LOST

What this episode covers

Hey... Welcome to THE TEENAGER'S DIARY where you hear the different feelings, thoughts, and emotions of the teenager. Well, this is your host, SHADOW SPARKLING. I'm a different teen of 14 and I hope to enlighten you by sharing everything I have. Well,... Today, we are going to talk about "LOST". And like always, I would love if you keep an open-mindset while listening to this. Another month went by. I know that it’s LATE, in the sense of YOU reading this. I am writing this on first May. After a long gap of… 8 days, I’m writing again. Well, I had been a little busy. Or I think writing wasn’t a PRIORITY. Probably. Well, this has been pretty shitty month. A month which taught me lot. Also made me lost too. Well, that’s today’s topic after all. SHE’S UNBREAKABLE. After our misunderstanding and exchange of some rough words, I have been DISTANT. I think I have. With the girl I love. Well, she doesn’t even like me. She has been tensed recently and is blocking something, hiding something, concealing it from the world, even to herself, perhaps. She… I don’t know if anyone has given me such a tension in this world like her. But still, it’s fine. Mentally, SHE’S STRONG. SHE’S UNBREAKABLE. I don’t think I have to worry about her. OTHERS...#notimportant. Enough with HER, I finished LIMITLESS, this month. It’s an awesome book by Jim Kwik. It took me eleven days. More than average. Generally, a book of 250-300 words is done in 7-8 days but this guy stayed a lot. I’m kinda glad it stayed because it TAUGHT me a lot. Speeding up, upgrading your brain, being LIMITLESS all of it would be covered in the next entry. My followers are growing on Instagram through that Follow-Unfollow strategy. Everything is great except… THE FIRST DROPS. Well, yesterday, after a long dry hot week, it rained. The previous day before that, it was windy. But the first drop on my mortal body felt great. It was awesome. Rain came little by little. It was the wind who directed it. It was surely the wind. Changing its direction. Probably, preventing the single drops to mind their direction. But that too in the sense, of not making them LOST. Well, there’s a song called Lost, and the artist’s name is Lost Sky. It’s too lost among the crowds of good songs. I WOULD SURELY DROWN ??. Sometimes, we do get lost. Right? All that matters is who we are, where we are and what we are doing. Cutting the crap, EVERYONE IS FIGURING OUT. SOMETHING. That something, if could change the way they think. And in the end, it will change who they are. Sitting at the second last bench (Now, I have to sit in the boy’s side in the class), I’ve noticed my own reflection. There are no mirrors. Just the eyes of the people and my peers I could dive into. I don’t know how to swim, and if I could go DIVE DEEP. I would SURELY DROWN. THE BLANK WALL. It’s different with HER. Sometimes I feel like falling into her distant blank eyes and then, I don’t know what happens, I have to look away. I don’t know how she feels, but that eye contact has always been DEEP. Something which I lack with anyone. That too SOMETIMES. Getting LOST… is written upon the face, I see within people’s eyes. You know, that reflection on their eyes of your face when they talk to you… It’s good to stare at the blank wall, realizing you would NEVER FIT IN. PURE LOVE HENTAI ?? #notimportant. Well, I think it’s my fault at most times. I would admit it. ‘Probably I was born under a bad star’. That’s from a hentai I watched. It was something The High Schooler Who Got Grouped… Something like that. It was so awesome. I mean I hadn’t seen any pure love sex recently and some LOVE-MAKING (not SEX) scenes were hot enough to make anyone jerk off. Well, that broke my 6 days streak, but that’s okay. I remember a time, when I had the habit of masturbating every day. And now, practicing NoFap, it’s pretty awesome feeling and satisfaction you get when you prevent your instincts and then consciously let go when the time comes. After all, I’m not LOST in these fields. ABYSS. LOST is the four-lettered word Ma once warned me about. It was the day when she cried, about me getting destroyed. I stung in my heart too. I think NO ONE’S GOT IT ALL FIGURED OUT. And there are parts where we with out imaginations fill the gaps which exist. Most parts are like that. Glad we have a mind to think with. Because if I had to lead with any other thing, I would have been kicked out of my own house. From less-lost to thrown-into-an-abyss. After all, YOU DON’T LET A SPECK OF LIGHT FOOL YOU, IT’S A ABYSS- A DEEP DARK PIT WITH NO END. SURVIVING MODE. Being lost is good, it trains your mind to be in surviving mode. That SURVIVING MODE is what prevents a lot of us from suiciding right now. Suicide- leaving this world, is so fucking easy and there are more ways than you think. One could even die of a heart break. I didn’t know that. Whenever we are lost, it isn’t important how we are lost or how much we have lost. All that matters is, how you back up and how fast you get on the less wrong track from what you were. I just like Jim Kwik said in his book, ‘It’s not important how smart you are, all that matters is how you are smart.’ ESCAPE THIS WORLD. Well, I do write a lot whenever I type and it’s good. For my own lost self. A self that wants to merge with its Creator. All those which obstacles our union are just my dreams, and materialistic goals and aspirations. Well, I’m working towards them and every morning whenever I am meditating. SOMETIMES ALL I WANT IS, TO CLOSE MY EYES AND ESCAPE THIS WORLD. I want it all to end. All of it. Every little piece of it. Yet things remain the same. Well, why would the universe listen to me? I’m just a PUNY MORTAL. YOU STILL HAVE YOURSELF. I recently realized that it’s more important to be mature than to be strong or powerful. Because with MATURITY comes the conscious choice. The choice to remain afloat or just getting drowned by all those shitty things that happen. An important thing to know is, JUST BECAUSE LIFE HAS BEEN UNFAIR TO YOU, IT DOESN’T GIVE YOU THE PERMISSION TO WALK ON THE WRONG PATH. That’s borrowed from Sadhguru. And an important thing that I have been taught is, “EVEN IF YOU FAIL AT EVERYTHING, YOU STILL HAVE YOURSELF.” That’s again borrowed from Ankur Warikoo. Well, so whenever it’s LOST, just know sometimes it’s okay to be lost and no one’s have it all figured. No one’s crazy at the same time. Yet there are stages which are inevitable. And every mortal must go through them. Overcome them. CRUCIBLES. There are unlimited crucibles in life. And sometimes it’s tough getting going. I understand that. There are moments when we all wanted to die. You know, for me, SOMETIMES I THOUGHT I DIED, A PART OF ME WISHED I HAD. But that’s okay. Getting out of that pit, takes effort and when you do, you are changed. You are so so changed that you would never recognize the guy standing in the mirror. Don’t worry. It would pleasant at that time. There are NO COMPASS in the real life. Life’s a bitch. Either you fucking let it crumble and crush you. Or go out of there, and show that bitch who’s the master. And lost is the way sometimes. Of going FORWARD. Because when you are lost, you make mistakes. Those mistakes teach you to be a better person. They train you hard enough to be strong. And after you have adjusted to the way, YOU BECOME UNSTOPPABLE & UNBREAKABLE. And so, it’s good to be LOST. ?? That will be all . Thanks for being till the end. Sign up to my weekly newsletter , where I will remind you about the things you might have missed. It's FREE and will come on SUNDAYS . You just have to scroll down to the footer. 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