He's an option. He's an option. Jesus, don't cry. You can rely on me, honey.
You can combine anything you want. I'll be around, yeah. You will ride by the stars. Each one is a setting sun, yeah.
Don't know much about history, yeah. Don't know much about biology, uh. Don't know much about a science book, uh. Don't know much about the friends I took, mm-hmm.
But I do know that I love you, yeah. And I know that if you love me too, what a wonderful world. What a wonderful world. What a wonderful world this could be.
Body high, say don't you remember. Body high, the best day in September. Body high, never was a cloudy day. I want you to want me.
I need you to need me. I love for you to love me. I beg for you to beg me. Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you crying?
Mm-hmm, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you crying? Oh, feeling all alone without a friend. You know you feel like I, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you crying? Let's hear it all together, here we go.
I want, two, you guys start, two. He's an old chair, ba-ba-ba-da-da-da, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. He's an old chair, ba-ba-ba-da-da, ba-ba-ba-ba. He's an old chair, expert, ba-ba-ba-da-da, ba-ba-ba-ba.
He's an old chair, yeah, ba-ba-ba-ba. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Ba-ba-ba-ba. Oh!
Hello, hello, hello! Yes! Chicago, thank you so, so much. If anyone here is a devout armchair, you will know that Wobby Wob is from Chicago, so it's a coming home for Wobby Wob.
Wobby Wob, come out. Say hi. Look how cute he is! Oh, yeah.
But it was his birthday last week, so I just want to say again, happy birthday to Rob, and also, we just love this city. We're so grateful to be here. We were here last year around Christmas. It was fun.
We had a Christmas tree, but now we're here for summer. So, next I want to bring out a very, very special lady. She's so powerful. Even though she's miniature, please welcome Monica Padman.
Give it to her! Woo! Okay. Chicago, we love you so much!
We love you. This is the best place to do a show. It is. We are here with the graciousness and the generosity of the Chrysler Pacifica.
Now that is the vehicle. We are on the Pacifica Midwest Tour, and we are driving the shit out of those minivans. It's a great van. Yeah, you can't even stay awake in there.
The comfort level is off the charts. Okay, also, the very kind folks at Lazy Boy, they give us our furniture, and we donated the Habitat for Humanity, so thank you for that. Yeah, thank you, Lazy Boy. So, I know Monica makes fun of me about my superlatives, and then I give out these ranks too easily, but this one's for real as shit.
This is the funniest real-life person I've ever worked with. He is a son of Chicago, in sorts. He was a transplant. He's the funniest man on two legs.
You've probably heard him say whammy a time or two. Dave Koechner, please, come on out! Yeah! There it is.
Get in it. What comfort am I sitting on? I know, isn't it? Isn't that a nice sofa?
Make yourself comfy. Get comfy. So, Dave, before we jump into it, I counted up how many times we've worked together, and it came as a bit of a shock to me, and now I'm including your talk show that you did where you interviewed people at Denny's, which was a great concept. It doesn't compare to the comfort level of Pacifica, but a very nice place to be interviewed.
Including that, how many projects do you think we've done together? Six. Eight. Wow.
Eight things we've done together. I've worked with you more than any other actor. Absolutely. So, Dave and I met here in your beautiful state of Illinois.
We were both held up at Corporate Housing in Bolingbrook, Illinois. If you guys don't have summer plans yet, and you're looking to take the family somewhere, really fun and exciting, just hop on the highway. It's a two-short-hour ride in traffic to Bolingbrook, and we met on a movie called Let's Go to Prison. What I'd heard about you before we met from Amy Poehler was, oh, you're going to work with Dave Koechner.
I'm so excited for you. He's the mayor of wherever he goes. That's your nickname, right? You immediately set up shop, and it's, you're running the show.
Do you say that's accurate? I'd say it loud. Well, you're the most stylish guest we've ever had, I'd say, right? Dressed to the nines, as we said.
What kind of animal do we have on those boots? This is Piruuku. It is a 15-foot fish out of the Amazon River. Whoa.
You know, when I look at those boots, the first thing I think of is, that's not a noise. This! Laser boots. It's not a gator.
It's a fish. It's as if a gator and a catfish made it. Oh, I'd love to see that. Yeah.
I didn't catch it. Everyone goes, you caught it. That'd be a great story, but no. Yeah, I hear gators are very tender.
Lovers. You know so much about animals and their sex lives. Animal husbandry, yeah. I want to give Padman the respect and admiration.
Oh, thank you. Yeah. Look at this gentleman. Look, I've had the smarts to hook my train to a couple of locomotives.
One was Kristen Bell, and then Monica Padman, and she took over. Yeah. I love you, Dax, and you know that, but I've got to say, the view's much better this way. Why do you think I'm fucking facing this way, Kegner?
You guys. Dave and I are currently on a show together called Bless This Mess. Dave's my favorite part of that show. Not even so much for what he's doing on the show, but what he's doing at work.
He yells at everybody that's working, incessantly, and it's all in good humor, but this is what they'll be about ready to roll. They'll go, you know, rolling, speeding, and you hear Kegner, gang, everybody works on this take. If you see some cable, wrangle it. No leaning, and no one look at me.
Shut your eyes, turn the camera on, walk away. And then to the guy, hey, real soft focus on me, guys. No edges, all right? This is a blob.
Yeah, you're preserving a brand. So, real quick, let's go to prison. We're filming at Joliet Prison, which, ironically enough, is a beautiful building. No, it's got some, like, prairie craftsman touches.
Remember the walls? They're beautiful. It's all brick. Now, let's just step inside.
You're like, oh, this is a house of horror. Sure, sure. Yeah. I just want to say, I had a shower scene, and it's like, you're acting, you're acting, you're acting, and all of a sudden, I hit you.
No, this is a real shower where hundreds of thousands of men have seen horrific things right where I'm standing, and things have gone down this drain. Yeah, yeah. Are you seeing all my ankles? Can I have my flip-flops on?
That's the kind of experience. Sure. And remember, there was a, the oldest prison in the country was inside that prison. It was a prison built for inmates in the Civil War.
Oh, really? It was very small. I didn't get that tour. Who took you on this tour?
You know I like to talk to people. You do. This is, again, a testament to what kind of guy Dave Peckner is. He will know everyone's name in here before y'all leave.
That's a certainty. He knows every single person's name who he's ever worked with, and I truly admire it and applaud it. You talk to everybody, you make everyone feel included, and you're just a genuinely wonderful human being. You're also a scumbag like me, which is why we're friends, so.
We do have a lot in common. Yeah. Let's start with looks. Yeah.
Roughly the same frame, medium build. Well, you are the same height, it seems. Same height. Yeah.
There you go. Same height. We're thinkers. We're intellectually curious.
That's right. So I think that also binds us. Yeah. We met, and I, of course, had already seen you in Anchorman, and you were absolutely hysterical, champ kind.
Whammy! Oh! You could sit next to my ear while I slept and shout it over and over again. I'd wake up and still be in the mood for more whammy.
But I'd seen you in that, and I thought you were hysterical, and of course, I remembered you from Saturday Night Live, and I thought, God, I hope this guy likes me, because I was new on the scene. Here's the thing, gang. Guys, guys, gals, gang. When we get to work, it is play.
Remember, it is called a play. It's called a teleplay, or a screenplay, and the operative word, play. So the days we're working, we're playing, so I'm happy any day we get to play. I just thought, you're a real comedian with real street cred, and I'm a guy that was on MTV, and you're probably wondering, why is that guy number one or two on the call sheet, whatever I was?
That was the baggage I walked into it with. Well, see, I make no judgments. To me, honestly, Bob Odenkirk was directing, I'm like, this is going to be fun. I did already admire you, not as much as I've come to, but I was like, this guy gets it, he does it, and you're an improviser, and you improvise all that stuff on Punk, which is really remarkable.
And you're so grounded and real, you didn't play with a wink all the time. You're just real, and so I thought, you know how to do the jokes. To a fault. That was the first time I was in a movie where I was like, I'm going to really try not to be funny.
And I was like, oh, real actors do all these things. I imagine not a lot of prisoners are left-handed and creative like me. And so I'm like, I'm going to be right-handed in this movie. It's my big actor's choice.
Guys, this is like a year into me getting hired. Give me a little slack. I was trying to do my best. And I made the decision I was right-handed, and then I never practiced being right-handed.
So we have a scene with Michael Shannon, who's a bad motherfucker. Me, you and Will are goofballs. And Michael Shannon's a for real no shit Academy Award type of brilliant actor. I don't know why he was in that movie, to be honest.
But he's playing a Nazi, and he comes over this fucking set of picnic tables, and everyone's scared, and I'm supposed to be taking a bite of food. Again, I've not practiced with my right hand. Oh, my. And I'm just like talking to Will.
I'm like, yeah, and I told this guy, and I literally stabbed myself in the eye. I tell him to all of you to just try to take a bite with the wrong hand tonight. It's harder than you think. And I stabbed myself in the eye, and then we had to shut down for about 20 minutes while my eyes stopped watering, all because I was right-handed in the movie.
Because of a single human being, it was like, the details. This guy's got the details. It was an early movie for Mike Shannon. Oh, yeah, yeah, because he only was doing plays here.
He's done a ton of stuff here in town. I remember once, I saw him in a zoo story. It was a downstairs, I think, is Cafe Voltaire still around? No?
Okay. There used to be a downstairs, people are still talking. You had a short answer, it was no, and this guy goes, no, what happened was. Well, September 8th, it was cloudy, I remember.
Like the fucking debates last night. As long as one of them wins, I don't care. If anyone, you know, if anyone is unsure about how to vote, just get a mail-in ballot, send it to my house, I'll fill it out. Oh, there we go.
I like that. Better yet, care of this podcast, we're going to get so many. Oh, my God. Send it to our P.O.
box. I think that constitutes voter fraud, which I would have thought was a lie, but now we'll prove to be a real threat to this democracy. We'll put something like, they're hearing impaired, I had to fill it out. Oh, we're like an advocate, an advocate for these.
You get it. Over-impaired people. This guy gets it. We will get back to Let's Go to Prison, but you did watch the debates.
Most people watched the debates, they did very well, it destroyed my game show. Whatever. I took one for our democracy. Monica and I were watching it last night, and out of nowhere, I was like, how big are Bernie Sanders' hands?
Did you notice that? They were as big as his head, yeah. And this is my conclusion I drew. Controversial.
Yep. I'm far left of Bernie. Oh, Jesus. That's lonely over there, huh?
I'm for redistributing the wealth. I'm fine. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
What I admire about this guy is he is not afraid to be contrarian. He's fearless. And there's a consensus. He's like, no.
No, no, no. I said to Monica, here's the controversial takeaway. I'm like, no, why is this guy so confident? He's got 12 inches of flaccid dong in his pants.
Yeah. Yep. Like, you guys see a grandpa. He knows.
Hell care is all right. It's not him. Anyone who's got 12 inches of flaccid dong is not afraid to speak up and go, no, you're wrong. He's like, oh, there's two inches of flaccid dong.
It takes two Viagra to get that thing. If he gets fry up this, he'll die. An erection lasts more than four hours. There'll be no blood elsewhere.
So what if his campaign was just Bernie Sanders? I'm hung. I'm hung at half-heart all the time. I'll give this country multiples.
What a wonderful rumor we started about him. He'll like it. I'm sure. Yeah, vote.
That's a long way to say vote. Yeah, please do. So, Kepner, you are from Missouri. Yep.
And we have to apologize now when we say you're from Missouri. I said I'm from Missouri, but I'm not like that. Oh. Because, you know, they just tried to shut down the only abortion clinic in the state.
It didn't happen. It didn't happen. Bernie Sanders pulled that hog out and started smashing the sense of people. Who wants this?
I'll show you what a public example is. It's a woman's right. So, horrible legislators. Horrible legislators.
I don't know if I mention this. The worst legislators. Because they're all trying to race to get their bill to overturn Roe versus Wade. Hold on.
Are you running for fucking president now? I love you. Late announcement. I like it.
You're actually the perfect person to get into a screaming match with Donald Trump. Hold on, gang. Folks, guys. All you have to say about Donald Trump is, would you let this man...
Fill in any blank? Yeah. Would you let this man coach your six-grade girls basketball team? No.
Would you let Battle O'Rourke? Yes. Would you let Kamala Harris? Sanders, no way.
I don't need that anywhere near my daughters. Hey, Bernie. Bernie. No shorts.
I don't wear the little pants like a leader. I've never tried a Bernie Sanders impersonation. I can do like a 40%. It's pretty good.
You're really leaning in. Your father, though. Yes, Cecil. Cecil.
Cecil, can I bring up? Is that my dog? No, Dex. You like cars.
Yeah, yeah, Cecil, I do. Yeah, you just drive a little too fast. Oh. I'm sorry.
I'll try to slow it down. You don't have to apologize to me. You don't apologize to the parking lot. That'd be a Cecil.
And then here's the thing. And I do this, because I did it to you tonight. Here's the thing you always do. Immediately change your name.
Oh, good. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I did that to you.
You did. You called me Mona, right? Which I kind of liked. I put a special nickname.
Was he doing it like a term of endearment? Okay. It was a joke. Oh, it's a good one.
Well. It is. But when your voice goes up like that, it's a tell. It's a good one.
I don't want to pat myself on the back, but I referred to Nick Lachey in an episode of Punk as Rick Lachey the whole time. And I got to say, it's one of the funniest things I did. All I did is I took that in and I threw an R in place of it. Did you ever notice it again?
Yes. I would go, listen, Rick. And he'd go, it's Nick. And I just look at him like, I don't understand what you're saying.
By the way, you pointed it out earlier today. It's a powerful response. It's just to stare back at somebody. It makes you go crazy.
Like, if you say something to someone and they just stare at you for a while, they're like, wait, I must have said that wrong, because that's a bizarre response. But he designed chicken coops. Turkey. It's okay.
Foul coops. Okay. Nope. Specifically.
Okay. Here's how I start. My dad built livestock trailers. Because you've got to give people the visual So I'm going down the road On a 40-foot flatbed trailer Because if I say turkey coops I go, oh, something for the backyard You guys must be busy at Thanksgiving Like, all right, you're letting me know That I will never have a longer conversation with you In my life Which is good That would weep out a lot of people Sure, it's a litmus test Okay, so, livestock trailer But these are specifically cages Eight feet tall There's 188 cages on a 40-foot flatbed trailer Building four quadrants Okay They're anchored to the trailer, obviously Right, but he built this business Over your childhood, right?
He wasn't born into this Chicken coop empire Turkey coop Dax Do you work a ton? He must have worked a ton Probably 70 hours a week Yeah There was six of you Three boys, three girls Well done Cecil, Margaret Ann Mark, Mary Rose, David, Cecil, Joan, and Joe Oh, no, what are your good names? You had fucking 80 siblings Now it's 36 first cousins on my dad's side No Wow A little bit Catholic And you know all their names? Oh, Jesus, Monica Well, I had to ask I don't know how boring we want this show to be Well, the goal is to fall asleep mid-show We cater mostly to Insomniacs like myself You're doing pretty good Because I'm nearly there Well, with his comfy couch and all Oh, my God The physicality I'm not seeing a more elegant man in my 44 years If Gucci was a human, it'd be you Okay There we go Get on your feet There it is Oh, what's up?
Shit, there were stairs here earlier I had them removed for this exact reason Does anybody here know what a farrowing crate is? All right Oh First of all, I love you What is it, sir? Where the sow gives birth to her pigs Where the sow gives birth to her pigs Now, what it does is It holds the sow in this narrow corral But here's the thing A sow will roll over and mash her young ones Also, when they need to suckle You put her in there so they can suckle Because she's so goddamn lazy She's like, ah, fuck it It's almost as if she's listening to an episode of Armchair expert In the best possible way Where are you from? Ohio Small town You live in St.
Louis now? Hold on, we'll get to all of you Oh, boy The guest has become the host You got your arm around that guy Like she's a hostage Are you okay? I don't know what happened I thought I was watching an episode of He-Haul for a second I'm not sure that you are Now, with six kids in the mix And you're in the middle, right? The older ones, the teenage ones And the littler ones Are taking up a lot of the air in the room, aren't they?
Yeah In the middle, a child can get I can start using cow terms Did you feel a little lost in the hustle? Did you want some attention you weren't getting? You think I got my attention? No Well, I started acting up in school, that's for sure I realized early I can make people laugh I remember in third grade Mrs.
Powers' class It was wintertime This was the first comedy bit I ever did On stage It was a Friday It was wintertime So we already had our winter coats on Waiting for the bell And we had a couple more minutes And so Mrs. Powers goes Does anyone want to come up And do anything or tell a joke? And I'm like, yes Finally, finally When is school going to get with it? All you heard was Does anyone And then you were already moving To the front of the class So I didn't know what I was going to do So all I did was I got the guy who was the easiest And biggest laugh in the class My mark, Bob Bestian I had to come up and sit down And he's laughing already Then I took my hat off My stocking cap And I shoved it down The front of his jacket And then I pretended For a full 30 seconds Where's my hat?
Oh! That's great! You know one of the earliest comedy bits Where's my hat? Yeah, classic Where's my hat?
By the way Not to bring it back to Chicago But didn't we play that game On the playground In the wintertime with the hats And you go What happened in Chicago On 1836 Or whatever fucking year it was And then you take their hat And pull it over their eyes And they go The lights went out Am I the only one that played That weird game? I didn't even know what year it was No Anyway, it sounds in the same family Of jokes that you were telling A lot of hat comedy Continue to tell So all I did was Rifle through his jacket Trying to find my hat He was laughing So they were laughing at that Thank God the bell rung Because I did not have an out Sure, oh thank God You didn't have a black outline? I had a similar thing Where I kind of discovered Oh, this is fun Part of it was I really wanted attention My brother was like a preteen And a baby sister who's here Carly, I love you so much You look great Carly! Carly's here She's up there On the very, very back One of the appeals was just attention But then the other appeal Because I think I had anxiety About my world Was, oh geez I have the steering wheel now I have control I can steer this whole experience This is empowering I have a voice Did you remember feeling that?
I think that is what it is The attention I do believe Drives the motor a bit But then if you're well intended Then it's not about you necessarily It is about us And you go on a conduit To perhaps us recognizing a thing That is funny Which is me Right, right You know like When I get into an elevator And there's six strangers I am like I am overwhelmed with the awkwardness And I'm just thinking Well who's going to solve this for us? Somebody's got to say something We can't stand in a box Yeah I know And pretend we're alone Right So I will say something Or I'll fart I'll do something To alleviate the extreme awkwardness That's happening Right, you take on the weight The pain The pathos The pathos The pathos Jeff pathos Pathos is worse It's worse than pathos It's worse off Oh, wow Pathos is you know Like a sad wet dog Right Right, yes But pathos is A grandmother Who's lonely And it's Easter weekend And her family didn't come Okay And she's in a rocking chair And she's holding a A mug that says World's greatest grandmother Oh, man That she purchased for herself Yes earlier At a county fair And then she still has An answering machine If you hear the answering machine Click on And it's her grandkid saying Sorry grandma But we're not going to make it Again this year And then the mug crashes To the floor And then on the television You hear the final two shotgun Blast from Old Yeller They had to put the dog down Spoiler That's pathos May we all find ourselves In that situation At some point Stay tuned for more live show After this exciting commercial break Alright, well I'm going to Skip right ahead to You majored in poli sci And I was going to ask why But with your little preamble About politics I guess I understand You just always were Very interested in politics Always interested in politics I thought I could make a difference But I really believe too Because I grew up in As you know, Tepton Before the internet You had to read books Boring Yes, thank you Okay, yeah, yeah Books might be the key to life Who needs it? I've got Snapchat That's right Snapchat So many things there Wrong name Out of business It's not I had a desire To be an actor But who do you tell? Because in small towns You don't tell dreams Yeah, because it seems Like you're arrogant, right?
Who the fuck are you? Go weld some turkey coops Nice Got it right Where are we? Poli sci I'll get to this eventually I just want to get back To bathos at some point Oh, he's going to Fucking stick bathos Right up our buns By the end of this He just planted a little seed That's going to Grow into a beautiful Bathos bush What was the other one? Chat roulette?
Oh my goodness I looked at it once It's like just a bunch of dudes Waiting around To get a glimpse of A boobie Or some dude jacking off Real high probability Of seeing a dude jerking off Not as much as you'd like Anyway I had no access To how to figure out How to become an actor Did you go to the University of Missouri? I went to Benedictine College In Madison, Kansas For two years I doubt it But anyway Not likely Okay I went there for two years Poli sci major Then I went to the University of Missouri Which is where I wanted to go In the first place Yeah M.I.C. Wow Delivered But again We're not from there Not only did they close the clinic But three years ago There was an NAACP travel warning Okay If you're black That's not what you want That's not what you want Do better So anyway I knew what Second City was I read a bunch of books About Saturday Night Live About John Belushi I knew they went to Second City So I drove up with my buddy Mike Schollmeier We came and watched a show On the way down stairs Because it's on the Second Level I noticed there's this big sign up there They had classes I'm like oh my god That's how you get here So then I saved my money I came up and took a Two week concentrated course That summer And I saved more money And I came up So I owe Improv Olympics Who are some alum of that I was here during a Ten year growth period I had dinner with a guy Named Bertie Sollins Who started the Second City And he said that he had never seen A confluence of talent Like had been there The previous ten years Mike Myers, Chris Farley, me Dave Keckner Dave Keckner Tina Fey, Amy Poehler Rachel Dratch, Horatio Sands Jon Favreau The list goes on and on Andy Richter I had to write this list down It's so deep So some of these people Are also doing Second City Yes Del Close Yes He started IO No, Shana Halpern started IO Okay Yep She basically brought Del Back from the brink of nothingness Because he wasn't doing anything And so she put him as the Basically the brain for the place The intellectual master The draw Because he was incredible and immense You studied under him I studied with Del When you studied with Del There was a reverence I used to compare it to If you were training for the army And you're on your stomach Crawling forward under barbed wire And there's live rounds going past you That's what it's like That's how he taught you That was the gravity of it Because you didn't want to fuck up You wanted to be good The basic thing about Del For him, comedy was a religion And you don't disrespect it And you don't treat it cheaply That's cool That's a great way to enter And it was very, very important And so how then Did you also do Second City? I was just taking classes At the same time there And then you ended up In one of the touring companies Yeah, so you did have to audition for that So I did levels one through five And I continued to do stuff at the I.O.
And I would audition Here's the thing I would audition once a year For a job You're not going to be very good at this If you do it once a year And it's something you really want Yeah, if in the 90s You auditioned ten times That's an issue Yeah, yeah Over the course of a decade So I auditioned twice And I didn't get in And I thought Well, I guess maybe this isn't for me But I knew I was as good As the people that were there And there was some political stuff That was going on That probably prevented me From maybe being hired earlier But I'm not going to get into it Because then you have to name names And get kind of petty about So I'm not right now So anyway I finally got hired To the touring company And then I think Within the first year I got into the company That used to be out Near Schaumburg Which is closed now Second City Northwest I was the one that closed it You're welcome I interviewed Seth Meyer What's the name of? Bang Chicago in Amsterdam Is that what it's called? Boom Boom Chicago Boom Chicago I do my improv too I'm going to tell you guys They discovered backstage That they have the same birthday And there's been a connection Ever since August 24th Birthday buddies You can send the presents Forever I will call you On your birthday Send it with your Voter registration card And the presents But it's a conducive Lifestyle to party Yes What is it? I mean there's so many Layers probably But let's just say I have to imagine There's a disproportionate Amount of partying Among comedians Especially the Chicago comedians Feathering your cap I mean Belushi set the bar For a lot of people Yeah Chicago goes hard And deep Yeah Like Bernie Sanders Gonna come back two more times Just be patient Hard and deep They go Sanders style Padawan Padawan has had it Quick strike bar Is that what your nickname No one ever called you Padawan Yeah we love Star Wars We're Star Wars No one's ever No one's ever monikered you Padawan No You need to know your friends Tomorrow get to know your friends I will I'm kidding It's a great franchise It's wonderful But Yes drinkers Chicago hard Wide and deep And again the next day Certainly a drinking culture Among comics Yes Absolutely Do you have a theory on it?
We'll come up with one Okay Hey let's take why a person Drinks to excess in the first place I think you're trying to regulate Your insides with some external thing Because you don't love How the internals feeling Unless you're a pussy And can't handle feeling bad That's my case I don't think we can say that Because then that's going to cause Those that might be on the edge To drink more I'm not pussy Am I right? Why are you drinking? I don't know pussy drink I thought you were going to say I was going to say pussy Which I'm not But Dave Brown corrected me So I'm sorry Because we can both agree That a pussy is the most powerful thing On the planet Sure absolutely Yeah Yeah So I think You're scared You're on a scary endeavor The odds are very stacked against you If you pursue a pain career in comedy You're pretty aware of the odds But I think yeah That might be the starting point for everybody Is like you want to tap down All that pain Right And then also I'd say Perhaps in comedy It's a challenge to your body Yourself and your mind And then oftentimes You're able to really Get to the heart of those emotions Though even that's in a denial state Yeah There probably is some type of Ironic bonding Yes Also I'll add that It's a job that you're going to Fucking fail at So hardcore The level of embarrassment You'll experience as an aspiring actor Or comedian is mortifying It's not like if you're a welder You'll eventually weld in front of somebody And put the fucking rod in your mouth And let your head on fire But as a performer You will do something that far off From the objective Yes And you'll do it many many times Yeah That's a little hard Have you ever bailed out of an audition Oh my god Here we go The Larry Sanders show Yes The great Larry Sanders show There was an episode Where they had their doppelgangers And so I went and auditioned For Jeffrey Tambor I'd never seen the show Not a great help for me I was auditioning for Hank As the doppelganger show And I'm eating shit Just nothing in the room No laughs I had to replicate his rhythms And the whole hang out I just didn't have it Because I really worked Not at all on it Turns out it doesn't help That's not excellence Gary Shandley sits there He goes Wow I don't think I could do that I mean you You kept going And he wasn't being a dick He was not being a dick He was not being a dick He was more scientific He's like You weren't getting anything And you just plowed through And I took it I took it I enjoyed it Because there was a sense Of wonder with him Yeah But he wasn't uncomfortable He's just more Kind of amazed by it Yeah Probably impressed With your fortitude Yes Anyway I didn't get that job No I have had one Where I got a standing ovation From the producer The director And the casting director I'm like well clearly This is mine Now I'm on cloud nine And I don't even know Where that came from But we'll get into that later Oh I'm actually back Oh I thought I figured you probably already knew I don't know things I have to look them up I should have told you Keckner At the end of this episode Monica fact checks what we said No word I'm going to have to look that up For our birthday luncheon You can tell me Okay I will What's your favorite food? Oh jeez Cheeseburger off the top of my head Chicken sandwich from Houston Chicken sandwich from Houston So good So good Have you had it?
I'm eating it right now I don't know if I believe In anything he's saying to you I think he's transfixed by your beauty and your birthday. And have you really had the Houston's chicken sandwich? Yeah, I've had almost everything on the menu. It's a beautiful menu.
I wish this tour was brought to us by Houston's, but it's not. Houston's has a chain, so this isn't super insular. You can all get it. Yeah.
And you should. The chicken sandwich is phenomenal. But the burger's amazing, too. Ribs are not bad, either.
Back to you shit and abandon audition. Oh, no, no, you've got to be amazing. Clearly, this is mine, right? Yeah.
I'm driving home, and I got my agent on the line. I said, when does this thing start? Because I just nailed it. He goes, oh, they're already out for another actor.
Oh, man. Well, in their defense. It was you? Well, it was a lot of good.
I got the role. No, I have been on the other side, and there have been many times where people are auditioning. I try to explain this to other actors. It's like, someone can be so great, and yet they're not the right thing for the movie.
But it's like, they do something that's totally cool and original, and I believe it. I buy it, but it's not what it's supposed to be. It has nothing to do with us. But of course, I take it personally.
I'm like, TGI Fridays hates me. Hates my take on it. I hope they never saw it. But through your time at Second City and I.O., you end up on SNL, and it sounds like we both kind of just worship that place.
Beforehand, yes. Beforehand, that's the finish line for an improv sketch comedian, right? Yes. That's where the natural line goes, right?
Are you there, or what are you going to do, right? Right. It's really narrow focus. Although, when I got it, I thought, oh, this show's probably run its course.
That's what you thought. Like, it's all right. I thought, you know what? It might be just too old and tired.
They should probably just go, ah, we're good. Is it still on? Yeah. That's launched a couple of folks since your tenure.
So, we weren't having a great season, because there's the first season for Mad TV, and then Howard Stern had late at show, so the ratings slipped just a little bit. Right. And was Will already on the show? Yeah, they've been over it from the gap.
All of a sudden, we just arrows went through us. And then they carried Monica out on a sedan chair and made her the queen of Chicago. I'd be so happy. That'd be great.
I think you're the rightful heir of Oprah. I think you should become, yeah. Oh, my God. Okay, I'll take it.
So, you got on the show, and you thought that, as part of that, your own pessimism just as a person, like, well, if I'm here, this must not be going anywhere, because that's the kind of stuff I have. I didn't have that, because I thought you're the best thing on the show. Well, no. I thought, well, yeah, this is my turn.
I really did believe that. What age were you when you were? I was 33. But I didn't start show business until I was 24.
So, yeah, I had not planned. So, you get a six-year contract. I'm a bit oppositional, as you know. And that was so polite.
And I don't suffer fools gladly, is an old Irish saying. Right. So, if you're kind of a dick, and you don't know what's going on, I'm like, ah, I might not give you the respect. You are accorded by being a human being, which everyone should be respected.
But, right. Oftentimes, on the show, they go, why don't you do this? And I go, that's what's wrong with this show. Uh-huh.
But they're not asking me. It was there long before you came? Yes. It was there long after you left.
Yes. So, let me ask you this. I've got to ask you a serious question. Because I was kicked out of the groundlings.
And I was very embarrassed by that. And then I had about 80 theories on why that had happened. My talent was never a part of the reasons. That's true.
Maybe I wasn't as good as I thought. It's quite likely. And maybe I was not deferential to people who deserve to have some respect to build a place. You know, a lot of stuff was not cool that I did.
No. But I was embarrassed as hell. Because I had dedicated the last six or seven years of my life to this thing. Oh, it was that long.
And then, and I didn't end up on Saturday Night Live, and I wasn't on a TV show. I was like, wow, so that's the end of the line. And so I was like, the ride is completely over, and it was fucking brutal. So, I have to imagine, doing just a year on SNL was fucking brutal.
Whether you wanted to get out of there or not. I didn't say you wanted to do it on my terms, right? And I didn't. And it hurt like a mother.
Yeah, because it's a very public thing. Oh, yeah. The thing that helped a little bit was that Lauren did not want me to go. The ratings had dipped a little bit because of competition in late night.
So, he was forced to make changes, whether he wanted to or not. So, myself, Nancy Walls, who's Steve Carell's wife now, was then, as well. Very, very nice lady. And very funny, too.
Second City alone. And then Martin McKinney's going to be let go, too. So, Lauren could protect one pawn, basically. And he had a long relationship with Martin McKinney going back to kids in the hall.
So, I understood that. But it was really puzzling. I had a very successful year. Yeah, well, listen, I remembered you so well in that year.
A hundred percent. There was two people who I was like, why? Oh, because I was younger. I'm a little younger than you.
And I was like, wait, I'm confused how this works. The other one was like, Sarah Silverman. I loved her. And she would do a weekend update.
And I was just like, wait, what happened to that person? And again, never understanding how any of it works. Lauren told me in my final meeting, Dave, you're on the radar. You'll do fine.
Oh, that's a great speech. More wholesome approach to numbing out the pain. It's comforting to know that because you're doing cocaine, someone's dying. Literally getting shot for you somewhere in South America.
That's the silver lining of it. Yeah, that's true. You're snorting dead. It also helps to know it's potentially been in someone's ass as they walked across the Tijuana border.
I always like that aspect. And no one ever cuts it with anything you shouldn't put in your body. Well, that's what's funny is there was always one person in the line when you were doing coke. They had their own dollar bill.
But they didn't want to be in other people's nose. It's a great policy. But I would occasionally be like, what were snortings been in someone's asshole? You're worried about what's on my nose?
Yeah. Pretty proper all of a sudden, banging rails. We're doing electrical damage to our hearts. Yes.
You're worried about my fucking H1N1 flying flu? Don't we all have FC? So you make a living. You get by.
But then you have an explosion, obviously. Like 2004 to 2006 is a pretty incredible ride. Two years, folks. Nothing like that.
No, I mean. I know. You've had a fucking great 20-year career. But I'm saying.
I know. I got a lot right then. Things started popping. And you're in one of the biggest movies of the year.
You do Anchorman. You're exceptional. Some of these guys are old friends. You met Will Ferrell on SNL.
You guys got along well. Adam McKay, he wrote and directed it. The only person I had not met was Paul and Christina. The symmetry of all those guys, the geometry, the way it just worked.
I wondered watching it. How much of that was improv? We'd shoot what's scripted three times. So you have it.
And then we would improvise every scene after that. Now, it's not every director who's adapted to doing that. Wrangling it or throw things out that he wants you to play with. And you say, okay, let's let the squirrel out of the bag, is what Adam would say.
He would throw out ten different things that are funnier than what we just did. He's just immense and incredible. But anyway, he would throw out ideas. One, two, play with this or this thought, that kind of thing.
And then you would just get to play. And so I think the thing that maybe heightens what happened in Anchorman is, you know, look, your job as an actor anyway is to listen. But really, a lot of actors are just doing this. My turn?
Okay. Yeah, I'm listening for my turn. I'm listening to that. So you're not fully engaged.
But if you're improvising, you've got to be listening. So I think chemically that changes the timbre of what's going on a little bit. Because even when you're just doing the scripted stuff, you know later we're going to improvise. So it kind of raises the level of attention.
Yes. Is it the most fun you've ever had acting? Well, you and I are acting together, so I'm not going to say that. No, you can say it.
That's an incredible group. I would say that. And then there's another smaller movie I did that I want you to all watch. But it's not for kids, and it's not necessarily comedy.
Cheap Thrills was another special experience. It was just, yeah, it's good. It's a drama. Yes.
Yes. It's twisted. Well, I want to say this to you, and I'm sincere. We had an episode this season of Less Is Messed where Dave cuts his thumb off with a machete.
And it was really, really funny. And I've worked with Dave at that time, you know, seven different projects. But I was floored with what a good actor you are. I mean, I was floored.
It's a heightened, I mean, it's a preposterous scene. It's a kid cutting his thumb off, but then there's a hospital scene. And you're so emotional. You're crying.
I'm supposed to be kind of annoyed by the whole thing, which is hard for me, because I'm getting, I want to hug you. You're there. And it's for a comedy, but that's my favorite kind of comedic acting, which is like, you're not in on the joke. You're really playing that your son is her.
And you were just beautiful in that scene. I mean, it's cutting away. That's comedic. But you were crying on every single take.
You didn't care if they made you do 10 more. I was getting protected. I'm like, you guys got it. How many times do you make Keckner fucking do this?
It's killing me. I was actually loving it. You don't get to cry. As a comedian.
My daughter goes, you're bad at that, Dad. They're so kind. My daughter told me my bird was ugly. That's what we call a penis.
It's also what we call vagina. Yeah, it's a catch-all for genitalia. We also say vagina and penis. But I grew up calling it a bird.
My mom would be like, your bird is she? I'm like, huh? Oh, no. Just tugging on it.
But I was peeing, and my six-year-old, who was then five, she goes, Dad, why is your bird ugly? What'd you say? Well, honey, you're going to see a lot of ugly ones. You think this is ugly.
Wait till you get on the scene. This is considered a good-looking one. So you're a tremendous actor. You're also incredibly good, and I'm so glad you got the opportunity to do it, and thank you for smoking.
You're with Aaron Eckhart, who's a bad motherfucker, and you're holding your own, and then some, and all those scenes. You're incredible in that. You can do it all, and I've been really just blown away and impressed by being next to you so many times. Thank you.
Yeah, you can do all the things, and I hope you can do all the things. Stay tuned for more live show after this exciting commercial break. Now, before we go tonight, I also want to say a much bigger part of Dave Pechner than being a tremendous comedian and great actor is he also has five children, which is three too many children to have. Let's agree.
You agree? Let's agree. And I met you when you had two. Yes.
Charlie and Margo. Margo. Beautiful kids. I would have stopped there.
Perfect. So did I. Yeah. Not because the other three are lesser than that.
Just like, I want to have some more money. But you went on a journey that was, it was one of the craziest stories I've ever heard with number five. Number five. Yeah.
So we got married. We got pregnant right away. So got married in June. We were pregnant in September.
No one should probably look at me in the eye. Birthday girl. Uh-oh. My bird works.
It's a potent bird. It's a potent bird. Daddy, why is your bird so potent? So, okay, we get married, and then we get pregnant right away, and then everything's going great.
And then five weeks before Charlie was to be born, my wife wakes up in the middle of the night, and she's bleeding. So I thought, you know what? Let's go to the hospital. Sure.
Genius. Great idea. Novel idea. Very novel.
Yeah. We go there. They're doing an emergency C-section. Oh, yeah.
It's the middle of the night. And I will say, I do this story in my stand-up, so there might be some jokes coming along as well. So anyway, Charlie's out in 20 minutes, because that's the way it works. C-section, boom, he's out.
I go over, and I take a picture with a disposable camera of Charlie, and I don't have time to tell you what a disposable camera is. Oh, I know what a disposable camera is. They're very retro. They're back in.
And I'm heading back to my wife's side, and the doctor, female doctor, she looks up for my wife's stomach like this. And my first thought was, are you stealing something? Did I just catch you? Were there gold coins in my wife's uterus?
Damn it. Better than a goose. So as it turns out, it's much more dire than that. My wife had a rare thing called placenta acrita.
Normally, the placenta grows up to the uterus, and when it's time to go, the placenta says to the uterus, hey, man, great hang, but you hear all the excitement going on out there. I've been here since the beginning. Imagine the reception I'm going to get. Sluice is out.
When do they see this bag come out? I'm going to be there for life. Sluice is out right to the garbage, like, what the fuck? I could be a hat.
Hey, come on. So that's normal. But in placenta acrita, the placenta grows into the uterus, and it's time to go, fuck that shit. I'm not going to be a hat.