Kurt Metzger’s Claw Knowledge

Oh, no way, everybody, it's Jason Ellis. I'm going on tour. I'm doing a comedy tour. Who wants to see me tell jokes?

Hey, Tulsa and Appleton Wisconsin and Louisville. I don't even think I've been to Louisville, but I'm coming to Louisville and I'm gonna be in LA, but I'm doing jokes there too. Everybody go to thejason Ellis.com, check out the dates of when I'm coming to your town to tell jokes to your face. Come on, everybody has to go.

You better go, if you leave that, if I do jokes and nobody, and you go, oh man, I didn't know if you were gonna be in Tacoma. Well, wake up Tacoma, because I'm coming. All over you. Whoops.

It's a vigorous smoke machine too. Yeah. And I'm gonna get some VH while you're stealing it. You can blend it in.

Handled smoke? Is that a weed in it? No. Just don't blow it to him, he gets contact eye.

No, it's a nicotine. That's okay. Yeah, it doesn't matter. I'm thinking about doing that, but I'm not.

I'll point it. Like everybody who's sober is like on those things and I'm like, don't start Jason. Why? You forgot when did I say keep your weed?

Yeah, yeah. I do a zen every now and then, that's my. I'm afraid of them. Why?

Because they're withdrawals off of them. Oh, fuck off. If this withdrawals off them, then you must be eating a pack. What are you saying, Xanax?

No. Oh, Zen. Oh, what is that? Can I be complete with something?

I'm saying Xanax. I'm not a fan of Zennax. I'm not California. I'm actually looking for people saying, oh wait.

I'm in an argument with people about it. Because I say, don't put the word sober at the end of it. Just say you smoke pot. Like, go, don't try to join my gang.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Hey, close your eyes and tell me this isn't a dragon. I don't have to close my eyes.

It's a dragon. Without even closing my eyes. That is a dragon. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. And welcome to the show. Yeah.

Okay. I got a little excited with the smoke. I was trying to show off. Yeah.

I took a full bouquet of the game. Why would you point it at the guest? It's just off the side. But Conan, I'm blaming you.

It is a shotgun. But yes, fancy haircut. Hate new age people. I think I'm all with the opposite of a fancy haircut.

I just hate people that have haircuts. Me too, man. Yeah, right. Like, you know, the ultimate privilege.

What was your last one? Last one. Do you remember, like, going for a last haircut? Kind of knowing.

No, no. It was the pandemic I stopped caring about getting pills or a road game. Oh, I see. You use a road game?

I had that. Didn't work. Well, you have to use it forever. Did it work?

Did you have hair and then you quit road game and then you went bald? Very quickly. And I thought I was... Wait, it worked.

Okay. I'll tell you if you want to know. I'm not talking over you. I was asking a question.

Yeah. Don't act like I was talking over you. Let's see what you're trying to do straight off the bat. Like I'm being a...

I'm the host. I'm asking. This is going to be a cutting show, all right? So at the time I would take propasia, okay?

You're propasia? That's for balding too, right? It's for prostate to shrink prostate, but they discovered that it suppresses a certain kind of testosterone. I came up with what it's called.

It's not just a dasro. It's called Deech-Day. Yeah. So that grows prostate and kills hair follicles, so it suppresses that.

So propitio costs like a dollar a pill and they get a cool doctor. They go, just get this prostate medicine, get a pill cutter and just cut it in pieces and take a little bit. And you get, like, you quarter the price of pain for hair pills. Because insurance is in covering when I was getting it.

Yeah. So you do Rogaine foam. So both of them work together. That kind of is activating follicles.

Some people get a laser comb. I never did that. Now you get stem cells, finally. Yeah, but there's a lot of that.

I don't care. See how you talk about me. I'm sorry. But you're saying it works.

Yeah. But you think it's not working. It's too late for us though, right? Maybe.

It's a certain level of bald. It's too late for me to give you shit about it. Right, there's that. After a pandemic, I was like, I don't care.

I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, you got a good head. I understand the head shape thing, how important that is. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

I'm like, what is this? I'm like, oh, I'm like, oh, that guy can't, you see his ball guys and keep it long on the sides because they don't have good. Yeah. They can't lose that.

Hit. Some people have ugly heads with hair. I can see it. Yeah.

Well, let a movie star have giant four heads. Do you pick on Ray Wilson? Yeah, sure. He's one of them.

And I believe he said movie star. He's a movie star. Ray Wilson. Yeah.

Give us a super-aspirator movie, James Gump movie. Yeah. Early 2000s. No, like 2012 or 11.

And he was in the rocker. That was the big play. The rocker was, yeah. So I saw your special the Lewis your 30 minutes of your ass Yeah, and I told you before I was like why didn't you do an hour because I wanted more I'm doing our and then you told me that So now you kind of answered it, but just for everybody else.

He's got more So that's why I was 30 minutes because he's got another whole hour makes it super long attention spans and I Want to get that material and then not to do it like in a you know because it's an age rapidly Yeah, I guess so it must be nice to have a lot of options. Well, just what do you mean? I don't have that many jokes, but they're like me you could write them. Yeah, but I don't write as good as you You're a bit of a genius.

Well, I did it for 25 years. It's not like it's not like this is not an important job It is to me. Well, that's fine But I it's about I like but it's the lowest running showbiz you're saying like this is like you maybe could be above a pro wrestler Because your body's not getting destroyed, but uh, you're below magician a porn star. There's a porn star playing be I tried that I didn't work out.

Yeah, people go to this actually pretty hard. You can't really get canceled from doing stand up You can always do stand up. That's not really show business. Yeah T.J.

Miller told me that comedy is far more difficult than acting and he is an actor and a comedian Well, I haven't acted enough to feel with certain it gets bored with acting. Yeah, well because you're it's being able to write and also perform It's kind of yeah, yeah, right? This will have thought I first heard Ralph. You may say it is like you're directing a movie that you wrote that you're Starring in that's that's yeah, right?

Same difficult Doing all those things out of mail. Yeah, it's super stressed afterwards It's classic, you know, there's some Fdup edits in there where I'm like who the hell didn't catch that like a one point He's got the sword every said and he's running towards people and then he's got the sword back down here I'm like you didn't catch that you have cooked that way. Yeah. Well, they also like the historically they have like their kilts on Backwards they weren't even remotely close.

Yeah, and I heard don't matter it's a great movie back in the day They took mushrooms and painted their entire body blue and they would make it when they went to battle But I guess they couldn't do that but that would have been better. Oh also that guy didn't give everybody's wife on their wedding That's not a real thing premium knocked in really that up Well, no, it's not made up by them, but it was made up a long time ago by I can't remember who that wasn't a practice You really can't have a cohesive society if that's allowed like that You just can't you're not gonna want to have a thing like that. I think it's funny now is Scotland you see a prime minister Scotland is like a Yeah, Prime Minister. He's like a Muslim guy and he's like there's too many white people here in Scotland.

He said that yes And it reminded me of long chunks from from brave are you guys are problem with Scotland? It's too many scott? Yeah, right? But they voted for that shit.

So good look. How can you say that because in Europe? It's crazy now It's more crazy than here. In fact people have to copy our dumb shit harder than we have to do it That's how you could tell it NATO who's like what levels are actually I don't know what NATO is You know the thing you know Nash North Atlantic now.

That's all the Western countries that are all together against the Soviet Union Everybody that's like if you attack him you attack all of us against Russia that's NATO bully protectors Is the way that we would portray it and the way I would be inclined to portray it as well, right? Yeah, so frogs are gay huh, but they're her mafronites I think they're gay because of Kermit, but maybe you're just saying Kermit did seem gay because I would have definitely been more assertive with Miss Picky yeah, that big is a beard Wow. I got more in cell vibes off of him. What's in here?

Yeah, you haven't seen better though the guys who are just like I can't get laid because the world sucks not my fault Yeah, it did seem like that. It's not that hard to get laid. I mean, it's not you really don't you just got a little bit Yeah, a lot of people. I mean it's a bad run ins of late I'm single I've been using dating apps because I don't go out of me people and when I do I'm a I don't like talking to people I think my biggest fear sounds like if I went somewhere and I saw somebody cute I ain't going over there to say anything That's insane.

So I'm just gonna like be alone forever I thought if you wait, this is are you actually gay or you like buy? I was by but now I'm sober and I'm not I'm straight What really that's very interesting. Yeah, it's super interesting because I've already got the label So it goes I want to sleep with me because I've you know set the dick and stuff that used to be a way to get laid Not me girls not maybe if maybe I was in high school I mean I was a Christian I wouldn't like do nothing but all my friends would go the limelight and all that shit Yeah, you know be fake gay to get drunk, you know, get for drugs. Oh, yeah, okay Yeah, I mean it's not fair because they would do shit together and and oh my god girls really way into it Yeah, I'm not into it.

No offense to anybody. I like I love the gays. I just don't want to do it I'm like it's the place that I swear this really happened. I walked up to the door one time I was 16 years old bring nothing but boxer shorts and the door guy was like Is that true?

Yeah, and I just went and wandered around having nothing. I'd like drank all my 40 money. It's cool. Look though Are you from New York?

Yeah, wow it was really hot and as the night went on I was just like drunk and wandering the streets and I was like I don't need a shirt And I was like I don't even pants and then a club see and clubs like it's like these are the girls we want in the club a boy with Boxer One guy every now and then is a pretty good look. Yeah, did I just see what I think I saw like they were trying to do the Studio 54 the guy picture member Carson Kressley the main dude from where I that it wasn't him but that guy Yeah, and he's just like oh go go go. Yeah, I would think it's cool You skip the line. Yeah, just one guy will buy with box show to people I knew will go and like they put on like I want your shit Yeah, for sure line light is it's literally church That like got de sanctified and was just sitting there vacant at some point somebody decided okay club there So from my class in a senior year is getting Matt Frank He was he's on Donahue for the club kid episode the dude that killed the drug dealer Michael Alec Yeah, I'm done here.

Yeah. Yeah, he was oh yeah, and Matt was in the background and he got dying off Like he'd smoke crack and shot heroin to come down or something. It was like 90s I lived yeah, it was like heroin overdoses. Yeah, did you get into heroin?

No, no I mean later in life. I got out to cotton but not ever was that fun? I mean for a period obviously you've got bad period, but overall no right overall it blows It's not like being hooked on benzo's which could kill you but it's just fun. I never like them like that I like opiates though.

Yeah those 30s. Holy shit like You know if you get like Percocets where they put time on it because for one you got to have time on there It's America's that's number one. Oh D drug by the way. I think it's time you know a different time at all poison for your liver I I feel like you make your stomach bleed what I always take out I'm afraid I'm all but they put it and the part of the reason they put it in there is because if you abuse your Percocets You know, it's like almost like what alcohol the time on it you go deaf.

Remember I'm all in death Yeah, did you have a tail who wrestling bar a tail? Yeah, how it's there you say I say a tale I see a story to tell not like a little wiggly dog go around children Yeah, no, I think he was what I was being you know I see should I look it up I always assumed that it was one of those it was a baby He had like the little prehensile or whatever you call it three inch or that they chopped off How would say like it was a like so he had like an extra tailbone? Yeah, cuz there's people who are more and they have like little vestigial it's gonna cute tails and then they get chopped off And I assume that that's what he was talking about with the tail. Oh hell.

Yeah, yeah I mean not as long as it wasn't hairy Me a little tail feels like I would want a hairless tail girl Well, I'd be okay if it was only on the tail, but I got this weird feel just on the creep into the hole Right, but a hairless tail now we're sort of talking about a sexy rat woman, which is okay I got a hairless cat. I like his tail When you look up at rush Limbaugh has a tail Tony Hawk and Jason Ellis is one of the first thing that comes up I think that might be a self-created fact shut up McCone you idiot. It's got nothing to do with me and Tony Hawk I did it what about 10 little known rush Limbaugh facts. Yeah, you don't know how to throw them You might be surprised though.

You enjoy scented candles. Oh my god. If you have that written about you Yeah, why would who doesn't like this? Yeah, right like who's against sent?

Oh he lost his here So he's hearing I'm pretty sure that's from time on all poisoning from taking too much like perking a perfume He was on he was on oxycodone though has no time on it Oh, well, so when you get high you can keep you can when you're telling you to take more Yeah, and then you're gonna heroin or because it's very expensive. It's worse than the heroin But none of yours rich riches rich as rich as a rich limb by you can get all the oxycodone you want I think he was getting codone not cotton. I think because the deafness is talking all poison from opiate Every time someone try to give me time atville because I'm sore. I just prefer to go out You know like I'm like, oh man people like what's wrong?

I'm like I'm sore I don't want to take like a I want to get high, you know cuz I'm like a junkie. No, I'm like all the pain I don't really care about the pain if I get hurt. I just want to get high right, you know Like I'm like oh cool. That's not treating the pain.

Yeah, but it's more it's more like I would justify doing skateboard tricks Where I knew I was gonna get hurt cuz I was like if I don't make it I get hurt I'm gonna get so high I love it, you know wait. Do you think do other athletes do that? I don't think I think Tony opted to not do that, but I was I was like a mess I was a like a party athlete. Yeah, right?

I was I used to say I'm the best guy in the top 10 who's on drugs And I think that's what he would go. I disagree Boxer who smoked he would win and he would say right? It was hilarious like there's like an extra accolade. Yeah, yeah Golfer dudes are he smoked in front of he smoked in the other dude in Shane Mosley's face.

He said disrespectful stuff in Spanish. Yeah, like really He's just he smoked it the way in and the face off. Yeah, and at the end of his matches They put a cigarette in his mouth. It's like I can't even worse thing for singing or boxing.

Yeah, but if your cardio is off the chain And you smoke that's what yeah, that's not that bad. That's right. It's not great And so I remember when he first came out and I saw a smoking thing I was a boxing fan But the announcer goes he's his main claim to things. He's known for punching out a horse on top But that's pretty cool.

I mean that's pretty cool. It is pretty good. It's not cool But if it's if I'm fighting a guy that's known for knocking out a horse. I'm worried You know I feel like a horse has got a better job than me.

It's like I got the undonesore Yeah, I don't suppose to make a really knock out a camel. I don't know I in the economy destroyed by the camera He punched the camel people said that was like he improved that Pushing the animal is like that be funny if I knocked this camel out and he dropped him Damn it. Yeah, you can't just wait around it but you really bummed me out today because you're allowed to beat up a human being on This set before you can do it to an animal. Yeah, it was like Disney in the 80s.

You could punch a camel in the 80s Yeah, they found in Mexico. Right. Yeah. No, it's like we go to World War three.

It might be okay again pretty soon Yeah, I mean I got like cases of liquid death in the garage So if it if World War three does start I will live for like a month because you have enough water and I have guns The irony of it says liquid death on it right that's got to be in a trickier junky brain, right? To be like oh, this is like cuz it looks like a beer can yeah, which is cool because it's as close as I can get now It's like a but it adds a lot of ritual the rituals a lot too not just the buzz. It's actually good water, too Yeah, but it has a smart water and all those things are bad water. They are here Why because the water they put in there is like jank because it's like oh, yeah, it's like vitamin water is like coke right?

So it's the same filtered water. You said smart water. Yeah, it's smart water. Just water That's not good not but I'm saying I thought that the water before they add whatever to make it vitamin water is just It's not natural spring water from the mountains.

I mean water is the fruity shit. Yeah Yeah, the water part of it is 99% of it is the same filtered tap water that they put in Water that actually technically should belong to you by virtue of living here and somebody bought it a long time ago It's unbelievable. It's unbelievable. I don't even recommend it.

I don't know what I mean when I was a kid There was water you got it. Yeah, it's happened. It was totally okay. That's why I mainly stick to my let's get pumped fired up Kurt here you go.

We've got one of these no, where's it this stuff? This guy this stuff gets you fine magic mine. There's only one thing probably on earth that Joe Rogan and the Kardashians can agree on And it's this tasty little puppy right here It's not bad at all and it gets you it gets your brain working. That's pretty good.

Yeah, right? I don't mind that one bit me neither I can before the show especially if I'm Flustered because I do a lot of stuff sometimes I'm old and I don't sleep that one's on us Kurt We can get you a deal if you want more of those. Yeah, what am I hooking the deal? I like a lot right right?

It's just got those said it's like sweet. It's a hint of passion for that's exactly what I bought you get Well, we have a limited time offer you can use it gets you up to 48% off your first subscription or 20% off one time purchases with code Ellis at checkout you can claim that at magic mind calm slash Ellis magic mind Dot com slash Ellis find out my Forbes calls it silicon valleys new morning elixir My so my girlfriend is sober. She's a drink of ice. She likes it She gets to get it.

It's just to get it like it has to be like harsh. Yeah, probably like I get it I said a guy need like a thing that's different than just yeah, she broke me I make my own you gotta like farted extra this all right You farted you put you you fart pure nitrogen into water's a time Whatever it is that you make the seltzer at home You can put extra bubbles in when you do it yourself and it farts a lot when you put it in and then like oh You farted into water. I swear to god. I thought you Magic mind is not helping my mind Right, you're no better obviously it hasn't kicked in yet.

Give it a second. Okay It's gonna work any minute man. You're gonna realize that was a really stupid thing to say yeah, well now I just like a nice claw Yeah, I noticed you're digging a week into that two or three. Is that like something that helps you podcast?

Yeah, because I don't want to be like drunk and why clothes does just most pussy s is it? Yeah, but I like it's alcohol like I get a buzz from it. It's not like this one. I never liked alcohol.

Is it a beer? No, I don't think so. What is it? It's a wicker.

It's five percent. That's stronger than a beer Is it unless you're in Australia? That's a bud. It's a bud.

I call bud one time unless they change their percentages from the early 2000s like a bud lights like 4.2 abuds about 5. I think they're all Just vodka in a way. I think it's legally gets high-sized vodka at a certain level. I didn't alcohol.

Oh, yeah, but uh Anyway, then when I did coke this would be a good. It's like vodka so does that's what it because when I did like coke do I get fat Like real fat that's confusing. No, it's because I'm drinking so it's not cocoa so good. I was cooked on that mix with alcohol Oh, oh the alcohol made you fat, but you get it.

Yeah, I drink like vodka soda But you drink like 10 or 12 of those that's like crazy I had to I would use tons of coke too much coke. That's my favorite amount And then I would have to drink enough to even it out. Yeah, so that I wasn't like Just wallow the spider to catch a fly. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I think that made me fat too actually Yeah, I knew I heroin addict and his girlfriend She was French and she made him switch to diet coke and jacks Guys make you fatter. Wow First of all that shit is so gross cuz you I'm a race drink Red Bulls a lot.

Yeah, I got and they're like shitty. That's a good for you Best thing for you. Yeah, it's a rebel because it's like a balls balls in it Dude the mountain sugar I guess the one in Thailand doesn't isn't it sweet or something? Oh, yeah So it's not as bad, but it's a Thailand gets a healthy one because here we put fucking fructose in it.

Oh, yeah Yeah, they had it first we ripped it off of them. Yes, we're a Thailand made rebel. Yeah, that's theirs I thought wait, I thought Scandinavia and people made Red Bull. No, they need a little red bull But the one that we have oh so the story is supposedly is like a bunch of time guys came over and we're driving taxis in Europe And the word just kind of got out that this is how these guys were doing like 22 hour shifts Oh, wow people wanted to try them and they got a taste and then somebody's like we can take that recipe and make rebel What's the thing that everyone in Thailand choose in mainly prostitutes don't ask me how I know this is a cop They got red mouse.

Oh beetle do you feel juice or beetle? Yeah, that was close, right? showed up Yeah, cuz I one time maybe I might I mean I got a massage from a lady There you go, and she had a red mouth and I was like what is over that and then I got a massage from another lady And she had a red mouth and then I got another lady come over to our hotel room and give us both massages and she had a red Mouth and I'm like what's going on with this red-mouth thing? What was it I didn't ask because I was trying to get I got weed off them and they gave me weed and it wasn't it had They were like little like ice they were like little sugar blocks of green with and it had red shoelace string in it I was like is that is that cuz you know has sometimes weed has like red marks in it?

I was like what is that and then I pulled it and I was like oh no that is that is red string that is not they need fake weed Yeah, it's oh my god, and I was so desperate I smoked it You know you didn't yeah cuz I was in Thailand and there was no weed in the red-mouth lady gave me these little blocks And I was like I gotta try it, you know like it smells like some beetle night No, she didn't offer beetle night and I would have done it too. I would have got a red mouth I was desperate I was singing I think it really fucked your fucking face up to from you whenever why they went hot Yeah, they were definitely not hot hey, what's that thing even your own face? Yeah, remind me of a crystal my thing you know You do crystal mess that much you get your teeth leave and you know comes go I'm heard of it And you kind of start to be like you got a different if you have teeth oh yeah It's almost like even the people that do have teeth. It's like they're Jorco They get a real thing like this girl and I'm like she's got no teeth and then she'll smile and I'm like oh no this teeth It's just it's like your face trying to shoot you Each of your almost I think we'll probably just like twitching from yeah might be all doing this.

I never have done that It's pretty cool. I've I've done meth a bunch of times. I've definitely done like you know I've done Flintstones meth right the children's prescriptions of meth that they get all whatever but I know done actual meth I must well I don't it's too late now. You would have a heart attack.

Yeah, I don't want to be a one-year about people doing that drug when they're older I think you don't care at all cuz I just don't think that when you get to 45 50 Well, that's hot. Well, you take it well usually it's really for gay guys and for chem specs That's what the hell that is right yeah, who's a guy buck something? No, no no no Hey buck was knocking out black male prostitutes and shoot them full meth Wow Dude you would drug them cuz he got off on no he well they wouldn't dinosaurly He just like to shoot drug into them. Yeah, but they weren't ready for yeah, so some people died yeah I can say how they buck use a mass is a big Democrat donor la and um, you know cuz that kind of speed shit I'm a rock coke like jerking off with a limb dick like it makes you depraved Yeah, if you do enough you're like the brave yeah, and whatever's in you or you don't know until you do all that shit You yeah, it'll make you go it'll make you be okay with things that you normally would be okay with for sure That's that did he does a freak off cuz he got that to see to see yeah, that's that you see that vice thing where they got It's like pink cocaine.

Oh, it's cocaine mixed with like I guess the one did he got was cocaine and ketamine and like ecstasy That's cool. I mean it did it's very popular, but um apparently it makes you transcend distinguishing between holes So you're like yeah, I feel like that's that's the way It's like if you do enough drugs your inhibitions disappear and it's not it makes you okay anymore anymore You just want to get off for not that beyond it's a prison sex. That's right. It's not that's right.

It's not it's not um It's a power trip and um it's it's depraved. It isn't it isn't it doesn't make you gay It makes you know care anymore as long as you get to have sex so that chick jaguar right that was I've over three years watching Gene deal, okay, he did he's at bodyguard his own bodyguard, okay, all the help is telling on everybody now so don't Pidemic I just watch all these videos. I was like what the fuck why didn't they tell him earlier? They've been talking about it for three years the feds have probably been building the case oh a milk Did you see the male prostitute that um and I remember this in 2018 was a guy that went to shoot up on the Trump's hotels in Miami The video is kind of funny because he's got he's got a for first.

He's barefoot He's only wear like a wetsuit yeah, I'm gonna. That's good And then he puts on socks and he's running from the cops with socks on marble floor No such a bad idea with a wetsuit on it was insane. He got shot three times a leg and then they're like they're interviewing him Yeah, and um he's like I just wanted to come after him He said all his shit he goes P Didi DJ Khaled across the gay okay, they're gay during the boule a like just DJ Khaled says he doesn't lick cookies So that's gay Hey everybody this show is brought to you by better help online therapy very easy to achieve and Sometimes being like a little headed happy for no reason is not an easy thing to achieve. I myself struggle Expedentially that is a big word for me if that had been written somewhere that I would have just said I don't know what you're doing But yeah, definitely getting smarter because I think that my brain is becoming calmer because I talk I discuss I share my feelings and You know, I'm a big strong tough guy I definitely was raised to not talk to a therapist because that would make you weak is what I was told not directly But you know pushed that way and once I started using therapy Life did get better and I have always recommended it.

I think at least for the last two decades So if you're interested in doing that I highly recommend using better help because we're also very busy and going to a therapist driving around and all that stuff is not easy And this is a place where you can do it online and you can find a therapist if you don't like that particular therapist You can find another one all at better help so You know what I'm probably not supposed to say this but worst case scenario nothing best case You get help you feel better about your life. You become a happier person. You're a happier person around your friends and family So it's pretty important visit better help calm slash Alice today and get 10% off your first month. That's a good deal That's better help h e lp calm slash Alice Do you're good England?

Yeah, okay? I did all these shows almost Jamaicans one time. I think it's like a black army tour England So like like a small is like the lowest cast then Jamaicans middle like Nigerian's like the top right? It's not like black here.

It's different But uh, they Jamaican dudes and they weren't like from Jamaica. They were like second generation But they're all like you really pussy like it was a big thing not eating pussies like gay to them Well, but I found out later that they do do that, but they have to say like they have a down low of eating pussy Wow, you know shamed of it. That's the old fucking Italians say that shit too. I'm proud of it But that makes me gay it makes you really gay.

That's good if you were doing gay shit. Oh, they're buzzing They're filthy front ass. I'll like all it That's nice point trans though not any other reason. Yeah Wow You mentioned a certain brand of trans on your 30-minute special Trans am I that was my first count I was my first kind of yeah, that's a old like wacky news story that people just now started seeing it just it will just happen again Well, you know what happened some guy successfully lobbied his doctor to remove his fingers You thought do any look look at my job for a better fisting For a non-vital hand in his The fingers really getting away, but I think it could be whatever he wants I think if you just really bright for this guy now Maybe it's time to turn somebody into a walrus you ever say task that maybe was badass until he became a walrus and it kind of became boring But the start where the guy doesn't metaphor for bottom surgery.

I mean being a walrus would be cool No, it's not why not from going from me into walrus. Yeah, like if you didn't actually rape each other by the way a lot Well, what's this there? Yeah, they have bad penises. They have their penises is like a wooden bat Oh, it's a bit about you man like a Slapping one that the hit it out of the park the Yes, you do not want to get forcibly penetrated by that.

That's what that happens to the younger male walrus is again It's not because they're gay. It's because they're on that to see no Okay, hey, I feel like it's like giving up at the end, you know because I've always tried that I've always got to do something. I've got to be I got to figure out how to master something I sometimes fans I'm just day of just I've screw it man. I'm a walrus, you know, or like you just want a master being a walrus It or just a thing where it's like just give me the fish and leave me alone Yeah, you never meet a really driven walrus.

Yeah, as I'm saying, it's just not in their nature Like if I get the jab and it makes me a robot. Yeah, I kind of want to be a robot Like if you just go if you just go if you're just like I go to work I eat sandwich like that's it then I don't worry about anything anymore because I know I'm getting a sandwich I know I'm going to work the problem isn't being lazy the problem is being lazy and not wanting to be lazy if you want to Be lazy than you're set. Yeah, I read about a guy. I'm not saying you have a special and then you have another hour That's not work.

That's like fucking that's the bare minimum you should do to do it. It's the big jokes It's a bit right could you write another special like tonight? Not that we're not they'll be ready to go like I know I could write a big chunk of shit tonight But then it would have you that's one part of it You got to work it on stage because some of it once it's you've done it can work or work better How often how much time would you need to go on stage to have it ready for my own yet? I don't know The reason I the half hours because I went past the amount of time where I was like oh now is gonna be stale So I gotta put it out I just put it out something but I have now it never feels like it always feels like I could do you some more time yeah Because a lot of the jokes from the half hour I've better versions of them now They're not gonna be in the hour because you've made them better already.

Well just from doing it Yeah, I understand that believe it or not if you got to do I what sorry are you on the road to like headlining? No, but I am now I can see how you do now show they get there like you're too good to be the guy before you need to be a Headliner before TJ Miller and And so wait who told me to come back and headline all their clubs so now in a month I will now be a headline which I don't think that I'm ready for but Oh look just suck it when I started to have my will don't you worry about that? When I started I had my name I wasn't I had these writing jobs So I didn't go on the road like I should have so I'd had to jump from feature because then if you are to you have to be that good to be Too good to feature for some people yeah But I wasn't ready to do what I mean I was ready to do an hour's that line everything's like the thing You're better than the headliner I used to get that all the time and by way I wasn't better most of the time Yeah, that's what I feel like I feel like uncomfortable You know, I'm gonna be like with a treaser like a teller something I'm like and whatever you people say that's the great part of being a Feature is you have nothing really on your shoulder sides not completely fucking out Right don't bomb and you're fine And just if you're pretty good and the headliners got sustained an hour they might like you better than headliner Even if you think that line is better yourself. Yeah, so whenever that's the benefit of it So then it jumps words all on you so then that's when that's why people are saying I don't want somebody to go to the feature for me, right?

I don't give you shit. I tell I think is the to me like my model that cuz he'll throw away a joke Don't be a joke to spew he'll throw me a joke. You're like don't throw away I don't have that joke. Yeah, I just did a weekend with him that changed everything for me Yeah, and he's like so he's fucking awesome He doesn't give you like I know I doesn't give a shit because he's fucking awesome And he wouldn't sweat anybody going up before him and that's you you don't care about anybody for you because you're fucking monster Well, no, sometimes I care but I'm not gonna go complain about it I'm not making my own feelings inside about it But I it feels like weak to do that to me.

Yeah, I'm gonna be like weak at it And um if I'm the worst one I also don't it's like funny. It's just not having ego about it I understand though. I open up for Louie one time and he was like he wanted you just limit how much I said fuck Which I do say a lot for no reason that adds nothing right. Yeah some trash Yeah, and it's just because that wears out the word if he's very precise where he would put it in shit Yeah, but whatever like really if you're hosting or I'm a member host of her people I'd be like feel like I was too good to like you know, this merges for sale like for the headliner Yeah, but of course I should do that.

I'm a goddamn host my whole job is to make it good for the headline Yeah, that's my job. Yeah, so but I had like a shitty attitude I remember I'm a good host at all also on top of that yeah, but uh seems like some people that are good at hosting I'm not shooting on anybody are not good at being a headline like it's a having Completely stuff. It's go. Yeah, you might be good at all of it But that's a that's enough of a skill to pick up where it's you could be like not that great a comp But you're a genius host.

Yeah, some people do it all like I said But it's not nothing a lot of clubs to do a thing where it would be the least paid spot and get some new person A host and that's a very experienced person spot agreed, you know, and it makes a big difference I think it's like crowd warm up and you know, it's not like a pure crowd warm up with that part of it's a lot of stuff together Yeah, it's like still always had like there's a love when fucking already food quite with host because he go up It's all high energy. You just like dumb shit They loved him though, and then if you want to make fun of him he'd stand there so you can make fun of him It's just another good fucking energy to the crowd for your benefit. Yeah, that's like great You know people pumped and laughing before you come up is really good. It does it You know you tell me somebody's like hosting they're trying to like hog it for them for them.

Yeah Yeah, it's like why are you hosting then it doesn't make sense if there's a lot of egos in the game, you know I mean it's a weird thing to want to be in fucking clown for a living so drop it But wait hold on I will say it's not even ego myself. I really would get a bug up my ass with somebody would like Every day it's an open mike or whatever like what do you do before you don't comedy skating or something? So but I'm watching a what's the fucking guy? Some dude a wrap of like you'll never be a comic is a bunch of people you picture you get picture some girl Wait, I mean it yeah, it's not a comic that made it It's a guy's a rapper and I was like I was like first of all like if you sell any tickets by the way Yeah, you're coming comic is not like a prestigious position if you if you do it, okay, and you make money doing it I got great news your comic.

Yeah, do you mean you want to be a good comic? That might be a thing you're trying to say but even that would make sense Yeah, but maybe it would be a good comic and never be a comic means people that fucking low rent in their head Yeah, and the guys like a good rapper dude. I like I know you're totally on Twitter. He hates everybody But he's yes, but he's I think he made us rap for like I just saw your picture on the thing and I was listening to it That's nice of him well whatever But they'll find like this weird little frail intern.

I mean I Gives a shit guys I'm coming something I think it's a rapper yeah, but whatever the point is I follow him on Twitter He attacks everybody for everything if you know if somebody goes to me you'll never be a cop like the very idea That that would be but you're officially a comic yeah, and not it is so like did your whole horizons are wrong to think of it that way Yeah, this is for losers Yeah, so if somebody like that got really good at it is like ultimate loser really a failure in comedy means you still do stand up You have to do it not you don't do it because you want to if you go once a year you have to do it I have to do it you understand yeah, so I like it It's my favorite part, but that means I'm a failure I'm a fancy a successful stand up is doing movies and TV you really think so that's what no I'm sorry how I feel it's the call the industry how it's always been okay, okay? That's the business of it yeah, there's always been the assumption that a stand up comic is looking to credit People don't even make it this this why it's dumb to go like about any like what's the dude you know Rogan's friend has a couple pointy head that everybody would trash him I watch these channels Brandon the guy was a fighter Oh, but it's up now. I don't have any feelings about him good about him good about him I don't know him really yeah, I don't give a shit if he sells tickets yeah, and people want to see I don't it doesn't hurt me Anyway, but there's an industry of like what like what you taking a spot another comic could have taken yeah That's not the case right that's if you think that way you fucking don't and that's like I got friends It's like real six seven-year comic thinking of that's a motive thinking it ain't like that dude first of all It was never like that the whole thing's been bullshit all time But now you don't need to worry about any bales is doing if you should be taking it like if you don't like him You should be like oh if you could do that I could do it and not bear him any ill will that he does it Yeah, but when I started and we didn't you couldn't make your own thing like why sorry We were like work for Viacom or something or you're hoping to get signed yeah deal yeah, right Yeah, and now that she who gives you shit about why would you give it should any of that you could do so much better just this Blow smoke my face in the beginning could that could be a show it is yeah All any car stand up show money wise or whatever so I only like it for the thing itself I don't care about any other bullshit me too and my identity is not that's what that is It's like you'll never have the identity of it's like telling you you'll never be a woman You're like a trans comic There's no such thing all comics or comics No, you know yeah, I always thought that when cuz people would say that they would put me in the same boat It's but that's good you should say that like what because he had another career before he did this career I'm like whatever you want to do go do it. Well, give a shit with anybody think if you want to be a Comic fuck you you should say that nobody's welcoming anybody this unless they're planning to like Take a flavor camp at a ditty party.

Right. Okay. If you welcome you're about to get fucking did eat hard like you did Yeah, yeah, I don't know the hospital toorn in it's like you're usher right which I'm I miss that boat. So okay Yeah, no, I'm old down over here.

Yeah, no one's trying to take me to the party filled with him I'd be so late me too man my ass keeps bleeding lately. I think I'm gonna die from selling him a anus It's red blood is and I don't use my anus anymore, and which is like even more depressing cuz I'm like oh that's something else Do you think you might have ass CTE or now you're paying for the effects of previous so much my ass is bleeding? No That's what it was I'd be proud you literally hit your head so hard into another man the fourth shot at your asshole Could be I believe anything I believe everything on tiktok stuff. It's like what makes sense man You mean like a T.

E. Yeah, you know trauma is what I'm saying is you you're paying now for your previous ass sins Oh, you think every time you burrito so you don't get CTE you don't you don't like walk out of the ring It comes later sometimes you sometimes people walk out not membership. Yeah, it's happening Yeah, I'm a bit of a doctor when it comes to brain injuries like when you knocked out I can tell how bad of a concussion it is by the way I feel the next day or that night I'm like oh, this is a bad one. I cry the shower for a week and like that one definitely did some damage So wait hold on that you get concussion can make you like a mo it could fuck you up a machine from the injury yeah Wow I've been knocked out in a dirt bike where real good like I was out for a third dirt bike Yeah, and at one Yeah, but I every time I had a shower for a week or if it rained and I went outside I would cry but it was this weird cry where I wasn't sad I was just like tears would start coming out of my face and I'm like why am I crying and then and then when I had a Shower I started crying in the shower.

I was like oh shit It's gonna be knocked out yeah that happened one time when I was in high school that when I'm like I'm like crying I'm not sad because I didn't get off I'd wake up super early and I guess I wasn't used to Humble a little sleep. Yeah, yeah, cuz lack of sleep. I feel like I'm just involuntarily crying about nothing I wasn't upset I'm like what is happening? I think it's tied in like concussion if you go to sleep after you've had a concussion You're not getting the rest of you usually you're getting because it's trying to fix your brain Definitely right after you're not supposed to like right when you wake up.

No don't let that person go back to sleep Why after about six hours? I don't know if I'm not this little but after they might not wake up That's apparently they stay asleep and they can go into a coma and then die. Yeah, that's all I thought I did that one time What she fell no she fell and then and she likes usually never wants to go to bed and I'm like you're okay She's like I'm fine. I'm just super times gonna go back.

No. Oh she was like It's complicated we were back east and the kids never the kids never really seen snow and she was walking on this little Elevated section in front of my parents house and didn't realize there was a dip because the snow Yeah, and yeah, she fell and kids are like way first of all They don't really have the the reach to get their hands in front of their face But more critically they don't have that instinct either so they just she has it now No, you would think you would you would really think they just face plant they take it hard and then yes She's like no, I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm just gonna bet.

I'm like you never want to go to bed But a three-year-old being calm about that. I would be frightened out of my mom. Her mom was in LA And I'm like I think she's okay. She's okay.

She wants to go to sleep. That's bad. That is the worst thing ever. Our urgent cares were closed Yeah, I was worried.

No, we pulled her. We pulled her. Yeah. Thank you for your like spongey at that point.

Yeah, I mean We'll see you know we know we know the long term Remind me she she stays three when she's like 16 Never go out of rainbow break Yeah, so you're sleeping old Yeah, I got enough death three times last month in a like in a period of a month Is that's like a view no, but I feel like it depends on who you are This is super for sure I just want to say that before I say this next thing I've got a thick head and I think it probably does matter And I think I was built to like take a few more shots than the air could you look like this is your what is this park called? It looks like close to your neck like it's not just cuz I'm jacked well Whatever as long as you got a chocolate Dell amount of me. Yeah, you know It's but it's a baby shoulders people you see Kobe baby shoulders in the gym in the boxing gym And then I because I retired from fighting I started lifting weights and now I don't have baby shoulders So suck a butt that gym But yeah, I head a lot and because you're older start retired from fighting because you know Andrew Huberman Yeah, he told me with Tony Hawk They both were like hey man Like you should stop fighting because of how many punches to the face you get and the knockouts I've had from motocross and from skateboarding Yeah, and I was like okay Andrew Huberman is somebody who I believe is very intelligent when it comes to your brain Yeah, he was like crushes pussy. Yeah Awesome Wow, I got to get his book I can't believe they went on like why are you telling me anything?

Did he fucking you more on it? He's pretty hot I get a crime and it's like he fucks a lot of girls and I don't care I was wondering for what I saw the thing where he's in trouble. I was like what did he do it? I'm like wait, I he sleeps with people like he's single right.

That's okay. Isn't it also probably not true? Someone do yeah He still knows stuff about your brain So I keep like he's a nice guy man. He helped me get off cradamensch He was nice to me.

That's all I know do you remember what because me and they were like mad at you know just because okay Yeah, he made his mistakes. Whoa, dude, okay? I'm with you remember easy knows what I'm saying and they're like and they so admittedly not cool Okay, okay, they would go they took that when he was saying pull your pants up back when that was the style to not Pull your pants up because you're saying like yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and I'm like okay that guy that guy got away with 30 years. Yeah, okay back when it was not that cool to do that I'm doing police and Go to New York.

Yeah, dude. It's fucking crazy. Wait everybody's people. It's all matter time They're creating Batman conditions there.

I promise you do really getting wild and my friends the more successful they are the more They don't know shit anyway. I'm gonna stop it the point is book guys We got away with that for how long a long time yeah, so I think he has a thing or two to teach young black man about not getting shot Wow, there's that angle. I mean I didn't know where I thought you were going, but it wasn't gonna hear me out look Do you call it hear me out? Yeah, why clothes man?

No, I just drop some mag claw knowledge But what I'm saying is you've been zined it bad like I'm just saying The stupid thing of going like like somebody's right there, right? Being wrong man another thing don't make you wrong about like yeah, yeah, yeah It's just whether you want to like him or not that's what America's about that's the dumbest part of America It's just blessed a fucking so it did do I did a Was podcast like doing it was like the 2020 election like who do you like you know for that? I was like oh, I like them all I heard their nice I said that because I'm like who gets a shit. Why like what does that have to do with anything?

Yeah, what do they do? Nothing's gonna change you're not supposed to look what people do you supposed to get hung up on marketing language? Yep, okay Which is what people do and if anybody have offended by saying some marketing language fuck you. Yeah, wow that's not gonna get bleeped Your bonus whole pardon me.

Yeah, who'd you rather if you were gonna work for a company? We had like profit sharing would you rather work for a really nice CEO who wasn't great at their job or work for somebody? It was an absolute it was an amazing CEO CEO does so I Like daisies like I like when the flower opens and the Sun comes out. I just saying that's my priority So that's a guy a bunch of people invested their hopes and dreams and he was a phony he was a phony yes I thought he was trying to help us why I don't know cuz TV.

Yeah, well a lot of people did Jimmy door I do wish I wear my show psychic him. He was a guy believe in birth all them burning people got real disillusioned So many tobacco too, so no, so he became the president would he see one a dungeon He would be as worthless as every other one of these fake ass progressives To boil it down to a bullet point. What's the major knock on Bernie that people the word is necessary? I've been following his career.

I really haven't okay, so he was a big he could have won in 2016 How do you not get and fuck that the primary? Yes, I know that you know he would be in Trump back then to the primary Why the fucking dn see you under the control of the Hillary and built the Clintons run everything Yeah, they all looked at it and they said it's in her emails it's less about who Deserves to win who won the vote on the Democratic side. It's more about we need somebody who we think can beat Trump Okay, however, they arrived at this issue which we don't need to tell you now. We think it's my privilege like shit We take the smart emails.

It's a hair emails. Did you read it nobody? Okay? It's called a pie-piper strategy isn't from her emails that you weren't supposed to read because it's I know the pie-piper is okay Okay, so okay, so if no with the story so the idea was he was not popular the only people thought she would be good Are people like on the coaster and cities the kind of girls that I worked with on things that froze their fucking eggs to get it later Right, you know, it makes me sick.

It's actually sick and uh, and so the kind of ambitious like you gotta do like oh we need more women Psychopaths that kind of feminism that that has led to like all kinds of nonsense where it's all about you know Oprah my truth woman That's your career all that bullshit. They really admire Hillary's like what's despicable about her, okay? So how do we get her elected when everybody else sees through this page and they don't like her well? We got someone worse than there's like wrestling heel versus babyface, right?

Yeah, so Hillary who was their peel over was a heel I know Republican tater so I like her right that was okay, so Trump they bring him into heel for Hillary as the babyface to get her over to get Over well guess what Trump didn't get her over and they never expected for him to fucking they they wanted him to run The Clintons kind of I think even talked to him beforehand to him to run he's the perfect guy like the producers I'm gonna say a producer like we're gonna make a spring thai for Hitler thing and everybody'll hate it Yes, I'm guaranteed to fail and yet that's what that was so basically what is is getting a function everything's always getting a function So is our if K for to just make people vote for Trump when he disappears like he's the set up for that? No, I don't think so. No, okay. Um, there's no email about that one.

No, he's a good guy. Oh, he's a good guy We are why do you think he was but look I don't think in terms of good guys because that's really Okay, he's a guy that when he was to become president nothing would change again. All right, they would kill him They would kill him that dude will dismantle yeah, and he'll do everything except he's like hardcore Zionist where it's like was he programmed? I don't know but everything else we still have the environment It's a big pharma.

You know, he's a lawyer. He's a pro so when you watch these assholes normally talk He's why we liked him. Hey, they always talk like they're being a lawyer for the pieces of shit They didn't do the thing they were supposed to do yeah, I'm her you're supposed to be with Hillary not her with you She serves you but you're supposed to be with her because a woman he's he talks to you like your lawyer So if you were like hey, I got injured by this medication He would tell you all the dirty shit about the medication because he's about you that's how he talks Okay, but if you're a certain kind of well-to-do person you deep down you don't have to be told you sense You're supposed to go with a certain entity if you want to succeed or not yeah, you might be told But probably you just instinctively will go in the direction of being a cow a lot of people I won't came up with do that And when I see them now, they don't know they know less than you do and you said you don't read shit Yeah, I can't read well, you know as much as don't more I got great news for you you don't more fucking Sam Harris To do a show huh I would not smoke wait if Steve I asked me to do a show well that you know he hates Trump But he is I bet you are I bet you Trump would not smoke weed if I see that's cheating doesn't smoke weed That's true, but Trump would probably do that for Steve. Oh, right, but it's all projection So you suppose you have a cult of personality around someone you I love that song do you like living color?

Yeah, I can't I saw them live recently don't say it they were probably having a bad day. I hope so fuck you anyway I don't think I don't think body glove manufacturers in the size of it's I'm live when you're in your 50s. Yeah, you want to talk about a For me, I say you want to talk about walrus man You gotta see a living color live in 2020 which guy I met him at never mind the buzz cocks my first job for Mark Mary We go. Yeah, okay.

Thank you very great guitar. So never lived shut up. Michael. Nice, right?

Okay, I don't know enough about music to say who's the bad. I mean I like well then let me tell it not go ahead Let's talk about okay. Do you think they'll kill him if he's president? You like it?

You like it if you're talking about big farm and then there's no way he'll get the vote right? It's a big form. You understand it be format and also so you know when they go they ask people it woke is and they can't define it And so yeah, so that it takes up. Here's how I define it's social corn syrup It's it's over produced and subsidized by the god damn government So it's put into everything where it doesn't belong yeah high fructose corn syrup and wokeness and makes your kids fat and fucking stupid so It's all the military industrial complex the food the drugs Everything is part of the goddamn military industrial complex.

I don't know why people talk bad about China or Russia You live in fucking Soviet Union, okay Maybe you're doing well in it people did well in the Soviet Union you mean in terms of the fact that you're receiving misinformation You're pretending that you don't we shit on them because no no that I rate at below North Korea because North Korea and they're not good with misinformation agreed Okay, but North Korea is an amateurish almost analog you got a guy doing North Korea in your pocket all times They're just about to pass a bill to let them all now They're always fine on you, but it's to make it even more legal and they and then what they're gonna do in this new bill that passed Bibartisan in the house is a let's say for I don't know Communication and they want to take your equipment and they go and you need to spy on him and give the information us and you're not let it reveal You did it so you'll be you would forcibly have to be in on it with the people spying yeah, it's like we made torture legal Of course they torture what do you think we don't torture, but they made it legal that's ghoulish now It's way worse than the amount of torture it was before I'm an Orwell guy and always when you read 1984 you go That's terrifying well, that's how they took it. They took it as this is a great idea But why but different thought but but but how would you ever end up in a world where people would agree like when that thing started to form and Take on a life of its own people every Bell people would have rebelled against it But it turns out you don't need to enforce it on people people will opt in and pay good money to have spying devices I tell everybody what I'm doing. Yeah, well, that's well I would why was it chump they did that on Facebook for a while like it's my diary. I don't care I didn't understand that taking your data didn't just mean companies it also meant pick any fucking loser out there who?

Who is spurgy enough to go through your every comment you ever made to try to get something on you yeah to get ahead in some way I have a concept of that 10 12 years ago. That became the way of the world dude Yeah, so that's not even the CIA or ancient that's just some asshole on their own will do CIA shit to you Never mind natural fucking CIA, which if you say the wrong thing they will do to you You're just not talking anything where they come at you. Yeah, cuz I don't I'm a nice guy I like flowers well that I mean that won't protect you I don't have any beef with anybody who are the people that the CIA is going after Their own country mostly I mean specific individuals though who's been ruined by Alex Jones Okay, you see though. They caught that guy undercover.

Okay, some CIA I don't know if he's an analyst or what he is but they call a guy from Pfizer James O'Keefe Do you keep that kicked out of project Veritas after the Pfizer one? Did you see the Pfizer one? No? No, I'm just saying like ordinary people I'm noticing a growing disconnect between the world as it is and everybody knows it online and the world is like Myself and actual human beings that I know are living in my life in real life.

Okay, no I like talk to my neighbors. I don't see all of this extremism I don't see people who are extremely woke or extremely anti-walk people who are in the bag for Trump or in the bag for Hillary I meet people who are just like normal people where here Oh in this area I live in the shit in New York. What's that the play? Where's my quid of a time?

I would say like other than New York City for 20 years and I would say the key of New York is not seeing shit that you don't want to see That's how you survive in New York is you just don't see shit I didn't always been like going to prison you want to dry snitch or whatever so you're like I didn't see that so that Natural thing to just live there because we stack on top of each other and a good part of it was every class level You'd hang out because everybody was doing coke shit So it was like real diversity everywhere you went in New York, okay It'd be like an heiress and me and when I tell you see a fuck him He's sober now but he's like when he's gonna get fucked up and a Dominican with pajamas and cowboy boots, right? Right, well just the subway trains. I don't know. I mean Ellie doesn't have anything like that every cross-urban every cross section of New York Like yes, there's somebody who's rich enough to take a helicopter wall street But there's a lot of wall street guys that was owned was zoned to be segregated.

Yes, I'm sure New York is like impossible. These are all prisons so one for some people to live on top like here It's heavy racial segregation prison. It's not like that in East Coast Just you know a different thing, but In New York you just purposely won't I joke in my first hour about a guy who I was like no one was even looking at him was homeless I thought I was like wrong, you know, there's a human there just stepping up I'm like, I'm gonna look at that guy give him my gun. I'm like I'm gonna give him icon attack Like when I went but you know, I got there his arm was moving okay, and um, you know, maybe he's jerking off No, he was fisting his own asshole.

Well, that's pretty cool. That's why no one was that's not easy to know him No, but you don't you don't seem cool and full icon Yeah, I was waiting for you just made that fisting yeah, and that's like you just my stupid fucking you know like It's like going to prison people I know you're you're done Whatever your dumb illusions are gonna get dispelled real quick depending how close you have to live to other people Yeah, and you gotta learn how to not see things okay, and as a larger metaphor for just America That's daddy Santusky Jerry Santusky's wife remember Santusky the guy from you and state his wife thinks innocent to this day That's America is daddy Santusky. There's not a problem Bill Marr right now doesn't see what the problem is or why anyone be voting Trump now. I'm not voting Trump I don't believe in any of this shit Just you know if you do I think you're a child But if you do believe in it and you're voting trying care bill Marr Don't he's like no you can't he's good.

They're literally saying the economy's good to people who know it's not good Exhale supposed to be whatever the fuck they're gonna know that's fine. You're there you guys are wrong eggs are very expensive all this shit's expensive I mean I get paid that much it's true. So my friends that have gotten suppressed I mean most I mean everybody from I know through Jimmy Jimmy's a channel gets suppressed, but he still has a lot of subscriptions Yeah, um wait suppressed. Yeah, I'll go with oh, yeah Like especially like episodes like this like this is not gonna save a lot of day But why would you even have to why should you even have to think like that to have a normal discussion with someone take me a year to My just realize okay, do you think maybe but you think that's normal?

That's clearly you live in fucking China already? Yeah, I'm used to it now. This is why I say he can serve it is They're like oh China you live there motherfucker. You didn't know that they're both in on it.

So you only hope now Okay, pon I guess I press that just get just clean yourself out with some paperwork, you know, it's not gonna Like it if you're not into it, but just look at it until you get it No, you know, I hope now is because Trump only does like 95% of the fucked up shit that they wanted to do instead of a hundred That there's an omen of chaos that maybe might break it up Just you know the whole thing's a fucking fake farce. I don't know how you think it's real If you think it's real wait, why are you saying it to me? Yeah, what do I think is real? Yeah?

No, well whoever's watching Not stupid childish. It's like wrestling. Remember when wrestling they revealed it scripted and the one guy's like it's real to me Damn it after but yeah, no, he was smart. There's a man to do that It opened it up for a lot of storylines right?

ECW why is it ECW and Sandman and Raven were beefin and Raven kidnapped Sandman son and took him to Japan Wait, I was thinking that happened. You see W I remember seeing him live in Philly when we were at Artisitude and I saw Raven and Sam and getting the same van I was like, you know what? I bet he didn't kidnap his son. Yeah, that happened in the 80s We all lost our innocence I forget like iron chic was like taking a taxi with like Paul Orndorff and like wait a second.

Let's get his repeat His knees yeah, I remember like we roasted him again like it was knee operations needed. Yeah, he was he was a mess That's how low that's why I say wrestling destroy your body worse than if you were a goddamn prostitute now You have to throw a roast at your knees fixed and that you don't have a goddamn right as you pottyed In the ring no you pottyed in and out if you had to save your money if you had done something smart with your money You would have had money to get any surgery. Well, let me tell you something all the writing I did and I'll probably never get a guild job again But thank God I would not know health care and it was because that the sag sucks ass But the get by what gills about to be destroyed because as his de-i comes in that's the break up unions But wrestling Jesse Ventura store union whole coke and ratted him out to Vince McMahon. That's why they don't have one And away.

Yeah, it seems the UFC every time they try to do something seems like the UFC just it wasn't there Some big out of the court they settled and they gave him a bunch of money which means no rules change I don't know enough about it, but I do know this if you're smart and you run a thing You just raise the money on your own without people going Hey, I don't have enough and you probably don't pay as much as you should pay them Yeah, that's what happened and if you fucking if you're the dump but that's the thing dude It's almost thinking like a poor person to go like well, why do you need to do what what's about need? Like hey, why do they need to have total control over my thoughts and words when the media is own there's only six companies We have a fascist connection of government and media now completely that's what fascism is when the government combines with corporations That's what Mussolini said So that's us we're fascist. That's what public private partnership is that is when do you think you'll move to the forest and live off the land? I'm gonna move to Austin pretty soon and live near a friend of Bo hunts wait That's that that's not the same.

I don't know. I'm gonna get the hell out of California though That's for sure. Yeah Austin's gonna be better than that only because it's not California and I can work hang out that club Oh, okay, so you still got you go. I'll move there when mothership there I thought that flat out you know I love Austin I wouldn't have moved there if they're not mothership because you'll have a place to go and do your comedy Well, like I also like having a club I get hang out like with your friends Yeah, like the comedy store.

I like to hang like the seller was the one in New York I like to hang out at it was like a club so it was like that aspect and I really do like that So much of I get definitely do that she's down there fucking your friends a bunch of friends I never have all my friends there, but he lives a different spots, but they will visit all the time So you're gonna see anyway, yeah, dude So I'm talking about some like when you're out of the club getting food and stuff You're still a part of the thing like you're gonna pay your yeah How are you gonna escape the fascist state ultimately what your exit strategy? Well, I'm gonna say it's collapsing that's why they we think all the censorship about it was so the evening day before collapsed wait I do I do I need to should I not save what like do I need to what I want to buy a house or I wouldn't take financial advice for me No, but I'm just saying I'm saying I'm going to be there in future is what I'm saying. I don't fucking know why you're asking me How would you get 50 50 50 shit? So just rage we reach like just like what everybody I get spend it on whatever I just live a balanced life and not be a punked anyone and just that I'm doing that then you good But is it am I gonna have to fight people from like trying to get my liquid death out of the garage sir?

I bet you could take care of yourself. Yeah, but do you think that's coming or do you think I can still relax? In LA look if some if some collapses here I think I'd be better off in Austin than here 100% as in people will start taking stuff from you You just people going nuts and you know, they don't take much You mean like LA is not a cohesive place like you know, you like after 9-11 I was there There's a blackout yeah, and the blackout in the 70s. They were riots and I live there It was right now 11 and it was like the coolest it was pitch black everybody just cool It was like a big party.

There's almost no crimes Do you know I was so such a big deal everybody was being chill so you could time the blackout that I was in after 9-11 It was like it was nobody was rubbing people. I almost drank myself the death well drugs. Were you there? Yes, yeah, it was a party I was born during the blackout in 77 and really yeah Yeah, it was in July there's in the movie summer of Sam Like all the people are freaking out that they think Sun of Sam's gonna kill them obviously everybody's living in fear And at one point all the lights go out and like a million different people in their house like oh shit I'm Sam's in my kitchen.

He just got the lights Oh, I was just a blackout and my dad worked in the city But I was born in Jersey and so like he went into Grand Central Station got there He's the only person there and they're like what what the fuck are you doing here? There's no city right now. He's like oh it's at the hospital weekend like yeah dude turn around and go home We have no power the city is yeah, it was markedly different The second one was tough because we all thought that was another terrorist attack. What do you think this happens right?

Oh, you're gonna be cool. So that's the benefit of having that the kind of unity you get out of a nice juicy terrorist attack Which you think it was like 20 years of fully squander it all the way Hey, I'm still taking my shoes up at the airport That's a shaky down for the you know the easier way if you join always get cup checked What's that kind of mind was it check my dick? Did I happen one time in a fuck where was I it was like Houston or something but I got the thing and the guy it was really More comfortable for him than me. Yeah, no, I feel like it's okay, sir It's an anomaly.

He's like yeah, yeah, he says there's no time Yeah, he goes it's anomaly. I'm like not I know what it is Points to the fucking monitor Yeah, I'm a lightly with the back of my hands. Yeah, and I'm gonna hurry again on the goddamn plane So I'm like so I'm just feeling up and let's go. Yeah, no I'm going private room.

It's like you need somebody to wait He got it but I was trying to joke I'm like oh this guy is like he might quit over this Some guys do it and they're not really that like because they don't want to touch my penis because they don't want to catch the gay But one guy made me do like a straw a step like a foot in front of the other one Yeah, so my legs were more apart so that he could get like a good grab. Yeah, you want it all the gay Yeah, he got it. Wow. I hadn't considered as a guy's really into it.

I'm a guy that did mine. He would make like It's gonna be a tough job man. It's why are we doing this? Why do why first of all the shoe thing the worries in the shoe bomber got through was because nobody bothered to look down At his fucking feet that the revisible fuses coming out is obviously bomb shoes.

Yeah, okay, so you could fix it that way I didn't even know there was a shoe bomber. That's how we got this dumb shit. Oh, right now They're not even gonna have actual in-person TSA people. They just have screens and It would be great except most of these airports didn't put the fucking money into that So you still got to strip it on back well now That's a pilot program that they're starting in Las Vegas and obviously they're hoping it'll work But even that they should be easier for you all these things are always and every single one of them There's a single one you get a little bit of benefit and the rest of it is a goddamn trick to fuck you in the ass Not how you like okay, that's what every single one is not how you lock on the end of it Yeah, no not in a way in a fucking it's not a sweet way.

No, they're not making love. That's for sure No, it's it's dude. Remember when I was sending kids a pre-k it was a big deal your kids got a pre-k pre kindergarten Yes, when you like I remember I was a kindergarten was five I got a reeba with the kid my mother taught me to read because she wasn't a deadbeat bitch Yeah, she cared about her kids. I was gonna burn.

Yeah, but people's me. No, but people's parents don't teach them shit I had no idea and that's the reason why they have universal My parents defense they didn't know anything. No, why here's why okay? Okay, so the ostensible reason is because some kids are so far behind by the time that they're five that kindergarten They'll never actually correct.

That's what they tell you Kids when they're between until you're six you don't get I don't know if it's what's called it's like a brainwave state theater So you don't have if you can't distinguish reality from fiction you have your parents helping with that until you hit about six So I'm sure some kids do it earlier and that's like check you IQ But you don't have that so they want kindergarten itself the German word is from the Prussian school of education invented by the billionaires of yes 1900 it means it's to separate you from your fucking mother early just like a economy country just like what you heard about all the bad Countries a billionaire here's thought it up and they wrote it down openly. This is not a secret Carnegie There's a whole memo we don't want artists and philosophers We just need factory workers why there was a bell all the shit was called the Prussian model. You like this all the time Which is so funny? You're if I cared I'd be depressed right now Why be depressed because you just everything is like in everyone's under we're all screwed and under control and stupid well I'm all right, right?

What's gonna do you do look? Here's the good news? I don't give me some because we gotta go give me good news the whole thing's collapsing in front of you all that's great news Yes, it's that mean I'm after stop fighting soon. No, you know all you gotta do what don't be fucking so Think of it with 20 things that I won't bring up on the podcast that really you should be able to speak about it openly But I won't bring them up to not make it hard for you.

Oh, you've ruined it. I haven't gotten anything I'm fine with it. I've been doing a podcast on our guest. They're for a while.

I'm gonna make those guys. Yeah Whatever dude, I like you that's what matters so but the amount of times I had friends on hey Hey, keep cut that part We had an interesting conversation. Yeah, and we got cut and I will of course cut it for them I might want to do that on some else's podcast. Yeah, that's how we live here and every school that I know did I don't do that no more.

That's all you gotta do don't be it just talk don't save up your political capital Tell the truth. You know, you'll have to hill you want to buy on every that shit There's not the hill you want to throw you up. He says that to me Well, I've had here it because I have to I was great good for you No, I've heard it over and over because I have to be around goddamn Media nerds. Yeah, that's an honor in it which it seems it seems tough like that was the thing that I know you can't See it once you see it and then it's the annoyance of like what if I know what things real, okay?

Yeah, I'm not gonna go back to like cuz you emotionally feel a certain way Yeah, we're dating which is what people think you should be that don't even fucking know you right who complained that I said I'm about gender affirming care somebody on You know, it's like something to do it your gender. It's got everything to do a farm of shit That's marketing shit. I was hooked on that to cotton I went to a pain management center to get my heroin. Did work Yeah, I was addicted Okay, all they do is take the signs off that and put gender affirming care on but and then sell you this fucking terminology Like it's like a old lady watching so far with trans people first of all This is a question you mean Trans people for to New York City nobody had a problem trans people where I lived Comedians because it yeah, I'm good.

Yeah. No, I now have a problem with the people's other things that you say there are not So I met the person I don't problem any people at all I have a problem with lies and bullshit and when people don't know themselves enough or have an identity enough where they're it's the same As a guy who washes like a manosphere I gotta be a high-value male you see what a manosphere is it's alpha male alpha male stuff You watch people pay money to go like alpha male bootcad It's like it's like the more expensive version of wearing a hat that says wolves not cheap You're all wearing that not a sheep head as good as if they were getting molested They have to crawl around the mud nice water and shit. Oh, yeah, it's a fucking grant. You know, it's really alpha Never doing that.

Yeah, what are you talking about? Who's an alpha? I thought of that no paying a man to teach you to be a man is not very mainly no, but it doesn't make him alpha male I will agree with that much of guys who agree to go That's always a good man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then it's Sigma male right what's that every fucking nerd that isn't an alpha But they're like it's male astrology is what the fuck it is.

It's not a Gemini What do you do for fun? I have some clothes. Hey, it's fun. It's a fun.

It's not life But look the things I'm saying are not crazy or conspiratorial. Yeah, I haven't caught it yet What like why would you be uncomfortable any of them? I'm I'm perfectly comfortable I watch every single thing. I like to go to Jim.

I probably could use my beer go to fire stop drinking clothes I was gonna say clothes might have something to do with that guy, but hey man So if everything do it here, but if you're happy I say rocket We'll give you a gut I have to say I call it dirty bulking myself, but I don't call them dirty bulking. I thought you know he'll permit all these we know I'm just friends with him I don't listen to him. Oh, they go. It's like not eating right and working out, but yeah, which is no shit Like when I put on more muscle from doing that than I used to like really strict and I got skinny Oh, okay I didn't put on bulk until I was just working out, but I'm gonna have to do a cut at some point Yeah, why cuz I would like to lose it.

I just I mean you're good friends I'm gonna give you a like morning to tonight. This is what you eat like Joe Rogan dude tell Joe Rogan Hey dude, I don't have a gutty morning. He'll give you a breakfast lunch at dinner. Don't do that well Maybe I'll do that.

I mean I could do it for you. I know Joe Rogan, but I know how to like not be fat Look pretty easy. Let me tell you something discipline I should have a pack of Black guys and gay guys have abs. That's how I look at it straight black man.

What about him or cheating? What about MMA? What about Justin Gachie? Oh, he doesn't really have a What whatever I'm making a stupid joke.

He's literally in his name think about it. Oh, yeah, wait, but it's all the way He's got abs. Okay, don't exercise by the way is the main reason is to not be completely crazy From a you know my goddamn job. Yeah, yeah, it makes sense.

Good for your mental Yeah, I wish I knew you like the thing wait. Yeah, I love this in a music when you look ways is it metal? No, it's all kind of shit It's not oh, so it's not a rational. What's your game?

What's your game? I'm too imbalanced Are you a violent guy? No, I mean I'm gonna cut you off on the freeway and you're gonna find it for 20 years. Okay I'm like I'm trying to kill a homeless guy in New York.

That was bullying Tyler Fisher. Okay, well then so there's a little Let's go. Would you go I would have well first of all, it's New York. So can you fight?

I don't know I will you don't know well You're not trained in a family of course You can punch me in the face I would never have a problem with probably a real fighter ever my life I don't have a problem with so many act that pulled some shit And it would be if I gave you blessing gloves right now and gave you like 10 seconds to punch me in the face I would never be that stupid to try to fight a professional guy you do it professionally Yeah, but I'm not gonna punch you back. I'm just saying go for it free shot I don't why would I want to do that? That's just a question. No, I'll have that kind of urge to prove myself at it However, I won't let me a funny video.

No, yeah, of course It was all okay a 40 sexual man in saying when I took care just funny video Yeah, but I don't need a kid. I didn't I didn't you get a free one. I don't punch you What is it? I didn't move do I come?

I don't know if you're lucky depends on how you do I wouldn't even try to do I don't care look that's not I had no identity around fighting I just would never allow somebody like some guy stalk my girlfriend on the street Not that long ago cuz I'm bad out here. Yeah, so homeless guy squatting in a burned-out bill How are they punching women on the street or is that just a tick-tock viral video? No, they caught the guy it was one guy It was like skippity toilet Man One guy you Batman conditions. He's like the arch enemy the Batman has to put no Batman personally which one The the kid's crusader the dark knight doc not wait.

I told an actor. He told about the actual bat actual Batman He's been on the show. He was a guest never from Hollywood never see him in general show never see him adjacent at the same time It's weird. Yeah, well, they need one in New York to fight the homeless You probably should be home.

I could call him in fact I'll reboot dirty hairy and make it about a homeless guy that fights other homeless Unfortunately on the shows on David even dirty your hairy. No, just dirty hairy. It's a reboot. It's not the dirty hairy Remember But still alive I mean that guy was in some good shape for quite a long time He was he was jacked and that was back before now you can probably still get there Yeah, but I saw him in person just about 10 years ago So he was already in his 80s and he had a helicopter to the appearance in Santa Monica from his home in Carmel Wait, you're yourself flew himself down the coast.

That's a man He was already down to go to that camp. He was in his 80s. Yeah. Yeah, I mean everybody ever worked with him thought he was a good guy I've never heard about it.

I never heard about it. Yeah, well the one wife and I'm not just under lock her name is mm-hmm We're friends with these daughter we were real issue daughter Sandra Locke. I think yeah I don't know. I mean I'm just gonna say that we go go.

Oh everybody needs to check out Kurt Metska special 30 minutes with on your YouTube page It's gas digital made a series called 30 minutes with I wish I've named it because people bring a new special called 30 minutes with like I named it that shit Oh, they just did that you should have said something I did look I make it my I have an outcome out called a special treat then do Then fucking shut up. It's fine. Well, well, self-conscious about it. It's very funny.

No special. I mean this title mountains Right, but now it's standing. It's a really good. It's too late.

I move on You're plastic You fuck that one Now, you know next time you have this opportunity You know you'll be alright Get another workload you'll be alright. There's tons more where this came from each and every week at our patreon patreon You'll be alright. Oh, you turn it off man. I can't live under these fucking conditions It really is like communist China.

We don't even have smoking on man. I play giant. Did you ever go try? Yep?

I was there when my friend jumped the great wall China on a skateboard. That's pretty cool. It was pretty cool I got a massage there by two ladies. That's cool.

I've disgusting don't die