Hi, and welcome to La Vie Attachée, change your thoughts, change your life. I'm Peggy McKnight, and I'm continuing with the communication series. Today's topic I will be sharing with you is the one key ingredient to being a people person. Now, let me just clarify at the beginning, when I talk about being a people person, I am not talking about being a people pleaser.
It's just being a people person that others are drawn and attracted to. If you could boil down one key ingredient to being a people person, it would be to listen, really listen to what the other person has to say. This is the one skill that will serve you well. In general, people are too wrapped up in themselves and don't listen.
Plus, they really want others to, people want to be heard. They want to be acknowledged. They want to know other people are listening to them. And when you give them your undivided attention, that really captures their attention, and they then start to pick up on, oh, they care about me.
They're listening to me. I'm heard. This is even more systematic with the proliferation of smartphones. You see people with their heads buried in the devices all the time.
And there might be many times, especially with family or at work, and especially in meetings, there is nothing more irritating than someone who says, yeah, I'm listening, but they have their eyes glued to their phone, whether it be on Facebook or Instagram, you name it, they're on it, but in actual fact, they're half listening to you. They're giving a part of you to them. No, they're giving you a part of them, right? When you become a good listener, you will stand out from the crowd and people will take notice of this personal trait.
More people will approach you. And in many cases, they won't even know why. It's not as you announce it to the world and, you know, post it on Facebook or anything like that. Hey, I'm a good listener.
Come talk to me. It will just happen naturally because you are listening. Many people mistake listening with giving advice. Not a lot of people want advice.
I'm not giving advice. I'm giving you suggestions, things that you already know. I'm not going to teach you how to suck eggs, right? This is not always a good idea to give advice rather than just to listen.
In fact, unless you're a counselor or you are an expert in the subject of the conversation, you want to avoid advice as much as possible. You don't want to give bad advice, especially that if somebody follows it, for example, oh, I don't know, maybe try some disinfectant injected into your veins. Hmm. Where have I heard that before?
That will lead to a very difficult situation, if not a legal situation, quite frankly. Listening involves hearing what the other person has to say completely and then interrupting what is being, no, not interrupting, beg your pardon, are you listening? And then interpreting what is being said. If you need to respond, you can acknowledge what was said.
So let me hear you, did I hear you correctly as a technique you can use, and then paraphrase or reiterate what the individual had just said to you, just so you fully understand and capture the essence and the true message that they're trying to deliver. Some people like to repeat what the other person says, like I just said, right? After he or she says it. This can be awkward for the person talking, but it is helpful to ensure you understand what is being said.
And again, it's not awkward for the person who is talking when you say it in such a way, again, such, for example, let me see if I've heard you correctly, or have I understood you correctly is the way you can kick off that repeating what they just said to you. You can also follow up with words of encouragement or empathy, depending on how the conversation is going. This is different to offering advice. You're letting the other person know you heard what she or he has said and respond accordingly.
Encouragement and empathy really does go a long way because it speaks to the heart and not to the head. Ultimately, people want to be heard and acknowledged and recognized for what they're saying. And when you can really hone in on what's coming from the heart in their message, you know you're on the right path. In most conversations, one person will speak about him or herself.
That's only natural. When the person finishes, the other person will speak about him or herself. Again, it depends on how natural it is. If you're not interested as to what the other person thinks or if they've had a similar experience, they won't ask you because they don't care.
And that's a clear indication that the person doing the talking is all about themselves. This is a common form of conversation, sharing about yourself and then asking, have you had a similar example or situation yourself? So, you know, you open up a dialogue and you are engaged in the conversation and the people that are right in front of you. Take an interest in the other parties and let the conversation be about them.
The true art of conversation is to get people to talk about themselves, which they will enjoy doing because it also demonstrates that, hey, I'm interested in you. You seem like a really interesting character. And also I care about your point of view. So you could be as blunt as to say, do you have an opinion about that, but not in a forceful or obnoxious way.
Just to open up that conversation and dialogue with the other person. You will have plenty of time in other conversations to make it about you. So don't worry, you know, put your ego to one side and make it all about the other individuals. To further the conversation, ask questions about what was said.
This shows that you're interested and engaged. People love to talk about themselves. Let them do this. Listening is a skill that needs to be developed, just like with anything else.
It takes practice. Practice makes permanent, not perfect, but permanent. When you become a good listener, you will become more of a people person by using this skill to its fullest. There we are, my friends.
I'm listening. And I hope you've gotten something out of the one key ingredient to being a people person today. Until tomorrow, bye for now.