How long is this episode of King Me?

This episode is 1 hour and 53 minutes long.

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This episode was published on February 6, 2025.

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Max Payne (2008) - King Me

Welcome nerds welcome to the Nerdist podcast the Nerdist a podcast that is definitely still around and hosted by me Dan and my guest that's me no is your house I'm just one I mean it's not good it's not my house we are recording via video chat here to Jo Jo it's got my dojo this is where we come to hone our craft right honing the craft what really the craft of podcast welcome to game me game me play me play me yeah honing we're honing and we're honing welcome to play me the king me production yes a deep dive analysis of the filmic adaptations of game make videos that's right that's how people say that right video games yeah we've been going through video game adaptations here we've enjoy right last week what was it silent Hill and then you know we've been pairing those on Fridays over at patreon.com slash king me pod with a double feature we did pitch black last week for our rata Mitchell double feature the only place you get a rata Mitchell double feature okay yeah if you're a if you're a rata head yeah if you're rata Mitchell if you are running here reach out we're fans you want to hear some mixed opinions of your work I think you did a great job in silent Hill and we're just fine in pitch black yeah not the other way around you think she was better in pitch black yeah cuz I was just screaming the whole fucking time well that's what she's paid to do all right now and of course this week level six level six I'm sticking with that we're talking about Max Payne from Max 2008 we're just every every like so this is another like go team movie what a go team movie what is that it's a movie for guys with go team movie to go team movie and and really like I think the the sort of like days the stuporous days of Sin City having come out oh man it's like they saw Sin City before they made this movie I think they saw Sin City before they made the post yeah yeah I mean angels we don't hear anything about how they smell so different in that way to how they ought to smell how are they how should they smell like cookies you don't remember in Sin City when Mickey Rourke saying that the one Chica he wants to wants the bang smells really good like a smell like a name her name was yeah this let's see Max Payne based on a video game third-person shooter game from 2001 yeah this this movie is heavily influenced by Sin City they saw Sin City and they were like finally we cracked it we know how to do Max Payne and it's in front of a lot of screen yeah sure is looks like shit feels like shit this is like I'm not one to notice this a lot but this is the least New York looking yeah Toronto's I've ever seen yeah yeah yeah I'm not always I'm not always keyed into that sort of thing but I'm like I that's not that's not even close to that yeah yeah yeah well and you know we'll get into all the scenes and outs of the movie what have you but let's see director who directed this John Moore of course John Moore joint John Moore and we all know his filmography of course he makes only good movies like a good day to die hard the fifth die hard movie the let's see the omen remake the flight of the Phoenix remake and behind enemy lines behind and I'm like is not black hawk down no it's the other one behind enemy lines is with Owen Wilson behind enemy but I know I can't say that Emily Emily line oh yeah yeah I got it it's a that's a weird fucking movie it comes out in like it's made in like 2000 super like jingoistic and whatever like the bad guys are just sort of vague mill Eastern Russian sort of kind of guys like he's from European I think is the thing and then yeah there's a one of the gallery stills on MDB is someone like leaning on a big hammer and sickle statue or torn of course of course and it comes out after 9-11 it's like it has nothing to say because it was you know made but like it just feels like a fucking weird like relic of a time where they're like let's spend some money on some shit and Gene Hackman is in it but in like you know he's like yelling into a phone like my man's behind enemy lines you know like one location five days that's what I think yeah and yeah Owen Wilson in a in like a war move to action sort of in action capacity that ain't natural that ain't right yeah coming off of like the royal tenon bombs you know I get this guy behind enemy line and we want behind Emily lines is the porn parody is sort of a gang bang train running situation or I hate to be the one to say it but yeah well yeah so it makes it so that's John Moore that's do you think he was hired for this because his last name like the title character is also a word well my name is more and that means to have you know the opposite of less right and Max that's the most opposite of less yeah so more and then Max come on come on it's like the same thing it's kind of perfect written by both orin you know a question I'm gonna ask you is I think he was hired to write it because it stars man with the same first name is it probably yeah yeah probably that's the order it happened it I think the studio is like we say it's a pseudonym for Bob Richards that's that's his pet name of course he's big Max pain head that I like the idea that the studio is we know we want Bob bridges and something what what and who will write it both orin basically zero creds this is his only screenwriting credit good his only other credit on IMDB seems to be camera and electrical department he was a grip on a short film called smitten so they it's right so maybe maybe that is Bob bridges who knows I don't think you think Bob bridges is doing grip work no well I don't know maybe some like grip work on site I don't know what he gets up to all right but yes Bob bridges is in this movie he plays be be Hensley Bob bridges Hensley yeah Bob bridges Hensley right must be last week he is bad in this movie yeah the decks I'm gonna say the decks kind of staff against everyone here you know I just it feels like every every actor is in a different movie and they don't know they don't know what that movie is and they don't know what this movie is they're like you know the plot also is like it's got a little go gobbledygook absolutely no it's yeah we'll get into the plot the character's name should be Max gobbledygook do we say who plays Max gobbledygook mark Walberg huh of you know one of the owners of Walberg's of course yeah hamburger actor Mark Walberg yeah former hamburger actor I don't think he's involved with the restaurant former hamburger actor current Catholic yeah current Catholic also former hate crimeist yep former hate crime is bad guy yeah former speculator on 9 11 ongoing ongoing yeah I guess yeah Marky Mark is in this and that's another two like yeah well he sucks he's but it's crazy I was in the departed two years earlier than this and I know you know there's a big difference between sources and John Moore but also it's like they're not even on the same fucking planet you know like these two versions of Mark Walberg and it does feel like yeah absolutely everybody out to dry as far as like oh yeah we don't know what kind of movie this is gonna be either so just sort of do we're gonna fix it we're gonna add snow in post don't worry there's gonna be a lot of snow in post it's not gonna stick don't worry the thing with him so I guess he's one of I mean and his personal life sort of suggests that he's just like one of these actors like a sort of an empty vessel and you kind of get out what you put in right so which is why he takes on he's perfect in boogie nights but go on no I mean that's such case it like that's the absolute perfect use of this guy yes I mean he's gonna depart it too but like you know he gets to like do his like tough guy is tough guy bullshit yeah right but the writing is good enough you know it's well-tracked it's like a tough cop okay hey how about speaking of which how about this being like you know this is build is sort of like a crime thriller but in reality it's like a high-concept fantasy from where someone else kills a cop's wife it's not the cops himself yeah yeah that's true that's that I mean look I can only suspend my disbelief so far wait a second he didn't kill his own wife and child all right this might be the guess I'll go along with this this might be the closest thing also to a like a Christopher dorner bio pick we ever see who's that the guy he was like in the military he went on like a killing spree and like was targeting I think like police and you know like you know people in authority yeah you know about that I didn't know about that I mean maybe I did it's it's crazy is there not enough like absolute subsidies that I have to pay attention to I guess it's as crazy as anything else I can't hold all of them in my head please yeah he was he was like I think he was like pretty mentally ill himself out what makes you say that the manifest but yeah he like he is alleged reason for going on this killing spree it was it was like something about like police corruption or whatever but there's way more to it than that it looks like he died like 12 years ago yeah he died as a result of this whole thing there was like a manhunt and they of course they like he was like hiding out in a cabin and they like lit the cabin on fire oh wow accidentally we're on purpose yeah we accidentally lit it on fire what are the odds that the cabin that the the subject of our manhunt was hiding in burst into flame yeah well yes yes this cast you know so we've talked about Marky Markman who is his funky bunch supporting him oh all of it right well you got me lacunas playing Mona Sax hey Max and Sax what that's that's what he's saying is like I thought she's gonna be more of like a romantic interest and if they got together Max X come on yeah no no he would have had to take her last name if they got there is well his name would be Max Payne her name would be Mona Sax Payne if you're right it's great it's just crazy it is crazy I definitely thought that she was gonna play a bigger part and this she really doesn't kind of nobody plays a big part like nobody plays a big part as big apart as big apart as you think even mark even the mark W kind of this movie yeah it's just like a car just sort of no one driving it to sort of like moseying down the street yeah it's a self-driving car it'll figure itself out yeah she's in this we said Bob ridges he plays PB Hensley who's kind of like this is he the CEO of this pharmaceutical no he's not he was the head of security of the pharmaceutical company though yes that's crazy it makes yes it is a little sense to me Dan but okay yeah he's the head of security he has like an insane pen house office did you like that because they tell you this in a line where somebody's like you know he like makes him joke or whatever and one of his underlings like now he's had a security we have to laugh at his jokes he's like I maybe had a security but they still pay me like the janitor and he's like the nicest Andrepper office you ever saw in your fucking line yeah enormous executives office like that's like easily confused with the CEO but okay so anyway Bo's in it yeah he plays Max's friend well no he's Max's father's former partner from the police department like and right off the bat what the fuck why are we getting so in the weeds about this yep and now he's sort of like a father figure to him I guess I guess sure I feel like everybody has a stupid weird connection like that like even though like even like the Donald Loge thing which I think is pretty clear feels like what there's one too many yeah there's just like one too many attachments or something yeah and I mean the bigger issue is like none of these things are ever shown they are only told yes right yeah when don't when don't know Loge's character don't don't know Alex Baldur dies we don't see it happen or anything it's just sort of you see the really funny crime scene photo of him like yes we see that all right close up on his dead ass face yeah I make a dead face but he's like I love that the photographers like let me get down the low for this is gonna happen let's go and write in the scrapbook yeah it's like it's done off camera and you hear about it later and then you see the pictures and shit like that makes it very little sense this whole who elude Chris Chris bridges is in this plays a character named Jim bravura Jim bravura okay I don't know it was a cop he's like internal affairs or whatever yeah he's internal affairs and then at a certain point in the movie he just leaves he just leaves and doesn't come back that there's that explosion in the pharmaceutical billion he's kind of like I think I'm good yeah he's like well guys you really fucked it up now I'm going home you know what yeah I hope you're I hope you're proud of yourselves I'm I quit I quit I quit you got Chris O'Donnell playing Jason Colvin another guy who pops in for six minutes he has one scene it's so it's it's I don't know I guess at this point like Chris O'Donnell is just a character actor and he's you were just like just put him in there I don't know like whatever it's weird to see Chris O'Donnell in this movie though it is it's very uh is that Chris O'Donnell yeah like oh yeah remember that never Robin and he's another one who just like yeah I mean like he said he just he shows up he's on so many people are unceremoniously moated oh yeah most of them and you don't really get a sense of their important at no point are they important really before their murder no even he's like I was working on a different project yeah right it's like that's like the one extra step thing yes exactly just being like I was a part of that product but I heard about it and I could tell you what I heard about it and I keep all the evidence in a folder on my desk now right yeah I keep it on my desk now I'm also so plugged in that the head lady is calling me and being like take care of it yeah yeah he said Donald Oog, Donald Amore, Nolasko, Nolasko I guess it's Jack Opino Jack Lupino the guy who doesn't make sense the guy who doesn't make any sense he's actually I guess he's more of the dorner is like a former military guy gone totally bonkers yeah he is yeah he's bald and he's bald it like his character it feels like like feels good watching him anti-cliche like in that like it feels like there should be you know all right spoilers for this stupid fucking movie we're gonna get to anyway but like Bobridge is the like all like the high up villain right he's the big bad and then you have this character of what's the name again Jack Lupino yeah right who is like ex-military but hooked on his drug and like kind of has got like underlings working for me it's like a bit of like a street level guy so it makes sense in this sort of like if it was like a Robocop analogy whatever he's the the Kurt with Smith character working for Bobridge's like Dick Jones you know right that's not what's going on here ultimately no it's so much weird like he's I guess we're to understand he's building an army of like drug addict super soldiers sure yeah no particular reason we're not quite sure what what anything is going on there there's also Nicole Horn the character of Nicole Horn played by Kate Burton Kate Burton I saw her face in this and I was like who of who is she why we know her she's in big trouble in little China yes she is she plays Margot of course a great movie and who's Margot in big trouble in China she's a she's a reporter so there's a there's Gracie Law played by Kim control of course we remember her from set a record we got a lot of the quote usually subscribe someone like I swear God I got a couple was I saw him like Twitter I think someone like upscaled the footage to like 1080p or something oh no just like an insane waste of resources yeah just upscaling that video to you know like 4k and I like the idea of a little bit no I say drain the Colorado River if we can use AI to make her scat for 20 minutes train the color you already here there's some other characters a pop up you got Nelly for Tahoe Jamie Hector is like oh my god that's Nelly for Tahoe yeah Nelly for Tahoe of course Nelly for Tahoe maybe for tattoo yeah and she gets that big slap whoa plays the the widow of plays will yes she's a bit of a will Smith do you think he's like a slap coordinator now that in a way that they have intimacy coordinators yeah he's got to get some sort of work right yeah yeah that's about it for like notable names anyway yeah that's about it so this movie the first which is too bad cuz yeah we have to talk about the moment to do it but it's good thing Dan you were recording cuz I just started recording on my end but that's okay I'm gonna be able to do that grab some audio from there and there and it's fine max they should call you max max foolishness yeah max foolishness max foolishness just for today yeah just for today but so the movie opens this is the first line of the movie and it sets its own for the entire thing I think I don't believe in heaven I believe in pain max I believe in fear max fear I believe in death max death that sucks yeah it's the is the most shit for brains fucking thing you could possibly write on paper yeah it's like a tattoo a dumb guy gets you know I don't I don't believe in heaven I believe in pain like that kind of thing this is look I'm gonna we're gonna do our letterbox thing later but I got a spoil my own review for this because oh come on Dan it's the only it's the only way I can describe what happened here okay this is a movie for guys who are like to they like fail the empathy test you have to take to be a cop yes and become security guards instead yeah this is a movie for security guards this is a security guard style movie if you were a security guard in 2008 you were you and the boys were scaring women in public and and quoting Max Payne and we each other saying I don't believe a god yeah that's probably true even pain and fear and death pain fear death pain fear death so okay you know it's interesting to well let me ask you right there's an adaptation of the video game Max Payne yeah what's your have you ever played Max Payne I think I may have but it was definitely like 20 probably over 20 years ago yeah it's not really game that like stuck out to me you know sure it's um also I do think this like speaks to the tone of the movie to Max Payne the source material right is a rock star game yes which is also for shit for brains guys yeah games for shit for brains guys Grand Theft Auto which I like Grand Theft Auto of course that's the point but guess what Grand Theft Auto doesn't take itself seriously at all right that's the point is like right yeah you're a criminal doing much crap criminal shit yeah what I remember about Max Payne the game would be that there's like a lot of like slow-mo bullet time kind of shit yes which they try and recapture in this movie and it sucks yeah well it's just it's going slow yeah it's just in slow motion right like the thing is in movies we've had slow motion for a really long time and in video games like having like the bullet time slow motion sort of thing kind of like a new to new look right it's also like a thing that you engage in the game as like a strategic move yes and in this it's just like we're watching things slow down it's not like it's not like when Max Payne drinks the blue raspberry it that he like goes when he goes super saying it's not like he is slowing time down on command right which so like I thought that's what was gonna happen in this movie having not seen it ever maybe even still haven't seen it yeah probably I mean if anyone asks did I not but like that movie dread the judge dread movie from the 2000s or 2010s whenever they came out there's a drug in that that I think it's called slow-mo and it when you take it everything sort of slows down like the bullet time or whatever so it you know it's a fun thing to do in the movie because then times slows down you see like all this gunfire and all this slow motion shit but then they use that also I know like pretty early on in that movie the bad guy I can't remember her name Leah Lena head heady or headly she was a Cersei on Game of Thrones she's like the big bad and it all takes place in an apartment building and she throws somebody off who's on slow-mo right throws them off of a balcony so for that person it feels like they're falling in slow motion so it's just that much more like sort of torturous psychological right that's cool it is cool there's an angle there yeah there's none of that here all right no no slow-mo sort of shit what we do get are angels slash Valkyrie which dude Dan have you ever played the video game it's not in there it's not in there it is not in there none of the supernatural stuff is in here can you imagine like you are you are a dumb guy okay 2008 go on imagine this you you only you don't drink water you just drink Monster energy drink of course you go to see Max Payne yep all of a sudden there's fucking angels everywhere I'm pissed yeah sure I sign up for this no no I I would be pissed I think I did I mean I don't know in 2008 if I were a dumb guy in 2008 if I were a dumb guy yeah I would be like what the fuck is all this nonsense I would probably be really into the all the north north mythology that I found interesting this sort of like painting that in like a very negative light and like a fixation of people in the military because yeah yeah what white supremacist it's all you know the needle it threads what can you do but then of course the fixes like we just have to put it in the hands of the right guy sure that's always the fix I love when he goes one of them it is like it's like an alarm clock going off because like you're so checked out for all of this like non-story this non-war tail being unspooled for you yeah it happens like the movies two hours long it happens at like the hour and a half mark and for anybody who's watching this movie if you want you could just jump ahead to that moment and then just watch the last half hour yeah you know it's almost worth it for the little moments like Donald Oakes death death master yeah all the about great by the way Roger you want to see something cool absolutely I changed the light in my in my recording studio here oh shit can you see that it's changing color does it just look like the lights getting dimmer and dimmer it looks like would you turn it to red right now it's red huh orange now I'm going more people oh well like should I stay here yeah if I mean if you're okay with it yeah I think I might you know you look like you're in some sort of a neo-Tokyo's I was gonna say I look like I I look like I'm seeing the TV glow oh yeah right yeah have you seen the TV go let's not do this let's not do this having costelible shit I believe we've done it already and you yelled at me so now I'm holding you to it did you watch that movie or no no I've been seen I think you would really like it I got to watch it I got to see the same my beloved the same on the screen Max Payne so the Norse you know it would have been a good way of spice this episode what's that if if one of us had done one of us had done like a song parody that's like if one of us that maybe if it was like a song about the character of Max Payne how his wife said and it would be like wife Liz's Max Payne surely make you lose your mind wife Liz's Max Payne you just shoe-horning Max Payne and into what was that uh who is that the Eagle that's like in the fast yeah shooting shooting from out here you hand in glove my man hand in glove and then you shoe horn to put a glove on to you of course not of course not shoes yeah yeah Max Payne he uh he plays this Max Payne his wife and baby are dead and he's you know he's a cop dude I could make such a funny joke about the baby being dead I bet you could I know like a bunch of really funny jokes about that about dead babies yeah not the funniest they're really messed up I'm not gonna say them I don't want to offend anyone I want to offend anybody you know all these fucking all these sensitive lubes how do you how do you how do you how do you cook a dead baby in the microwave no that's the punchline shit actually I don't think I know any of them anymore and you know you don't know any dead baby jokes then you got one on log oh I always have a few in the chamber no I was against humanity as so I got I gotta tell you I like being purple yeah yeah look at that TV look at TV glow so Max Payne his family is dead yeah they look like that they max he you know vows revenge he spends his nights sort of like hunting down leads and shit like that because it I fucking so again like for the most of the movie for like the first hour and a half or so you're just hearing about this sort of these junkies they came in they killed his wife and daughter and he wasn't there in time to stop him but there was and there's somebody else there that he's trying to track down all this shit right and when they actually when they actually show the the home invasion the like yeah the extended flashback I got to I couldn't stop laughing I was Rob it's very funny it's crazy as hell it's also like so unnecessary and comes at the weirdest possible spot yep right like we know all of this through context clues it is and by clues I mean like people are just saying it they're saying it over and over yeah right an early plot point is that Donald log the vagina Donald logs character dies because he was chasing down leads so he's like hey Max it's Alex call me back I think I got a lead about what happened your murder dead wife I think I might know who killed your wife now and this is definitely call me back right away before I get killed myself and well in the rear view at that point even is the conversation where that detective who we never see again goes down to the cold case room yeah and the guy walks him down there's like just watch out for Max Payne went fucking crazy because someone murders wife and baby yeah don't don't talk to me just don't talk over him or anything that I could I mean that's the this movie is so bad it's so poorly written this is like so poorly plotted out it's crazy that it's like a movie it's like a movie a conero Mally character would yes yes I realize what I've been sort of triangulating here yeah circling that but yes it's yeah you got like the new cop who gets like bumped down to like cold cases in the basement because he spoke up to internal investigations right and you're like oh is he going to like partner up with Max and like help him solve the case no never see him again no he's introduced only to be let go immediately he's gonna kind of he almost partners up with him and then the wall blows up and he's like forget that I'm done I'm out I'm out of here that's my time that's my time that's my time yeah yeah he was kind of partners I guess the closest thing he has to a partner is Mila Kunis as Mona Sax yeah yeah sorry going going oh I was just gonna set her character up what we're gonna say no no going we need her via her sister who is so just like a sexy lady yeah Max Max is running down so he's running down a lead right and he sort of lures these three like seemingly like I don't street level criminals drug addicts whatever into this bathroom so to like provoke them to like rob him or something but he's really trying to get information from one of these guys the lead guy here the one who's got like the dew rag on who pulls the gun on Max yes it's such an insane like stereotype of a like of a drop I had the same thought I was like it's like a character in Peel this guy is doing a key in Peel I was gonna say it looks like a character you'd see in a rockstar game well yeah but like it was so heightened and the way that he was just like like you know whatever he's like they call me crazy eyes or whatever you didn't say that but that's like the vibe that he's getting putting out that he's doing that he's basically being like he looks like him I don't remember what he said but it's very like am I gonna have to bust a cap in your cracker ass like it's yes very and very poorly done and there is something about like the way because he's got the hoodie with the hood up yeah he's doing the like sideways gun thing with but there's something about the way the hoodie's sitting even that feels like all feels weird and all feels like racist somehow yeah even just like the cool yeah I don't know it does right the so that's all very weird but yeah he he's at this like CD sex club it's not even clear what the sex club is but it's not a sense it's a brothel no no guys it's his apartment that's that Trevor whatever is that's like his apartment hold on it's really funny is there's a moment kind of later on where someone's like oh when ludicrous is like questioning Mark Wahlberg and he's like your friend Trevor you know what he does for a living I'm like oh they're gonna say it yeah they're gonna tell us what he does for a living I don't know no so I we can't get to Trevor just yet these three criminals here right because so the guy with the gun he gets killed almost immediately one of them runs off and then Max interrogates the guy that he was trying to you know get the information from and then he has to go back to Max has to go back to his informant Trevor but the guy the one criminal that gets away he runs down like the subway tracks right and then he is attacked by like winged demons that we don't see and we don't see him get killed but that's the assumption is that he's no we do but I mean get hit by a train oh he gets I'm sorry he does get hit by a train right that's right he gets that's the thing these things they always show up before someone else kills you well yeah so so then he goes to Trevor's apartment which is insanity because like the outside door looks like just some sort of shitty apartment like hallway or whatever and then you open it up and it's this the most enormous sort of law Trevor do you live on a sound stage yeah it's crazy but this is where Max meets Natasha and Natasha has a tattoo of wings on her arm and then they leave together and Natasha goes back to Max's apartment where she's like please right and you can even call me your wife's name and all this kind of stuff and he's just like big big big you know fucking mark remark inhale you need to get out of my apartment right now and he's like she's like you're throwing me out of bed and he's like that's right and she leaves and it's at this point when she's walking down a dark hallway or alleyway sort of a sort of outdoor hall that's not or whole and then she takes is it she takes like a big swig of Valkyrie of the blue raspberry is it is that what I don't remember probably but she does that and then we see that there's a guy a bald a bald man hmm crouched on it on top of a building watching all of this go down and smiling yes and also we saw this guy once before already at Trevor's house he just sort of like stares at Max Payne for a second yeah it does and then Max Payne stares back because that's all Mark Walberg knows how to do is just kind of like stare at people in Faroe's brow uh-huh anyway then she's attacked Natasha is seemingly attacked by demons yes and like I think the next very next thing we see is like the crime scene and we learn that she's been torn us torn to pieces like into 20 pieces they say yeah which then at that point I'm like oh those things are real right right it's crazy the the thing with the snow to all the exterior shots right they have the snow sort of like not falling but floating around yeah it's it's like a snow it's yeah it's all digital snow but it looks like when when you break up like styrofoam and just gets caught up in the wind and whatever it's just blowing around yeah there's a shot where there's like an open window someone opens a window and the snow starts getting in yeah and that's clearly styrofoam it looks yeah it looks like shredded paper it's yeah it ain't melting folks now but yeah at the you know at the crime scene of this woman they find Max Payne's wallet and they're like what's the deal Max where you with this Chica almost said woman which is fine you don't have to say Chica well I don't think I was gonna say woman I don't know what I was search for a word for woman something much worse no something better probably then you're gonna say woman with a Y instead of an A yeah I was gonna say I got nothing I'm sorry that's okay this this movie yeah this is angel I'm actually what do you know about what do you know about this angel yeah this embodiment of the divine feminine what do you know about this embodiment of so whatever it's so they find out so and Max is basically just kind of like I don't know yeah I don't know everyone's like okay guy who he's like yeah I was with her and then she left I threw out of my through out of my apartment I also don't know what accent Walberg is doing in this is it tour on Tony in it's all over the fucking place but Natasha is Natasha by the way played by the I'm she's played by the lead from the bad Daniel Craig yeah she's respond the leading quantum of solace yeah yeah she plays I'm seeing your felicity quantum that's right so Natasha is Mona's sister so now Mona Mona sacks who is an assassin mm-hmm yes all right she up she's a contract killer yeah you might see her at the John Wick hotel yeah you might you might oh that would been so cool if they threw the John Wick I was I think crossed over oh that's what we need is like a Max Payne fucking John Wick crossover both it's literally the same as when they were talking about the underworld resident evil crossover yeah that makes I mean in that it's the same in that I wish it would happen and I do anything and I do anything to make it happen yeah I don't even know what the fuck happens in this movie there's like a long stretch of doing great no but there's a long stretch where they're like they're in terrigating people and trying to like get leads and they're like pointing guns at each other they go to that tattoo shop where the tattoo artist that guy the most costume demand I've ever seen in my life crazy that's so funny he look oh yeah he's not even trying to be how he's dressed no he's not doing anything he's just delivering all of his lines is though he's like a unlike an episode of like SVU yes yeah that's exciting but he's wearing he's like an 80 year old like a you know he's supposed to be like an aging tattoo parlor employee he's wearing a mesh tank top but again he's like he's gotta be in his late 60s early 70s no he's not that old he's gotta be he's it's time I have tough I have a tough time with that sort of thing speed 19 everyone kind of seems old to me I guess in 1976 he served as the Montreal Olympics at the Montreal Olympics as a highly trained heavily armed military escort about that who the guy who plays that's who artists yeah what's his name Stephen our heart Stephen car heart that's right same do out of the song let's call the whole thing off with former Canadian Prime Minister Kim Campbell on an episode of the current I don't know what most of that means but so he's a local hire yeah basically that's what I'm hearing yeah hearing two words yeah he's a weird guy he's a weird looking dude is he always dressed like that not always dressed like that but his face always looks like that he's got a healthy face yeah and his voice is very strange too but he fills them in on if they ask about the winged the wings tattoo on her arm and he goes into how the wings that boy does he gives them a whole he does a whole like Wikipedia article about what the wings mean seriously he's like he goes into all the Norse mythology how the wings these wings represent Valkyrie and Valkyries were gods that would fly over the battlefield and sort of determine a warrior's fate right they reward those who draw first blood yes now Valkyries in Norse mythology are women they're women flying around the battlefield whatever yeah we're sometimes Bugs Bunny in a wig sometimes Bugs Bunny in a wig but in this they're just like sort of demons yeah that's that's it I mean and also in this you're not sure if they're real or a hallucination of people on this drug damn not not yet you're not what do you think real there no you are sure by the end of it are you sure yeah remember when like the bomb goes off and it all just disappears because Max sort of like sobers up but I thought I thought the whole point of like the drug or whatever was you can once you take the drug you can see these things no they're like hallucinations they also say that that like everyone they tested this drug almost everyone they tested this drug on went like loco yes because they went crazy screaming about how there were angels flying around yeah but the people who didn't go crazy still see those angels they just like it they like it they like it there's sick but I don't think that makes the angels real okay yeah I just think it makes them sick sick in the head super soldier material all right perfect for the program good good so and that program is being run by Jack Lupino Jack Lupino of course who's the guy he's the bald guy lurking in the shadows with a machete with a machete he we see there's that one scene where a guy's like tied to a chair he's like please please please and you're like you're like oh man Lupino's about to cut his head open mmm like a like he's drinking out of a young coconut you know sure but instead he just like gives him some blue razz some that some of the Valkyrie juice I give some blue razz and the guy's tripping his face off and then he chops him to pieces yes because he's also on the stuff yeah he loves it and they're all they're all just crazy man they're totally insane at this point the movie though and this I would say this is like more than 30 minutes in right we're probably somewhere around minute 45 in this scene yeah it is unclear for the longest time it feels like we don't know what the what the blue drug is mmm we don't know how it factors into anything else except for the fact that this movie is dumber than anything and they're like the way your attention like Bobridge is materialized I know where you're like okay well that's suspicious yeah he comes out of nowhere and he's like max I'm your father figure I'm your you trust me trust me more than anything I'm so sorry that all of this happened to you yeah and then we go to the audience are like oh so you're the bad guy so you're the obviously the bad guy or obviously evil okay also like SVU it's like we got to get a heavy hitter like bow bridges to yeah yeah but then they go to the pharmaceutical company where he means the head of security be hensley no security and that is like also suspicious because it's like pharmaceutical company there's a drug there's a crazy blue raspberry drug on the street all right can we talk about the drug for a second Valkyrie Valkyrie the drug made by the seer company which yes seer probably also means gods oh it's there's sort of like no no no no no no no shut it down shut it down hey hey oh very I I think it's so fun when a movie has like a new drug you know like we we were watching not that it's a new drug or whatever but in pitch black the coal-houser character is shooting morphine directly into his eyeball with like a little needle gun right yeah which morphine is not a new drug but that's a new way to do it that's a new way to do it and I don't see that every day exactly makes it for a fun sort of or like RoboCop 2 has nuke which is just like a little like popper kind of things that you jab into your neck just straight into the jugular vein and you just like squeeze a little thing and just goes in RoboCop 2 is about people doing poppers kind of yeah I got to check this thing out yeah I know you mean it is it is fun this version of it though sucks because it's just like a little blue vial of stuff and you just drink it like a potion lame it's not even a drug it's a potion that's a potion right if you're not if you don't have a contraption to inject it yeah I don't want it I don't fucking I don't want to know about it right yeah oh would you get that a witch is brew yeah shut the fuck up I want to see you have to like you know inject it in a weird way or like oh it's this you know a blue powder that you have to like you know tip tap like from the vial into your ear or something like that yeah I would go on going in the ear yeah nobody's done the ear yet yep I like that I like that a lot but this look if it's just it might as well be the T-virus the way it's just like you know vial it looks like the damn T-virus looks like a fucking T-virus famously well the T-virus blue and then the cure is green apple yes okay the the virus is blue raspberry and then the cure is green apple you're you know we talked about all the things that have been like lost in cinema like things we will never see again yeah never see things the colors of delicious flavors ever again now that they'll never be like a well actually what color is the substance from the movie the substance great question I think it's I think it's like a milky white if I'm not mistaken so was it like coconut or pineapple pina colada it would probably be like a pina colada yeah but it doesn't evoke it you see what I mean no it doesn't it looks like kind of it's not just some food dye in some water everyone's got to overthink it yeah how about it's just like cherry yeah let's just be fruit punch let it be fruit punch like all yeah all drugs in movies should just look like Gatorade yes exactly I think that's what we're getting to here that's exactly what we're getting and maybe the substance is like Arctic berry or white cherry or totally okay so substance just sneaks out of this one just riggles out all right watch yourself though you're on notice but they should all look like some different they should be basically glowing in my opinion yeah you should you're not sure if it's like oh is that a Gatorade or did somebody crack open a glow stick into an empty bottle yeah you know yep couldn't agree more but yeah this is a bad fictional drug it's it's bad it's dumb the way they use it it doesn't I don't it seems like as soon as everybody takes it to they go instantly insane yeah it doesn't like I don't see the it's like marijuana yeah exactly it's like marijuana but I did I don't see like the appeal like it's not like oh this is heroin where I'm like nodding off or whatever or I'm coked out of my mind and I'm like it's not like oh this doing this drug doesn't give me any sort of like like psychotic strength or anything like you know it does though right remember I mean only watch this Jack Jack Latino but I'm Max and Max Pinino but I'm talking about like the other people that are doing it like these other people that are it seems to be doing the drug as well like recreationally are just going insane from it it's true it's sort of like a it's like a sort in the stone sort of drug yeah like oh it only works good for like for the pure of heart yeah it's crazy yeah right yeah because it's like the they're like the junkies in the subway yeah they're the bumbling robbers who kill Max Pan's family yes who just want to get their hands on more of that sweet Valkyrie yeah should call the lapino for that honestly yeah should have made more sense as to why he's following him around so much the reveal that the third guy that kills his family is Bo bridges is crazy well okay disagree it all makes perfect sense when you see a little reflection in the wind whatever do it it's so funny that whole I mean the flashback the sort of like because again the whole thing is like the whole movies in Sin City vision except for this flashback which is like gold yes it's the whole thing is gold it's so funny too because Mark Mark the entire movie is just scowling he's got this furrowed brows pissed off and then in the flashback he's like all smiles it's like a honey I'm a happy guy right now I hope like a button down tucked in the khakis yeah I hope nothing disturbs my happy life here when I come home whoa and yeah he gets he's you know fucking whatever the wife he's calling her name he runs upstairs he sees a guy shoots him dead immediately another guy attacks him with a machete yep and says something crazy about like the angels are burning inside them now yes and then I have a chance to death and then he sees why don't get a shit sees one guy get away then he sees his dead wife on the laying on the bed I thought there's gonna be an overhead shot of her with like the bloody handprints be on the bed sheet to look like wings but there was oh Rob that would been cool it would have been cool we don't see the dead baby although it would have been hilarious if we did I look I really I really freak people out with my sense of humor sometimes of course yeah we do just see him look at like a cradle with letters that say baby on it and then just sort of be like oh my god oh no yeah and then and that so that is but that whole thing is crazy because that is presented in a scene a lead into that is bow bridges calling ludicrous meaning like you have to come to my office right away and he's like there's something I need there's something you don't know about Max Payne it's the thing everybody in New York knows about Max Payne everybody in the NYPD already knows this about him yeah right there's no new information except that he's kind of just like and Max went a little crazy after that which everybody else already knew anyway that's why he's on desk duty for the past five years or whatever absolutely yeah also I love there's like um there's some like funny sort of just like covering their asses with dial like exposition stuff happening where like we get that phone call between where bow is inviting ludicrous over he says he's like a how about how about we talk in person why don't you come to my office and then the first thing he says to ludicrous when he gets there is thank you for coming to my office and office we've already seen yes thank you for coming to my office and for the record my name is BB Hensley yeah he fills fills ludicrous in on Max's backstory there Max in the meantime he goes he goes you know he breaks in this one he breaks into no don't worry I'm yeah yeah that doesn't he goes to the Assyar building to see what's it Chris O'Donnell Jason Colvin yeah and this guy's acting suspicious immediately so Max like Loxidor you start to beat in the information out of him which you know Jason tells him he's like she was working on this drug to make super soldiers right and what happened was most of them went insane there were only a couple of men it worked on and they had to it was a government project and they had to scrap the whole project and the pharmaceutical company had to do a cover up right which I'm hearing all this I'm like like in reality none of this you know a giant pharmaceutical company with a you know US government contractor whatever there's no cover up involved you just like you know there were you cover what are you covering up what are you talking about were you already not telling anyone yeah who did you tell about it actually well there's our first mistake you shouldn't have told anyone yeah like it makes no sense but he's like and he's like I'll testify but you have to protect me and all this stuff and I know where like I have the every and and I'm like what the fuck I have to protect you yeah well I don't know where my dead wife why my dead wife died his wife his dead wife Michelle Payne she it's so good so what once you know the project got shut down she I guess she was looking into it further and potentially going to expose this pharmaceutical company was alone that whistle baby blown the whistle to to yeah and that's how you end up dead of course saw it in Resident Evil saw it in Resident Evil we see it in real life all the time it's a classic move from giant corporations isn't it crazy that Julian Assange is still alive is he still at the yes he I think that I think his charges against him were dropped now and that is when I thought he would die sure yeah like they're like all right you're free to walk out that door all right goes like whistling down the street immediately sniped nobody's still alive now there's a guy from Boeing the whistleblower there were two oh yeah that just happened to dead within like two weeks of each other that oh man they created it created a couple Max Payne's yeah couple Max Payne's run around out there so whatever it while Max is beating this information out of Jason also allowing while he's doing that Jason screaming at the top of his lungs and everyone can hear it all of it yeah every single word of it and Max is not on drugs at this point I think that would have made this all make a lot more sense is if the drug taking had started sooner yeah also would have like made him more credibly implicated in like the death of whatever her name was Natasha Natasha right I mean he's on the drugs they got the wings everyone's acting like no one could notice this these wings it's on every murder victim in the past ten years yeah that's right and also his wife had them yeah his wife had them as well why oh well no I'm sorry now his wife didn't have it one of the murderers the murder happens it shows up in one of the police because he's in the angel club correct am I not angel enough angel club yeah I mean one thing that they could have fixed was Max being on this drug Valkyrie the entire time sort of like a minority report where like oh you know his his family's gone it's this guy who's just like deeply deeply depressed depressed depression mode he's in depression mode that was a that was an option in the video game to go into depression mode that also slows time down he does yeah he puts on weight doesn't really you know do anything he just stays at home basically oh yeah it's my favorite golden I mod not big head motoring things just to pressure all the characters weigh 15 pounds more just like your your character in the video game is just rewatching friends you have to keep tapping a button or they're pointing the gun at themselves if you let it go for too long without moving yeah you have a there's if you press there's a button you can press to make them start a hobby that they quickly abandoned yeah but if Max was on this drug the entire time they would make more sense I guess yeah him like sort of being so aggressive and like you know just like sort of killing anybody who gets in his way instead of like like doesn't he shoots that one guy in the like early on when those three like criminals those thugs like confront him in the bathroom doesn't kill the first guy and we'll probably never talk about that the fact that like Max definitely killed that guy and like there's no police report on that or anything he's just going around murdering people right yeah well he's got to find out who killed his wife because he didn't do it I didn't do it probably yeah and that so yeah Chris Chris O'Donnell is streaming his secretary call security and then security is actually like the army of it's like a it's a SWAT team yeah it's a full like a small suitably owned SWAT team that is wild right so as this is happening Chris ludicrous bridges is also like coming to follow up with that guy with Chris O'Donnell yeah because Bo bridges tipped him off and was like he's going to confront this guy you got to go make sure nothing bad happens to that guy because he's mentally he's mentally unstable he's a lunatic so ludicrous gets there as like a as an army is arriving I like this to he just pulls out his gun and just sort of like it's like I want to get it on this and like kids be pulling out again nobody knows who you are what you're doing in this building like whatever the as demonstrate later where they're all they all pointing guns at him he's like I'm in my bad fucking cool stuff here's the thing ludicrous has Luda Christmas he's got that Luda Riz he does have Luda Riz I like him in movies generally speaking sure I do I mean we talked about it on the pitch black up so but like he is one of the fast and the furious crew that's right he in that city like computer hacker something yeah he goes from like I think it's in the second movie is his introduction and he goes from being a guy who like can sort of kit out your car and like hook it up with like a sweet not your socks I do all that to being like one of the top hackers in the world being able to like hack into the CIA mainframe or whatever the fuck you know anyone can learn to code you know hey anybody can do it yeah it is it's a funny escalation for that character I like it so this he sees this you know sees this battalion and call it radios and he's like what what unit you got over at the what's the company called a seer a seer what at the seer building and I like what do you mean no no one from the NYPD is here yeah so that yeah as you said this is the private army of the pharmaceutical company yes and they are all going to kill we think Max Payne but here's the thing they get in there they go straight for Chris O'Donnell yeah they kill Chris O'Donnell immediately RIP and they start shooting at Max Max I'll shoot back I love a firefight like this in an office setting all the files on the paperwork got everywhere yeah that whatever the exchanging fire Max shoots one of them in the leg guy falls what did you make of the moment there's like the moment where we get slow mo of the one guy we see like his eyes yeah and he puts one in O'Donnell and then goes to put one in in in wall work huh why we have to see that guy's eyes see this he's not anybody right he's nobody he is nobody that's this movie it does like bunch of nobody's in this thing it it it's like you said it's like a conero mally sort of thing it's like now imma zoom in on the guy's eyes we see them right before he fucking ice it with like normally the implications like do we know this person and it's like no we don't know this movie just a cool shot to see right like it just looks cool that was like that's a motivation of every single shot in this is like whoever was behind it was just like it's gonna look cool that's all I want to do I just want to look cool here yeah yeah basically so he gets away and ludicrous is like you have to come with me to the police station so we get this also really gentleman right and he's like I'm getting to the bottom X pain is like I have a file I know kill my you know I'm getting closer that and he's like you can tell me all the downtown and he's like no way Jose yeah luckily yeah explosion goes off he runs away yes and then I like and then ludicrous it I love how he's like you guys fuck this up he got away with I want him just kind of run with that the dirt it's like the most the most juice anybody has in the movie besides that blue Valkyrie stuff sure besides that's that is juice but yeah he's like the most fun thing that happens is ludicrous like clearly just riffing yes for five seconds and that's back to boring town yeah the part of it so they max has to go to he gets a tip from Mona Saks that a Jack and what is sex Jack Lupino is they watch that video that Chris O'Donnell gives them which is all just like it's him like the guy Jack Lupino talking directly into camera about like the drug and like how you know whatever how it's like he's like very normal in the video but then they're like Max man is like that's the guy that's the guy who killed my wife whatever and she's like well he's I know where he is he's at this place called Ragnarok another Norse mythology thing so they go to Ragnarok which is just an abandoned warehouse it's nothing like nothing cool you know I thought I honestly I thought it was gonna be like a nightclub sort of a John Wick esque you know underground honestly who's got the budget who's got the budget who's got the money for that yeah we spent all of our money on green screens what are you talking about so yeah right even like even the beginning that guy was free you think fake snow grows on trees you blow it on trees the even like the party at the beginning like Trevor's party or whatever there's like nobody there like ten people there looks like an art gallery opening or something very depressing part so Max goes to Ragnarok he kills all of the henchmen right then there's a fight between him and Jack Lupino and Jack gets the upper hand I can't wait till he dies in our conversation so that I don't stop hearing you say Jack Lupino like I like I give a shit he should have a cool like if we're going with this Norse mythology thing he should have a cool Norse name yeah his name should be like Stella and scars guard or something yes it should be yes like fucking he should be calling himself like Odin or something like that right now like it shouldn't it like I don't know there should be some sort of like consistency here but there isn't it's just Jack Lupino and Jack Lupino has just Jack Lupino yeah just Jack Lupino just Jack Lupino Willing grace yeah okay yeah he does have a machete also not norsthenes should have had a big hammer you're all should have given him the big hammer smash I said with a hammer should have had like a sledgehammer even that would have been like closer right cuz it's also like damn you gotta be crazy strong to like wield a sledgehammer yeah yeah yeah no you're right that would have been better I like you do right you do like yes you're strong yes yes so yeah they fight it looks like Jack Lupino has the upper hand and he's gonna kill Max Payne but then Jack Lupino is shot in the chest by BB Hensley BB8 and his henchmen he's got a henchmen here he does have his henchmen here it's the second in command right and then he like he takes Max out of the building is like let's go for oh yeah his name his name being BB is especially funny in this moment when Mark Wahlberg and his first of all Mark Wahlberg has a stupid voice right baby yeah he turns right baby what are you doing here baby what the fuck are you doing here do you know just be be no Jack Lupino baby how how you know Jack Lupino what are you doing it ran a rock with me and Jack Lupino does Mona sex we're here did my old partner Jack Balda tell you about this before he died you baby Hensley oh fuck oh yeah we have to get Jim yeah we have to tell Jim bravura about this do you know of course Colby is dead BB it's all making of course it's only consent it's only perfect something it's been Natasha and Mona sex dumbest fucking movie I've ever seen in my life is it's definitely up there is one of the dumbest movies I've ever seen it is like you know I'm gonna bar got a quote got a quote David Sims and say it has rocks for brains just it's rocks in its head it is the dumbest movie I've ever seen in my life now okay I want to talk about that for a second that being the dumbest movie ever right because when you say like oh yeah I watch Max Payne the other day it's the dumbest movie I've ever seen other people are gonna be like obviously it's a dumbest right people are gonna think like dumb equals bad yeah yeah but like we've been watching these video movies yes they're like very degrees of like fun you know there's like definitely fun to be had in these movies even though they're like dumb this movie is like dumb dumb yes yes yes this is for stupid stupid people we're giving it up for the resident evils in the underworld and we're like yeah you know like resident evil it's like it sucks but it's like a weirdly tight little movie or whatever like there are little things to like about it under where like that's very boring but like such and such looks cool or whatever right and this is just the dumbest thing I've ever seen it is it is like I mean dumb I mean like low IQ yes low miss thing I've ever seen correct so oh man yeah microplastics in my brain like just things are not synapses are not firing no so BB PP PP has his his henchman guy there put handcuffs on Max and then there and then this is the part where BB explains his entire plan he does like the dumb bad guy thing where he's like let me explain my entire like plan and motivations and you know I do like all of these crimes here is his is his henchman Joe Joe Sal yeah I think that sounds right Joe so everyone getting a last name in this to is crazy I know but I do like this though when they're like you know Joe's like can't kill now and the first time BB's like no just put handcuffs on we're gonna take him down by the river for some reason yeah yeah and then I have my entire plan first we can't just kill well that's what it is the second time Joe's like come on baby let's just get this over with and he's like Joe can you cool he's like you calm down for a fucking second that is yes that is the reaction that it's having just watched the Austin Powers movies pretty recently it feels so like it's very very like very like it very Scott I swear I am talking so yeah they go they walk down by the docks and this is when BB tells him his whole plan about how you know he was involved in he was involved in the Valkyrie project or whatever he you know in whatever capacity but now once it got scrapped he I don't know he like took the information and started manufacturing the drug on his own and like he's the sort of drug kingpin of this thing Valkyrie it doesn't make a whole lot of sense as far as like why would you still be working at this what's the business model yeah like if well that's why they have to say that they pay him what a janitor makes so that he has motivation to like be corrupt no well I understand that but like once he becomes you know a you know drug kingpin here and he's the guy at the top who is getting the drug made and then you know feeding it to his street guys to send out on the streets there why is he still ahead of security at this pharmaceutical company he's got to keep up appearances Rob that's crazy he's double dip you know he's like making he's got two revenues well I gotta you know they have really great health insurance yes of course anyway the other thing he tells him very important he's like oh by the way I also killed your wife and baby yeah he's like I killed your wife and baby and he was the third guy so it was Bobrages and those two junkies that went into the house and killed the wife and kid and he said something like you know it's hard killing your wife but the baby was really hard to kill but he's also like he's like but I was ultimately able to do it thanks to blue raspberry yeah juice and he's like they took they talk about like you don't feel fear it fills you with peace and purpose yeah he's like he's loved it all I could think was like shit man I could have been doing this my whole life I could have been killing your wife and baby my whole life yeah I could have been killing them forever he's like anyway time to time to die time to bye bye Max bye bye Max he won he ties Max or he's going to time acts to await and then throw him in the frozen river to just sort of drown him and then he plants some drugs on him too which that doesn't make a lot of sense because if you're making it seem like Max is like maybe committing suicide or something like why would he tie away to his own feet and like also plant drugs on him it just it doesn't make a lot of sense but nothing this movie does whatever Max as soon as I get the cuffs off of him he fights back and runs and jumps in the river and that's like they both you know BB and his his partner Joe they shoot and they don't hit him or anything and BB's like I's probably dead that river is very cold and then Max pops up and he's like I'm so cold I have to take this blue raspberry juice which he does and at this point this is the part where he goes really one of the funniest things I've ever seen it's like an ad for blue raspberry juice yeah or it's like it really this movie is like ultimately pro stimulants it's like in the way that like Second Amendment people are like the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun is a gun yeah this is like the only thing that can stop someone tweaking on on uppers is a good guy tweaking on uppers hell yeah so all of the all the snow that we've met we've been looking at like just sort of floating around her fucking fire turns to like sparks dude and this is cool then like we see a bunch of those like Valkyrie things like flying around the air and Max is like I am juiced up baby I'm ready to go let's fucking do this he's on Crocodile folks he's basically on Crocodile they gave him Crocodile guys I'm damn Crocodile here but now he goes back to the fucking seer office you know kills a bunch of people what's his name BB goes to the rooftop where he want he's waiting on a helicopter of course Max it makes it up there as well and BB knowing that he is you know he's like well I'm caught like whatever he's like do you want my confession first and Max is like Max doesn't say anything he just pulls a trigger fucking kills him ice cold fucking ice cold man ice cold also saves you the trouble of having to write more words yeah let's just wrap it up mark walburys also been shot like 15 times yeah but he's gone Valkyrie so it doesn't matter also Mona Saks is there helping him out yeah she just appears very briefly to help him out and then I mean everybody is bad in this movie but man Mila Kunis is terrible in this just like I'm gonna say it she's a bad actor yeah of course she's a bad actor like name one name one name one you're sending well yeah that was the exception that proves the role now she was very bad in that she's in black swan but I think she's only yeah but that's a bad movie I've only seen it the one time well you know Darren Aronofsky the clown Darren Osky Darren offs the clown of making movies sucks he is really unbearable but imagine being like a guy who's like I only want to make movies that people can watch once yeah he's got such a high opinion of himself to my of course that's really where my issue is of course I don't think you should have that that high opinion you don't you don't like his movie Noah I've never seen Noah you've never seen Noah I think the only Darren offs key movies I've seen are black swan yeah and mother mama it's like mother yeah yeah this is an that sucks shit huh I've never seen mother oh we what if we do Darren offs key come on man we were we're literally talking about how much we both hate him why would we do that to our side yeah right yeah I've seen out over my skis yep I think he's a much smarter man than he is I've seen a requiem for a dream a movie that you can watch one time and never again is what they like make their butts kiss or something they make their butts kiss exactly that's so stupid it is I've probably I've definitely seen the fountain I don't oh have you seen have you not seen the whale I've not seen the whale I haven't either but I learned how it ends and I really want to see it now oh well yeah of course it's the funniest thing I've ever heard my life no I think the last movie that I saw by him was black swan and now I was like I'm good man forever yeah I saw that so 2010 I would have been like 18 when that came out I guess sure perfect age to see something that thinks it's smart but is actually stupid be like that was really quite thought provoking yeah even I parentheses dumb was like I think this is dumb as I am yeah I'm pretty dumb I'm pretty dumb but at least I come by it honestly yeah yeah yeah so me like on this bad actress she is bad in this movie like when when she's beating Max in the alleyway right she has like a band one of six then no bayonet kind of things mmm not bayonet it's like the you know what I'm talking about right like the retractable like oh just like a yeah just like a baton right time I was looking for okay like and she's got the machine gun like if the gun is bigger than she is like it not like it just looks weird and doesn't make sense and she's like it's just bad whatever it's bad I'm gonna say even casting her is like a like a dumb guy thing where you're like you know who's like the hottest girl I've ever seen yes Mio Lecunus yes and like it's very beautiful but there is a type of guy who's like dude dude if you if you could have a million dollars no or have sex with me look who is a million dollars a million kunis if you have sex with Mio Lecunus but you'd you'd have to you have to eat vegan food wait so I got to have sex with her butt okay whoa okay yeah you know what yeah fine okay I'll then I mean whatever whatever yeah I mean but here's the thing you can never tell anyone okay or okay okay thought experiment over they also again the way she styled like it's and it's just a symptom of when the movie was made by it yeah it's the city really man no one knew how to dress themselves no doesn't know although I do love mark Walberg's look I don't know if this is the same as in the game but the turtleneck with like the leather jacket over it well like there is that is the same look as in the game there is a precedent like it reminds me of like Steve McQueen and bullet where Steve McQueen wore a lot of turtleneck's like as you know in his team and Queen can do whatever he wants of course he can you can do it when mark Walberg does anything it's an uphill battle to seem cool doing it it seems like it was you know maybe you know the character of Mac pain in the video game is not necessarily modeled after Steve McQueen or anything but it feels like there's some sort of a link there where they're like we need we need him to look like a like a cool detective like show me pictures of cool detectives and Steve McQueen is gonna be one of them you know sure and then yes when Walberg puts on a turtleneck it's like look at his dope fucking face really don't care for him oh my god his I like every time every every shot of his face I was just like what the fuck man yeah yeah but you know what every day I'm on that hallowed app every day I'm checking in right what's up your big hallowed guy big hallowed guy I'm what they call a power user power yeah always checking my scriptures so Max kills BB BB right before he's killed he he also shoots Max right yeah she's you know what he shoots him with a BB gun yeah because any gun he shoots is a BB gun that's right BB calls the woman Nicole Horan who he didn't really talk about but she's barely in the movie too she like work she's like I see over something at the pharmaceutical company like that's what she does she's in on it and yeah Max kills BB and then the movie like kind of ends he's like it looks like he gets surrounded by that could be police could be pharmaceutical SWAT we were not sure does he die Dan I remember so he's just there he's sitting there on his knees to and the Sun like he's been snowing this whole time and then the Sun like the clouds part and the Sun opens up and then he's just there on his knees and all the SWAT they're pointing guns at him and then it bam directed by John Moore goes to credit right that's okay Dan did you stick around for the post credit scene no do they execute him firing squad that would be hilarious that that's honestly the only ending that would be acceptable is every you make everybody sit through the credits and then the 30s watch his head vanish yeah yeah yeah no it's a it's a scene of of Max going to a local bar and he goes to the bartender the bartender he ends in two beers and he's like two and then he the bartender sort of like motions over this way and he looks and who's sitting there but Mona Sacks brings the beer over to her and he's like what's going they don't like there's no dialogue okay even that doesn't make any what's the thing that Mona's like hey this guy's about to walk in when he does and he asked for beer give him two beers and then tell him that I want one yes and then she said she just hands him a newspaper and one of the articles has a picture of Nicole Horn and the a seer company and it just says like record profits for the a seer company and they look at each other like there's still more work to do again no dialogue right and then she goes to black done but like Mona has no dog in this fight she just wanted revenge for her sister I would argue Max Payne also has no dog in this fight he just wanted revenge for his wife and his kid correct they don't care about super soldiers they shouldn't they shouldn't they shouldn't care but now it's like now we got to clean up the filth yeah and nobody in the audience cares about any of this audience is long gone by the way long gone they've been gone for about an hour at the point yeah this movie is bad on a level you know not often reached I think like most movies that are bad have like a little something to them you know whether it's like oh that one actor did a good job that like performance was good or like that set piece was really cool like that action seems really cool everything that sucks yes absolutely every performance is dog shit everybody is like I don't like did you call action like what it's right it's mostly very boring you can tell that this is like I think part of it too is like I mean this never could have been good like sometimes we'll do our little like script doctor thing or whatever be like what could we have changed here like make the movie work better nothing could have made this better but I also do think like the green screen of it all at this like point in time yeah probably makes it a little tougher for like this kind of actor who's not used to that no absolutely it's it it fucking it looks really bad because you know since it does it in this like hyper stylized way black and white black and white with little pops of color and shit like that and this is like this almost feels like a black and white movie now gray everything is but it just it just sucks it's very boring the look of it is bad everybody is bad in it right could they have made a better movie if honestly if they'd like okay here's the fix ready the fixes you set the movie in the 70s okay and it's more of a like sort of a gritty French connection esque like style where it's like shitty New York everything is like you know it's 70s New York where crime is like fucking rampant yeah and there is a drug and the drug is more interesting just in general we don't see any like angels or Valkyrie or any of that bullshit but you know whatever the drug can still be neon blue but you got to do something more interesting than just drinking it right you got to like shoot it into your dick or something like that like something more interesting right yeah the gun with the syringe on the m where you pull the trigger goes yeah yeah I love that give you some of the gun with the syringe on it that always makes like a yeah like it's carbonated or so good it's always I'm telling it's Joan soda in there it's Joan soda but you get rid of all of the sort of all of the supernatural sort of nonsense of it yeah and you make it more of a you know maybe it's a super drug where everybody you know it's like a Crocodile or something where people are just like out of control like PCP are like trying to rip other people in a half you know I mean like it's just like that kind of that level of drug it's just more interesting you watch I what you're describing is a fundamentally different movie no it's a totally different movie I understand you're like all right here's what we do first of all Mark Wahlberg gotta go got a recap mark marks out second thing I'm thinking is we said in the 70s instead of Max Payne main characters say pop I dole I just like I just want to watch the connection you get rid of all the supernatural stuff you get rid of all the green screen kind of stuff and you make it more of a grounded detective story that is like about a guy who whose family was killed and which is more what the game is right it's like a guy's descent into madness kind of yeah yeah it's yes and that's the other thing too is that like you know probably in oh eight nobody was thinking about this but watching this in 2025 like fuck me like just watching Max Payne just in quotations right just Lee kill absolutely everybody is just like man this does not fucking hold up whatsoever yeah you know what actually come to think of it something to a Luigi bio pick we ever get feeling ahead of a pharmaceutical company I wish the you're right though there is like I mean yeah do you hear that the Sacklers had to pay out a bunch of like billions and billions of dollars I did yeah for the like yeah for the country yeah for the opioid epidemic that they started yes I drop in the bucket for the Sacklers I have no doubt I know why didn't they just execute them on national television I don't I don't support that kind of thing what execution yeah I mean only if it's you know only if they're really bad we're talking about some really bad guys yeah so I don't know that's I and yes make it grounded detective story yeah and have Max Payne you know this like I've never played the game I'm sure the story is also like stupid retrograde bullshit in a lot of ways right of course yeah the genre lends itself to a lot of that but that's why you set it in the 70s and in like a bygone era yes like where police in quotations you know they're riding this like sort of gray area but they're still considered the good guy sure yes yes I think you're right I think it should be a different movie it's me it's really entirely yeah yeah we should watch the French connection let's do it let's watch and plug in we did a we're either gonna watch for the movies last year it's true we got we got to go back there take it back there right we owe ourselves some like just do another episode on sorcerer I'd love to I'd love to talk more about sorcerer but we got to do that we got to do more Dante is I can't wait to be done with these video games yeah yeah it's hell which I'm thinking of which we only Max Payne we only have a couple more it's true is a total or 10 total I think it was eight there's only two more now okay so we're done Max Payne so I mean we're wrapping up the episode anyway so next week we're doing Street Fighter from 09 that's Street Fighter the Legend of Chum Lee the which we are watching because we're primarily interested in the performance of one Christopher Klein yeah I think that I mean that movie is bad but maybe if you you know that going into it it's more fun but in a taboo from the black eyed peas big of course which I like I like that the week after that we're doing a little detour we're going back to King me yeah we're going back to King me we're doing the monkey the new Stephen King adaptation directed by Osgood Perkins heard of him heard of him maybe not but he directed that long legs movie everyone loves yeah maybe we do just do an Osgood double feature we do long legs that be cool I haven't seen it I think it's I think it's fun not fun but like it's fucking eerie as hell yeah I think it got a bad rap because everybody was like hyping it too much and making it sound like a silence of the lambs kind of thing we're yeah people kind of talk about like it was the scariest movie they'd ever seen no it's not which I think in the way that comedies are dead horror is kind of dead like just meaning like that like we'll never be scared again well life is so scary yeah yeah that's hard now I mean they still as evidenced by the monkey they still make our movies but I don't really have a good take their take it I'm walking it back but I'm excited for the monkey by the way it looks like such fun yeah don't you think I'm ready for some fucking monkey business here I'm gonna bang my symbols together yeah yeah yeah so we'll do the monkey and then the following week will round out our our play me series with assassins creed assassins creed I don't which I know like almost nothing about all I know is that it's pretty kooky that's yeah that's all I know about it as well yeah but Friday over on the patreon patreon.com slash king me pod who knows we might be watching the French connection now I mean I think we should stick with what we what we talked about with the other Mark Wahlberg 2008 movie that happening a classic and I'd show them our first chamalan or somehow somehow yeah yeah let's do it a bad movie but in a more fun way I think in the chamelanian milieu yeah these trees are trying to kill us I thought you're gonna treat the million stay away from the wind you have to you have to attack the attack the trunk you gotta fucking got that tree kick the trunk almost ready it's teacher crazy imagine learning science from our we'll talk about it we'll talk about Friday okay yeah we got to letterbox what are you gonna say I was gonna say imagine learning science from Mark Wahlberg and then he's like so he humanity's been around for 2000 years since Jesus Christ he was the first one and you see the bones were put in the ground and we were tested you faith they're all fake bones fake bones when you ever we ever seen an animal with a neck that long what the hell is it you ref moving on okay letterbox.com slash king me power we're gonna rate and review this thing real quick out of five stars Rob I give this a one I gave it one also this is a rare I think occurrence where we agree on the rating in like separately individually you know yeah usually we're off by half a star from one another at least half a star sometimes more like movie these movies more than you do it's true but there's nothing there's almost nothing redeeming about this movie it's just really funny when he goes oh I'm funny when he goes pee pee pee I it also took me like six sittings to watch this movie all the way through I had to keep stopping him well I'm what how much longer is there an hour and a half what I put it on last night like kind of late just thinking like I'll just you know I just plow through this plow through this I'm doing laundry whenever as soon as the first round of laundry finished I just like I threw I was like I'm so fucking tired from watching this movie yes 100% yeah so it was over so one star one star my review of Max Payne 2008 is more like Max Payne P.A.I.M. pretty good oh I forgot to do a joke that this was an adaptation of Common Sense what what was your your review again then maybe that should have been it mine is this is a single quadrant movie and that quadrant is guys who take their security guard jobs too seriously you got very like you yeah I'm cooking not a lot of people leave reviews about this movie so you know what it is I have one follower who has a lot of followers so when you like something people look at it people pay attention yeah turn a lot turn a lot of heads over oh yeah I see that I see who it is yeah yeah I don't I'm being coy yeah it's it's Brendan O'Hare's my friend Brendan okay Rob I like yours I like the simplicity try and keep it tight you know yeah and honestly I kind of came up with it before I watched the movie I like I had it in the chamber just in case it was as bad one but was yeah one for you yeah um can you recited again that I may be can you recite it once more so I can transcribe it sure more like more like pain we're like Max Max pain PAIN and to be fair it's kind of just that Norm Mcdonald chairman of the board joke from the Conan O'Brien panel yeah but you know what which is that it's the anytime that clip pops up anywhere I have to watch it because it fucking kills me every time the timing of the whole situation is so perfect the way that I can't remember her name Courtney Thorne Smith I think where she's like Conan's like and this movie yet to be titled whatever and she's like chairman of the board and he's like say chairman of the board do something with that you freak it and Norm takes like a second and he's like I met the board is spelled B O R E D and it fucking slaughters everybody he had no one is left standing after that joke it's the best he had it in a way that few ever have it truly yeah truly the funniest guy yeah all right and now the mantle has been passed to us big shoes to fill but we're doing it so he's their big shoes alright all right we'll see you guys Friday for what what's going on wait no don't leave there you'll always come in that kind of sound like Peter Griffin hey you fucking lawnmower yeah well it's just crazier than that time that happened in happy hey family guy starring me Lecunas hey Meg Meg the Meg alright we'll see you guys Friday came over came over came over

Max Payne (2008)

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