Kalithogai 122 – A heart caught between

In this episode, we perceive the confused heart of a lady, as depicted in Sangam Literary work, Kalithogai 122, penned by Nallanthuvanaar. The verse is situated in the ‘Neythal’ or ‘Coastal Landscape’ and reveals an impossible situation in a person’s life. ‘கோதை ஆயமும் அன்னையும் அறிவுற,போது எழில் உண்கண் புகழ் நலன் இழப்ப,காதல் செய்து அருளாது துறந்தார்மாட்டு, ஏது இன்றி,சிறிய துனித்தனை; துன்னா செய்து அமர்ந்தனை;பலவும் நூறு அடுக்கினை; இனைபு ஏங்கி அழுதனை;அலவலை உடையை’ என்றி தோழீ!கேள், இனி: மாண் எழில் மாதர் மகளிரோடு அமைந்து, அவன்காணும் பண்பு இலன் ஆதல் அறிவேன்மன்; அறியினும்,பேணி அவன் சிறிது அளித்தக்கால், என்நாண் இல் நெஞ்சம் நெகிழ்தலும் காண்பல் இருள் உறழ் இருங் கூந்தல் மகளிரோடு அமைந்து, அவன்தெருளும் பண்பு இலன் ஆதல் அறிவேன்மன்; அறியினும்,அருளி அவன் சிறிது அளித்தக்கால், என்மருளி நெஞ்சம் மகிழ்தலும் காண்பல் ஒள் இழை மாதர் மகளிரோடு அமைந்து, அவன்உள்ளும் பண்பு இலன் ஆதல் அறிவேன்மன்; அறியினும்,புல்லி அவன் சிறிது அளித்தக்கால், என்அல்லல் நெஞ்சம் மடங்கலும் காண்பல் அதனால்,யாம நடு நாள் துயில் கொண்டு ஒளித்தகாம நோயின் கழீஇய நெஞ்சம்தான் அவர்பால் பட்டதாயின்,நாம் உயிர் வாழ்தலோ நகை நனி உடைத்தே. The evening’s gone and the verse has turned abstract! The words can be translated as follows: “‘Revealing to your garlanded playmates and your mother by making your beautiful, flower-like, kohl-streaked eyes lose their beauty, after loving you, he had parted away without grace, unreasonably. So, you are a little angry; You sit and ponder upon his shortcomings, coming up with hundreds of flaws; And then with suffering and yearning, you shed tears. Such is your sorrow’, you declare to me, my friend! Listen to me now. Courting those maiden with esteemed beauty, he has no desire to come see me. I know this very well. Even though I do, whenever he happens to show a little care and affection, behold how my shameless heart melts for him! Courting those maiden with black tresses akin to darkness, he has no way of understanding me. I know this very well. Even though I do, whenever he happens to show a little grace and love, behold how my confused heart delights in him! Courting those maiden wearing radiant ornaments, he has no reason to think of me. I know this very well. Even though I do, whenever he happens to embrace me a little, behold how my tormented heart simmers down for him! And so, if my heart has utterly forsaken me and has parted away to him, leaving me in the clutches of a love affliction that lets me sleep not even in the dark hour of midnight, then the fact that I live on is something to be laughed at!” Time to delve into the details. The verse is situated in the context of a man’s parting from a lady prior to marriage and the lady expresses her emotions in this one. She starts by repeating the words said by her confidante, commenting on how the man had parted away, leaving the lady’s beauty to fade, and thereby revealing their relationship to her playmates and mother, adding how the lady was perpetually mulling over the man’s flaws and then crying about him. In response to this comment about her outer state, the lady talks about her inner state to her confidante, mentioning how the man seemed to be courting beautiful maiden with dark tresses and radiant ornaments, and how even though she knows of this, whenever he happens to come by and show a little love or grace, she forgets everything and melts in love. The lady blames her heart for this state, concluding with the words that if it has decided to take sides with the man in this manner, then one can only laugh at the fact that the lady was still alive! The dejection in the lady’s mind about conflicting feelings for the man is evident from this verse. Whether the man really was courting other women or whether these were the suspicions rising in the lady’s mind because he had parted away without saying anything is a moot point. In any case, the way the mind and heart seem to be at loggerheads when in love can be inferred from this timeless expression from the ancient past!