Listener question: criticism and self criticism

Listener question: I *just* realized how personally I take my husband’s criticism of our home (it’s a mess). And that got me thinking that it’s not just his criticism but my own criticism from within about what it means about me as a person, a mother, and a wife that the house is a mess. How is our own self-criticism not personal?  Is it too just a learned pattern, and how does one learn that (or unlearn it)?