Living in a Body That Doesn't Fit Your Soul

Some of the best things that have ever happened on this show started with a wrong turn. I wasn't looking for Jessica Elaine Blinkhorn. I was trying to find Jessica Marshall from Episode 3.12… when her face stopped me mid-scroll. I didn't know her personally—but I knew her. I had seen her around my neighborhood more times than I could count. Full punk makeup. Music loud. Powerchair in motion. Completely, unmistakably herself. So when her Instagram (@wheelie_an_artist) came up, I knew immediately: i know her. I reached out on July 13th. She replied the same day. We had been living four blocks from each other. That's Divine Synchronicity. Several days later we ended up back at my apartment with Christian Amaro—who just happened to already be there. No plan. Mics on. We just started talking. "I'm still here. I don't really feel like doing this." That's how this episode begins. Because that's real life. And some conversations are too important to wait until you feel ready. What followed was one of the most candid, necessary conversations we've had on this show. We talk about gender, pronouns, and how my own thinking has been shifting—especially after Episode 3.12. But the conversation doesn't stay there. It goes deeper. Into what it actually means to live in a body that the world wasn't built for. "The most disabling part about being disabled isn't my body. It's living within a system that feigns empathy but practices apathy."  Jessica Blinkhorn shares what most people don't see: That 1 in 3 disabled women are sexually assaulted every year That 90% of people with developmental disabilities experience sexual violence That invisibility doesn't protect but instead it makes disabled people targets. She shares how she escaped an assault. How she nearly died alone in her apartment—trapped under a table, unable to breathe—until she found a way to move a laptop inch by inch to send a message for help. "You find a way. You find a way to make it work." We talk about the cost of survival: A $29,000 wheelchair A $60,000 accessible van $13,000/month for treatment $8,000–$10,000/month for care And a system that caps her bank account at around $2,000— while simultaneously making independence nearly impossible. "Having anything means losing everything for us." We also talk about something most people don't know: Disabled people in the U.S. effectively do not have marriage equality. Because getting legally married can mean losing access to healthcare, caregivers, and life-sustaining support. "We are the porcelain dolls of capitalism. Beautiful to look at—then put away." This conversation will challenge you. It challenged me. If you let it, it will change you.  It changed me.  I woke up that morning thinking things were relatively fair. I went to sleep knowing I was wrong. We also reference Saprea, a resource for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. 1 in 8 children are sexually abused before the age of 18. If that's part of your story, you're not alone. Jessica's work—including her project SPANKBOX—pushes people to confront how they think about disability, sexuality, and autonomy. It's uncomfortable. It's confrontational. And it's necessary. You'll hear everything as it happened: The pauses. The background noise. The MARTA. The sound of her powerchair shifting so she can breathe. I left it all in—so you can feel what it was like to be there. And the episode ends the way it ends. In real time. Jessica looks outside. The sky is turning. We leave so I can get her home before the rain hits. No perfect closing. No neat resolution. Just life continuing. "They're going to talk about it… not to your face, but behind your back." Not here. We say it out loud. This episode follows directly from Episode 3.12: Breaking Every Box. Jessica will be back. There's more to her story—especially the protest work she's been doing—and we'll bring you all of it. Check out more by searching "Loving Kindness Everyday" or "Kindness Calloway" online.