KILL TONY #59

Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to Kill Tony here at Death Squad. Don't forget to go to Death Squad.tv and click on our tour dates. This is the brand new tour date calendar. You see all the shows that Death Squad is doing, including next week in Florida.

Me and Sam Tripoli are going down to Tampa on Friday, August 8th at the Crowbar. August 9th will be in Jacksonville at Underbelly, and August 10th, Orlando at Will's Pub. All the tickets can be found at Death Squad.tv. Just click on tour dates.

And just at it, Santa Barbara, Velvet Jones, me, Ryan Sickler, and Sam Tripoli are going to be there August 16th, 7 p.m. Go there. And don't forget, if you want to find out all the information on everything, Death Squad.tv is where to go, including our store, which has t-shirts, hoodies, hats, posters, stickers, everything. So check it out.

And don't forget to check out Tony Hitchcliffe's website, TonyHitchcliffe.com. All right, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Band, coming to you live from the road-famous comedy store for a brand new episode of Kill Tony, Volume 2. Get up going, Tony Hitchcliffe!

Fuck yeah, everybody. Hi, everyone. Wow, how exciting. Holy moly, this is like a real thing going on.

I came in extra early today to test it out. I came in early last week, and you know what? I think I'm coming in early from now on. It's giving me a heart attack when I see you coming around.

Look at this cool crowd we have. It's a bunch of pretty people, and these guys over here. See that, everybody? The jokes are already happening.

Wow. Fuck yeah, comedians up top. Good to see you guys. This is fun.

This is episode 59 of Kill Tony. 59. 59 episodes. Very, very fun.

It's been a crazy week in comedy since I last saw you. Yeah. We've been going up a lot. We had a fun 4th of July weekend, Independence Day, and Opie and Anthony, right?

Yeah, that's what I've been dealing with. I've just been glued to that the whole weekend. I'm a big fan of Opie and Anthony. I don't know if you guys heard all the shit that went down over the weekend.

It's very interesting. Who doesn't know by round of applause? All right, so this amazing radio duo has a straight guy, Opie, and the funny man, Anthony. Jim Norton's on the show also.

Hilarious. Classic competitor to Howard Stern and other, you know, comedy radios. Anyway, Bobby Bob. Anthony's taking a picture in Central Park, right?

Yeah, he was in the middle of the streets, downtown New York, and he was taking pictures at like 3 in the morning, and a woman just dressed up in a miniskirt, you know, probably street meat, but who knows. He took a photo of her, and she got pissed, and so she just charged him and started attacking him, punching him in the face. And then he tweeted that... He just tweeted a bunch of stuff.

Some of it's considered racist to a lot of people, including Sirius, who fired him. Oh, yeah, that's right. That's the crazy twist. The show's canceled.

Well, it's not canceled. They fired him, so now... They own the show, so they can do anything they want with it. They can do whatever.

I don't know. Wow, that's exciting. Yeah. Fuck yeah, everybody.

You know, I think what I found interesting... I'm actually... I want to talk to our guests about this now that I think about it, so we'll bring this back up in a second. You know what I'm excited about?

Comic-Con coming up at the end of July, everybody. Kill Tony live from San Diego's Comic-Con, everyone. So for those of you listening in San Diego, if you're a comic of any kind and you're interested in trying out a minute on Kill Tony at Comic-Con, you'll be able to sign up that night right before the show. Right.

And what's cool is that there's a lot of clubs down in San Diego. You know, you've got the Comedy Store in La Jolla, you've got the American Comic-Con, you've got the one that's down the street in Madhouse, and there's a huge community down there that doesn't really always mix with the L.A. people, so they might not know the show very well. So if there's people in L.A.

that are going to be down there for Comic-Con, you know, this is going to be an interesting change. It's going to be a fun mix, because we had a blast when we were at the La Jolla Comedy Store for Kill Tony, which was crazy, but combining Comic-Con, San Diego, and this... I must say, it's an amazing show, so when we combine all those things, it's going to be a lot of fun. And we're also going to have Thunder Pussy on a comedy show, but there's a new tour schedule for all the Death Squad shows at DeathSquad.tv now, so it has all the information there.

So all that information's out, you know what we get to do now? Bring out our head of security for tonight's show, everybody. Listen to that light golf clap. We were able to...

Okay, I guess Josh is just bringing... Come on, Josh Martin, everybody, the producer of the show, has the comedic timing of a fucking suicide bomber. Really just... What were we going to do, running out the whole way?

Really, what did you think he was? Did you just think you were leaving him up in the green room in that suit? You see, you were just going to strain him there. While you came and fixed the mic, you were just going to leave this little...

I almost gave it away. Our patriot and head of security this week is the first ever Guatemalan patriot, everybody. It's Kenny Lyon, everyone. Suit it up.

All right, it's the dizzy patriot, everybody. Obviously, a very... He came in spinning around in circles. Ponytail tucked in.

This is your first time ever being a patriot. Is that right, Kenny? That's correct. Fuck yeah.

Anything you want to say to the people? It's an honor to be here protecting everyone. Just want to say something. Go right ahead.

If anyone decides to get out of hand, how about my lasers? Not only is he the Guatemalan patriot, he's also the extremely stoned patriot. So I'm really glad that he's going to be daydreaming next to the stage, keeping us all safe. I love it.

Kenny's one of the cooler, positive, very stoned, hippie, young comics on the scene. He actually, when he's not protecting us as the Guatemalan patriot, he actually runs one of the goofiest open mics I've ever done in my entire life. I did it a few weeks ago just because he invited me, and I like Kenny. He says, I'm doing an open mic at a pizza shack at Santa Monica and Highland.

I go looking for this place, and it's literally a little tiny shack that only serves outdoor pizza. And he's in the parking lot of a plaza with two karaoke machines hooked up to one mic. So it's like surround sound in the parking lot of a pizza place. There was eight chairs set up, and if I'm not mistaken, it's on a handicapped spot, correct?

Yes, okay. And it was just unbelievable. I'm telling you, it's got the show, it's got the hipness and goofiness to actually blow up. Like, people thought I was kidding.

I'm like, this show can be fucking huge in a few months if you keep doing it. How often do you do that show? This Friday, 7-11. Peace, chat.

Did you post something a week ago? Do you do it every Friday? No, it's a once-a-month show. I think you should do it every Friday from now on so that maybe it can gain traction, because once a month's not going to cut it.

I'm sorry. You posted something a couple weeks ago or so, something famous about that parking lot. It was like in a movie or something like that. It used to be an El Pollo Loco.

Do you remember what it was? Yes, right then. I was doing my daily smoking weed and watching Big Lebowski. You do that daily?

The Big Lebowski? That's correct. Oh, my God. It's filmed in that parking lot I've seen.

It's almost like maybe if you didn't smoke pot ones, you'd remember what the Big Lebowski was like the next day, and you wouldn't have to re-watch it every day. I see. That's an interesting routine. Fuck yeah, most people brush their teeth.

Kenny Lion watches the Big Lebowski. Put your hands together for me. It's our Patriot keeping us safe. I'm so excited about our two guests tonight, everybody.

They are return guests. Both of them have been on an episode before, and they're two of my favorite people, two of the funniest people out there, and two of my really good friends. Put your hands together for the great Eric Griffin and Moshe Kesher, everybody. Moshe Kesher, Eric Griffin.

Thank you so much fun. Welcome back. So good to have you guys. Oh, thanks.

Two funny pals. What's happening? Moshe, you're all over my Netflix. Every time I log in, it's recommending me so hard.

You're all over my U-Porn right now. That's fun with that. Is that because he did a U-Porn? Yeah.

You remember. I feel like you could. Joe Rogan calls me Super Twink. Super Twink is just like a child, right?

I think it's a boyish, bony-looking... That's a regular Twink, but a Super Twink is just like a nine-year-old boy. I think so. That's sweet.

Yeah. Let's check Urban Dictionary for that. You think Urban Dictionary has a phrase for a sexualized nine-year-old boy? Probably.

In the hood, you know how we fuck nine-year-old boys. Super Twink. And Eric, workaholics, and we just shot a fun sketch together last week. Nothing from these people.

It's all right. No, no. Fuck all of you. Fuck all of you.

Eric and I have this crazy problem when we're near each other. We just go off on... We just start writing sketch videos that we never end up shooting. And they're hilarious.

But if our ideas were... If we ever made any of our ideas, we would have... We would be viral. So just putting that out.

You just got to take my word for it. This is like a word to... In six months, we're going to get it together. Just watch.

He won't even have time. Let me call Kill Bob because he can't do this anymore. Who's Bob? I don't know.

He's somebody. Bob Saget, maybe. Bob Saget's going to take over for Kill Tony. I'm down to my luck, man.

I guess what we need is, Eric, we need one of those people that... Those court reporters. Yeah, stenographer. Just right here.

They're just continuously... Well, I don't know why we wouldn't just use our phones and record. We might have to be archaic with our technology, but... Anyway.

So, Moshe. Tony. What do you think about the Guatemalan Patriot? No offense, but isn't he like a crazy downgrade from the last dude when I was here?

Because not spiritually, although... Yeah, the costume, right? The costume is straight. It's like underoos now compared to...

You guys were both on the show in the actual first Iron Patriot. Yeah, yeah. I mean, your lasers are straight up nightlights for why I want to take a piss at two in the morning. It's actually all upgrades.

You can now sit down. You can do a lot of things like jumping and running. What happened to the other dude? He went crazy.

You're just an old model. He went crazy? The guy that had a $16,000 Iron Man suit? That guy went crazy.

That's so hard to believe. I don't think he finished payments on that suit, actually. Oh, fuck yeah. Yeah, it is a bit of a downgrade one.

From appearance alone. But the personalities, we rotate into New Patriot each week now. So we've gotten a vast array of different personalities and this and that. Not quite the structure that it once was.

Kenny almost fills out that pajama top. Kenny, do you use this as a credit when you go on the road? As seen in the underoos at a comedy store? I love sad Iron Man.

Yeah, it's almost like a frown instead of a... How do you get the helmet to frown? Fuck yeah. Well, I'm excited to have you guys.

Those comedians have signed up for the opportunity to do a minute. Oh yeah, Kenny, do you have any questions for our guests? How do I get booked? That's a good question.

How did you get booked for this gig? I don't know, man. So my question is, the speaker is near your genital area? Is that how that works?

That is correct. This is crazy. This Iron Man suit is like if Tony Stark was on government assistance. That is.

It's all Amazon Prime. Oh, that's a great new show. Project Iron Man. Tony Stark, one of the featured thousandaires of the United States.

I need to start someplace. So how do you get booked is your question. That is correct. For what?

For real shows. Oh, wait a second. Hey, hold on a second here. Shot fired, Tony.

Son of a bitch. That's exactly what the first Patriot did. He's been with a launching pad. And that guy went from 4,000 Twitter followers to almost 2,000.

He's in Bellevue. He's in Bellevue now. That's a mental hospital in New York, guys. Am I going to get more Twitter followers from this?

Is that what's promised? Yeah, yeah. Tony has a Twitter promise. I get water in like 200 or 300 more?

Or just actually two or three? I guarantee one. It's Iron Man. Fuck yeah.

So you guys know how it works. You guys have both been on, so you know the deal. Comedians and new people. Comedians come on and do a minute of stage time.

Then we talk to them about life and their comedy and what they look like. At the end of the minute, you know your minute's up when you hear the sound of a kitty. You can barely hear it. It's such a tiny little baby kitty.

Did you guys hear it? It sounds like this. Okay. I see what's happening here.

Is that like a super twink? That's like a female super twink. And then you know, you got to wrap it up when you hear that cat. It's a lesson for all of comedy.

You can't run the light or else you're going to bring out the Angry West Hollywood bear. And then you're going to bring out Diplo right at the end. Right. That's not like a 1989 sound effect from a rap song.

There it is. Fuck yeah. So you don't want to bring out that bear. And our podcast listeners who complain every week that the bear is too loud and they have to rip their headphones out.

Really? You don't want to make them mad. Yeah. There's a thing because it's loud.

Here's a funny thing. As a listener, you should also learn the thing. If you hear the little cute kitten, you're like, well, maybe I should turn down my little volume a little or unplug my little volume. That's a lot of work to listen to this podcast.

It's a real type of experience. Did you change your tampon? Oh, I'm going for a jog, but I'm going to turn my volume a little. So fuck yeah.

Don't run the light, people. You guys ready? Episode 59 of Kill Tony. I'm so excited.

I'm so excited because I know we love comedy. Your first comedian tonight. Oh, this is an interesting one. She's known for at times going into depressing subjects.

And sometimes when keeping it real goes wrong. Sarah talks about real life stuff sometimes that scares a lot of people. But she's back. And her name is Sarah Kenny, everybody.

Oh, wow. Sarah missed her spot. So that means she just got Kenny blacklisted. Fuck that hoe.

There you go. Well, he just had his moment, huh? You've got to laugh. And Kenny, that is how you get booked.

Exactly. That's one of the best. That's one of the fun traditions of the Patriots. They all have a different sound effect.

It used to be peep, peep, peep, peep, peep, peep. But it's just obviously it's evolved into fuck that hoe. Your next comedian is David Nieker. Is it working?

Is it working? David Nieker. I went to Salt Lake City not too long ago. And I went to visit the Mormon temple.

They don't let you into the temple. But they let you into this congregational building. We walked in. Over every doorway, there's a six-pointed star.

I'm Jewish. My name's David. That's my star. So I said to the Mormon lady, hey, what's going on with the six-pointed star?

She said, oh, that's the star of Jubilee. Hey, you can't just put Belie on the end of it and pretend we're not going to notice. What's she going to do next? Show me a Muslim flag?

Oh, that's a Mormon flag. Oh, you guys are terrific. That was it. There you go.

52 seconds of thunder and lightning. David Nieker. That's cool. You did exactly a minute.

So you planned out that part where the mic didn't work for the first 10 seconds. That's good timing. They say comedy is timing. You got that.

That was great. I thought I heard the kitty. Heck yeah. What?

I thought I heard the kitty. Oh, first of all, hearing a man of your size say the word kitty is entertaining. It's adorable. I thought I heard the kitty.

I think you can see David. He's got quite the build. Something very professional wrestler-esque almost. Yeah, you don't look like you visited Salt Lake.

You look like you founded it. Oh, fuck yeah. Definitely a lot of salt in that diet. Stodium.

Fuck yeah, David. That was a girl in jeans. I thought that was a good setup. You got me on the second one with the Muhammad.

I laughed, so. Did you really go to Salt Lake City? Yeah. What else did you see there?

What's that place like? It's sort of crazy. Everybody's sort of dressed like JCPenney catalog, khakis, plaid shirt tucked in, hair parted on the side. What were you doing there?

Staring people? Yeah. Salt Lake City Comedy Conradale, which was a festival that I got selected to do. It was a lot of fun, actually.

You definitely look like the kind of person that would work at a festival. I don't know if a comedy festival is the festival that you look like you would be at a. Like a parking lot of a jam band concert. Yeah.

Yeah. Or like, hey, step right up to the crazy five-minute freak show of dad. We got an alligator lady and all that stuff. I like how the top is different from the bottom.

It feels like you're missing. like a Russian hat or something to finish that off. Yeah, I'm Russian. Oh, well, see?

Oh, wow. Oh, yeah. I like your look, man. I do.

It's cool. I always say that to somebody that's twice my size with a beard. I think you're a great-looking... You're a great guy.

That's just how I look. And I just look like this. Well, you didn't always look like that. Well, you didn't always have the beard.

Right. The beard is lovely. It is truly... It seems like it's rough.

Tony can't grow any hair yet. I only grow hair on one side of my face. You think it's good to me, but it's not like it's an accomplishment. I will give you a note on your comedy.

I feel like you're more confident now and engaging now than you were in the joke. I feel like you should be twice as engaging when you're performing as when you're in the middle of a conversation. So, you know what I'm saying? I felt like when you told me that the do-believe thing, I almost didn't hear you.

I felt like I was taking too much time. I think I was a felt of a rush there. This is a tough situation. If everybody else is about to come up, try to get that nervousness out of the way before you get up here.

You took the bullet. The mic didn't work, but you still got us to laugh. So, just in the future... I like to say the punchline, too.

That was funny. So, come with it. For everybody else that's coming up, if you're nervous, don't fucking bring that bullshit to the stage. You know what I mean?

We can't deal with your fucking nerves up here. Do or die, you piece of shit. So, just chill out and have a good time. Careers have been made on Kill, Tony.

How are the audiences in Salt Lake City? What was that like? It was pretty good. I guess it was sort of an alternative comedy festival.

It wasn't the... I was talking about the local club, which I think is called Wise Guys. For the local club, you have to be able to do an hour of G-rated, like, nine-year-olds in the audience material. Oh, yeah.

Super twink material. So, this was sort of the alternative... A festival set up for the alternative to that. And it was just regular fun comedy.

Yeah. It was a good time. You know who he reminds me of? Remember that toy that had the magnet?

He had, like, a big red nose and he had the magnet. He made the beard? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah. You have a good look. Thank you. Are you, like, a motorcycle person?

I actually am. Yeah. But I haven't ridden in a while. I got in an accident.

I've been staying off for a while. All right, look. First of all, we're dressed the same. Do you ride a motorcycle?

Yeah, we're like a pants crew right here. What does that mean? You guys are dressed like me. You look like more the kind of guy that would ride in a sidecar.

Yeah. A really little one. The co-pilot. With super twain driving, right?

Fuck, yeah. You guys both wear shirts that easily hide spilled ketchup. And look like you eat french fries, by the way. I do.

Every shirt I have has a stain on it. You have that problem? You just get trapped in the beard. It's with a beard.

Yeah. It's like a little. It's my food catcher. All right, David.

Awesome. Thank you so much. Fun times. Thank you.

Salt Lake City. Sarah Kenny just moved to the front seat. Did somebody tell you that you were blacklisted? You weren't just blacklisted.

You were blacklisted with extreme prejudice. There was misogyny involved. Iron Man got real hood at the end. I think we saw this kind of thing about it.

Oh, that is it. That's true. In honor of Eric's shirt. Fuck about a stain.

Come on up in a minute. But in honor of you being on your period, you're only going to get 40 seconds. No, I'm kidding. Go ahead.

Sarah Kenny on her period, everybody. Fuck yeah. From rags to riches. She's back on the show.

She's been red-listed, everybody. Come on. I can do this. Sarah Kenny, everybody.

I'm sorry, Sarah. Just looking for spotting. So we decided to have an intervention for this friend of mine. And I was pretty nervous because I never did anything like that before.

But it didn't go at all how we planned. She ended up convincing all of us to try Coke. And I guess what I learned is that interventions are pretty fun. And I would probably do another one, given the opportunity.

I was at the coffee shop, and the guy next to me asked if I'd keep an eye on his laptop while he went to the bathroom. I guess he thought I looked honest. But then I had to mess with him a little bit. While he was in there, I got on his computer and I updated his web browser.

And when he got back, he had no idea how safely he was using the internet. You guys can probably tell from my accent that I'm vegan. I'm not super strict, though. Sometimes I'll let myself have a little kitten.

There you go. There's the cue. She nailed it. Oh, wow.

She did the timing. You're iron deficient. Don't say that around Iron Man over there. Don't scream fuck that hoe again.

Oh, shit. Some kind of shimmy from the Patriots. Some kind of very awkward shimmy. Sarah, that was so fun.

What was the beginning part about again? The intervention? Oh, yeah. That's funny.

I didn't see that coming. There's probably more to add on to that with the fact that, you know, I mean, it just felt like you were already in and there's, you know, your friend's probably going to die. Yeah, but we all had a good time. Right.

It wasn't real. Well, I can appreciate what you're trying to do with your material. It's kind of alt-ish, you know, like misdirection. There we go.

No, I'm just, I appreciate that, but I just think that, you know, that, like, I know you only do it in a minute, but that first one could have gone a little longer. You could have embellished on that a little bit more, but I like the direction that you're going in. I see what you're trying to do. But sell it.

Like, believe it. Don't make it. It kind of felt like you were just like, you know, right? You know, it's like, part of the all thing would be to, like, you really believe what you're about to say.

Yeah. And that's what makes it funny. When you say, you really went to an intervention. It has to come across like that.

Yeah. So it's like, performance is important. So keep that in mind. That's what I think about it.

Yeah, no, I actually agree. I thought that the first punchline was funny. It was a good one-liner. And then the second thing, it wanted an act out of you acting like you were on coke, doing saying some coke shit, or just dropping and just doing a one-liner.

Go one way or the other. What you're trying to do is say, like, I love cocaine. I'm addicted to it. I want to do it.

It's really fun. But what you said was, like, I think I'll try it again. And, like, I wanted, you know what I mean? The second joke, I didn't actually understand.

Maybe that's my fault because everybody laughed. The laptop? Yeah, I didn't get it. Really?

Yeah, yeah. Well, at first I heard that joke where I, like, actually fucked with something on his computer in a bad way, but then I thought, what if I just updated the safety features? And, like, so now he needs to work. See, that's what I'm saying.

That's like a performance thing. That's like a very alt-y, like, hey, you know what I mean? I think that I was with her on that. She just didn't sell it.

Interesting. Maybe I'm, I must be wrong because everybody laughed, but I think it would have been better to say, to tell, I'm updating the browser, and he doesn't say I downloaded Norton Antivirus software, or, you know what I mean? Yeah, no, I mean, it's just... Maybe I'm wrong.

I get it. It's a misdirection. It's like somebody's computer, you mess with it, or go to a porno side. She's like, oh, I fixed it.

That was the joke. The joke was that she didn't go the mainstream way. That's the joke of it. Yeah, maybe...

This is how I feel about alternate comedy anyway. This is how I feel when I'm listening to it, too. You know, I go, what the fuck was that? You know, why is that funny to people?

But I get it. That's what I'm saying. Why is that guy's career going better than mine? Like, it's complicated.

Most of them aren't, though. No, you're right. I would never say that. We've been having this argument since the day we met, basically.

Which is that club comedy is as bad as alternative comedy. Bad comedy is bad comedy. Good comedy is good comedy. It doesn't matter what package it's in.

I mean, there's shitty comics that are at the Laugh Factory, and there's terrible comics that are at Meltdown. It's all just the same. I agree completely. I agree as well.

But what I'm telling you is that she was trying to be ulti and didn't sell it well enough. Right. Like, that has to do with your persona. You know, you have to really be like, you know, it's like Stephen Wright or something.

You know, he just says things in a monotone way, but you got where he was coming from. I didn't get where you were coming from. You wanted that to just be funny on its own. And I fixed his computer, and we're supposed to go, oh, I got it.

You know, he didn't do that. But I get where you're going with it, so you keep working on it. So my opinion is that specificity is funny. The more specific, the more funny it is.

And so how safely he was browsing isn't as specific as, no, he had no idea that he now has 64 gigabytes of clean RAM or whatever thing is as specific. Yeah, yeah, basically, he puts in detail. We gotcha. I'm a computer.

Yeah, I like that. You cleared his cache, and, you know. But it's funny you said that about the porn, because the first time I told that joke, that's what I said, that I, like, navigated to a porn site and, like, cranked up the volume. And I got a new laugh.

I go for the easy laugh. No, I think that's a good instinct, actually, is to take your material and say, okay, well, what's an even more interesting twist that I could put on this than the thing that somebody's thinking? Yeah. And that's what I'm saying.

You could have done that if you didn't. You just didn't sell it well enough, and I agree with him. Some specifics literally set that off. But you're going in the right direction.

I'll give her an endorsement. Fuck yeah. The style of Sarah Kenny, everybody. She's on Twitter at SKennyComedy.

She's on period at right now. Fuck yeah. Just letting it all flow, Sarah Kenny. Very exciting.

Kenny, you're Guatemalan. Have you ever been with a girl while she was on her period? No, but I have taken a girl's virginity. Yeah, I would like that, yeah.

All right, nobody got that one. I think they got it. They didn't want it, you know? It's so gross.

All right, let's move on. It's chunky. Yeah, exactly. I didn't want to say the word chunky.

I'm glad you did, though. Do you guys remember if when you were on last, did I ever ask you if there was something that you didn't, when you first started a comedy that you regret or that you're embarrassed about? Did I ask you that? I started asking that around episode, I don't know, 30-something.

I don't know. I remember my first, I think one of my first, my first joke I ever wrote was about having a big nose. I remember doing this other joke about Superman, you know, and I see, I'm sure half the comics in here probably had the same joke, you know, it's like, you know, I have my glasses, so I'd be like, you know, Clark Kent, you know, look at me, I'm Clark Kent, now I'm Superman, you know, put my glasses back on, I'm Clark Kent again, you know. Oh, wow.

Yeah, I was. That is embarrassing. You know, I look back on it now, I'm like, ah, you know. There's certain topics, you know what, I tell you, in this day and age, the internet, especially Twitter, makes topics hacky fast, you know, it just makes it like, okay, you can't talk about that anymore because everybody's talking about it, so, you know, you club voice, that kind of thing.

Oh, that drives me crazy. Oh, my God. You ever read Andy Kindler's Hack Handbook? Oh, I gotta get that.

It's online, anybody can read it, just Andy Kindler's The Hack Handbook, and you read it, and you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, and then invariably there's something you do, you're like, fuck you, Andy Kindler, fuck my dick, you don't know shit. You fucking hack. Yeah, this is hack, this is hack, hack, hack. So, you know.

I used to do a thing where I would act super, like, hip-hop on stage, and, like, I thought that my look kind of allied, you know, because I grew up sort of, you know, I was an African-American teenager, and so then, all right, and then I had the opposite of, and I now realize it was mostly a defense mechanism, it was mostly like, well, let me put a thing between my personality and the audience so that nobody can get to me or whatever, but, you know, but these days, it's just like, I'm feeling it, you know what I mean? Oh, I see what happens. But now you can do that at an alt show, and it'd be like, oh, he's doing a hip-hop character. And it would be okay, you know what I mean?

We get away with murder, man. It was because it's a comfortable environment, you know? I love it. I know some people, I know some people still that actually, and I won't name any names, but I know some people that have gotten successful, and they blatantly have that shield, and now they have to stick with it, you know?

Like, they got success while being a hip-hoppy white guy who's not really like that offstage, he's not like, yo, what up, man? But he sort of is onstage, and now he's stuck doing that forever, and it's not even him that's going to stop. Yeah, no, I tell you what's not cute is a 35-year-old comedian, like, trying to act at hip-hop, you know what I mean? Like, I'm still at it, what's up, what's up, beastie boys?

Everybody's like, no, you're two decades too late. What are you talking about, Moshe? What are you talking about, boy? Where are the ladies at?

Where are my public enemy fans at? Oh, they don't exist anymore! First of all, this is the whitest shit ever. Well, that's the point.

Is this your hip-hop? Is this some corny-ass whamership? That's the point, that's the joke we were making. No, because white people, white people, we didn't say by the bell.

Yeah, that was the exact thing we were doing. Hey, where's all my black homies at? Like that. Oh.

That was, I doubled up on that one, that was overkill. I said black and homies. That went, like, way over the top. Isn't that what Anthony tweeted?

Yeah, same shit. Because apparently only a white guy can assault you on the street, and then you can talk about it. Because if somebody else of color attacks you on the street, and you tweet about it, you're a racist. So, I think that's dumb.

To go back to that issue. Oh, I see, I see. But he then called black people animals. I think that was more the problem.

I think he was calling that woman an animal. He said these people, so he couldn't have been talking. Unless he had a weird psychedelic experience where she became a group. I think he was nitpicking the guy's words.

I think if you had to ask him, I think, you know, when you're upset, and you say these people, you don't mean all people. Well, what he was referring to is that that woman was there, and then some other black guys sat around and watched him instead of helping him. But then he said, we've really come a long way from the civil rights movement. Look, I'm not saying he should have been fired.

I'm just saying it wasn't like he was being like, oh, well, it could have been interpreted as a race. There's certain issues in New York that's going on with violence in the black community. I don't think he was trying to be funny, and I think that it's hard. I'll tell you, because, I mean, I used to get beat up by black people.

Here we go. It is really hard. That's as shocking as the guy with the Iron Man costume going crazy. It's really hard to not seem racist after you got beat up by a black guy.

That's my point. That's how I feel about it. It is. What are you supposed to say?

Okay, I hear you, and everybody has their own response to anger, and you never are pretty when you're angry. But if a white dude beat you up, it's not very difficult for you to not be racist towards white people. I would say that he was an animal. Right, that's my point.

He could have said the exact same thing, these people, then you would refer to, you'd be like, what does he mean, street people, or people on the street? Like, they were all white. He could have used the exact same wording. That's my point.