Now I will come in you. Only with a British accent. Right. You know what?
Keep going. It's just Australian, dude. It's not. Let me try.
No, I will come in and I just sound like a Scottish 20. King! Welcome to the show. We're here.
Michael, did you get a massage? I did. Why? I said that in a negative way.
I think it looks true. It does. Thank you. You don't look like a cop.
I'm being negative and I'm not trying to be. I'm not. It looks good. There's people at my local mall.
I live in a community largely of color who identified me as undercover cop. Very much. But you're definitely not the sheriff. You'll never make sheriff.
No. You're always like the co-driver. I'm like the Dewey in Scream. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're Robin, dude. Gordon, what's his face? Love it. Joseph, Jonathan Gordon, love it.
You're white at. I can live with that. I like his shoes. Catherine's.
Catherine's shoes suck. These are badass. He's just swaying. Doc Martin's.
You are the Atlanta blanford's. There's no Atlanta blanford's. There's Georgia Blanford's. No, from Kentucky.
You are racist. Okay, okay. For sure. I'm a racist.
You know what I'm saying? Right. I'm a thriving racist. I'm a girl racist though.
Grosameez. Grosameez. Yeah. You should fight Huk to a girl.
Dude. I think I could take her. Oh, I think you would stomp her. I've been wanting to fight.
I'm very strong. You've been acting background. No. No, I wait left.
I'm very strong not coordinated all horribly, but I will I'm willing to die. I'm willing to die to win Yeah, that's that's no skill willing to die when you're willing to die. You're better than telling yeah That's like a it's like the psychopath That's like you know what you have a gladiators that are fighting and equal strength and they're really strong Right and then one gladiator takes out the strong gladiator and you're like fuck who do we have left? And you're like let's bring out the half girl half spider That's me.
It's not I'm not gonna win my strength. I'm gonna win by psychopath I'm gonna why you was have a spider I'm gonna drop I'm gonna jump on your back. I'm gonna call up your back I'm gonna I'm gonna break your eye Part of the half of spider monkey is way more descriptive. Yeah, yeah I'm not strong I'm not Comparing yourself to non-human living creatures yourself as a human golden I think I may be identified with animals more I do I do I do no one care about humanity I want to say animals as I can in this world is it free?
Yes, we don't care about humanity Yeah, somebody said somebody said if if if a stream is coming on the tracks and you pull the lever and it to go So either it misses a crowd of people on the tracks or on the other side of the tracks it misses one dog What what would you what level would you pull who would you say? I mean the odds of any of those people being anything good in this world a slim to none What I said was I would pull the lever to save the dog because that would be that would be killing two birds with one stone I'm like a dog and then I want less people in the world if my little Phelps was in that ground then I would probably run the dog over Michael Phelps is a great American I think he may be one of the most medals in the history of any living. Yeah, but I think I got here He's good as done. He did he did all the good he could do Oh, and then he would become an icon which people love on Netflix exactly I hate icons and then we put Hollywood back to work by making a documentary about it I think Mike Tyson should be president.
He speaks a lot of good stuff He does like the last the things he said before he was in that embarrassing fight He when he's off his meds because I know a little bit I could be wrong, but I've heard some stuff from personal friends of his that he's medicated and has to be otherwise He will snap and when he's off he's Giggets dark He seemed real dark. He appeared that way. Yeah, and I was like maybe he's off He's made but the things that he said were he it woke me up Like I've tried to be cool my whole life and then they all though I get them I'm like wow that's embarrassing like I've really made a lot of moves to like be impressive, you know Yeah, and then I was like what's it all for? What does it all mean and Mike Tyson and his depression fighting on YouTuber on Netflix spoke a lot of facts when he said to the Little TikTok girl.
Yeah that I don't care about legacy like what I'm dead. We're just dust anyway And I was like yeah, because your legacy when you have a legacy you don't know you're dead And if you're in the clouds with Jesus and stuff that's still like you don't like look down and go That's look at my legacy run like you don't you don't that's my opinion I think even if you go to heaven you don't get to see your legacy down here I saw it as not to get super sad and dark from the beginning. I'm sure we all are probably living in this world now But as somebody who's my mom died and I I was watching I was watching that is that's somebody who's lost somebody very close He wasn't kid. That's literally somebody who's seen and known death the worst part of death I was like I know that I know what that reality is I know what he's saying He's going I've I've had to accept death in the most closest like reality The worst way on this planet that he can see I didn't even see his depression.
I go he I've he has had to hit that reality I wasn't even depression. He was like that that makes sense what he's saying He just said there's so many clips of him saying stuff from like wow for a dumb guy He's a genius no see I Try to say that Jim the one time he was on the radio show years and years ago It was kind of cool because I was talking to him and he was kind of he does this thing where we doesn't when he doesn't want to be there Which is a lot of time He'll just act crazy and say nonsense because he knows people want that rim But allows him to sort of check out at the same time the one time I asked him one thing where he actually like looked up and paid attention I forget how we got through the conversation But I was like I feel like you think people only like you or value you when you're murdering people or doing insane shit Like and that stuff is cool, but you're like an interesting person to take all that shit away Do you not get that and he I for a second you look like oh my god I'm locking ice with Mike Tyson This is so cool But he didn't really then he just went back off and said nonsense and I really wanted him to address that because he never really does He says insane shit. That's funny and awesome, but he says really really smart So really I mean there it's sort of like Yogi Berra where the stuff is stupid But it's smart and over till it's over the whole everybody's got a plan. Yeah, everybody's got a plan till they get punched in the mouth He's like a metaphor for life.
Yeah, of course it is. He's very smart He's probably just also been in this like people have looked at him like he's a god when he walks into a room Probably everyone just you know It's kind of freaking out and when you we've also all been around people like this after a while of living in that reality You stop giving a fuck so much of having to like prove yourself and sell yourself because you're like everybody's acting Preserve Like really Bob Thornton will be like offensive hitting on women Maybe this is completely untrue, but it's almost like it doesn't matter anymore If I'm charming you'll have sex with me and if I'm the biggest fucking obnoxious asshole, you'll still have sex with me Exactly people are always a groundhog's day at a certain point you just start having fun with it Right if people are not looking at you and you want people to look at you You're gonna act a certain way to be like I'll prove I'm worth to be looking at whatever if everyone's always looking at you And you can never turn anywhere no one's no one stops looking at you you start being like well fuck it I don't have to prove myself. This world insane. I'm just gonna have fun imagine the ego you would get from being the The heavyweight champion of the world and having all the cocaine at the same time That's right cuz when you do cocaine to something You think you're the king of the world between wake up in the morning and go shit He did it morning and he was right you are the king of the world Imagine like when he won again because he had like a decade where he beat everybody the most feared human on the planet right And he had cocaine imagine and then you go out and you do a bunch of lines with Eddie Murphy and a couple of other like nights at the Roundtable we were like we are the fucking lords of the universe and it's like an argument we Anybody is you are yeah, I'm not seeing it downside Right okay, no the really isn't He was here he was like well there was this one bit I thought it was this one bit when he was in the ring with a youtuber and he wasn't winning And I was like I said to my girlfriend.
I was like this is payback. She's like what do you mean? I'm like this is the payback. This is where the devil gets you like it's a metaphor But there's a reality to it where the devil you saw you get a deal and you get everything you want and then on the back End he makes you pay in a way where you're like I don't know if it's worth it.
He got 20 million dollars and didn't get hurt. What's the payback? He gets to walk away from that that fight and then go live a lavish life for the rest of his life He also doesn't care about legacy. So go live up the next 20 years of your life It was hey, it was a kid.
It's hurting serious He cares if he's got like I was here. He's gonna get hurt and that was gonna be debilitating That so he literally was like was it payback on him or is it payback on us? It's more when you're Somebody that could demolish that kid and you can't anymore because father time took it it hurts More than more than physical pain. Do you think he really thinks it hurts or does he think ha ha ha you guys care more than I do?
I'm gonna walk away with these 20 million dollars now and go live it the fuck up enjoy Muling over this fight for three weeks and while I'm going to fucking aruba and probably doing cocaine I hope he's not doing cocaine. I think he goes back to way to mushrooms. You think he does cocaine still dude I'm convinced that everybody's still doing cocaine. I think everybody's on his own pick and cocaine I'm not and I'm you know, I don't I don't I assume the worst in that everyone now That's the worst question.
Yeah, do I think you currently using cooking this epic? Yeah, I know dude If I use stuttering with this just say no, it's a pretty simple question. No, I'm not Here's the thing I would be on ozem pick if I have a little bit more money because everybody's looking on it Do I want to be funny worrisome wait? I'm so good.
We're not saying you know, I'm saying dude. You have you seen Christina Aguilera? Yeah, I want to be won't you won't shut up a pattern I want to be You do that oh So bad everyone is a face change those every doesn't make your face change. Yeah, she was a million dollars to put into a face I want that I don't give a shit.
What'd you say? I got hair extensions and I was like I'm my everything's changed I'm getting things now. What yeah, dude. I got hair extensions and like not currently.
Yeah, bro I know she does yeah. Yeah, she caught up. She caught up so they look more realistic now Wait, that's what your real hair most of it is not my real hair and I feel I feel like I can drop off right now Did you just drop off with me in my mind? That's great.
What that's not your real hair I know dude, but my real here's disgusting. I look like the top is your hair, right? Yeah, the very tip top of the wispy part the wispy part I look like a it's like a weave like they tied into just a tiny little stumps I look I look like the cat. I was epic you are like you're like Michael Jackson way You like think you're something that you're not good or bad.
I think I think you think you're bad But you're good now dude you just a little bit a little bit of fucking Natural cocaine. I got after getting these hair extensions. Oh Like give me a zimbit gimme fillers. I don't give a shit anymore.
This is a highlight I've never felt like that now, but I'm you'll know you'll know when I make some money You'll know because I have to reintroduce myself because you won't recognize me. Did you do something to your teeth? They're very shiny. No, I'd just that's what they're like.
Yeah, I love it now You guys are like hell. Yeah, what about this part? Is this fake? Oh?
The only thing that's big is my hair extensions now, but it was a wonderful. It was a I got a taste of it now I want I want the rest, but I will say this I will I'll be completely honest about everything I get Celebrity people aren't honest. I'm like just I know like that's what's so great about share for example She'll fly out like this is what I look like a little amazing I could show you the receipts and she looks oh amazing Oh, so does dolly parton how old are you like 80 dude? She's so hot.
Yeah, and she's like this is a wig These are a middle lady the other day at the at the ranch Which she had really beautiful horse like soon as she was like a bitch lady because my horse is like free to jank horse Mm-hmm. He's a guy who actually came up with her horse and I was like wow that is a beautiful horse and she had gigantic movies and she was old as hell and she had fake lips and some stuff But she was so old that it was like there's only so much you can do you know I mean there was like there was like neck wrinkles and stuff where I was like I damn she's old and it but fell off You know when you get real old you about falls off as in as in she had a fake butt and I said no but oh Yeah, you can't your bones are brittle you can't do more squat. Yeah. Yeah, that's what's happening there But she just seemed like I was like that's a person that's seen some stuff Like I felt like she I'd like to read her book if I read books because you're like if you're old and still have big-ass Perky titties you have quite you got some spunk in you and she had an expense.
Her horse was like it was a Ferrari horse Really? I mean, I don't know because I'm like a horse specialist yet, but just my Small little like cowboy like I got some horse around horses. I was like this horse is like Yeah, he was a badass like all black and then she was tough like if the horses are human it'd be like a politician No, you'll be like Michael Jordan, but like oh, okay. Yeah, it's a stallion big big strong Big big penis he didn't drop his dick at the time You know they sometimes I'll just like they'll be like right when they when they kill it when they just chill It's pretty small.
It's kind of crazy didn't see you as much a threat. I don't think so Like I definitely didn't want to like just like try to bro down right wasn't trying to compete. Yeah Like crazy muscles. He's legs were fucking boom.
You can see like veins through the fur Well, it's like dang skies an athlete, you know, and I was like also this lady. She fell off. She'd be dead Because I was was unless she landed right on the chest that most might be right Protection device I might break the fall right if she weighed like I'm picturing somebody's sort of like dolly part And where she weighs like 110 pounds and 20 of it is fake boobs for sure. How does she even walk?
Yeah, and a little leg remember when she's a cowgirl. She did that halftime show and tiny little twig legs any tiny video I mean she looked at that she there was an Instagram filter on her. Yes. I was like, how are you walking up right?
Yeah, how are you? Not her are you a horse person as well? You are countries all hell I'm hot she is I am She is the epitome of perfect. She's what if an alien came down there like what is this world about such a slitty face?
But goddamn is she not so sweet and she's been married since like forever one got to some guy named Carl I think she may have even been like faithful instead. Yeah, she talks about how he has no interest of being in the limelight When she comes back from being on the road they get in their little RV and they go travel down to the river and have a picnic Right she recreated for like another 50th anniversary or something she was in Playboy not nude But you know a cheesecake pictorial and she recreated it on one of their anniversaries And I saw an Instagram post where she went and like presented it to him But like the back of his heads in the picture because he would not be right is no interest Just while it's just like she is she's the face of America She's the face of generations She's married to somebody who is nameless and okay and wants to be nameless and faceless Yeah, she's like and everything she says is like it crosses like party lines everybody can get behind it. Hopefully, you know It's crazy that you hate you so it's crazy that she has gone She survived the 2016 election the 2020 election and now the 2024 election and one party hasn't deemed her a demon Yeah, she's the only person that survives these elections That's right. There were about five and and hanks got blown out right in the rock got blown out Right and she's the only one that both both parties can be like yeah, she's American hero.
Yes, or anybody else clean use wood That's over I mean we took to the chair itself out of that. Yeah, what he did. Oh, yeah, we had a conversation with the chair No, I don't remember that I just know what happened. He brought a chair out and he taught to it and he didn't go as well He had an argument with the chair and lost.
Yeah, I still can't even figure out which side this is all I know So he was at was a Republican convention and he wanted to like these are a bunch of things He wanted to say to Obama like how could you do this? How could you do that? But of course Obama wasn't gonna come to their convention so he spoke to a chair It was tough yeah, he got mad at the chair and most of the people in the crab like wait Because he's so old you're like it does he think the chairs alive? Yeah, like is this a personal piece that he has with the chair or is he doing something else?
It's just like abstract art, but he's so old you're like I think he's just got people with this chair and it's hard to Take it serious. He got he got pissed. Why would they air that? He thought that he was gonna come out and go watch me argue with this chair right and shift the world right bring a little Hollywood possess Yeah, drama this thing up.
Yeah, he just had it wasn't it was like a rocking chair like have you been lonely? It was a stool. Yeah, it was really bad. Well, that's because he's just Clintus would in the chair doesn't give it him no support.
He's sitting in the stool for hours just his back starting Nobody had his back to not everybody was just like he's a dumbass We're arguing with that chair and like tell you take the chair one without saying anything It looks like a dance chair looks like that's the chair He's so old he had he went to school and won a one-room cabin and when he got in trouble They sat him in that chair and they put a dunce hat on him. Yeah, and they were like listen you be a good pilgrim Still playing his own helicopter He's having PTSD and he's yelling at the dunce chair Are they remember that women pilgrims you had to wear the dunce hat? Did you get a pilgrim day in school? No?
We did I know it's gonna sound And sensitive, but if there's anything we've learned can we stop after like I don't know 78 can we stop taking? The people ask seriously was what they say after 78? Can we just can we just go at some point the brain does start to deteriorate a little bit? Yes, a lot of life experience.
Yeah, but you're also deteriorating There's a wild breakdown between the way that we treat certain old people in public life and the way we treat all old people in private life Like everyone in my family once they turned 80 they weren't even allowed to host birthday parties anymore because we knew they weren't up to it Have them come hey say whatever you want you hold it up. You can say what it's right Right, but we're not gonna digest it. Yeah, she would up and mow on it I blame that one guy was the guy that he's real smart and you can move and he's like Stephen Hoggi. Yeah, I blame that guy because that guy.
I mean he's retarded He's Disabled yeah, but that's but it's the worst of being 80 because it's like look at you like I'm like if you're so smart What'd you stand up? You know, it's like hard to take it here's what we should do what I'm like I put first thing you need to do is stand the fuck up. He's like one of the greatest scientists Also, the only physicist who ever got laid right? You hear about that he had an affair.
He destroyed his marriage by having an affair with somebody all fun You have an affair She did most of the work but what kind of work is it really if you cheat on me and you're in a chair like that I say go for it if you can get it go something going congratulations. Is it really cheating? Does your penis know that it's involved? I don't know He probably could I mean you could couldn't he type with his mind?
Yes, but communicate dude if you can't find he probably like now now. I'm telling my dick to come That's pretty good impression. Yeah, it's pretty hot too Now I will come in you Only with the British accent, right? Oh, now I will hear you know It's just Australian dude.
It's not that let me try Now I will comment and I sound like a Scottish He loves that he says he was shared at the end when the lights around he's still talking to it over He's like a one more thing. I'm gonna come on you again now I will come with you now. I will come on you. It says like a dialect.
I See those guys in dr. Who exterminate now? I'm American fuck off British yeah, I know and I won't watch it. Yeah, I'm principal.
We got plenty of our own quality I was a boy and it was like three shows. Yeah, you're watching the man's thing. Thank you very much Oh when you were in the bush in the bush right? Yeah, I'm sitting on top of kangaroo.
What did you guys have a collar tell it yet? Dude, what was your childhood? Fuck you. Yeah, we had Kelly telly Remember guy I remember there was two black and white shows that were on I was like now.
I can't even know I will not there was black And white shows movies and I'd be like I'm not watching that's a black and white You're not aware of color television was Nicole Kimman and all of those shoes and she was in BMX bandits BMX bandits before she was famous. I was watching BMX bandits I was like sick these guys are black flip when he won the BMX race and I was like yeah He's got a girlfriend and then like ten years later It's like Nicole Kimman who was in BMX bandits. I was like I swatched BMX bandits all the time son of a bitch She was in it, but I didn't care the time. Did she wish he young?
Yeah, and not that hard either. What's everything redheads? I don't know. She's a beautiful woman.
She's a beautiful woman She's more beautiful now from plastic surgery than she was when she was a natural chick Down Hey Miles pull up Back to the question. Do you guys you guys do y'all in school in Australia? You know you've like seven blocks of school like you go to like blocks like classes Do you guys is wrestling a core class of yours? No?
Is learning how to suck out a venomous spider bite a class in Australia? Yes, yes is a I guess she was kind of hot when she was young But you go back with really curly hair. Yes, she was not She should have been singing for simply read she's she's no she's just that one. Yeah that one.
Yeah, see thank you No, she's gorgeous. We're talking about go back to the curly hair. You're ready your goddamn Bernadette Peter's love and mind She's not she's not a porn star, but look how beautiful that hair is It's really beautiful. She's blonde or blue pristine eyes porcelain precious skin a cute ass nose beautiful thin lips It's not like conventional like like fuck me in the inner fold I know beautiful looking face.
She looks like the queen of Freggle rock. Yes. She's a freggle You guys you guys oh now she looks like a Pangit look at you too little freakin perfect little cupcakes You guys have a lot to talk about you guys. She's just she's not like conventionally also known as not hard She's not Margot Robbie there, but she's got beautiful unique features and we should celebrate that shit And also if you don't like it.
Yeah, what get very successful and you can buy whatever face you want Yeah, I mean would I fuck Tom Cruise to be a star I guess Remember the pictures of her divorce pictures You never seen the divorce pictures of her Jamie sorry sorry sorry sorry. Sorry. That was that's my that's my white guy racist comment This is her. She's walking out of I guess I don't know the specifics of her being like turning in the divorce papers are being official and paparazzi got her walking out of a building Celebrating look at look at the piece away face He she she did that because she knew she was getting photos taken she is a set up.
It's a hoax. She's a magician I will say who's in the Illuminati. She is I would put Nicole Kim in the Illuminati Oh, but the Clintons in the Illuminati. Yeah, we put Beyonce in the Illuminati These are people who all have access to the underground highways the wrong way Did you know this is an underground Starbucks?
It gives a shit about an underground Starbucks underground tunnels so you don't have to go on the freeway only famous rich people get together It's for real. Let me ask you this. I bet that Starbucks comes with some stem cells No, exactly under the tunnels I would I would say well Smith is not in the Illuminati Not anymore bad shit bad shit doesn't happen to you in the Illuminati Well, that's not true because now it's being broken they're breaking them open with because Donald Trump is getting to the you know He's breaking up the what are they? The liberal don't help him.
I don't know the answer to this question crazy the deep state the deep state alright He was gonna do it the first time but then he got distracted. He's gonna do it this time state Yeah, but it takes more than four years to cut it to the deep state. I think the deep state is uh, that's really a broken open is The Diddy shit. Yeah, yeah, that's the blow me, you know Did he really he tried to blow you yeah?
Yeah, I guess he I wouldn't if I was him I wouldn't try and get you to blow I wouldn't I would be afraid for my life if I was asking you to blow me what? Well, just kind of you've got a you've got a cat tattoo on your hand and that's me friendly I just I think you know if I was into that kind of thing I think for my safety I would offer my services. I wouldn't request your services. It's only polite to offer to blow somebody.
Yeah And just like yeah, just based off of like the location of your tattoos Etc, I might not be approachable. You're saying yeah, that was how it was designed but people see through it because I've kind eyes Yeah, yeah, we're just broken down eyes Take a pic. Hey everybody Jason. I was here for the J cell show Sponsored by blue chew as you guys know if you don't know and you've just listened to this for the first time I am a huge fan of blue chew.
I make jokes about it in my material and because I back it I love them. I got a little packets and I take them wherever I go She never know what it's time to chew, you know and they work they work fast They got like the same things in it as like Seattleist and biagra or whatever the hell you wanted to use to get it up But it gets up and it runs and runs and runs and runs I highly recommend these things and for Alice and as we got a special deal So try blue chew free when you use the promo code Alice at checkout just pay five dollars shipping That's blue chew comm promo code Alice to receive your first month free visit blue chew comm for more details and important safety information And we thank blue chew for sponsoring this podcast Everybody this podcast is sponsored by better help online therapy when you need it I am not the richest person in the world. So I am using better help. I'm going on there and I'm doing it I'm somebody that has used therapy in the past and have neglected it for some time now because I've been very busy and not have That much money and maybe that sounds like you so maybe you should join me and hit up better help today License therapist and I've also because I've done this read if you don't like your therapist You can change and get another one and it's from your own home.
You don't have to drive. No parking It's very convenient. I've done it once and I'm about to do it regularly Let the gratitude flow everybody because it's thanksgiving I'm thankful for myself having the brains to contact better help use better help visit better help calm slash Alice today Get 10% off your first month. That's better help H E L P calm Slash Alice this episode is sponsored by liquid death liquid death is a company that I've invested in because I believe in it so much They got all different kinds of flavor water I like soda and I don't like sugar well I mean I do like sugar, but I don't want it There's not good for you and I find liquid death to be very satisfying Especially now that they have so many different flavors cherry and grapefruit and lime and you name it and of course They're in can so it's recyclable.
Is that good good? I covered that right now you can get five dollars off any case of liquid death They got iced tea and stuff as well because because you guys are listening to the Jason L show So there's a five dollar discount right there So for a limited time you can go to any local grocery store buy a case of liquid death mountain water flavored sparkling or iced tea As I said and get five dollars off instantly through memo when you text them your receipt That's liquid death calm slash Alice for five dollars off any case of liquid death when you text them your receipt So do it. Thank you liquid death for sponsoring the show Well, how do you how would you say he gave me the eye in the spot? It was a real dude, okay?
Do it to me do it to me. I don't know Do the eyes it's not it's it's if I go if I go and you look away, and then I wait and you look back and I go That's what that is as a guy that's been in the game. This is these are the codes now Okay, here's how it goes in the sauna with it in the gay saunas if they go if they go if you if you stay looking at them That means a top look at me. I'll show you how I'll show you how to know But if I look away and I go if you look at me that's a yes So I see you look at me right and then I look away and I go here's the test Don't look back if you look back it's on okay So what had if I look back then what happened you start moving towards somebody then it's like you've got your your Do you want to do it because I'm gonna do it and do you use words?
oftentimes no Yeah, see how it could be if it weren't for women yeah, you guys kind of ruined it Stop stop women stop women, okay, right? And then y'all are dead in three and a half months by the way wait three and a half months And then and then let the humans be done We will make babies out of like like vegetables and shit you guys think you'll make babies out of vegetables and shit We'll make we'll scientific 60 year old man still fighting we will clone and we will clone ourselves and the best of the best will clone more of the best of the best And then we will be an elite global nation of greatness Nobody weak nobody complaining nobody ever gets a period you guys are going to be dead in three months We're gonna go the country the world will be dead in three months because we will tear it apart with burnouts explosions fire chemical waste Fucking kachunk kachunk kachunk just burn in the fuel and set in shit ablaze and fight in each other to the death until there's one kingdom We're the best of the best hangout and well and talk about how weak the other their opponents were and they laugh about it and drink and then make That's a bad part I'm a little boy sober of pleasure It's the prequel that goes too far The problem with okay, I think about it we back in history yeah when when women were flourishing Oh, are they what is that history had renaissance? We had art when we did make it when when men were flourishing We had the Roman Empire we had we had men fighting lions and tigers and each other in a ring Yeah, and then the crusade we're also getting out. I know I know you're getting out I'm a long cold nights out there on the crusades.
I know you know it was okay to be gay. It was also wasn't called gay It was just called a good Friday night. It was called being a man right right yeah, but nobody oh Gladys are gay. Yeah.
Yeah. I just walk the testosterone. Yeah, that is the only thing that makes it gay is you oh Yeah, because we go if you know if you do sex with another guy and you don't think it's gay. It's not I'm not arguing it I think I think everybody should have a little bit of a taste of everything Without calling a game without it just being like hey, do you like this?
I agree sure that's okay. That's okay. That's okay. Right.
No, that's just passing time. That's good survival right Like I tried fondue one time. I didn't really like it. It doesn't make me fondue for life Because I experimented if you like fun dude that was For sure if you got a fun do tattoo that would also you know what I do like about The I'm saying gay is in men being gay and not lesbian yeah The gay experience from what I've gathered from my friends is that it's very Emotionless and transactional like you like you like you're like I'm gonna get late tonight So you get on grinder somebody comes over yep, it's also there's no there's no like let's let's dance Sorry, it's boom do it.
Yeah, Bob. Bob. Leave. Goodbye.
Yeah done. Goodbye and girls. It's like what what did you mean by that? I'm going to say you wanted to come over.
It's like kind of in a fight before you even start the that's how it all happened to me I was like I just want to bone all the time and girls. It's like oh, you know this or that and I'm like man Like it takes like eight hours to bone ago and then someone was like when she got on grind I'm like what's grinder and I was like at for dudes they just come over and blow you and I was like whoa free that's crazy And then sure enough I did they did me and I did it and I was like That guy just thanked me. He just blew me and left and thanked me I didn't do anything and I was like this is something I can get behind And then I got into it But that was just because I was addicted to to coming right it's like a Whoops, then you got over it big time I'm me and hearing it come out of my face. It's like shut up your life such a homo But I'm not I really not I've taken me a little bit of adjustment to be okay with it For a minute I got angry at myself and gay people for it But it's not their fault and it's not my fault.
It's just like I got a addictive personality You know I was like really I'm a sex addict and I got really into it and I was like if if there was an app where girls came over And sucked it and left and said thank you. I would have been on there, but they don't like tender takes a long time I'm sure I was that sure lesbian grinder. I don't know. I'll be gay.
Yeah, I'll be gay my 40s I'm gonna start playing golf. You're gonna do something in your back pocket for the back nine for sure Yeah, I'm not there yet, right? I am an ally. Yeah, then gay I think I'd rather be a lesbian.
Oh, right now Cuz let's be I mean no offense and I've never been a lesbian before but because it's they don't it's You guys don't have the you still attach you still you both emotionally link up It's not you don't just rub finger blast and and and bands you still like oh Not gay is because I think men it's fun for me to date men because I can have a I can have a power over them psychological Women it's hard. I can't I can't out overpower a woman. Yeah, but the same should put me in my place immediately Yeah, you're putting each other in the place constantly and that just sounds like hell right I get it. I get it I wish I kind of wish there was a thing for women when you get in get out, but we're too.
We need emotional connection Yeah, that's what I have now and it's well now that I don't want to sleep anybody's one person It's what wow is it way easier first of all I don't hurt anybody so that's like a load off with the whole like who's next? Now that that's gone because there was a thing I didn't realize it But everybody is a potential bone when you're when you're a dude Like if I say the wrong thing or the wrong thing even if it's like somebody's wife somebody's mom You're like look if I say the wrong thing I might not come on her and you don't ever that or if they don't like it shoes or something like oh I'm definitely gonna come on her and then you're like oh there's a little you get He dropped out a little bit every time even if it's your friend's wife and you're like I'm never going to come on her That's my friend's wife. I don't want to defend her because I die and then she wants you to come on her And you blew it because she had the wrong shoes on that day See this is why the world will last match three months if it's all men, but man, it's a theory Like you guys cool toys, so many cool We're not we're not crossing a threshold of of enlightenment here. I don't know.
Oh, you know Yeah, no enlightenment. Yeah, it's for it's for a minute. Yeah, speaking of enlightenment You have prepared a game that we thought you might like to play You know what I've been talking to a lot of you know friends lately I've been like It's gone away since I've been in here Well if you like talking to men get to know miles, you saw miles are produced when you Can you point out miles is it? That's what I call that wall.
I'm Jamie. We have the wall Miles that's your biggest insult ever Oh, he's heard worse believe you're worse by the end of the day Yeah, it's basically what happened so miles is a educated man of the world you went to a Perc Not spell but an eye work smarter not harder. Thank you I don't know if you're familiar with I don't know what it is. Are you smarter than a fifth grader or whatever it is I looked up a bunch of those questions and I ran him past miles before you got here So we want to see if you can outperform miles.
Okay, so this game is are you smarter than a miles? I love miles. I'm pretty dumb. I'm Where did you miles really go to college?
Question question, but he gets a lot of that. Yeah, he did like a banger like an Ivy or almost Ivy League like a west coast kind of Ivy, okay, yeah, I hated that answer. What cool. Why is that?
I just I'm not from the west coast and now I live here for two years and people like you know like a west coast Ivy I'm like what just all the Ivy League schools are like old school So they're all on the east coast if California had been up and running in the 1800s like Connecticut was Stanford would have been an Ivy what I mean, okay, so it's a fair question. I can't really answer it. There's a They're smart, but not very good at basketball. Yeah, that's I mean that's There's a handful of the best private.
Thank you of the best universities in America like Harvard Columbia Yeah, and I don't know when somebody officially decided this is and this is not part of the Ivy League It's honestly what I think it is is a sports conference Yeah, it happens to be made up of the best schools It's a network of dorks. I go to different schools. Yeah, it's nerd school Well, it's nerds here's the thing though It isn't it isn't because the people who get in there are smart nerds and the children are very powerful in Families like I hung out at Columbia and there was I didn't hang out with the smart kids They were home studying I hung out with the rich kids that were out doing cocaine at the bars Right, right. There's it's kids that can't stand up to their dad But they're not like the kind that'll get into a fistfight, you know They're the kinds that are like take away the Bentley, right?
Yeah, if they get out of them, right? Busy, yeah, okay, here just take the ball roll and give me an idea what we're doing It's a cop. Nobody's bit like a white wealthy person's car is it? Intermixes between like I get what you're saying She got skig.
I want to say blacks It's a diverse car It's at the country club but any different kinds of people might be getting out of it at the country people not only one person's getting out of the country club That's a rich white guy, but there are famous or rich Athletes and rappers that will put 24s on it and roll around the Hollywood right from the golf course to the strip club Yes Because my dad always said that America like there's so much class warfare and people are like pitted against each other, you know Asian people Mexican people black people etc He's like if you actually go to Beverly Hills and that was like a theoretical concept as Beverly Hills I'm from New Jersey. He's like it's actually very multicultural set the very top. There's rich Saudi people There's rich African people so if you go to the country club It's probably like the real nice ones. It's probably more multicultural than you right and any of them could be driving a bad I would assume so but only only John Williams a very white man name would be driving a Trying to go really white car like a Aston Martin Audi howdy.
Yeah, maybe it'll be in W. That's why Tesla's white Tesla's white Yeah, but like a Bentley anybody could be coming out of a Bentley, right? No, no, I disagree I think Bentley's are for a really old rich people that are white Jewish white same thing to me then they've got I'm on these streets Then you've got you got the Chrysler Bentley. That doesn't count.
That's any That's a bullshit scam, but there's like rapper guys that have 24s. This is the craziest thing I remember seeing the first bit black Bentley mattered out with 24s and I was like whoa Somebody put 24s in a Bentley and then an hour later. I was like, oh, there's a guy again. Wasn't that guy?
It was another black. It's the most ratchet out of the is it it's the most ratchet out of the luxury cars Oh, I respect the Bentley because I feel like when you have a Lamborghini and you are in Hollywood You're making that car cry right like that car wants to fly and you're on sunset Boulevard getting fucking valet you're a douche that car is like dude. I only sprint. Yeah.
What is this fucking traffic ship? You've got to throw bread on a leash, right? And it's not comfortable Well, say it's not a comfortable car to drive in what I said. Well said Kentucky You get a Bentley you put 24s on it's no long comfortable.
You're idiot. Yeah You you and wave I also have never even been in in one Okay, that's that's extended my of my country club knowledge. Yeah, I'm ready to do a miles on who could be The dumber white person that the dumber smartest white person in this room right now Are you ready miles? I'm ready.
I already got his answer. So You know, you already have you're gonna try you're gonna have to give explanations. You're gonna try to do better than he did I'm not going to I'm not going to how many states are in America 50 All right, you're you're on the scoreboard now My do you remember what you said? No, you said 54 I was close Wow, it sounded good No, that's my oh you are not allowed to vote you got closer to my own 50 What how do you guys In Australia I think I'll school at all right at all this isn't this isn't like you just you know extensive knowledge about a Bentley and who drives a Bentley It's a street smarts You There are Next question Faking miss I'm not what did Miles you shouldn't be allowed to touch a keyboard.
You can't touch the Internet. Yeah, I agree, but Yeah, yeah The Everything that has been said you have logic behind your 54 you can't speak English Cat actually just transmitting Yeah Hey miles we call it when you get like a really bad cold, but then it advances to like bronchitis But then it gets even worse than that now you've come down with the case of pneumonia. Oh god damn you when did you learn that? That's right.
Well, you know There's a dude we went over there's a pneumonia smell potentially it smells like the shit in the walls Dude miles did you I'm just gonna be did you grow up on a puppy no? I don't know what the fuck a puppy male is That's some sort of you. Are you in cages with animals? No, I am right now Like the Vietnamese foods I like Vietnamese You got somewhere in the ballpark of Asian so I sit in the ballpark 54 is in the ballpark I said the ballpark and I get hit by the ball I don't know the only logic I think about 52 is that you knew it was 50 and then you were like maybe plus oh Hawaii and Alaska You were like maybe that's two plus I don't know 50 in the continental and then plus a wide Alaska I'll give you kind of that it's wrong, but 54 doesn't know it's crazy That's my mother's welcome to the show.
Let's continue speaking of being in the ballpark He was on the ballpark on this one who named the most famous queen of ancient Egypt Yeah, you'd be correct. Oh, what were you gonna say? The Queen I don't know what's the pharaoh I just know from the metallica song The pharaoh yeah, I think death is Queen the same as a pharaoh was clearly patro. Yeah, I don't even know if the official title was queen There's like Ferris or Pharaoh's the king that's what they called kings and she was like a late She might even been a Pharaoh.
Maybe ladies could be Pharaoh's then I was right. Thank you You are sure close enough. I think you were just like hey I don't like your question. This is the word I know about Egypt and you're like Pharaoh.
Yeah. Yeah, so you didn't get you didn't get close to the answer You're just like here's the only word I know You're like I know I know who's the most famous Queen yes, what about the fairways right was it the spigs Yeah, what did Miles do you remember what you said no he said in the ballpark he was in the ballpark He said Calipatra see ballpark wait Calipatra now was the answer who's Calipatra, you know queen Calipatra Giving this podcast enough credit for the downfall of society. This isn't this should be you should you should be banned miles Sometimes you just need people that are in the ballpark. No, there's some people that aren't even in the ballpark Catro patra is that what he said?
Yeah, that's a spicy ketchup. You're right Oh, it's hungry now. Muz this is not you shouldn't have a microphone. You shouldn't be allowed to touch a keyboard I'm gonna see you on the mic thing.
I'm in a closet right now. That's correct. Yeah One staring on a wall and I'm getting attacked by hairless cats your job doubles as a never-ending timeout I get disciplined when I come in here. This is what I want this quiz before you can vote Oh my god, yeah, all of them right and then you go ahead and go no you get these wrong You're not allowed to bear minimum right the driving test is way harder I know you could also be illegal at this point if you get these questions right you can vote we would be in better shape right?
Right, but my was would never my was kid would never be here's thing. Yes, no matter if the questions were the same every single year Right, my was would never vote. No, I'd be the king of taxation without representation Green card like me do you see all right next question? suffering in what you just influence people to vote the way I Go for it like who you vote for she's like Okay, that was it.
Yeah, yeah, cuz I've changed my opinion on it now Cuz you're not getting more You know what a lot of those people that were my friends are not my friends and I realized that they were never my friends Yeah, and then I have a lot of friends that are Republicans that are my friends and I was like, you know what? I don't think I'm on yeah, okay. Well also your opinion doesn't fucking matter right now. Yeah, yeah, whatever We never do see comics on either side that On that that are a political comedian, but they're in America.
Oh, I'm like who are you who's helping you? Who's helping you get citizenship? That's what I want to ask them. It's it would be like me growing up here I'm going to Australia or London and like shitting on the government there.
Yeah, it's crazy to me when I see like Pierce Morgan says And I had like seriously like it took he came over here and started saying shit about her country and somebody gave enough of a shit That you're writing stories about it, right? You know he moved over here because it's the greatest country in the world and he knew that if you didn't make it here It didn't really count really that's why I moved here. Uh-huh. It's cool to be the king of Australia Mm-hmm.
Do you know the king if you're the king of here you're the king? Yes Yeah, I was all relation well-chated for four years frant doesn't mean a goddamn thing really over here I'm a fucking ass handed to me because it's America. There was like ten dudes that used to beat the shit out of me and skateboarding Tony Hawk lived in Australia. I would not have won anything So it's just like MMA like everything I've ever been into America runs it fast cars fast bikes I mean that now because the world it's catching up There's a straight in supercross guys into the fastest guys, but America made it You know they moved to America to win because if you win in Australia, you're not the fastest the mine dude That's not a ringtone.
I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I did I think it this might be the government calling Right I Come back one of these days and bring this shit that I think I know that you guys don't oh there's tons of that stuff There's no doubt about that. I'm bringing it. That's a thing that like man who honestly Jason might do the best That was like when Bill Ma and who's the funniest dude in the world Ricky Jervay come in now Wow, yeah, but and him I haven't an argument And he was like you know you how could you not know this? I know that man You're just like some named dropping like using big words bullshit I know a lot of things you don't know about but you don't see me rubbing in your face I'm like yeah, like just because you know big words and you think you know about certain things burn knows a bunch of stuff That you don't know about that you don't even know what this means in football or something You know how to change a tire because I bet your bill But doesn't know how to change a tire how to fix a fucking engine or how to put a chain on a bike But that's not something you brag about it's like because when you have an education You learn big words and you can like make people that don't know big words feel stupid It's like I know a bunch of stuff like miles and I know stuff, but none of you guys next miles question In what year did Christopher Columbus?
Did Christopher Columbus arrive in the new world You also would have been closer than miles what could you have possibly Okay, you know what ball part miles in the ball I know that is What I know it's gonna be the rhyme yeah, it's a micron Columbus. She'll sail the ocean blue in 1492 now I will say if I go America the country really started to get the pilgrims came over everything else feels more 1800s Right, we're not that old of a country before 24 it would be around the 1800s right something So I think it's when they declared okay, okay around 200 Late 1700s so I would go miles I would go okay. He came over here in the early 1700s killed all the Native Americans And then we started it with a lot of king that does kind of make sense. Yeah, Columbus is a bitch That's nice.
I'm just so on your fucking side and you're fighting me and I'm on your side You know what I mean? I'm fighting Columbus The game is a game over in the 1400s and it still took us 300 years to colonize it. Yeah some bullshit Yeah, and they fought and they fought so hard and they killed so much so that one day miles could thrive against all odds And fake pins All those bros and star My This is not to shoot on the people at the live right now, but it's what three something here in LA It's alive. What are these people doing a lot of them working and listening at the same time?
Yeah, okay some of them run these Well You think it's perworks yet who was the first man to walk on the moon? Oh Oh, you're close Do I have one of the names right no you are correct miles was close Holy shit He did it despite a crippling disability what was that miles missing one ball? Everybody knows balls make you It's whether you fly off into space. Yeah The original quote one giant leap for the one testicle right you thought when you could come back to earth gravity would just drop another ball That's crazy Wow wow you guys could actually Actually like this office like this bucket could be a charity give me a non-profit To the one less fortunate yeah, get me out of the closet Once he gets that big I Picture yeah, we get out of this closet I asked you who the second president was that was oh I don't hold on wait shit closer than his was Jeffers in her Adams or get Adams Adams Adams Adams Adams Jefferson the fourth or was he I think he was third he was third okay?
I can't live I know that that's pretty crazy What were you gonna say that's okay? I'm Lincoln. Yeah, that's like an old guy that I know it was a president He had horse teeth can can we agree on a brand this about a brand Lincoln as a whole matter your party of alliance pretty hot No, no we can't I think he's pretty sure he had horse to you Daniel day Lewis Who's not that I don't know what Daniel day miles Dan I Would be crazy As Lincoln Great What the hell looks kind of like a real shake Does it look like walking Phoenix kind of but he looks more like anything Lewis? Yeah, I actually do you adorable child.
Yeah, I knew 1492 Yeah, I was a new Neil Armstrong right well in the one room schoolhouse in Kentucky Teacher I don't know this is I Know this is I'm I think your milkshake Don't hit on me right now Man's life what you watch movies only because his face looks I think like walking Phoenix, but this is yeah This is kind of a black hole for me. I'm not what your favorite movie Is that um is that the movie down there about the magic trick? What's the P word movie about the P magic magician with the P Start to the P prestige prestige He looks like the guy what's that movie? What's that maybe he's on the left with him in the mustache?
Yes, I've seen that it all yeah. Yeah, he also looks like a No, what's his character? That's when he drank your milkshake. Oh, this is the movie about the oil field No, no, no miles does not know something.
I don't know. Yes. I do this is a fucking what's the name? Well, I don't actually this is what happens.
I don't know exactly the name of this you guys should always do a movie review for miles Okay, go I don't know what you mean you don't know what oh like what this movie was about this so alright So this fool he was like trying to get to the top of America back in the day You know and there wasn't too much going on you couldn't do only fans or anything like that So he went out he started an oil like company You know like he went out was like getting oil and shit like that and then which of the 54 states is he doing this? No, no fucking Oklahoma or some shit like that And then he he started beefing everybody and he was gnarly and then he made a gang of money and killed a fool with a bowling pin Pretty much. Oh, yeah, he's milkshake to not a lot happened in anything to lose movies. Yeah, okay.
That's it. Well the vibe really Yeah, it's like a solid vibe real solid right it's kind of like a Woody little bear or acting ability. Yeah, there will be blood is the name What's it's called yeah, I don't I don't recognize him. I recommend you watch this movie.
I would do okay? I have I was being out all about it. No, no, no, no, it's just funny. I did flea bit I'm sorry.
I was way better. I left there because it was a podcast with three guys on it and I left there with 17 movies I had to go watch well, then I go watch it. He looks just the A lot. Yeah, no, I'm curious.
He is widely regarded as the greatest film actor of our time and yet you don't know his name What are you? What kind of movies do you like? romcoms no, I don't hate romcoms. I do this is this is my this is where I falter I don't film and TV is actually not that's cool my my cup of tea.
Yeah, I know I do I know pop music and what do you just like not watch stuff? You know, honestly truly Like we just did it like I grew up everyone's like oh I watch we would watch this movie watch this my future watch TV We like one TV in the living room. We weren't even that poor. We just did it and my parents were like adamant about it not being on during Like TV or like normal family time.
Yeah, and I love that We just went outside. We just played a lot They want like my parents were not like a like culture like they weren't like listening to this music watch this TV show blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah We just like I don't know played in dirt and shit So I don't I never do I didn't grow up on like cinema and like learning who my favorite director is and all that stuff You missed some great stuff. I'm not gonna lie. I know but but my but my but my but my but my very probably better But 95% of what you missed you didn't miss anything.
Yeah, it's okay. I go back now, but it's so much It's like where do you start? You know, and then oh You should watch everybody is Catherine special. Yes God, it's a lot of it's pretty miles eat Catherine's it's a lot.
Yeah, it's a lot of bullshit called Catholic cowgirl comes out December 5th Faufri on YouTube. There's a horse on stage. What more can I say? You got a horse on stage.
Yeah, I'm on on the West Coast cowboy You I'm do you come from Louisville, Kentucky? How are you gonna? How you gonna out horse me? I can't you ever done a horse really?
I don't know. Have you done? Actually, no, you haven't have you raced on top of porta potties in the middle of the Derby under age drunk as shit That's not a cowboy thing. No, it's a it's just it's horse culture.
It's being in the midst of can you ride a horse country? Can can anyone ride horses? Yeah, well, it's my president. I don't want to win this argument But it's pretty hard not to you don't ride horses I I have a whole bit that I was doing about being obsessed with horses, but I have a tackleable.
No, I wouldn't matter I don't make much I was obsessed with horses, but I never was around my parents didn't want to pay for horseback wearing lessons So me and my friends were just the horses, so we rode each other, but well, that's very cowgirl of you Yeah, it's it's fake cowgirl. So it's it's part of the live horse on stage. No, okay. Oh, okay There's a horse that you that's still pretty cool.
I like it. I like I like cows like cowboys or whatever I like them. You're not a cowboy. You're you're got you could rainbow I wear different things Today we're mostly done everybody's getting cowboy hat all day not for my special.
That's fine I'm I talk about my special I ride horses payback. That's bad ass I want to do it but I also want to also when you really get into it that sometimes horseback riding is a little bit fucked up Not for me. I'm very nice of my holes when he doesn't want to ride. I don't ride him.
That's great. I love to hear that That's my turn. Sometimes I just hug him see that's I love to hear that That's what I'm doing. I give you a map of stuff.
We're Rose. I love that. I love to hear that That's that's that's the vibe on with yeah, I really love it beautiful. So yeah, you're special.
It's available when this comes out right? It'll be it'll be almost a separate fifth. So pretty close. Yeah, make a note of it.
I you are it's Catherine Blanford on This stream. Yeah, and everywhere. Thanks for doing the show. Thank you so much for having me It was just so nice to like kick back and not think very hard for loud.
I know don't call my cat oily It's not it really isn't I know after it's sitting on my lap and petting it. It was it's it's um, it's sharp It's deadly. It's weird that it's it's sleeping like that. Yeah, but it's not oily.
Yeah, he's a good dude All right, thank you. See you guys next week if you want to see more Jason Els show There's a patreon patreon.com slash else mate. We're there four times a week. Have a good one.
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