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I think it's either I'm sick again or I'm always sick. Like one sick, one sick sometimes more than. I think you have allergies. I think you really have hay fever.
You may not stick with like a virus. Well, I have like a headache and stuff, but my body feels fine. It's just a cold maybe. But you are.
You are. You are. You always been. You're a rip-ass.
You're a rip-ass. You have already. One time. And you loved it.
You didn't like it. Okay. I don't know if I should talk about this, but I tell you about what happened to me in the Lake City where we were in a city, Atlantic City. So I was with Carlos.
That's already a true story. And on stage, a lady walked up on stage and she made out with me. Oh wow. No, it's a part of the act.
Oh, okay. Women will come up on stage and make out with me. But they're like actors? No.
I don't know they're IMDB, but they're just like where you're people. I'm not part of the act then. So why don't I go, hey, what you're IMDB, you're an agent. They go, no, I'm an accountant.
And they go, oh, I don't know if you're an actor or not. Okay. So you're just making out with beautiful women. Anyway.
That was a story? No. Afterwards. In your face clock.
Geez. I was like, okay, we did it. Thank you very much. Afterwards, Carlos.
We're at the hard rock. And then Carlos goes, well, I meet with the girl afterwards and we're at the center of bar around the hard rock. And she's with her sister and the girl. And then Carlos and McCone come.
And then she starts to give them shots. You know what I mean? And then the girl takes a shot and then her face turns all pale and she has a cup. And first of all, I see like lime, lime, the meat of the lime.
The cold, the pulp. The bag caught the meat. Meat of the lime. Yeah, yeah, the meat of the lime coming out of her nose.
Oh my God. Isn't a full blown cucumber. I don't know where she ate a cucumber. And then like red vomit comes out of her mouth.
The shot was not red. No. So it's like food that she had like a beef stew or whatever or a jambalaya if I may. You know what I mean?
And so she vomits, brosiously in this cup. And we all go, oh, you know, what do you do? Jesus. We went, oh, you know what I mean?
I just farted garlic fart. Right now. You know what I mean? I just farted garlic fart.
Right now. You will. I've got garlic farts all night. You know what I had last night.
I had a fucking garlic bagel, but it was so garlicky that it infused into my stomach and my farts a long garlic. But you also eat like whole cloves of garlic. Yeah, but not last night. I'm just telling you the truth.
Don't just be me. Okay, so what happened with it? Anyway, it's a bomb. That's all of the thing with the jambalaya.
And you make out with it? No, no, no, no, you're crazy. No. Then they go, one more shot.
I didn't do that, but I didn't do that. Yeah, you know what I mean? She takes another shot and then she vomits again. Oh, okay.
And then right after that she tried kissing me. I did it. You took it. I tried, you know what I mean?
But I was like, this is disgusting. You know, at the same time. That's why you have the garlic farts? No.
Oh, but then it gets worse. Okay. So then I go back to my hotel room and I call this close to me. Like many hours later, like four in the morning.
He goes, they want us to come over to our hotel room. Oh my god, I'm kind of interested in that there. So Ethan Hunt, like, we should have a possible night. I don't want to go.
I'm still like, you know, get to get the taste of my mouth. We got to go, dude. We got to go. It's a guaranteed.
You know what I mean? Oh my god. I felt like I was in college. I never went to college.
Well. Anyway, it gets worse. So we get to the room. Oh, you go.
Yeah, of course. It's like 10 miles down the road to a different hotel. So it's like four, three in the morning. It's so cold.
And I go there. I'm sitting there. I'm going, why did I come here? She's a little friend who's a skater.
And she looked up to me with her fists like this. And I go, what's up? She's like nothing. And I joke.
If you're going to hit me, hit me. And she punches me in the face as hard as you can. It's happening. And the Carlos doesn't say Carlos looks at me like, are you okay?
And I'm like, I have my face is ringing. I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going. I go, we got to go. And he's with the girl's sister.
He's a couple of no, I'm in the car. It's cool. I got punched in the face. But why does she punch you?
That's still a mystery. That one of these. Was that her girlfriend? Yeah.
Was that maybe they were in a relationship? No, for sure not. Because then later she DM me. They punch you a couple of nights ago.
Oh my god. I was so sorry. I don't know why I don't know. She was drunk.
Yeah. Bobby, what are I mean? This sounds like fun if you were like, like you said in college. That's why.
Oh, I never went. I do it now. It's a problem. What's a problem?
It's a different part of life. It's a different part of life. It looks very different than yours. I know.
But you know what? I'm experimenting. Okay. I mean with different college vibes.
Wait, can we talk about your trip to Austin? Why are you there? Why? Can we talk about it?
Why are you there? Why were you, you guys were there too, right? Yeah. We'll have some.
How was it? How was it being on Rogan? Number one, it was nervous. I mean, the night before Theo and Whitney reached out and I go, I feel nervous and they go, it's just, it's just always like that with comics.
They feel a little nervous. What were you most nervous about? Certain things we talked about. But then, but then I was like, oh, well, I know him.
I've never so long, it'll be fine. And it was fine. I think it was more impressed by his club. I think the club was nice.
And it's what an incredible achievement. You know, Shane lives there now, Gillis. And I, I, I, I think I bought into it. Austin, thank you.
Everybody who listened asked me, yeah, is Bobby actually moving to Austin? Yeah, I bought it. Yeah, everyone was convincing him every day. Every day.
It was like, it felt like, yeah, maybe. Really? But I called Andrew and he goes, no, I go, no, okay. That was quick.
Wow. Because I have to do it. He has to go with me. It wouldn't be full time.
You just have a house there. Austin felt like, like, felt like a little LA. Like, everybody behind the scenes like that you saw at the mothership. Like, I was like, you're here too?
Yeah, a lot of young guys over there. There's a lot of people, I forgot that they were even existing. And I'm like, oh, you can hear. You know what I mean?
I thought you would quit or? I think they're, yeah, yeah. Is all his people are him. Little real hurry.
Is he here? What? Oh, it's. Oh, shit.
Careful. There's a. Whoa, dude. You look different.
A little bit. More handsome or something in real life. More handsome in real life. Yeah, yeah.
Little real, do you live far? I live in a wheeling heels. I live in more than five, four minutes. Yeah.
Oh, so you live in a nice house? That's a real good news English. Oh yeah, I remember that. You live in a gay community.
Gator, I'd hear you. So do you go to, what did I have in store now? What comedy clubs do you play usually? To my LA artist in general.
Listen, Jep, what's your favorite club you think? You know what, club I absolutely love is Nashville's bearings. That's a great one. Yeah, I love those guys, too.
I did a comedy album there. Oh really? Yeah, Dorford Brothers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Super sweet, and the staff is nice. Yeah, it's a good room. It's the audience, that's the audience. probably 12 years ago, I couldn't draw.
I only sold half the room. So my experience was different. You went in, they're like, oh, it's a movie star. Oh, no, no.
So when I first started Hitline, a lot of those clubs, it was like you say, like you have to give out the comps and all that. But then it's funny when the change happens. And it's like, oh, this is different now. You could see the change immediately.
I started with like, you're that good. I say you do really well Thursday, people start to talk about it. And then your shows fill up. And then your clubs will bring you back, because you're actually funny.
And then once the, I think Carmichael showed, I started seeing a little bit more, go and get out, came out, like night and day. But then it became an audience who didn't know I did stand up. Oh, I'm still that way. I've never done a special.
Do people have a special? No, so people come in and they go, say, I'm going to do comedy, and then when they see it they go. Oh, yeah, you can do it. Wait a minute, I don't have a special.
I've never done one, go. Why? I don't want to. Why?
Why question to you? Little Rose, why? Why do I do one? Why do you do one?
Give me a pitch. Give me a pitch. You're my agent. Oh, yeah, that's good.
Yeah, pitch, pitch, pitch. Yeah, if I'm your agent, that's the fucking thing. So you ring ring ring. Yeah, what's up, little Rose?
I love, first of all, thank you for signing me. All right, so you're like, you're signing. Thank you, sir. So you're going to talk to me about doing a special.
Why should I do one? Because everybody else did it. But what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, OK, I'm not talking from an agent perspective. OK.
As a comic, who's a fan of you? I think you should do a special. I would love to ask you why. Just convince me.
Just do it a mix tape. See, because you have, it's great that you haven't done one. And so now you can literally just do the best of what the fuck you want to do and it'd be the greatest special vote. I agree.
Yeah. But my point is what is the benefit. You'll be a fucking superstar. But I don't do I want to that.
That's a good point. Do I want that? Yeah. Like right now it's like, OK, can I sell out comedy clubs?
Yes. Yes. Without ever doing a status special, I can do it, right? And then it's like, and then I look at CO.
You're doing like Melbourne stadiums. I don't want that. You're so likable. If you did that, you will start doing like, but I don't want that.
I don't want to be you two or co-play. I want to be Fugazi. Why not? I want to be Fugazi.
I want to be extra rich. No, no, no. But look at that little house I have here, right? It's my house.
I have a great life. You're right. You know what I'm going to do. I think it's fear.
Fear. It is. It's lazy. It doesn't want to do acts.
You don't have to. You haven't done one. So all you got to do is do all the shit you've been doing. Right.
It's the best of your first one. I never once I put that out. I still have to write another hour then. No, but you have never done one as long as you've been doing comedy, which means you've got a shitload of material.
I don't know. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I mean, you've been doing?
I mean, like, all of my old shit, it's just like it doesn't work. Here we go. I said the best of the bastard. I said the best of the best of the bastard.
All right, the best of the best of the bastard. You know what you're best of the bastard. You know what you should go back to until I love you. Anyway, could we introduce you now?
Yeah, sure. We really don't know that you like it. I'm recording. I'll do that.
Go ahead. You're point. I think it's like it'll force you. You know that corner you've been to writing.
Tomorrow, I'm doing a new joke. I pray and prom. I have two shows in Austin to do a new joke. I'm forcing myself to do it.
Who's actually to do a special? Has Netflix approached you yet? No, I know what's asked. Nobody's action?
They haven't called my agent go, have they asked? So they already know that you don't do shit, so they don't even bring that to you no more. No, I tell them not to. Don't bring me up negative or positive.
Negative or positive. Just bring me up like, guaranteed. You know what I mean? So anyway, I'm gonna do one.
They call you and be like, how's the podcast going on? What you eating? Your age is called you with regular questions and like, would you ever get up with your ass with you? I don't talk to them ever about anything.
Jesus. So funny, I was on this phone early today, checking my team. I need more shit. I know I've done that before where I go, hey, I got nothing.
If the left of the speakers got nothing and they're like, oh, well, let's come in and do a, you know what I mean? Check in with us. So they bring all the agents and they have their notebooks and their pads and people like young guys I've never even seen before. Oh, this is our new guy.
You'll be grabbed from me. Well, Bobby, that's who you own actually. That's so interesting. Cause when I'm in my career, I can do kind of what I want.
And so for me, I like the younger energy at the agencies. Because they like looking at everything. Cause sometimes like, especially we don't strike for like nine months. So I kind of want to just do guest spots and stuff to kind of get back into being on set and acting again.
But the big guys only want to look for all the huge things. I'm like, no, give me some of these guest spots at the shows I like watching on television. Little, well, I can't even get the little guy to get me anything. I can get the dead man, anybody in the fucking mail room.
I just want to go into the city and then a year later, you look back, I got nothing. I think I'm not just going to do that anymore. Let me tell you something. People don't know this and I'm going to give out the secret.
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The really good agents, they have a book of everything. Like it's a book of movies. Stuff that's going to like, I never had my book of movies meeting. And in that book, it was Bird Box.
Oh, yeah. It was Uncle Drew. It was like six other things I did. It was in one book.
Yeah. OK? Yeah. Book of movies.
Yeah. Oh, I don't get a shot for stuff. No, you're actually shot. Because it's a book of movies.
It's a book of damn movies. I don't know. It's a book of movies. I don't know.
It's a whole thing. He pulled it out. It was like, this is the other kind of the movies. It's not.
I just say shit. Oh. He just opened it. It was a book of movies.
I'm not even lying about this. I believe you. Yeah. I just started pointing it.
I said the book of commercials. And I couldn't get any of that. I think this is a deal. I think what it is is I'm just, don't get me wrong.
I feel like I'm just old. You know what I mean? There's young Asian kids that are like what they want. And it's like I'm sitting on the list every time.
So I just kind of go, I like to know that I know that you're available. So now don't feel weird if it's a random call for you to be in one of my next things. Oh yeah. I'm serious.
I'm being real. I do. I thought you were just like working way too much. Well, I mean, I'm on Sex of the City and Reservation.
I do shit, but it's like, and I just got offered two independent movies, but it's like listening off like 25 days. The other one was anyway. Sex of the City. Yeah.
Yeah. No. Sorry. Wait, you're just going to say howdy.
How are we? How are we? Yeah. That was a really good joke.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I'm going to keep it in.
I'm going to edit it out. What was it like working with Jordan? Jordan Polde was amazing. He's a comic.
I like it last week because I'm on like a social media break. I gave myself a break. I've been on social media for the last three, four days. Was there anything that happened or did you just take periodic break?
It just felt like it's too much going on. And I felt like every time I grab my phone, before I look at anything, I text from my kids anything, I'm looking at Instagram and didn't make any sense. And so the last few days have been pretty chill. I found apps on my phone that I had.
It was like random game like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you know, it's been, so I've been doing that, but like, you know, I posted it a get out clip before I went on my break. Like, Jordan had me do all these old bits at the end of the movie. And most of the real I say, wasn't written here, just walk up to me and give me a scenario and then I'll just go with it.
And he'll be just cracking up, walking to the color. Okay, you're auntie single. Like what? Whatever that means.
You know, that was so much fun. We're doing that. No, because I only know him as an actor and as a friend. You know, I've never, he's never directed me anything.
What does he like to do as a director? Like, is his notes clear? His notes are clear. And he's, you could tell he's been on the other side of it.
And so he treats, he literally figured out everybody's process and work with all of us differently. It wasn't like this, you know, some directors like, this is the one way and I want all you guys work this way. He literally figured out all our processes and just like show love to it. And so like with me, my process was, well, you can do, you know, do what's written, then we'll do a real take.
And because you let me have that, I'll do whatever you want. Because you let me know that I could do something, if I figured, you want to do something on my own, it was cool. Yeah, yeah. I knew him when he had no car.
He would walk to Matt TV. Sometimes he would not be wearing only one shoe. He had no furniture, but he had like, he used to collect those, you know, like, you go to Hot Topic, you see like a porcelain white, you'd be scary like all, you know what I mean? He'd have a couple of those on a shelf, right?
He would just smoke weed all day. And we'd talk about video games. Like he got me in a Morrowind. And he was just, we were on a game stop.
I was just like, I'll tell you right now, man. You know what I mean? There's no way in your head you would think. Well, this guy is gonna be an ex-pielberg.
No, no, no, no, no, no. And then it's like, when I went to the no-premiere, and he went up and he did that little speech, and I was sitting next to Colala and I was like, I'm going home. And I cheered up. I was like, oh God, look at him.
Incredible. It's incredible. It's so funny. When he first told me about Get Out was at a party.
Wow. And I was like, I just looked at him. He was like, yeah, I wrote a horror for you. That's nice.
You know what I mean? Sure you do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And but it's so interesting because I look at it from that perspective.
I'm enjoying it in Montreal. Yeah. Years ago, we was drunk and one of those parties and just talking shit with two guys of glasses and fucking dumb ass baseball hats. I'm like, motherfucker.
It could have been a sketch. Could we just go? I guess this was going to happen. But that's where you got the movie.
You didn't get the movie when he got the movie. You got the movie years before at that bar in Montreal. He was just telling me what he was into. He was a fucking horror fan.
And then when you go back and look at some of the sketches, you're like, yo, some of the sketches were really dark. Oh, that sketch where it's like, Keegan plays an insult comic. OK. And Jordan is like, you know what I mean?
I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, you got to make none of me. You know what I mean? If you really think about that stuff, right? That sketch.
It's dark. It's messed up. It's fucked up. You know what a sketch?
Keegan's like an aerobic guy. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. What you want to know was that you were like, like what did the families did?
Oh, yeah. It's so sneaky. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Because you know what's great about those two, too, is like they're just, they live in two different worlds, the many worlds. They know so much about so many things. Like Keegan was a religious guy pasturing him. And he would go to Renaissance Fairs.
But he also can go to a hip hop concert. I mean, they just lived in different worlds. And they were so bright. They have so much information that it's just like, when they got together, everyone that they got together, I was like, oh, this is going to be bigger than way them or something like that.
Did you see that? Like you saw that they are like when, you know, a man TV. Was it? Did you see them too?
Like, so this is what happened. This is what happened. This is what happened. So Keegan, so I'm going to say this.
And he's going to call. This guy's going to call. I want to get back on here. Let me just check it out.
Aries, spirits. You guys are really prepared. No, I'm going to have an unprepared. That's true though.
So at the time, they hired Keegan and Jordan at the same time to replace Aries. Really? Yeah. OK.
And so they were only going to use one of them, right? But Aries was so fucked and negative. He's not like a Mr. like warm.
No. Yeah, he's got to come here and fucking yell. He's warm now. He's great now.
I think he's got this. No, just your perception of him. No, no. No, no.
No, no, no. No, no. I'm a fan. It was always even when he was being nice and filled, dark.
Yes. Anyway, so they knew. They're all right. So Keegan and Jordan band together.
So I remember one day we were at a table read. This actually happened. We're at the table read. And Keegan and Jordan tell the network, can we move the tables?
Because we, you know, when you do a table, you read a script, right? We're not going to read it. We're going to do it. And like we were all like, oh, these two.
We're going to do something. So they pull the tables back and forth. And they did this. They did the full sketch.
I forgot what it was. But I remember it crushed. And I remember, but I would look at them. And also that I would look at the areas.
And I would look at them. And I would look at the areas. Are you smiling? Wait, because I'm like, you're done.
You're going to go go like that. I mean, they were so good. And then every time that they would write a sketch, and they would just perform it. And I try to do it once in a bomb anyway.
But you know what my table says? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My thing was this. I would tape it.
I would do it. Like I would record a sketch on my little camcuda that I bought. And I would play like, just like, you know, that skeleton version of what it might be. So I tried different things.
But anyway, yeah. I was that expert. I was a big man TV fan. And so like, yeah, I was doing stuff that was so like, extremely classic.
Like that for real. Like it was kind of crazy. It felt like it was weird because it felt like you didn't, we didn't care if it was like fitting with SNL, even just a little bit, it was this own fucking thing. Like that shit was just hilarious all the time.
I mean, if you look at the magazine, it was a, the magazine was a parody magazine. Right. So it's like, it was more impression heavy. You know what I mean?
Well, supposedly on that TV. But I think once I got on there, I was like, ah, because you can't do nothing. Yeah. I literally can't do it.
Can you do an impression? I can do people. I've done people. Like if I say, yeah, like I can do it.
I don't know, man. Like Donald Trump can do it. Yes. Yes.
Yeah. That's it. That's it. That's it.
Right. It's fucking amazing. Don't worry. You did that.
Yeah. If you did that, OK, I'm going to do a facial thing. I'm going to do a present. If you could get it.
OK. Oh, Richie Nixon. Yeah. I got it too.
Yeah. I think I should say yeah. Pretty good, right? You got it, right.
You never looked so Asian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was bad.
Anyway, I'm going to do that. That's why it took a couple seconds. No, I knew it was Richie Nixon. Yeah.
So what if he didn't say president. It was literally like everything. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. They're like mostly every impersonation of Richard Nixon. Was that? Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Michael J. Fauff.
No, I was thinking. I was thinking. You're shaking a lot. Forget the shake.
Forget the shake. I'm nervous. Glee, forget the shake. I'm nervous.