Life After the Cows: Grief, Grit, and Finding Grace with Richelle

Guest: Richelle, Prairie Crocus Creative Episode Summary In this deeply moving and honest episode of Grit and Grace in the Heartland, Mary and Leah welcome their very first guest, Richelle, a Montana ranch woman, writer, photographer, speaker, and advocate for women in agriculture. Rochelle shares her personal journey growing up on a multi-generation ranch near the Canadian border, building a cattle herd with her husband, and ultimately facing one of the hardest realities in agriculture: selling the cows. Through drought, loss, grief, and major life pivots, Rochelle speaks candidly about identity, heartbreak, resilience, and the quiet strength it takes to keep going. This episode explores the realities many ag families live but rarely talk about, generational succession struggles, mental health in rural America, grief that doesn’t always have neat endings, and the courage it takes to tell your story anyway. What We Talk About Growing up ranching in northern Montana Life as a woman in agriculture and raising kids on the ranch The emotional reality of selling a cow herd Grief, identity, and “life after the cows” Why “they’re just cows” misses the point entirely Writing, photography, and storytelling as healing Building an authentic online community Why vulnerability matters more than perfection Mental health in agriculture and rural communities Suicide prevention awareness and QPR training Generational succession challenges on family operations Finding purpose when life doesn’t go as planned About Richelle Richelle is the creator behind Prairie Crocus Creative, where she shares photography, essays, poetry, and reflections rooted in ranch life, motherhood, grief, and grace. Her work resonates far beyond agriculture, reaching readers across the U.S., Canada, Australia, and New Zealand. She is also a certified QPR (Question, Persuade, Refer) suicide prevention trainer, passionate about helping people move beyond surface-level conversations and truly see one another. Richelle’s Books Anthology – A photo-driven collection of poems, essays, and love letters to ranch life and women in agriculture You’re Gonna Make It – A smaller, devotional-style book centered on hope, grief, and reassurance during hard seasons Both books are available on her website. Find Richelle Facebook: Prairie Crocus Creative Website: www.prairiecrocuscreative.com Find the Hosts Mary: gritandgraceintheheartland.com Facebook: A Tiny Homestead & Mary Evelyn Lewis Leah: Facebook & Instagram: Clear Creek Ranch Mom A Note to Listeners This episode contains honest discussion around grief, loss, and mental health in agriculture. If you or someone you love is struggling, please know you are not alone, and that life does continue, even when it looks nothing like what you imagined. As Richelle reminds us: “If you have to sell the cows… there is still life after that.” Closing Thank you for listening to Grit and Grace in the Heartland. Until next time, may you walk forward with both grit and grace. 00:00 Mary and I'm Leah and welcome to Grit and Grace in the Heartland. Good morning Leah. Good morning Mary. How are you? I'm good.  I'm excited. We have our first guest, a woman in agriculture, Richelle Barrett today  and she is at Prairie Crocus Creative  on Facebook and she's in Montana.  Good morning Richelle. How are you? Good morning. I'm good. Glad to be here. 00:26 I'm so excited to have our first guest. Leah, are you all ready for this? Me too. And this lady sets the bar high, Mary. So here we go. Well, Richelle, um what's your role as a woman in agriculture? So I grew up  on  the Caris Ranch, South of Haber, Montana,  which if you don't know where that is, we are just about 40 miles south of the Canadian border. 00:57 about 100  miles east of Great Falls, which would be our closest uh metropolis, I guess.  So I grew up doing all sorts of stuff on the ranch. I  rode and  loved doing anything with the cows.  When I was in middle school or high school, got into 4-H and showed. 01:24 and  really enjoyed showing steers  and my passion was showing horses.  I just really grew up, my mom was quite a horse woman  and so I really enjoyed being, once I got over being scared of them, I just really loved doing anything horseback.  And then I went to college for two years in Palo Wyoming and got a degree in horse training, came back home and got married to my high school sweetheart. 01:54 and went back to school at the local college here in Haver and got a degree in basically egg business. And  then after we got married, after  we'd been married for about a year, we moved back out to my mom and dad's place  and started kind of working into the operation. Over time,  we bought our own herd of cattle.  My husband started a trucking business where he was um 02:23 There are a lot of serendipitous, I guess, relationships that he made. He was hauling cattle and uh grain and hay. And so we really were involved in a lot every day. then once we had our kiddos, we  were both working full time in town.  And  it just got to be an awful lot. And my husband finally came back to work to my folks. 02:52 In 2014 or 2015, suppose,  and uh ran a trucking business.  We had our herd of and  we were in a thick bit. I've always had a job outside of the operation, but was able to work on the weekends and after work and all the things. 03:20 When COVID hit, actually ended up leaving my job in town and was able to find work from home, which was great because, you know, then I could go ride my horse whenever I wanted to, and I could help out during calving and averaging. So that was really, really great. Then in 2022, we had to, my husband and had to sell our cows. We had really bad drought here. 03:50 And we had lost one lease where we kept, where we summer pastured our cows like the year before. And then in 2022, where we were leasing, the other place we were leasing, there had been no rain, there was no grass. And so we agreed with the land owner that we wouldn't bring cows back down there and we just couldn't find anywhere else for them to go. So. 04:20 At that time,  we sold our herd because we didn't own anything within my parents' place.  We didn't own anything, didn't have anywhere to go with our cattle or anything. um at that time,  my husband went back to work  and off the operation. And so it's just been kind of a shift the last couple of years. um I had worked for my folks for a 04:49 for a summer and then just working with family can be really difficult. And we decided that it would be best if we, if I didn't just went back to working in town. And so that's kind of where we're at now. We're kind of in a holding pattern. Yeah, I still, as far as being involved in AgNow, it's shifted to, I have done a little bit of public speaking. 05:19 really passionate about helping women in agriculture tell their share, share their story, excuse me. Um, basically the more that I am around other families and women in aid, there's a very consistent theme of situations like mine that we really don't talk about. You know, we don't share about that hard stuff. Um, and it might not all look the same, but we all can understand how that feels. 05:50 And I feel like we have a,  my generation and generations coming up that have  some really interesting perspectives. And I think that it's,  it's going to be even more important for us to continue to share our stories like you guys are doing  and whatever that looks like.  it's just really important for me to encourage other people to do that. So  I  have my Facebook page. 06:18 and also my website, which is just kind of a reflection of the Facebook page. But I'm just trying to share. don't share a lot of um things about what's going on in agriculture because I'm not in it every day.  But I share from a different perspective of like raising kids and it's kind of in between situation. And um I think every story is important. So that's kind of where I'm at today. 06:49 Okay, as Leah gently schooled me back when I interviewed her for my other podcast the first time,  we are not supposed to ask how many head of cattle a rancher has.  But when you sold your cattle, was it a lot or was it a small herd? um It was a lot for us, considering that we didn't have any ground that we owned. 07:17 I don't want to say it because I can't remember exactly how many we had. But it was a lot. And I don't mean like four or 500, but I mean for a small starting out family for us, it was a whole lot of heartache, is what I tell people. That was the worst day of my life, to be honest. 07:45 So it's really interesting to be on the other side of that because I look back on things that I posted about before we got rid of our cows and how naive I was about, know, it just like, man, I could never imagine my life if I didn't have cows and now being on the other side of that and being like, holy crap, life still goes on. There is life. It's like life after love, I guess, you know, life still has to go on. It's just, it's just different. So yeah, it was. 08:15 It was a big loss for us. Yeah, I guessed that it probably was, but I wanted to confirm that because  a lot of people outside of ag don't realize how much heart and soul goes into whatever it is that you're doing in agriculture. Right. Yep. And it, it's hard, um, because we have several friends who  are our age and have kind of 08:43 You know, they're, working into their family operations. have their own herds and they just, they don't like my friends feel like they don't know what to say around me. Um, and it's fine better.  Um, but the first couple of years, you know, I was heartbroken and I know that I probably was not very much fine to be around because it just was like, I mean, it was like losing part of myself. 09:10 And that's hard to explain to people that aren't involved in it. I think because there is this idea, they're just livestock or, you know, they're, just, they're just cows. Like you can't really be that attached to them, but every one of them becomes a part of you and that part of your operation becomes part of you. And it's, it's like anything that you love. If you have to let it go, it's hard, you know? So trying to. 09:40 I've written a lot. I've had a lot of grief in the last couple of years that we've gone through. so m sometimes I feel like my Facebook page has become more about grief and like grieving and trying to get through that. But I think that that's just part of that process of like, there is life after we lose the things that we think make our, make who we are.  And so that's 10:07 That has been a big shift for me in what I share and what my quote unquote advocating for agriculture is because not everybody gets to remain on the family operation and for whatever reason. And so I think it's important that we have, that we understand that we're not the only ones going through that, also that other people realize that that is a, that's a truly life altering event. 10:36 So that's kind of where, I guess, the story that I'm sharing now. Fabulous. Leah, you got any questions for Rochelle? Hi. She and I could talk all day, and I have such a high amount of respect for this lady. Her Facebook page says, moment capture word Smith, chaos coordinator, speaker, and advocate. 11:02 One of the things I admire most about Rochelle is her ability to convey feelings with art, which are the gift she has with her camera,  through her lens, and also as a wordsmith. um I am blessed because I know Rochelle's personal stories,  the things that she's not able to write about for  any number of reasons.  But she's able to thread elements of those things  through 11:32 the work she does with her camera and with her words that  resonate far and wide with an audience that in some cases doesn't look anything like her. so  I think it would be fun for her to share a little bit about her audience  as it's grown over the years and maybe a little bit, a snippet maybe from  the audience that she has grown and gathered and the similarities and differences. uh 12:02 that are fun to share with our ag audience, as well as those listening in who maybe don't have an agriculture background to understand just how connected this community really is. So that's what I would like to hear about. Yeah. So, I apologize, my voice is trying to leave me here today. But when I first started blogging, I guess we'd call it back in the day. 12:32 Um,  I kind of started after my second daughter was born and my oldest daughter was a monster. She still is. God bless her.  Um, but she was just one of those kids who was into everything and it was just so funny, uh, without even trying, you know, so I started writing these funny little stories about her on my personal Facebook page, cause I just would get such a kick out of it or. 13:01 the things she'd say, like she'd be looking out the living room window and be yelling at the bulls  and um just these funny little things. And so I had a friend at the time that I worked with  who is an incredible writer and she had her own website and page on Facebook. And she's like, Rochelle, you got to start sharing this stuff. She's like, you're just really good at this. I people can relate to it.  So one winter evening in 13:30 2014, I remember laying on the floor after my girls went to bed and trying to figure out how to start a website.  And so I got that going and started a Facebook page  and which had a different name at the time. And it was like my mom and a couple of gals I worked with  and uh a couple of like obscure Facebook friends.  And I would share  just like it was 14:00 a lot more pictures with sayings at the time because I was like, don't know who reads this. I'm not going to put a lot of time into it. Well, then I would start to share some poetry or different things. And then of course, then we had more cows and we were busy  with that. The girls were getting a little bit older. We were able to come with us and do more on the branch. I had pictures from 14:27 moving cows and all just all the things. And so  the more of that that I shared and the more that I kind of just started like telling people what we were doing.  I had no intention  of like having this huge Facebook page. em I just shared because I thought it was fun. Like it was fun to share pretty pictures. And so over time, it has grown far more than I ever expected. m 14:57 There have, it has been a very interesting journey.  Um, when I was younger, I was a lot more uh willing to fight with people on the internet, I guess.  Um,  I remember there being things that I shared and people would, you know, how we all have those trolls or people that, you know, want to tell us how wrong we are. And I would literally lose sleep over it. 15:27 And I kind of finally had an epiphany like that was not what I wanted to do.  Um, I wanted to be a writer.  I didn't want to  fight with people online. And so I don't know, it's probably, probably around  2020 when I started working from home.  Um, I was actually involved. I was working for a,  like a agriculture marketing company online and. 15:57 I felt like by that time I had a much bigger audience and I really wanted to, I don't know, use it as more of a creative outlet versus being a regurgitation of what other people on the internet were already sharing. So that's kind of when it shifted from, I don't wanna say like, 16:26 I guess I just started sharing more of my personal experience and what I was going through. And I try not to just talk about cows or just the kids. I try to really, because everything is interconnected. And to me, everything in my life, it's all like a big pot of spaghetti, spaghetti noodles, and it's all interconnected. And so... 16:55 I felt like that really started when I started doing that and being more authentic to who I am and to what I really loved and could connect with people at what I call like this heart level. That was when my Facebook really took off. And then especially after we lost our cows, I lost my cousin in a tragic A to B accident.  My writing really shifted to a lot like I had said before to a lot of 17:24 grief, um dealing with that.  that  really, that was kind of when like, I think people saw me as a person versus just like this Facebook page. um And so it's been really interesting to watch.  I have people who I know have followed my page from  the very beginning, which is really crazy.  Like Leah, I mean, we've 17:52 know each other through Facebook for a very long time because of our cages. And it's been really cool because I've had a lot of opportunities come about because of sharing my story online. It's very intimidating. And sometimes I write things and I sit there and I pray about it and I think,  ah, I don't know that I really want to share this. And sometimes those are the ones that connect with people the most. uh 18:19 It can be really hard to be vulnerable online. And I am very lucky, incredibly lucky to have an audience that is extremely kind. I don't know how I lucked out because  it's not very, very common to have a page and not just have like vitriol and that kind of stuff,  which I know. 18:47 Leah sees a lot of that. And so I don't know if it's just because I... 18:55 don't share a lot of what's going on in the world. Like I share what's going on in my little world.  But I just have a really incredible audience.  so they're, you know, like this morning I forgot to post and I was like, oh no,  everybody's going to wonder what happened because I haven't posted in a couple of days. ah But sometimes I've also found that it's okay to take time away from it. So I have a really interesting audience. have 19:25 people that follow my page from Australia and New Zealand.  I have a lot of Canadians in Saskatchewan and Alberta because we have a lot of the same, you know, carving, ranching. m And I'm only  from our front door, it's about 15 miles to the Canadian border. So I like to see people that I'm basically Canadian,  but I'm not, but it's just, 19:54 It's funny how em people spread all over the place.  And I'm always amazed when people say where they're from and  why they're following my page.  It is really interesting. em But I am very fortunate to have a very positive group of people that follow my page. And that makes it worthwhile to me. And it makes me want to keep doing it. 20:20 Yeah, Rochelle, I'm going to jump in first. Again, I don't think you lucked out. I think you're a kind person and like attracts like. Mm-hmm. 100%. I appreciate that. I tried to. Yeah, and Leah and I have been talking an awful lot in our episodes about AI slop basically and how AI is hard to, it's hard to know what AI is when you look at it. Hard to, hard to. Yeah. 20:49 Hard to identify whether what you're looking at is AI or if it's real. And so Leah and I have talked a lot about being real. And I looked at your Facebook page and I looked at your blog and you're real. So that's, I think that's part of why, because that's what comes across.  And uh I hate being vulnerable on the podcast because every time I do it, I cry. And whoever I'm talking with cries with me and it's just a mess. 21:18 I'm probably going to cause it again.  I had a really good friend back a few years ago  and I met her when she was in her late 60s  and she passed away a couple years ago before I started my other podcast. So she never knew that I had become a podcaster. And  it makes me so sad that she doesn't, she wasn't around when I did it.  And she have  loved it. 21:49 Yeah, it's really hard to lose people who have made a huge impact in our lives. when the year my cousin passed away, we also lost another very dear friend of our family's. it just puts things in a different perspective and you realize how certain people 22:19 hold your families together or they are, you don't even realize how much impact they've made on your life.  And so. oh 22:32 I think, you know, when we lose those people, it just, ugh, it's so hard and I'm not going to cry. But yeah, gosh dang, I'm sorry. That is, it's really hard. You know, I think about my cousin, um, just kids were, mean, they're the young high school, middle school age and all the things he's missing out on, the things they're missing out on him. 23:01 my other friends, just the things that, oh, it just is so hard. And it just is so unfair. And I tell myself often, you know, when I get really down about having to smell the cows and stuff, I think, well, I still have my family, still have my husband, my kids are healthy, you know, there's a lot of people going through a lot, hurt or things. But then I also have to remind myself that our grief, 23:32 is it's important to you and the things that we go through shape who we are. it's, it's just part of us is it's eating. And so I really, I think that that has become just part of, it's become part of who I am. And some days I write about it and it's really raw and it's really hard. And then some days, you know, 24:01 It's just like anything, time  begins to soften the edges. But yeah, it's hard. You wish that those people could see what you're doing now, or  because you know that they would have supported that so much and they would have just thought that was the greatest thing ever. And...  she would have been my biggest cheerleader. And  I want to tell the listener that if you meet someone in your life who you think... 24:28 is going to die before you do, you're going to outlive them, and that makes you afraid to be their friend.  Don't be afraid, be their friend. Amen to that.  If I can interject, Mary. Yes, ma'am. One of the reasons that I appreciate Rochelle is, well, she's kinder than I am.  I've learned a lot from her.  And if I could be helpful in sharing things that Rochelle 24:58 just enough to share without betraying any confidences.  Statistically speaking, marriages and families don't survive some of the things that Rochelle has been through.  And I know people who have chosen to end their lives by losing their cow herd.  know marriages that did not survive that kind of stress. So  while there are many people listening who are 25:26 probably nodding their heads and understanding what I'm describing. There are definitely people listening to who, again, be like,  as she said, well, they're just cows. It's really, really hard to convey the depth  of those kinds of things happening  in a multi-generation family operation that change you forever. 25:54 I appreciate how Rachelle always says that that grief kind of softens around the edges over time. And still you are forever changed. And one of the reasons I love her so much is that she has chosen to use her own personal heartache to encourage others.  And she did not have to do that. She could hold it all close and not speak of it, or maybe hold it only close enough to her nearest friends and neighbors.  But she hasn't. She put it out there. 26:23 for the whole world to read about and understand in on her terms. And I am certain that she could write 10 more layers about it if she ever chose to. um But I can't understate. 26:40 just the amount of personal sacrifice to even tell such a story. em Because  that event for her family did forever change them  and so much more in her own personal journey as a female in agriculture. 27:04 The fact that she has chosen to use it for the greater good and helping encourage another who's walking in the proverbial same work boots  speaks to who she is as a person. And it is not easy because I call them the nosy neighbors who are always just waiting there on the sidelines to just see what you're talking about,  who have their own judgments, their own theories, their own ideas about why what has happened to you has happened to you and what you should have done about it. The woulda coulda shoulda. 27:34 who never offer to help you with any of it, but always have that judgment. It is not easy to do that. And what Rochelle and I have shared  with other writers, you we aren't writing for the people in our backyard. We're writing for all of the women out there, the ones in Australia, the ones in Canada, the ones down the road who are looking to feel a little bit less alone, who have walked the same hard walk. uh So I... 28:02 I just feel like it's important for our listeners to understand the depths of what Rochelle has walked through the last number of years and so much more, and that she has transitioned it into  two truly works of art as a way to express it and help others. Rochelle, are you going to maybe write a book or a memoir someday about what happened with you? Potentially. Maybe a long time down the road, 28:32 It's funny, the older I get and the more things that my family goes through. 28:42 I'm kind of a hold a grudge kind of person and I hate to admit that. I'm not as bad as I used to be, but it's a learned behavior too. Something I learned from a very young age. And the older I get and the more... 29:05 things that happen and the more conversations I have and the more I share on Facebook, the more I realize that there's always three sides to every story. you know, God's always somewhere in the middle of all of it, trying to teach you a lesson. so someday, maybe,  I  hate to,  it's hard because I, 29:33 I just actually, Leah just shared something  yesterday on Facebook about it was a gentleman had written about like family succession and how the older generation  sees  letting go.  They see it as losing everything and the younger generation feels controlled  and instead of. 30:00 feeling,  just to  make it concise, I guess. That article was so on point.  And so it's really hard. Like my story is my story. That's my perspective. It's what I've lived through, what I feel. m My parents' story is completely different because they're the way they see things, the way that 30:28 Um, even between my parents, it's completely different. So I think, and I think that's just why I share what I do because I understand. I understand that not every family is going through the same thing, but in some way we all kind of have the same, every generation kind of  can relate to, you know, certain things. em and I respect. 30:57 that my parents and my grandparents, like what they've gone through, I can't even begin to wrap my head around it because I didn't have to live through so many of those things. But it's really hard when they're not willing to step back and even consider, you know, like, we could do this and stuff. We're not trying to force you off the place or we're not trying to. m 31:27 make everything run it into the dirt. It's just, it's so hard because I think sometimes the generation gap can be so difficult to overcome.  And some families are really, really good at it. Some families have really great communication. In  some, like my parents' age,  generations are super progressive. They're super willing to change and try anything. 31:57 them or not. em So maybe in time, eventually,  I may write more about my situation. em But it's really hard, I feel like to not like I don't step on my parents toes. And it's not all their fault. They've done the best in a lot of ways they have done the best they can do with what they know, and what they're comfortable with. And I, I don't hold that against them anymore. It's just where do we move on from here? 32:27 And so like succession planning  and mental health especially is something that I'm  very passionate about. And  I'm trying to use my page and my words and even my pictures to try to just help people. uh Because I think that we are in a time where people are more connected than ever, yet we've never been  more isolated. 32:56 Like we self-isolate ourselves m because it's scary to have vulnerable conversations. It's scary to... 33:08 share when things aren't all roses. And  I don't know about you guys, but I don't think any day in farming and ranching is all roses. It doesn't matter how great the day is, there's always something that goes wrong. And  I just think that that's an important thing that as we're advocating for agriculture, eh that we find some way to do that in a positive manner  and to respect the generations that came before her. 33:38 but also encourage the generations that are coming up  and hopefully that we can continue to provide the opportunity for our kids. You know, I look at my kids and I think, I don't know. I don't know that they're going to want to come back to this because they have not seen a positive situation out of a lot of what has happened.  Um,  and 34:07 I've seen it with a lot of other families just in my area. You know, I think  I don't know, is it going to end with us? Is it going to end with my generation? Um,  which I hope not. I hope that in some way my generation can do a better job of, of being willing to communicate and being willing to try new things so that we can continue to have these places in our family for  many years to come. Because without that, it's just. 34:37 hard to, I don't want to think about it. I tell myself a lot that like, just can't imagine if, if those of us in farming and ranching family operations can't get our, get over ourselves or get, get our stuff together. Like there isn't going to be  family operations in the next couple of generations. Cause it's just, it's a hard thing.  Um, sometimes I envy people who  didn't grow up in it. 35:08 you know, who are starting out on their own because they don't have to overcome  their family, the previous generations. And sometimes I have found that to be the biggest challenge. um when you have, whenever things are on your shoulders, then you are the one that makes all those decisions. You do what's best for you. And that's exactly what our parents and grandparents did. And so, um, 35:38 Yeah, succession is really hard and it's something that I don't know. I would go through it differently. maybe someday I'll write a book that might help. But right now I'm just like, don't have a very positive way to spend that to help people. yeah, that's why I asked in the future. and Rochelle, I know you and Leah know each other better than you and I know each other. 36:05 But I just have to tell you, I'm so proud of you for getting through everything you've been through. Thank you. It's been a lot of tears shed. um Life  has to go on. You know, we just  pivot and  I fully believe that God puts things in ours, along our trail, in our cow trail. em And we just have to be willing to see it. 36:34 Sometimes it's not easy to see it or it's not easy to think what's qualified to do it.  mean, honestly, if you had told me 10 years ago that I was going to be speaking in front of people about our experience in agriculture, I would have laughed. I would have said, I think not.  And I've had the opportunity to do it a couple of times now. And from those experiences, it has brought me a lot of peace. 37:02 it has actually helped me. 37:07 work through some of my grief  and just knowing  that that other people are going through something similar  or you know that people can relate and you might not get to know the whole story but to be able to talk to other people even older generations I've had some older women come up to me and say you know I really appreciate you sharing  we're kind of going through something similar and you know 37:38 Sometimes just giving people a big hug and realizing that you're not alone in this has that can really  it's changed my life.  And so I'm very grateful that God has put that in. 37:53 along my cow trail and, um you know, just being aware of other opportunities as they come. Sometimes, sometimes the plans we have ourselves, most of the time, you guys know the plans we think we're making, God just sits up there and laughs and it's like, okay, watch this. You just have to be willing to pivot  and it's not pretty. Sometimes it hurts really bad and that's okay. 38:21 But you just have to know that there if you're going through hard times if if you have to Sell the cows there's still life after that, know, it might feel like life is ending it might feel like your heart  is  walking up on that cattle trailer with them  and If it takes a lot of time to get through that and it is really hard em But there's still life 38:51 after that. God has plans for each and every one of us. We don't always understand what that looks like. We don't understand why I can't just leave well enough alone. But honestly, I think of all the things I would have missed out on if we still had our cows and that's, you know, it's just like, you just have to take it one day at a time and know that everything is going to work out if you're 39:19 you're just willing to look for what he's trying to tell you. So that's what's gotten me through a lot of it. um And I just, that's what I try to share on my page is that it's going to be okay. It's going to be hard, but it's going to be okay.  She has a book that's even called that.  Okay. 39:45 I'm so glad that you have kept going, Rochelle. I think there's a song that says if you're going through hell, keep on going. Yeah. um So,  I was going to say something and I lost my turn of thought.  Rochelle, it has been a joy having you be our first special guest, because we haven't had a guest on the show yet.  Where can people find you? So you can find me on Facebook. It's  my pages. 40:15 Prey Crocus Creative. My website is preycrocuscreative.com. And I don't post on Instagram. I'm kind of taking a hiatus from that this year. But those are kind of the two best places right now to follow my page. yeah, you never know. You'll tell us maybe you're sleeping somewhere. 40:40 Right. And will you tell us about your books and also will you tell us just a little bit about the certification that you worked on getting? Oh, yeah. So  I have two books and they're like photo books, I guess, like a coffee table style type. I don't know what you need to call them that.  The first one is called Anthology and it's a collection  of um photos and poems, essays. 41:10 I love letters to ranch life and women in agriculture. That one I wrote before we sold the cows. So it's a couple of years old. You can find that one on my website. And then last year I put together a new one that Leah alluded to. It's called, You're Gonna Make It. It's a little bit smaller book, but it has pictures and... 41:37 and it's kind of along the same lines, but a collection of a lot of the work I've shared on Facebook, a little bit of some devotions. when I write, these things together, I think about essentially writing, telling, leaving something behind for my girls. And that's kind of how I approach them. And that's kind of how I approach a lot of my writing as well is like, 42:06 Um, for my kids  and my kids that I have adopted through 4-H, like you're gonna, it's all gonna work out. It's all gonna be okay. Um, so both of those are available on my website.  Um, and then  Leah, I'm assuming you're talking about the,  um, suicide prevention QPR. Yes. Yes, ma'am. Yeah. Yeah. So last year, um, 42:36 I went through QPR training, which is, stands for Question, Persuade and Refer.  And it's, it's not really what it is as it's intended to help people be aware of if you have somebody who's going through a difficult time, being able to  have a conversation with someone and ask hard questions like, Are you really okay? 43:06 digging down, because we all ask people, Oh, how are you today? And we all say, Oh, I'm good. And that's where it ends. so QPR is intended to help get deeper, I guess, past the superficial conversations, and to help people who may be going through a really hard time find some help, you know, like if you, whether you are 43:34 they're actually contemplating suicide, you help them get on the phone, like suicide hotline, or you you, you're just, help them. The idea is to be someone who can help someone going through a hard time get the help they need. I've had a sibling who committed suicide and have seen too many people that I 44:04 No,  either go through a similar situation or after working at the high school here in our hometown, like there's just  mental health issues are rampant in rural America, rural Montana especially. And especially with the things that are going on in agriculture, I think it's just really important for us to dig deeper than the superficial, how are ya? um 44:33 and being aware that it's okay to ask people if they're, you know, thinking about committing suicide. It's not, you're not accusing people of anything. Sometimes it's just people don't feel seen and we live in such an isolated world that we all carry an awful lot of, you know, we all carry grief. We all carry this luggage, big old 45:02 case the luggage with us of all these heartaches and things with us. And sometimes it just takes one person to ask a question for the dam to break  and to have a conversation. so that is, that is really important to me. And in which that like I am able to do talk to groups and do the training. And it's, I haven't had the opportunity just because the last year and half has been crazy. um 45:32 But I have that certification and I  highly recommend it. It's something that high schoolers can sit through. It's something adults, parents doesn't matter if you have kids or not. Whatever job you're working in, I think it's really important, especially if you're interacting with people in agriculture, just to be aware, just to be able to learn how to ask questions. em Because sometimes you just know when people are having a hard time and em 46:01 We don't always know how to navigate the human.  Humans don't always navigate grief and these things very well. yeah, em that's something that I did  and  have that knowledge and am very passionate about. Thank you for sharing that. Yep. I didn't even know there was such a thing, Rochelle, so now I'm going to go look it up later. Yep. 46:28 Yep. It's a, and there is also another one and I'm trying to of a blank, but I have not sat through that one, but there's a different program. It's like Comet Training, which is geared more towards producers in agriculture. And I have been his sat through that one. And I think that that's a really great thing too. It's intended to help producer interactions with each other. 46:57 and like your egg banker with your producers and that sort of thing.  there's a lot of, there are a lot of resources out there,  but it's just something that we have to be able to talk about because there's,  much,  that looks different, but we still need, no matter what happens, you're more important than  your identity in  operation.  so. 47:25 It's really easy to think that  when the cows go down the road or you have to sell the place, the home place that your life has ended, it hasn't. There's still life out there to live. And so it's important to be able to have those conversations with the ones we love and support them through these hard times. 47:48 So you see why I love her so much.  I do. How long have you guys known each other? Real quick. um I think we started interacting online  through another site we both were writing with and for maybe 2018. We have not actually met in person.  We did pass through the Denver airport within one day of each other last year, but we have not met in person yet. 48:14 Well, Leah, you and I have not met  either yet in person. And  honestly, I think one of the best things about the internet is that you make these soul connections because you connect through words or voice instead of by being in the same room.  Okay, Leah, where can people find you? You can find me on Facebook at Clear Creek Ranch Mom and the same over at Instagram where we just do rainbows and sunshine and mostly my cat George. 48:43 I love your cat, George. He's cute.  All right. And for the rest of this, you can find us  at gritandgraceintheheartland.com.  And you can find me at Atiny Homestead on Facebook. You can find me at Mary Evelyn Lewis on Facebook. You can find me everywhere on Facebook.  Rachelle, thank you again so much for being here. I loved having you. Thank you. I really appreciate it. 49:11 All right, in the meantime, have some grit and grace.