Letting Go of People Pleasing

Meet Julie Reisler Julie Reisler is a master Life Designer® coach with over ten years of coaching experience and a master's degree in health & wellness coaching. Julie is the host and founder of the You-est You® Podcast, with over 230+ episodes, and is the founder of the School of Sacredology, a big-hearted community for individuals looking to live from their heart and soul and go from fear to faith. Julie has been featured in Forbes magazine, MindBodyGreen, The Chopra Center, and Thrive Global. She is also a prominent teacher and guide on the popular app Insight Timer and is on the faculty at Georgetown University in their coaching program. To learn more about Julie and how she might support you on your You-est You journey, go to juliereisler.com.   The Trap of People Pleasing If you're listening to this episode, my hunch is that either you or someone you love dearly has struggled with people-pleasing. Here's the thing, my friend, this one has deep roots and can wreak way more havoc than realized. Tune in to hear ways to let go of people-pleasing so that you can bring greater alignment, kindness, and healthy boundaries into your life. I share some of my personal struggles and learnings that I hope help you to make shifts and changes for your highest good. As always, take what you like and leave the rest.  The Question To Ask Yourself I have learned that one of my most stealth coping mechanisms since I was a little girl was to make sure I was doing, saying, and acting in a way that would make you happy and feel good. This kind of works-until it doesn't. In addition to it being a highly co-dependent way of being, it blocks you from being your You-est You because this people-pleasing behavior pushes you away from the core parts of you. The question to ask yourself that will help you feel into what you truly desire and align with is 'Is this true for me?' I want to give a huge shout-out to Rev. Frances Fayden (who has been on my podcast twice) for helping me to see this was missing in my own life. This question should be the new compass for all of us recovering people pleasers. After asking yourself this question, you need to get quiet, pause, and feel with your body wisdom what is true for you. Taking on this practice will allow you to build trust, faith, and confidence in your own inner knowing and body wisdom.   The power of 'No, thank you.' If you've read this far, I'm thinking we're cut from the same cloth. Saying no has probably been one of the hardest words to say out loud. I remember reading Shonda Rhimes' bestselling book, 'The Year of Yes,' and thought...I do not need a year of saying yes; I need a year of saying NO! I recently interviewed the lovely Kate Northrup, who talked about the power of saying no and doing less. Saying no is not going to feel normal and may be weird at first. At least it didn't feel normal for me. I have learned through tapping into my body wisdom, after asking myself a question about something I'm wavering on, that if I listen and get still, I will have my answer. Most recently, I heard the answer from within, and it was, 'No, thank you.' You can, of course, just say no, as 'no' is a full sentence in itself. I like adding the 'thank you' as it adds an element of appreciation, gratitude, and thanks. For me, this will be the year of no, thank you—such a beautiful way to set boundaries for anyone struggling with people-pleasing.   Kindness to yourself Ok, so I know our type - we try to be kind to everyone, often missing the most important person to show true kindness to -- ourselves. In addition to asking yourself, 'Is this true for me,' start incorporating the question, 'Is this kind to me?' Or better said, 'Am I being kind to myself right now?' As we know that all of our outer world reflects our inner world, it's time to start bringing the qualities we want to see 'out there' like radical kindness, compassion, and integrity, to our inner world. Often when we are busy people-pleasing, we forget to put our needs first but pausing to ask yourself these questions can help you set the intention to balance your needs and set necessary boundaries.   Final Thoughts Recovering from people-pleasing is a winding road, but with a bit of time and effort (and self-forgiveness), you can teach yourself new, healthier behaviors. Please let me know how you are being more true to your You-est You, what it feels like to say no, thank you, and ways in which you are being more kind to yourself, sweet friend.       Sacred Connection As always, this community is a sacred, safe place built on love and acceptance. It was created to help you evolve and expand into your highest self. Please share your wisdom, comments, thoughts. I love hearing from you and learning how you are being your truest, you-est you. Please join us in our Facebook group The You-est You® Community for Soul Seekers   Join host Julie Reisler, author and multi-time TEDx speaker, each week to learn how you can tap into your best self and become your You-est You® to achieve inner peace, happiness, and success at a deeper level! Tune in to hear powerful, inspirational stories and expert insights from entrepreneurs, industry thought leaders, and extraordinary human beings that will help to transform your life. Julie also shares a-ha moments that have shaped her life and career and discusses key concepts from her book Get a PhD in YOU.   Here's to your being your you-est you!   Enjoying the show? For iTunes listeners, get automatic downloads and share the love by subscribing, rating & reviewing here!   *Share what you are struggling with or looking to transform with Julie at [email protected]. Julie would love to start covering topics of highest interest to YOU. You-est You Links: Subscribe to the Podcast  Learn more at JulieReisler.com Become a Sacred Member at the Sacredology® Membership Join The You-est You® Community for Soul Seekers on Facebook Subscribe to Julie's YouTube Channel Book Julie as a speaker at your upcoming event Amazon #1 Best selling book Get a PhD in YOU Download free guided-meditations from Insight Timer Julie's Hungry For More On line Program (10 Module Interactive Course) 15 Days Of Gratitude To Change Your Life on InsightTimer