Marriage Humility: When Your Intensity Becomes Your Marriage's Biggest Problem | Dr. Malamakis

Find this episode on YouTube: Dr. Philip Mamalakis says you'd take a bullet for your wife. But would you fix the light in the freezer she's been asking about for six weeks?That gap — between the heroic love we imagine and the ordinary love we're actually called to — is exactly what this conversation is about.Dr. Philip Mamalakis teaches the core courses in Pastoral Care at Hellenic College Holy Cross Greek Orthodox School of Theology, alongside electives in pastoral counseling, grief, marriage and family, and pastoral care and mental health. He has published widely on Orthodox marriage and marital counseling, and is the author of Parenting Toward the Kingdom (Ancient Faith Publishing, 2016) — the best-selling Orthodox parenting book — and the father of seven.He joined John Heers on Heavy Things Lightly for one of the most grounded, honest, and quietly radical conversations about love, marriage, and faith you'll hear anywhere.In this episode:- Why Dr. Mamalakis teaches seminary students the sacrament of listening — and why their wives notice the difference by the end of the semester- The danger of coming into Orthodoxy with the wrong kind of intensity and how the Church actually heals that- What happens when you bow down at your wife's feet mid-argument (and why John's Nigerian friends did not approve)- The difference between solving problems and walking with people — and why most priests are trained to do the wrong one- Why "responsive" is a better word than "love" — and what that means in marriage, parenting, and pastoral care- How modern psychology and ancient Orthodox anthropology actually complement each other (instead of conflicting)Dr. Mamalakis's upcoming parenting book: what to do in the heat of the moment, for every parent who says "don't tell me principles, tell me what to actually say""Curiosity is the opposite of narcissism. To be curious about your wife, your kids, the person in front of you — that requires getting out of your own head. That is the spiritual life."— Dr. Philip MamalakisDr. Philip Mamalakis teaches Pastoral Care at Hellenic College Holy Cross Greek Orthodox School of Theology, where he has published on Orthodox marriage, marital counseling, grief, and pastoral care and mental health. He and his wife Georgia have seven children and several grandchildren.John Heers is the founder of First Things Foundation and the host of Heavy Things Lightly, where ancient wisdom meets the confusion of modern life.Chapters:00:00 Ask Their Story00:31 Meet Philip Mamalakis01:09 Jerky Sponsor Break02:04 Neon Backdrop Tales04:35 Teaching Inside Institutions08:42 Teaching Other Faiths12:52 Internet Teachers Debate17:43 Knowing Beyond Facts24:07 Online Conflict and Fear32:16 Beauty That Converts34:50 Pastoral Authority Model37:41 Sacrament of Listening42:40 Marriage Humility Stories46:10 Marriage Changes Hearts47:18 Prayer With Guidance49:33 Psychology And Orthodoxy53:13 Brain Soul And Nous59:53 Sacred Mundane Marriage01:05:23 Attend In Liturgy01:08:12 Elders And Parish Stories01:09:41 New Books And Parenting01:12:04 Orthodoxy Without Creepiness01:17:04 Friendship Wrap Up01:21:55 Online Influencers Question01:24:04 Final Reflections And Support__🏷️ Sponsored by Conrad's Beef Jerky — loyalty not guaranteed.Conrad's Deli - The best jerky you'll ever have ➜ https://conradsdeli.com/ ⭐ Use promo code "FIRST THINGS" for 10% off.🔥 Support First Things Foundation field workers like Sarah (featured in this episode): https://first-things.org✈ Become a Field Worker with FTF: https://first-things.org/opportunities📢 First Things Telegram: https://t.me/firstthingsfoundation🍷The best dinner party you've ever experienced - Supra Dinner Society: https://supradinner.com/🥂 Keipi Restaurant: https://keipirestaurant.org✒ Substack: https://johnheersftf.substack.com/ⓧ https://x.com/johnfromftf🏖️ Tailormade tours that give back: https://www.gratitude-travels.com/hom__Credits Music: Intro / Outro Provided by Greg Gilbertson & Band This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit johnheersftf.substack.com/subscribe