Mariska Hargitay

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Hello, everyone. Welcome to another episode of Good Hang. Very excited about our guest today. The one, the only, Mariska Hargitay. We have wanted Mariska to come by for a very long time. We're so happy that she's here, and we're going to talk about a lot of very exciting stuff. We're going to talk about her beautiful new HBO documentary, My Mom Jane. We're going to talk about the fact that she's America's favorite detective. We're going to discuss what parts we would play in an all-female version of Hamilton. It's a great interview, and let's get started listening to it. But, oh, but before we do, guess who we have?

You know, we always like to talk to somebody who knows our guest, who has a question for our guest. And we got a good one. We got Christopher Maloney. That's right. Detective Stabler is here. And you may know him from Oz and from SVU and from Law & Order Organized Crime. Most importantly, you might know him from his star turn in Wet Hot American Summer, where I met him. But Chris Maloney is joining us today. Chris, can you hear us?

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I'm staying at Mariska's place. Get out of here. How cool. Yeah. And I can't show it to you because I haven't been authorized, so. No. But it's super secret. It's like a lair. You remember the Batmobile? Yeah. It's a fence that goes down and you go into a cave and the fence goes up. I mean, it's really, it's crazy. Oh, you have to like put your hand on a sensor and it reads your fingerprints. Yep. Everything. Yep. God, you know what? This is all just, this is also satisfying for listeners that you're staying at Mariska's house. Yeah. Okay. Before we get to her though, hello, hi.

We got to know each other on a cult classic, a film called Wet Hot American Summer, which, I mean, some could argue you stole that movie right from under all of these sketch little shrinky dinks you just came in. Thank you. That's really sweet because I just look at the whole piece as, you know, to me, it's the epitome of a cult classic. In fact, when it did not do well at the box office. I remember, you know, I'd been in the biz long enough to go, you know, wah, wah. I had a great time. I thought it was great. Whatever. And then all of a sudden, you know, over the years, you keep seeing these young people or being stopped in the street by younger people. And you're like, okay, am I crazy? Or is this a thing that's happened? Yeah. And that was so exciting. Let's talk about what you're working on. Are you shooting currently right now? No. I want to play the head coach of a football team in the NFL. I mean, you definitely have a coach vibe. How do you stay so fit? Oh, man. You know, four or five days a week. Oh, my God.

You know, and as you, look, I've been working out, I calculate, and I think the longest I've not worked out is maybe two weeks. Oh my God. And I've been doing that for 50 years. That truly sounds like a nightmare. Yeah. And it was. Yeah, it is. But now it's my drug of choice, so it's all good. Yeah, I get it. I mean, it's a fantastic thing to invest in yourself and it feels good and it lengthens your life and all of it. But man, yeah, that's a lot of hard work. Well, on behalf of everyone everywhere, thank you. Congratulations. All the little people, thank you. All the little actors in Hollywood.

The frail little actors. Now, Mariska and you, I mean, you've had to answer a million questions over the years about your relationship on the show and off the show and on shows and off shows. But it really is truly like you are family to each other. Yeah. How would you describe your relationship to each other? I think it was based, I think there's a strong quarterstone that is comedic based. We both are constantly in search of great comedy.

And, you know, we literally tested out on each other. We used to, in between setups, we would act drunk. And then critique each other. Go ahead and go, no, this is too much. No, no. Okay, there. Go ahead. I used to say, too, when I had to play drunk, the first thing I would do is I would take a big step closer to whoever I was talking to. See, that's good. Spatial awareness is gone. Just one step closer. Because I know those people. You know, they do this thing. And you're like, okay, okay. Totally. Okay, so you and Mariska like to do bits. Yes. This is something about it.

for a split second she was she was talking about she was looking you know she was going out on dates a lot or she's going out on dates and i said i've you should be dating a guy named gerald and why it struck us as funny we don't know but all of a sudden she had a phantom guys that she dated that she was really in love with, but it was difficult to manage with Gerald. Sure. There's nothing like a fake boyfriend. Yeah, but I mentioned, I said, I go, Gerald's here, but I told him to get lost because you were working. In the middle of like, you know, setting up a scene. And she goes, gosh, Chris, you're not allowed to do that. And she starts running out. She goes, Gerald! I went, there you go. It makes no sense. It's not even particularly funny, but it's just funny to us. I love a bit. God, I mean, it's the only way sometimes to get through a long day is a dumb bit. Yeah, and I'll say this because the genesis of where...

I drove us. Your question was, you know, what's the secret to the sauce? And so, you know, it's the comedy. But I would also add that there's something spiritual in it. And I think that's in her nature. And, you know, perhaps it's an aspect of mine that I recognize. Do you think you knew each other in a past life? That's funny. Yeah, I don't think in those terms. Even though I feel that way, like New York to me, is that to me? That when I arrived in New York, I went...

I don't even know what this thought is, but I should have been born here. That's so funny you say that. I felt the same way when I came to New York. I thought, oh, right, this is the city I'm supposed to live in. Right. Oh, I can check this box. I'm no longer lost. That's how it felt to me. Interesting. I mean, I wonder if there's like, there's all this like speaking of spirituality. There's all this idea that there's like people in your life. And I can think of some for me who just, when I met them, I was like, oh, there you are.

And they became part of my life. They're now, you know, we're all of the age now. We're now we're knowing and working with people for 25 years, 30 years. And suddenly it's like they are some version of a group that was supposed to come together. You're funny. I have the same thing. And I've never put it in those terms. But when I walk away from someone, I'll say this. That's a solid citizen.

But you know, that's someone that you can build a community with. Yes. That's a solid citizen. I love that. That's a solid citizen. I love that. Okay. Speaking. So we're talking to very solid citizen Mariska Hargitay today. Yeah. I'm very excited to have her in the studio. Mariska and I have gotten a chance to see each other out in the world, but never really had a real conversation. And I've seen her, you know, at, you know, I've been lucky enough to be part of the many good works that she does. And of course, I'm a huge fan of her work and I've been very moved by her recent film, but.

There's a lot of sides to her. And I feel like you get, you know, that everyday work environment thing is like you really get to know someone. And so I guess, do you have a question for me today that I could ask her that you feel like she never gets asked or that, you know, I don't know, she would like to be asked about? She is the consummate multitasker. And it's a gift that I marvel at. You know, she's a good connector of people. So she has a wide spectrum of the world as well as a very keen, incisive.

mano y mano engagement with people. She can assess people very well and engages them always from a kind of a pure heart. She's always trying to find the solution or the good. And I guess, you know, a question, what is that? What's the driving force of all of these things? And did you know that, you know, did you start out, oh, I'm going to be an actor.

And then when was it, when do the tumblers start to drop? I love what you're saying because like figuring out the why of things. The why of the journey, yeah. That is like to me that, you know, like what curiosity is about. Like she seems like a very curious person and I'm curious about her curiosity basically. And you know, that's what I thought made her documentary about her mom so poignant was the clarity of what the journey was, right? The genesis of it, her feelings, the things that needed to get resolved for her, the deeper insight.

Oh, my God. Oh, we lost video again. Hey. But that's okay. No, no, hold on. Do you have me? We have you! Do you know why I lost you? Mariska just called me. Amazing. Amazing. She's like, what are you talking about? She goes, why won't you pick up? Are you naked? Do you want me to call her? Yeah, let's call her right now. Because I think she's on the way here. Does she know you're doing this? No. Amazing. No, so hold on a second. Don't say anything. What? What's up, girlfriend? I felt so happy that you...

I want you to enjoy it. Just text me or Sophie if you need to figure out how anything works or whatever. Okay. And was that a hint? Do you want a nudie? First of all, I'm so sorry. That's so gross about those lemons. I went through it buying a shit ton of lemons because I loved having all the time. I'm serious. Well, I saw your lemonade sign. I saw your big lemonade sign up there. Hey, where are you going? What are you doing? Right now, I'm going to Amy Poehler. I do a podcast. I love Amy Poehler. No, I love Amy Poehler with all my heart and soul. That's why. I was just playing you. You've always loved her. Since day one. I love you more than you know. Thank you so much. Ciao.

That was a lot. When I tell you that you guys should start in OnlyFans, where people pay to hear you guys FaceTime, that was incredible. I got very nervous. I actually started to sweat because that was like a high school version of hearing how somebody was going to talk about me. Thank God she didn't say anything bad. What if she had said, I have to go do this dumbass podcast? Well, number one, I trusted that she didn't, it's not that, but I love that she didn't want to offend me when I'm like, nah.

When you said, I was like, Molly, are you nuts? She just wants to play. She's the best. I love talking to you. I hope I see you soon. Good. I love you. Thanks, Chris. Great to see you, buddy.

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I was walking out of my apartment this morning and some lady, she's a very sweet lady, goes, oh my God. My son goes to college where she went to college. And so she said, oh, your son, he's great. And then I don't know how my age came up. And I go, yeah, I know. And now I'm 60. And she goes, don't tell anyone your age. And I go, and she's probably 70. And I go, why? I'm proud of it. And you know, 60 is very hot. 60 is the new.

Hot. 60's hot. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it's hot. That's why I get so happy for people that turn 60. I'm like, trust me, sweetie, it's all just beginning. I know. I mean, people get really bunched up about age. I want to talk to you about it, too, because I do think— Okay, I love talking about it. Okay, because I bet you, like me, it's only getting better. Only getting better. Only getting better. And I'll tell you something. I remember when I turned 40, and I used to tell people, oh, my God, life begins at 40. Because my 20s were super hard and really struggled. And then 30, you go, oh, okay. So now it's a new beginning. But then 40 is when it really—

kind of kicked in and I got married and had kids. And then 50, you go, oh, I'm in it and I know how to do it. But 60 gives you a... new permission. We learn no, but no with love. And we learn like, oh, this is how much time I have left. And I'm so grateful to be alive. And I want to spend my time in the best, most useful, productive, loving, generous, but also generous to myself way that you go, I'm just so clear. There's a clarity to 60. Top of Act 3. 60s is top of Act 3. That's exactly right. And bottom of Act 2 can be a little, there can be some reckoning. But top of Act 3, you're like, all right, let's do it. Let's do it. But also, listen, you're the teacher of this also to everyone about.

I really, I really do. Like, I would say humor and comedy has saved my life. And like a person who can make you laugh when you're really down is like an angel. It's exactly right. Those are the words out of my mouth. And sometimes I'm so, this is why I'm still married. Because my husband, sometimes I'm so upset or something's happening. I'm so scared. And I'm like, no, no, you don't understand. Or I think I'm having an anxiety attack. And then I'm like, no, Peter, something's wrong. Something's wrong. I feel like I think there's a tightness in my chest and I might have to go to the hospital. I can't feel my right arm. And I think I'm going to die. He immediately goes into the comedy. And as soon as I laugh, I go, because that's his test. It's a litmus test. Should I be scared or not? And I'm so grateful for that. Me too. I'm so great. I'm profoundly grateful for that. Even when my kids do bad things.

I call them losers. And then they say, oh, it's not that bad if she's calling. And we laugh through it. I know. I mean, that kind of like, I've said this before, but like gentle teasing is like a love language that means you're safe. I'm safe. We will get through this. I know. We'll get through this. I know. And you know. Gentle teasing, even hard teasing. Hard teasing. Hard teasing. I learned that from, well, Chris Maloney was my teacher. This guy played so rough. Yeah. And was the first person that busted balls.

so hard, but I did grow up with two brothers, so I was like, oh, oh, is this how we do it? Is this how we do it? And we were so rough on each other, but then it became truly our love language. Okay, this leads me to say what I was going to say later in the interview, but I have to say now, which is we do a thing at the beginning of the interview where we ask someone to speak well behind someone's back. Okay. And we kind of ask, like, we do a little like Zoom with somebody. Oh, I'm talking to Mariska today. Do you think you have any questions I should ask her? So we talk to Chris. Oh. And not only did we talk to Chris, but we just talked to him 20 minutes ago, and he answered. Oh my God, look at me starting to sweat. Okay, I'm sweating too, because he answered.

Your phone call while we were on Zoom. And I wrote back and said, why won't you answer my FaceTime? Are you naked? That's what I said. Just answer my FaceTime because he's at my house right now. Okay, we know. We know he's at my house. Because he was talking so lovingly about you. He's going through all of it. First of all, thank you.

for not saying anything bad about me because it was like, Maloney put us both on the spot in the best way when he was like, what are you doing? And you're like, I'm going to Amy Poehler's podcast. And I was like, oh my God. Wait, you were on the phone. You heard what I said? Yes. And I said, you love her. Yes, you were so nice. And it was, and so like, while I was talking well behind someone else's back, somebody else talked well behind my back.

That is so sweet. That is very healing. Thank you. By the way, is there anything better than that than having somebody have your back? No, there's nothing better. There's just nothing. I was talking to my sisters this morning. I'm worrying about it. It's everything to me. Well, Maloney's got your back. Yeah. And you guys have, I mean, I want to get into it because it's, to me, it speaks to like this bigger idea of like how our workplace becomes like a second home and our family.

you guys tease each other in a way that to me is like, that's what it looks like with the people I love. That's how I show my love. And people don't know, you were in the groundlings. Like comedy first. Always. How did I end up as America's sweetheart sex cop? I should have been you. I wanted to be you. I wanted to be a lot older. I wanted to be a lot older. I was like, oh my God. I wanted to be taken seriously. All I wanted to be was you. I was like, oh my God. All I wanted to be was be like, listen to me. And everyone was like, no, babe, no one's going to listen to you. Oh my God, should we switch for a day? My dream. Okay, I'm going to try to see if we can make this happen. We'll Freaky Friday that shit. Yeah, we'll Freaky Friday that shit. I mean, because I would watch and I was like,

to have that gravitas and play those scenes and to be able to be in charge instead of being like, boing, boing, boing. But I'm in real life. You want to be boing, boing, boing. Because you start, wait, how old were you when you did Groundlings? God, that was many years ago. Many years, 20s, right? Yeah, 20s. And then Kathy Griffin always tells me in her book, she tells a story about how she dropped me. Also, she said we did a trust exercise. And then I, of course, I'm like, you know, yes, I am. And she said that I just, you know, leaned back and she dropped me. You don't remember that? I don't. And I also think maybe that's part of what's wrong with me now. When you were auditioning in the beginning, were you going out for comedic stuff? Yes, I did a lot of, yeah, I did, you know, I did Seinfeld and I did Single Guy. You know, I tested for Friends. You did? So many times. Which part?

Do you remember? I think it's Monica, I think. So long ago, again. But I always thought that I would end up being on a sitcom or doing comedy. That's what I thought. Yeah. And it was so funny because this is one of my favorite stories that you will love. So I'm in L.A., struggling actor, was doing, I think it was after, was it after ER?

Yeah. After ER, I was like, what am I going to do? What am I going to do? I loved ER, but I was like, I want to – I had a development deal with one of DreamWorks. And so I was developing a show, and it was sort of like a la – what's the show with Calista Flockhart? Oh, yeah, Ally McBeal. Ally McBeal, where it was half dramedy. And that's what I wanted to do. I was like, I want to do drama, but it has to be funny because that's what I felt like my gifts were.

I came to New York, which I did three times a year to see theater. And then I met with a psychic. Everyone said to me, oh my gosh, Mariska, you have to meet with a psychic. He's amazing. So I drove out somewhere on Long Island to this man. And I went there and he started saying all this amazing stuff to me, stuff about my mom and stuff about a ring. My grandmother had just died. And he said there was going to be an issue with the ring, which there was. And then he said, he looks at me and he goes, I was listening to him really intently like this. And he said to me, Amy, you see that face you're doing right now? You see that face? I said.

I said, yeah, he goes, you're going to be famous for that face. You're moving to New York, and you're going to be famous for that face. And I said, no, I live in L.A., and I'm going to be a comedian because I'm funny and I'm pretty, and that is a deadly combination. I am going to be a comedian. And he looks at me, and this is my favorite moment of my life. He goes like this, I don't give a rat's ass what you say. You're going to be famous for that face. Six months later, swear to God, all my children, I got his feet. Woo-woo. Right? Woo-woo. And it was one of those things where you just go, who says rat's ass?

Yes. Is that not the best line you ever heard? Here's how I talk about psychics. Like, I love a bossy psychic. Yes. Because, sure. You know what I mean? Just tell me. And tell me with confidence. Totally. Because if you're insecure, I'm out. And I'm going to forget what you said anyway. I'm going to forget. I'm only going to remember the parts that came true. That's right. And he said, I don't give a rant's ass. Six months later, I was walking around doing that face going, where were you Tuesday night? Okay, so guys. God, I want to do that so bad. It's so good. I'm going to make this happen. Well, you know, let's talk about you were on ER.

And you were incredible on that show. And can you just tell me, before we get to your incredible show, what it was like to work? Change my life. And your performance on that show is very tender. Thank you. I love your performance on that show. That character felt very vulnerable and very funny and very sweet and tender.

To me, what was your character's name? Cynthia Hooper. Thank you. Cynthia Hooper's working at the desk, being like overwhelmed and being in love with Dr. Mark Green, playing Anthony Edwards, and being like, is this the right place for me? And it was so interesting to watch that character on that show at that time because the show was about like, we're all here with a mission. And there was someone that was like, or maybe I shouldn't be here. Very much so. And it was so nuanced how you played her. I loved her. Oh, thanks. What was the experience to be on that show? You know, we lived through what ER was. It was the pinnacle of all.

I mean, it was the greatest show on the planet and acting was so next level. And I look back at it and I think of how that show really shaped me and those actors shaped me and how invested they were, how amazing they were, how it was, it was acting like I'd never seen, but I knew I didn't know how to, I didn't know how to do exactly what they were doing. It was, it was like a little out of my league, but I watched them so skillfully. And so in such a beautiful, nuanced way, I think that was when I went. I want to do that. Whatever they're doing that's so masterful and skilled. And that was such a turning. I love that you're bringing this up. It was such a turning point in my life because of...

in acting, the truth is it's both, right? It can be so tragic, but then it's so funny, right? Because we panic, you know, our heads get squeezed. We don't know how to deal with it. All we can do is laugh. And so it was such a integration moment. One of the greatest gifts I think that my dad ever gave me was Mariska, you can learn from everyone around you. So I've always been like, if you don't know it, watch and learn, watch and learn, whether they're younger, older, anyone, watch and learn. So I did. And I do attribute so much of my success to those days of watching these masterful actors and going, I want to do that.

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You have this moment, you're on that set, you're learning what kind of actor you want to be. Can you walk us through how SVU comes into your life? Because it is, I mean, that show is beyond a TV show. That show is not only like a cornerstone for a network, a franchise, but it's also become, you know. an iconic American experience, that show. And you are the captain of that ship. And I'm sure all of these things you are now able to reflect and kind of process and hopefully enjoy. But at the very beginning, when it's not a tree yet and it's just a little tiny seedling, what's that experience you walking in, finding out about that show, auditioning for it, meeting Dick Wolf. Scary to Scary to Wolf. I'm scared of Dick Wolf. I'm sure he's so dumb. You know what? Dick Wolf wasn't scary to me then because I didn't fully know who he was and what he represented.

And, you know, I don't know if you've talked to Chris or if he told you about our audition. No. The experience was pretty magical in terms of. OK, tell us, please. In terms of, I mean, listen, I have this personality. And Chris and I, I think where we bond it is that we both have that sense of humor, that sense of play, that sense of risk, that sense of I love you. It's safe. So I'm going to beat you. You know what I mean? And so that's where the trust was built. And it came immediately. So I had read for SVU. He obviously had read for SVU. And so our callback was three women, three men.

we got to the audition and we were to be paired up. Yeah, a lot of people don't know that, that in an audition, sometimes you just get like a dance partner and it can make or break your chance to get on the show. Period. Because it was about chemistry. Yeah. So my agent said, oh my God, there's an amazing guy there. His name is John Slattery. And he's reading for the role as well. In walks Chris Maloney. And I go, Slattery! And he goes, Maloney! And so minute one, that's how it opened. That's how it opened. Because I didn't know what either one of them looked like in 1999. And he came in and I didn't know there was going to be 47 people there. So as soon as Chris comes in, I'm like, Slattery! It's going to be me in Slattery. And he goes, Maloney. And then I said, Chris comes in and, you know, he's like wearing no clothes. Big surprise. And so he has this huge cross. And I'm like, oh my God, you're a Christian. You're just getting it wrong. And he goes like this.

Yeah, no. And I go, then why do you have Jesus Christ on your arm? He goes, because I admire his commitment. And I'm like this. Okay. Got it. Got it. And it was such a, I was like, okay, well, there's that. I've never met anyone like you, but I like it. And so we're sitting there and then everyone comes in and then we got paired up. And that was the end of it. Because I knew he was going to get it. I knew that he was Elliot Stable. I knew it. I knew it. Wow. And so the other people, I think he felt the same way. Yeah. So as soon as they paired us up, we were like, oh.

Okay, partner. It was interesting. It was overwhelming, to get back to your question. It was utterly overwhelming. I loved the script and I loved the progressive nature of the show. I loved the subject matter and the fact that they were willing to tackle it. And I loved Chris. What's so interesting about your performance in the show and your dynamic together is you trade kind of like masculine and feminine a lot back and forth. And the dance is really interesting. And in other hands, that character of Olivia Benson would feel a little one-dimensional because she would feel...

you know, kind of cut off from certain parts of herself. But what's been so interesting and what I'm sure he brings out in you and you bring out in him is the like the yin and yang of those people. Very much so. And I changed very much when he left. But also...

That was done by design. And because as soon as I got the role, I went through a 40-hour training and became a rape crisis counselor so I could fully understand because I was entering in such a new world. And I wanted to understand the cops of it. I wanted to understand victims' advocates, rape crisis counselors, and sexual assault from a more holistic viewpoint. And there was so much for me to learn. And so once I became, you know, did the 40-hour training, I went, oh.

I am not going to play this, you know, like a hard-nosed detective woman who's trying to fit into a man's world and be masculine. I am going to be all of myself because that's where, as women, our power lives. But also that's where anyone's power is, is when they have the ability for integration, right? And to say, I'm this and I'm this and I'm this and I'm this. What you don't want to do is let, is be put into a box or let anyone put you in a box or put other people in a box for that matter. And then we learned very young, I mean, very early. We weren't young. There was nothing young about us when we got the show, but we learned very early that the show was only as good as the guest cast.

Right. So then we became very with the guest cast and we would just like help everyone. And it became really. And that's one of the things I think I'm most proud of is when you step on SVU. Some people come on and they're just unbelievable and talented and they understand it. And some people, they're nervous or they struggle or they don't fully understand the character or they don't whatever. We have like 16 safety nets in place that they, it's very hard to fail on our show because we got you. I mean, you're often someone's first job. You're often like, Adam Scott was on here and he talked about how he did a long order episode. I don't think it was my show and I'm really upset because I'm so obsessed with Adam Scott and all things severance. And I think it was with Jerry Orbach who also I used to hear was like, really like if you showed up and you knew your scene.

Jerry would love you forever. If you didn't know your scene. No, no. He's like this. What time am I? Yeah, like chop chop. Yeah, I got a heart out of five. I get it, Jerry. Jerry, there's a steak waiting for you, and Morton's like, you got to get out of here. Period. Period of the story. Yes. But who were some people? You must have seen a lot of people. A lot. That have come through that you thought, you saw them at the beginning of something. Is there anyone that you could? Abigail Breslin. The two people that I went, holy.

holy God, where Abigail Breslin, she was so young on the show. She kept doing this dance between takes and going like, some kind of dance she was doing. And then I started doing it with her. And then we would just do it. And it was some funny little nursery rhyme stick. I don't know what it was, but I would just do it with her. And then they'd say action. And I swear to God, I don't think I've ever seen anything like it. She would turn.

One tear. And start like lip quiver, one tear. No acting. But like I said, I remember going, what the? Are you like Meryl Streep? I said, are you like Meryl Streep? And she'd be like, I don't know. And then she'd go back to her nursery room. And I was like, oh, there's something this kid has touched. She is so magical. Savant. Savant. And then there was another person. Another person that I called in, I remember saying it to her, is Megan Fahey. When she did the show, I was like, let me tell you something. I'm just going to tell you right now, you're going to be a big movie star. You're going to be a huge star. And I don't like use that word because it's so like star. What does that even mean? But I just recognized her a talent.

be light and see she was like she was so sparkly internally like an internal sparkle and there's just been people that have come through where you go oh oh wow and it's it's almost like an effortless yeah beautiful light and it's so exciting it's so exciting to see them go on and go i called it totally i called it and and also to your point like i'm just so uh in awe of the fact that you, in working with material on a daily basis, then made sure that you were able to handle the material in your personal life. Like that you knew like, okay, I'm going to really get trained here. So I don't only know what I'm talking about, but I imagine you anticipated, because I know you do get people who approach you with very personal things. I do. Yeah. Listen, the subject matter of the show is the reason I started Joyful Heart, my foundation. Yeah, talk about that. Well, I just felt like I can't, when I found out the statistics, which was one out of four, one out of three women in their lifetime will be sexually assaulted. One out of six men in their lifetime will be sexually assaulted. And when I learned those statistics, I was like.

Stop. Hold, please. Why is everyone not talking about this? This is an epidemic. This is something that affects everyone. If you're at lunch with three or four women, one person has been assaulted. And so because as soon as I started the show, everybody, because it was, you know, this, it's on television, it becomes a water cooler conversation, and then it's okay to talk about. And that was the power of SVU, is that you had these horrific stories, true stories, ripped from the headline stories being told, and then you had a fierce, protective father figure.

fierce, nurturing mother figure, which was, you know, Chris and I, to protect you. And that's all anybody wanted. So I think that a lot of it comes from the fact that there's space to be heard. And think about everybody, every person on this planet, all we want is to be seen, to be seen and listened to. That doesn't always happen. But when we're listened to, half of it and believed, half of the injury can go away. And so...

I know that that's how I heal, is being listened to and believed. And so I think the character... who listens, who believes, and then feels a need to fix and protect, obviously is going to create safety because that's all you want. But I also, I can't save the world. I can't, I'm just trying to do it. But what I can do is teach people about how we begin. I teach people how we, how we can listen and live in a more compassionate, empathetic, and kind way. And simply by listening and simply by believing and simply by saying, I'm so sorry that that happened to you. It's.

It's like tectonic plates shifting. Well, it kind of gets back to what we were saying, which is it's not so much always about the doing of the thing. It's just about the sitting and the feeling of the thing. It's sitting. There's not as much to do as you think. That's exactly right. And I think to go back to how we started this conversation, I think that is the clarity of being older and understanding. And for me, it's been more about learning to be tolerant, tolerant with myself, and the more tolerant I've become with myself or my own pain.

the more internal space that i've had which is why i was able to make my my film yeah yeah so let's talk about your film and and and chris's question to me for you is a perfect segue into the film because chris wanted me to ask you when we were talking well behind your back and then he took a phone call from you and then you talked well behind my back thank god um but no but chris wanted me to ask you like and it's kind of what we've been talking about today there's a curiosity to you you you don't want to just figure out you know you don't want to just be outraged about things that are wrong or not working you want to figure out the why behind things the why is very important to you and He was wondering, where do you think that comes from? And that question made me think about your film because, you know, for people, you know, it premiered at the Cannes Film Festival. My mom, Jane, Mariska made a beautiful documentary about learning more about herself and her mom and her entire family and all the connections there. And it felt like that.

That exercise in trying to figure out the why behind your origin story feels like it also exists in other things that you do and work and in life and in your family right now. Is there a connection there? It's like figuring out the why? Yeah, it's funny. My stepmom just actually texted on my phone, but she texted me yesterday. This sort of why of it all is just coming up right now in a very crystallized way, which I love when sort of everything sort of comes together like that. But yeah, I think that I've spent a lot of my life trying to...

make sense of things, of chaos. And also, I'm living a life right now that I never thought that I was capable of living, right? And so I still am trying to put together the pieces of why and what those Jenga or Lego pieces were that helped build it, right? And so for my film, I was just trying to understand these people and their decisions. And so I wanted to go in with this.

disciplined curiosity because I had jumped to so many conclusions and because I felt different my whole life and like I didn't belong. And then when I found out, when I find out in the film, I was like, why? Why would he not? choose me, claim me, like what's wrong with me? Why would she leave me in this mess? Why did I feel, what were the things that were said? Why did like a little detective child, I was like, this doesn't add up, this doesn't add up, this doesn't add up. And I wanted to understand why. And I also wanted to just have somebody be straight with me. I mean, Marisha, it's so deep what you're saying, that that is little, like that is detective child then becomes in real life, this powerful detective on television who is advocating for other people to get answers while she's.

spent, you know, the very most important beginning years of her life trying to figure that out for herself. Yeah. And I think that, you know, I don't think I could have made this movie before now. Yeah. I had to build the infrastructure. Yeah. Right. To make sure that it was solid as a rock. One of the most beautiful things about the film is, you know, this idea that you're toggling between kind of like yesterday and today and your present, you're such a beautiful family and you have such a wonderful partner in theater. I do. And that relationship, watching that in real time is so moving.

And also just like sexy and fun. Like you guys are a lot of fun together. I've had the opportunity to see you together and you're a really like, you spoke about it earlier, like the way in which he can kind of joke you off of the ledge. Like you guys have fun with each other. You enjoy each other. You've been married for how long? 21. And you met on? SVU. Chris and I were so, that was what was hard for people. And a lot of people said it. We were so in our own private Idaho and we were just joking, joking. And it was such intense energy between us. And I think people were like, I can't play on that level. Do you know what I mean? I can't.

I'm sure it's like that on you guys with SNL. People go, oh shit, this is some next level shit. Oh yeah, like sometimes when I would kind of, you know, have someone around all the comedy people and they would just be doing bits and bits and bits, I'd look over to a person's face and be like, get me out of here. Yeah, yeah, no, I can't imagine. Help me, help me. Yeah, and or also like, I don't know how to get in there. Okay, but Peter, tall Peter. Tall Peter. How tall? Six, five.

6'5". 6'5". No, it's so crazy with Peter and I. And I'll tell you something. That was another thing that my dad said to me. He goes, Mariska, find out where you're going and then who's coming with you. Oh, that's so good. But Peter and I just, you know, I didn't get married until I was 40. And we...

We dated for two years. And then once he asked me to marry him, we got married in four months because I had to do it over hate. You know what I mean? And so it was like, okay, chop, chop. And we're rolling. And yeah, we're rolling. And so then it was just, it's been a, you know, I'm so grateful for me that I don't think I could have handled a marriage earlier. I don't think I'd be married. I was just too, had too much to learn. So I just went straight to like, you know, the second husband. Yeah, smart. Yeah, right? Yeah, smart. And so we're, it's just good. You know, I'm just grateful that I had a little bit more life experience. And what's your communication style? Like, how do you guys, you know? It's so genius. How do you, yeah, how does it work? I'll tell you something.

we have a skill that I wish I could teach. You can, you could start a seminar right now. What we do is there's like tension and like somebody will say something that'll annoy me. And then there's this brilliant thing we do. And I think it's brilliant because it's, again, it's comedy and always works where we do this thing where we switch roles, right? But you do a thing like if I said, Peter.

you know, I'll get mad at him because he'll leave his clothes around and he leaves little messes everywhere. And I'm like, why can't you just pick your shit up and put it? Like, why does it have to be in every room? Everywhere he goes, there's mess everywhere. Just a tiny little pile. Just a tiny little pile. And I'm like, do you not- And he's so tall that the piles must be huge. Huge. That's exactly right. And I'm like, why? Do you see how much effort I put into having the house need? I need the mental space for something to be organized. There's so much going on. And so then he'll do, I'll get like mad and we'll have things. He's like, yeah, I just left it in for one second. Whatever it is. And then he'll come in and left the cup and he goes, how many times have I asked you? It's really important that you could just-

And then he'll say exactly what I said. So what it means is he really gets it. Yes. And it works with everything. So you're meaning he parrots back to you what you said. But from his point of view.

It's like wife appropriation. Well, I think it's actually what they do in couples therapy, which is basically like say back. Yes, but he does it as it's his. And the problem now is because I'll do it to him. I go like he'll sometimes I'll say the wrong word. And he's like, I wish you'd be more thoughtful with your words because he always says the right word. And I get I say the gist. Right. I'm a gist person. I'm a gist. And so I go, you know what I mean? And look at all this gesticulating I'm doing. So you can feel me. I get my energy is coming at you. And he's like, just take a second. Think about it. But all in our house, the comedy thing is we just rip on the kids. Same. I mean, I just say don't do that because if you do that, you're a hack and a loser. Is that what you want to be? Is that what you want to be? Totally

To me, that is what intimacy is that. I've said this before, but like, politeness is for strangers and for people that we don't know. By the way, I don't feel safe when I'm polite because then I'm like, what are you really thinking? I promise you, I won't torture you. I won't play games with you. And please, if I go, do you like this? And someone goes, no. I go, great. I want to know if they don't like it. Works exactly the same this way. Yeah. Somebody came to me and said, do you like these shoes? And I went, nope. And it helps with directing, doesn't it? Because you just make really fast decisions. I say, do you like this? When I'm directing, I go, guys, guys.

You suck. And I'll say that. I go, oh, my God, you're so bad. We'll be in the middle of the day. I'll say, you guys are so bad. I don't know what just happened, but I'm embarrassed for you. Let's cut and try that again. But now they know the laugh. But they also know I'm late. Yes. And also, you know what I love about you, Mariska, is I knew that you would. Tell me. I knew you wouldn't do this podcast unless you wanted to. I wanted to so bad. Because I know that you don't really do things you don't want to do. Not anymore. Right. That's kind of like the reward that one gets.

If they're trying to stay true and they're trying to be a good person, one of the rewards, if you're paying attention, is you might get to a point where you really try to stay true to what you want to do. Yeah. And so I get comfort in that, like, you're here because you want to be here, not because someone told you to be here. No, exactly. Okay, but let's get into some real questions. Okay. Okay, so this is rapid fire. Speaking of directness. Okay. Rapid fire. Let's go. Jalen Brunson. Love. People are so jealous of me. I know it. And I like it. The cutest relationship ever. How did that start?

He loves you. I love him. I know you guys love each other. I think it started. New York Knicks, player for the New York Knicks. I mean, it's just the sweetest thing. And it's just like another one of those meant to be. Sometimes I don't even question things. I think Jalen was brought up on SVU. You know what I mean? I think his dad, Rick, every time I say that I laugh, it sounds like I'm name-driving Rick. Rick and I were like this. But Rick loved SVU. He watched it, Jalen. So I think the first time I went, they were like, oh, like, you know, they were in that. And then we connected and it was just.

Easy and effortless. And I'm a huge basketball fan. And I got to meet Jalen also before he was Jalen. You know, he's Jalen now these last, what, three, four years, right? But it predates that. And so it's so beautiful because there was just such a—he's so sweet. He's such a killer and such a captain and such a leader. But he is so, like, soft and mushy and sweet and kind. And he's such a lover of his family. He's so good. And so—

I just feel so honored to be in this orbit. Yeah, it's really, really. I really do. It's crazy. It makes you feel good. Yeah. Okay. I'm sure you've had a million strange things happen to you shooting in the streets of New York. Yeah. Anything that stands out like a moment of pretty wild New York.

Like, you know, only a New York moment. Well, there's, you know, there's the old one we're shooting and then people just come up to us while we're in the seat and start talking and then be like, oh my God, I love your show. And I'm like, well, that's good because we're actually shooting it right now to see that camera. And they're like, oh my God, hi. And then they keep talking. So that I like. Or there's the opposite of that when people have said to me, and Chris, Chris was there, I love this one. I don't really get your show. I don't get you or your show. And I'm like, well, thank you. Thank you for the in-person feedback. It doesn't speak to everyone. Do you think of yourself as a New Yorker now? I do. You do. I do now. Yeah. Okay. What about, who should play you in the movie of your life?

Let's think about this. Oh, God, that's a good one. I mean, it's because it's like, do we want, do we want, I feel like it's going to, I feel like it's like a, There's this really good girl. I can't think of her name. I think it's Cate Blanchett. I think Cate Blanchett plays you in the story of your life. I like it. Now, you are really thinking outside the box here, sister. I want this movie to open, babe. I want this movie. Cate Blanchett. I think it's, well, I'm going to go with Megan Fahey. See how I go. Nice. Megan Fahey is you in your 20s and 30s on ER trying to figure it out. And then we cut to the show and it's Cate Blanchett. Beautiful blue eyes. Go ahead. You're right. Okay. Have you always had such nice hair?

Yes. Yes, I have. Your hair is incredible. Well, my hair was good. Was good. Well, my hair was good. I didn't love, I had some bad years on SVU. We all had bad years on TV. I did some Martha Washington stuff that was not good. We always did. We've all been there. So there was some stuff that I, that was not good. That combined with like bad Botox, I had some bad years. We all have had some, we've all made some choices that we regret. We're cute now. And we have kind of like, oh, we're just tousled and loose. But I had so much fake hair and I don't even want to take it out on the table. It would be horrifying. Did you know that I didn't wear fake hair today? Because I was like, because you were like, Amy's not going to wear it. I know. She goes, do you want to put in a piece? I go, no. Amy's like just real and natural. I'm so real.

want to be like Amy in half. 25 pieces of fake hair. Okay. Next time I come, should I be invited back? I'm going to look like Rapunzel. How badly have people screwed up your name? Oh, I still live with it. Who was it last night? Oh, I had lunch yesterday. I had a brunch yesterday for my sister and my cousin was there. Your own cousin. I've known him since 1994 and he kept calling me Mariska.

And then I said, no, just let it go. And then Chris and my friends, when it happens, because it happens on set a lot, now on the call sheet, it's M-A-R-I-S-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-K-A. That's how I put it on the call sheet, just so people go, oh, okay, got it. She's big on the H's. But he was calling me, I get called Maritza, Marcika, Markiska. But Chris will call me Maritza on set.

Just to confuse people. Marissa and Marissa. You know, I'll tell you who learned it. All of America. And the world. The world learned it, so I got it. It's Mariska Mariska. And what does it mean? What does her name mean? Oh, gorgeous, talented one. Queen of sunshine. Queen of, queen of, queen of something. Queen of straight talk. Yes. One with thick, luxurious hair. That's it. It means, it's a nickname for Maria.

It means little Maria. In Hungarian, the K-A or K-E on the end of a name, it just is like a little embirement. So the name is actually Maria, after my grandmother. Both of them, Hungarian and Italian. See the film, people. That's right, on HBO right now. On HBO right now. Such a good film. It's such a good. But don't you kind of love the both grandmothers? Beautiful. Also Maria. Maria. Maria. You're a Hamilton fan, by the way, because I was about to sing. So hardcore. Me too. Did you say it 27 times? No. I win.

Two seven? Two seven. And by the way, my claim to fame and when people say like, when did you know you were famous? And I go, when I would call Hamilton or just show up at the theater and they'd go, they'd bring a chair and put it in the audience. And I'd be like, what? You earned that. You earned that. I was so like, I've made it. You earned that. I don't even have to have a ticket. You know how much those tickets were? No, they were like, let's get Mariska her chair. Just get her her chair. I was like the old woman. I didn't even mind. You went by yourself. And I'd go in with a cane. That is 27 times. I know. And I just had this great actor on SVU last episode and he's now in the show. And so he was like, oh.

And I go, oh, I'll be there. So it's even a thing where the new cast members want me to come see it. Have you ever done Broadway? Broadway? Yes. That's how you're supposed to say it. Well, thank you. Broadway. That's how you used to say it. No, I want to do Broadway. Broadway. I want to be in an all-woman Hamilton. Fuck. Right? You and me with straight talk? Wait a minute. We would be Aaron Burr and Hamilton. Well, who's who? Let's go slow. Slow it all down right now. Who's who? Aaron Burr. I think you might.

I think I might be Aaron Burr. That's what I was going to say. You swear? Yes, and not just because I want to be Hamilton. I want you to be Hamilton. I think you're Aaron Burr. And I feel like I could get the rage. I think you have a gravitas that Aaron Burr needs. And I think I have like a...

I know all the lines, though. Do you? An energy. I don't know all the lines. Maybe you should do both. But you just do that, and then you lip sync to me. But the only problem is one thing. I can't sing. You can't sing. No, but maybe we do it like a top speed. Well, God is there. You can't sing. One thing you can't do, babe. We can't sing. One thing. You can't sing. Oh, that's funny. Ask me more questions. Okay, okay. Okay, what's making you laugh these days? I always ask my guests, what do you listen to, do, read?

Like, you know, to lighten up, to laugh. Nate Vargotzi. Oh, love Nate. He's my fave. He's so funny. I don't even understand what he's doing. Okay, let's break him down because I love him. Well, he's like mastered this kind of slow guy that's a genius. Right? That's the shtick, right? He's kind of slow and dumb, but he's smarter than everyone. Yes. I love him so much. And can I tell you why also I love him? I was in L.A.

I didn't know who he was. And I was with my friend. And she said, I think that's Nate Bargatze. And I said, who's Nate Bargatze? And he goes, that's August's favorite comedian. So I went up to him and I go, are you Nate Bargatze? Hoping I'm saying it right. He was like, we're shooting right now.

And he goes, yeah, I am. And I go, well, I, my son loves you. Can we call him? No, I swear to God. No, I swear to you. I swear to you, I did. And you know why I did it? Because do you know how many people do that to me? And I thought that I had good karma. I had good call karma. And you know what he said? Yeah. And so we called him. And I'm like, August. He forgot me. And he's like, hey, man. I love him. Love him. He's so funny. Do you watch a lot of stand-up? Do you like to go to see stand-up? I love good, I love good comedy. It's my happy, that is my happy place. August, that's what we love. But I'm also critical. Yeah. So not funny.

And I don't know who I am to judge. You can judge as much as you want. I feel like comedy is like music. Yeah, that's true. You just like who you like. You like their song, whatever it is. I love it. And I love Nate. You know what I'm listening to late at night before I go to bed? I don't know why I love it so much. It's that Jim Carrey bit doing Vanilla Ice. Hold on. Okay, it's an In Living Color sketch. This is it. And he's dancing? Watch, just listen. Wait, he really looks like him. He kicks his shoe off. Just watch.

Is that not the best thing? This was so fun. I know, but can you imagine how excited? Because I said I used to see you around. Well, we are. I don't see you anymore. And I remember. I remember.

What do you remember? Just that you're good and sparkly and beautiful and kind and you bring joy. Thanks, Mariska. And Chris doesn't like anyone. Yeah. He really is a very judicious guy and he loves his family. He loves his kids and he has like three friends. He likes me. Yeah. And that's pretty much it. And I just remembered like he just loved you. Oh, that's nice. That's very nice to say. I was so funny that I called him today. Okay, Mariska, you're the best. This was so fun. I told you. She's like, are you ready? I was like, sweetheart, I'm born ready.

Thank you so much, Mariska. That was so fun. That was such a good hang. And you know, in this Polar Plunge, I just want to take a second to say, let's picture a world in which Cate Blanchett plays Mariska Hargitay in a movie of her life story, because I would watch it. And if there's any producers or financiers listening who want to partner up with me on that, and Cate, if someone can get this message to Cate, I think that that would be a great project. And I've been asked before, if your life was a movie, who would you want to play you? And my answer is very simple, and that is Meryl Streep.

I want the best and I can't guarantee the movie will be good or interesting in any way. Honestly, it'll probably be a flop, but Meryl at the helm, it's going to be a good performance. So Meryl, Kate and Meryl, I'm assuming you're together. Please, please call us at 1-800-GOOD-HANG-THE-MOVIE, hashtag Marisha Gargatay's movie, hashtag slash life, life rights. And we'll get this going. Okay, sorry. I've lost, I've lost the plot. Okay, bye. Thanks for listening. Bye.

You've been listening to Good Hang. The executive producers for this show are Bill Simmons, Jenna Weiss-Berman, and me, Amy Poehler. The show is produced by The Ringer and Paper Kite. For The Ringer, production by Jack Wilson, Kat Spillane, Kaya McMullin, and Alea Zanaris. For Paper Kite, production by Sam Green, Joel Lovell, and Jenna Weiss-Berman. Original music by Amy Miles.