. The new red dead Call of Duty Redemption is out. Oh, I've heard of Halo. I've heard of that.
Fortnite. Sounds kind of intriguing. Oh, yeah. It's going to be a doozy.
I already got carpal tunnel and yeah, I'm going to die alone. Hey, Grandma ahead. Carpal tunnel. I'm sorry.
Oh, sorry. Well, you know, she's old. Hey, what kind of music would you like me to? Do you look like you're in a band?
You got it right. Yeah. I'm in a Zippo 19. What is that?
It's a matchbox 20 cover band. Thank you very much. I mean, not to put chance five. Would you mind maybe singing?
Sure. I mean, I'm sure you're going to cover songs and you're gone. Baby ID to come home. That's all I says.
A little bit of me and a lot of Jews in you. Wow. You sound a lot like them. Oh, thank you.
Thank you. Yeah. Yeah, they've actually got contact with us and threatened to sue. Oh, wow.
Zippo 19 is really making the now. I'm curious. Sorry. I keep looking at you in my rear view mirror.
No problem. Clark, you know, if you you said to you, did you see what you're going to this video game at Center for? Oh, yeah. Well, I'm going to test it out.
Because I'm such a good player. How do you? Oh, you're player. You're a bad boy.
Yes. Yes, I've got diarrhea. I don't know what that meant. But yeah, go on to the video game and they're going to call me in to, you know, test it out and I can always beat any game.
Well, what's the test to know if you're good or bad? Wow. I mean, you put it on easy medium rock card. I will beat that game.
I tell you what you're going to do with that game. I'm going to beat the meat. Oh, joke it. Spank it.
Twist it. Tweak it. Turn it. Rocket.
With the foot on your foot. Skip it. Remember Skip it? Skip it.
Oh, of course I do. Sorry. Well, it looks like it looks like we've arrived. I was quick, man.
I was the quickest ride to say Diego ever. Well, I guess this is goodbye. But did you care if I took down your information? Sure.
Why don't you call my pants, my information. Why don't you take them down? You want me to blow you on this lift right now? Yes.
I've never done anything like this before. I'll give you a lift. I don't know. I can go through this, but I've always had a question whether or not.
Okay. All right. Thank you five stars. Okay.
Here we go. Oh, yeah. Well, you're really good at it for a guy who pretends he's not homosexual. Well, it was good.