Put down that smartphone and listen to me. I'm Matthew Milligan, professional musician and lifelong weird-out fan. Each week, I'm joined by professional podcaster and close-person friend Matt Kelly to take a dive off the deep end into the fast career of pop culture icon beard Al Yankovic on our show, Weird Algorithm. Along with some very special guests from the world's music and comedy, we tackle every song, every television appearance, and every bit of sketch comedy Al has produced in chronological order.
Covering the good old days, Mivelona and Edith, the fun zone of Tacky and White and Nerdy, and everything in between. As we go, we're ranking the songs, albums, and music videos in the hopes of creating the ultimate guide to a career bigger than the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota. So the next time you're having one of those days, fucking a traffic jam, wondering why does this always happen to me? Just kick off your sneakers and stick around for a while because we've got it all on Weird Algorithm, available wherever you get your podcasts.
And now you know. Was that enough references? I knew that Vinegar Syndrome was going to be doing the Tami and the T-Rex gore version, the gore cut release because you told me about it last year. And I thought that there was some day before Black Friday when they had a VIP special or something where you could get it earlier than when I got my copy.
And so I missed it by day, but I was like, fuck. And so I was on Vinegar Syndrome looking through their amazing list of stuff and getting ideas for the show. So 2020 is going to be the year of Vinegar Syndrome on Horn, maybe night. Sorry.
And you're welcome. But Monselion was on there and I'm like, oh, I've been meaning to watch that for such a long time. And I saw that it was actually on Prime. And I thought, well, it's on Prime, so we can watch it for free.
Why not? So I watched it back in, I don't know, something like October or November for the first time. And I got about 20 minutes in and I knew that this was perfect for us. And then I messaged you guys and I say something along the lines of guys, we have to watch this movie because they're hungry demon titties.
And so the best part also is the most shameful part of me rewatching this for this episode was because I didn't take notes the first time. So the shameful part was Prime asking me if I wanted to watch Monselion again. It's like, we know what you do. So two additions to that story.
One, fun fact, this past year I had to go on through every one of our episodes and I added a buy at link so that if you want to buy a copy of the movie that we're talking about, you have a link to do so. I do that at work and Vinegar Syndrome is currently blocked at my work for pornographic materials. It's the only company that we review movies for where that's a situation. But it's just because they have that like softcore erotica from the 70s, I think it only has some stuff from the 60s too.
But it's like that's some puppet porn in there too. They got some puppets come. The only porn that I own actually. That's not true.
It is. That's not the only one. I still don't buy it. Yeah.
Yeah. Oh, no, those casting couch videos. Those are just rented. I swear you had a pair.
And that was Jaws. This isn't Jaws Triple X because I needed to know how they turned Jaws into a sexy port. But the other thing was that I was I watched this yesterday and I was supposed to hang out with a friend and they asked me when are you able to hang out? I was like I got to finish watching this movie for the podcast.
They asked what movie and they said I'm reading some reviews from Mazaliam. Here's my favorite quote so far. I thought that Bobby Breezy evil spawn did a great performance. All you see is her full name.
I definitely like that. Oh, man. Do we want to jump into some bios for the two main characters here? Yeah, go for it.
Oh, man. I actually copied and pasted these from IMDb because they are known. I can't remember these on IMDb or Wikipedia, but. Oh, man, let's start with Bobby Breezy, which is such a stupid name.
Books of a beautiful blonde actress. Bobby Breezy had a sadly short lived rain as a screen queen in a handful of enjoyably trashy 80s low budget horror pictures. Bobby was born in 1947 also the year that my mom was born. So that kind of makes us odd and awkward in San Diego, California.
She was a music teacher and one time playboy bunny prior to embarking on an acting career. Brezy gave a solid and impressive performance as a sweet and lovely young lady who became possessed by an evil sexually voracious demon in the fun fright feature. Mausoleum in the parentheses. Bobby was nominated for a son Saturday word as best actress for her fine acting in this film.
I was hoping you're going to say in parentheses, it says citation. There are citations on IMDb bios. Brezy was quite funny as Smeg's mom in the crudely amusing surf nasties must die and had a memorably sexy bit as a luscious, but lethal temptress in the crummy goolies. Bobby tackled a semi autobiographical starring role as a faded aging B movie starlet who transforms into a murderous human boy and insect monster after taking an experimental youthful serum in the delightfully dreadful evil spawn.
She also popped up and guest spots on the TV shows Charlie's Angels, PJ in the bear, the love boat, Simon and Simon and the fall guy. She had a recurring part on the popular daytime soap opera Santa Barbara. In real life, Bobby Brezy is an extremely charming and well-educated woman who plays the piano. I really appreciate that every one of these movies has like these big long describers in front of them like in the buffo.
But then I guess the goal is just like in the crummy goolies. Yeah, that person they were so fucking funny writing that shit and I'm laughing at how dumb they are. But it gets better. I got a two paragraph one for the husband.
Oh, Jesus. His name is Marjo Gortner. And it's fucking wild. This is why you have to have to let me read the whole thing.
And I'm so sorry. In his early career as a four-year-old, world's youngest ordained minister, Hugh Marjo Ross Gortner became a miracle child extraordinaire, reaching gospel from memory and performing faith healings. He drew a capacity crowd as he barns stormed throughout the Bible Belt. Marjo, the name, a combination of Mary and Joseph eventually became disillusioned with what he considered a huge deception and withdrew from the scene entirely during his teen years.
But his God given talents for drawing an audience in public speaking work. He puts a good use later on. So I'm just going to fast forward a little bit. He did a documentary called Marjo in 1972 based on his life as a fake evangelist.
And then he did a bunch of bullshit like the extremely positive views helped him catapult him into films. Unfortunately, most of them promising as they must have been. Earthquake, the food of the gods, Viva Kniebel, and when you come back, writer, we're on to become when I become dismal failures and his quest for start on never materialized. I fucking wonder why he stumbled through more films in the 80s.
But even he with his charismatic powers couldn't save himself from coming off badly on such drivel as Mazaliam and Hellhole. Hellhole's on my list too. And his career sank into oblivion, though his work as an actor has grown faint with time. Marjo will at the very least be remembered as the man who blew the whistle on evangelism.
Who knows? Knowing Marjo, there is still some time for a second coming. I'm hoping that the next line is like Marjo died and he's probably making money off of Trump. So there you go.
All right, we're looking into this. And here's the big thing. Before we dive into this movie, there was a text chat between the three of us. I don't think any of us know what the fuck is happening in most of this movie.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. This is the least expository film I think I've seen in a really long time. Is this one that Kyle said that he watched it when he was sick and he was like, oh, what's happening?
Yeah, well, he fell asleep for the first half and then woke up during the second half. And he was like, I can't speak at the first half. The second half seemed like it was perfect for hard. And like most of my notes are just confusion.
Like the first note that I've written down is I'm confused by this car explosion. What is happening in this movie? That's your first your first. It was all the way at the for that car explosion.
Yeah, like 15, 20 minutes into the movie. He's like trying to wrap my head around what was going on. Like, it's not even try. I thought that this was a I had no clue this was a possession movie.
I didn't know what I thought this movie was, but it wasn't what we watched, but I had fun. But my God, like, yeah, I mean, I think that the whole point of it is that it's trying to be the exorcist and like full chi, but it's just shitty. You know, it's not a good film. And I didn't pick it because it's some sort of landmark of cinema.
Yes, sure. I want to talk about I know we're going to be jumping ahead here, but I mean, there's really no linear plot to follow with. Yeah, shit. Let's talk about the landscaper.
Oh, man, did you write down notes? We're done a couple of minutes. So like there's a couple of things that are weird here. First of all, is just the whole seduction scene.
And then like the house starts reacting to the fact that Susan is clearly possessed with her glowing green eyes. But what I love is he's like, is he have anything OK? And she's like, yeah, just get to work. And then it's like a minute and a half of just this random montage.
Yeah, yeah. He is hilarious because this is his montage. He sloppily eats a sandwich and he's sitting on a rope swing, by the way. He takes a nap on the dock and then he sharpens his axe.
He doesn't do any real work. It's so it's so weird. And like the music, like it's not even like, you know, you've got like an 80s track behind it. So it seems like it is the soundtrack is mixed solo.
So you hear every single sound of him like, yeah, yeah, like moment on the sandwich or like as he's trying to like cut things with his and it's just like, what is this? Like, I was just like so thrown off by everything that was happening in this fucking movie. And it's great. And then they fuck.
And like it's just like he finishes his work. They have sex and then she doesn't really shitty like right across the face. Yeah. Oh, man, that's so funny when he's like, I have I've had many women, the some of them have been pros.
You you do better. Come on now. Let's go again. And I'm like, you fat fuck.
There's no way that you could get it up a second time. Yeah. He just rolled over and tried to let her. Yeah, he's like, come, let's get back to it.
And I'm like, OK, well, no wonder you got stamina. You just lay there and grunt. Wow, now I know what boy in sex life is like. I love your I love your impression of it.
Yeah, because it's like kind of like Russian almost like, please come. No, I don't think that any creepy Russian dude is going to ask woman to come. He's not going to care anything about her pleasure. You come.
It was a rhetorical question. Oh, man, let's cut all that out. He goes, are you sleeping? And she goes, I never sleep.
I'm like, I don't know if you see this creepy. He's not even phased by it. Not at all. She had so many her possessed lines.
She has a lie, but she's just like, God can't help you now. I don't know why, but I oh, oh, it's because, you know, when she's she's possessed and she tells the the gardener that she's like, let's go to the workshop, shed or whatever and bang. He like grabs her ass and they're walking off screen. And I have a note that says Bobby Bresi skipped, skipped leg day because her legs look like fucking toothpicks.
I feel like if you wanted someone to understand the confusing nature of this entire movie, and I will admit that like, everyone's in a while, I would look away at my phone. I was just like, so I don't. I think though. Yeah, I think they were at a mall.
Yeah. Yeah. There's a kill in a mall that is like, you just need to watch that two minute scene. And that is what this movie feels like for a full like hour.
Yeah. Yeah. Was that his spine or did he fall through? He fell through.
No, it was like this weird modern piece of architecture or something. Yeah, it's not a Christmas tree. But now it looked like something that the wife and beetle juice with design. Yes.
I didn't know what it was. Well, and it's like there's a whole bunch of stuff because it's he drops. And the drop takes forever. Then you have the spinning cam, as he's spinning, careening closer to everything.
And then there's like a minute of just a shot of blood dropping on the camera with a weird sound effect of the blood. Like flippbell. So what is happening? And that's a thing, like so full moon pictures right there like, oh, we need to get a movie, a certain length.
So we'll just draw out the introduction and the credits. And like that's the way. To do it. And I feel like this movie just made every scene significantly longer than it needed to be.
Well, and that's the thing, like, that blood scene feels so out of place because I'm watching it. I'm like, is this going to come up? Like, is this supposed to be important? Am I supposed to, like, is something that happens to me?
Nothing is important in this movie. That's the whole point. It's basically why I mentioned it being full chiesque because things happen for no reason. They are never brought up again.
People act in very odd ways. React in very odd ways. And it's just like this, this is evil. Let's put it on film kind of thing.
But the weirdest part about that mall scene that you're ignoring, or maybe you haven't gotten to it yet, is what's, it's twofold. And I never knew that becoming possessed by an ancient evil would make you a fucking clepto. But for whatever reason, she decides that it's worth murdering this guy over a shitty painting. And second of all, the entire mall food court sees this guy float and then fall to his death.
I was thinking about that too. I was like, like, these movies, and I feel like it's all the time with these, like, low budget shitty movies is like, I can't take my brain out of the reality of like, yeah, the police reports are going to have hundreds of eyewitnesses saying that a man was suspended in the air a little bit. So the demon gets removed from Susan at the end of the movie, and she's walking away with her psychiatrist slash uncle, I guess. And, and like, it's supposed to just be like, well, everything's okay.
But like her husband's dead, her aunt is dead. Like, there's someone is going to be held accountable for all these deaths. And there was really no one besides her uncle who's going to be like, oh, she was possessed. It's cool.
Don't charge her. Like, like, it's just so fucking weird. Everything is weird. And then yeah, as Scott mentioned at the top, her boobs grow demon things twice.
Yeah. Yeah, that was pretty dang. That was super dang. They looked at, they, they reminded me of, do you remember the South Park episode that is parroting better off dead?
Yes. That's exactly what it reminded me. Oh my God. Yeah.
She lifts up her shirt. She's like, how did you distract them? I showed them these. Dang.
Dang. Knowing them, that is actually a mausoleum reference. It has to. I believe it.
I mean, they parodied better off dead. Yeah. But let's, let's talk about the ending because it really annoyed me because so the, so he shows up and she's playing with the doll. And then he was like, I'm going to put this crown on your head, the same crown that she's just wore.
And he put it on her head. And then I was like, okay, so there's going to be a big fight scene because there's no way that they're going to do a three minute morph scene that just shows the demon expect, like leaving her body. Well, they did a three minute morph scene with the demon. It's spells from her body.
And that is virtually like the end of the movie. I think the reason I got so mad is because Jay had gotten out of the shower. I needed to finish it because I'd wake up early to watch another movie. And I was like, I can't fast forward because something is going to end.
And it was a 15 minute ending that was just drawn out. Everything was just so drawn out. So I remember one of the things with Kyle was that he fell asleep and he's like, she has the psychiatrist and then all of a sudden she calls him uncle. And I don't know if that was established earlier in the movie, but it blew my mind.
So the whole time I'm watching it, I'm like, all right, where do they establish that he's her uncle? And maybe I missed it, but I don't think they do until she says hello uncle towards the end of the movie. I feel like this movie was like the movie that they were making in Return to Horror High, where it's like each new day, they're getting new pages and nothing matters. That or it's like, I'd like to believe honestly more than anything, I'd like to believe that they shot this movie out of sequence like you do on most movie sets.
And then the money would try it up. And they were like, well, we're just going to have to cut together what we got and see if we can get it to 90. Well, I don't think that that's a terrible assumption. But here's a little bit more information on the DVD commentary.
Bobby Brezzy revealed the producers set up bleachers for crew members to watch the filming ever sex scene. So first of all, that was the responsibility of the production companies. Their goal was just to see some some movies. And second of all, it was produced by the quote unquote, yuppy don Michael Franzi see former capo, copo, whatever of the Colombo crime family.
It was allegedly a form of money laundering, whether it was a passion for film or simply a business venture is unknown. And like here's a thing listeners, I'm sure you already know this, but just to be sure, in most film sets, it's called a closed set. Yeah, it's the actors, the director and the director of photography, maybe one lighting guy. It's the smallest set up you could possibly do.
Bleachers are not usually part of this. Come, let's go again. The sex scenes aren't sexy. There's nothing sexy about this movie.
There's nothing really good about this movie. But I mean, I'm going to listen to the commentary because I bought the vinegar syndrome. Oh, wait, wait, because we're going to do this episode. We've been talking about doing it for a while.
And it was one of those like when I see them at conventions, it's usually like by three, get the fourth one free type thing. So I was like, ah, fuck it, we're going to do a mausoleum one of these days. So it's been sitting on my shelf to watch for like at least six months waiting for you to make the pick. And yeah, I'll probably listen to the commentary track and then never watch it.
Yeah, I almost feel bad. I almost feel bad that you bought this, but it's not necessarily free because it's still like you're getting a deal, but you're not getting, you know, there's just something to be said about your addiction. It's not the worst thing that's on my shelf. It's not a deal.
So don't convince yourself you got a deal. That's like going to a restaurant. It's like, oh, you got this. So you're going to get a moldy cucumber.
You're like, oh, I wasn't expecting this. It's not a deal. You still lost. And then I got a moldy cucumber.
And what did you get? Not food poison. I will take one food poison, please. A safer Ontario means more police and prosecutors making sure my car doesn't get stolen.
It means building new jails to keep criminals behind bars. And it means there's no need to worry when I play at the park. We're making every corner of Ontario safer to make all of Ontario safer. That's how we protect Ontario.
For all of us. Learn how at ontario.ca slash safer Ontario paid for by the government of Ontario. Put down that smartphone and listen to me. I'm Matthew Milligan, professional musician and lifelong weird al fan.
Each week I'm joined by professional podcaster and close personal friends Matt Kelly to take a dive off the defense into the best career of pop culture icon, beard al yankovic on our show, Weird Algorithm. Along with some very special guests from the world's music and comedy, we tackle every song, every television appearance and every bit of sketch comedy al has produced in chronological order covering the good old days of my balona and eat it, the fun zone of tacky and white and nerdy and everything in between. As we go, we're ranking the songs, albums and music videos in the hopes of creating the ultimate guide to a career bigger than the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota. So the next time you're having one of those days, stuck in a traffic jam, wondering why does this always happen to me?
Just kick off your sneakers and stick around for a while because we've got it all on Weird Algorithm, available wherever you get your podcasts. And now you know. Was that enough references? All right.
So what is your guys double features with the bizarre mausoleum Scott? You're pick, you go first. Fantastic. Okay.
It's the only thing that came to mind and I feel like I need a palate cleanser. You know, like I don't love the original Phantasm as both of you guys and probably everybody that's ever listened to the show knows I fucking love Phantasm too. But I would pair it with the first Phantasm because the first Phantasm has a bunch of shit that happened that makes no sense. And also a really sweet song with two guys just chill on the porch with some guitars for a minute and a half to fill time.
And there's nudity that makes no sense in that one too. So it really is just a better, it's a better model. It's mausoleum but with better production value and a little bit more competency. Thanks Don Kaskar really.
All right, Brian, how about you? What's your double feature for this bad boy? I mean, demon wind. What?
I mean, you fucking hate demon wind. I love you demon wind. I didn't like this movie much either. Yeah, but you're trying to like salvage your night.
Yeah, I'm picking himself when I say what my double feature is it because the demon reminded me of some of the monsters and black roses. So I was like, man, I want black roses after this. It would be a good cleanse. The other one that I had written down was there's nothing out there because green ice.
Oh man, you could do like a triple feature and that would be pretty solid, I think. But you got to start with mausoleum because no one's sticking around for mausoleum. You got to get it out early and then reward that with black roses and there's nothing out there. I don't know, man.
Remember when we were talking about Bloody Murder 2? You were the guest host for that horror marathon and they started with Bloody Murder. Yeah, but then they followed it with Sleepaway Camp. I was like, you sit through Bloody Murder, but like for your pain, you get to enjoy sleep wake.
But most people don't have that kind of wherewithal. Like fuck me, I wouldn't do it, you know? Yeah, but none of us are the people who would do like an all night movie marathon. I certainly couldn't like sitting in a movie theater for 12 hours.
No, dude. I can barely sit in a movie theater for two. That's true. I know I pay so much when I have to watch a two hour movie or longer because I go to I pick because I need comfort and food to do that.
And you know, bathroom breaks. I hold at my pay and it's painful. That was like the one thing I didn't like about mid-summers. I was very painful holding at pay, but I couldn't complain because I had just sharded minutes before.
What? I was there. I witnessed it. So speaking of sharding in a movie theater, what's something you guys all you want to give a hey, check it out too.
Oh my God. I don't even know what to say because I'm still processing Brian's sharding in mid-summer. Well, while you think about Brian's sharding in mid-summer, I'll knock this out real quick. I over my winter break saw a really, really good movie in a train wreck.
So I saw Uncut Gems, which is just a two hour panic attack. Scott, you'd hate it. Brian, you'd love it. And then I need it to witness cats and cats is I mean, it is most certainly a film that someone took a camera and film things and put it in a movie theater is what I can say about cats.
It's a movie. So here's the thing with cats. There's a certain point in the movie where you're like, okay, I think I've gotten past how creepy these cats with human faces are. And it's right around that point that they introduce mice and cockroaches with human faces.
And I was like, I'm done. I can't do it. I just want Jennifer Hudson to sing memory so I can go. His memory is the last song.
Yeah, it's the last song. But yeah, so here's the thing. Cats actually, if you're thinking of it from a music standpoint, the soundtrack, there's a couple of people who can't sing. But for the most part, the music is good because it's Weber.
But the original concept for the movie all the way up until the director who got hired was Steven Spielberg producing a 2D hand-drawn animated film. And then this director was like, no, we got to do motion capture, humans with cats with human faces. And if it had been a hand-drawn animation with this music, I think it would have been a much better movie because it's terrifying other lives. I never understand Hollywood.
I think it's like, hey, we're spending all this money. We're seeing them faces. This episode is just us talking about the weird Italians. It's like the crime boss that did mausoleum, Fauci, Matt Kelly is an Italian.
All right, so that's my what I see. Obviously, I recommend on GEMs the most people as long as I can handle like two hours of a very stressful situation. Yep, not for me. Sorry.
I want to talk about two things. One, I made the mistake of finally going through my Amazon Prime Q and watching some shit that's been on it for a long time. Well, not watching, but just kind of dipping my toes into Astro 6. Astrone 6's stuff.
You know what Astrone 6 is? Oh, yeah. Like, Manborg. I started watching Manborg and I was like, oh, this isn't from the 80s.
What the fuck? And I was, I maybe got 15 minutes in and it's just so dumb. And then I read up on who they were and fathers, they sounded funny. And I was like, okay, so this is going to be like, I was picturing something kind of like called Girl of Cthulhu.
And you know, our boy, Chris Lamartina is fantastic. He's got a sense of humor. The guys at Astrone 6 don't. They just somehow get funding to do these movies.
And it was so bad. I forced my way through maybe six scenes, just to kind of, you know, like fast-boarding and, you know, dickin' around. And I just don't understand. There's poverty in the world and there's injustice and strife.
And then these fucking people that are getting paid to make these movies. Like remember how bad Velocipaster was? These are worse. The good news is that Megan and I finally watched Hail Satan, the documentary that Brian was talking about last year.
It was so good. It was just so wonderful. I highly recommend any listener that hasn't to check it out because it is... Megan has talked about Satanists like LaVey and Satanism.
Not Crowley Satanism because Crowley Satanism is ridiculous. But LaVey and Satanism is just basically atheism with a theater degree, which is what Megan says. And when you watch that, you really get that sense of, okay, it truly is because they're just political activists that use the idea of the devil as a mirror back on Christian religion in politics. I want to make a meme that's like, you know, watches Hail Satan once and then it shows me joining the book.
I think the first two acts hold up incredible as a great, great Halloween and they lost me at the third act, seeing it a second time. It got a little goofy. And then I re-watched Empire Strikes Back. Great movie.
He's got a commercial. No, I have to say it, man. I have to say it. Now I grew up on the...
I grew up during the era of episode one, two and three. And it is no secret that George R. Banks is one of the most hated characters in Star Wars because he's so obnoxious. Chewbacca is the single-handed, most obnoxious character in Star Wars.
Every time he's on, it's just unnecessary groans and bones. He annoyed me the entire time. Other than that, I think it's a delightful film. That's my hot take for today.
I'm pretty upset with you right now. As I was going to say. He's just annoying. He's just annoying.
And what I did enjoy is like, Yoda is like the drunk in the street that used to be a cop, but retired. You know? All right, so that was Mazalayam 1983 as picked by Scott. And you know what, guys?
I got a little spoiler alert for you. This movie brought me down. But you know what's going to pick me up? Singing.
A whole lot of singing, a whole lot of dancing. What do you say we make a whole month dedicated to musicals? Who's with me? I am.
All right, so February is going to be all musicals. And I'm going to give the fans a spoiler because I know you hate to wait. We are just reviewing Sound of Music every week. So for us to sing like Julie Andrews for four whole episodes.
I will say that at least half of the musicals that we're doing will be questionable how they fall into horror movie night. But there's not a lot of good horror musicals out there that are readily available. What is sitting alone in your room? Fuck me.
You're not even British. All right, so tune in next week when we're going to do a horror musical sequel. And we will be back. Peace.
You're listening to the Geek's Secret Work. Put down that smartphone and listen to me. I'm Matthew Milligan, professional musician and lifelong weird out fan. Each week I'm joined by professional podcaster and close personal friends Matt Kelly to take a dive off the deep end into the vast career of pop culture icon Beard Al Yankovic on our show, Weird Algorithm.
Along with some very special guests in the world's music and comedy, we tackle every song, every television appearance and every bit of sketch comedy Al has produced in chronological order, covering the good old days, my balona and Edith, the fun zone, tacky and white and nerdy and everything in between. As we go, we're ranking the songs, albums and music videos in the hopes of creating the ultimate guide to a career bigger than the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota. So the next time you're having one of those days stuck in a traffic jam wondering why does this always happen to me? Just kick off your sneakers and stick around for a while because we've got it all on weird algorithm available wherever you get your podcasts.
But now you know. Was that enough references? You're listening to the eXc network. You're listening to the eXc network.