Welcome to the Mariners Church Life Group Leader Podcast. This week the conversation is designed to equip and resource youth to build a healthy life group community that studies God's word, practice the spiritual rhythms and changes the world together. Welcome Life Group Leaders to this week's edition of the Life Group Leader Podcast. We are on week three of losing it, overcoming the grip of anger and the sermon this week is on replacing anger.
We're going to be looking at that great passage from Ephesians 4, 25 through 32 and how we can begin to understand and navigate the real emotion of anger and how that could be not a hindrance in our relationship, it could be actually something that fosters growth and deeper community with us and others around. So excited to have Tiffany Lyons on the podcast this week. What's up Tiffany? What's up?
I'm glad to be here. Yeah, good to have you. You've got some kind of a Starbucks drink in front of me. What's going on?
Coffee drink of choice. It's so cliche. It's a pumpkin cream cold brew. I thought so.
I think we'll attempt an orange. Yeah. It's a pumpkin cold brew. Pumpkin cream cold brew.
Pumpkin cream cold brew. Yeah. All right. Say that five times fast.
Exactly. Let's see how that goes. Yeah, that's great. Well, this is the season for all of those kinds of drinks.
That's amazing. That's great. We're there, but she loves the fruity, the sugary. Is it fair to say it's coffee?
I guess it's still coffee. Yeah, but I was in middle school. I only thought Starbucks carries fresh. Yeah, that's awesome.
Totally. That's great. Well, thanks for it. It's been a time to be with us.
Absolutely. And we mentioned this last week, but in some upcoming episodes, we want to hear from you. And so we've already sent in some of your questions just around how do you navigate conversations in your group? What do we do if a group gets stuck?
How can we compel our groups towards service, outreach, our outreach weekend campaigns coming up in a couple of weeks? But you may have questions about just me. I want to address this question with our life group team. And so you can email in to lifegroupsatmarinerschurch.org.
And we're going to be reviewing those questions and answering your questions over the next couple of episodes. All right. For now, we're going to jump straight in into this week's questions on replacing anger. All right.
This is going to be tough because you don't strike me as an angry person. Oh, that's so good. Anybody that comes in with a pumpkin cream, whole brew latte or whatever. That's just me.
It's just me. Totally. Yeah, that's it. Don't we all right?
Let's jump in on this. So lean in question. Have you ever had a home reservation project? What was the project?
And how long did it take? Anything come to mind for you on that question? Well, years ago, I bought a home in Missouri and there was no like, I'm calling home renovation and stretch, but there was like no walkway to the door and there was no, there was no plans and things like that. So I decided to like try to do something, but I am so not handy.
So everything that I did it was supposedly a super simple project. And I actually, this is what gets me the most angry. If I have to hang a picture on the wall, I have to do any sort of like home renovation stuff. I just have zero ability.
I think that if that was spiritual, you can test it against school. I think it's sort of to like on home renovation I get the most angry when I try to do stuff like that But what's amazing is years later I look back at the house. I'm like dang. That's great.
I'm with you on that I mean, I'm I'm gonna vary the level of different sort of skills, but Home renovation like home repair stuff. Oh, man It's it's struggle bus. We were up in the Bay Area helping my wife So if you had move into a new space and I got handed a sander tool and sand the stairs and we had the movies He has a chairlift that he accessed take that thing off the stairs and move it back and forth and replace blinds and all this stuff There's probably really easy most of your listening thinking that doesn't sound like anything, but it was it was not fun It was not but I think there's something in the question of yeah points of frustration, right? But I love what you said like even looking back and thinking oh wow, but something beautiful beautiful came out of that And I think that's the point of this question is getting us to think about Yeah, things that can be frustrating could be sources of of anger or we could feel overwhelmed But actually if we address it in the right way that there could be some beauty that comes on the back end of it So that's great.
All right, so don't ask Tiffany and I to come to do any home renovation stuff fair fair play Alright, let's jump into the passage. I'm actually gonna read it and as I read it There's a couple of questions that are prompts here and just again I like your videos when we look at the look down question I know we say this quite often we do mean like physically look down look down at the passage And then you want to as we're gonna do now a state what the questions are before you read the passage and then encourage your members Okay, let's look at the passage together and even here We've got pins and we're gonna mark things up as you look at the passage because look down is focused on God's word What does God's word God's word say about the question here again? This isn't the time where we're and sometimes it happens naturally that's great But we're not inviting a whole lot of sort of extra stories that's gonna come from our life But this is let's focus on what the passage says so a couple of questions here as you read from Ephesians 4 What do you learn about the activity of anger? What do you learn about the activity of anger and then what things are we given to help combat anger?
So just what do you learn what do you observe about anger from the passage and then also in the passage? What are the things that we are given to help encourage us to combat anger? Alright, so I'll read it and then Tiffany and I will note our observations here Alright Ephesians 4 25 or 32 it says therefore putting away lying speak the truth each one to his neighbor because we are members of one another Be angry and do not sin do not let the sun go down on your anger and do not give the devil an opportunity Let the thief no longer steal instead He is to do honest work with his own hands so that he has something to share with anyone in need No foul language should come from your mouth But only what is good for building up someone in need so that gives grace to those who hear first 30 and do not grieve the Holy Spirit You were sealed by him for the day of redemption let all bitterness anger and wrath shouting and slander be removed from you along with all malice And be kind and compassionate to one another forgiving one another just as God also forgave you Alright, so reminding ourselves of the questions what you learn about anger or the activity of anger and what things are we given to help combat or overcome our anger? Let's work through what stands out Tiffany I think the first thing that stands out is when it says be angry and do not sin So I think and sometimes you can think of angry the anger as in emotion and so the minute we feel angry like maybe you come face Something that provokes that emotion we think oh that itself could be a sin But I love it says be angry and do not sin don't let this up go down your anger So there's not shame in the initial like anger right that we feel but we have the ability to hold on to it and sin or To be angry into not sin and so that was the first thing that gave my mind.
That's great Yeah, and I love to the scripture doesn't shy away from from the reality of the emotion of anger and as you said It gives us even the permission to be be angry like that's actually a part of what it means to be an integrated person And as they were talked about in the message like you know Culturists telling us and we're finding out that well just expressing your anger in different ways that are harmful He talks about got a rage rooms or suppressing your anger We're discovering that neither those are really bringing us into healing and so scripture gives us a different way right to actually address address the anger So yeah be angry but do not sin I love it don't let the sun go down in your anger, but what do we learn about that? What do you think scriptures telling us on that phrase? Well, it goes directly into don't give the devil the opportunity. I think we hang on to anger That's not good for us.
Yeah, like when we do that then we can easily shift into sin and even by just holding on to anger It turns into bitterness and it turns into like the way we view people and what we do reality is now totally through the filter of this anger That's now front and center and so I think scripture here tells us that we know how powerful anger can be in our lives in the negative way Yeah, and so much so that we say don't give the devil the opportunity right? Yeah, it's great. Yeah, the level this side of down in anger is because we all know right that the longer that we Sit and focus on a hurt or a hang up or a habit or something that's happened Like it begins to build up it begins to fester and we start telling ourselves stories and narratives that aren't actually actually true Yeah, and so there's a sense of be aware of what it is take inventory of what it is and and move an appropriate way towards towards falling the healing on the other side of it because it is a sin to be angry No, but it can't lead towards a sin as you're right that don't give the devil an opportunity And you know that we're in a moment of rage we're often not thinking clearly We're moving towards rash actions or harming ourselves or others and that's where destruction can really can really come Even in verse 31 like let all bitterness anger and wrath shouting and slander be removed from you. Yeah, I just think so many times In our society we feel like this is such a normal part of life.
We're angry. So then I will be upset I will yell. I mean there was a guy getting on the plane with me that was yelling So much of everyone on the plane was just on edge Yeah, it was over something so little and but like in our society it feels like that's just normal Like you feel this way so you act this way. Yeah, and I love that scripture showing us there's a different way that's right Yeah, other things that we see to hear about anger Love what you just hit on that is often attached to to bitterness bitterness every Zentment Wrath often there's an activity like you just said with a guy in the airplane shouting in slander There's a few other things that are fat-filed language.
There's things here that are often attached to the activity of anger and In verse 30 don't grieve the Holy Spirit or told that what does that mean that anger would not handle properly can grieve Grieve the Holy Spirit So you can all look at that too, but if you look at the flip side of that question then what things are we given to help combat combat anger? What do we see in the passage? I love that we in verse 30 it works. Sorry.
It's with don't grieve the Holy Spirit, but you were sealed by him Yeah For the day of redemption and I love that because if we only see all these things we shouldn't do without that one verse then that's a Love for us to handle. Yeah, I mean, I feel like okay. I feel like I'm angry And so now I want to do all these things but I'm gonna use like my own shrink Yeah, to not do all of these things But I love that verse because this this shows that this is so much beyond me That's right And so I love that we're sealed for the day of redemption and always here is in us and and that's what it helps us combat this anger Right, that's really good. Yeah, that we can get stuck on the hamster wheel of like sin management Uh, and often forget that man We're sealed by the Holy Spirit for the day for the day of redemption that we have everything that we need to overcome sin is within us Not because of who we are but because the Holy Spirit is calm and moved in and reminds us who we are It enables us to follow remember everything that Jesus taught me and all these beautiful things Um, and then of course, um verse 32 be kind and compassionate to one another And as you said like if it was just be kind of compassionate towards one another do it do it, you know Just just do it better But the real the incredible hook truth here is just as God has also Forgave you in Christ.
Why do you think that's important to combating anger that last part of the passage? Because it helps shift our perspective. Yeah, often we're angry because we're justified in our anger Yeah, um, and so I love that as we're looking at this. There's not one part of this that's saying no You really weren't wrong.
No, you really weren't offended. We're not even talking about that Uh, we're talking about our response to perhaps a real offense or a real thing that hurts and um And so when I think about this this helps shift our perspective because when we're thinking about that one thing that's causing so much anger And the person or the situation it's easy for us just like you said to hyper focus on it And that's the only narrative that we're seeing like everything else gets blurry in our lives But what this does is it lifts our perspective to remember that we've also offended that we've offended other people Um and because we are forgiving people we can forgive come on. That's great. Come on Tiffany.
I'll preach a little bit That's what I'll say. Yeah, and Eric has this great reminder in here about you can remove your anger by remembering your savior That's it remembering your savior's love grace mercy compassion and what he's done for you Which actually brings us into gratitude and worship and impacts our relationships, right? So just as God has also forgave you in Christ. We've been forgiven much and so we forgive We think about this much as great All right ready to move to the lookout section Uh, let me read this question.
It says the American psychologist association Uh, says the underlining message of highly angry people is that they say this that things should go my way Do you agree or disagree with this quote and why? So let's try to get to how we see anger play out um in the world around us And what it's saying is there's often this connection between um anger and and control anger and control wanting things are our way What do you think Tiffany? Do you see that? Does that resonate in what you see?
Totally totally I think Even in myself, unfortunately like when I get angry it's because things didn't go my way, you know, like even going back to the renovation You know questions, right typically it's because I didn't do this particular thing the way I wanted to do it or or the things aren't as easy as I expected That to be and so it's this misaligned expectations, but I think it's totally makes sense. Yeah, for sure. That's right Yeah, it is often in uh I'm not just remembering a story at what time of a you know, I was a church kid So and we go church all time and you go out to eat the church after church all the time on on uh Sunday morning lunch Wednesday night and then Sunday night we would go to baker's square Which I didn't even know people are gonna know what is what is that thing when it was a little restaurant up in the Bay Area? I never got out one time with a some family and you know I was just a kid at that time and and my friend who couldn't have been much more than five or six years old ordered his meal And it came out, you know, whatever it was chicken pears and fries or something at that age He just flipped out totally lost control through the biggest tantrum ever seen in the middle of the restaurant and what he kept screaming was it doesn't look like the picture It doesn't look like the picture And I think there's something there's some truth in that right like we have an idea of how we want to control our circumstances and what things are gonna look like And when they don't you know, we start telling ourselves stories start to manipulate other people and we can we can lash out in some real real unhealthy ways, right?
Yeah, I mean I think about their stories like that. We're just a spherical I have a three-year-old niece and so things often spoke over with yeah Yeah, and boy do we know about it and sometimes it's like it's situational or it's like you can identify one scene in your life And that's why you got angry But I think sometimes it can go to like seasonal like and so I think like I've single I talked to a lot of people who are single and who are older than they They're older than they thought they would be when they're not married Yeah, and so I have friends that are unfortunately like they're angry they're angry at their their misaligned expectations It's not what the picture look like yeah when they were younger And so I even see people being mad at seasons or they're mad at God for things not going with the way that they want And often it's not an outburst, but it's like it's now just like sits on them Yes, they're normal, you know and they're gonna look so different on different people That's right which which really or this would be the great like second cut to this lookout question You're starting to hear stories before telling things of where they seen it and that the follow-up could be should be okay But what does that look like what are the results of that kind of attitude on a person somebody who is always trying to control somebody who's flying off the edge over the time? Where have you seen that what are the effects that that has on that person in their relationships? What do you think Tiffany how does that play out?
Typically it's everyone else's fault. Yeah, it's a lot of statements like that like let me go with the marriage thing for now You know often all your people say well, there's just not any good Christian men. I don't leave that I take a personal salt to that Yeah Easy What I don't like about that statement is that it's now all of the single Christian men in the world's fault You know or I'm like girl. You're just not fun to be around because you got to chip on your shoulder You know saying like I mean you wouldn't want to date you know the way that you're acting So sometimes when we're angry in a situation even if it's real pain or you know the pictures not we thought then we actually turn into a worse version of Ourself and so I know it could be any scenario You're not in the career you want or whatever and so you're like well I'll be the best version of myself when film the blank right and so I'll be less angry I'll be less whatever but typically we think that the better version of ourself is actually happen in our situation changes That's right.
Yeah, it's based on circumstances right. Yeah, that's really good. That's awesome. Okay.
Okay. Look look in portion here Then says when was the time you saw God take anger or hurt and turn it around towards reconciliation? So when have you seen anger or hurt turn into something that was reconciled restored? That's one question you can ask I think if I'm sitting with my group and I'm gonna be sitting with my group this I'm around this question.
I might even phrase it of hey What would it look like for you to remove anger and remember your savior? What are the things that you put in your life that can help you remember your savior and how does that help you come back anger? So you can answer two different questions right of when was the time you see anger and hurt turn towards reconciliation or if we're Taking the through line, which I think really is the pieces of this message is remove anger by remembering your savior I might use a question along those lines. What does that look like for you to focus on your savior?
What he's done and how does that help remove anger and bitterness in your own life? So I have those questions to be for you. I think to go with the second question. Yeah And I'm gonna be more intentional this week like as I look at this question to do this But I think anytime anger rises up and I recognize oh yeah I'm angry because perhaps I was wrong perhaps the picture doesn't you know doesn't match the picture whatever maybe Like go to God with that right away, you know and say gun I'm angry I don't know why but I also don't want this to have a foothold so Will you help me with this and and then in that I love just like rehearsing I have to I have to rehearse these truths For me to for my heart to follow right and so God I ask you help me with this But also I know that I'm a sinner I know that you have forgiven me so much so would you please help me focus on the gratitude that I can have when I really know that I Have so let you know throughout my life and continue to forgive me So let me extend that forgiveness to other people and so it's it's rehearsing I think honestly I could probably create Ephesians 4 25 to 32 to God over and over again, and I think that that that that will help me It'll be automatic or easy.
Yeah, but I think That's awesome really good to me. I love that. Yeah, and I think I think for me too. There's a like when there is Apparently not a lot of margin.
Maybe you're rushing running and there's a lot of space and I know for me That's when I'm not operating as healthy as I should be that I'm more susceptible towards little little pings and little hurts That I would maybe normally just walk off But when you feel you know if you ever feel like you're Overwhelmed then yeah, you put on these offenses and they're gonna be seen so much larger than they actually are so it's right It's that how do you how do you create space to sit and to meditate and to think about what God has done and to have? You know that that time where worship is meaningful and is impactful How are you receiving what God has done through relationship relationship with others creating the space and this reservoir? So that when you're when you're cut like the first offense is it like you bleed out hurt and resentment and bitterness But you bleed out God's grace and reconciliation because that's what you have received And that's the overflow easier said than done, but the spiritual practices and disciplines are are there for us They're there for us not that we find healing through them But they create an environment for healing to become possible that makes sense. So great awesome Well lots of different ways to take that conversation Look, I hope that you're hearing from Tiffany and I like there's a bit of modeling of the questions are here and the questions are a great guide for you But we want you and you should feel free to man be discerning in your group to reword the questions to listen to the sermon this weekend And and maybe rephrase some of the questions how you might write them when you're following this kind of framework Right of that lean in get people talking look down look at God's word look out where you see this in the world around you What are the effects of it and then look in what's the challenge for you?
What's the application for you this week? Awesome, Tiffany. Well, thanks so much. Thanks.
Jump in. Yeah, anything else you got for us? I would just say one of the things that you said just prompted this but often it's easy to identify the anger in us When we get to the point of shouting like I think about that guy in the airport Yeah, and I was talking about life group this week about this past or I guess it'd be two weeks ago's message My group said I don't have a problem with anger and then as we continue to dive in by the end We're like oh man, we all have a problem with anger But what I love is we don't have to wait until we lose it to understand that we have a problem with anger to address it So I was just thinking that when I start to know internally that I'm like walking around with less grace because I'm like stressed to the max Is when I start to get easily irritated with people and so anyway So that was just the last thought that I had is when we're looking at ourselves and evaluating instead of putting anger only in the category of losing it But like what if we also said like what are those triggers? What are those like shifts in our spirit?
Right that we can address now before we actually send yeah, and so anyway, so that's another trigger for me that I was like Okay, that's great. So that's super helpful. I'm glad you had that Thank you so much and lastly before we sign off life group leaders We just wanted to make you aware of a workshop that we are hosting here at Mariners Irvine on Sunday October 1st Following our 1130 service in the upper room It is called practical hope for anger and forgiveness and so you might want to circulate that within your life group This is a great space where people can learn more about what it means to push through the barriers of anger and forgiveness That's gonna be sponsored by our care recovery ministry We got some experts are gonna be in the room with us as well and so great workshop to make your groups aware of and to join us All right, you guys. Thank you so much for your time.
We'll see you on this space the next week