Lori Gottlieb From the “Dear Therapist” Podcast and Column a Revolutionary On Overcoming Pain

Lori Gottlieb is a psychotherapist, New York Times bestselling author, nationally recognized journalist, and weekly “Dear Therapist” columnist and podcast Dear Therapist. “I’m a psychotherapist and a writer, and in both of these roles, I believe that our stories form the core of our lives and give them deeper meaning.  As a writer I ask, “What does the protagonist want and what is keeping that person from getting it?” As a therapist I ask the same questions.  In both the therapy room and at my writing desk, I do a lot of editing of these stories: What material is extraneous? Is the story advancing or is the protagonist going in circles? Do the plot points reveal a theme?” In her most recent book Maybe You Should Talk to Someone she looks at how revising our well-worn stories help us move forward and heal. In this book she talks about how she had a crisis that causes her world to come crashing down, so she starts therapy with a therapist and talks about many of the same questions that her clients have. In doing this she is able to reveal our blind spots and examine the truth and fiction we tell ourselves. This book is a portrait on what it means to be human. One of the tools she talks about is changing your story. Each of us writes the story we hear in our mind. Our thoughts can come in without our help.  But we choose which thoughts to give meaning and listen to. If a thought comes in and we dismiss it and do not give it power or significance the thought will not stay. We have the power to choose our thoughts, that is what it is to be human. Another tool she talks about is “Idiot Compassion” So many people are happy to jump on and attack anyone that did something to annoy you. You tell a story about a boss or a partner and people jump on and say “that was terrible”, ``Screw them”, “Your right they are wrong” Giving them the power and taking away your agency. “Wise Compassion” is holding up a mirror so you can see what stories are going on in your life. That is what we can do for you in coaching with me. I provide wise compassion and help you get what you want. This is a great way to move on and overcome the pain. She states that most people do not realize how much agency they have. That we are all “unreliable narrators” Most of us tell stories from the viewpoint that we experienced them at. If the story happened at age 8 we look at it through the lens of an 8 year old even when we are 80. This is what we choose. We could look at it as an adult but we do not. You have the ability to choose what your response will be, to a given circumstances or relationships. We all know that there are horrible circumstances in this world. We don’t need to argue that. But the fact is that even in the most horrible of circumstances you have the ability to choose the story you tell about it and how you will respond. This tool of practicing your agency and choosing your story will give you the ability to move past the pain you feel. Please subscribe to this podcast and also join the Facebook group. Also, here is the spot to click and set up a time so we can discuss how you can use these tools and others to get your amazing life!