Long-Term Sexual Chemistry: The Spark Myth and Pleasure over Desire

In this episode of Good Girls, we talk about keeping the romance and sexual chemistry alive in long-term relationships, especially as parents. Drawing heavily from Emily Nagoski’s Come Together, we explore her ideas around pleasure as the real measure of a good sex life, responsive versus spontaneous desire, and why constantly chasing “the spark” can actually make things worse.We talk about sexual seasons (including those deep winter phases), scheduling sex without killing the vibe, and shifting from obligation to mutual enjoyment. Whether you’re in a long-term monogamous relationship or just trying to keep things hot after years together, this episode is full of practical wisdom (thanks to Queen E), garden metaphors, and reassurance that it’s normal for desire to ebb and flow. Emily Nagoski continues to be our favorite sex educator.