Um, I also, I also quite liked that. Um, they didn't change the detail about the line dancing club. I know. It's a bleen line dancing club fucking cowboy, Bob.
Okay, if a cowboy, Bob, then Bob's your cowboy. In it. In it. I don't know about you, but I'm rolling.
No, me too. Okay, good. We're going to want all that. All right.
You want to jump into this baby? Yes. Boy, baby, wake up. It's time to work in the factory.
Howdy, Dan. Howdy. As they say in the line dancing clubs of London. Howdy do.
Um, howdy, Rob. As they say in the line dancing clubs of England. Get along little doggy. Swing your partner round and round.
It's like we're, we're racing to see who could do the worst, British accent. I think I'm getting better the more I do it, actually. Oh, okay. I don't think.
Yeah. No, I think I'm doing pretty good. I think you may be mistaken on this one. All right.
Well, welcome, dear listener, to your weekly King me, baby. Howdy, baby. Daddy, Danny. Howdy, baby.
I'm Daddy, Danny. I'm I'm joining me as always is cowboy, Rob. Go Rob. Cowboy, Rob.
Oh, no. God damn it. What? It's going to be very unprofessional.
What? Your behavior. I won't stand for this, this Tom Foolery, this new cowboy nameery. I bet you call a collection of various beans and pico de gallo caviar.
Yeah, that's the way you're acting. It's like caviar to me. I bet you oysters are bull's testicles. That's right.
Yeah. Yeah, I eat like jalapeno peppers in like a sugary, spicy syrup. They call it cowboy candy. Is that right?
Yep. Is that I almost said is that a thing? And that's something I'm really trying to like purge from my from your lexicon. Yeah, I never want to be heard saying is that a thing?
Is that even a thing? You know, it's another one. I don't think I do this, but it really bugs me when people do. So tell me tell me something you did today.
You're just like, you know, you know, it's another one that really bugs me. Oh, I am Rob. Welcome to King D. I'm cowboy.
Wait, what did you say? I don't think that's why I'm pretty shocked. It's like you know, it really pisses me off. No, here.
This is the thing that bugger is my pet pee. My bug bearer. Is that you said tell you about? Yeah, tell me something you did today.
I went to I went to shop right earlier today. Did you don't you hate that? Someone's like, I really like. Yeah, I actually really like cowboy caviar and they go, do you though?
It's the most annoying fucking thing. Yeah, I know in like TV show writers rooms, they when they're trying to do a good job or whatever, they put like a list of all those kinds of like cliches and like hacky jokes that have been just done to death. And they're like, we can't use any of these things. And then, you know, keeps getting the law.
The list keeps getting longer. And then and then the show runner comes in. They're like, just got word from the studio that we have to use all. Yeah.
Just got word from the studio. They're actually going to make a younger version of the character. Do you though? Yeah.
No, maybe I should do that. I'm like, like a put up like a, like a dry erase board in this room. And it's like, don't ever say, uh, I don't know. No, is that a thing?
Different ethnic slurs. Yeah, yeah. It's just all ethnic slurs. I look at it every day for about 10 minutes.
Like just reread all of them. If I have to, I'll say one, but in the privacy of my own home. Weirdly, the board is 90% Portuguese. Oh, we're percent Turkish.
Did you say we're? Yeah. Oh, God. Oh, dear.
But that's not, that's not what this shows about. Does Kingie Babies every week? What do we do? Maybe this is someone's first time tuning in.
Oh boy. Maybe they're a big Jacqueline right fan. Are they? Do you think they could be a Jacqueline right fan?
Are they? But are they? Are they really? Oh, I'm going to start over.
Sort of a just a sensor bleep. I mean, maybe she's got like, she's got some, she doesn't work. She's a, uh, collaborator with Alice Lowe, who's like a comedic actor in, uh, frick in England. That's the thing.
Like, I was looking at the, do you look at the cast? You look into the credits of the cast of this movie? Yes. Everyone, there's, there must be 10 actors in England.
I know. All of them have like real credits. Yeah. This, I mean, this guy, the main character guy, he was in the King speech.
He wasn't, you know, hey, that's the name of the show. Hey. Yeah. I mean, he's been working since 1977, a bridge too far.
Like, this guy, you know, he's been around for a fucking minute. Huh? Yeah. Yeah.
Now, um, yeah, Jacqueline, right, the director works with Alice Lowe, who I'm assuming this is the Alice Lowe they're talking about. Cause I mean, how many Alice Lowe's could there be in England, right? Not many, right. Couldn't possibly be, but she was in like Hot Fudge.
Hot Fudge. Hot Fudge. Hot Fudge. She was in the goddamn band or snatch.
Wait a second. She was in Hot Fuzz. Yeah. She played Tina in Hot Fuzz.
Who the fuck is Tina? I don't know. But she was also, she plays Madeline Woll slash Liz Asher in Garth Moringy's Dark Place. Uh, jeez.
Oh, wow. This is so weird. I, I didn't look at who the priest was before, right? I looked at like some of the other ones.
The priest is, it's played by Hugh Ross, but he was in this movie Nightbreed. I just watched this movie like last month. It's like a Clive, one of the only like one of the three Clive Barker directed movies. It's like Hellraiser Nightbreed and Lord of Illusion.
And he's in this. He plays like a main character and shit. Like what? How about that?
Yeah. And he's in Train Spoting as man. What's I love that guy? Yeah.
He's a great character. Yeah. He's in Patriot games. He's in a bunch of stuff.
Yeah. Pretty cool. He's in Bronson plays Uncle Jack in Bronson. Love Bronson.
Love Uncle Jack. Oh, I uncle Jack. Wait, do we even say what we're doing this week or establish the premise of the series? Nope.
We are watching dollar babies, which, if you are not familiar, are non commercial adaptations of Stephen King, typically short stories, occasionally a poem, where Stephen King licenses the rights to his work to amateur filmmakers for a buck. Right. Now, I don't know what the exchange rate is on this one. This is a pound, baby.
Right. A shilling, baby. Now, is, well, England was part of the, they have the Euro. Oh, not anymore.
Right. I'm more. So what are they got? And what's the currency over there?
Shall I? They're back to Shelley's. They were always, I think they were always on the pound, though. Were they?
Yeah. Oh, yeah. I guess they were. But, huh.
Well, it's not like when they joined the EU, they had to drive on the right side of the road. Yeah, I guess not. But like, so why would they switch over to? Switch their car.
Yeah, I guess. Yeah. The British fuck off. Yeah.
Rob's doing Rob's doing a peace sign with the back of the hand facing out. Yeah. British for fuck off because they can't do anything right. It's all just a little off over there.
In it. In it. In it. So we're talking.
So this is a dollar, baby. We're talking about the short film from 2012, Mute, which is available on Vimeo. Which is how Joe Pesci pronounces, Mute. As.
Right. And I was pointed out by the Southern judge. King alum, Fred Gwyn. Fred Gwyn.
That's right. I called him the Southern judge because I had a Fred Gwyn Edwyn. No. Yeah.
Collapse. Yeah. Yeah. Right.
Is it Ed Edwyn? Is Edwyn Fred Gwyn. Yeah. You're looking this up now to be safe.
Yeah. I Edwyn was in Mary Poppins. Yes. Yes.
Yeah. He's the guy with the voice. Yeah. Yeah.
It's very silly. I love to laugh. Sorry. But I was just genuine laughter for me, baby.
Yeah. You were just clapping your hands. Kids back then. Yeah.
I mean, kids back then were spoiled. They don't know how good they had it. Sorry to go on a rant here, but. They had kids back then.
Kids back then. They don't know how good they had it. They had friggin Edwyn and Don Knotts, like human cartoon characters. Yeah, they did it.
Kids these days. What do they got? Zach Efron with fillers. Jesus.
Yeah. Right. Yeah. Where it's like you go see a movie, an animated movie, and the rock is just there being like, do you really.
Is that even a thing? Yeah. I'm just going to leave this here. Okay.
I'm not even going to touch that. Sorry. Sorry. That's another line in the movie.
Oh, no. That's punch up. Yeah. They hire 30 writers to come up with.
Okay. So I guess we're doing that now. Jesus Christ. Oh man.
Everything's bad, huh? No. No. Sorry.
Everything is good. Never mind. Yep. Yep.
Everything's good. Move on. Before everything's bad. Well, actually, we're talking about England.
It's not quite a movie for something called mute. I was supposed to listen to this on mute, correct? Yes. Hey, that's the mark of a quality film, right?
It tells a story visually. Yeah. Just kidding. Not this one.
Yeah. Couldn't be done. Yeah, impossible. So we meet our main character.
Our mains. Our mains. We meet the priest. We meet.
Hold on. Sorry. I lost his name. Monette.
Mr. Manette. Yeah. I was wondering about that.
It's spelled M-O-N-E-T-T-T-T-T. Um, Monette? Monette? No.
I don't know. No way. No way. Can't be.
This is like... So it's the E-T-T-E, which would be like a little Monette. Right. A little painter.
Yeah. A baby Monette. I'm gonna paint a little lily bit. Oh, look at that bridge.
I'm gonna paint that bridge. And there is... Yup, you gotta paint the paint brush with full pants. Oh, he's like a really little guy.
Yup. Could you let me hang this up? Could you let me hang this painting up? I mean, really, you're gonna have to do it yourself.
I can't really, uh, uh, talk too much. Yeah. Yeah. too low.
That's you're going to be covering up the the electrical socket if you hang it there. Alright, come here. Oh no, I fell into the electrical socket. Oh no.
I got smaller. That's smaller. Well, this seems like it's a problem that's out of my control. I'm going to move on.
The death of Monette. Wow. RIP Monette 2022 to 2022. Minute, minute 14 to minute 15.
I mean, he got so small. He fell into the light socket. I mean, that's that's crazy. Yeah, it was pretty crazy.
Unfortunately, that's the end of his adventure. Yeah, he's gone now. So there's pretty way the main character's name is Monette. Hey, I'm so what?
Get the get him out here. Alright, alright. Plug something in. Yeah, just channel it in there.
So Monette wants to, he's in a confession booth and the priest asks him, you know, what do you, what do you hear? What can I do for you? Whatever. What do you hear?
What do you say? Yeah, you ever been to a confession? No. Have you?
No, not. I know you're I've never done anything wrong. So I really needed to go. Yeah.
My conscience is clean. Nice. Yeah, I just get baptized every day. I figure that out.
It's less talker. Yeah, a little less conversation, a little more. Right. They do the same thing, right?
Yeah, I think so. I think so. So I don't know if so there, there's like mortal sins, right, which are like, those are like damning to your soul. Those are the ones that sent you to hell, I think.
And then there are the other ones that were like, I, you know, I cheated on my taxes a little bit. And then they're like, you know, five Hail Marys, whatever. I like don't move. I'm calling the idea.
I'm legally obligated to report this. Yeah, as a priest. Right. As a member of an organization that does not pay taxes, I do have to rat on anybody else who doesn't pay taxes.
You think that we all agree to? You should have, you should have known when you saw me swinging that, that big lantern with the incense that I'm all about smokescreens. I'm calling them, throwing you under the bus. That's right.
So Monette, he wants to, he says, he wants to confess and the priest asks him what did he do? And he's like, you're gonna have to tell me that you tell me. And then he tells a story about how he was driving and he picked up a hitchhiker, right? And then on the side, the side, the hitchhiker is holding a sign.
One side says, I'm mute. Can you give me a ride? And the other side says, I'm deaf. Can you give me a ride?
So he gets in the car. They established that he's mute and also deaf. Monette doesn't really, he's like, all right, that's fine. I'm, I don't know exactly where you're going, but we'll, we'll drive down the road for a bit.
And then he starts Monette starts like spilling his guts, just starts telling this hitchhiker who can't hear and can't respond to him that all about how his wife cheated on him. And then all the time, like the hitchhiker is like kind of like going to sleep. You know, he's just, he's really not paying attention at all. And yeah, we get a moment where he's like, he's like, are you asleep?
Or I guess it wouldn't matter if you were where you weren't, you can't hear a goddamn thing. Right. You know, but he talks about how his wife started, started shagging cowboy Bob and how they met it, line dancing and line dancing. Yeah, yeah.
The thing, so the thing is with the source material, it's like, it's written very cinematically. There are a lot of cuts. Yeah. You know, so the perspective, like the short story, bounces between him and the confession booth and him in the car.
Yeah. Right. So he's like telling the story and the confession booth, but we're also seeing him telling the story of what happened with him and his wife to the hitchhiker. Right.
So a lot of the dialogue stays intact. And that includes the detail about the line dancing club. Oh, wait, what's this? I forget what his wife's name was.
Oh shit. But is it Barbara in the short story? Bob. Bob.
Bob. Bob. She just wants a shag cowboy Bob. Cowboy bleeding Bob.
Cowboy be Bob. So, yeah, I mean, they just sort of bounce back and forth with that. And our main character, Monette, he gets up to like, he stops at like a rest stop. He's like, I have to, I have to go to the bathroom.
I have to take a piss. Do you, do you also have to go? And he's like, I don't know, I don't understand what you're trying to say. And then he starts pointing at his, at his crotch.
And he's like, do you have to take a piss? And the, the, the, the guy hitchhiker goes, oh, oh, it's not. That's right. No, nothing like that.
Yeah, no, I don't know. Nothing like that. And then he, he's like, I think he goes, goes to the bathroom. When he comes out, the hitchhiker is gone.
And and he's taken, there's a medallion of St. Christopher, the patron saint of travelers. You bet hanging from his mirror that the hitchhiker took. Then, you know, the, the priest in the confession is like, what's, like, what happened?
Like you're, you, I'm getting a little impatient here. You, you said that your wife was cheating on you. Did you hit your wife? Did you, like, what, like, why, like, why are you here?
Yeah, I will say this pre starts off very unprofessional. Oh, yeah. He comes in hot. He's like, pretty much as soon as Monette sits down, he's like, just so you know, I got company comedy.
I have lunch on the way. Yeah, let's be quick about this. Yeah. So Monette, he says, all right.
So what? So his wife and cowboy Bob, Bob, I don't know why I said like that. That's your British accent. Oh, I, ball.
I'm. Jesus Christ. The two of them, they got into, she started in bezling money from, it was a school district or something, right? Like she's some sort of a, like, yeah, I don't really get into it.
I don't think they really get into it in the short, right? No. But yeah, the background from the story is like she's, she's an admin for a school district and the principal is just like some jabroni, right? Some like former student athlete who threw nepotism was granted the keys to like a five school school district, right?
So he wouldn't, he didn't notice when she was like, skimming money to fund her yeah, underwear habit. Yeah. So right. So apparently they were, she was skimming money from there up to the tune of like $90,000 or something.
The two of them would go, what's that? Quid. Quid. 90,000 quid.
Just trying to keep you on his bro. Isn't it? That's right. So she, she steals a 90 90,000 quid.
Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah.
And then they start gambling with it a little bit. They thought that they could like win the money back and then they like start doing like, yeah, go ahead. That's all story stuff, right? Well, I thought he does talk about them gambling.
Oh, maybe he does. Yeah. Like to try and win the money back or whatever. She, she spent all the money on like, like going out and like fancy lingerie.
And she's 55. He keeps pointing that out. She's 55. She wears bifocals.
Yeah. Yeah. Well, when you talk about it. You know who else you know who was a sex.
Yeah. You know who was a sex maniac and invented bifocals? Was that Ben Franklin? You wasn't sex maniac.
What went on after bifocals? What SDD did Franklin have? He had something with just one. Yeah.
I mean, like the one. It's probably syphilis. Maybe syphilis, but it doesn't make it doesn't syphilis make you go a little crazy, a little mad. Yes.
What it means, what happens is it like, it like sort of burrows into your brain, the little syphilis guy. Not a joke. They're very little, but they sort of like, I'm not joking. I'm telling the truth.
The joke part was going to be that when it happens enough, it makes you do the Benny Hill hallway sequence. I'm not joking. So you die of exhaustion. I'm not joking yet.
From from this, from these core responses, it seems like people do not think that he actually had syphilis since he died at like 84 years old. But he was a sex maniac. I mean, he was, he was, he was, he was putting it around. Sure was.
Yeah. I mean, the guys in love going to France, if you know what I mean. Yeah, he did love going to France. But I mean, if you're going to be discovering electricity like that, I mean, guys are going to be just, yeah, got to discover it every night.
That's right, baby. Hey, you want me to show you some electricity? BAM. Oi, what's electricity?
A time I key to a kite, I did. So I can't believe, first of all, that we canned Monet second. Can't believe we canned him, but this is allowed. This is fine by you all of this.
We have no problem with any of this, but also, we say electricity like five times Monet famously stuck in an electrical socket. All right. And should I let him out of the electrical socket? No, no, I'll do it.
No, you bang the gavel on that one. No, no, I'm pulling the plug on it. Don't say. Wait, what's that mean?
The episode's over. No, I just opened up the, I pulled the plug out of the outlet that Monet was in. Oh, well, look now he's squished and he's fried. Well, and that's canon.
That's canon. I'm calling it. That's canon. You killed him.
Remember who did this? You did this. You're a monster. You did this.
You're a monster. All right. Well, I tried to save him. You all saw it.
I tried to save him, but Rob went lemme. You all saw it. You all saw it. That's, I mean, if you're ever in a group of people where something like bad happens and somebody starts screaming, you all saw it.
He attacked me or whatever. We can't. We're going to have to take that person into consideration, I think. That's definitely you can't trust somebody who's immediately you all saw it.
He attacked. I had no choice. Yeah. Bit of a team Robinson in a hot dog costume.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, yes, Bob's wife.
I mean, Bob cowboy Bob's lover. Yeah, his lover, his sex partner. Mm-hmm. His.
They're just pissing away. Shagadelic babe. Cowboy Bob is just awesome. So they're pissing this money away, but unfortunately they're pissing it into the wind.
Whatever the British version of the IRS is is about to. They're coming down. They're bearing down a Scotland yard. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. There's like a whole mission impossible about this woman. An impossible.
Am I six? Right. That's like a British thing, right? Yes, but the M.I.
doesn't say I'm possible. No, I think I'm pretty sure it does. And I've seen. I'm going to have to stop you there, Rob.
And pretty sure you're wrong on this one. How about an M.I. six for people who are fluent in sarcasm and it's M.I. six.
Am I really though? Six. All right. So she the British IRS is cracking down on her.
She's going to her and Bob, Cowboy Bob are going to go to jail. And Monet, he basically says, the priest is like, why are you telling me all this? And he's like, well, you know, after that, after all of that happened, my wife and Cowboy Bob were found beaten to death in a motel room. Yes.
And sort of visually as this is happening, we're getting cuts leading up to him like revealing that we're cutting to just like a hotel room, washed out in red and like super tight closeups on the hitchhiker. And him like picking up a pair of panties from the pile of underwear. The panties. The panties.
The panties. You ever call them panties? No. It's such a, I guess it's just an old term, right?
You've never like been away from your partner for a while. And it's like, you know, you start texting them, right? Oh, I can't wait to see your panties. I can't wait to sniff your panties.
Well, right. I wasn't well, we're gonna do all that. I don't put my words in my mouth. I don't know if this is that type of show.
It's not. It's not that show. But yeah, so. So yeah, Monette says, he says, can you open up the little screen door thing that divides on?
You know, it's funny is like, he's like, does that open? Like he's still got the screen door. And it's a funny question because it's like, does that open? That's like an honest question.
I guess I didn't realize I had. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I guess that could open the world.
Right. There's still mystery in the world for me. I guess. Yeah.
I mean, he's like, does that open? And prices like, I don't know. Yeah, he starts looking at it. Like, I think there's like a thing over here.
I'll be, you know what? I'll be right back. I think at a Phillips head. Yeah.
So over there, it's called a Richard's Noggin. A Bobby's finger. It is. Yeah, that's exactly.
Jack the Ripper's eyeball. Yeah, it's like, it's gotta be like, it's gotta be somebody specific and then a random thing. So like Jack the Ripper's cane. We call it.
And that's just like a kind of candy. Yeah, right. Yeah. A King George's tooth is what we need.
So anyway, they do effortlessly open the screen. Right. None of that. None of that.
Yeah. They didn't have this argument. Yeah. They didn't stop to talk about how funny the language makes me.
Yeah. And it's he says, and then he pulls out the Saint Christopher, a medallion or whatever that was stolen from his car. And he says that they found that he found that on his dresser after his wife had been murdered after the funeral, right after the funeral, all these things. And there was a note that said, thanks for the ride.
And he's like, you know what? The priest is like, well, he wasn't deaf. I guess he's like, I guess not. But I he's like, in the priest is like, are you sure you didn't like ask him to do it or like tell him to do it or anything?
He's like, no, like I was just, I thought he was deaf. Yeah. And then, so, you know, he so he asked the priest, like, you know, like, did I is what I did us in? And he's like, Oh, yeah.
And then he's like, 10 Hail Marys, 10 our fathers. And that's we'll call it a day. Yeah. Be on your way.
Yeah. So then he goes out to his car and puts on the same red jacket that the hitchhiker hit. What? That's right.
That's right. Oh, I'm the hitchhiker. I am. A cinematic twist, or as they call it in Britain, the philosopher's surprise.
Yeah. A skilly bit it. I fucking hate a skilly bit. Also, that just sounds like scatting.
Yeah. A skilly bit. A skilly bit. So, yeah, that's it.
That's how this thing ends. Yes. And the, you know, we'll talk about the book in a little bit after the break. But the, I will say the code thing is an embellishment.
That's like an invention for this, this film. Yes. And I did not care for it one bit, actually, Rob. Yeah.
I didn't like it at all. I didn't like it at all. It even cheapened the whole thing for me. Because like, yeah.
So what I liked about this story, you know, the film even up to that point, right, up to that very point, is sort of just like, there's a fucking guy out, like that guy's out there. Right. There's a crazy man who will do this sort of thing. And it was giving Gerald's game for me.
It was giving moonlight man. Yeah. I guess. It's just like, yeah.
Yeah. Just wandering stranger who has a set of rules he's playing by. Yeah. Right.
He's like this, I don't know. Yeah. Right. Like a drifter, but like he's drifting in and out of people's lives and not like just towns.
Yeah. And it's also just like, I don't know, like the setup is so nice where it's like, he just like, he tells this guy fucking every single thing. Right. And like, so just like, the logic of it is kind of like perfect.
Like very tidy. And then yeah, I feel like it cheapens it to be like, wait a second. Was this actually just like him going fucking Schizo psycho? I am Jack's panty sniffing cuck husband.
Yeah. Right. It's like you ever see adaptation with Nicholas Cage, where he plays twin brothers, Charlie Coffin. And is that the one where he's a ghost writer?
Is that something else? No, I don't think he's like, no, he's not a ghost writer. They're both writing a screen. They're both writing screenplays.
One of them is Charlie Coffin, who is like, who plays, you know, Nicholas Cage plays him as Charlie Coffin. This kind of like, neurotic, you know, very like in his own head kind of guy. And then he also plays his twin brother, also, who is much more like, like funny, like easygoing like that. And he's he's, they're both trying to write a screenplay and Charlie Coffin is obviously doing his thing.
And the brother is just like, no, I'm writing this like a mystery. And the sort it's about a guy who is he's the killer, the victim, and also the detective on the case. Right. And that is, yeah, if this were longer, yeah, that's got a way to make him the priest.
He's like, he's everybody. I think that's I mean, that's a cheap kind of story, fucking the twist, the Shyamalan twist at the end where, you know, the Kaiser Sosei, I mean, we got you in the last moments because he put up the hood on that red jacket. Otherwise, you probably wouldn't have even noticed. Right.
Yeah, it was kind of a bummer because like, I don't know, up until that point, you know, I thought it was pretty good. I'm all in. I mean, even even with the ending, I feel pretty positively about this. Like, it looks good.
The acting is like very competent. Right. You know, maybe the, um, the quick cuts to the hotel room with like the red filter on it, that's kind of lame. Yeah.
But I almost like it more, you know, like, I think it's like an interesting show of restraint if you just never see that guy again. It's actually like, if you're if the twist is going to be that Monette is him also, right? Like, or should we see or maybe Monette after driving that guy around was like, you know what, I really like that jacket. Next time I see one, I'm going to pick one up for myself.