Hello everybody welcome to my show Welcome to the show everybody welcome to the moms A fan hit me up and said that they played the Jason Els show to their mom and now their mom likes the show and They like my comedy where I talk about lady stuff that I don't want to say anything offensive in the first 10 minutes Because I was told that that's not a good idea And if you want to be smart in podcasting don't say that word until 10 minutes Which is tough because I'm me and that makes it real difficult It's like they're almost saying you know what we don't need is Jason Ellis same with the only fans on Twitter I think that I might be a shadow band guy because my you can say penis right? That's oh, yeah Yeah, it's on the internet anatomical. Oh, yeah, speaking of being nude and being on the internet It's huge Mouse is a good friend of mine people that don't know mouse. Yes crowd go for it.
Yeah She's a good friend who is one of the most legendary stage performance of our time and now she is It's moved on to The fans only oh and it's great. It's my favorite only fans account every time I see it I I want to do stuff that I can't say for another seven minutes Don't hype it up too much because a lot of people might be expecting some hardcore. You know, I'm pretty good I'm a tea. Oh, okay.
That's the thing you're not supposed to say. No, you can say that one. It's the F one Okay, and I just thought I'd leave for a little bit too. It might be I don't know.
I guess some people do more hardcore stuff, but I have some of their accounts too I guess it depends on what you're into. I don't know if I could handle watching other people do things with you I'll get jealous. Yeah, I don't think I can handle it either. Right.
That's that's gonna slow down Yeah, that's gonna slow down a lot pretty much end it really you turn the microphone to your face Do you do you cuz you're not? Like a very hoary person at all and you you you reek of sex like you're a very sexy person Does it get annoying that because people probably talk to you in a way where it's just all about? You know what's up? Got his stuff and you're like actually I just like my dogs in like breakfast burritos or sorry being burritos Is that what you like?
Yeah, the thing is I mean as a person who's been a sex worker for over 20 years I love people desiring me. Yeah, so I don't care what they say they can say they want to like you know I don't know cream pie my face all day. I don't care, but the all the only thing that you know, it's just if people don't understand some not everybody is Available for real life services some people are and those ones will offer it usually you don't have to ask But like I'm not I don't do anything with people in real life. I'm just I like it.
I like to tease. I've always loved to tease I like to make people frustrated. That's my thing. Yeah, we're doing a great job Actually, I'm actually frustrated by you for 15 years It's tearing me apart Jonathan going on over a decade decade and a half just let me It just it just I get off so much more on the fact that that it hasn't happened It's just it's a me.
It's like I don't know because I like the tension too because I don't have a lot of people that I have sexual Tension with and then so when I do I like to keep it as long as possible, you know wait So I give sexual tension with me. Oh, yeah, we want sexual tension Yeah, that's what I'm saying cut right in the middle. This is a giant This is recorded too. I know now everyone knows but wait when you say that you've been a sex worker for 20 years Can you clarify what that means sex workers and umbrella term it covers everybody in this industry including strippers?
And so I've been a stripper and that's the things there to me I don't really differentiate between stripper or prostitute or anything nobody's better or worse than anybody else We're all in the game, you know, we're all hustling We all just because you know me if you really think about it a lot of you know, I don't think actually probably prostituse not the proper term anymore What is it? It's for I don't even know I'm also outdated you guys. I'm you know about to be 48 I need to like probably learn some new terms, but I'll be 48 But I've been you know I haven't been in the scene for a while. I've been holed up in my apartment taking pictures in my bathroom You've probably noticed that there's this there's a strange Tall boys of beer in bottled water section at your local stores.
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Diatorian Diatorian diatorian Approved weekly options. They're always something new to try plus you can you can round out your meal with a replenish Your snack supply with an apart with an assortment shut up gady of 36 quick bites smoothies juices and more satisfying adults looking for Looking to cut back on takeout get factor instead not only factor cheaper than takeout But meals are ready quicker than restaurants deliver in two minutes pop will be your uncle call the action everybody So listen you can get a great meals you get a factor discount Hit the factor 75 calm slash Alice 60 use the code Alice 60 and get 60 percent off Six day it's not that is over half Of your first box that's code Alice 60 a factor 75 dot gov slash Ellis 60 get 60 percent off your first box Anyway, but I just think that you know, it's always been kind of like there was for years like a thing is like I'm a stipper I'm not a prostitute. I'm a pull teacher I'm not a stipper, you know like all that kind of like and I did I think we're all doing the same thing and what I was Gonna say is a lot of those you know people that are supposedly you know Prostitutes or whatever you want whatever this is for you girl. Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm getting canceled. I know it But anyways, um are a lot of them don't actually have sex under claims either a lot of them go home with people They just want to be like held or talked to or pissed on or you know, how is that much different than what we're doing? So it's a blanket term. I think I respect that.
I think she's right. It's all sex. Yep. Yep Yeah, people are paying for some kind of sexual right.
I'm sorry, but also I would include everyone who's trading dinners for sex also Yeah, yeah, preach of course. They're not doing that But you know like I think what's the difference? Yeah, there isn't if anything it might be worse because at least in this game You know you're paying for it. Like I feel like a lot of girls that take guys on dates I'm sure it goes the other way too, but probably more often girls do this where they don't like the person Right, but they lead on that they do yep to get the meal on the purse Yeah, at least like with a s-code or whatever.
It's like I'm gonna give you money and you're gonna bone me Speaking up something happened this week with the new law in California regarding Uh, whatever the word is not prostitution sex workers. I could be wrong that could still even be the term I just feel like it seems like wrong now because everything seems wrong now, so I don't even know yeah, but what's the new law? No, the new law and I could be I'm really Yeah, it's been all over. I think that governor passed a bill I don't know if it's been signed yet that essentially a prostitution you cannot be prosecuted for it that it's oh not that it's Legal there's not to be brothels and you're on the street and you're soliciting sex.
You're not gonna go to jail Be criminalization. There you go. I feel like It's a little bit gross, but if you have an orgasm, especially guys There if you don't have one depending on who who you are how many of these that you have can kind of Make your day or break it. I feel like some people need the release You know obviously you can get it from all kinds of things But that one is pretty helpful in making you feel better about your day and it's a service You know like a massage to me I remember when I was younger and I wasn't allowed to sleep with other people I get a massage and a lady would pull my gherkin I don't know what's happening to me right now.
I feel like this whole podcast was gonna be speaking a different language um It's a massage your massaged me gherkin mate It's such a great word. I'm telling my kids that you're gonna. It's your girl And sometimes when they massage feet they do this stroke sure and then they just do that on me on me I'm a girl. I mean, yeah, it bobs your uncle.
You're often you're ready to go about your day Like I would really appreciate one before I do stand up tonight And then there are the people right in this street people some people need that and there are some people that And this is an unfortunate thing that there are some people Personality wise or other reasons that there is no other way for them to get it besides to pay for it Then there's that what about if your head is yeah or like a loser my cousin alan. I'm not trying to be mean I'm just I know but I was trying to be polite about it right some people Are losers. Oh, I'm a loser too in certain aspects of life. Let's read a book together loser, you know, that's a loser Uh, you know, let's add up some stuff loser, so I'm not good at everything and it doesn't matter if you're good or not It's just like a thing where people you show up and people go oh and it's not fair But it's like a judgmental thing that a lot of humans just have instinctively like whoa easy what's up with the pants You know, you've got like, you know, you just really maybe you got a little bit of drool or you know Staying and you don't know and you don't like showers and stuff.
You're like, what's going on ladies? And everyone's like whoa, no That guy still deserves to to drop a load Right and if someone's gonna do that for him because none of us are is that not a Uh, if I was Jewish is that not a mitzvah? Which means you would automatically go to heaven for it. I feel sure it's a it's a jerk off mitzvah Yeah, I know about Jewish stuff.
I'm down with the Jewish. I had to join Jewish friends Yeah, and this is the thing is you know, I didn't want to bring up his name, but you know, he's been in the news a lot You know, and rotate that's how that's how he's getting all his riches in the in the days He's got a lot of these guys who have that issue and sometimes it's not that they're losers or they're ugly or whatever It's literally that their standards are higher than they should be allowed. You know what I'm saying? It's like sometimes and I think you know sometimes you know when they criticize internet porn and stuff like that Of course, I'm a proponent of it and I I don't agree with it to some and a half But another half of me is kind of like well What does kind of suck about it?
Is that a lot of these guys get the they've been talking to girls online that aren't actually they're just getting their money But they start to be blinded and think that that's what they're able to get Okay, and so when they go out in the real world, it doesn't and they're trying to date these girls that are that level of you know Internet, you know sexy girl, that's not what they they can't apply for those positions They need to they need to apply it's like the same thing I go for people sometimes that are way out of my league as well But I kind of like not to be with anyone anyways, so I kind of like rejection So I like sometimes seek out people that are like oh, I can't get them some to flirt with them But you know, it's like when they really believe that they can obtain that person that is like some celebrity or something But they're like a like a guy that lives with their mom in the basement You know, that's why they all fall in love with that guys like entertain her just like you just need to work out and get rich You are correct that is 100 accurate that strong voice that's telling you Alpha male yeah, and the problem is women. It's not you. It's women right. Yeah, I feel like The part that people try to make illegal for the sake of people that are in prostitution that don't want to be in it That's a different story agreed.
I agree. Absolutely But I feel like just banning it all is stupid. It's kind of like marijuana like if you just made it legal Then they would you know it would come from people that made it legally and didn't hurt anybody to bring it to you to sell I feel like if you made it legal Then there would be people that run businesses that take care of those people in a way where they don't have to hide They can be upfront be like I got security like because I'm doing this Yeah, I see it as that like the amount of massive hypocrisy too with people that say the opposite and then it comes out in the news This rich guy or famous or religious he hooked up with this prostitute and it all comes out to say that everybody needs to just It's stunningly hypocritical a lot of times. Everybody needs to Yeah, you know, it's just if you look at all of the religious repression that's been happening and like then you find out These like you know popes and everybody has been molesting children and like all this other shit like this They haven't been just and they haven't been just and they were just allowed to go see it They were allowed to just go see someone to do the service.
They get it done But now they have to hide it and do some shameful shit in the shadows Yeah, but I'm sure there were good reasons as well I mean, I think like mean pimps, you know back in the day like I think there's a reason that prostitution became illegal obviously Like anything becomes illegal. It's someone called on drugs and then convincing them to be a prostitute to get the drugs Yeah, that is evil. I know I sex trafficked myself say what back in the day I mean when I first started dancing and doing sex work I was in Texas and I was a heroin addict and I actually was um not really technically sex trafficked I was a willing component to it. I was like, you know, whatever But I mean this girl kind of like came up to me and she was like um I was homeless at the time I was like panhandling for us like a pizza and she was like hey Have you ever thought about you know doing like private shows or whatever and I was like uh like look at me like I'm a bum And she was like no, she's like I can kind of tell you have a nice body And like you can because I'm like wearing baggy clothes like you're kind of crazy She's like no I actually think it'd be cool if you like maybe did a two-girl show with me like you know Just whatever I think you should try it and I was like what like are you talking about lady?
And then she was like um so how much money are you gonna make out here tonight? I'm like I mean I'm gonna get enough for some pizza and like you know, maybe you know, I didn't tell her some drugs But I'm like I'm trying to get like you know 30 bucks or something And then she was like you could make $300 an hour if you came with me And she's like if you don't like it you never have to do it again And I was like okay And um so I went I was like oh I was like I don't have clothes for that kind of stuff How were you at the time? I was like 24 or 4? She's like um You can wear my clothes you look like my size and she's like that's how I can kind of tell that you know You know you'd be hot and she took into this bachelor party and it's like 25 guys sitting there And like we walk in the door and they were like hey, we don't have change We don't have singles is it okay?
We throw like five stands and 20s and me and her look at each other like that would be fine And so what's really crazy is she put she was just like she put me in her school girl outfit She puts in the CD of uh it was crystal method remember that band? Oh, yeah, this is the 90s guys She puts in crystal method and I literally just knew instinctively what to do entertain the shit out of these guys Like I just like you know strip my clothes off I'm pouring beer down my chest the bachelor's at the bottom drinking the beer off me and like all this shit It's just I killed it I killed it and then afterwards she's like do you want to do the next show? And I was like yes, and then I worked for her for like three years That involves sex or just um well the truth of the matter is I had one client that I did have sex with But this was because he liked a party and I liked a party and so you know he looked like Seinfeld You know just like Jerry Seinfeld like almost so much that sometimes I'm like wasn't that Jerry? I was very high also back then but um he was a sextatic big time and I would come over and We would just do piles of cocaine and I was already high too and he did he knew that I was a heroin So and he didn't mind if I was like being the bathroom for a while too So he was like yeah, he was chilled whatever And like you know sometimes I come over to his house and he had already had a girl there that just left or So one time I came there was three girls passed out and then he was still because he did like Viagra and Kocal day So wow um he was fun.
It sounds like Jerry. Yeah, I Didn't think somebody was like he looked so much like I'm like the whole jeans with a shirt tucked in and everything like brown hair I was like that's so Jerry Seinfeld, but anyways, it was it was Texas. It was the 90s It doesn't sound like it was that bad. That's what I'm saying.
I trafficked myself Like literally it was like you know, I'm already strung out what am I doing? Was there the guy in the room at those parties that was like ready to kick everyone's ass like that protected you know So this is the thing I worked for this couple excuse me I worked for this couple. It was a girl and a guy and I cannot remember their names for the liking I think my brain like blacked them out um But they so he she would answer the phone. I had to add in the paper that said I was a university of Texas cheerleader It's unbelievable to say now, but back then I had like bleach blonde hair no tattoos And um so I was the university of Texas cheerleader and she'd answer the phone and like pretend she was me And then I'd show up her boyfriend would drive me there.
He'd collect the money up front So he'd wait in the car for me. So I do the shows and then come out. Wow. Yeah So you ended up doing shows by yourself all the time Yeah, yeah after after she showed me how I was like oh, this is what I do And then I did that for you know, like I said the three years I was down in Texas except for the year like there was a year in between that I was locked up and then You did a year it was nine months for what for selling drugs got busted Yeah, I sold a heroin and I got on trouble for it as actually my boyfriend at the time I had a guy that I was with for six years He was the one that was actually selling but I had the apartment in my name So it was under my name and his so we both went to prison for nine months Hey, yeah, so you come out and decide to do what when I got out I was like, I would like that, you know, when you're in I was like, I'm gonna get out.
I'm gonna get sober I'm gonna quit off. I'm gonna go back to school. I'm gonna get my life right But when they let you out of prison, I have no clothes, no money, no food, no job, no ID I can't get a job. I can't get an address without ID.
I can't get an ID without an address I can't get any of these things and um, Jackie my ex at the time he got out the same day And we just we reunited on um, you know in Austin, Texas where we were living And then we were just walking around the streets and we're like both of us had been writing each other and prison We're like, yeah, we're gonna get out and get our shit together And we were sleeping behind some church and uh, then we run into some old customers of ours You know that we used to sell heroin too and they're like, hey, what are you guys doing? Oh, I thought you guys weren't prison. We're like, we got out. They're like, you wanna get high and both me and him looked They're like, yeah, yeah, we do.
So we just went out and it's like the day we got out We're just like, oh fuck it, you know, like what are you gonna do? You can't get a job. You can't get a house. Can't get anything And then when I also showed up at their house, I saw that they when I was arrested I didn't have anybody on the outside like at those years my mom and sister were always in and out of jail So I had no one to cook and they weren't in Texas anyways.
They were watching to say I'd known to collect my things, you know So I lost everything I own and um the these customers of ours broke into our apartment took a bunch of the stuff And so I'm in their apartment. I'm like, oh that oh that looks familiar. I was like, hey, that's my oh, I was like They're like, do you want it back? I was like dude, I don't have anywhere to put it.
You just keep it I was like, I just want this sewing kit back. Did anything happen in prison? No, I had a great time though They was like, yeah, a great time. Yeah, why?
Because um, I'm easily institutionalized I love not paying rent and you know, that's why I was homeless for so many years and um The the okay at this point I had darkened my hair some hair was all black and it was all stringy and all one length And I was super pale from being inside and doing drugs all the time and I was on I think I'd like kick methadone too recently and everything so I looked like a dead person I looked like the grudge back then and so um, you know people down in the south are really superstitious And everybody in jail thought I was a witch like a real scary witch and so no one with me Cool And I got like privileges that most white girls don't get in there because there's not a lot of white girls in there and the white girls are definitely minority And um, you know, I got to sit at the table with everybody else, you know, the other white girls are on the floor Japanese lesbian prison sex the thing is you know, I'm pan sexual and I would but there was like barely anybody there Even had teeth in the front. It was not like it's not like a lot of hotness There's there's this one girl there named alicia there's the finest girl in there and like I remember me and this other girl We're always pining over her and we were just like oh my god alicia and like we had signed up for uh, There's like a program you can join there and I thought it would look good in court if I joined it So um, but it had its own little separate facility and so I'm going to these little It's literally like you're in a high school or something. It's like this It looks like reform school girls the movie but like nobody's really hot and um Then but that girl alicia and um anytime it was time for her to take a shower She would like tell us like me and the other girl She knew that we liked to watch and she loved it She had a girlfriend though her girlfriend was which she and what she was terrifying But she would like just stood there all the time with like the one pant leg rolled up or the fist in her hand like Corn rose is like a bitch, you know, like she was not in our unit So we didn't have to like stress about her being there But there was wreck or anything or she ever found out that we were like touching her Yeah, no, so we didn't touch her but um, so it's like a group shower scenario And then there's these like sinks with the mirrors and then the mirrors look back to the shower. Yeah So when she say i'm gonna go take a shower We're like oh it's time to do laundry because they only did laundry like once a week and we wash our panties every day in the sink I'm so glad I drove up here for this But keep going so yeah, we're washing with some soap and we're just looking in the mirror and she's over there giving us the shower Yeah She was like, uh, she had the gold tooth of the dollar And she was like had some dog paw prints going up her leg and she was oh, I wish I could explain how fine she was she was like Mm-hmm.
They don't make them like that no more. Wow. Wait, so how do you eventually and I don't know your whole story I'm assuming you eventually kick her away Yeah, after yeah, I basically I moved to Portland I'll try to give a quick synopsis of that So when I got out of jail like I said me and Jackie got back together and then we were daily dealing with each other for a little While but I realized I was like this is like a brother to me now Like I mean we were dug together for years and like we had lost kind of like a sex like attraction to each other It was like that was gone and he knew that I was one of my clients for a long time in that bun to mouth Yeah, he got signed up and I did try to lie about it back then which I'm not really cool with I'm usually like pan with most my partners and they know but like what that one I was like no I've never done that and like he knew and he was like not cool with it and I get that and I respected but um anyways we ended up You know breaking up and then I went back to work for that chick for a while and um Oh, yeah, this part. I've told this on another podcast before if you guys ever watched dv we can just uh We love him.
I'll add some more to the story or something But it's similar to I said it on there before but um I moved into a crack house because once again, I don't like paying rent and so there's this crack house That was like $200 a month to live in the pantry And this is a Texas pantry so it's like the size of a studio here But not really it's like it was like this room because like this big and um so I move in there And it's um, it's it's a male prostitution den crack house. Oh boy. So there's a lot of like It's it's right out there in the open There's people's trade and sex for crack all day and I'm just like and the thing is like this is I lived I paid rent there so okay. Let me back track to you the guy who owned the house was a university University of Texas professor that came out of the closet at the age of 60 and he couldn't really deal with it He was like flipped out so he just started smoking crack and then had all these guys live there Like the person that introduced me to him was a guy that liked to buy heroin from me.
That was a crack dealer um named steppe and um I loved him. He was super cool, but he had a little room there and he was like hey There's another room over here if you want to get it 200 bucks was like I'm sold and so I showed up there and Uh, yeah, so you know there's there's guys coming in there all the time They suck they for some crack and like uh the professor didn't really have money He was just letting all these people kind of live there for so cheap and he'd spent all his money on crack and cook so fast And he would just literally I be in the pantry wake up in the morning at noon or whatever Like I always do open the door and he'd be like pretend that he's cooking or something and have the oven open Because you can see on the other side. There's the room where some guys suck and some guys dig and he'd be beating off watching like oh Yeah, and I'd open my door but dude seriously do it somewhere else. I'd always be yelling at them for masturbating and right?
This should be a sitcom. Yeah, it's a great experience I was just like guys. Yeah, I'm trying to just have a bull cereal You know and then he would literally like come to my room sometimes the professor guy And he'd just be like come over like a zombie just beating off towards my room and be like hey Could I borrow five dollars? And I'd be like Go away and you'd be like out of my room And like it was this shit all the time and I was just like this literally so Overdoasing three times going to prison like all that shit didn't really phase me as far as like getting me to quit drugs But like living in that house.
I was like I need to sober up That's what did it that helped? Yeah, yeah, it helped a lot because I'm looking at these guys I'm like, you know how people in a low situation also look like try to look down on other people You know and I was like doing that as like I'm never gonna like suck it for my drugs You know, I'm not doing that shit But I was like I'm doing that basically I'm any better than these people and how long till I'm like that bad like as these guys are like I'm so desperate all the time and I'm like this only a matter of time You know, so I was like and I'm not looking down on people that you know trade sex services or anything like that It's just for me. I didn't um I like to have sex only when I enjoy it. I don't really like to do it any other way I don't get wet for money or anything like that.
So that's just my own thing Um, but that's you're so about each of their own so I started saving up from working with that girl I was going I was back working with her, you know and I'm still doing heroin still doing heroin lying to her about it Um lying always lied about it. I never told people, you know, like it's probably obvious to most people though. Excuse me. Try tea Anyway, um, I didn't tell her I didn't tell her boyfriend because also so this they literally did eventually start to want to sex traffic Me they started getting really pimpy with me where they would be like, um, I had one guy who was a lawyer who would take me Sometimes for a week and just do piles of blow with me and a bunch of strippers and he'd pay by the hour for a week Whoa, and then he was like dying soon.
And so he's just blowing. He was buying girls boob jobs He was like doing that like he was just hanging out with strippers all the time He was usually me and five girls every night just like doing piles of blow and drinking wine with him and shit and um, so These this couple started being like They get checks from him and I'd be like, hey, can I get my check for that last show or whatever? And they'd be like, what do you want it for? Oh, and I'd be like because it's my money and I want to like maybe like buy things And they're like, what do you need?
I'll get it for you. Oh no I'm like, no, I want to have it and they started doing that shit with me and then they did this one night They did this like this is technically a date rape story. So trigger warning people, um, because She wanted to do a two-girl show with me again and I was like sure we did them all the time She's like, we're gonna go to this guy's house and she's like, is it okay? Like it's cool if uh, you know her boyfriend or whatever films it and whatever It's like yeah, it's fine.
It's like a thing we do sometimes But this they were already acting weird and then this night She was like, I want to do some ecstasy can we all do some ecstasy? And I was like, yeah, yeah, she's like, do you want the one cut with heroin or do you want the one cut with uh speed? And I was like, what do you think, you know, so I took the sleeping one she took the uppy one And um, and then she had like she even had me put it in her butt. That's the way she wanted to booty bump her Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I used to do I used to date a stripper and she would always Ask like I want it to but she was like, can you put him in my butt and I used to blow coke up their butts too Did you ever take it that way?
No, because back then that would be too gay. Oh, no, not my one time. I yep one time she put it e-bombery in my butt Yeah, what did it feel like? I never done that way it was cool because I didn't get the poopy's it stopped me from wanting to get the poopy's from doing drugs It just like works straight away.
It's like gonna be the opposite. Yeah, no it isn't same with coke too one time at a big party I was like they designated lower. Yeah, so I was just blowing e-bombers up and everybody was hot too So I was just like all these really hot girls couple of mad boyfriends and the boyfriends were like they're helping like holding her hand while I put a I just hear a sound effect But yeah, so I you know I did that with her and then the guy also when we showed up the guy was already That's what it was. Oh, that's juicy.
Oh Maybe not I don't want to do that She she we showed up the guys like super greasy already He's like no, I hate greasy He's wearing a cockering and a robe and he has all these huge This is the 90s still also and he had all the hugest TVs they could make back then just all over already blasting porn in every room And then and he's already beating off too. I like this guy. I like him too. He was stylish He was he was on some next level shit and um anyway, though And he didn't even try to Gus he just wanted to do like live viewing and she told me that too He's not gonna try to listen She was like but I'm gonna like pretend to kill with this dildo and she had this giant dildo And I was like pretend for sure.
She's like, yeah, and you know, of course pretend pretend that Well, she's gonna put on a strap on and make it look like okay for the video, you know, and then She's like but um would be cool if I tie you up and stuff too. I was like, yeah sure Dude the ecstasy she gave me started hitting me. I couldn't lift my face off the ground. I was floored I was I was murdered and then she literally did like me with the thing and I couldn't even say anything I was like paralyzed and yeah, it was like not too horrible because there was no pain Um, I didn't feel anything, but I also was just like I just got scammed You know like and after that I was like these people, you know, like I'm getting out, you know So I started like give you money for that one.
I think I did get some money for that one But they still owed me like thousands of guys checks, you know, so every other money that I was getting I and any tips and everything I'm just squirreling away. I swirled away $6,000 And then yeah, and then I just I had also this whole time I had a dog that I got um from some street kids that was a sharp pay pitbull mix and that's the other part of the reason I got sober Cuz living in that crack house. I felt like it's gonna get rated eventually just like my house And I was like they're gonna just kill this dog But like you personally at this time I have to ask like how's your soul? Are you feeling like dark?
Are you feeling lost? I was completely hopeless completely like did not believe there was a way out. Honestly still is just gonna take the chance for that dog Honestly, I was just like I gotta get him out of this like I'm fucked But at least gotta get him out of here And so I got a plane ticket for both me and that dog and flew us up to Portland Oregon because my sister was already up there And she had already actually been out of rehab for a year She went through a program that I ended up going to called the mentor program Which I highly recommend because they deal with a lot of their x-addicts that Became counselors and so they know you're bullshit You can't bullshit them like you can bullshit regular counselors Which I was gonna do if you know like when these guys are all x-cons too So they knew all the way You know and so I couldn't go there and be like I'm gonna hang out with someone like who you know Like and the things that give you like a key to a place Your only thing is you just have to have clean uas and just go to 90 meetings in 90 days to pay your rent basically And that worked for me. I just needed a stable place to And you did it recover one shot.
Yeah, yeah, because you never went back to do no No, no, I mean I tried to do rehab some years before and failed. Okay, but this is my time Yeah, and then completely sober of everything. Yeah, I just mean it's the hardest I go but and that's been how many It's well in February to be like 22 years You're a warrior welcome miracle. They say so then though after that Are you thinking yourself?
I'm gonna get out of the the sex stuff or you like I'm gonna say no I really wanted to go back to dancing. Okay, not that way I didn't I do like the private shows But I knew I could never do without having a security like that and the system that they had was really good Like I said, I had sex with one guy But everybody else it was just dancing and I liked and I liked and the thing was too is like we got them in front So clients knew they touched me shows over like I could walk out the door. I'm like don't touch me We're good and I'm like that. I'm kind of like I only like being touched when it's on my like whatever I think a lot of people are like that.
Absolutely. Um, anyways, um, I wanted to go back to dancing right away Just and I was important and they have all the greatest clubs, you know and My rehab was like no, you're gonna go back to use you shouldn't do sex or honestly for a lot of people They're probably right for I for so for two years or a year and a half or something I tried to go to college and I was not very good at it I like got my GED I took some classes I was like I'm gonna be a Spanish translator and I studied Spanish for a couple years and I We we going though. I cannot speak Spanish this day. Yeah, like in the end of the key though I'm not supposed to be a part of a board.
Oh, but it's like I just not I like I have to I've gone to Mexico many times and I tried to immerse myself and still it's like I just can't get it It's too hard for my little brain. So then to dancing you go. So after two years of I did the staff I did all the stuff I got you know had a sponsor work a program gets meetings every day. Um, I just told my rehab, you know, like well, it's not I'm not a rehab like it was only six months program But my counselors I'd still talk to you all the time.
I was like, you know what for me. Um, I know you guys say that this dancing stripping isn't spiritual work, but also neither is Taco Bell. So I'm gonna go work in the strip club because I'm gonna kill myself if I had to work a regular job. That's just the way I am.
Yeah, like I'm not meant for that and I can't say so we're doing that work So I'm gonna do what makes me happy and that's what I did for 20 years and I love it And I stayed sober the whole time working in bars and I don't recommend it. Not everyone can do it Um, but alcohol is also never a problem for me and that's a big plus for me. Yep, all right And then your diet maybe because you quit all those bad things you had to eat something bad Were you always a vegetarian or when did that? I think I always had a vegetarian soul and I could part of that is my grandma and grandpa are missionaries from the Seventh-day Vince church and they're vegetarian and so I was in veg- I was in Seventh-day Adventist teachings most of my life And that was the one thing that I actually really respected about that religion Even I don't really like religions But I can I disregarded all religions after reading just about every religion that I cared to read about because all of them condemn Bisexuality homosexuality or they just aren't Embracing of it and I always knew I was and I didn't want to be in any religion that doesn't agree with the way I am So I couldn't get with the religious part, but I I Just thought that and I just have always been I love animals more than people So and I know a lot of people hate on me for saying that but I don't care.
It's just the way I am Yeah, I think it's cool. Yeah, so you don't drink water. You do it I do I do drink water, but it's I have to force myself to drink it. I should hate it I won't even say that anymore because that's part of the psychology.
Yeah, it's to even say that I hate it I try to say I prefer chive, you know, I prefer you know teas and stuff, but um water is good And I should drink more water. I've had kidney stones So I should drink more water. Yeah, kidney stones are directly related to the fact I don't drink enough water Right, so you do that but you still like pizza and bean and cheese I've gotten way better at eating healthier since I had some health issues Recently so I've been you know some inflammation joint stuff So I've been I tried like an anti-inflammatory diet for a while and I still kind of do that as much as possible Good. Yeah, so you feel better?
I do I do feel a lot better. I think the steroids really helped me too get out of the It was like a reactionary Inflammation steroids. Yeah, I got steroids for a little bit. I was worried about that Dude, I did not like them though.
They were harsh for me Like a vegetarian living They have the vegetarian Your answer on steroids anyway, I'm not on them anymore. I only took them for a week Damn it I know Do you do anything now because you're such an open book I mean as far as trying to help other people that may have been in the situation you were in like other women or I think this is helpful just telling your story But you have any advice like for people that are going down that road like I mean you're just I don't know like I always keep my instagram open that so A lot of people know that I was in a documentary in the 90s called black tar hair and dark into the streets It's been on youtube forever and it was on HBO back in the day A lot of people find you through that on youtube and I get dms all the time of people asking me about recovery The only thing is that most people don't want to hear it, right? You know, I don't want to preach it That's the reason I don't really go out and help people if somebody if anybody ever asked me to speak at meetings or speak I've done hospitals and institutions before or other organizations like that Where you go and talk to people and I would love to go back and talk to people in prisons That would be great. It's kind of hard to get in on those but um Yeah, it is it's weird because there's like a when we call there's like little cults in the meetings to get in What's the craziest story you have for me when it comes to being a dancer?
Like what is the scenario where you're like wow? I've never seen this before I feel like just I mean just like stuff in texas like with the guy That was like having all these strippers like we played a truther dare every night and sucked each other's titties and pussy And like you know just it but all playfully it was like having a week-long Pillow fight like like it was like slumber party massacre like all the time just like you know babes and we'd go to stir clubs and grab them New girls and you know just it was that was to me like it was heavenly Like that's I was like there's no other way I could probably live this part of life But being a fuck up actually so I'm glad in some respects that I had that life because I got to enjoy some shit that I only fantasize about as a young girl and like I'm just surrounded by boobs You know I totally relate to that yeah, but you're also surrounded by creepy potentially dangerous situations Just so that's and that's the things through my life the most dangerous stuff I ever dealt with was not in stripping it was those years of being homeless and hitchhiking by myself all the time By myself in the 90s didn't even get weird in that I think the I think the I might have told this story before it to you on another episode I swear I did years ago, but you guys out there if you recognize this story I'm sorry once again my best stories are my best stories. I would hear it But there was a time I hitchhiked from San Francisco to Seattle I had already you know I was a heroin addict so I've already been doing heroin and then of course on the Right up the first guy that picks me up as this cool truck driver He's like fucking blasting motorhead. He's leaning out the side of the truck when I get in he's like Fuck off.
You know just yelling at these other truck drivers to get out of the way or whatever and like I was like oh, this is gonna be fun. I get in and he's and he's got a pimped out truck like the inside You know some of them really pimp out their tracks. He's like not he had the lights. He had the second time everything I was like oh, this is he's got mirrors everywhere.
I was like oh, he's partying and so he's like he wanted to do some speed I was like fuck it He wanted to do some speed so I'll hit them for three days. We're doing fucking line after line He never tried to fuck me and do nothing He was the coolest motherfucker and like he's like you know just at the end of the ride He's just like that was good hanging out. You know lady you too. He's like thanks for keeping me away goes like thanks for keeping me awake too Like that guy was cool, but so he draws me off in Portland And then I'm thinking that I'm on this fucking awesome trip like I'm having these great rides And then this lady picks me up in this fucking hot trans and she's a beautiful latina lady Like I'm just like oh my god.
She's so hot. I was like I've never been picked up by a lady before Jesus You know back then I looked a lot more butch like especially if I was hitchhiking I'd wear baggy clothes carry a skateboard and wear a beanie and just try to look like like a little boy or whatever Which is also why I got a lot of truck drivers picking me up and then a lot of them would be bummed to find out I wasn't a boy Actually, yeah, sorry about that Most of the things most of the guys I knew when I was homeless that they were all hop and trains They told me that they never hitchhiked because they would always get raped at the hitchhike Oh my god, and I was like oh wow wow that doesn't happen to me, you know, of course it could have happened to me too It just I got lucky, but um I guess wasn't their type um so anyway um after that guy drops me off in Portland and the girl picks me up and she's taking me to Tacoma I'm going to Seattle, but she's like I can drop you off in Tacoma. I'm like It's close enough. I guess I can bus it from there, but she drops me off It's like midnight or something.
Um, so buses aren't running anymore. I don't know if any of you've ever been to the hilltop Tacoma Okay, at the bus stop continue Maniac 90s was nothing but crack deals going down. It was sketch sketch as fuck and back then so at this time I'm 17. This was even earlier.
This is before I ever was a server. It was before everything I just said I was just a baby homeless and I had this is the thing This is like such early days that I had like hair down in my ass that was all blue dreads Like I only had that literally for a few I had that for a few months because my hair naturally dreaded from hitchhiking and being homeless I wasn't trying to have drives you guys This is the first time officially that you've been nasty to me Really it's not as bad as it I literally shaved it as soon as I got back to the northwest. I just couldn't and I would write it I didn't have the apparatus there anyway, anyway, I'm sorry, but um the So I looked crazy to be in that neighborhood. I did not belong everyone knew it I'm sitting at like this corner store right by the freeway debating Should I continue to try to hitchhike because it's illegal to hitchhike off the freeways in Washington state You can get arrested just doing that and um then it's dark.
No one's gonna see me also So I'm like, uh should I just go find a bush to hide out in until the morning or something there? I'm just trying to debate my scenario though the whole time I'm thinking about what I should do like multiple dudes like Crockettler looking dudes came up to me. They're like are you okay? And I'm like, yeah, you don't find I'm fine and um I was like, oh, Jesus Christ.
This is so bad. This is not good because everyone can tell I'm not supposed to be here And then finally like the fourth guy I was like, I'm gonna something bad's gonna happen tonight. I might as well like go with somebody and he's like The fourth guy comes up and he's like you need to get out of here And I was like I know and he's like he's like I'm gonna take you down to the great house station We're gonna get you out of here and I was like, okay, cool cool. So I almost got no This is like a dealer looking dude.
Okay, and um I noticed also that he walked with a limp So I was like, okay, if he tries anything I can run from him consuming and that's automatically what I'm thinking Oh my god. I forgot my doctor's calling me Steroid dinner. Um, no, but anyways, the guy uh walks me to The great house station the great house station is closed and then he's like shit We were gonna do with you and I'm like, I don't know. He's like, um, he's like, it's really not safe for you to be here And I'm like, I know I really don't I don't have a choice.
Um, this is where I got dropped off And he's like he's like you're gonna hang out with me for a little bit like but you have to you know, be really quiet Don't say anything, you know, I'm like, okay fine. So I'm like walking around with him He's selling drugs and he's selling some crack He's got people coming up to him trying to like get deals as late as like um, he's the only someone else and this lady comes I'm just like tell him telling this gold is real telling this gold is real. It's like I don't know if it's real I don't know anything about gold. She's like just tell him it's real.
I'm like, she's like, don't tell him I'm pregnant I'm like what what is happening? Like all this fucking crazy shit's going on and then he's walking down the street with me and this um This carload of guys like pulls up and like stops right in front of him and they could jump out and he's like He's like pushes me behind and they come up to him and like start fucking yelling at him and something and he was like, no No, she's not working. She's not working like they thought like he was pimping me on their street And like so that made me kind of also feel safer with him, you know, I was like, oh, yeah I just almost got in trouble just for walking down the street, you know, like people think I'm on their turf like Get me out of here, you know, and then he's like seriously I'm telling you you can't be out here and I'm like, I fucking do me He's like, let me take you to my cousin's house and um, so I can deal with some shit He probably had to re-up or whatever He's like I'm just actually here for a minute until I can see if my cousin can take you up to Seattle Okay, cool. So I'm sitting in this house His friend or cousin or whoever and his wife or girlfriend or whatever and they're sitting there and they're like They start to smoke some crack and they're looking at me and they're like you want to hit and I was like Oh, no, I'm trying to quit and they're like I said you want to hit and I was like, oh, yeah, sure Because I was like, oh, I think I'm an arc And I was like, I can't like I never smoked crack before but I was like here we go I mean other time I shot heroin but like what's the big difference?
But really like crack was not my thing and so I smoked crack that first time and I guess you know the first time you smoked crack It's like PCP ish yeah, whatever where it's like you maybe you guys smoked crack Yeah, all the time yeah, the first time's different than the other times, right? Uh I thought the second time got me maybe it was like different stuff, but whatever No, I was like, this is really good. I could do this again. Don't ever do it again.
Yeah, I did it I've done it multiple times and I've even shot it up and I never liked it Yeah, you can shoot it up if you break it down with lemon Okay, we're the listeners out there Do it like advice. Don't do that but Lemon is the key it's disgusting and it makes it feels like they're the dirt in your body. It's really oh my god Yeah, I've shot it anyway, you just like the crack with these people but yeah, so I hit the pipe All right, the pipe guys and then um, I'm literally like sitting there like you know where um superman goes to the ice cave Yeah, like that's like where I was I was just like I stopped just like Zoning and like the dude comes back and um he sits next to me and he starts smoking some crack with his friends And he's taking a break. I guess from dealing or whatever and he starts, you know, he's high and he starts to look at me now And he's like, you know, we could fix you up and I'm like, oh, yeah, sure sure.
Yeah, like yeah We just get get brushed out that hair or something like put you in something cute you could make money Uh, and I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I could he's like I can make you one of my girls and I was like, yeah, yeah We could be the because of that. That'd be fucking cool. Yeah, you know cuz I'm fucking hired And I just drift in and I'm dreaming and all of a sudden the fucking like cloud pops is just like boom and I'm like, no I'm not no I'm not staying here. I need to get out here like no no no no.
He's like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, that's right. That's right You're getting out here. Okay.
Yeah, yeah, I was like, oh god, okay, and so then He's like, oh, yeah, let's take you to my cousin's house. So we go over there and then he's It's so late now. It's like three four in the morning or something out five in the morning I don't know it's like getting late and I had already been you know doing dope in san francisco Just days before three days of being high on speed with a truck driver. I'm fucking crashing off the crack and everything I'm so tired and like we get to this cousin this other cousin guy's house And it's like it's crazy to like the set design of this place Like it's all white walls with a bunch of religious stuff in there and like the tv is blessing some like um religious speaker, you know And like all this shit and I'm just like, oh, this is really cool And um, I just like see the bed and I just go for it I'm like I just need to lay here for one minute So I lay down and then the guy like gives him bed with me and he lays next to me and I'm like, oh fuck But I'm so tired.
I'm like, oh, god, damn it. He's just laying here And he's like, yeah, we gotta wait a little while for my you know friend to get off working you can take you up there and like, okay, okay And I'm laying there and then he starts putting his hands in the pants and I'm like, no dude. No, I'm so tired I'm just really tired dude. He's like Does it again?
And then you know, he was really trying to go for it and I'm like, oh fuck dude Here we go. This is going down and then you know and then he grabs me and he starts getting ready And I pulled down my pants and all this shit and I'm like, here we go here. We go get and get it tonight It's finally happening. This is the end and then he he's like, I was crying He's like, what are you crying?
Like, I'm in love with you and I'm like no, no you're high. I'm cracking I'm coming off crack and it's just like we're not really this is I just don't want to do this dude And he's just like dude, don't be sad about it. Like I really love you. I care about you.
I was like dude No, I don't want this and he you know, I'm just like but I'm kind of giving up and I'm barely fighting because I'm just like dude I'm so fucking tired. I don't have the energy to fight this guy and um then I was I was kind of like gave in I was like fuck it. They were just fucking do it and then I'm like not fuck that You know like I got like my my energy back is like fuck this He's got a fucked up leg. I can run and so I just fucking shoved him off me and I ran out the door and by that time the buses were running and I got on What did I got away?
Dude, you have you may not be religious, but you have a fleet of guardian angels I think because That's that's heavy. I mean, yeah, I thought that time it was happening But that's the closest like that's the worst thing that almost happened shit What a story I've known to fucking ages. I know that not like I've met you a couple times You're like here 10 times and I didn't know that I asked the wrong questions the last 10 times Heavy heavy and thank you for sharing. Yeah.
Yeah, I mean these situations And you're out there freestyling doing your huck thin lifestyle out on the road And this is the kind of shit you're in it really I do think about all the time like this So many things could have gone wrong like I think about life as like I choose your adventure book And there's so many times I chose the wrong adventure And it so should have ended up bad, but I somehow scirted it So fucking lucky Like I cannot believe it. Yeah, I can I thought I got away with it, but you went I mean and the OD story is the same thing, you know left out on the street to die someone on a bicycle scene me Paul and ambulance. Maybe the Narcan brush They didn't even have I don't even know they had Narcan back then maybe they did no they probably did I got the shop pedals. Oh So your heart stopped.
Yeah, yeah, I mean the ambulance and I got the fibbed and woke up quit trying to kidnap me Right You were dead. I'm like I was sleeping And they're like no you were dead Yeah, they get me to the hospital. This is San Francisco and they get in the hospital I'm like now and I'm like trying to get away from them and the doctor comes over and the the ambulance drivers are like Um, he's like, what is she in here for because you know, he's busy He's doing his shit and they're like she just OD and he's like let her go back out and kill herself We got people trying to live over here and I was like see and so I ran out I feel like I'm sorry, but just for the listeners and you don't have to talk about if you don't want but the childhood normal not normal No, definitely not normal. Okay.
Obviously. I mean, I don't want to say obviously, but it is Yeah, of course. I was in foster care child abuse all that stuff. I'm friends with my mom now I have for Dave everybody a great relationship with my sister I mean we aren't foster care together and then we're split up and both of us became heroin addicts and both of us gotten recovery and she's got A year or two years so more so than me.
I don't know but we both been so wrong. You're not you're you and your sister are not the usual still way That's not how this book ends and your book is rewritten and it's happening right now I just you're an oppressive human. Yeah, but you're even the one with my sister like my sister also for a while after Out of foster care. She was dating also abusive dudes, which is like the typical pattern where abuse as a child and then you date this asshole these assholes and You know the same thing like she broke that cycle because she doesn't do you know?
She got sober and she like better at herself and she now she owns her own cat to shop and has people working boring doesn't And date someone who's super sweet and like, you know both of us came from like trailer trash or whatever You know, we want to call it and like got out of it Well, I've always loved you. You're the best. I've always been a fan. I also obviously want to have sex with you incredibly a lot But it's beside your I was wearing off in these days.
It's not I Do it all the time And you're getting older so am I so it's kind of still Still totally even Time goes by you're still my type. Yeah, so thanks so much for being on the show and rushing here This is the last minute things to great thing about living in the valley everybody I get to see malice and fucking pumped Jonathan amazing work. Thank you so much for being here. I'm so happy to be here.
Tell you obviously at the couldn't be here And I mean I fucking came through dude. You're on fire. It's all her. I just I just I mean, this is yeah, you're co-hosting.
I love these days. I'm gonna listen to this. I'm gonna listen to this because it was fascinating Yeah, I'm proud of you. It's a nice rainy day stories And now let's work and we find you and all of your works Well, I'm still somehow official mouse my mom on instagram until they one day figure out how to get rid of me Um and then you know, my last six six Mcmon on twitter slash Only fans and yeah, that's it for now.
I guess I am working on getting some clothing stuff online But that's where you know later cool. Yeah, thanks. Mouse. Love you.
Thanks everybody for listening check it out patreon shows patreon.com slash elis mate We're out here hustling. Have a good one. Don't die