EPISODE · Jan 22, 2026 · 52 MIN
Loving vs Fixing: The Fine Line That Breaks Relationships
from Together- The Sacred We · host Michael Elliott and Courtney Wren
Do you find yourself constantly trying to help, coach, or fix your partner — and still feeling disconnected, resentful, or exhausted?In this powerful episode of the Together Podcast, Mike & Courtney explore the subtle but destructive line between loving someone and trying to fix them. While fixing often looks like care, support, or problem-solving, it frequently masks anxiety, control, and an avoidance of our own inner work — and it quietly erodes intimacy, polarity, and trust.Drawing from deeply personal stories from their past relationships and their current marriage, Mike & Courtney unpack the fixer–fixee dynamic, why it’s so common among helpers, coaches, and healers, and how it creates codependence rather than connection. They introduce practical frameworks like the sticky note theory, the Go First principle, and their sacred no-coaching rule — tools that help couples move out of resentment and back into true partnership.✨ In this episode, you’ll learn:Why fixing feels helpful but damages intimacyThe hidden anxiety underneath the fixer roleHow fixing kills polarity and desireThe difference between reflection, vulnerability, and fixingHow to reclaim your own seat in relationshipChapters:00:00 Introduction to the Podcast01:07 The Fixer Dynamic in Relationships03:06 Personal Stories of Fixing07:10 Realizations and Shifts12:44 The Sticky Note Theory14:02 Mike's Experience with Fixing18:25 The Impact of Fixing on Relationships26:13 Personal Growth and Responsibility29:09 Discovering Self in Relationships30:30 Embodying Your Desires32:50 The Sacred We: A Partnership Approach33:57 The Mirror of Relationships35:53 Navigating Fixer Tendencies38:48 Setting Boundaries and Seeking Support41:54 The Power of Vulnerability44:19 Rules for Healthy Relationships46:30 Trusting the Process51:15 Final Thoughts and Call to Action🎁 Free Gift: Click here to grab your FREE Masculine & Feminine Essence resource https://www.sacredrelating.com/offers/tnF5MFbN/checkout🌱 Living The Sacred We Online Offer for Couples → https://www.sacredrelating.com/sacred-we💛 Work with Mike & Courtney 2:2 → https://www.sacredrelating.com/sacred-relating-couples Work with Mike → https://www.itsmikeelliott.com/coachingWork with Courtney → https://www.courtneywren.com/rebirth📺Subscribe to our YouTube Channel → https://www.youtube.com/@thetogetherpodcast🏹Join the Initiated Man Waitlist→ https://www.itsmikeelliott.com/initiated-man-waitlist💎 Join the Waitlist for The Holy Mama Membership →https://www.courtneywren.com/holymamawaitlistDonation link 👇🙏🏼❤️🌏https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=VWHABJWZ749X4Email:[email protected][email protected]Website:www.itsmikeelliott.comwww.sacredrelaring.comwww.courtneywren.comInstagram:@[email protected] MUSHROOM PRODUCTS: https://mindfulmeds.io/Promo Code: TOGETHERTHE SKIN DEEP CARDS: https://shop.theskindeep.com/collections/allPromo Code: Together15
What this episode covers
Do you find yourself constantly trying to help, coach, or fix your partner — and still feeling disconnected, resentful, or exhausted?In this powerful episode of the Together Podcast, Mike & Courtney explore the subtle but destructive line between loving someone and trying to fix them. While fixing often looks like care, support, or problem-solving, it frequently masks anxiety, control, and an avoidance of our own inner work — and it quietly erodes intimacy, polarity, and trust.Drawing from deeply personal stories from their past relationships and their current marriage, Mike & Courtney unpack the fixer–fixee dynamic, why it’s so common among helpers, coaches, and healers, and how it creates codependence rather than connection. They introduce practical frameworks like the sticky note theory, the Go First principle, and their sacred no-coaching rule — tools that help couples move out of resentment and back into true partnership.✨ In this episode, you’ll learn:Why fixing feels helpful but damages intimacyThe hidden anxiety underneath the fixer roleHow fixing kills polarity and desireThe difference between reflection, vulnerability, and fixingHow to reclaim your own seat in relationshipChapters:00:00 Introduction to the Podcast01:07 The Fixer Dynamic in Relationships03:06 Personal Stories of Fixing07:10 Realizations and Shifts12:44 The Sticky Note Theory14:02 Mike's Experience with Fixing18:25 The Impact of Fixing on Relationships26:13 Personal Growth and Responsibility29:09 Discovering Self in Relationships30:30 Embodying Your Desires32:50 The Sacred We: A Partnership Approach33:57 The Mirror of Relationships35:53 Navigating Fixer Tendencies38:48 Setting Boundaries and Seeking Support41:54 The Power of Vulnerability44:19 Rules for Healthy Relationships46:30 Trusting the Process51:15 Final Thoughts and Call to Action🎁 Free Gift: Click here to grab your FREE Masculine & Feminine Essence resource https://www.sacredrelating.com/offers/tnF5MFbN/checkout🌱 Living The Sacred We Online Offer for Couples → https://www.sacredrelating.com/sacred-we💛 Work with Mike & Courtney 2:2 → https://www.sacredrelating.com/sacred-relating-couples Work with Mike → https://www.itsmikeelliott.com/coachingWork with Courtney → https://www.courtneywren.com/rebirth📺Subscribe to our YouTube Channel → https://www.youtube.com/@thetogetherpodcast🏹Join the Initiated Man Waitlist→ https://www.itsmikeelliott.com/initiated-man-waitlist💎 Join the Waitlist for The Holy Mama Membership →https://www.courtneywren.com/holymamawaitlistDonation link 👇🙏🏼❤️🌏https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=VWHABJWZ749X4Email:[email protected][email protected]Website:www.itsmikeelliott.comwww.sacredrelaring.comwww.courtneywren.comInstagram:@[email protected] MUSHROOM PRODUCTS: https://mindfulmeds.io/Promo Code: TOGETHERTHE SKIN DEEP CARDS: https://shop.theskindeep.com/collections/allPromo Code: Together15
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Loving vs Fixing: The Fine Line That Breaks Relationships
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