Kinky vs. Vanilla Navigating a Difference in Desires with Author and Therapist Stefani Goerlich

Ep 313: Kinky vs. Vanilla Navigating a Difference in Desires with Author and Therapist Stefani Goerlich. This was an epic discussion! Stefani is a certified sex therapist, a kink-affirming therapist, a master social worker, a media and intimacy consultant, an award-winning author, and a conference presenter. She's also a podcaster at Securing Sexuality. Her book With Sprinkles on Top is a sex-positive and compelling guide for people with a desire discrepancy in relationships, particularly between kinky and vanilla partners. She assists people in navigating relationships and specializes in gender, sexuality, and relationships in her practice. She also focuses on kink and mental health and how tech fits in, especially in a constantly changing digital world. We talked about how kink is relational, but she doesn't address the how-to's of kink but helps people communicate regarding consent, negotiation, and how to live out healthy power exchange roles and scenarios. She talked about the commonly viewed negativity surrounding kink ...it's "either the butt of a joke or a threat". People don't have good models of what a healthy consensual normative kink looks like. She defines kink as whatever is unusual in its place and time, which also varies greatly across the world. She discussed how novelty inspires our brain's arousal responses & we'd be bored if we were the carbon copy of our partners. She thinks hiding kinks is what leads to boring routine sex and dead bedrooms. She explained the scientific proof that kink can improve your life, increases the feel-good hormones in us, lower stress, increase closeness and improve bonding. There have been actual scientific studies to prove this! She also addressed how to navigate differences in a relationship and how best to prevent contempt and shaming of a partner. Connect with Stefani: www.boundtogethercounseling.com Podcast/conference: https://www.securingsexuality.com Insta: @BoundTogetherCounseling Mastodon: @[email protected] BlueSky: @stefanigoerlich.bsky.social Book (affiliate link this podcast may receive an advertising fee for purchases made through links, which are at no added cost to the purchaser): https://amzn.to/3qAY3Am With Sprinkles on Top invites readers into playful and sex-positive exploration and affirms that vanilla and kinky people can thrive together in healthy relationships. RUAN'S BOOKS/AUDIOBOOKS: Neighborhood Sex Secrets: Buy links: https://books2read.com/u/3R5MZj https://amzn.to/3CVxzw8 Decadent Erotica: https://open.spotify.com/show/1lBhpFaZB6TPpN1mbeOwdi Ruan's Books, Audiobooks: https://books.ruanwillowauthor.com/ Planet X/Podnation Roku tv station: https://player.frontlayer.com/live/fl427618 Support the show Newsletters https://subscribepage.io/ruanwillow https://linktr.ee/RuanWillow Affiliate Firm Tech 15% OFF with code ruan15 https://myfirmtech.com/ruanwillow