Really excited to be able to share with you guys tonight. You'll never guess which scripture we're going to be in tonight. You can turn your Bible to Romans 12. We're going to continue in our series on Romans 12.
We've been looking at the things that define Christians, the traits that define people that follow the way of Jesus. And before we dive in tonight, I've noticed something that I would love to just name in an effort to help us as we are approaching Romans 12. I've noticed our tendency to hear what's being said and to go, that's probably true most of the time, but what about these times? And so what Paul's doing in Romans 12 is he's saying, if you were to zoom out 40,000 foot view, look at the life of someone that followed Jesus.
And that love would be genuine. They'd hate what is evil, they cling to what is good, they'd be devoted to one another and brotherly love. They'd pray a lot, they'd have zeal, they'd serve the Lord. Like these different things that we've talked about, he's doing a macro view going, this is what the life of a believer looks like.
And we are as a culture, as 21st century Americans who are primarily intellectually driven, we are conditioned to go, okay sounds good, but what are the caveats? Right, like we're very conditioned to hear something that sounds good and true and simple and go, okay, well what if I, and then we kind of shake it and break it and try and figure out if it's actually going to hold up. And there's a part of that that's really good and that's healthy and there's a part of it that can veer into skepticism. And it keeps us from receiving what Paul is actually trying to communicate.
Okay, so as a team this past week, we were just celebrating what the Lord's been doing and two weeks ago, Rihanna preached a phenomenal message on blessing those who are our enemies, blessing do not curse, right? And it was amazing and it's so deeply scriptural and amazing, it's awesome, we posted it on social media. And then there's a lot of people who are really blessed. And then there's the people who make it very clear, like hey, but by the way, this taken out of context could empower abusers and this could actually be, this is really problematic.
So are you saying that we're okay when people are evil? And it's like, whoa, no one said that. We're taking a high level view just like Paul is going, this is a trait of those that follow Jesus. But we're conditioned to try and kind of break it and it loses some of the impact I think it's supposed to have on us.
And so in our everyday lifestyle school, we've been talking about this a little bit, but we're calling out all of our propensity, whether, and again, I'm not here to pass through the internet and everyone who's commenting on the post. I'm pass during this house and I'm just naming that a lot of us have this tendency to create what are called straw man arguments. Do you guys know that phrase? A straw man, like a scarecrow.
It's like a representation of something that's kind of a character and not fully always true, but it's just kind of going, well, it's easy to dismantle that if I make it into kind of this caricature version of itself, right? And so we'll do things like find out where it's like, yeah, I get that Christian's supposed to show hospitality. But what if a serial killer comes to your front door? It's like, is that happening to you?
I think we all have a lot of room to grow in showing hospitality. So rather than try and beat me to the punch and be like, that's unhelpful as we're being discipled by Jesus. I get that I'm supposed to be generous at all occasions. But what if there's a swindler who comes and he's intentionally trying to take your money and use it for his own personal game and there's repeated defenses?
It's like, again, yeah, that feels different, but that's not the specific situation I'm addressing. There's a higher level view of that. And so when we say, hey, you should forgive people. We're not empowering abusers.
And when we're saying that you should live in peace and harmony with people, we're not saying like, you should never, ever take a stand ever against anything. It's going, hey, 40,000 foot view, let's be discipled by this and recognize that I have hundreds of thousands of ways that this should change my life to be more like Jesus. So rather than stand at a distance and go, well, what about that? And then I keep it at arm's length.
Let's actually be humble enough to sit under Romans 12 and go, I want someone to look at my life and think these things. Full stop. OK, so I'm just naming that because there are so many times through this series, you guys, where, you know, Paul is very succinct. There's times where we've spent entire sermons talking about three words and trying to unpack it.
Paul is very succinct. And of course, there's room for nuance, but there's also so much room for the simplicity to actually transform our lives. And if we just continually look at it and go, well, but in that instance, it's probably not true. And over there, that's probably not true.
So because of those two examples, that'll be like a soft command of Jesus. Sometimes it's true. It's like, there's nuance, but let's be a little more humble when we're coming to this and go, man, there's a lot going on in here that needs to be transformed. This is the marks of a believer.
I'm a believer. God, disciple me through this. Yeah? Man, this is something we are just going to, as a community, say goodbye to trying to find the threshold where when we cross that, then I no longer have to do that command of Jesus.
It's just unhealthy. And it makes me think of the Garden of Gethsemane, where Jesus is there with his disciples, and he's been very consistent. Jesus has with all these young men who are following him. They're like, is now the time where we called on Fire and Brimstone?
He goes, nope, we don't do that. Remember, we're not doing that. Okay, so when are you going to overthrow Rome? For goodness sakes, we're not doing that.
That's not the mission right now. And he's been very consistent in that, right? But then it comes to that point where the Garden of Gethsemane, and someone is actually putting the Messiah in chains and taking him away. And Peter has this conditional thinking, and he's going, but this has to be the time, right?
This is where we fight back. And he takes his sword, and he lops off a guy's ear, and he's ready to go. And it's almost as though, again, maybe it's well-meaning, but there was a condition somewhere where he's going, no, but this is going to happen. And I'm going to do it, because I've kind of been wanting to do this all along.
And now I've got permission because the circumstances got crazy enough. It's just a different way of viewing things, right? Okay, and then what does Jesus do? Just to finish the story.
He heals the enemy's ear, and then says, Peter, put your sword away. Very consistent. Don't you know that he who lives by the sword will die by the sword? I don't think that he's saying that if you have a sword strapped into your belt, then you're going to die with a physical sword.
I think what he's saying is there's an aggressive self-preservation and self-protection that will end up killing you. And so we just want to lay down all of the things that are going like, I get that that's in the Bible, but unless you can answer these four specific questions, I'm not going to receive it. Let's actually go, okay, there are questions. There are big things that deserve to be talked about.
In my life, Romans 12 has a lot of room to expand without answering some of those incredibly difficult nuanced questions. Is that fair? Can we do that? Okay, I bring this up because it's going to happen again tonight.
As we look at the way of Jesus, and we look at this thing that Paul says, hey, this should be a marker of those that follow Jesus. There's going to be opportunity for you to say, well, what about this? What about this? And I am just going to acknowledge you're right, there's nuance.
And I'm right, there's room for all of us to grow in this. And so we can sit and receive from the Lord in the areas that we're going to grow in. Yeah, great, okay. We are actually going to combine two sections because they say very similar things and they have similar messages.
And so what we're going to do is take the first part of Romans 12, 16, and combine it with Romans 12, 18. When you put those things together, it reads live in harmony with one another, if possible. So far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Peace, harmony.
But I've noticed something. I've noticed that when someone says, just live in peace and harmony, in 2023, there's a bit of a different reaction to that that I've observed, where when we say, no, like, live in peace with everyone, live in harmony with everyone. There's this thing in us that goes, man, but isn't that just kind of complacency and passivity and apathy? And when do we take stand though?
That's been my observation that especially since 2020 when big societal things started to collide, live in peace and harmony suddenly feels like I'm allowing you to do injustice. I'm allowing you to live in a way that I don't think is right. And so am I just kind of rolling over? Do you guys feel like tension at all?
Okay, so we have this drive for... Father, help me. We are trying to see what we believe is best accomplished. And so there's a lot of really well-meaning stuff in it.
However, it's a versatile up there, but the verse back up there, if you don't mind, please. How often are we looking at those that are different from us and going, how do I get to live in harmony with them though? How do I get to have peace with them as much as possible? We've stopped looking for ways to bring peace, and we've started justifying the the kind of resilient, slightly hostile, I'm not going to budge thing.
I'm seeing a lot of people, at least more than when I was growing up in the 90s, when I was like give peace a chance, and if you said like, we should have world peace, everyone's like for sure, yes, universally, that's accepted. Now it's like, well, but if the peace includes that, then let's go to war. I'm just naming that there's been a shift. I'm not touching on societal macro issues, I'm just saying there's a shift where a lot of us are now looking for, okay, but when is it time to lob somebody's ear off?
And I am submitting that the perspective of the Christian should be, how can I live in peace in this? How can I grow harmony? So I don't know if you've seen this, I'm not on the internet very much praise God, but there's a culture war, what people are calling it, and I think the church is getting sucked into it, and if you haven't been a part of that yet, God bless you, but thanksgiving's coming. And you're about to sit down around a turkey with Graham Abedee, and Uncle Ron, and your Gen Z cousin, Xander, and you're all going to be at there on the table, and someone's going to say a prayer, and after that prayer is when peace and harmony currently make their exit, and now who knows what's going to happen, it's the Wild West out there.
Like I fully get that poking fun at Thanksgiving Tension is an old joke, and like it's true, but it's like, okay, it's not that bad, but what I think is interesting is that as we look at that family tension moment, back in the day it used to be like, hey, but when it's over everyone acknowledges like, hey, that was a problem, like we shouldn't have fought. And I feel like now there's almost this justification of like, well, someone had to say it, and there's almost this like unrepentant justification of like, well, no, believe me, Thanksgiving dinner was the time where we needed to have the conversation. It's like, I just think that we're too quick to justify and use the two or three Bible stories where like, okay, you confronting your grandma about how she's choosing to compost or not compost is not, don't say that you're like, Jesus, flipping tables in the temple, it's not a quiver one, all right? Don't misuse that passage.
So there's just a mindset that I think that we need to kind of grow up into going, how can I look to have peace be the thing that defines the relationships that I'm in, the circles and spaces that I'm in? Let's just look at a smattering of verses here outside Romans 12, Jesus says, blessed are the peacemakers because they will be called sons of God. David in Psalm 34, 14, he says, seek peace and pursue it. Colossians 3, 15, let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts since you were called to peace.
It's like a universal message throughout scripture that God wants to multiply Shalom. It's that Hebrew word that means not just peace but like right ordering and alignment and God wants things to be whole. It's a theme throughout all of scripture. And Paul is saying in Romans 12, he's saying, I want you to live in harmony.
Some of your translations might say be like minded. What he's talking about isn't just that complacent. You do your thing. I do my thing.
Nobody's saying anything and we'll have peace. That word harmony is this nuance word where like I said, somebody else says like minded. He's saying, no, this is an internal thing. Are we together?
Married couples. You can sit down on a couch and you're reading your book and she's reading her book and it can feel like there's not harmony, right? And there's those moments you can be doing the exact same thing and going, oh, we're together. And it feels like there's connection and there's peace in that relationship.
That's what Paul is getting at. And he says, if possible as much as you're able, as much as it's up to you, live in peace with all what he's saying is I want it to be your fault that all your relationships are so peaceful. I want you to be the reason that you can step in to those complicated situations and it suddenly feels like I can have a breath and like it's safe and like peace is being multiplied. I think that Paul is saying, hey, this is how the world's going to recognize something's different.
I want you to walk into your workspace or your work van or your dorm room or your kid's room and have it feel like the Prince of Peace just walked in. Like I can take a breath and I'm safe and this is good. I think that's what he's getting at. I think that's something that we don't often proactively pursue, right?
A lot of us are into like, how do I like self-betterment stuff? May I submit that being a person who carries peace is an incredible way to be a witness to Jesus. Historically, you guys, you look back at the early church and where it's so confronting. It's so confronting because you're looking at a church who is wildly persecuted.
The injustice of what they're experiencing is crazy and yet there's not a single hint in the early church of like, so when is it time to rally the troops and take over though? When is it time to really sink in here and let them know that we're not going to be pushed around? The church didn't do that. They were far more concerned with the resurrection of the dead than they were with when we had an insurrection of all of us to defend ourselves.
It's it's provoking. This is not Pastor Ben making a statement on we're not talking about just war theory and all of the giant macro things right now. I'm just saying there's a there's a heart posture that I want to be provoked by going, is my default Lord, would you let me be a peacemaker? Lord, would you let me step in to actually bring Shalom here?
Is that our default or is our default? Okay, but when is enough? I'm I'm I'm wanting this to hit home for us. I don't want us tonight.
You guys is not the night where we're going to look at the giant societal things. Pastor Josh God bless him. We'll be taking the passage in Romans 12 where it says vengeance is mine says the Lord. We are we are going to talk about it because it's important tonight friends.
Would we be willing to just turn the camera in where to go? Am I a person who's creating peace everywhere I go? Is my default in my relationships? How can I bring healing and peace here?
Or is it here's the things that you got to do if you're going to get me to come your way? We're being provoked by the humility of Jesus tonight. First service worship wasn't like it was here where we spent time looking at Philippians 2. I mean like I just wonder if God's highlighting this thing for us tonight to help us.
It's in him. Would it be in us that we were people who go low and create peace wherever we go? And yes this is going to offend certain 21st century American sensibilities that we have. And I'm actually pretty okay with that.
I'm actually pretty okay if someone looks at my life and gets frustrated going why don't you fight more? I feel like that's never been said of me so it's probably good if I have that as a target and I can leave it in that little bit right? I just want us to be provoked by that. So so there is a Jesus way to handle those situations that just feel like no but this one feels really tough.
Like there's a Jesus way to do that and Paul God bless him very succinct but he allows for that in verse 18 where he says if possible and I just want us to pause there for a second and there are times where it's like hey it's it's just not possible for this to be just kumbaya it's just not possible. Acts 5 as the church is exploding and the apostles are going no he told us to preach the gospel in all nations. Jerusalem, Samaria to the end of the earth. And so they start doing that no beatings to Jesus and they start preaching going Jesus is God he's the Messiah.
To all of these Jews that are there they're going we blew it we crucified him. He rose they're presenting the gospel and then they get arrested right then the religious leaders arrest them put him on trial and say I specifically asked you to not do that. We told you before we're in charge here we said that you weren't supposed to preach in that man's name you certainly weren't supposed to make us responsible for it. When you read it that's what it says.
Stop saying this was our fault stop preaching his name and in that moment peace does not look like okay you're right sorry and step back because Peter and the rest of the apostles are faced with this thing going no but but he said to preach and then Peter's words he says we must obey God rather than man and there's that moment and then they say well then we're going to throw you in jail and then he says feels right yeah that makes sense and he's not trying to fight his way out he's going yep I'm owning that this is this is going to cost me something because I'm not I'm not willing to go where you're saying that I should go that's going to cost in conflict and so yeah that feels right I'm going to jail and I just wonder if Peter's there with a smile yeah I'm going to obey God and he's not doing it as like an anti-establishment you know take that no this is the this is the cheesiest way and it's like he's just sitting there going I'm just going to continue to do what I know I've been told to do by God and that conflict is still then going yep so I wish this could be peaceful I wish that you understood and if that means that I have to go to jail for it that makes sense that's a very different mindset when we say yeah peace just wasn't possible it's not then an excuse to pull the sword out again right this is Peter same dude he's he's experiencing persecution and he's no longer pulling a sword out he's I'm just going to be faithful and what come come what may I'm just going to be faithful to what I know it's provoking okay much more modern example I keep using the word provoking because it's the right word when we look at some of this stuff if you guys read the life of Dietrich Bonhoeffer just an absolute like words fall short I have I love history and I read up on really good Christians because I want to be a really good Christian and so I like I love look at this stuff no no one has challenged me more than Dietrich Bonhoeffer and look at his his life it's uncomfortable to read the things that he writes and the things that he did because it's so wildly sold out for the Lord and what a lot of people know about Bonhoeffer is that though he was a pastor and a Christian he was involved in this group that was responsible for an assassin but they're trying to assassinate Adolf Hitler a lot of people know that and some Christians will take that kind of twist it and go like see there's a line though and if they cross it it's like no that that is not what happened so let me just give a very very brief glimpse into the life of Bonhoeffer his own words he was so grieved that that that was the position that he found not because he's saying this is I it's so nuanced and it's beautiful and you should just do the homework and read it because it's so crazy but he essentially says there's no other way that I know how to do this and this is going against every I mean the man was a pacifist like that he's like this defies everything that I know and Lord I am so sorry but I don't know any other way to be faithful to what I believe you want to do than to partner with this this group and to do this thing but he was never going it's about time he never once said well someone's got to do something he was saying someone's got to do something and it was humble and he walked in he raised his hand and he saw himself Bonhoeffer saw himself as a spiritual martyr of sorts going I don't want anyone else to be guilty of this sin Lord I can take it would you forgive me and continue to take steps going this is how I know how to bring peace but there's a conflict in him because he believes that he was called to create peace everywhere that he went do you see how different this is I'm just pointing out some examples of saying where we say well yeah but there's those complicated things there are but the heart posture that I think that we're called to is like Bonhoeffer going I I just want peace and if I can't have it then I'll continue to take these steps as best I know how and I'll be praying for peace the whole time yeah if possible so wherever it's possible then we actually want to right we're not looking for else we're saying in those extreme cases where it's just not possible Father walk with me through this as I continue to contend for peace but then Paul says as far as it's up to you and I want to stop on that phrase too because what I believe Paul's doing is he's saying any chance that you get in any relationship that you're in a responsibility for the peace of that relationship as far as it's up to you Paul's not talking in Romans 12 about Nazi Germany he's talking about your relationship with your spouse and your kids he's talking about the way that you treat your boss he's talking about the way that you interact with your neighbors he's talking about the way that you talk about people when they're not around he's talking about the interpersonal relational things he says as far as it's up to you I want you to live in peace with everybody he's putting his finger on that thing in us that so quick to notice the speck in someone else's eye and ignore the log in our own and so he's saying does your marriage exemplify peace because that one that one you have a lot to say in right and and if there's like I get it I get there's two people in marriage I get it well but what if they're not he's saying as far as it's up to you you don't be the reason that there's this unity I want it to be your fault that that relationship is so peaceful right that's that's what we're signing up for here he's saying as much as it's up to you I want you to take accountability and go I'm a peacemaker bless other peacemakers they're gonna call sons of god I got this picture as I was cropping you guys know that phrase to extend in olive branch yeah means like to be the one that's going hey there's peace if you want it right I just got this picture of all of us just walking around with olive branches being like I'm ready to give peace wherever it's received as far as it's up to me as much as I can you'll find me with an olive branch extended and again friends I get the nuance of this and there's the questions they're going well what about this scenario then just put that one on the shelf and think about every other relationship there's room for us to grow into this okay and so what I want to do we've been talking about the value system and like hey we should this is how we want to live and then for a lot of us we're going how help I love giving practicals and so can we spend some time just looking at some things that I've I've found and people much smarter than we have found can invest that we can invest to to create a life of peace yeah okay it's it's not weird self-help doctrine to say that peace starts internally first that's that's deeply biblical and so the first thing that I want to talk about is going how can I be a person of peace when I'm by myself in my basement how can I be a a John Mark Homer calls it a non anxious presence someone that you just walk into the room and it's like I'm glad they're here you guys everyone in your life like that I hope you do where there's like this not gonna say any names not that they're here but like but there's there's a relationship in my life that is known to be a little bit combative it's known like yeah it wouldn't be shocking if there was conflict in that relationship and there was one time where I was with this person and sure enough the pop rocks started to kind of go off and it's like oh uh and then someone walked in and I went like oh thank god they're here because that person's a peacemaker and it's really difficult to be in conflict when that person walks into the room that's that's what we want to be and and that person is consistent in this not just when there's crisis moments they've developed an inner life of peace okay so the first thing if you're wanting to grow and be a peacemaker and to be someone that has peace with everyone around them and grows in harmony the first thing that we have to do is get connected to the Lord's perspective over us because so often the things that lead to friction in relationships and to anger and hostility and resentment it's all based on us not understanding who we are we are insecure and we're afraid and we're jealous and there's all these internal things that then when xyz happens I feel this need to and the clause come out and it's because of what is going on in me and so I want to specifically call out fear if we are afraid it is incredibly difficult to live in peace if if we have fear either external out there fear or internal what if I'm not good enough fear it is incredibly difficult to be a person of peace if there's undel with insecurity and fear going but I'm not okay I'm not okay I'm not okay anyone that comes into that space it's going to be really difficult to experience Shalom and so I'm I'm wanting to give us permission to go hey like if like if everything that I've said so far you're just stirred up I'm gonna be a peacemaker and then you go oh but I have no idea how to be alone by myself because I just am constantly riddled with anxiety it's like well let's start with that I think that's gonna be a really helpful way to develop peace we often Josh talked about this last week we have this tendency to multiply what we're feeling and what is in us the word manifesting isn't just talking about demons or the Holy Spirit manifest just means to like show on the outside what's going on the inside so we we have a tendency to manifest what's on the inside of us and so we actually want to get settled so that what's in us because right now if man if you're just constantly kind of paralyzed by the fear of I'm not good enough and what if they judge me and I don't look great today and if that's what you're carrying inside and then someone gets close to you you don't want to multiply that and so there's a there's a discipline of going I'm going to get committed to what God says about me I'm going to get committed to being anchored in my own interior first step yeah okay next one again talked about this a lot we're not going to gloss over it and I'm just gonna take a slightly different angle on it forgiveness if fear sabotages peace unforgiveness for sure sabotages peace and again just to help us out I'm not talking right now about the person who's hurt you the most in your life let's talk about people you actually like love let's talk about like your uh your family you love your family and you've just kind of gotten used to like but we just don't talk about that because I don't like that and we just won't talk about that we'll talk about this and then we call that peace that's not peace that's avoidance so so we're wanting to actually in those relationships where it's like man this this is a six out of ten on scale there's not like i mean danger it's just like yeah we just kind of gotten used to this being the way that it is because there's these little things of unforgiveness and memories that you go well I sent you that really heartfelt text six months ago I prayed over that there was a word of the Lord in there even prayed for you wrote it down sent it to you didn't hear anything for three days and I got a THX huh okay okay well no no we're selling out yep see you there but there's these little things I just want us to name those little things that can get so sticky in relationships and if we're looking at the relationships around us we go man it doesn't feel like it's just like saturated in peace maybe just ask the Lord Lord is there any way that I'm holding on unforgiveness again this is a purely interior thing it's a purely just you and the Lord thing but you're setting yourself up to be a peacemaker in that moment we step into forgiveness last thing that I want to call out this one is just so obvious but it needs to be said because I don't want us to miss it if you want to be a peacemaker develop a life of prayer be with God you need to know what he's like you need to be connected to him you need to hear his voice you need to be you need to be a person of prayer because there are so many people who do great things in creating peace but then there's brokenness in their own lives and eventually it comes out I don't know why I'm going here but there's there's so many stories of Christians who are doing amazing amazing things and then we and then you just find out about all this brokenness and I'm like man that you need to be connected to the Father you need to be in relationship with God and the way that we know how to do that but anything else is through prayer and so if if you're trying to be a peacemaker and a representative of God on the planet and ambassador of Shalom and all that good stuff and you're uncomfortable spending more than 10 minutes praying I would just challenge you hey you want to know what's gonna make you go supernova in your peacemaking don't lean on your own strength pray connect to him get his heart he loves people more than you love people he wants peace more than you want peace connect to God and prayers how we do that so that's all in here your stuff but there are a few things that I I think are really really helpful and just practical things for us as we're looking outward going okay but like are there steps I could take in this relationship yes there are and I would love to share some the first one is not so popular I I want all of us to be peacemakers by being the first one to apologize I want I want us to be able to nail it gold star I want I want us to be people that are looking to in any way that we can create peace and going if they did 99% of the problem and I did one I can own up to my 1% I'm not justifying that I'm not saying that it's right but I'm going as far as it's up to me as much as I can I'm going to be a peacemaker and I'm going to own my 1% my wife and I received this challenge in premarital counseling I was 21 when I was going through premarital counseling father a lot of things that needed to be said in that moment but one of the ones that really stuck with me was the man that was doing a premarital counseling said make it a challenge like who can be the first one to apologize and and the way that that has come to define my relationship with my wife is actually pretty amazing and and it's created so much peace in our relationship do I share this story again last time I got just reamed oh boy I last service I shared this story and everyone was like you're a monster it was like a thing from Shrek unbelievable but here it is because it's such a great example my my wife who's not here but she's uh she's here last service was there in that same conversation Candy and I were in the same conversation of being the first one to apologize and um and life got crazy after that we got married and then by the time we were at our one-year wedding anniversary Candy was eight months pregnant we had moved across the country I had left full-time missions and was in a very low paying grunt work sales job and my life was kind of just swirling like I who am I like I was in that hole zone again I was at this when I was 22 just a young man with a lot of responsibility trying to figure out how to not die like that's that's where I was at and um I worked in downtown Minneapolis and then took the six-u bus because we only had one car and I show up to our tiny little apartment after a day of just feeling like a failure and I don't know what I'm doing because I've been in ministry my whole life and now they're asking me to be in sales I don't want to do that and so I'm I am just carrying the weight of my day and my boss was mad at me and I didn't do that thing right and I'm perfectionist it didn't work and so I walk in the door just like just grumpy and at this point my son had been born and he's like bouncing in his thing just happy to see me and I come home and it's candy's like hey babe and I've got all my winter stuff on and I was like how was this small little apartment I thought didn't we say we're gonna clean today just just the worst sort of human again the gingerbread man is screaming you're a monster so like didn't we say didn't we say we're gonna clean today she goes yeah sorry you know what I mean we have a two-month-old so what's going on around here and I'm kind of just like stomping around the house it's a tiny little apartment and I'm just kind of mad and grumpy and candy asked me some question about dinner and she was like hey I forgot um did you want me to pick up that for dinner or just trying to be normal and I'm a typhoon and she asked me this normal question and I said something like candy I don't know like I have my job you have your job can we just like it's very exposing the more you laugh you've done things like that I just have I'm like just like just brutal like in any movie if you're watching that scene you're like he's the bad guy I am not rooting for him and so we're in this space where I am very clearly the bad guy and very clearly have everything to apologize for and my wife is just standing there receiving this like swirl and my wife goes you're right I am really sorry you work so hard and I should have this ready sit down it destroyed me because she had every right and I knew it she had every right to grab a frying pan and whack me over the head with it it was like Ben is the worst and I knew it and you you've been in that space where you're like I know that I'm not okay okay and you're just like mad and and candy apologized for some reason the point zero zero zero one percent the only thing on the planet she could have possibly thought to apologize for she owned up in that moment rather than hitting me across the face with a frying pan and when she apologized guess what I did yeah you know I should probably apologize too there's been a few things in the last couple minutes that I I'm not proud of and it and it opens the door for like and then I start going I just honestly I'm just so overwhelmed and I feel like and now there's vulnerability and it like our night wasn't submarineed in this place of tension and frustration because my wife had the humility to go hmm rather than react to all of this mess how can I bring peace and she apologized absolutely like game changer for the relationships that we're in this is not like a bait and switch I'm not saying you just apologize for your one percent and then stand there and wait for them to apologize for all their mess that's not what I'm saying what I'm saying is there's a level of ownership that goes I want this to be at peace and all that I can control right now is my one percent but my one percent is going to be peaceful yeah be discipled by candy Peterson okay next thing is similar to it peacemakers are proactive in their blessing they're proactive in speaking encouragement and affirmation so much this you guys come back to like the definition of just like becoming love and being a loving person patient kind not rude not self-seeking not easily angered keeps your record of wrongs you know first-man things 13 stuff this but this is how we create peace is we enter in as a non-anxious presence there's no competition you go I'm going to proactively bless this person and this relationship you guys ever had this moment I'm sure you have because you guys are incredible those moments when you're sitting down like a restaurant in your server is clearly having a bad day it's so normal to go well there goes their tip but so many of you are kind people who start going what does she need or or he what does he mean what does this person need and they come back you've got a big smile you go hey thank you so much you're doing such a good job and I know that this can feel crazy you're doing a phenomenal job that changes the entire interaction it changes her or his entire day it's just a little proactive blessing going I see you you're going to be okay it's not self-preservation mode it's external it's going I'm going to sow a seed into your life of peace that's shalom that's me going here's here's a gift for you this this is it's a stereotype but it's a stereotype for reason gentlemen we can really grow specifically in this area of being proactive in our blessing you you being amazing is awesome I love that you're amazing I love that you work hard and I love that you do a lot and that's awesome but take the one extra step to let someone else and know that you see them let them know what you think about them man there are times in my life where get proverbs 15 what is it proverbs 15 one a software turns away wrath there are so many opportunities for us because we get hit with someone's bad day there's some 22 year old kid who's trying to figure out how to be a dad and a husband and a sales guy and have a mortgage and all this stuff he's just doing his best and what what that guy probably needs isn't for you to let him know that he's inconveniencing you and what he's doing isn't right he let's let's extend blessing and so extending blessing and actually verbally saying hey I think that you're really really good at this nice wanting to know that if if I'm in a friendship with someone and we're just kind of side-by-side doing life and I pause and I go I want you to know I've been watching how you do this and it really challenges me because you do it with so much grace and you just seem like you do it easily but there's like a joyfulness in it that's just really like that's really getting me and I want to be more like you what that does to like bring peace to a relationship I'm not even saying it's like broken and bad I'm saying hey you and your children can grow up into having a more peaceful relationship if you're just proactive and blessing if you're proactive and stepping into that like you love them that's awesome take it from a from a six to a nine on the scale of one to 10 how do I how do I grow peace how do I take responsibility for people going wow the Peterson's are marked by peace how do I make that my fault one of the keys is being proactive and blessing proactive and speaking life encouragement and then the last one that I want to talk about and does the mindset that we can have is peacemakers learn this from pastor Josh Josh talked about this he says we need to be the ones that stomp on eggshells you guys know that phrase we're walking on eggshells and the relational dynamics that feel like this I just don't want to settle and bind off I'm just trying to not make a huge mistake here what if we didn't settle for that we said I'm committed to the relational health and for this being something that feels like we're of the same mind and living in harmony that there's peace and so what I'm going to do is stop stop stop stop stop stop hi can we talk I just want you to know I've I would think about you I want this relationship to be like so much more than it is I'm so committed to this I want you to know that I'm in your corner and I'm willing to have the hard conversations there's anything that I've done that's offensive I just want to take full ownership of it it's not worth whatever this is because I just want to be in unity like whoa that is not normal that is not what that's not a cultural message that you're receiving from anyone to go and just stop into difficult relationships and say I just want to bring peace but that's the Jesus way Jesus does this Jesus has hard conversations Jesus you know I this is this isn't the main point of that whole story in John I believe it's not for woman at the well but Jesus is having this conversation she's like yeah so what do you do and she's like trying to stay surfacey and he goes straight for the heart he's going can we can we talk though she goes yeah I perceive that you're a prophet when when he just calls out all this stuff about her life but he's committed to going I actually want you to get this and so these little ancillary things let's just get through that and he marches through and the goal is to create peace it's not self protection it's not they just need to know what they've done right I have I have a friend that I watched kind of navigate this he went through the season of he learned how valuable that he was which is incredible but then received some really bad advice to go and let everyone else know that what they were doing wasn't okay because of how valuable he was and I was like oh no that sounds like such good wisdom if you aren't connected to a Christian worldview that says no your goal is to bring peace your goal is not to bring safety for yourself where you build enough walls and just so you know if it crosses this line I'm gonna let you know it's not a world of ultimatums it's a world of stopping on eggshells for the purpose of peace and going I would love to have this go from a six to a ten and we're creating peace this is this is something that the more that we commit to it the more we're gonna see the fruit of it and the more we're gonna be like this is so worth it this is this is one of those words that I get that there's like some sacrifice like being the first one to apologize when you're in the middle of a fight is super hard having the emotional bandwidth to just go I would like this relationship to go from a six until a ten when when you're in like fight or flight oh I get that's difficult but like I said I have memories of nights in my own home it's like there's tension and neither of us had the maturity or the bandwidth or whatever to deal with it and the nights just toast it it's like well that night's done and we'll wake in the morning and I've and I've seen nights where it's normally candy um it is like hey we this doesn't have to be like this and then she she starts creating room for there to be peace and it and it's it's marked I've seen the fruit of it and so now I'm hooked on it because I know it's possible this isn't just some pie in the sky yeah this is how christians should live and like no I've seen people that live in a place of peace that are that are actually doing this and so I just want us to be motivated to be ones that create that and I would love to give us the opportunity right now to just take one little baby step towards that can we do that all right Thomas if you want to come on up if you're here he's player extraordinaire he'll be here in a second what I want us to do is have the uh have the ability to just slow down enough to go okay I want I want in one relationship to increase peace this this is something that we're actually going to lean on the holy spirit's guidance for because sometimes we get all swirled out so what I'd love us to do is to have a moment where they say holy spirit would you highlight one relationship in my life again we're not going macro right now we're not solving global crisis he's we're saying in in my life I have the opportunity in a relationship that I'm in to create more peace and I want to do that I want to hold out that olive branch it's a little bit further and so take a second and just ask holy spirit holy spirit what's one relationship that you want to highlight okay so there's there's just one relationship that we're going to focus on just that one now what I want us to do well let me pause for a second I have a lot of respect for the word of the Lord I'm not saying Bible though that too but like when the Lord says something to us and we ask him the question any answers I want us to be a people that take that seriously I don't want us to get comfortable with like yeah God told me to do this and this and then I like forgot about it didn't write it down didn't do anything with it I asked God to speak and he did and then I like put it on the shelf I don't want us to be a people that treat the voice of the Lord like that specifically the commands of the Lord and we're asking him for an action step and so if if you're for whatever reason going yeah I have no intention of actually following through on this please please just feel free to not engage with this because I don't want to make you guilty of disobedience by it's kind of intense but I just want us to grow up into obedience to the Lord a little bit and so for those of us that are willing I want us to ask the Lord Lord what's one thing that I can do to increase peace in that relationship we're making this so simple what's one thing I can do as much as stuff to me what's one thing I can do to increase peace in that relationship thank you for your voice Lord feel free to like write it down or do something that's going to make it action before you I believe that the Lord is actually answering because he he wants to see peace multiplied in our lives and allow me to just push one step further it's because I love you and I want to see peace multiplied if there's something that you can do right now in obedience to what the Lord said we're going to leave time for it so if the Lord said to reach out and send a text you have time right now to send that text if the Lord said to buy something for that person or to cover the cost of something activate on that like right now might feel a little bit scary but just ask God for grace and go Lord I'm trying my best to be obedient I'm trying to bring peace to this relationship maybe it's an I'm sorry maybe it's a proactive blessing maybe it's a text that says hey can we talk because there's some eggshells that need to get stomped on just want to honor there's like a lot of people looking around like sending messages on their phone that is that's unbelievable that's incredible that that there's the like courage and obedience to just step out and do it in the moment I just want to honor that that's amazing and if you're still doing that by all means please keep going but if you're going all right I got my marching orders and I can't do it right now I'd love to invite you to stand up just want to pray for us and then Josh is going to commission us out and if you're willing and able what do you stand if you're one of our ultra prayer folks and want to come up to the front here I'd invite you to do that I just want to pray for us and then I'll Josh has given me the green light to just commission us out afterwards but Father we we take you seriously when you say that you that you're the prince of peace and that one of the distinctives about who you are is that you multiply peace wherever you go God we want to be that too God we want to be people that step into situations and bring harmony and like-mindedness God I want to look for excuses to bring peace I want to look for reasons where I could sow in peace I want to create opportunities for there to be peace God in any way that I've set conditions and tried out of my own self-preservation to make like outlet valves where now it's okay if I'm angry or if I hold on to resentment or if I hold on to bitterness I don't want to do that anymore Lord I want to be a person who submitted to the lifestyle that you've laid out for us God I want to be a person who lives in harmony with those around me and as much as it's up to me whenever possible I want to live in peace God I thank you that you want to mark our community as a place known for extending olive branches God I thank you for the the interactions that are going to happen this week where by your spirit you bring up that little word that just says be a person of peace and it changes God I thank you for holiday meals being marked by peace God I thank you for interactions with our moms and dads being marked by peace I thank you that our neighbors get to experience peace because of the things that we step into you're really doing it God you're really you're really building a people that look like your character and so Father we received the grace for that we know it's not possible in our own strength but we received grace and all of us right now receive grace to go out of these doors and actually be peacemakers those that walk into situations and make them feel more like the kingdom more filled with shalom God I bless all of my friends here with that as that we would leave with faith in our hearts and smiles on our lips we love being yours God and the church said Amen