KILL TONY #65

Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to Kill Tony here at desquat.tv. Go to our website, click on Tour Dates and you'll see that we'll be at the Ellie Pod Fest. This Friday, Ellie Pod Fest is here in Hollywood, California. It's Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

All the biggest names and podcasts are going to be there. It's like a big festival and then we are ending the Friday night at 11 o'clock with a Thunder Plussy. Me and Jeremiah are bringing Thunder Plussy and we're going to have a bunch of surprise guests. If you want to go, tickets are available.

Go to desquat.tv and click on Tour Dates. We are playing Friday, September 26. October 1st, this is our second show at the Comedy Store. It's the new Comedy Show that I'm doing there.

The first one we have Doug Stanhope, Bill Burr, Chris Delia, Brian Cowan, Steve Renizizi, Henry Phillips, Eliza, a bunch of people. This one is going to be no different. We are going to have a bunch of people joining us, including Joey Koko Diaz. That's right.

Joey Diaz at the Comedy Store with Tony Hinchcliffe, myself, and many more. Go to desquat.tv, click on Tour Dates or go to the Comedy Store's website. Again, that's Wednesday, October 1st at 8 PM. Midwest, we are coming.

Me, Tiffany Haddish and Dean Delorey are coming to you on October 15th. We will be in Grand Rapids, Michigan at Dr. Grins. The following day, Columbus, Ohio, we are doing two shows.

We're doing a live podcast, so open mikers, sign up. We are pretty much doing a contest where at 7 o'clock we have a show called the Desquat Draft. We signed up a half hour before. You get to do three minutes of material.

And then me, Tiffany and Dean are going to choose our favorite comic to battle it out at the end with a chance to open up for us at a Desquat Show following the show. That's right at 9 o'clock at the Funny Bone. We are doing a Desquat Dirty Show in the winter. The podcast gets to open up for us.

So again, at 7 o'clock, the Desquat Draft podcast show, and then followed by a dirty show at 9 o'clock at the Funny Bone in Columbus, Ohio. And then October 17th, Indiana. We are going to be playing Morty's Comedy joint for doing a late show. And then October 23rd, me and Tony are going to be in Phoenix at Stand Up Live, and that's October 23rd Thursday.

All right, guys, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Band coming to you from the Road Famous Comedy Store for a brand new episode of Kill Tony, volume 2. Get up, our Tony. Yes, here we are, episode 65 of Kill Tony.

Everyone welcome. It's a special, special day. Hi, everybody. Good to see you guys.

Here we are again after a delicious meal from our new sponsor, Elise Lane. That was so good. She did it again. I had no idea you were even going to be here.

And I was running late. I couldn't get my normal McDonald's. And wow, that's such a better meal. You get to live for another week.

That's right. So Elise Lane, our gourmet chef. There she is right there in the corner. Everybody, peer hands together for us.

Yes. Amazing. What do we have tonight, Elise? Well, was it?

It was Panzanella and White Beam Dip. It's so delicious. Mm, that's super human fuel. And mozzarella balls.

It's some kind of relish with us. Delicious. Gourmet chef touch, where you don't even know what this stuff is. Yeah.

You just keep shoving it in your mouth. That's at Elise Lane on Twitter and on Facebook and Instagram. She's at the girl with a pan, everybody. That's right.

Elise Lane. What is she doing like some weird practical joke documentary? Like, no, we're going to feed these guys for the next six months, like dead animals. We found on the road.

But we're going to make it so delicious. They're not even going to care. That would be like a whole other show. Yeah.

Guys, it's a crazy day. We lost the great Robin Williams today. Let's start off with a bang. Let's start off with a sponsor and the death of the day.

That seems like someone I didn't want a joke about. There's some guys that died. I'm like, ah, what this guy does and that and that. But when you go.

Well, you know, I don't have a joke for it. But I really am shocked that he was hanging out in the middle of that racetrack. All right, you sons of bitches. I know too soon.

Exactly. Nobody has a joke. But in fact, I want to make probably my first ever emotional death tweet where I talked about how cool he was. Yeah.

That's definitely hit like a Kurt Cobain or something when he died. I was like, oh, what the fuck? Really? Yeah.

I had a lot of people asking me what's your death joke on Robin Williams because they know that I know that I know. Yeah, you're the good guy. But instead I didn't, I just couldn't bring myself to tweet that shitty racetrack joke that I told on the podcast. I said I'm going to save it for then and make sure that it dies in the room.

And then I'll be happy that I didn't tweet it to, but now it's out there. But what's interesting is by the time this episode is out in a week or two, it'll probably not be too soon and they'll laugh about that racetrack thing. That's true. So it's not good tonight.

But when the podcast comes out, it'll be right then ready. What else has happened? You were in Florida all weekend. Yeah, I just got home a couple hours ago.

Florida, thank you very much for coming out. First time Death Squad is in Florida. So many people came out. It was amazing.

I learned a lot of new things about Sam Trippley. If you guys know Sam Trippley, if you hang out with that guy long enough, you learn a lot about yourself, about aging. He makes a lot of old man sounds. He's just walking around with, ah.

And then he interviews himself. He interviews. He's always on his phone. So he just sits there and interviews himself.

He goes, whoa, whoa, whoa. Who has done that? Oh, he talks that loud. Yeah, he's just like, I don't know.

He breaks down or something. It's so interesting. I highly recommend becoming a comic and going on towards Sam Trippley. You'll learn a lot about everything.

But it was also interesting because when you travel so much, you go to these airports, and as an unfortunate smoker, you hate not being able to smoke. But Denver has this new smoking area of their, I don't know if they're getting ready for their marijuana or what they're doing. But you walk in, they're like, there's a one item in them, right when you walk in. You're like, ah, Coke, $5.

And you have to buy something just to sit there and have a cigarette. Are you serious? Yeah, it's great. So you see all these smokers just with like six, seven ups in front of them and like.

I once had a layover. And I'm not sure where it was. It might have been Atlanta. I think it was somewhere in the south.

And they had a smoking lounge. And it was one of the scariest rooms I've ever been in. And it reminded me of the only thing it reminded me of was that waiting room in Beetlejuice. Like when you die, you have to get a long ticket and there's like somebody's sprinkling head shrinker stuff on your head.

And you're like, what? I'm just trying to smoke a cigarette. Get off. Well, that's what this was.

It was about one eighth of the size of this room. Like it was really small with the same amount of people in it. And so there was chairs and people would stand up and you would see the outline of where people sat on the chair. It was like a white chair with yellow outline.

Wow. Denver Airport. Denver. I'm going to Denver.

I'm going to Denver at the end of August and two weeks. Yeah. Going to Austin next weekend and then Denver the weekend after that. So a lot of spots will be opening up here in LA for some of the young comics with Papa Bear out of town.

So congratulations to you guys for that. And we have something big to announce anyway. First time announcement, it's Tony Hinchcliffe and Brian Redband live from Stand Up Live in Phoenix, Arizona, October 23rd. Yes.

So boom. You just heard it. Arizona, if you maybe you smoke some pop before listening to this podcast, you might think to yourself, did they just say they're coming to Phoenix? October 23rd.

We did. Stand Up Live is one of the best comedy clubs in the United States. It's a lot of fun. It's a huge room and we're trying to fill it up.

Yeah. Let's go for it, Phoenix. Tell your friends how much fun you had last time we were there. Daddy.

Yeah. Daddy. There's one super fan right here. Yeah.

Thank you. Guys, are you excited? This is Kill Tony 65. Every week we have a new head of security, a new patriot to keep us safe.

We used to have one guy that did it all the time and he quit about episode 30. He said he got too big for the show. A guy that was dressed like a superhero every week. And it's not even that our chemistry was good because he was funny or anything.

Our chemistry was good because he wasn't funny. But he was trying and it was a whole thing. So anyway, he said he got too big for the show and he quit on us and he told us that he was irreplaceable. So what we did to fuck with him each week after that was we hired a brand new person to do his job to show him exactly how replaceable he is.

And every week we've had a new patriot. And this week's no different. He's a returned patriot because he's done so great for us before you put your hands together. It's at PDC.

It's the Iron Peatreat. How is it? Peat? It's one of these roughly red best friends of many of the funniest people in the country.

Peat. Oh, hey, good to hear. It's good to see a peat. You look fantastic.

Thank you. It's absolutely perfectly. I've been taking fat burners. What's that?

I've been taking fat burners. Ooh. Let me down. Hell yeah.

Yeah, last week I wore this suit I'd like a big camel toe. No, nothing. Oh, is that what happened? You were trying on the suit last week without our, without our kidding.

Yeah, listen to the back. You're going through the motions. You're not trying to get the character. Oh, I love it.

Yeah. That's it. That's it. Let those awkward laughs out everybody.

It's happening. We should probably also congratulate Peat. He also won his big comedy battle down in La Jolla Comedy Store. Congratulations, Peat.

Oh, thank you. I'm going to show you a favorite club. They sold it out for the rose battle. That must have been fun.

I know you were preparing for it. I got to see your jokes before you went down there because I could make it and I knew you were going to win. Can you describe to the audience what that's like, all that pressure? Big sold out La Jolla Comedy Store.

I can't. Very good. It's fitting to the character. Perfect response.

Well, we love you, Peat. Thanks for being here. Thank you. Are you guys ready to meet tonight's guests?

As always, we have two of the funniest people that I know on the show and it's always a blast. This is going to be a fun one because this is pretty much my first time working with both of these guys in a non-stand up capacity. So, put your hands together for two of my funniest newest friends. It's Guy Branham and Mark Norman, everybody.

It's happening. Yeah. Here comes. Yeah.

Nothing's happening. Fuck yeah, guys. Mark, anyway, you guys want to do it. Welcome.

You're the first people ever to get the non-intro music? Yeah. The ghost of Robin Williams decided not to have internet. So, it made it very serious.

I sort of like it that way. Help us on the way. Mark and Guy. What's happening, guys?

Welcome to the show. Have you ever worked with anything like the Iron Patriot before? I worked in Disneyland for six weeks. Really?

No. But that is terrifying. Thank you. Nice unit there.

I have a four-year-old nephew. It's very similar. Guys, welcome to the show. I'm excited to have you guys on.

Thanks. Guy. You should take that outfit to a tailor. Just have it taken in a little bit at the waist.

It would be a lot more flattering. Oh, thank you. Maybe that'd be a good plan. Get it fit properly.

Since we do use it every week. Guy, I like it. You just gave us an idea that we haven't thought of in a six-year-old. Yeah, I thought it was a two-year project one way, right?

No, no. I was on season eight of Last Comic Standing for around 45 seconds. Actually, Guy, you don't even notice. I've actually known who you were for a sense of the day one of moving out here.

I think it was. Used to work for one of my favorites. G4 would used to be tech TV. It's true.

It's true. I was one of the respected gaming journalists. Why did you watch G4? Did you not have sex in high school?

No, but when I moved to LA, I didn't have any friends. So, I just went to hangout with somebody that was not my cat. I went to all the audiences of the screen savers back in the day. That's so sad.

It's so sad. But yeah, that's how I met Kevin Pereira and all those guys eventually. I worked with Kevin in this podcast, Pointless. Oh, that's awesome.

It ended up helping me out a long time. He's a little mogul now. It's very impressive. I've seen him in so many shows.

You were in a show where you work on a lot of shows behind the scenes as a writer. It's a goddamn career, ladies and gentlemen. You just got to make it happen. Screen savers, what is that?

It used to be before, I don't know. It used to talk for us nerds. It was a show that talked about how to fix our computers and how the internet was. Imagine the fourth hour of the Today Show but for people with Asperger's.

Yes. Pete, you have any questions for tonight's guests? Possibly. First, Mark, I was reading your Twitter, rivoting stuff.

What was the most drop-up tequila you've ever done before, getting into a $30 Iron Man outfit? I don't know, six. There you go. Great improv.

Interesting question from the major. I'm guessing we had to see a tweet for it that would really be funny. Oh, shit. I got to follow you.

I don't get it. First, a quick follow-up. How many shots of tequila would it take for me to get inside of that Iron Man costume? The answer is seven.

I was one away. And you, I love your 10-minute podcast and my question is what would it be, crudly in the three stages, booby? Oh, I actually auditioned for that role and had to show up and be like, I'm not good at physical comedy. Yes, I am a gross caricature of a human being but I mostly just work through things that go into or out of my mouth.

Oh, great answer. How long have you guys been doing stand-up? Mark? Oh, coming up on eight years.

Yeah. So, yeah. You feel pretty green? Twelve years.

So clearly I'm taking a more like gentle approach than Mark is. It's gradual. Funny guy. Well, let's get it on.

Shao, you guys know what we're doing. A bunch of comedians do a minute and then we talk to them about anything in the world. Maybe about what they talked about. Maybe a little bit more about themselves.

Anything can happen. Guys, this is episode 65 of Kill Tony. Comedians, you know that your minute is up when you hear the sound of a kitty. Aw, that means you better wrap it up or else you're going to bring out the angry West Hollywood bear.

There he is. That was your old name. Yes, are you guys just nagging me very indirectly? What the fuck?

Yeah, here we go. You guys ready to get this thing started? Your first comedian tonight goes by the name of G.N. Whitney.

All right, G.N. Whitney coming from Beat in the Upper Down. Does it count? I like how much transport time is worked into this podcast.

It's Gene. That's okay. Gene. So, I was at the store the other day and I saw this guy who was wearing a T-shirt and on the front of it it said Hustler.

And on the back it said Relax. It's just sex. Which really makes me want to get a T-shirt that says Relax. It's just child support.

You know, I mean I've watched porn before but never when I saw a young girl getting fucked by five to 30,000, however, number of dudes, and they're all waiting in line to jizz on her face and I think to myself, hmm, she looks like she is really relaxed. It's more like hmm, she looks like she once wanted to be an actress. The great poet Langston Hughes once asked, what happens to a dream deferred? Does it dry up like a raisin in the snow?

It gets coming. It's quite different. Thank you. Yeah.

All right. Yeah. 54 seconds. Tough crowd.

Good stuff. Yeah. 30,000 people in a pornographic film that just seems like a logistical nightmare. Did Cecil B.

DeMille make porn? I don't know. Lady, you come up here with material like that. You have to back it up.

You have to be able to think about it. You're right. I'll work that in. It all started from that T-shirt and then there was a lot of like math there.

I mean, it was just like, what's the only one that got lost? I didn't understand the child support joke. I didn't know what you were saying. Well, I mean, relax.

It's just sex. Nothing is just sex. Wow. I disagree.

You're not having the right kind of sex. You're a comedian. No, you don't. Well, that's your opinion.

That's your opinion. Well, Gee, you need to win us over with your opinion. If you show up here, like relax and you're doing a very subtle joke, like, it needs to be something that eventually like slaps me and jizzes in my face with magic and happiness. It can't just nuzzle my cheek.

It has to be obvious. And even like when you think it's obvious to yourself, you have to think that half the people are probably dumber than you in the audience. Yeah, look at that. At least think that way.

It's true. At least think that way, though. I mean, there's some jokes that you really have to like really write it out. Because that to me, it's only child support.

That means like, wait, you already have kids and you're just trying to fuck this guy and get money from? I have no idea what you're talking about. Right. You know, I tried that somewhere else and it worked really well, but maybe it's just the way that I said it.

Well, when you bring 12 friends, it's a different story. I didn't know anybody there. I'm joking. She's going to have to play a parrot.

A play me. Oh. Oh. Gene, how long have you been doing stand up?

I'm almost a year now. Nice. You do a lot of spots? Like how many in a week?

About five a week. Do people often say your first name wrong or they get Gene on the first name? They say it wrong all the time. Yeah.

All right. And then what do you normally say when they say it wrong? I say it's Gene. And then you.

Yeah. And then you start off with that. No. Well, sometimes I get it right.

But sometimes they don't and then I just correct them or I don't correct them but lately I've been doing it. I'm like, yeah, I'm just going to tell them that it's how to say my name. If you get a bit out of that, like a joke out of the name correction, then it's worth it. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't want to do that. Instead of having to have an opener where it's like, no, my name is because you're not going to win anybody over in your first minute. That's true.

Well, I honestly, if you're going to be uncompromising, then you need to be uncompromising. Like if you're not going to change the way you spell your name, then you need to motherfucking let people know how your name is spelled and don't take no for an answer. You can't just come up here and be chill. People aren't going to be cooperative.

Like you can be chill, but you have to make so clear to everyone here that they have to be chill that they're a little bit terrified of it. Yes. I'm sorry. I was mean.

No. Well, how do you do that? I mean. There are awesome, awesome laid back, dead pan comedians or like people who, I mean, look at somebody like Tess Barker who comes up and she's always just like a fun frivolous pod head, but she's got fucking jokes so that everybody there knows that they're going to have a good time on her terms.

Okay. Yeah. What do you do when you're not doing what did you do before it stand up? I did acting and drugs and writing.

Let me talk a little Coke. Hey, better. Hey, better. No.

Yeah. What about junior year in high school Mexico for Habitat for Humanity mushrooms? Do we have any of those? Unfortunately, no.

I'm sorry. You're thinking of already Shafir? So Jean, like, you know, what do you, what do you, what do you, what did you do any acting that we might recognize? You're so uninterested in this.

Do you win anything? Not unless you're in the Midwest. I did some Deaconess commercials at the real hospital. Hey, all right.

We're had a baby. What? No, no, no, I played a mother. Oh, whoa, whoa.

I wasn't giving birth like I was a mother. I was going to say I saw you in high school. I was in the video. Wait, do you think you're still a mother and you're trying to get child support?

No, I'm not a full traumatic memory. Do you, do you write like the bit, I mean the joke, the tag first and then try to write around it or how do you come up with what you're doing? Sometimes I just think of it and then I write it down or I say it out loud, you know, I mean what do you do? I usually think of something really crazy and I try to write a story around it or I try to write a story and then add all my silly ideas and throw them into that story.

It's just different. I was trying to figure out that first joke still. I still don't understand the first joke. I'm trying to figure out that joke first.

Can I suggest a punch for part of your porn joke? Yeah. 30,000 is just such a vague thing and we all know that nobody's actually being focked by 30,000 people in a porn and it just sort of like diffuses the energy. I think it is much funnier if a person is being focked by five to 37 and a half men because it's visual, it's visceral and it feels possible.

Okay, thanks. You're wondering how many of them are little people, like maybe it was five little people in minutes up to two and a half. Also, you're a new comic. You don't have fans yet.

So like you were saying you got to be pretty broad. No offense. You know, but I mean like you got to be like, I'm not saying you should go hacky but you got to appeal to a lot of people and make it a little easier up top. Get your fans first and then go into your deep like meanings of child support.

Right. Jean, thank you so much. Okay, thank you. Jean Whitney.

She's on Twitter. Jean L. Whitney. If you're going by my enunciation of her first name, you will not find her on Twitter.

So I'll spell that out for you. It's spelled like G-A-N-N-E-L. Whitney. All one word.

I'm going to say it with a silent N-N-E after it. As a host, I used to host the comedy store when we would do 40 comics a night. Like that was the system in the other room and I did it for years and years and so many weeks and it would always crack me up when somebody would go, my name's blank after I say it. Always how it's spelled.

You know what I mean? Do you think like when it's something like this, this is not a real name that the parents were just fucking with her and like they just never told her? That's just the French spelling of Jean you guys, right? Yeah.

Well welcome to America, Jean. This is what happens when your parents try to croissant up your name. Here's a question I always ask my guests when they're on for the first time. Is there ever anything you did when you first started stand up that you can't believe you did, like that you put back on like a joke or maybe something crazy like a pop-in or anything weird that you may have done say in your first few months of doing stand up, anything that you look back on and you can't believe you ever said or did.

One year of the N-word on stage, one attempt to do a voice, both of them turned out as poorly as the other. Oh, I don't N-word bit myself. I stand by the bit but it's got the N-word in it so people don't get on board. Guys are both dropping N-bombs over here.

I wouldn't have guessed that. I haven't dropped an N-bomb yet. That was just the N-word. But yeah.

Gotcha. That's it. It's a solid joke but you know the N-word turned people off apparently. It's true.

Who knew? It's true. Everything alright, Josh? So producer Josh, for all you podcast fans out there listening to that clicking on and off, that was a special shout out to you guys just because we love you.

Alright, let's keep this fun trying to move on along. We found out you guys both dropped the N-word, found out how awkward that can get. Oh yeah. I've still never done that.

It's just something about it. I just can't. Okay, for your hands to go up from Mason Grat. Alright, Mason.

There he is. It's Mason Grat everybody. That's Mason Goed. Hey how you doing?

Y'all just dropped across the United States. Took me a while to get here. I broke down in Kentucky. I picked up a hitchhiker.

We was walking down the road in the wild boar gat after us. He looked at me thinking, I was like no, I know I can now run you. And now I come across. I went through, got the Vegas.

I went to Colorado too but I couldn't remember how long I was there or what I did. I didn't even smoke weed until I got the Vegas because it's not legal in Virginia. I got pulled over by some cops and they were like sir, are you hauling any drugs, alcohol, any weapons? I was like hell no, I'm hauling das.

I said you let me through here and I'll be out your way. But anyway, this is my first stand up as you can tell. Maybe. There you go.

You just get a minute. Mason, you get it. First time ever. Wow, you got to talk in the mic.

All these responses about everything we're about to talk with you with. You got to talk right into that. Okay. Okay.

That's number one. It's talking in the mic. Yeah. You talk pretty far from it.

That's when you hear that squeaking noise. It's trying to turn it up times like 30. I'm sorry about that. Pull that out of the mic stand and put the mic stand behind you.

Yeah. And then keep that mic right next to you at the front of your mouth. Put the mic stand behind you, Mason. Thank you.

All right. I'm good. I'm good. Mason, can I tell you something?

Yes. I love your style. Thank you. That was an awesome minute for it being your first time ever on stage.

Yeah. You're missing punch lines. Yeah. Yeah.

But you sort of have like this old western, like a spaghetti western type of stand up style to you. It's like, well, I was just taking a little adventure. Like it's so interesting. Like I can almost picture your one hour special already.

Mason, gray, around the world. It's funny because you sound like this southern cowboy, but you look like a Jewish accountant. It's true. Doesn't he's got the blazer in that hair?

It's true. At any point you could jump in a phone booth and fly out of here. Very Clark Kenti. Juperman.

Yeah. You are very well put together. You've clearly took this seriously and you know your audience will appreciate and respect that. You just have to be a little bit more in control of what you're doing.

And then for a joke, that's a street joke. You can't just go into street jokes. Yeah. All right.

I'm going to go through your material. Okay. I got you. Hell yeah.

And I haven't talked to you off stage yet, but it seemed like you were almost reading it or was memorized in your head. You got to take that story and act like you're talking about, you know, you have to say like you're talking to me behind the comedy story. You know, you have to make it like me and you're just hanging out. Instead, it was kind of, I felt very scripted and very like you're just trying to remember what the next sentence is.

That's how I was for like my first year of stand up. I was just sort of like rolling through the jokes as quickly as I could. I could tell you how to memorize at the part where you were talking about being between Colorado and Las Vegas and then you thought for a second the next thing you said was Virginia. You went way back on the map about 10,000 miles.

Why do you have such Colorado? Right. Oh, hey, one more thing. You know when you said you were just tall and ask?

That's your punchline. Let it land. Don't like after you say a punchline, even if it wasn't good and the audience isn't laughing at it, let them know that they should have laughed at it. That is your mother fucking show.

There you go, ladies and gentlemen. He was hauling ass. Do what guy does scare you in the laughing. Fuck yeah.

Hey, you know, you seem very, you were in there. First time I was working on it. Yeah. What have you been doing for a living up until this point?

Nothing much. I'm not too big on work. Right, right. So what do you do for cash?

Just find me a cougar. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I was a construction worker.

You can tell what he looks like by that gasp for you podcast listeners that happen after he said cougars. Which trade were you? Time Steel. Oh, cool.

A Rob Bango. What was it? A Logger? Rob Bango.

Rob Bango. Oh, that's a black comic. It means that he can structure the supports that the concrete gets poured around so that when it solidifies, it will have strength. I know this because I wasn't always gay.

So, Mason, is stand up something that you've always wanted to do? Yeah, I've been told all the pretty funny guy. Who told you that? Mostly drunk people.

Mostly drunk people. Fuck yeah. Where did this adventure start? It happened in Virginia.

You moved from Virginia. Yeah, it's a stressful job. I had a relationship that wasn't working, so I just said, you know, forget it. You can keep everything and I'm out.

Damn. You gave him everything? Is that a trachoke there? Hey, let's just keep it moving along, Mason.

Keep it moving. I'll ask the questions around here. You son of a bitch. So, it started in Virginia.

Now, where do things start going south with that? How long? Presumably North Carolina. Like, how long were you with this chick?

Two years. And she got all of the trailer or? It was a mobile home. I'll let her keep it.

Was it? Was it really? No. I thought she could take over the rent.

The rent, right. So you didn't really leave her anything. You actually left her paying full rent. Which is a lot worse than leaving her something.

That's the in fact, the opposite of that. What's the rent there? What? $600 for a mobile home?

Yes, $600 for a mobile home. This is not working. Yeah, you're on. Maybe a little bit louder.

Were you Union? No. See, Union, Union concrete worked. That's good money.

But whatever you were doing, I'm sorry. Fuck yeah. Thank you. That's Robin Williams in the back making things extra creepy for us.

He's fucked up the internet. He's fucked up the microphones and now he's in the back. Fuck yeah. Mason, how long did you leave that chick tied up under the stairs before you left her in Virginia?

Was she already on, did they find the body yet? They most seem to run when I say put these chains on. Yeah, that's okay. I made it creepier.

Yeah, but when I'm trying to get to, marriage is like change. 75% of people get divorced. So I mean, that's pretty much like, you know, you're chained down. Honey, and then you put a sentence at the end of it that's funny.

And then that's a joke. Fuck yeah. Well, Mason, I could talk to you for the rest of it. I really could.

You're not on Twitter? Not yet. Are you on Facebook or something like that? I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. Did you come here specifically for this show or just to L.A. to do stand up?

How did you find out about Piltoni? He got mail. Yeah, just look on the internet. You're on the internet.

Farmers.com? Fuck yeah, Mason. Did you spell your last name incorrectly because you're on the most wanted list? Or like, what is that?

Let's go. Go. Go. G-O-A-D.

Yes. Wow. That's Metallica font that you're using. Oh yeah.

It really is. Hey, it's definitely next to the D there. G-O-A-D. But it's pronounced G.

Mason, thank you so much. That's Mason Grant, everybody. Look out for him on Twitter. He might join at any point.

Mason Grant, I can just picture him tweeting while driving across the country, writing more wacky material. The first time though, Mason, great cadence on that guy. Yeah, cadence. Cadence.