Hi Daddy Gang! Although it's an off week for me, it's not an off week for you. I want to revisit one of my favorite episodes of the year and I figured maybe you missed it and maybe you didn't, but you want to watch it again. This is the Kristen Cavalery episode.
I had so much fun whenever I recorded this with Kristen. I grew up watching the hills, watching Laguna Beach, so to get to meet Kristen Cavalery and be like, you're literally the best same human being in person. Gorgeous, funny, hilarious. I just couldn't take it.
So, Daddy Gang, enjoy this week's episode! Kristen, I love you! Have fun! Goodbye!
It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her. That laugh. I know it so well. It's so weird to be in person with you now.
Okay, okay. Kristen Cavalery, welcome to Call Her Daddy. Thank you. I have always been a huge fan.
Laguna, the hills, owned all the DVDs, would watch with my sister, would binge watch, but another reason I was super excited to have you on was because I follow you on social media. I respect everything you're doing, your career, but specifically with your children, you deciding to not really show them and keep that part of their life private. I mean, I really respect it. How did you decide to take that approach and protect your children by keeping them off social media?
Well, thank you, because a lot of people don't understand it, but if you go back to when I first joined Instagram, Camden, my oldest is on there when he was a baby, a little bit. Okay. And then we just decided that we wanted to give them the opportunity to make that decision. You know, my kids may want no part of being known or whatever, and I want to respect that and give them that chance to decide when they're old enough.
Yeah, I feel like that's like a huge debate on social media because so many people with social media are posting even like they're infants. Yeah. And then there's the debate of like, we, that's kind of fucked up because they don't have a say and now their whole life is going to be documented and they're going to get to high school and people are like, I have all these insurance photos of you, but I think it's a really good decision and I definitely want to do that when I have children. When do you think they'll get on social media?
I hope not until they're like 20. They're never going to be. 16, I'd say. It's probably realistic and long enough where hopefully they have decently thick skin and can handle some criticism because ultimately like that's my biggest concern with it is just how nasty people can be on social media.
So yeah, and when it's your kids, it's like, I want to do everything to protect them. There was no social media when you were growing up, but I'm curious, did you have aspirations at all to be on television? I did and it wasn't really until high school, but before MTV came, I wanted to study Broadcaster Analyism and kind of work my way in the entertainment world through hosting, but then MTV came and everything just kind of fell in my lap and I thought, you know, when I graduated high school, I moved up to LA. I started at Loyola Marymont.
I literally went to one class, like literally one class. And then I booked a job on UPN, which you guys probably don't even remember that network, but it was a network back in the day. I was hosting a show. And so my excuse was, well, I'm traveling around the country.
I obviously can't go to college. And not that I want to like promote not going to college, but it's the best thing I ever could have done. College would have done nothing for me. Right.
Because you already kind of had a career set in stone because you started in high school, which is like not normal, especially for like television. You're in high school. Now we got to go through it. Okay.
And MTV picks you to be on their new show. What did your parents say when you asked them if you could be on the show? Well, so I was living with my dad, only going to be my mom was in a suburb of Chicago. My mom definitely had reservations because of the time.
MTV was a little scandalous at the time. You know, that was right after the Janet Jackson boob thing happened at the Super Bowl and they didn't have the best rep. And so she was a little worried, but my dad was all for it because I lived with my dad. I'm pretty sure I only had to have my dad's enough on it.
Like mom, I'm not even doing it. Dad. Why do you think your dad was okay with it? I think he saw the opportunity, you know, I mean, he just did.
And well, also none of us knew what the show was going to turn into. You know, my dad probably at the time was like, Oh, cute, a little home movie. No problem. Have fun.
Like it was like a school project. I just happened to be from MTV. And it's crazy because reality TV really like no one had gotten famous from that yet. Yeah.
So it was kind of like an undiscovered concept. So I can kind of understand why parents would be like, sure. Yeah, it wasn't like it is today. No one knew, you know, I mean, totally.
Obviously there was the real world at the time. I think the simple life had already happened and maybe the Ozborn show, but other than that, there was there was nothing in really. So yeah, we this was unchartered territory. We had no idea.
I'm trying to picture myself in high school, getting cast on a show. I would have failed out. I would have dropped out. Dude, I've been out.
What a fucking question. I would have been like, I'm obsessed. I get to go party with boys. Like how the fuck?
That was me. Okay. I was wondering, like, did it fully take over your life? I mean, yeah, well, yes and no, yes, in the sense that, yes, I mean, that was like what everyone I'm going to be talking about.
We filmed every weekend for like nine months or something, but because we were still in high school, I mean, I was actually going to class still. And so during the weeks, you know, my life was normal. I was going to school doing whatever I was doing. And then we would film, I think sometimes Thursdays, but mostly Friday, Saturday, Sunday when you came out, did people that were in your school that weren't on the show treat you guys like, no, okay, friend, what happened was the first season ever rebutty auditioned, right?
Everyone did. Well, and then when those people didn't get it, fuck MTV block that whole thing. And then those people were on season two and I was like, Oh, really? Right.
Fuck MTV, huh? That pissed me off, but I mean, it's understandable. And then when it aired, the first season aired, I was a senior in high school, talent and I were everyone else graduated when I was on a school. That was the one time the freshman coming in looked at me a little differently.
And I was like, okay, this is weird. You talked about the fact that your relationship with your dad was hard to heal in therapy. When you were growing up, what was that core issue between the two of you? Well, my dad wasn't around a lot, to be honest.
We were living in Connecticut before my parents got divorced and my dad had moved to Colorado. I think I saw him maybe like once a month, like for a while. And then in Colorado, so my parents got divorced and my dad shortly thereafter moved to Laguna Beach and I was still in Colorado. Then my mom got married and I moved to Chicago.
And then my freshman year of high school is when I moved to Laguna, moved in with my dad, my stepmom who was 20 years younger than my dad and my brother at the time, who had also been broken up with. He moved to Laguna when I moved to Chicago. And honestly, my dad and I were just never close. And I just remember in high school, I never wanted to be home.
Like, I just never wanted to be around that environment. So that's why I fell into like friendships a lot and going out. I was kind of the party girl and I was just, you know, that's where I found connections. Did you want to move to Laguna?
I sort of had to because I was getting in so much trouble in Chicago. And I had a major issue with my stepbrother and like all the pieces just fell into place for me to move. My mom wanted to ship me off to boarding school and my dad said, let me give it a go. Let me see if I can control this wild beast.
So I moved to Laguna my freshman year of high school and honestly the best thing that's ever happened to me. What were you confident about in high school and what were you insecure about? Well, it's funny because I'm only going to be each other. I was a super confident kid.
And now that I've had to go back and watch the episodes for my podcast, I don't see a confident girl at all. I see actually someone who's incredibly insecure. You know, that saying confidence is quiet and security is loud. Oh, I was that, you know, I was overcompensating for my insane amount of insecurity.
And so I think most kids are a mess. You know, most high school kids, you don't know how the fuck you are at 17 years old. But I think really probably because I didn't have a family member in my life that was really close to my mom now is my best friend. But at the time, we were not close, wasn't living with her.
You know, I never want to be home. So I think that was probably a large part of it for me. That is really interesting because I think like watching it back sometimes when you're in your head about whatever your insecurity is for you, you're like, I kind of like I'm alone out here doing my fucking thing. You kind of just have to fake it until you make it.
Was there anything when you were social with your peers that you were insecure about? No, I mean, that's really where I kind of found my identity, I think. And so I moved around a lot growing up. And I think because I was always a new girl, I was a survivor.
Like you could throw me in any situation and I was going to figure it out and you had to navigate through situations. That's maybe where like the confidence came from because I wasn't someone who's going to like, you know, call on the corner and suffer. I was like, boom, here I am. Let's go.
But I was faking it though. That makes so much sense. I can completely relate to that where you're like, I'm about to walk in this room and I have two options. So sometimes being like the loud one, it just gets you in the door and it immediately if you exude confidence, eventually you're going to fucking beat.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah. If you had to guess, who would you be now if the MTV cameras never showed up to your high school? Oh my god.
I love that question. I mean, I think, um, wow, I was never only going to be each. I probably would have gone to school and, you know, did broadcast study broadcast or unless hopefully it would have worked my way and still. I don't know.
I feel like in a lot of ways, I probably wouldn't be as far along on my journey as I am today because ultimately being on TV at such a young age and going through everything I've gone through over the years has really forced me to grow up a lot. I think the older we get, we realize life is building blocks and everything starts to make sense. And so I feel like just everything that I've been through, I feel like this was supposed to be my journey. So I can't, it's hard to sit here and be like, well, if not, because I just like, I was destined for this.
I think a lot of people are fascinated because like you said high school is hard enough. Like high school is such an awkward time. You're trying to figure out who the fuck you are. You're dealing with pure dynamics, family dynamics.
How did it feel? And I think this is where we all are so fascinated with it because it's really not natural to have grown ups with cameras in your face. Like your scenes are always like you chilling in bed with Alex in the morning, like discussing what happened the night before. But it's like, how did it feel having these grown ups come into your life stir up drama and kind of like manipulate these storylines to get a good show going when you're in high school?
Yeah, it's a weird dynamic when you really explain it like that. I mean, my whole life I had trust issues, but then really when you're 17, 18, and you have adults taking advantage of you and manipulating situations and in a lot of ways to straight up lying to your face. I mean, that's, that'll rock your boat for sure. Trust is like my biggest issue with people.
And so that obviously didn't help that situation. And now that I'm older and I've been on the other side of reality shows, like, very cavalery, I was an executive producer, which was the best thing for me to end my reality TV career with that experience because it left a really good taste in my mouth. But it was also really eye-opening to be involved in those conversations. I'm like, Oh, these are the storylines we're getting.
And no matter what you do, they're going to get the storyline they want. So I understand from a producer's perspective now that I'm an adult, why they do the things they do, they have a job to do. I get all of that. I just think it's a tricky thing when you're dealing with children.
I mean, we were kids. You know, that's where it's like, it's tough. It's really tough because in one part, it became one of the biggest shows. And then on the other end, it's like, yo, you're in high school, that's your life.
When you say they would lie to your face, can you give an example of something you remember? Well, so I look at Laguna Beach on the Hill's as two very different experiences. Laguna Beach was more just no one really ever told us what was going on or like what they were trying to do, you know? No one prepared us for what was coming.
I just remember one producer in particular before it aired saying, well, you know, you can definitely tell that you're not from Laguna Beach. And I was like, Oh, okay. Like, what does that mean? And then I came out and I was like, Oh, you mean because I was gonna fucking hate me.
This is so not who I am. You know, but like, I don't know, a bigger heads up would have been nice. How much you guys fucked with me, that kind of stuff. When you say Fox with you, are you saying like they really leaned in to try to make you that villain role?
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And that's why I really love doing the Back to the Beach podcast with Stephen because we literally go through scene by scene and break it down. And it's been therapeutic for me.
It's been eye opening. It's been really fun also just to break it all down because I'm not emotionally invested in it anymore. At the time, I remember Stephen being like, that's not how it went down. But I couldn't hear him or believe him because I was so upset about it.
And so yeah, being able to go back and watch it and just get to the bottom of it, I loved every second of it. When you realize like, wait, I look like the villain in this. What the fuck did that do you mentally? I was pretty wrecked for a while.
I was so upset. I was really upset when I saw the first episode. It was hard. It was you and Lauren Conrad, essentially the first premise was like, you guys fighting over a guy.
Yeah. Did you and Lauren, was it really only over Stephen or were you two just two personalities that probably would have always but heads regardless of if a guy was involved? Well, we were never friends, but we never fought or anything, you know, and so MTV coming definitely made it a way bigger thing than it ever was. And Lauren and Stephen did have something, but it was before MTV came and then of course MTV caught wind of that.
That was like the only thing they focused on. And in a lot of ways, try to keep it alive. And that was where I felt really threatened. And so I put up walls.
I knew how to do at age 17. Totally. And so yeah, it goes back to that thing where I was a survivor. And so I felt like, you know, threatened and people were like coming after something that was mine, AKA my boyfriend or whatever it was.
I was gonna get scrappy. I mean, that's just what I knew how to do. I have had many of your now cast mates on and being on the goon to beach and the hills and getting to like directly interact with Adam Develo. What was your experience with him?
I mean, it was it was never great. I had my issues with Adam without a doubt. And again, I mean, I kind of said earlier, but I understand now as an adult why he did the things he did. It's not that I agree with them, but I mean, he had a job to do.
I think my biggest issue with what Adam did was he would create these storylines on the show that were bullshit, but then he would go and feed them to the tabloids. So not only are you living this shit on the show, but then I'm having to answer questions and the tabloids and people are painting this picture of me, which isn't true at all. And again, I get it because the tabloids fueled the show. And you know, at the end of the day, it's all fine.
It's all worked out, but I had my issues with Adam for sure. I don't think he's a good person, but I think he's a great producer. I'm actually kind of upset though because Steven and I were supposed to have him on our podcast and he had us going around and around and around. And then two days before we were supposed to film, he pulled out and it's just shitty because A, you could have told us up front and B, he totally opened up my career, right?
Started my career, but we also started his career. Like without the cast of season one of the Gonna Beach, Adam wouldn't be what he is either. So I just felt like, why can't you come on? It's a mutual respect thing.
Answer some questions about how the show was created and we'll call it a day. You kind of made him, because yeah, he had the format, but if you guys didn't show the fuck up and do your iconic scenes, like there was not going to be a huge media, mobile moment for MTV in that category. So it's like Spencer did talk about what happened with Heidi. Did you know about that and do you know?
No, because that was before I had come on the show. My issue with him was a bribing situation and him creating the storyline that I was doing drugs and was out of control. A party in my ass off in my early 20s. I had a really good time.
I don't or good anything. I was never out of control. It was never cause for concern. I was never not showering, which is like what us weekly had said, that I needed to go to rehab and all this shit.
And so that wasn't cool. I remember that. Yeah, he bribed the girls to call me out on camera for doing drugs with a purse. So, but and that was difficult.
And Adam, I got a huge fight about it. And because what I was doing then, because then he fueled it to us weekly, I would be on camera filming and I'd be like, I know it was Adam, like when I'm just running my mouth, and Adam called me, he was like, you have to stop saying that. I was like, but you did. That's also fucked and I think that's fair for you guys.
You're not discrediting the show. Even you sit here and you're saying, great producer. He knows what the fuck he's doing. But I do think it's fair to clear your name because I was going to ask you that about like, there was that huge stint I remember with the Hills where it was like, she's on drugs.
She spun out and they like, got you and you like just woke up and they were like, the girls were like trying to have an intervention. I was like, it's Kristen really on drugs. And that that's what you do because your kids are going to watch that one day. Like, and so I think it's fair for you to be able to at least clear your fucking name with you.
Yeah, I party party. Like, I'm not going to sit here and say I never did. I had a lot of fun. I'm glad that I did.
I got everything out of my system. But it was never, I never needed rehab. No one in my life was concerned about me. Like, it was totally under control.
I love that. If you can be a party or that's under control. But yeah, and I, yeah. So, and I just hope that Lowe learned you always have to get that shit in writing, you know, because she never got her purse.
She didn't know. Stop. What kind of purse was it? I want to say it was a Birkin.
Shut the fuck up. Yeah, but you got to get that shit in writing. Absolutely. I would have been like, give it to me first and then I'll show up.
Damn, no Birkin for Lowe. Sorry, girl. And no rehab for Kristen. But it was worth it.
When you look back, young Kristen is like in that moment, cameras around, what were the perks of having the show in your life and then what was like the most negative part that you look back on now with perspective? I mean, the perks were, it was fun. I would get phone calls being in, you know, whatever class during senior year and MTV, like, Hey, can you fly to New York tonight to be on TRL? I'm like, yes, absolutely.
Like, that stuff is fun. You know, I mean, so there was a lot of cool things going to the MTV VMAs and all that stuff was really fun. I mean, I was still in high school. So it's not like I was getting great dinner reservations and stuff.
You know, but when I graduated, I just want to move up to LA. Yeah, like, I never waited in a line at a club or a restaurant. Like that was, it was fun. It was very, very fun.
And then the biggest downfall, I'd say and, well, I guess, okay, more so back in the day was the tabloid world, that aspect of it. Now, I'm not so much in the tabloids. Like, I was back in the day, but what I don't like now is every time I feel like I do an interview, like what they take, those like nothing and turn it into headlines for clickbait. And that shit really pisses me off still.
Like, I just did another podcast and we were talking about dating and I guess we were talking about Instagram. And I said that I only noticed the verify ones because they go to the top. I'm not like, we were like joking around. So now all these fucking articles are like, Kristen's using Instagram as a dating app.
And it's like, no, I'm not. That's not I was saying. Right. No, I do.
I totally get that like the spinning of the words and it almost makes you like not want to do shame. It's not a talk. Yeah. Which I think you do love to talk, though.
I know. But I feel like in the last few years, I don't talk as much because I, I'm not people probably don't know this about me. They probably think I love all the attention. I actually don't unless it's for something positive, like my company, like I'm coming James or something.
I'm like, all right, that's great. But I really, I don't care about being in the press or the tabloids. I really don't. Is MTV paying for everyone's therapy?
They should be. But no, they didn't offer. No. And actually, Steven told me on our podcast that they gave him a speech coach and I'm like, really?
Because I probably needed one out of everybody and they didn't offer me that. They offered him. We back when he was in the bus. Yeah.
Did he need a speech? I didn't think so. I did. Like that would have gone against the character they wanted me to be.
Right. Like rough around the edges. Like wild Kristen. How do you think having your first relationship, like serious first love and relationship air on TV impacted your future relationships?
Oh, um, I don't think my relationship being on camera affected my future relationships. I think just being in the press then affected my future relationships. And again, it goes back to that whole trust thing. Unfortunately, I've had to be careful with guys that I did because a lot of guys were what I have found is a few different things.
They get a little taste of fame and they lose their mind. They become addicted to it almost. Or it's really threatening for a lot of guys. So then they want they get really jealous and insecure about it.
So that's been really tricky for me. Wait, when you say they get addicted, like how can you immediately tell like, Oh, fuck, he's turned? It takes me a second. Um, you can just tell like what I can't fucking stand is when a guy will plant bread crumbs, you know, on Instagram, like I did a guy, I did a guy who would come to Nashville and he would like tag the location and I'm like, why?
You've never tagged a location in your life. Right. Now you're now that shit. I can't stand it.
So purposeful. Like he's looking to kind of be like, I hope this gets picked up by someone and I hope there's an article like, are they seeing each other? Like, I don't even know you that while we're trying to get to know each other. Like before we actually start dating, like chill the fuck out or what I've noticed.
If it's not about the guy, the attention, they do not like that. So then they're like, Oh, you know, like, like it's not about you. Uh huh. So you married someone that was famous and was in the public eye.
How did you meet Jay Cutler? So I, um, well, I got a call from my publicist in 2009 when I was still filming the Hills and he said Jay Cutler wants to fly to Chicago and take you on a date and I had no idea who he was. Um, and I just wasn't interested quite honestly. So I said, no, I obviously told my mom about it though because a year later I was visiting my mom who lives in a suburb of Chicago and we were going to a Bears preseason game with my cousin for actually my friend, Matt Lineart, who was playing on the opposing team.
And my mom said, you know, didn't Jay Cutler ask you out? And I was like, Oh, yeah, I totally forgot about that. My cousin, who was like the biggest Bears fan told me what an idiot I am. So long story short, I got his family passes to me in a match with the game thinking I would never talk to Jay ever again.
You know, but my cousin would be like over the moon about it. And he walked in and he was a lot cuter in person. And we hung out two nights later and then honestly, we just moved so fast. I mean, we got engaged after eight months and it just moved.
What initially attracted you to him? So at the time, I remember my life felt very claustrophobic living in LA. I couldn't leave my house without a million paparazzi every day and I just was over it. Um, every guy in LA, I felt like was a little bitch to be completely honest.
And I wanted someone who could like be the alpha because I felt like everything in my life, I was always the office. I want to be in the passenger seat for once. Jay checked all those boxes and, um, and honestly, we just had chemistry. Like you can't pick and choose who you like, like, you know what I'm saying?
And so we just had that spark. And, uh, and yeah, so with where I was at the time in my life, it was, he was perfect for me. I want to discuss dating an athlete and marrying an athlete because I've dated, I was going to say a few, I've dated a lot of athletes. Okay.
Everyone knows I've dated a lot of athletes had serious relationships, planes, whatever. And they're an interesting breed. Yeah. Was Jay your first professional athlete that you dated?
No. I have a few under my belt as well. I already knew kind of the game. You know, it helps if you have them on your belt because you kind of know that world.
So well, you're like, the whole playbook ready to go. Like musicians fucking insane. I won't go near another one, but athletes, I could do that world. Oh, they're all the fucking decision in my sleeve.
Absolutely. What were some of the perks of dating a pro athlete in your mind? Well, in Chicago, I mean, he was a huge deal, you know, and so it was like, instead of me always having to get a dinner reservation, like Jake had fucking do it. Like dumb shit like that though, but it mattered at the time.
Life was just, it was easy and fun with him. Totally. You know, did you fit in with the other players' wives? Yeah, I did.
You did. See, I did as well because they would want me to go to a luncheon or like a lot of that shit, which I wasn't a fan of. I couldn't do. No, but like, yeah, we all got a lot.
Yeah. Maybe you weren't like out all the luncheons. I don't think I went to a bear's luncheon until my last season there. I was like, all right.
Ladies, I got to go to work. And they'd be like, but we have a luncheon at noon on Wednesday. Like, sorry. Sorry.
No, but they are sweet. They are. What I found was most of them had been together since they were like 18. So many of them.
Yeah. And I guess I get it. And I think that's where maybe it was cool because you had a different dynamic. We're like, a lot of them try to stay with the people that knew them before they got big.
And you and Jay had a different dynamic because you both were big in your own right. So there could kind of be this just mutual, like we both have our own things going on. That makes sense. What were some of the hardest aspects of being married to someone whose job is to play football?
Well, I mean, I love someone who has their own shit going on. So that was great. But I think the hardest part was watching him get the shit beat out of him week after week. You know, football's a really tough sport.
And so that was difficult, especially after we had kids too, you know, then things just become even more serious. But other than that, loved the schedule, loved him traveling, loved me. Please go do you, you know? Yeah, I also feel like football is like one of the better schedules.
It's not bad at all. Baseball, it's like all seen ever. Oh, that's why they have girlfriends in every city. Every single city.
They would always call it like road beef. And I was like, excuse me, why are you saying this in front of me? And my boyfriend's friends were like, a road beef in like Minnesota. I dated a baseball player who actually sent flowers to me and one of my friends on Valentine's Day.
I mean, this is so long ago, but yeah, I was like, oh, like they have no joke. No shame. No shame. They're like, what?
No, literally, and totally told me that a girlfriend out of San Francisco. Like, I mean, oh, yeah, I was like, oh, okay, well, hey, there's something about the honesty. Wait, they're like, but like, she's my girlfriend in that city. You're like, you're here.
Why? Why not? Did you ever worry about Jay's behavior on the road when he was gone? I didn't.
And that's why football is actually a good sport because they're gone for one night. They have curfew the night before it's the night before a game as soon as the game's over, they get right on a plane and come home. There's no room. There's no room for the game.
I mean, they do and they have and they will continue to. But at the time, I didn't have any reason to suspect. How did the dynamic of your marriage change once Jay retired? I mean, it actually kind of didn't.
And we started very cavalery right away. And so it kind of, it didn't. He was just around a lot more. Okay, so you guys are going to spend more time a lot more time.
Yeah. Initially, when you got engaged, you postponed the wedding. You said one of the reasons was you didn't want to be a stay at home wife. What made you think that you would have to be staying at home if you got married?
I mean, it was so much bigger than that, though. I think I probably said that at the time to like, say something and move on. But basically, I ended the, or I called off the engagement the same reason. I got it worse.
Same reason, I should say. And so I guess if there's any takeaway from that is you can't ignore red flags, people don't change. And you got to trust your gut. I was 23 when I met Jay, you know, I was a baby and at the time of my life, getting married and having kids was the next natural step I got and everything out of my system.
And I don't regret anything at all. And I really am thankful for our time together. But yeah, I just think, you know, now I'm so different dating, I see shit a mile away. And now it's like, no, I'm actually not going to put up with that.
Because you know what it is now for me, it's a huge turn off instead of being like, oh, well, you know, maybe he'll change me, we could fix him. No, no, no, goodbye. I don't have time for that anymore. You say it wasn't because of loss of love that you guys got divorced, but because you couldn't be in a toxic relationship anymore, what was toxic about it?
So here's my only thing, because I have three kids with him, I'm very careful about what I say. If you and I didn't have microphones in front of us, I'd fucking tell you. But you know, that's their dad and my oldest Google's now. And I just want to be very careful.
My mom never said anything bad about my dad growing up. And I really respected that. And I want to be that kind of mom. And even if I don't say anything, the headlines will say I'd fucking trash them somehow.
So I just, you know, it was toxic. I think period end of story, that's all I kind of need to say. When did your family and friends realize? Forever?
They did. Okay. Because I know sometimes you can like try to hide it because I actually, yeah, okay, I kind of hit it from some of my friends. My mom knew every step of the way and my best friend Stephanie, who's in Chicago.
But like Justin, my best friend, he didn't realize it until he moved to Nashville. And then he saw it firsthand. When you get to a place where you are trying to hide stuff from your friends or your family, that's also a red flag for yourself. Like, why aren't you telling your friends?
It's so true. And then it's like to get out. And then it's almost harder once that you're so deep in it by yourself that then to try to loan rangers. Yeah.
And then like, how do I even tell my friends? Because I've been faking this for so long. But you're saying you're family news. You weren't fully alone.
Yeah, my mom knew my mom knew. And you know, because my mom went through some similar stuff with my dad, she was actually the perfect person for me to have. She understood what I was going through. And so that that was good.
I also think it's really important if you do have issues with your, your dad for girls, you know, obviously for girls, especially to work through that shit before you get married, because otherwise we end up with our dad. When you think you have any fucking issues with just even like your family, your parent, that shit, if you don't work on that, you're about to turn right around and do the same fucking shit. And so it can be a little bit of like a daunting process, but you have to work through it or you're going to marry your father. Exactly.
When you are breaking up with someone, it fucking sucks. Yeah, no matter what side you're on. No matter what side. And what is worse, especially with social media is like, it's hard to see someone move on.
Yeah. How did it make you feel or doesn't make you feel like if you still see or when if he's like out with other people like, I hope it finds someone. Yeah, I really do. I mean, I want him happy.
My kids benefit from that. You know, so I hope that he gets remarried. And I mean, I really do obviously the first time I heard about it, it's done a little bit anybody, you know, but totally. And I'm friends with almost all of my exes.
And I, I, I think that that's a good thing. Like I really value the time I've had with everybody I've learned from every relationship I've had. And I really want all of my exes to be happy and be in a great relationship for young women listening. It's fucking hard to end something that especially I'm sure when you have children, like you've deep ties with someone.
There is love there because what you've created the world you've created with this person. But when you know something's not right for you, how did you like mentally work through ending it officially? Because that? Yeah, it's really scary.
I mean, it took me a few years to actually pull the trigger to be honest. For you, was it just time or were you finally like, okay, something happened like now I'm going to do it? No, it was more just time. It was like nothing major happens at the end, you know, it was just time.
And I remember always asking my mom like, well, how am I going to know? And she would be like, you'll just know. And I did. I just kind of knew.
And you know, it's the scariest thing. It's also the saddest thing. I mean, it's so many emotions, but it can also be the best thing, you know? And so I really don't think anything good comes easy, really like with anything in life.
And so, but also you don't want to like just make an impulsive decision either. And I think that's why it's important to write it out. I've also seen couples that have worked through shit and come out on the other side, you know? So I mean, I think with any relationship, you just have to realize what are deal breakers for you, what's important to you, and what's not.
And I was really unhappy. I mean, and that was the bottom line. And I was in an unhealthy relationship. And so that to me is not worth it.
Also, I didn't want my kids thinking that was normal. And you know, I wanted them to see me happy and see me eventually, not right now, but eventually see me with someone who really respects me and treats me the way I need to be treated. Okay, you are now recording a Laguna Beach rewatch podcast with your ex-boyfriend in high school. I don't know if I could ever fucking sit down and make some like, let's, I'll just like, you have to rewatch it.
It's like, holy fuck. Do you see yourself ever holding up with Steven again? No, I went to dinner with him almost two years ago and we kissed, which was fun. I mean, we had a couple drinks and yeah, we were just fun, you know?
Right. And then I was actually dating someone at the time, you know, I'm just making up for a lost time. And so I think that was kind of what the issue was, was that I was dating someone else. And it just kind of just didn't turn into anything.
Do you feel like you guys are like, because you know, everyone's like your first love, like, do you think there's any way you explored again? No, I really, once I'm done with someone, I'm done. It's like a light switch flips and I can't go back. Are you guys having that moment?
I actually feel like this is something I would think about in high school. It's like, are you guys having any of those moments where together you kind of regress back to the high school version yourself together? Because you do you even know adult versions of each other? Well, we've kept in touch and you would hang out a little bit before I got married and stuff.
But, and I think had we not gone to dinner almost two years ago, I don't know that the podcast would, I don't know that we would have, well, I'm sure we would have had the same chemistry, but it put me at ease because I was like, I know that we still can, you know, banter back and forth, have fun together. So that was a good thing. You need to take us through the last date you went on. Okay, where did you go?
Did you like the person? Kristen, give us the D. This is a good story, actually. Okay.
Hell, I love you. Here we go. So I hate actors, you know. I've always known that like in my early 20s, I went out with a few and I was like, they're the worst, but an actor asked me out.
I was like, all right, this was in LA. This was probably like two months ago and went to Laurel Hardware and I think he doesn't hear this. It's fine. I'm going on dates there too.
Let's just pretend it was me there, but you there. Who was it? We don't know if you go like Laurel Hardware. That's a good place for drinks.
So he was slamming drinks, like slamming drinks. And then at one point he was telling me he does his own stunts. We were sitting at the bar. Okay, it's fucking packed.
He gets up to reenact a stunt that he had done. Absolutely runs into the waiter and he's like, oh, I'm so sorry. I was like, please, the fuck down. I can't just creating all this commotion in the middle of Laurel Hardware.
I am so turned off. You tried to do a stunt, reenacting a stunt in the middle of a packed restaurant. I was like, please sit down. Also like just drawing so much attention.
Also, why are you doing a stunt in Laurel Hardware? Anyone that's not from LA that is a packed bar. It's not a hardware store. It's very much.
It was awesome. Then did you talk to him afterwards? He's texted me a couple of times and I can't be I can't just like go someone, but I get them like a one word response. I don't even know.
I'm in a serious relationship. Okay, so you're just kind of like, I got that. Wait, why do you think you can't go someone? I'm too fucking nice, which people would not know about me.
I'm too nice. Really? Yeah. I wouldn't want to be ghosted, either.
I would actually appreciate someone just being like, hey, you know what, you're great, but like didn't feel like chemistry. Totally. Which I said that to another guy. I was like, hey, I didn't feel like chemistry.
And his friends were making fun of me for weeks about it. I'm like, I actually thought I was being like mature, not wasting anyone's time. I love that. What can they say to exactly?
He deleted my number and told all of his friends and everyone was making fun of me. I'm like, okay, well, that's thank you for validating. Why the fuck? I don't like you.
And like, I'm an adult, and like, sorry, you can take the fucking truth. I'm trying not to waste anyone's time. Like, totally. If you are not having a good time on a date, because I feel like this is me and I'm wondering if it would be you.
They won't know that I'm not having a good time. I know. I'm going to like, people please it up. I'd be like laughing.
And then he's going to think we're leaving the best time and I'm not going to talk to him. Can, are you, do you give signs on a date if you're not into it? I know, because that same thing, like all fucking show up to the party, you know, but what I've been doing is I won't go on dinner dates. I will get a drink that usually turned into dinner because again, I'm too fucking nice.
But like, this guy who was acting out with guns got dinner with it. I'm like, what am I doing? Let's get the ravioli dude. Dude, I got to go.
So because I know because I need to come up with a better game plan. I'm like, oh, I have an early morning. You know, right. Actually, this is another funny story.
I almost want to say who I was with. In my early 20s. Okay. You have to on color daddy.
Come on. All right. I'll say it. Don't say it.
I think you're right. I'm always going to say it. I'll tell you the story. So I went on a date with a guy who's my early 20s.
I'm kind of my party in career, right? Okay. He was vegan and he was sober. And I was like, um, one or the other, right?
I was like, be both. So I was like, I have an early morning. Sorry. Went back to the house, made out with him on his bed.
I was like, I have a really early morning tomorrow. Got to change in my car, went to hide. I'm such a dumb ass. Of course, there's paparazzi.
The next day he was like, my friend saw you at hide. I was like, Oh, really? I was so crazy. I was on my way home and I got an email at the event in the morning with kids.
So I thought you were asleep. I'm going to go hide. I felt so bad. I felt so bad.
And he's really cute. But like at the time in my life, I'm eating me and I'm drinking a lot of alcohol. Oh, I can't do this. I actually respect the honesty though, because I have done something similar where like, if they're just not on your wavelength, and especially when you're in your early 20s, you're like, I am going to every club.
I want to be known at that club. My job is to go out right now. I don't really understand that. And so it's like, even if they're a great guy, maybe if you met him later on, I've seen him not going to go, but like great guy, you know, like, you're more interested in getting fucked up at high.
I want to go to hide, man. Okay. Okay. Solosh.
Can you tell us who is the most famous person you've denied? Denied? Oh, God. Um, what about initial?
Your public is having a panic attack. What are you going to tell us? The profession. Um, I didn't deny a lot of people back in the day, to be honest.
Do you just remember the famous? I'm staying on the date with the guy doing the stunt. I had dinner with him. All right.
No one's getting denied. Okay. How about this? You see someone on Instagram, you find attractive.
Okay. How do you vet these people to see if they're worthy of you DMing them and pursuing them? I won't DM. You don't?
I won't make the first move on. Why? Um, okay. So where I'm at currently in my life, I want to be pursued.
I want to be fucking courted. I want the man to put in some fucking effort. And I think because guys now, so again, I was married. I was with Jay for 10 years.
This is my first time dating in the social media world. Like, oh, it's a fucking shit show out there. I hate every second of it. But guys are laziest fuck now.
And they're always looking for the next best thing. So it's like, no, I'm sorry, I don't know if you're a little bullshit anymore. Like let me see how serious you are and put an effort. So no, I'm not making the first move.
I've said ladies, if you want something slide the fucking butt where you're at in your life also kind of dictates what you're going to do. So for you, I totally hear you were like, I'm not I'm going to sit on my couch, drink my tea and wait for the men to come in. And if they're not fucking side, I don't give a fuck. Okay, I think that's the one thing I did do was I went to a show and I posted a story of this musician who I did end up dating.
So he saw it DM's me. So like that in a roundabout way is the kind of like, but like, you know, pretty natural. Yeah, I like that. That's a good way to do it.
Yeah. If you were going though to slide into someone's game, let's pretend like something hits you on a Sunday night. The kids are gone. You're bored.
You're like, maybe I'll give it a try. What is what is gonna be fucking hot? I mean, what are you gonna slide in with? What do I pick up like?
What would you say? Hey, I'm so lazy with it. Hi, period. Okay, this is a fun game.
I'll talk about what I say. It really depends on the guy, the situation where he lives. Like if he lives in Nashville, like it would be different than if he lived in LA, right? Totally.
I don't know. Like shit, I don't know. Because like Nashville, you could be like something about like, like, do you go to like something about like location? Yeah, or like, hey, like, are you in Nashville?
Like something like that? Yeah, if they're in a different state, yeah, then it's like, LA, I come out here quite a bit. So I feel like I'm gonna be in LA and blah blah blah. Yeah, yeah.
I do have a game. Like, I know, we know. We watched it. I still got it.
You didn't even know that. I do know that. I think that's the best part. I remember watching on the Hills when you came back and you with Brody, he was like drooling.