Lies We Tell Ourselves (Karl Krumins)

The talk focuses more on self-deception—not knowing we’re lying to ourselves—than on lying as intentional untrue statements. Little children do not lie to themselves. We learn lying from things society and our parents tell us that aren’t true. We may think our wants are needs. A lot of lying occurs because perception is limited. We selectively perceive things that have survival value for us and tend not to register other things that don’t have payoffs. The Work involves developing diffuse rather than selective attention if we gradually train attention to free itself from being magnetized by phenomena based on conditioning. Lies and self-deception are prevalent in relationships, business, medicine, school, sports, history, the news, politics, etc. Some types of lying include denial, exaggeration, minimization, restructuring, confabulation, paltering, and beliefs—which are ways of coping with mystery and uncertainty. A common belief is that we have free will, but we can consider the Buddhist principle of independent origination: the cause of any one thing is everything else. Comparison is an unconscious form of lying because everything is unique. Evaluative statements apply to a moment in time, but we’re constantly changing. The big lie is that we are separate independent entities. A way of working with kidding ourselves is to work with not drawing conclusions. We can see that our attention is scattered, return it to what we are doing, notice sensations in the body, and develop a witness function. We can have compassion for ourselves and others as we develop the capacity to meet others with greater honesty. Refining our attention will create greater self-honesty. Karl has been a spiritual practitioner for forty years. He lived in India for seven years and has a passion for considering the essential similarities of spiritual traditions.