Midnight Reflections: On writing, on work, on learning

02.10.2020 I recorded this right before going out to Mama bar. I had my first French dream that day, my head is in a weird haze the past few days. I haven't been sleeping really well because I've gotten too used to my room and my bed. I know that I'll be a very different person if I had my own house with a living room and actually different places to sit and different rooms to do things. But that's maybe one of the (minor) reasons I'm writing the story of an architect in his own house.  Met a lot of French people that night. It was one day after the full moon (harvest). I talk about the writing workshops, and how I think I'll really give ones when I'm more established. So I'm taking what I can from these classes as I can. I had to reflect about how being around and reflecting on writing's and exercises with other authors is affecting me, and my creative process. Like, do I want them to acknowledge my greatness, (ofc that doesn't benefit me) and would they think I overestimate myself. But essentially I think it boils down to will they love or hate me for my self-perceived artistic brilliance.  Fun stuff, right?  So I went back to class again without caring about that ideal again. I will be what I am and I will ask and say what I think is valuable, and I will also watch and see what also comes out from others, because things will come out of others. Although most of the time I do have a very strong opinion about what to say because I've been really on figuring out my writing process, and I think that process is what, in essence, should be taught and cultivated.  The deep reading class was super fun, for sure. I'm liking this thing, and how I'm exposed to different texts I'd otherwise never be exposed to. I smoked one during the class, and I found that interesting. I am a writer. I think like one and I talk like one. And work is also a thing I need to do. Money and what you can do with it is nice. Good food, good atmospheres and the comfort of being able to purchase is also nice. But I've grown resilient with being so close to not having any money. I have like 250 euros now for the entire month, which is, of course, super fun. That was a fun reflection, and it took me out of a state of boredom. it wasn't too cool, it was like I was mentally running around to find something to do instead of finding myself engaged in doing something particular.