Losing My Religion

Episode #382: Zack Tu Nan, a queer, ethnic Zaiwa activist and student living in the Netherlands, reflects on his journey through marginalization, faith, identity, and exile. Born in 1994 in—literally—a rice field in Kachin State while his parents fled military violence, Zack grew up in a remote village run by the Kachin Independence Army (KIA), where he enjoyed a rich, traditional Zaiwa upbringing. But entering a Burmese state school in Loi Jai exposed him to Bamar cultural domination—his family name was stripped away, his pronunciation mocked, and even his given name, “Tu Nan,” ridiculed.As a gender-nonconforming child, Zack lacked the language and social space to express his queerness. Raised in a rigidly Christian environment, he internalized the belief that his identity was sinful. Coming out later created tensions within his devout community. Eventually, he sought healing through personal “decolonization”—reclaiming Zaiwa animist practices, oral traditions, and Zaiwa cosmology, which he now hopes to preserve through a documentary film.After passing the national exam, Zack studied dentistry in Mandalay but found the system stifling. He later attended an online U.S. university while teaching Zumba in Yangon. Political activism for IDPs put him at risk, prompting his asylum claim in the Netherlands. Rejected and detained for deportation, COVID disrupted the process; he escaped from the facility and lived undocumented for a year before finally securing asylum.Despite loneliness and backlash, Zack remains committed to cultural survival. “The past is still haunting me here right now in the present,” he says, “but I carry the weight of my family, my kinship, my people and my community.”