Amen, and please be seated. And if you have a Bible, let me invite you to turn with me to Matthew chapter 19. Matthew 19. This morning we come to the teaching of Jesus on divorce.
And as our culture celebrates Mother's Day, you may ask, why today? Fair enough. Well, first, because in God's providence, it is the next passage in our study of the gospel according to Matthew. And we ordinarily don't skip passages, even ones we don't like or might find difficult or at first blush might think, well, that's not right for today.
But the second reason is this, there are in fact tremendous encouragement before us today as we study God's Word. For today, we hear of God's love and care for women and for wives and mothers, even his special care for them in the difficult relationships they may find themselves in and in the hard and painful, perhaps even dangerous circumstances. They may encounter. And so then let me invite you to consider God's holy word from Matthew chapter 3 verses 3-9.
This is the Word of God. The Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause? He answered, have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female and said, therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh? So they are no longer two but one flesh.
What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate? They said to him, why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce? And to send her away? He said to them, because of your hardness of heart, Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.
And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and marries another commits adultery. This is the Word of God. May he cut our hearts with it. Let's pray together.
Oh, father of mercy. We have to criticize to see in ears to hear hearts to believe in Jesus Christ, our Lord, and the lover of our soul in his name. Amen. Well, last two weeks we've read this passage, but we've considered Jesus quotes of Genesis one and two, first on being either male or female and then secondly last week on marriage.
And that's because, well, the first part of his answer to the question in verse three, where they ask him, is it lawful to divorce one's wife or any cause? Well is to begin with the creators intentions from the beginning. It is before sin entered the world and with sin misery entered the world, even in those conflicts we find ourselves enduring and suffering in our families. And last week we noted briefly as we think about divorce today, we should remember what he says about marriage.
We saw that marriage is a binding mutual covenantal relationship between one man and one woman at one time intended to last for as long as both shall live. It's also a public and social relationship. It's not some kind of private secret hidden thing. And it's for the mutual help and the mutual companionship of both husband and wife.
And we said it is a sexual relationship as being one flesh means that even as it means more than that. And then also we noted that marriage is to be modeled after and then to reflect the marriage of Christ and the church, his bride. That's why God created marriage between a man and a woman, one man and one woman because God plans for his son from all eternity to redeem and love and take to himself a bride and marriage pictures that union and we get to pattern life for those who are married after that marriage. And so marriage is God's idea and in fact it is God who makes the marriage we saw, not mankind.
It's he who joins them together as we read Jesus say so that the two become one. So we said last week we should never then be hasty about seeking reasons for divorce. Yet there are justifiable reasons for divorce according to scripture to adultery and desertion. We'll consider both even as we consider divorce and remarriage here from Jesus teaching.
So in the first place let me invite you to consider adultery, divorce and remarriage beginning at verse seven. The Pharisees responded to Jesus teaching on creation what God intended from the beginning with verse seven. They asked him well why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away. And Jesus responds and says well first let me tell why Moses allowed divorce and then he speaks and follows up and expands on remarriage and gives what's often called an exception clause regarding remarriage in the issue of adultery.
So notice in the first place Moses allowed divorce. Where do they find that? What is he referencing? Why did they bring it up?
Deuteronomy chapter 24 verses 1 through 4. You may want to turn there or just listen as I read it. I want us to hear where this is coming from. Deuteronomy 24 verses 1 to 4 when a man takes a wife and marries her if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found something decency in her and if he writes her certificate of divorce and he puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house and she departs out of his house and if she goes and becomes another man's wife and the latter hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house or if the latter man dies who took her to be his wife.
Then verse 4 her former husband who sent her away may not take her again to be his wife after she has been defiled for that is an abomination before the Lord and you shall not bring sin upon the land that the Lord your God is giving you for inheritance. Now there's a lot there. Let me just invite you to keep reading for just one more verse which is also about marriage and it's a wonderful example of God's care for newly married couples even as the first four verses are about God's care for married couples. Verse 5 when a man is newly married he shall not go out with the army or be liable for any other public duty.
He shall be free at home one year to be happy with his wife whom he has taken. Now I always raised this I try to with couples who are on the cusp of getting married as I do premarital counseling because isn't that a great verse? I mean just verse 5 is just fantastic. You just got married God says and I want you to spend lots of quantity time together because quantity time is quality time and so I don't want you to do what?
I don't want you to go out with the army. You stay home. Don't put yourself in harm's way. Don't bring those fears to your new bride.
Not the first year. And also don't take on any other public duty. I mean don't add extra civil or political responsibilities to your work schedule that might demand well your evenings or your weekends. I mean someday there might be time for all sorts of other things in your life but the first year of marriage is so vital you God says you hang around at home together with your bride.
Don't add a bunch of stuff on top of life. Why? To be happy with your wife whom you have taken. That is to share joy with her together.
Share gladness with her together. It's certainly mutual and certainly we know that if your wife isn't happy then well you won't be and if mama ain't happy nobody happy. God wants you here that you see that. He wants the husband and the wife to have joy and gladness.
His law then isn't given to oppress them and it isn't given to coerce them into something designed to make them miserable. His law is for their well being because God isn't an ogre. He's a lover. He wants and he designed marriage for the mutual happiness of husband and wife but now notice verses one to four which the Pharisees spoke of Moses giving.
The Pharisees spoke about Moses giving it not because they understood this to be some sort of man-made law that had nothing to do with God but rather than using it as an expression of kind of shorthand to point to that part of the Old Testament that came through Moses as opposed to some other prophet. I mean it is God's word. Don't read it any other way. This is simply the human agency through who God gave this word and what scripture means when it says it is breathed out by God and God's word.
Well it means that Moses' word here is God's word. Now notice that first part of verse one, this is Deuteronomy 24 when a man takes a life and marries her. If then she finds no favor in his eyes because he's found some indecency in her. Now he's going to go on and say well then because of that divorce is a possibility.
He could divorce her from some indecency. What kind of indecency here? Well it's fairly unspecified. There were two major views of divorce in Jesus' day.
One was taught by Rabbi Hillel and then his followers and the other by Rabbi Shammai and his followers. Shammai said well indecency there is some kind of gross indecency like that of adultery or other sexual immorality. It was a very strict view. And Hillel was extremely permissive.
He extended the meaning of indecency to almost anything. I mean if a wife burned her husband's toast or put too much salt on the food he could divorce her. One of Hillel's followers said that if he met a woman who was prettier than his wife, he could just divorce his wife and marry another woman. Hillel's view in Jesus' day was the dominant view in that day.
As that view we have to say in the United States by law predominates today through what we call no fault divorce. That doesn't really speak of the reality does it? For whenever there's been a divorce there's been human sin in some way and misery. Then notice in the second half of verses of this he is to write her, he finds some of the distance in decency.
He's a writer of a certificate of divorce and put it in her hand and send her out of his house and she departs the house. And then what's this about? The certificate of divorce, a written statement of divorce. What's the purpose of that?
It's to protect her. What do I mean? Well when she departs her first husband's house because he's getting rid of her, it is to be made publicly legally clear to the whole society that she is no longer married so that she is free to remarry so that she can have a future legitimate marriage. Because for many women, especially in poorer or ancient society, but in ours too, life is very difficult not only because of the relational pain of a broken marriage but because of the economic strain which often falls disproportionately upon a woman.
Her options for legitimate work were much more limited and her ability to provide for herself was much more difficult and therefore remarrying was often not only desirable for relational and sexual reasons but also for financial reasons. So to protect her and her future prospects, a written certificate had to be placed in her hands. But what happens if she remarries and Jesus envisions the question, and then in Moses the next husband hates her and divorces her. Well verse 3 is waiting for us if the ladder man hates her and writes her certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house.
If the ladder man dies who took her to be his wife, well what happens? Well the first husband can't have her back. Verse 4, then her former husband who sent her away may not take her again as his wife. The logic of that is again her protection.
I mean think of it, she is not to be toyed with. She is not to be treated like an object that men can pass back and forth between them. She's not to be caught up in some kind of wicked wife swapping game some cruel men might seek to play. She's not to be treated like some kind of property that a man could loan out for a little while and then take back at his whim.
She's not to be defiled, not to be sullied, not to have her reputation ruined by that cruelty. It would be an abomination to the Lord for a man to treat a woman that way. Such evil against her must not be done. For she is to be loved and held close and cherished and nourished as a man loves his own body.
For they are one. So if something arises such that a man divorces her and if she remarries and then divorces, the first husband can't take her back. Now notice that if the first husband divorces her and she does not remarry and if he hasn't remarried, then they can remarry. Moses doesn't forbid that.
Like the kind of situation where you might have two who have separated for a season but haven't been joined in a one-flesh union with anybody else, that separation may be shorter or it may be long but the union remains unless one of them remarries and so they're free to marry one another again. Notice here also that Moses isn't actually commanding divorce. That's the way the Pharisees put it. Why does he command it?
No, no, no. Their question has it wrong. They think Moses commanded divorce but Jesus says Moses allowed it or permitted it. That is it's a concession not a command.
That is God's word is regulating a situation that has become sinful and hurtful but God isn't commanding the situation. He's actually giving rules about how to make, how to keep a bad situation from being worse. How to protect a vulnerable woman in a tough situation. And so back now in Matthew chapter 19 at verse 8, Jesus said to them, I mean why did Moses allow this?
Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives but from the beginning it was not so. What's he saying? Jesus recognizes how messed up a marriage can get and how the human heart might become hard and how a man might let resentments grow in his heart and be unwilling to forgive and how a man might nurture the poison of resentment and bitterness and his heart might become unwilling to live with his wife. And all this can go the other way of course.
But here in this case it may be she's provoked him in some way. It may be she hasn't actually provoked him at all. He just has a bad heart. And these things of course are really hard to sort out.
But what position is a wife in? If she's living in a house with a man who's heart is hard against her with a man who doesn't want her and doesn't want her to be his wife any longer. She might be in a terribly vulnerable and in some cases dangerous position. Because domestic abuse is a reality in this fallen world.
And sadly it is not an uncommon experience. And God makes provision for her protection. She can leave and not be subject to abuse or neglect. And that brings us then to this exception clause concerning remarriage and adultery.
Can a man or a woman remarry another if they divorce their first spouse for some offense or would the second marriage always be considered adulterous? What does Jesus say? Notice verse 9. And I say to you whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and marries another commits adultery.
Now let's note first of all that Jesus gives one exception here. The only exception he mentions here is sexual immorality. And let me say that this is not the only exception of the Bible. I'm going to point you to a second one desertion in 1 Corinthians 7 just a bit.
But I want you to see something here about this. One of the ways that you know that this is not the only exception in the Bible is at least to begin by noting that in the other gospels where Jesus addresses this issue the other writers don't actually tell us that Jesus gave an exception at all. That is in Matthew chapter 10 verse 11 Jesus gives no exception clause. Verse 11 Matthew chapter 10 whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her.
And if she divorces her husband and marries another she commits adultery. That's all that said. If that's all that you read what might you pick up? Well you certainly would pick up that Jesus clearly anticipates the possibility that it is either spouse who might divorce the other.
But if you only read Matthew you might think that only a husband could divorce his wife because that's how it's pitched. And if she commits adultery but a wife couldn't divorce her husband if he commits adultery that's not how it's pitched in Matthew. And you'd be wrong about that. Jesus acknowledges the adultery and the subsequent divorce happening in either direction in Mark chapter 10.
Then you get to Luke chapter 16 and there again is no exception made. Verse 8 everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery. And he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery. Now if you only read Mark and Luke and not Matthew you might hear Jesus and think there is no exception anywhere whatsoever.
That remarriage is always a case of an act of adultery. And my point is this Matthew fills out what Mark and Luke have not shared. Not every gospel writer tells you everything Jesus has said. And that teaches us we must compare scripture with scripture and take different passages together on themes like this.
So if there's another passage that adds to our understanding and perhaps gives us even a second extension we should incorporate that into our understanding of what is permissible, not required but permissible for a legitimate divorce. We're going to see that exception as I said in 1 Corinthians 7. But let's go back to Matthew 19 for a moment because we're not done with what Jesus says. What is the exception specifically?
Middle verse 9 except for sexual morality. That is if a wife has been sexually unfaithful to her husband he made a divorce her and he's free to remarry or likewise in the opposite direction. But why is that an allowable exception? Well because sexual morality is so serious on the one hand and on the other it's so serious because it strikes at the very nature of the one flesh union of husband and wife.
I mean when a man is one flesh union with his wife and then should he go off and join himself to another woman sexually he has in a manner of speaking said to his wife I no longer want to be one flesh with you he is in a manner of speaking divorcing his wife. Now that may not be the case legally or publicly that may not even be his intention he just has a wicked heart and he wants to keep the wife and a mistress or whatever. But with their body they have in a way said privately and your body matters and what you do with it matters. And it's possible then for a husband or wife to forgive their spouse we have to say that who has straight and for the spouse who has straight to repent and for the two to be reconciled and move forward together as husband and wife.
In other words it's not the case that having committed adultery he can't go back to his spouse or she welcome him back. It was in the case of divorce and then remarriage with someone else and then divorce and then trying to come back. So it is the case that the two could be reconciled that there'd be repentance there'd be forgiveness there would be rebuilt trust which would take time to rebuild of course but in many situations the gospel of God's grace can bring about that true reconciliation and it can bring about repentance and forgiveness and restoration. So Jesus is saying that remaining married is not a necessary obligation but he's not saying divorce is a necessary obligation.
A spouse is free to divorce and remarriage their spouse was sexually and faithful that's the exception clause. Now then you ask the question because don't we? Well when he says sexual unfaithfulness I mean what does he mean? Does he mean only a consummated act of intercourse?
And what about sexual activities that happen between people that don't rise to that level so to speak? We should note here that Jesus uses the word Pornea which refers more broadly the various kinds of sexual immorality not exclusively the marital consummation act. It's the word that is the root of the word that in English we have for pornography. And porn is a terrible problem and a corrupting evil so prevalent in our day for which we must repent.
And virtual reality is only going to magnify the corrupting influence of it in years ahead and lead to greater selfishness, greater self-love, greater social isolation and greater loneliness among many other things. And so I exhort you if you are caught up in porn and feel trapped by it that would not be an unusual experience in the day that we live. I would just say would you come talk to me or some other trusted person who can give you help by the resources of the gospel to learn to kill sin and say no to self, die to sin by the fruit of the spirit, be changed. There are resources in the gospel to that end.
So here Jesus uses this word and he doesn't mean like exclusively porn of course. What he did is he used a term that just broadly means all kinds and manners of various sexual immoralities. And I have to be careful here then to say because there are wisdom issues involved in this concerning what kind of sinful activity rises to the level of kind where divorce is permissible. And I said we can't walk you through all those scenarios now.
I mean there just isn't nearly the time this wouldn't be the place but the Bible is clear that the expression of our sexuality is to be righteously expressed in marriage with our spouse and is not to include a third party. And if that does happen Jesus says well then divorce is permissible and remarriage to another is not adultery. And so then we ask is there anything besides sexual immorality that could happen in a marriage that would be justifiable grounds to dissolve the marriage and so free the offended party to remarry without committing adultery themselves. And the answer to that is let me invite you to 1 Corinthians chapter 7 and the subject of desertion divorce and remarriage.
Now as you're turning there perhaps or just listen in but let me just say that again the issues are complicated that we've been dealing even for the last few weeks. There are helpful resources available including some PCA denominational study reports on marriage, divorce and remarriage, another on domestic abuse and sexual assault or on human sexuality with sections in it on marriage, on sexuality, on identity as male or female and the issue of gender dysphoria as well as issues touching transgenderism and other issues. So look see me about those but if you search PCA report and the topic it'll probably be near the top of your Google search. Now let's look at 1 Corinthians chapter 7 beginning at verse 10, To the married I give this charge not I but the Lord, the wife should not separate from her husband.
But if she does she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband and the husband should not divorce his wife. To the rest I say I not the Lord, Paul just means that Jesus had clearly taught that first part and now Jesus is teaching the second part through the Apostle Paul that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever and she consents to live with him he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever and he consents to live with her she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband and otherwise your children would be unclean but as it is they are holy.
But if the unbelieving partner separates let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved God has called you to peace. For how do you know wife whether you will save your husband or how do you know husband whether you will save your wife? Now there's lots there.
Notice briefly in verses 10 and 11 that he says separation might occur between spouses but without divorce and that's possible and that the separated should not marry others because reconciliation is possible. In verses 12 to 13 a Christian married to a non-Christian should not divorce them because of that fact. I mean if the non-Christian is willing to remain married to you as a Christian stay married to them. You don't dissolve the relationship on account of one of you being a believer.
And then in verse 14 one reason to stay married is because in that one flesh union with a believer that non-Christian though not spiritually saved by it you got to get saved by Jesus not by being married to a Christian yet that non-Christian he says is made holy as are the children of even one believer. Now what does he mean? Well he doesn't mean that you're saved he means that you are federally holy or representatively holy or that is in the language of the Old Testament you're not unclean but clean and that is an Old Testament category not for being sinless he isn't claiming that a non-Christian spouse of a Christian is sinless in no way shape or form. But he is saying that they are not unclean and therefore should stay removed from the community of faith until they get made clean.
As an example lepers in the Old Testament were unclean they it doesn't mean they were sinful but it did mean that they were unclean and they should come to the temple or socialize in the community of faith until the lepers he had been dealt with. What Paul then is saying to you as a Christian is and us as Christians is if we have a brother or sister in Christ married to an unbeliever don't treat them like a leper invite them in welcome them in be friend of them love them care for them pray for them seek to bring the gospel to them without bruising the fruit by doing it so fast you end up kicking them in the face but they belong with their believing spouse in the community of faith it doesn't mean they're saved and that's why even the child of one believer ought to come ought to be here ought to be shepherded by the elders ought to be cared diacodically by the deacons because they belong and then we learn in verse 15 what to do with the non-Christian spouse which is to leave the marriage simply because they don't want to be married to a Christian Paul says then so they want to desert they want they want out Paul says the brother or sister is in Christ is not enslaved they're not bound to the marriage that is they're free to let them leave free to divorce and not bound in such a way that they're not free to marry but they are free to marry as if frankly their first spouse was dead and and verse 15 forgot is called you to peace if they're determined to leave if they're determined to desert that's a second clause exception clause like the adultery clause that desertion like adultery strikes at the heart of the marriage because the one's spouse is saying I will not continue to be your spouse I don't want you to be my spouse what about other situations you want to ask perhaps are there no other situations at all except adultery and desertion and I would just simply point you to our denominational study on the issue that we caution strongly against piling up reasons why divorce might be justifiable in any situation but we have concluded and I agree with our report that that we can call certain circumstances extreme circumstances in which there might be a spouse functionally deserting the marriage without actually deserting the home perhaps through physical or sexual abuse for instance or even certain kinds of mental and emotional abuse threats of murder for instance things which are complicated no doubt in figuring out what's really going on but that might put the spouse at great risk for terrible evil and harm being done to them and the spouse that's doing it hasn't left but they're actually driving the other to desert but these things are complicated they need to be talked about and talked through our elders would do so with you to give you counsel I'd be glad if these are issues in your marriage to meet with you talk and counsel and read the scripture and pray and seek wisdom so well how do we how do we conclude let me close with this amidst discussions of humans in that hurt so painfully when Jesus met a woman at a well she'd already been through five husbands and the man that she was now living with she wasn't even married to and she was evidently seeking the satisfaction and happiness and security that only God can give but in the arms of one man after another and Jesus loved her and Jesus forgave her and Jesus became to her the water of life and he could do that for you whoever you are in whatever mess you are in let's pray Jesus be life to us healing the coldness health a river of water of life forgive us we pray Lord where we've stepped outside of marriage gone astray in various ways have not loved our spouse the way that we ought and not one of us has not thoroughly and completely forgive us all I pray that you would restore the years the locus of eaten you bind up the broken hearted that you would be gracious to the humble and that you would teach our hearts to be tender hearted kind forgiving as God in Christ forgave us in Jesus name I pray amen amen let's stand together and sing