The story is me. I got involved in the Russian mafia when I was 22 and we robbed a train. Are you still scared about the Russian mafia? No, I think I've heard good things.
I like opening weekend when you do the movie Ben and Matt have wings. Dogma. Dogma. Please don't watch my movies on silent because you'll turn them off.
I watch them in silent out of respect for your character. Nice. Excellent poll. 100%.
My movie, The Machine, is in theaters this weekend. You can go to themachine.movie to get your tickets. On Thursday the 25th, we'll be doing a limited live stream from the red carpet that'll air roughly 30 minutes before the movie starts. So like I said, go to the Machine.movie and see if there's a theater near you that's holding the live stream.
But on the 26th, the 27th, and 28th is its wide release. Please, I think you're going to love this movie. It is unexpected. It is funny.
There is action. There is killing. There is drugs. Mark Amelsworth's coke.
Let me tell you, I promise you, this is going to be a movie you like. So go to the Machine.movie to get your tickets and I'll see you at the movies. Enjoy the episode. Hey guys, brand new episode of Two Bears, One Cave.
And Tom looks good. You lost weight. I did, man. I really, well, it's Christina, right?
She's got me on the treadmill and you know, I knew her before I met him. For real? Yeah, there was a, I want to say five maybe shit at this point because of the pandemic. It might have been 10 years ago.
We did a pilot. I was doing a pilot for a show called Tenightly. And so they didn't know who to pair me up with as a co-host. I did a version of the show with Ralph Garman.
And then they were like, let's pair you up with women. And the guy who created it was the guy who created the Ellen DeGeneres show and TMZ. So he was like, TMZ needs a companion show for like 6.30 at night. And he was like, I think it could be you.
And so one of the people that I did a pilot with was Christina, who was absolutely wonderful. And again, this is going back like 10 years. She's better than Tom, arguably. You know, I was on Tom's show.
Was it your mom's house? Yeah. And she wasn't there. And tell me about that.
That's called Tom Talks or Tom Talks en Espanol. And no one watches those. He was absolutely delightful. But, you know, I was walking in there looking for the friendly and didn't find her.
And then I was like, well, now I've got to fucking make it work with her husband. But I can make it work with anyone. Let me ask you a question. Does it hurt your feelings when close friends of yours don't come to your movie premieres?
Yes, of course. Okay. Are we going to talk about Ben Affleck right away? Because that's who comes to mind.
I would love to talk about Ben Affleck. But first, if you keep calling him Ben Affleck, I will happily talk about him all. It reminds me of like when Ben was doing Armageddon. Yeah.
I got to say a name that everyone hates, so clench your assholes. Harvey Weinstein, the former chairman of Miramax. I'm dying to talk about him too. Harvey Weinstein.
Harvey Weinstein, Ben Affleck. Would call it Armageddon. And we were all like, is he saying it on purpose or does he not know that it's pronounced Armageddon? Now, that being said, least egregious thing the man ever fucking did.
Let's be honest. What, make Armageddon? I'm sorry I brought the room down. No, no, no, no.
Mispronouncing Armageddon. I jokingly said to my daughter downstairs, I go, well, I was talking about you. And I said, yeah, he worked, they worked with Harvey Weinstein. Harvey Weinstein still owes them money.
And then I said, you know, maybe I'll say like, you know, a lot of people talk bad about Harvey Weinstein, but what were some of his good training? This is going to be a short podcast. Was he really a cunt? Even not knowing all the horrible shit, which we didn't.
Some people were like, how could you not know? It's like, hey, I fucking saw the dude when we made a movie. It's not like we palled around or something like that. But even given all that shit, not knowing that shit, he was pretty horrible.
Really? Yeah, one time he, here, this is like, here's a story I don't think I've ever told already. So I made this movie called Zack and Miri Make a Pornhub. Yeah, with Seth Rogen.
Who's wonderful in the fucking movie. Yeah, he's fucking, he's awesome. Dude, put down Hollywood, put down Hollywood. Keep going.
Put down Hollywood? No, no, no, no. Hollywood sucks. I hung out with Arnold Schwarzenegger today.
Was he here? No, no, no. We went and worked out at Gold's Gym. Together?
Together, yeah. I'm running my movie The Machine. Is he in it? No, no.
I'm cutting off. He's got a TV show on Netflix called Fubar. And so we're doing a cross promotion. And after we're all done, you've got to tell me how to be successful.
Dude, you are a legend. Are you showing people the fucking hat collection? No, my hat game's sick. Can I just tell people, like, I don't want to tell you how to school, but I come to this really nice fucking house in the valley, meet Bert's entire fucking family, and then find out it's not his family estate.
That's somewhere else. And it's fucking 88 acres. This is just where he works. You are doing shit right.
Well, I got really lucky a couple times. It's talent and fucking shit. Also the same thing. It's when your preparation meets opportunity.
I mean, if you want to use pithy bullshit and pull off the internet, yes, then Arnold's right. But it's absolutely right. I want to talk about Hollywood and what it used to be like. Because usually we write them at the front when we do two bears, but that's just in case we want to pull something up on the internet.
I also want to point out for the folks at home, you have a fucking team of at least 12 people working on this podcast. I've been podcasting since 2007. You know who my team is? Fucking me.
Also, you have cameras, which I guess is now David Gore in the world of podcasts. Yeah, it's got to be. When I started, it was all podcasts. You started, you started.
Hold on. Don't let me forget Zach and Miriam. You started the podcast game. Like you, Rogan, Mark.
With all due respect, I'm pre-Rogan and pre-Mark. You were the first. I'm working on the first. The first Adam Curry is the pod fog.
Yes. Oddly enough. When I started, I was doing some podcasts. Like the top 10 in the podcasting world was This Week in Tech with Leo Laporte.
The Happy Tree Friends, which was an animated like cartoon podcast. Bill Maher's After Time, like whatever he did for real time. They were doing After Time or whatever. So it wasn't even a dedicated podcast.
It was just something they shot and put up there. And there was no Mark. There was no Nerdist. There was no Joe.
I remember when Joe Rogan hit me up and was like, hey man, is Fleshlight a real thing? Should I use them as a sponsor? And I was like, number one, they're a real thing. Number two, like you'll get free Fleshlights.
At the very least. They sent me a box of 14 Fleshlights and I used them on my, yeah, I guess that's the way to say it. I fucked them. I fucked them.
Right? Oh yeah. I just had a meeting with like Business Weekly and they were trying to explain how I run my business. And I said, everything we work with, Liquid Death, Ollipop, everything we work with is something I enjoy.
So that's how we got there. And I go, I think it started with the Fleshlight. I remember Rogan going like, everyone's like, you shouldn't use the Fleshlight. It's not a great sponsor.
It's going to, and then I said, I said to Joe, I said, so you really going to use them? He goes, have you fucked one yet? I said, no. He goes, fuck one.
And I was like, hey man, can you get them to sponsor? I honestly felt like that was a great equalizer. Like, I'm not, I ain't getting into a gender war here, but women have had vibrators since the fucking turn of the century or since washer machines existed and shit. And there was never anything for the man.
And suddenly this was game changer. It was like, now I have something to bring into my marriage. You want to keep yours right there? I'm going to keep mine right here.
But I was ever too embarrassed to use it in front of my way. Because it does kind of look goofy. Yeah. Yeah.
I see videos of the importance of girls doing it to their guy. And I'm like, no, that doesn't make sense. I've never seen that. Let's go back to the Business Weekly at all.
Fuck, you're doing it right. No, I'm not. I mean, guys are doing it. I was on fucking your mom's house.
They also have a facility. Well, I'm really lucky that I'm friends with Tom and Joe. And so I've kind of been able to kind of scoop off of them and realize what they've done that I've liked. Like, I never liked the renting a place, renting a warehouse.
But both Tom and Joe were like, swear by it. I like owning the house. I want to own the property. So you own this house?
Yeah, own this house. And then, and then, uh, but I'm podcasting. From podcasting. And also the stand-up.
But do you feel the podcasting and the stand-up went hand-in-hand? For example, I thought in 2007, when I started podcasting, I thought I was brilliant. Because I was like, I figured out a business model where you record a free show. And then that makes people show up to see your show when you're in town.
And I thought that was the end. The end-all be-all be-all end-all. And then I never even considered advertising until somebody like, I was like, podcasting's free. And then one day, like a year into it, my business manager was like, free for everyone else.
The server costs are fucking killing you. And I was like, what's that? So at that point, I was like, I have to get money for this somehow, other than me performing live. That's why I reached out to Flashlight.
They sent me a very lovely letter after Zach Amir and Megaporno, which we'll get back to. I'm saying, because we featured in the movie, they're like, hey, have you ever want to do like a Kevin Smith mouth Flashlight, which I was way into the idea of like, fuck my mouth, I'm Kevin Smith. They were like, reach out to us and we'll do it. And so I reached out to them to be like, hey, we do a podcast and there's server costs and stuff.
So would you like to be like our Geritol member, like 21 on Quiz Show? It's like they had a sponsor, Geritol sponsored the whole thing. I was like, we need a sponsor. And we're never going to get like fucking Pampers or Wonder Bread.
But I was like, this fuck toy company seems like a good fucking fit. I hope you know the whole story. You know the whole story? Because if you don't, you don't want to put it on your mouth.
I already do. Walked into this place, met your lovely family, saw your staff of 100. And I was like, I'm doing life completely fucking wrong. You know the guy that reached out to you about doing Flashlights?
Yeah, yeah. Aubrey? Yeah. Well, him and Joe started a company.
You know that, right? No. On it. So Joe, so you, I mean, this is like, this is like, what do they sell?
Hold on. So Aubrey's like, Aubrey's a badass dude, right? He gets a Flashlight, he reaches out to you. You introduced him to Joe.
I reached out to him. Yeah, right. You reached out to him. About being a sponsor.
But they did. You sent him up with Joe. Yes. He meets Joe.
And then he says to Joe, would you like to start a supplement company? And Joe said, yes. They started a supplement company that just sold for like $900 billion. Oh my God.
You're right. Do you have a gun? Do you have a hat collection? Is there a gun under a hat?
No, but I think. You're going to send me back into a mental health facility hearing that. We're talking about that today. Right?
That's not. Your thing is, my dad one time told me I wanted to open a bar called Rickshaw's. And we had Rickshaw's. It would be like, I'm going to see like five Rickshaw's.
And our deal was called Rick and then Shaw's. But it was, and the idea was, if you live within half a mile, we'll pick you up and take you home and Rickshaw. That is fucking brilliant. Okay.
And so I'm not even a drinker or a bar guy, but I can see the value. My dad goes, buddy, uh, God didn't give you a ton of skills. So like, don't think that just because you got successful stand up, you can start opening bars. He goes, stay in your lane.
Oh my God. What a fatherly piece of advice. He's like, I don't want you to, but like, I've done some business. It's always in stand up.
It's always in stand up for podcasting. And for us, for us, podcasting was for me and Joe and Tom, it was social media to get people to shows. Yes. And I think people specifically come out.
I know for a fact because of this show right here and Rickcast, that is why they come to my shows. That's how the podcast, Hollywood Babylon, I didn't do. That's a great guy. Amazing.
That's a great fucking guy. And James Allen, Bob, get old. Like in the early days, the heady early days of podcasting filled our audiences like every day. Spodcast was like, like it was the OG podcast.
When you started the podcast, you went, you went, you went, listen to you guys. And it was just fucking, it was. And you know, you get for that. Like not even bragging.
How did you avoid, how did you avoid getting? How did you avoid success and money? Like you should have millions of dollars coming in. I should.
For the podcast alone. You're really rubbing it in. I'm just like, I don't say this. Can you find a different way to say it?
Because you're absolutely right. I should, but I don't. You need more time in your life. Is he the business guy?
Well, I will tell you, we have a business together. This one, we run separate businesses. But I will tell you when I lost my job at Travel Channel, and this is a story everyone wrote a million times, but keep it in. I'll take it.
When I lost my job at Travel Channel, I called him and he, him and Joe. And he said to me, buddy, at the time, he's like, I'm going to get you over $50,000 per episode consistently. And once you get there, I can get you funding. I can get you introduced you to an ad sales team and they can get you sponsors.
And I made more money on that episode of the podcast than I did for Travel Channel. And I wasn't paying agents and managers. And I was blown away. And I went, motherfucker, I'm doubling down.
Like, this is the business model. Because I don't want to pay agents and managers, and it's an hour or something I fucking love. I love doing. We are on the second floor, right?
So I'm going to hurl myself out the window and fucking, maybe I don't need a gun. But Tom, I'm being dead serious. Tom, I'm being dead serious. Tom will 100% be like, let me help you.
You know, it's what we excel in as very different things. Right. But watching his brain work. Like, we were doing live streams during the pandemic, and we were selling tickets.
And it was like, it was, I mean, just astronomical business. And it changed the game. I mean, at one point, Tom was like dealing with a company, and then he was like, fuck it. I'll make my own company.
And he built his own. And he really is. But him and Joe are like double down on yourself guys. Like, put the money on yourself.
I believe in that. But I don't know. I have no idea what I've done wrong. No, you don't have a second house to podcast now.
You make awesome fucking movies. No, I don't. Yes, you do. You're very sweet.
Let's just leave it out. I make movies. You make fucking awesome fucking. You are the, you are the turn of the change in Hollywood.
You are the breath of fresh air. You and fucking Witchcraft in the Woods, whatever it's called. I like your fucking title better. Witchcraft in the Woods is pretty hot.
Somebody put that on the board and get a trademarked copy right there. Two Brothers and a Friend, Rob a Bank. What was that movie? Two Brothers and a Friend, Rob a Bank in Texas.
What was the movie? I was like, oh, the fucking Owen Brothers. Oh, oh, Bottle Rocket. Bottle Rocket.
That is your title for Bottle Rocket? Two Brothers and a Friend, Rob a Bank. Yeah, right. I mean, I guess it's more of a synopsis than a title.
But once again, that title is better than Bottle Rocket. But you guys changed Hollywood. You changed Hollywood. But you know you did.
I mean, I'll tell you. Here, I'll show you why I'm not successful. Because instantly what I want to do is correct the whole Bottle Rocket thing. You know, they had studio help.
They were fine. Jim Brooks. James L. Brooks.
Who had done like fucking broadcast news and shit. No, that's Jim Abrams. We've done broadcast news and fucking terms of endearment. He saw a short they did.
He got behind them and backed them to the tune of $5 million. So now, rather than playing like a game where I'm like, yeah, the Wilson Brothers. Instantly, my fucking, my integrity jumps in. And I have to fuck myself and shoot myself in the foot by being like, well, technically, they did not do what we did.
But they didn't. This is why Timesagare won't help me. No, this is, I'm telling you. I'm being facetious, but at the same time, when I saw that wall of hats out there, I was like, I failed in my podcast.
I get hooked up with hats. Well, I mean, I got hats, but you have a separate house for podcasting that has wall space enough to just hang a fucking collection of hats. That looks like a word of art. That belongs in MoMA.
Thank you. Thank you, my wife. My business manager. Your wife did that.
My wife did it. That is fucking phenomenal. You married up, my friend. I know.
Yeah. Okay. She bought a penny stock, though. When she met me, she bought a penny stock, and it has fucking split and doubled and split and doubled.
No one saw that fucking happening. You've written some books, right? So you've definitely, the next book should be like, I was a human penny stock. Or it could be two brothers who rob a bag in Texas.
AKA Bottle Rocket 2. You were a part of that whole fucking thing. That's the coolest thing. A part of it?
Yeah. I laid the track, son. No, here you did. Here's your laid the track.
The person I followed was Rick Linklater. He did Slacker, and that made me go like, oh my God, I've never thought about making a movie. I'd only ever thought about watching him. When I saw Richard Linklater's Slacker, I was like, this counts as a movie?
Because if that's the case, maybe I could make a movie, too. So they're always, you know, in order to be it, you've got to see it first. And I saw him. And so he, to me, will always be the father of all this.
Now, when I made Clerks, right? At the end of Clerks, there was a dedication that said, for Richard Linklater, Hal Hartley, Spike Lee, and Jim Jarmusch, who led the way. And Ileana Douglas, who's an actress. I know she was.
She's a chickpea face bit in Robert De Niro's movie. Yes, yes, it came through. What is the title of that movie? Got the last lot in the movie theater.
Genius. So she's such a genius. There's a whole book. You can tell a whole book on all titles.
Ileana Douglas told me this amazing story early in my career, where she was at this point, and I don't think I'm telling tales at school, but she was dating Martin Scorsese back then. So I went out to lunch with her and Scott Mosher, my producer, and her producer and stuff. And she told me, she was like, well, me and Marty watched Clerks, and I had to stop her dead. And I was like, Martin Scorsese watched Clerks in 1994.
Like, that was fucking everything. She goes, yeah. And I was like, what did he say? She's like, well, he waited until the end of the movie.
And at the end of the movie, she's like, you dedicate the movie to Jim Jarmusch, Spike Lee, Hal Hartley, and Richard Linklater, and said, for leading the way. And she said, the only thing he said was, yeah, they led the way. Because he was a part of the Easy Rider Red Bull era. Easy Rider Raging Bull.
This isn't enough. This isn't enough. You're like Red Bull. Easy Rider Raging Bull.
Still a better title. I mean, there's a guy who, indie film before there was indie film. Absolutely. How much did you spend on Clerks?
$27,575. Probably about as much as you'll make from doing three live reads. Shut up. Am I right?
Am I close? How much did you get for a live read now? Don't look around. Just answer.
Put it on the board. How much? Look at that figure. How does one gauge where one is in stand-up?
Whether you're headlining or whether you're featuring or whether you're hosting. That's like, on a club weekend, on a club weekend, you're a headliner host and feature. Now, if you're, and this is how you can gauge even who's a bigger headliner. If you can bring your feature, then you're going to be on a club weekend.
you're a big headliner but if you're just going in the club gives you their feature then you're just headlining at the time uh tom and i were i was a headliner tom was the feature act and then i started working for travel channel and tom did a special called mostly stories that blew the fuck up on netflix and he started headlining and then we were like for a second we were like this right and then he just skyrocketed and i will say this is i give this all the credit to tom is as he skyrocketed he kept me in the know of like hey man like this is what you have to do like he wasn't he didn't sit on the info he was sharing the info he shared the info so much that he i remember he called one time he said i sold out philly he said you should be doing the truck yeah no they're still there but i think they sold it right um i just shot secret time there and so this is a perfect example of tom said you should be out of the clubs you should be out in the truck and i went no you're supposed to take price i said $20 he was raising the 35 and i said really he was raising the 35 and once you can raise the 35 you can sell out thursday and sunday two shows on thursday sunday maybe even three on saturday then you need to definitely be in theaters and i never even got i did that for like half a year and then i went to the truck now a place where i told tom i sold out the helium for $20 per weekend i did the truck which i think sits 600 650 and i did six shows and i was like fuck you you're right i mean so tom and i've always been 100% transparent with zero ego in how we share information which has been absolutely invaluable to me like and he said super wise things when everyone was saying the other thing right and i was like and he's he's a weird guy doesn't need anyone he doesn't need any praise he doesn't need things like i need i'm like very vulnerable and sensitive and even he deals with that shit which is i mean yeah everyone needs a time in their life i need that tom yeah not a tom get that tom i would love to um i i wound up in the world of uh stand up through a very through a back door i i because of the movies they put you out in front you got to do q a after the movies and stuff and then i remember like after mall rats came out and tanked and i'm thinking about this lately because i was just in definitely absolutely well technically jason lee popped up saying nothing in a movie called um mi vida loca by allison and he's standing next to spike jones in a dialogue list uh we're buying drugs little sequence but mall rats the first movie he says words and he was a professional skateboarder yeah i know that's how good that's how good an actor jason lee is is that people now find out he's a better skateboarder than he's actor isn't that crazy yeah there was a time when he was like when i met him on mall rats he was like i'm retired from uh from professional skateboarding and you know he was a fucking child and i was like retired from and then also professional skateboarding all these concepts were new to me and stuff i was like what do you mean he's like well i've been skateboarding at a professional level for the last nine years i was like he was also my wife just watched a documentary on that era of skateboarders and they talked about him because they were doing the filming and how he's starting his props now everyone knows like tony hawk and stuff but jason lee's starting to get his props but he's been i remember one point he got off the board and he was like i'm not gonna go back on it but then about 10 years ago he stepped back on the board and he's kind of been you know bringing it back he's like i mean with all due respect he's an old man like me in fact i think he's got me by a year really so at age 53 to be like fucking on deck is pretty good he looks very good some guys right he's got a turn right now he's got like a bushy whitish beard he still looks fucking yeah but so because of the movies i wound up doing a lot of q a and after mall rats tank the university of delaware called like three months later like hey we're gonna show mall rats do you want to come and talk after it and since i was in new jersey it's like two and a half hour ride i was like yeah all right and so i went and there was you know room full college kids watching the movie this movie that i was like you know fucking depressed over the failure of it was no clerks and then all of a sudden i felt good after the q a i'm like fucking right on and like they did find its audience so then i started doing colleges like crazy but not paid colleges would just call me like do you want to talk after the movie i was like fuck yeah and i drive to them fly to them whatever fuck so i was doing a ruckers gig in ruckers camden i'm three hours into a five hour fucking show so i took uh i put up the episodes of clerks cartoon which we're never gonna air so i go outside grab a cigarette i was a big cigarette smoking those days and the sack kid the student activity center kid was back there with me she's like wow man like you spoke three hours how much longer you want to go and i was like i didn't tell everyone's bored i guess and she goes you talk way longer than janine grafoil i was like oh janine was here because this was i worked with her on dogma yeah so i was like oh janine was here she said yeah she was just here last week man she only did 45 minutes and left and i was gone and then there's a bit of silence and into the silence this girl goes and we paid her 20 grand and i was like what wait what and she's like yeah everyone gets paid for this why don't you and i was like what do you mean everyone gets paid for this and she was like there's a student activity space she's like you're one of the most in-demand college speakers and i assumed you got paid after that gig rather than be like damn skippy i'm getting paid this is what i was like well people are gonna start paying for my gas i'll tell you that much and people give me like 50 bucks for gas and i did that for six months until some agent was like you know you could probably make a lot of money doing this so i was doing the college scene like crazy i would never go near stand-up clubs because i didn't consider myself a comedian to me i revere comedians and the idea of like going to a comedy clubs i got in or not i never had a type five i never did you know a set or anything like that i'm just a guy who gets up and answers questions and i answer them very long and comedically so i did college gigs all the time then i moved into theaters smaller theaters and stuff but skipped stand-up stand-up joints then one day i've been doing it for like fucking eight to ten years and um there was a uh it was a musical with a guy that did a talk show where he sits down to me and he goes my closing thoughts uh he just passed away recently um jerry springer oh they did that jerry springer the musical and this company had booked carnegie hall for three nights in a row but they could only sell one and a half so their their sunday night show or whatever the fuck they could not sell so they were at my agency at that time i was with uh endeavor before they were william morris endeavor and uh the guy jared was asking i think his name is jared hess was asking around like do you have any entertainers that might want to take the third slot and my then agent who's now like an owner of that place he was like oh like uh kevin smith is my client and he i think he does like q a shows and stuff like you want to see if he'll do it and so they were like do you want to do carnegie hall and i had less than a month to sell tickets but i was like carlin did carnegie and i never imagined i'd get close to carnegie hall for anything so i was like fuck it we'll try and so i used social media to sell it out took me like fucking 28 days but i've made it a game where i was like we've sold this many tickets we've sold this many tickets and i sold that car and y'all after that then i started doing theaters like fucking crazy and it was me by myself so into this world like i've been doing podcasting on the side since 2007 i'm doing smodcasts with scott mosher one day scott mosher's like i need to make money and we've been joking for years about doing smodcasts live so i was like who would ever do that who would ever take a podcast and sit down in a stand-up joint but i was like we should do that we'll take it out i bet you i can make you like 10 grand so i had my agent what year is this this is 2009 2008 2009 because it eventually leads to me touring movies to red state and my current model of taking movies out on the road so i had my booking agent call up all the same places that i would go to and i was making great money as a solo fucking act as an evening with kevin smith still avoiding fucking comedy clubs like a play only because i didn't feel like i was worthy for that i was like i don't come up with my own material i answer questions like you know a comic goes up there by themselves fucking unleashes their pain and shit and i've never really done that all i do is answer questions so i said to uh the agent i was like hey man book us on a podcast where he's like what is it because nobody has ever done a podcast for anyone listening remember rogan didn't start his podcast yet no so i haven't started his podcast yet i remember when i'm sorry yeah so this is this is i mean this is insane this is like the old ricky gervais had a podcast he was he was the original podcaster that i heard the first time i heard the term podcast was scott mocher going like have you heard the ricky gervais podcast i was like what's that and technically he didn't do it as a podcast he did as a radio show that i think the guardian one of the london papers put out and referred to it as a podcast but it was not his intent to be like this is a podcast it was back to her podcast so people hadn't thought about doing it on stage you know stand up places were still fucking stand up so i thought we'd go out and fetch the same money that i got for being solo but all of them were like what is this like what do you mean you're gonna sit there and talk to your friends and what are you gonna take questions from the audience like you do it broke my business model and so my touring guy was like you're gonna have to do these shows for like five ten grand a pop and shit so i was like you know whatever if we have to educate them we'll educate them so we went to little punk rock clubs and that's when i first started going into comedy clubs they were the only ones who were willing to do it but nobody knew what a live podcast was at this point so fucked up so we go out in the store and shit and you know we do like 10 shows and from there i was doing a podcast with jason music called jane silent bob kiddle and so jason's wife jordan monsanto who runs our company smott bless this woman she was like i'm gonna try to book this show out in the world because we were doing it a little i picked up a little theater on santa monica boulevard and i renamed it smott castle and we started doing live shows there's like 48 seater so me and ralph garman were doing hollywood battle on there um it was that was a failed radio show ralph wants to do the showbiz beat on weekends we recorded a pilot and k-rock was like nobody wants to hear people talk on the radio anymore so i came in on k-rock one day they'd be like hey man i opened this podcast theater and ralph was like what if we did showbiz beat from there and he's like i can't call it showbiz beat because k-rock owns it so let's call it hollywood babylon and stuff so we've been doing babylon at smod castle for like two months and ralph could sell it out so fast because he was on k-rock so he'd make like one announcement on monday and we'd sell out by like midday monday and so he was like we could probably take this to like a comedy club he went to two he went to the improv and then he also went to the john lovitz comedy so john lovitz gave us 90 of the gate whereas um the improv only gave us like 85 or something so we're like fuck it let's go there and so suddenly we were doing a podcast where we can sell out 250 i think was their sellout per night and then i brought jane sound bob get all up there same thing jordan had the foresight to be like i'm gonna try to take it outside of los angeles and the first show she booked was that in orlando the hard rock that that looks like a fucking coliseum and sold out so fast and we were like people must love this podcast and it had nothing to do with the podcast just jane sound bob was a name for movies that most people never understood so slowly we went i went from being a solo act that did theaters to like a podcast act that did punk clubs and then and then comedy clubs and then slowly we moved back into theaters and one day my agent was like um i don't know if it was helium or somebody was like we want you to do another shows and my bias my own personal bias again it's like well i'm not a stand-up comedian i haven't earned that yet i forget who it was but there was one comic who said this to me kevin you're really shooting yourself in the foot by not doing comedy club if you fill it with your audience it doesn't fucking matter like your audience just needs a place to see you and so i was like all right maybe i could do that and then that's when i kind of started doing comedy clubs and like me and ralph went from the john lovitz to eventually we went to the improv and for a good what was it five six seven year stretch sold out every fucking show they put us up on the wall like before they changed ownership during the pandemic they would always credit us with like you fucking saved the improv which meant the world to me because i used to watch evening at the improv as a kid in the 80s on fucking cable tv now all that fucking humble bragging to the side how come i don't have a separate fucking house to do my podcast in it can't just be tom sagara what am i fucking doing wrong my business model is watch what kevin smith does and then wait 15 years and do it yourself damn it i'm gonna do that same thing i think i would argue i mean i'm using this podcast to promote my movie aggressively and i'm hoping that may 25th the machine is in theaters do you have tracking yet have you popped up on tracking do you know what you're gonna do uh who's putting it out first of all uh sony oh don't fucking you need no help whatsoever what was the budget of the movie are you allowed to say yeah i think i don't know i've broken a few rules uh i think 20 you're gonna make a pile of fucking money uh there's no way that this movie doesn't break through probably get to like 80 to 100 i want to i want to inspire people to go back to the movie because good movies still have a hard time in movie theaters and i want people to i want to i love eventizing life i love doing that with my tour i love doing that even when i did this last arena tour i bought a very expensive i'm gonna pause you right there when you say arena tour that's what you're doing now i'm doing arenas exclusively yeah can we go to the third floor and i can jump out the fucking window that's why i'll definitely die fucking arenas are you serious i mean i i'm not saying you haven't earned it you put in the work and fucking like you blew up fucking huge but i you know i i've never done an arena and i don't think i ever will do you want to come and do one with me fuck yes god yes done have them come on one of the fully loaded dates put that on board i'll put them on there i'll put them on there we have a list of dates you just pick one you can do the whole weekend with us we can do the whole weekend with us we can do fully loaded during the summer we put like nine comments on a show we go into arenas we're doing the gorge we're doing uh forest hills out in new york and how big are these arenas uh 15 oh my god and so um yeah they're really fun they're really fun i would do it just for the fucking fun i've never done oh dude everyone would love to have you we have an insane lineup we have lewis black davittale uh tiffany haddish mark norman shane gillis now you're now you're intimidating there's legit comedians oh there's legit comedians and we have a blast and we have a blast the whole thing is like set up around having a great time for us and then doing these shows and the shows the doors open at five show starts at seven sunsets at 8 30 and it's like a full fucking day when you say sunsets at 8 30 and it's like a full fucking day when you say sunsets at 8 30 and it's like a couple outdoor ones not less this year less this year the gorge is a big one the gorge is we're closing at that gorge i think ultimately holds like 45 000 people we won't fill that but all we need to sell is like fucking 10 000 15 000 but that's okay like you won't sit there on stage and be like fuck we didn't sell it i'll never see what the gorge seats i will never fill the gorge that's like but it don't matter it doesn't matter to me i know what our nut needs to be and our nut needs to be really and 9 000 we've already we've already sold i think we've already sold almost all the things we can sell so yeah so it's but they're fun when we walk downstairs you'll see a list of dates you can pick whatever you want to do fucking and i'll do that just for the experience of being on stage in arena i mean i although that lineup is very so fun but i love eventizing life and i'm trying to i know the ads as we came up to the fucking bills the posters dude i love it i love and my goal is to get people to want to go to the movies can you sell the experience of going to the movies of how fun it was for you as a kid yes it was for you as an adult highlights like i i mean for me personally i i have a couple real touchdown moments in in in movie watching it was ghostbusters like see that name you know it's not a movie with movie with harold ramus where they go after dead people ghostbusters was like you describe movies like it's a jeopardy category you should see me do impressions i was doing impressions the other day and i was like uh i was like uh i forgot how i was doing it but i was just i forget anyway so um take that off the board impressions but i'm really bad at impressions but i remember seeing like being in the summer when it's raining and it's hot in florida and you're in florida in florida where'd you grow up in florida fucking tampa yeah so you know the tan yammy trail oh yeah of course you know that is where like the predominantly where most of these strippers and hookers in america come from that tan yammy trail for real yeah somebody read that fact off to me one day and i was like why let me ask you this because you grew up there why do you think that is is it more permissive in florida or here's my theory it's all hot so people are wearing less clothing well i used to i think that's why women in florida were more attractive than anywhere else because the less amount of clothing the more you want to take care of your body and then that would make sense except for my body but uh but i will tell you our sensibility about strip clubs from florida is extremely different than like when i meet other people explain uh strip clubs for us were a thing you did at the end of the night when the bars closed you go to the strip clubs and a lot of times you could bring in your own booze and they let you and so everyone would meet at strip clubs so you'd be there with your best friends your best friends girlfriends all their friends your future girlfriends your girlfriend and so it was like you're not necessarily there to see people naked it's just a gathering place you are you are like people would get lap dances but no one like look down like i have a friend whose wife won't get lap dances and i think that's fucking insane because like i don't know if i could be married to someone like i'm like no i'm not doing anything like it's you understand this action and cheating on your very different things and so but in florida it was just like i mean when we were when we were 15 years old we all got fake ids at kinko's and because you could print up your identification card so wait when i was in high school there was no kinko's how old are you no i'm 50 it was whatever it was it was like kinko's or whatever the copies i got you about two years i'm 50 yeah i'm 50 and you own your own podcasting house again what the fuck am i doing wrong but but you get an idea like whatever our copy story is i thought it was kinko's but you get an idea you can write your own idea you can write your own idea you can write your own idea you can write your age and just write it down it seems more permissive in florida regardless but it seems like that's not the crime they're looking after or looking for they're not like trying to bust kids with fake ideas there's so many things that grow up in florida like outside How often do you play that Tampa theater down there? Well, no, you must play the Tampa fucking arena. But when you did the Tampa theater for the first time, which I'm assuming you did, were you like, fucking king of my hometown? I was, well, the Tampa theater was a big deal.
Selling out the improv was a big deal for me. The improv here or Tampa? It was a really big deal. What did they see, 250, 400?
No, they're like, 310, because it's all the way to the top. That's right, they got levels. Yeah, they got levels. But selling out the Tampa theater, I think I sold four shows at the Tampa theater, and I was like, man, my parents came.
My dad's never seen me do stand-up, and he sat in the back, he didn't watch. He sat in the back, but he came out on stage and ripped his shirt off at the very beginning, and the place went nuts. Have you been ripping shirts off since the beginning? No, I started like...
Did he do it first? And you were like, that's a good idea, you're dead. I'm totally stealing that. That's my Gallagher with the watermelon.
There's my fucking habit, right? As a kid, he'd walk in the house and rip his shirt off, and go, that would work. That smells. The pop man, you should hear my sisters.
But was he super proud? Well, he's always been proud, he doesn't show very well. It was, I mean, he's an old school dude. Right, I had one of those, he dropped that 20 years ago.
For real? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Coming up June 3rd, it'll be the 20-year anniversary of him dropping dead. It was alright, though.
I mean, he went out in such a great way. We all watched your success. A little bit. He saw up until, he died right before Jersey Girl came out, and that didn't do well, so I'm glad that he went before that came out, because he would've been like, what the fuck is wrong with you?
You had it all! But yeah, he was a big... He was, you want to talk about the movie theater experience. I think I became a filmmaker because my dad used to take me to movies.
Like, he would pull me out of Catholic school on Wednesdays to go to the first night and night, because it was like $1.50. And I remember my mom told me, like, the first time he was going to do it, she was like, your dad's going to come and pick you up for half day, and he's going to take you to the movies. And I was like, what do I tell... My teacher, what do I tell the nuns?
It was pro-care school, Catholic school. I'd like you to perpetual help. And my mom was like, tell them your aunt died. And I was like, alright, so I went to school.
I was like, my aunt died, so my dad's going to pick me up. And he came to pick me up at noon, and I got called down to the office of Sister Gloria Louise. I'm so sorry about your aunt, and we'll pray for us. Thank you.
And then we went to see Raiders of Lost Ark. Formative experience, number one, it's a great movie. So he took me to see Raiders of Lost Ark. And my father, who was very quiet, lit up like a fucking child.
Like, throughout the opening 10 minutes of that movie, he was like, do you love this? He's going, this is the kind of movie that I used to go to when I was a kid with your aunt, and they were called cliffhangers, you pay a little bit of money, and then you have to come back the next week. He's like, don't make the cliffhangers again. This is great, you're having a great time.
It's like he was doing fucking rails. He was so fucking excited and shit. And so the joy, the exuberance that my father lit up with when he was in a darkened movie theater obviously made an impact. You know what I'm saying?
I'm not saying I only did films because I was trying to recapture that moment with my dad, but it certainly fucking helped. And my dad worked at the post office, mercifully never fucking killed anybody, but he hated his fucking job. And so he was also influential there because he hated his job so much that I was like, when I got older, I was like, I would rather risk doing something that could turn into something, doubling down on myself, so to speak, to borrow the phrase, rather than just go work for some fucking corporation or the government, because he was so fucking miserable doing it. So I own the movie theater now that my father used to take me to when I was a kid.
Me and my friends last year in September bought what was called the Atlantic Movie House. When I was a kid, it was called the Atlantic Islands Twin Cinema. But now it's got five screens. We renamed it Smog Castle Cinemas, and I'm there twice a month doing shows all the time.
Like we just me and Jason Hughes just showed James Allen about strike back to a sellout house and stuff like that. Jason Lee, before I mentioned, Jason Lee came three weeks ago. We did Chasing Amy, that was sold out. No, I'll tell you right now, no new movies fucking sell.
Opening night of Avatar 2, Saturday night or Friday night at 7 o'clock, we had 12 fucking people. Creed 3, which did very well everywhere else. Yeah. Six people on opening night.
Fucking Shazam, Shazam at all. The one fucking movie that I will give Hollywood credit for and thank and suck the dick up from now until the end of time is that little Italian man, Super Mario. Because oh my God, that's the movie that has earned the most at Smog Castle Cinemas outside of the- I've had so many people talk to me about that fucking movie. People love it, dude.
My kids, I was there cleaning up, like we had a fucking leak on the, like two weeks ago, it was really fucking raining and shit. And I was cleaning up like mopping and shit. Shit I hadn't done since Quick Stop, man, but I'm that kind of owner. And I was mopping up this leak outside of Theater Four where there was a kids party and they were showing Super Mario Brothers.
And it was like a bunch of fucking, like a Baptists in church. They were so fucking loud. They were screeching through the end of the movie and then they all collectively sang that Jack Lax song during the credits. I was like so moved.
I was like, this reminds me of my fucking childhood. This, here's what I want. Here's what I want. I don't know if you can do it, but you are a good talker.
I think I'm a pretty good talker. I can, I can- Bring the machine to my movie theater. What's that? Bring the machine to my movie theater.
We'll do a fucking screening. It'll fucking sell out. I would love that. I know you're a busy guy.
No, no, I'm not. Everything I'm doing right now is about this movie. I got one opportunity, I think. I feel like I've had a lot of people hit me, a lot of comics hit me up.
I've been like, if your movie does good, I bet they start bringing back comedies because it's so hard to do comedy. Well, is it presenting? Are you presenting it like the routine? Are you presenting it like fiction narrative?
Wait, do you know who plays my dad? No. Oh, you're going to lose your shit. Is there a fourth floor that I can throw myself out of?
You're going to lose your shit. You're going to lose your shit, I'm going to tell you. Tell me. John Belushi?
Because that would be nuts. That would be great. I think you beat Farley's age. So the movie is based on the- Have you seen the trailer?
I've not seen the trailer, but I know the bit. Yeah, no, no, no, no. Hang on, don't pull it. Take the screen down.
I want to tell you all this. Okay. So, no, no, no, stop, stop, stop. So, the movie is based on me and my dad getting kidnapped by the Russian mafia.
I've seen you tell that story. No, no, no. The story is me. I got involved in the Russian mafia when I was 22 and we robbed a train.
This is not that? It's based off that. But it's me and my dad getting kidnapped by the Russian mafia and me having to go right the wrongs of me robbing that train. And then me and my dad having to beat the mafia.
So it's taking the routine and then building on top of it. And my dad is played by Mark Hamill. Well, I've worked with him. I know.
Again, this is going to be a humble brag, but there was a period where Mark wasn't Mark for a minute. When all the Star Wars movies were done and people didn't give a fuck and whatnot. Harrison Ford was working, but Mark wasn't. We did James Allen about a strike back.
And I cast Mark as Cockknocker in the Bloodman and Chronic movie. And in the movie, when he first comes through, punches through the wall and pulls his giant fist back, we freeze frame and it says, hey, kids, it's Mark Hamill. Applause. So I remember his kid Nathan really thanked me.
I thanked his kid Nathan because Mark told me, he goes, I don't know you're working. I think Nathan did the same thing for me. I mean, that's serious. Either that or his other son did the same thing for me.
Because he's like, I'm not familiar with you. But my son said, I gotta watch this stuff. He has the same fucking pitch. He has cool fucking kids.
I'd never do Star Wars oriented stuff because we liked Saber Battle in that movie. He goes, but there have been two things that my kids made me do. One was The Simpsons. And the other is this.
They say they like your movies and shit. So Nathan, like, after we did that, I met him years later. He was younger. So I met him at this common building.
He can't see my friend JC's bar out here. The Star Wars, well, you can't say Star Wars bar. He might get sued. Space opera themed bar.
And so I met him finally and I got to thank him because I was like, fucking dude, unless you say to your dad, like, you should do this. Your dad never touches this. And he was very sweet. He was like, the fact that you froze the movie to shout him out.
Yeah. And it said applause in every screen. People would fucking applaud. We just showed it last weekend.
Again, at my theater with Jason Hughes. And people applaud the moment he comes on screen. But then when the applause moment came on, they went like, fucking doubly hard. I love Mark.
I love Mark. I love Mark. And the fact that he plays your dad is fucking awesome. Mark Hamill and his wife took me to Mary Lou.
Mary Lou was one. Mary Lou took, it really was Mary Lou more than Mark, took us to the only time I've ever gone to the Playboy Mansion when my kid was little for the Easter egg hunt with the bunnies and shit. She was very tight with all the people there and stuff. She's great.
I know Chelsea, Chelsea. I texted with Chelsea last night. Wonderful. I texted with her last week.
When I was directing an episode of Flash, Mark was like, Chelsea wants to shadow you. And I was like, oh my God, come on out. So I hung out with her for like two weeks. They're beautiful.
I lived with them in Serbia for three months. In Serbia. That's what he was doing over there. I remember when he was talking about fucking I'm in Serbia doing a thing.
He does the voice of Skeletor on my Masters of the Universe cartoon on Netflix. Yeah, Revelation's called and the new one coming up is called Revolution. But he's the new voice of Skeletor. He's awesome.
He's very generous with like Star Wars stories. Isn't he knowledgeable about pop culture just in general? Like he's the guy who honestly should be selling out fucking arenas just telling stories. And he's a great storyteller.
He is. And he was a joy to be around. The thing you would always worry is like if people bring up Star Wars he's going to be like, ugh. But he tells you those stories like he's telling it for the first time.
And he has no ego. I love Warhammer. He does incredible. Are you?
I love him to death. He's so awesome. That is great. Let's go back to the release of the movie.
There's no way this movie doesn't fucking hit. And you shot it in Serbia? What was that like? It was the greatest experience of my life.
Are you serious? So I never really cared about making a movie. I enjoyed movies. Somebody's chasing us with a drone right outside.
It's gotta be. Somebody's trying to get a picture of you on the drone. That's how famous you are. I love watching movies.
But as far as like acting and movie making, I just figured that's not my thing. I'll never end up doing it. And I kind of just was like, I'm cool with that. I got an offer to do like small acting things.
And I was like, eh, I'm good. I'll just podcast through stand up. And then I sold this at Legendary. I was trying to sell three different movies.
I sold it at Legendary on accident. Because he goes, I'll make a movie. What if I do make this movie successful? And then the Russian mob kidnaps me.
And he goes, soul. And I went, what? He goes, soul, I fucking love it. He goes, it's the hangover.
Meets Godfather 2. That's dope. And I was like, I didn't even know what the fuck was going on. Are you still scared about the Russian mob or no?
No, I think I've heard good things. I'll tell you, everyone I've ever met in the Russian mob was a solid fucking dude. I mean, that's serious. That's a fucking plug right there.
If they take poll quotes, they should put that on their post. And I've heard people in Brighton Beach about the Russian community really big. That people have seen the story and they go, oh, that happened. That definitely happened.
I think that's my son that he was with. Are you serious? I've heard people say that to me, yeah. Is there any part of you that's a little scared?
A little bit, yeah. Especially when I did a general meeting with people who do Barry. And they were like, so how did you, like what was the vetting process for the mafia thing? Because like, we want to use Russian mafia.
And they were like, that's way too dangerous. And I was like, oh, vetting process? I told us on fucking Robie's podcast. What do you mean vetting process?
And they're like, because we were going to do this. This is the one piece of advice that Tom Segura has not been helpful with. Yeah, right. Well, fuck it.
That's how I go out. Look at that shit. That's fucking living right there. I'm a ride or die.
So, but no, but in doing the movie. Yes. In going there and making the movie. My very first day, I don't know if I've said this or not, but I was not going to drink.
I was not going to drink. How are you a big drinker? A huge drinker. Is that a Floridian thing?
Yeah, I think so. And I started drinking with Russian mafia. That's when I really started drinking in life. But you're not, you would not consider yourself a problematic drinker.
I'm definitely not. Definitely not. You drink to have fun but not drink because you're like, if I don't drink, I'm fuck you. You don't consider yourself an alcoholic.
I'm 100% not an alcoholic. That's awesome. Nothing wrong with drinking. Yeah.
As long as drink, don't drink you. Drinks drink me sometimes, but I'm drinking the most of the time. So I went most of the time. You're like Mary and Ravenwood and Raiders of the Lost Ark.
Yeah, yeah. Drink falls over and you're still standing. So, I get there and Kale goes, we go to dinner the first night and they order a bottle of wine. I'm like, I'm good.
And he goes, what are you doing? I was like, I'm not going to drink. And he's like, no, the fuck you are. And he goes, hold on.