Making and Keeping Friends as Adults - with Stephen Black(the late show edition!)

Welcome to the Outer Circle Inner Stillness LATE SHOW edition! Here is where you get unfiltered counselor brain as Rhys Pasimio and Stephen Black share honest thoughts and current musings, under the influence of the post-9:00 pm-fatigue, and the thrill of being two friends in the same room together! With no particular agenda, we find ourselves compelled to talk about friendship, about feelings, about trying to define "being a man," and the wide range of challenges that face men in their 30's and 40's who want to have deeper friendships.  We notice the way that counselors tend to hang out, and how this might skew our view of what a normal emotional depth in a friendship is...but maybe in a healthy way. One key to deepening a friendship is to practice strategic vulnerability. You can stair-step your vulnerable disclosures, and share little bits at a time, and then slightly deeper bits, and see how the other person responds. Usually, vulnerability begets more vulnerability, as when you take a risk of making yourself known, you give the other person permission to step into the safe space you just created. (And on the rare occasion when they mishandle your vulnerability, you know this is probably not a friendship that can deepen). Inevitably, we talk about Internal Family Systems, and taking a curious approach to one's own inner life.  We talk at length about how to approach our emotions, in our bodies and minds. We notice that, upon encountering big feelings, such as a pool of sadness...we don't die upon exposure. Instead, we can grow stronger.  We wonder, is life chaotic with no purpose? Or are we guided, even through suffering, by Divine Love? Rhys notes the trailhead of, "I can see that my difficulties and sufferings are part of my growth...it's not that everything becomes a happy ending, but there's a way these things become useful...or there's the other way that says there's nothing guiding my life, no ultimate end, no ultimate purpose, therefore my highest good is the most pleasure, the most comfort, the most safety, therefore pain is intolerable." And based on Stephen Black's use of the term "See-Saw" instead of "Teeter-Totter," can you guess where he is from?  Also, basic conversation tip number one - when you're in a conversation, and someone asks you a question, ask one in return. For more information about Rhys Pasimio, visit patreon.com/outercircle, or follow him on instagram at @newpatterncounseling. For more information about Stephen Black, look him up through Fircrest Behavioral Health at www.fircrestbh.com/stephen-black #friendship #relationship #masculinity #manhood #men #adulting #emotions #emotionalintelligence #internalfamilysystems #ifs #movetoward #curiosity #rhyspasimio #stephenblack #counseling #therapy #mentalhealth #lateshow #suffering #problemofevil