Maya Coleman PHD - PARENTING BY CONNECTION

In this episode we look at an alternative child psychology approach to parenting and care-giving, than perhaps the one we’re used to from our own childhoods: one based on connection rather than threat based motivations. This episode is a little closer to home than usual, as a few years ago we hit the wall with our eldest boy, who after the birth of our second child when he was 6, became extremely aggressive and uncontrollable. This led us to try Hand in Hand parenting, and we got an improvement of wellbeing and behaviour within just 2 weeks! We were scheduled to be speaking with the founder, child psychologist Patty Wipfler. Patty sent her apologies as sadly her health had taken a turn, but what a silver lining as Patty sent us Hand in Hand’s program director and Clinical psychologist Dr. Maya Coleman Ph.D. Since 2007 she has been providing trauma treatment for children and support for parents. She spent 3 years at the Children’s National Medical Center giving behavioural and developmental consultancy, and last year joined Hand in Hand as program director. Please donate to help me keep the content flowing  00:00 Short intro 13:36 Parent-child mutual connectedness for healthy emotional development 18:50 Learning and healing only possible in a state of safety 19:30 Traumatic experiences block learning both physically and mentally. 27:00 Release of emotion only when connected, emotionally regulated care is present 27:00 Crying is an opportunity to clear and reset their emergency/threat system 31:00 Offloading often happens later when the parent takes back the child 32:40 Children’s fear of care givers themselves 38:25 THE 5 HAND IN HAND PARENTING TOOLS EXPLAINED 39:20 SPECIAL TIME EXPLAINED - building connection 43:45 STAY LISTENING EXPLAINED - holding a regulated space for big emotions 55:00 SETTING LIMITS EXPLAINED - Listen, limit, listen 01:05:00 Regulation and body language, instead of tagging and shaming 01:09:40 PLAY LISTENING EXPLAINED 01:13:45 Laughter as an inbuilt releasing mechanism 01:18:00 LISTENING PARTNERSHIPS EXPLAINED 01:21:00 Parents too get triggered and go off track 01:28:35 You can heal betrayed trust with kids 01:35:30 Memories and a corrective associative adjustment 01:38:15 Heal parenting, heal the world References: Attachment theory Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE) Study  5 Listening tools for parents introduced Hand in Hand you tube channel More videos with Patty introducing the tools Patty Wipfler and Tosha Schore Book “Listen: Five simple tools to meet your Everyday Parenting Challenges” Listening partnership instructions video ‘The neuroscience of enduring change’ Richard D. Lane and Lynn Nadel ‘Birthing a new world’ parenting blog, Roma Norris