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If you want to see where I'm going to be, go to vjsonellas.com to see tour dates and where I'm going to be because I might be in your town. vjsonellas.com, do it. Go now. Like that people get like...
Not fat? No, no. Get bullied by instructors, you know. If I walk outside and I'm going to the buffet and they're like, run, run.
You better get to that buffet early. Yeah. I'm so close to law. Welcome to the show.
Miles is here as a guest because... Yeah, who cares about your... Shut up, everybody who's special with your followers. Gives a shit.
I don't want to hear what you have to say. Your tour dates can suck my nuts. Miles, do you have any tour dates? Yeah, I'm going in Nebraska next week.
You're not. Yeah. Oh. I'm doing...
I'm doing stone temple pilot covers. Ooh. No. Can you give us a little taste?
Yeah. Spent time with my lubed up hand because I like the feel. Nice. I'm half the man I used to be when I feel on that, but I don't get out.
He loves that. Ray makes... I'm probably not coming to Nebraska. I should tell you that now.
Everybody else is like a show. It's the only place I would... I can't believe. They're welcome to be here out there.
What else are you doing? What else am I doing in Nebraska? What else have you been doing? Knuckle.
Nothing. Just fucking skating. Stating. Chugitsu.
Stuff like that. Bacon. Bacon. Yeah, we rushed to breakfast in right before this.
Solid. Thanks, Brianna. Well, good. Sounds like you're very busy.
Yeah. That's pretty exciting. Thank you for joining me. Thank you for joining me.
It's all my famous in here. Jake, do you have tour dates, please? No, I don't. I'm sorry.
I'm not a performer. Yeah. It doesn't show. Behind the scenes guy.
You make a bellytail. Get in my car wrapped again. Proper wrapped by proper people. And then get in my rim sprayed.
What is it? Powder coated. So it's going to look exactly like Ken's car. Except it's not.
Pretty close. It's closer than it's ever been. And then when it's all perfected and my windshield is fixed, I'm going to do a photo up with the target because I saw targets. He got really nice BMW and he took photos on some Malibu cliff or something like a douche to Drake.
I was talking about that. But he's young. But the other car was like my car to my tip disrespect. But I get it.
My car is kind of legit grinding on. So once it's good. Father and son. And then get on my knee.
Malibu handshake. I don't know. I'm not going to Malibu for it. That's crazy.
Father and son. I keep it real. You're a rebel beanie. You're such a good guy.
Trying not to rip the hood off. Frank, it's time was trashing like a trip before we started rolling. Yeah. Can you just calm down?
A rebel bean. You almost missed the show. A rebel bean's favorite thing in life is wet food and the Jason Ellis show. Much like Miles.
Pretty much. Pretty rumble beaner. Pretty much. You've got a new tattoo since last time I saw you.
Yeah. It's got a sticky thing on it right now. So it's like kind of mushed. So that's not really what it looks like.
What is it? Is it Chinese characters? I can't tell. You know, look at my Instagram at all.
I don't look at anybody's Instagram. Oh, it literally that's what it says. It looks like Asian characters. You're like an anime.
There's a plastic thing over it. It's bleeding in there. It's like, okay, let's make it. I'm trying to keep it on.
He was like, keep it on. Please try to keep it on for like two days because it'll hold the lines better because your face. Yeah. It like can bleed out easy and I was going to spot tonight and I was like, do not do that.
You know, dude. No, dude. Out of all the bad things to do to the tattoo, getting it punch over and over again has to be the worst. What if I just slip?
Right. Miles, what if he doesn't get hit because that's I'm well known for not getting hit. Why? Yeah.
All right. All right. I'm going to go. It is, it is one of the first that you get.
You play it so safe and eventually. Yeah. First baby, baby. And then the second baby like you can change your own day by my first baby fell off a table.
It was my ex's fault in the month and she rolled off the bench and landed on the ground. It was only like a foot, but she hit her face and I was like, she's we got to go to hospital. Like she's going to die. How, how could you look away for one second and let that happen?
Like so many thoughts that were so serious and you know, she was fine. I'm not going to run with her, but I didn't know that a baby could take a hit. I thought like, you know, her mushy faces, he probably caved her head in. So I'm spotting the head right now.
She's not going to have a brain. She's right here though. But then Tiger, when he was born, like he fought and I'm like, she's got up. Right.
You're going to do coin tosses. You're just double kicking. No, I'm joking. That'd be inches only two feet tall.
Yeah. You can make it. I did, I did some more horse lessons today from a proper person. I learned a bunch of stuff.
It's so crazy to watch somebody operate with a horse and he's like, see his ear, see his foot, see if he licks his lips. This is me. Like, and I'm like, what the? Like so many little tells in a horse that is like, they just, they communicate in such a high level.
If you understand it, like if you talk horse, they're just like, yep, no, I feel good about that. I don't feel good about that. Like just all these things are like, fuck dude, like how they do these things where I'm just like, I had no idea. I'm so excited to learn this like horsemanship.
I don't, I want to, I want to go every day. I want to learn how to like writing is writing cool. I look forward to that, but just all these things where they list like I walk with my horse in a different way now where he tried, he gave me getting cocky and I was like, yeah, you know, he's a rambunctious guy. And it's like, now man, like you've got to like, assert yourself.
And then when you do, he goes, oh, oh, you're in charge. Okay, my bad. So when I walk with him, he tried to walk in front of me and I'm like, I want to every time I'm front of me. He's like, you can't let him do that.
I'm like, how the hell am I supposed to stop him? And he's like, you pull and you know, if he's trying to like get in your space and then like your energy, when you go towards the horse, like, because he was explaining like what the alpha horse does in a pack and how they sort out like if one of the horses, the younger horses has been a douche, the mate, the alpha horse will directly look at him. And if he doesn't respond, he'll walk towards him. And if he's even more like, it doesn't respond, the horse will back up and start kicking towards him like, Hey man, I will suck a kick you, get in line.
And then they do like, so there's like three levels of it. But just watching this guy explain it while doing it. And he's like, see, once you've once you've asserted yourself, then they'll just follow you. And then he just walks off and the horse just follows him and he's like, he doesn't left and then fakes and goes right.
And the horse is like, Oh, sorry. And he's like right behind him. I'm like, dude, how did you do that? So I'm going to be a volunteer at this horse place.
So there's people that like volunteer, I don't know what their job, I don't know what the plan is for that. Like they volunteer so that they end up being working there. I think I don't know if you're going to volunteer. You might want to ask.
Well, the difference is I think a lot of these, it's all women. I'm the only guy. I don't know what that is. It's hot.
Nice. Yeah. Hot for me because because you're like the lone cowboy. Right.
I could probably bone a horse. Ladies that way you're saying? Yes. Right.
Okay. Yeah. Install in Barnes, which probably looks harder on video that it smells in real life, but I'd say that's the main thing. I appreciate that.
Chappell's like shit in here. That's not bad. They're pretty clean, man. I compared to some of these other people that I live with.
They're pretty clean. Yeah. Will our old friend, Will Pindarvis love this melod from the morning, remember? Did he?
Yeah. He said it actually smells kind of good. Which, which who's poo? Cow horse.
What are you talking about? That's a decent question. I think he would have been talking about farming stuff. So probably a cow poo.
Yeah, maybe. Maybe friended a cow poo, not a cow poo. You know what? Yeah.
You put it by. What's happening? It's been a weird week. How's your day going?
I've had a lot of dates. I did shows with Craig Conant. He has, I don't know, they party, but after the show I get a bunch of girls sliding into my DMs and I'm like, where's this coming from? It's coming from this show.
The girls in there. There were a couple girls I met on Instagram that I took on dates and then a girl that I met that I took on a date from that show, who's a normal girl. All the other girls that want to go on a date with me were full tattooed. I don't want to say hoars because that's me.
When I say whore, I mean, they look ho-y. They look ho-y. You know? Like, they're like, oh come on.
Some of them might listen. You just call them hoars. Yes. I'm trying to get them out.
Come on, my whores might listen to this. Don't call them hoars bimbo. I said, I said they kind of look like it. If my whores listen to this, you can hear them bimbo.
They're not my whores. They're the dead of whores. They're my whores when they look girl out, I mean, they give them money for sex. Son of a probably right here.
John bimbo's. Yeah. Yeah, but I've had some, you know, because when I get like that, when they're not right, I go, is that all that is there for me is crazy people? You know?
But I met somebody who's like pretty normal. Yeah, it only takes the one. That's the nice thing. Yeah.
And because just what it's always like about burning people, you know, and now it's like a bone one or two. And I was like, what is this? This is like your weird old habit. Like you go on a couple of dates and then they want to burn you and you go, yeah.
And it's like, why don't you, why don't you play it slower? You know? It's really hard to get. Yeah.
Like, can you do that? Just give him the tip. I never thought. I never thought.
I didn't, not even the tip, I'm saying. Like maybe like old hands. Yeah. That's it.
Okay. I'm really playing it slow. Just this one. But just frolic away and be like, I'll call it weird thing where I'm like, we could just be friends.
That's gay, right? Being friends with a woman. Yeah. If you don't eventually have sex with her, yes.
Right. Yeah. But I mean, they're attracted to me, I can tell. Yeah.
But I don't try to bone them at all. Right. So you're a cockedies. You're a veg tease.
I like that. Yeah. I said that that's better than the other thing you call me. Doesn't sound like it's been happening.
What? It doesn't sound like it's been happening. What? Yeah.
I always thought he was gay. You know, he got a gay head if you were a gay. Or gay. Or gay.
Or gay or the trans community. You're probably going to stay and see this video. But this video is not made for you. To turn up for your maggots.
You're married and you're closeted and you like to use Grindr. This video is like a good book. And yes. Okay.
Yes, I'm on Grindr. And yes, I know you all exist on there because yesterday alone I've had five separate married men ask me if I wanted a bj last night and three of them were where America Great Again has me sent me their Facebook picture. That's right. Some of them actually sent me the picture from their Facebook account in which I could go and easily see their wife and children with their make America great again out on their pretend that their maga will also consist of the first time you get on their knees.
I don't like that he's doing that. Like, it's like, you know, like if you're a maga supporter, you know, everyone's closeted, like, no, that's not the case. Like there's a bunch of guys out there that are married that are also lived hearts that also do the same thing. So I'm trying to drag one side into this thing, but I get this.
That's why I'm a little bit suspicious of this person's stuff, but I have seen several people saying, oh yeah, this guy is in my DMs as well. Okay. So I can't say that. It's like, to the point now where it's kind of in the news.
So we don't need to get more into this guy because he's kind of annoying and he's got like a gross sore and he's in those and it's kind of bumming me out. Well, this, this, he's wearing a robe, right? Like a robe? Yeah.
Look, he's a gay guy and I'm happy for him, but he's saying that this dude, what's his name? Mike Johnson. He's the speaker of the house. Yeah.
And it's like Mike Johnson is offering blowjobs to gay guys. I'm grinda and I, you know, you got to take everything with a grain of salt because I don't, you know, it goes both ways. Live Tards make stuff up and other people, the other side makes up stuff, but he does, you know, my gay guy's off pretty hard for him and the JD guy too. JD Bands, yeah.
That guy's got a gay head. Okay. He might not, he might not be, you know, I don't know. But this, the thing is like if you are this, what's his name again, Mike?
Mike Johnson. Mike Johnson and you send a photo of your face. Mm hmm. I mean, does anybody not know who this guy is at this point?
Like, I don't know his name as you can tell. But do I know the guy's face? Yeah. Yeah.
So, I think it's a potential that this is somebody sending a photo of him to make him look bad. Yes. So, I don't necessarily believe it. But when it happens a lot, it starts to make a little more sense.
And I guess the main reason that I'm saying this is because he does have a gay head and there is a thing where, well, guys are like really against gay stuff, like over the top against it. It's usually because they're kind of fighting it themselves, you know? Because if you, like you're a straight guy, Michael, do you talk about gay guys all the time? You know what I mean?
Like, do you care if guys sleep with guys? I think it's great. I think it's like, oh my god, did you hear some guy? Did a guy?
You know, like it's in the same vice versa. I don't think a lot of gay guys talk about straight people boning each other either. We don't care. Yeah.
Yeah. I think gay people think that straight people having straight sex are violating the sanctity of the gay relationship. Right. It's really got nothing to do with me.
So, it's just a weird thing where you're that amped up about it in this day and age. And I didn't, I did hear once again, don't know for sure. I didn't Google it. My bad that he has a relative or maybe it's his wife or somebody that is a part of the, the church that will correct your gayness.
It's a lot of church. You know, gay anymore. So, yeah. The camp, sorry.
The gay condition. Yeah. So he, that's a crazy thing to be a part of. It is a crazy thing to be a part of.
It's fairly crazy to many of us that he said on camera that he takes his entire worldview from the Bible. He said, if you want to know what I believe, just read the Bible, that is what I believe. Right. So he's hardcore, that guy openly.
So you can see where people, that's a little off already because they say how old the world is in there. They're, they're, they're solely mistaken. Well, for example, the Bible explicitly condoned slavery over and over and over again, to name but one of a thousand examples. So nobody, nobody actually believes in the Bible.
They say they believe in the Bible. They mean, you can guess what I believe, but it's never actually the Bible. That's just obvious. Even he would, you say it to his face and he'd be like, yeah, obviously, no, is anyone like publicly gone to gay camp?
You know, like what? Like if this guy, right? Let's say he gets caught, you know, like he has to make a state like he's been caught, but let's say he gets caught like extra red handed right to the point where there's like, yeah, okay. So there was a little bit before your time.
I was a guy. I want to say it was a senator that was at like that cruising bathroom that was well known in some airport where if you put your foot under the other stall, yeah, exactly that means. But you dig over here. Yeah, exactly.
That guy would be a candidate for okay. You guys caught me right. I think he did. He did.
So have any of those people ever come out and been like guys, the bad news? No, I'm gay. Yeah, I'm going to gay camp. Right.
No, no, no, no, I wonder. I could see one of the adults down the aisle. It's usually parents that are extremely religious, same their kids there to convert them. Sounds like a crazy.
Is there people that have said that they've been converted and are no longer gay? Yeah, that's the thing. Absolutely. Positively.
There's like a young Christian TikTok influencer who used to be transgender and now isn't right. And it's so happy that they found God so they can be their boy self. They got always because of gay camp. I honestly don't know how they got there, but their whole persona online is what I used to look like when I was lost in the wilderness and was a girl thought I was a girl and now I have ads and I mean, I put myself in gay camp.
My own gay camp. Yeah, I got sober. Right. Okay.
Is fat camps though a thing? Absolutely. Can we look up? You want to go?
You might need to go to a couple of camps. I feel like a YMCA is kind of just a fat camp. No. Oh, shit.
They call it that though. I get back just to go. That place is awesome. That's not just a fat camp.
No, it's a hotel. I would be bummed if I went to stay at a hotel. And the other half of the hotel was people there? No, no.
Just fat. Like I don't want to be on vacation and watch like fat people get like not fat. No, no, get like bullied by instructors. You know, if I walk outside, I'm going to the bully and they're like, yeah, run, run.
You better get to that buffet early. I'm supposed to laugh. There's that guy there whipping fat people in the shade. You don't know that.
I think that camp is like they teach you diet and exercise, right? I assume. They don't like starting out. Right.
I'm sure they there's a sliding scale of you know gay conversion camps. I'm sure some of them they try the carrot and some of them they try the stick. Wow. Oh, no.
I'm a retired fat person. Wait, it's at the costa. Yes, dude. That's what I mean.
You can be like out at the jacuzzi and then there's a bunch of dudes and like 20 more, 20 more pushups, 20 more pushups and you're like, dude, that's like the worst place to have a fat camp because like to me, my, I think like most people you try to make responsible decisions about diet and exercise during your regular life. And then when you go to a resort, it's like delicious off. Yeah. Like I don't go there to not eat quite the contrary.
Yeah. That's bacon time. I mean, I say they're all the time. They have really great bacon.
I'm sure they do. That's a great hotel. Yeah. They're like, you guys just get to smell it.
Dude, they don't do that. You don't know. You don't know either. They don't bring the fat people to the, they don't bring them to the buffet.
They just put them on a treadmill outside of it. They never quite getting there. There's like separate rooms for fat people. Do they pull that up?
They don't do any of that. They don't do any of that. They're the fat cancels. It's pretty gnarly to call it fat camp though.
What do you know about it? They would call it like page. You think they'd call it like exercise. Yeah.
You're going to fat camp. Yeah. We're taping this on April Fool's Day. Is this real?
I think I had sex with Megan. Oh yeah? Oh, I thought you were talking about page. fitness director.
As long as it wasn't Lee. Dr. Lee looks like a freak dude. Yeah, I'm not into that.
He's a guy that probably calls them fat. He looks like if Greg Norman had gotten into dentistry instead of golf. He looks like a youth soccer coach that touches kids. Fair.
He does. He looks creepy. So I don't think this Mike Johnson thing is real. So the people who are sharing Scared troll though.
It is which is which is why I want to make sure we cover that it's not real It's not his skin is so like shiny and perfect and he's Mike Johnson. I was just watching video I'm okay at like one o'clock this morning, and I was jerking off He's really shiny and his hair is like really perfect And I found myself wondering like at what point when you're working up the ranks in DC Do they pull you aside and go you're gonna be on TV like if you look like shit? We look like shit you get to go to the real barber now We're gonna pay for it because any guy that is that well groomed either Has to be for work or their game I know of this guy what about the other old guy that has like the turkey neck that is like he's the most insanely ugly person alive I'm not saying attractive or unattractive. I'm just saying like always has a decent haircut Like doesn't have doesn't have the stupid as possible eyeglass frames like just rookie mistakes that a lot of guys Those are some pretty goofy easy fucking nerd like there's no nerdier head But for what he is supposed to be what like for what they want him to present to the public and what he wants He's mailing it yeah, that's all pretty I mean Hey sucks, I mean he could be nice guy.
I just like I'm gonna he might be anything as boss I mean say I'm in the hell of a guy strongly down right I'm just saying like dinner with him seems really bad interesting troll tactic though to get on grinder What I'm looking at is the supposed in real DMS one of them looks like a picture taken of him like in court at like the white House like this photo is not the picture he's gonna use to send me a photo of you right now It's like this one up here. I think you're right Michael I think it's like a lived-hard bashing of this guy who's just a good old yeah Christian I saw a good a good troll the other day of some guy broke up with his girlfriend So he put flyers all around England saying a Chewbacca voice contest leave a message a message for a message So we're folks just all these dudes like leaving Chewbacca a bit of a chewy lady, too Yeah, so it's more of a sting yeah, it's not fair. This is life. Yeah, it's a good it's like a like fat can for one person It's a it's a funny one though for everybody except that lady Yeah, but like when it's been feeling her like a bag Yeah, when it comes to the patties like I wouldn't do any of that stuff But if you are the type of guy to do that type of stuff like send a bag of poop You know light a bag of poop on fire like those sort of things Chewbacca voice contest is pretty solid Is that his family?
Probably I think so. It would be weird if it wasn't I hate to say it but that kid the older kid yeah, he's gay Like I kid is gay maroon sure yeah, oh man he's And both boys are I just Maybe I shouldn't be here. I mean if that's the perfect family maybe they're right you know I don't think it's I don't think it's the perfect family. You don't think they have a perfect life.
No, I mean you can't seriously be asking that I am no they don't think they do that you think okay I'm gonna say perfect. I don't be like nothing's ever gone wrong ever but like everything's pretty good all the time Sometimes they literally are addicted to drugs or after this photo. They're literally like dad. We saw you on grinder Yeah, see that's sad if he wasn't I mean dude you're in the public eye like shit like that happens Yeah, I mentioned whether you get used to hearing slander of your dad and kind of catching some straight yourself I don't know but it's not something I was gonna take you by surprise anymore We're talking to you today about draft Kings Casino the great rewards hunt is on so join the adventure with draft Kings Casino for fun seekers follow the trail to huge Jack Pops weekly bonuses and exclusive games games like a scene our games and you gamble and you win stuff real stuff You win but like to rip off in the airport where's that?
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Well, sometimes it's like I don't drink Alright, well, this is what you want to do instead you put on your cowboy hat you get on your Like Kenny Rogers you got to know when to hold him know when to follow him. Yeah, you got your got your blackjack You got your roulette It's like a casino in your pocket But I don't know how to play those but the excitement is only getting started because new players can get 500 casino spins on a feature game Just sign up with the code Alice and wait for a minimum of five dollars to receive 500 casino spins on a feature game Only on the most rewarding place to play draft Kings Casino the crown is yours gambling problem call 1 800 gambler in Connecticut help is available for problem gambling call 88878 97777 or visit E g dot org, please play responsibly 21 plus physically present in Michigan, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, West Virginia only void in Connecticut and Ontario eligibility restrictions apply new customers only non withdrawal Casino spins valid for feature game only and expire in 168 hours see terms at casino dot draft Kings dot com slash promos and 427 25 at 11 59 p.m. Eastern time sign up with code Alice and wait for a minimum of five dollars to receive 500 casino spins on a feature Yeah, there's a lot of high pants It's a weird thing like I don't think politician families like they've never if to me The same as like newscasters is like the way that they carry themselves in public and on TV If you like moved into a neighborhood and that guy came over and started talking to you and acting the way politicians do Or newscasters to be like my neighbors a straight up robot But for some weird reason and it's not just in America It's just like a function of human society people want these weird robot people to lead them and if you want to be if you Want to really get that job you got to turn yourself in your family You gotta like make that decision. Hey baby, we're gonna be weird Republican robots or weird democratic robots We can't get to act like normal people because nobody wants to elect a normal person Yeah, I mean when you think about it that Pete Buddha judge guy He's got just as much of a nerdy gay faces.
Yeah, as that guy for sure any differences is he's open. Yeah, you know You think they decide what dog you get to have Let's see movies. I don't know how much of a day there really is I think most people do it to like your to the cells Your PR person, right? I think you naturally a long time ago You don't even realize that you do it anymore There's plenty of people who like every decision they make is calculated towards the effect that they wanted to have and the impression Yeah, they might just be like golden retriever.
What dog do you not like the most? Okay first lab at all? What like labs? Yeah, they're so like chubby ones I don't want to fight them.
I think I'm just saying I don't like them when I was a kid for some weird reason I thought yellow labs were like the coolest dog that there was but I've heard they're like insanely hyper Poodles. I don't like poodles either. I don't like poodles. I like this the more intelligent of their mean dude.
I forget It's a wowzer The skate photographer pulled up to a skate park with his poodle one time and attacked me But was it like a toy poodle or proper big poodle proper big-ass poodle? It was a bigger than scare look see I think we're doing what the world does which is judging somebody because of the way they look No, poodles are ugly and that's why I don't like poodles. Sir, but people there is a group of people out there that I like my dogs I like my women hot and stupid Yeah, one of your dogs literally doesn't have a leg in his head buddy, and that's how he likes it's like I know like it's teeth are falling. It's it's a crime shame that one leg of ladies don't slide into my dames cuz I'd be all over that stuff If Chicle was a human being dude, I would be his friend.
They should make a dude Okay, they should be dating out for people without four limbs and the people who love them. Oh, there's a stumpy date Stumpy date stumper. Yeah, can you get on the bus dumpy dating calm is there like a I'm fucked up, but I want to date somebody who think or is that like farmers calm or whatever? I mean, that's a crazy one.
He wants to hump a stumper. He wants to get pegged by a peg leg I don't I don't I don't like if you've got all your names. That's still cool No, it's not so much that you do to me It doesn't sound like something doesn't mean you don't like it Just like maybe a lot of amputees would be like you would not be interested in me because he sees me as less than No, I wouldn't see is less not less there's a blind I would but there's an angle where it might be even a little extra if you were You would definitely would too see okay, then kind of man I just said death because I don't think anyone say look this ladies in the wheelchair and she gets to date this game Oh, you know what I saw that But that makes total sense. Yeah, he doesn't want to fuck her and she doesn't want to get fucked and But they're friends and whenever he can paint you than 15 pieces of That guy third to the you might get some like we're gonna get some weird fetishy This goes on in wheelchairs on bubble.
I just remembered hot Rather date of an ambulatory amputee than a person in a wheelchair is that no no I would wait rather date at amputee because you're gonna still be able to be mobile enough to go with me to things There's like if you want I'm not I'm a cowboy. Yeah, it's saying right you can't come with me if you're in a wheelchair Yeah, you know what am I putting you on the backpacking it? Yeah? If you got a fake leg, huh?
You can problem Cassidy all the way next to me where I'm going they may not have a ramp That's not just give it a tip. That's a fact. Yeah, where you're going might not have a ramp. Yeah, like If I got a Tony's how's my girlfriend gonna make it up the ramp?
I Look you come over here. Give me a hand And I don't you know I know it's but I cannot go out with somebody who can't get to the top of Tony's rant You're tough, but fair. That's all yeah, that's all I'm trying to say yeah like a monkey You did monkey if it was a woman like a monkey lady. I would get a monkey lady Can we look up a monkey ladies?
I don't think there is one I haven't done that yet. We talked about Lucy recently Lucy. Yeah Lucy's not my time Too evolved That's what you're saying no, it's not what I'm saying. Lady, but she's too nice.
I'm saying you have more monkey Jessica Beel's face, but you have monkey ability. Yeah, oh, okay. Yeah. Oh, yeah, dude.
You're so not her. I don't like that. Hey, Lon Wait, wait, it's just a good beel. What's happening?
I don't like those eyebrows and I don't like her face See, I think you're gonna find it's slim pickins in the monkey community. I agree. No, I'm just saying I wouldn't just I wouldn't say absolutely not Yeah, I agree Thank you, it's a little time to say if you're a one-legged monkey she could carry you up the stairs of the ramp That would be hot. I would go with a giant lady Yeah, like carrying me around like a toddler how big is too big there isn't you sure about that?
Yeah, a 700 foot tall woman We would rule this world. Yeah, well, that's true It would be sick to just get off the ramp and like jump in her arms I wouldn't have to work again if I had a 700 foot girlfriend I would be like in shot. I'll be a manager because we would be doing shows right and we would like we probably become the president of the United States give it time like how could be if not now given another five ten You're right like if you're gonna argue like what if she smashes you into smithereens right? 700 feet tall.
What how would you do like dates? Postmates so but like she probably eats you all cows I was gonna say Chipotle's not gonna do it for me five oh eat my purse. Oh my god. Oh my god That's gonna happen.
I don't like you think I'm gonna go somewhere. I don't do that That's like part of the dating fun Get down there for that one Maybe I use like a fire hose or something. I was thinking what are those like it's not it's not a swiffer But the things you put on the ground that you hit the button and then the thing spins around It's like a not a Roomba. No, not a Roomba because you hold it.
We got one. Oh the thing that you like wax the floor So the thing spins around one of those going Mention squirted. You could like look out below you can ride it wave right it Yeah, okay, maybe seven we could live in the sea if she's seven on a foot tall she could walk me to Australia 700 feet tall. Yeah, yeah in like an afternoon right right.
That'd be cool. Yeah She could keep me warm. Oh, yeah, I mean, I don't really know what you're offering her at this point Yes, I'm a great company. This freeloader has been living in my belly button for the last six months.
Oh belly button is immaculate I keep it that way. Yeah. Yeah Ew So what's this other tick-tock link that's super informative? Oh, this is a thing where this is where I'm bashing myself now I feel like tattoo people tattoo tick-tock everything has got to the point where you're an idiot If you do this if this lady is making money from this if you go to this lady, you're an idiot You're the dumbest person alive and I'm not saying all people with tattoos are dumb But obviously some of us are really dumb because it seems like she has a business.
Okay, let's see what we got here You don't choose I choose the design it chooses you I'm tired. I'm your healing tattoo artist. Oh, no, we begin by clearing in a line. You're doing Let the paint see tuning into your unique frequency No, it's blowing It's saying Look at this.
You got a last triangle vision Tuning for a gun. Yeah, that's very good. Oh god. I can drum this isn't just a tattoo And then she takes out of those wish grandkids that like first grade girls like the big like bigger favorite color bigger favorite number It's just this weird thing where you know the breath work of the world the meditation of the world Because I kick reading of the world.
This is just like the next level of that. Not a big fan of gauges It's just crazy right gauges are just That's usually my kind of girl though gauges. No, but yeah, but no isn't it crazy? I never like I don't almost every girl My ex had that all right.
Just she never wore them When before I met her like photos of her when she was before she met me Yeah, I hated them because yeah, she had lip piercings like four or five of them plugs in her ears She had like weird eyebrows were like super thin and I was just like hell you seem angry But then when I started they know she looked good. She didn't do any of that stuff See everything the nose ring even the the bowl ring that um the the lip stuff like all of it I've seen people pull it off. There's never been one time that I saw somebody with gauges particularly a woman And I thought it would and I teach their own We've got a consensus in this room and we're three fairly different people the ball the ball rings pretty crazy That was a tough one but it can't be done if you have dreadlocks you probably like that girl Yeah, I mean if you but then you're then you have dreadlocks. No, I'm but this but I'm saying that's their little community, you know They're all they're all we don't even working out with each other see this video would be awesome If she goes through all of this shit and then at the end the reveals that she gave him a tramp stamp I'm like a Tasmanian dental or something That would be I know but you know, it's like some stupid logo thing It's just like a bunch of lines and the lines meet they mean something just some insane AI photo of like a rhino smoking And I know it's all bad I know it is suit smoking like the fighting Irish mess Three hours of meditation and stuff and I came up with Smoking hip-hop What the fuck did you do to me?
That's who you are. It's not namaste. Yeah, I feel like she lied about no tattoo is the same You are the smoking rhino. You know me.
I think the tattoo is the same So do they show what she can do because no because it is the same well. Can you click on the the account? Maybe the card Now this chick does not miss a trick she does all this is just like on it But for Tyler doesn't show the tattoo in the phone If you click on the profile thing down there She can't say the tattoo because then you'll know that you're getting the same tattoo Oh, here we go. You know Oh, there's some AI type shit.
What is that all the way to the right? That's not it. That's not it There's no way that that's it. She's showing her that that somebody did her face as a tattoo.
I swear to god this guy Shut up Jason. Yeah, dude. You know this girl just puts a lion's on so many. She's like you get a lion and like no I did it's like the compass tattoo.
It is not it's not a thing. It's just Lions and stuff. It's the amount of it's like the pattern that you see in the back your eyelids when the acid really kicks in No, I mean can she show one of the tattoos that somebody got she can't right if she hasn't got all these photos I mean every video starts with her head looking like dark and Oh god, she's kind of hot and I'm And she covered a really bad tattoo with the yeah, well, what is the way? Yeah, that's a good idea.
That was good I can still see the brick wall in the face, but that's cool. But that's The weird design thing. That's what she does. She does the weird the the designs to she have another face What's the name of like the the watches that people like see that's just a horror movie character He didn't get you don't get the reading and get a horror clamp you get these things that she's not showing because it's the same thing Yeah, and that was her look she's a tattoo artist, but she's also a tick-tock person.
That was her Halloween post. Okay, I got it Is there any can you scroll? like is there any emoji logo things Check out this tattoo. How about that?
I mean she is you just on it. It says check out. I'm Tara Dags. Check out this tattoo.
Oh, I don't wonder She really likes looking at herself. Oh my god. Never gets tired of it. Never ever ever.
I mean she does look cool I mean it's a good tattoo though. Like it is a good tattoo. It is you just have to sit with her first I'd like to see how long it lasts though. Can you smack me in the face with a crystal before you put this beam in?
No, no me she could probably hook that up That'll cost extra but she's definitely got a couple crystals Yeah, you gotta you gotta assume that if there isn't any of the tattoos you get from your psychic reading that it is very So she's gay. Yeah, that was that's cool. I like about it. Yeah, I want to date a lesbian.
Yeah, yeah, she'll go back There's a lot of face on this. I'm also like I'm not super masculine. I'm not like really I'm not a strongly overtly hetero energy I feel like in a weird sort of way you're like a joy that Mike Johnson for sure But there's like two ways that I think you can get a lesbian back from the dark side one is to be like so overwhelmingly just like You know guy from the outback just comes in like white water office space She's just like that raw male sexuality. I have it and the other one is just me where I'm like I kind of am a lesbian just me you know the other way there's another way to fold them back the lesbian cheats on on a Yeah, okay, and then they go back to a man.
I saw it. No, I'm for sure for sure But I feel like very often in the they marry a man. Okay, you know, I've seen that so very I knew the whole time So very often I've seen in lesbian couples There's then you don't see this so often I don't think in gay male couples where there's like the girl who was sort of always been gay or close to it And then there's the one who's maybe gone back and forth a little bit. Yeah getting the one who's not died in the woll gay is that's almost That's not that big deal that happens.
I'm not saying it's inevitable I think very often I would actually like the actual real no she's a lesbian like never had sex with a guy in her entire life kind of woman Yeah, really. Yeah, I wouldn't yeah I mean I like them both. Yeah, I don't know but to me that other chick the one that might come back like she's she's by I like gays Michael. I give mention that yeah you've come a long way on this like a ball the lot on the subject I like the straights, you know, just what I mean to uh-huh.
I mean there are so many should we do worlds greatest straight guy? Yeah, who's the best who's the best they've ever produced? I've got to be in there. I know doubt.
Yeah, right? Right your straight record is unblemished. Yeah blemishes I feel like the key to being the world's greatest straight guy Is to be like low-key, you know, like the rock for instance is not low. He's not like he can't be you know, but like Yeah, you know what I'm trying to say like Bernie Sanders.
Yeah, I don't know You're selling the crap out of heteros. Yeah, yeah, yeah Who is low-key straight like Tom Arnold? Yeah, Tom Arnold is low-key Oh, I thought you meant like like the straight part of it No, no, like he is a straight guy, but he's not like out here like yeah presenting like I'm the straightest guy That neighbor guy from home improvement like everyone just knows you're the straight guy Oh, yeah No, he's the side guy with a fence. Yeah, just the top of his head fence guy.
Yeah, yeah Cenaro Alfe is he a pussy halo nice Who's the dirty at jobs that who what Mike row? Yeah, that's insane. Who he's gonna be in there I've literally never seen that show once. How do you know that?
I don't know how's like there's no way I saw him hocking some stuff on youtube or whatever. Did you know that you want to lose belly fat? You're doing it wrong any great juice clean acewood no flaming Don't you dare go from down here flies helicopter down here. He's a son's gay.
Uh, Scott Eastwood. Yeah, he's bitch made I'm not familiar with Scott's work. It's catching straight. I would hum a let go Shiki baby.
Huh? Shiki baby. Oh, she's very lucky. Oh, what if one of the great traits?
I believe he's straight. Hard rock neck is a legendary straight guy. Oh boy. He's not a straight guy.
I was like around say otherwise eyebrows don't lie we've got to wrap it up we do we started really late. Oh, yeah, I don't think we need to wrap it up Hey, I wanted to tell you guys about a new law that has been passed or is on its way the governor in Idaho signed a bill Criminalizing public breast exposure wait band the titties. Yeah, why would you do that? Well, I think that is more of you know what though.
I don't know. Mm-hmm. Good have it. Okay.
I ain't going there Yeah, but even have people who live there probably give shit about who I don't care about anybody So is that like what are the implications of this? It's just if you breastfeed you will be arrested. No breastfeeding is the only Yeah, I was gonna say okay. Oh wait.
Oh, just can't drop a titty Female breasts was it like an issue there? Well, it's good question Idaho's getting loose First of all, there's like the free the nipple movement. It's got little pockets all over the place Yeah, but you know, it's not a real movement though. There's definitely Moving to my pants when it happens.
Yes. Hey, oh, there's definitely some women who believe pretty strongly in the idea that if men should be You know, if men are allowed to then why can't women and so stupid? I'll tell you why because when your titty comes out I get a boner right and when some dudes to these out I'm like sure I get half-chapped best It's a game Yeah, so the the bill would cover female breasts and I suspect this is a big part of why they're one other passing this thing male breasts altered To look like female breasts. Well played.
So that was the first thing I was gonna do was go to Idaho with fake titties I'm like what's up? So if you're like somewhere in the transition phase, oh, yeah, because it's still a titty Yeah, but guys can still pop nipple. Yeah, but it's gonna be a manly chest What about if you had titties and you got your babies cut off right? You like to show that or what if you're a dude that has big honking man boobs How do you how does the law draw the line?
Well, there grows but is it maybe it's it not now technically illegal for guys to have man boobs out No, you got it. You got to get sent to the little Costa can unless they're really hot man titties Which I don't think I've ever seen no that would be No, I don't think I've ever seen it. Yeah Artificial breasts toys or products that resemble genitals and this means under this law no deal though backens no more truck nuts. Oh No, no, I think that's ridiculous truck nuts The anything good about it is that makes me know I am now notified that the driver of that vehicle is a moron Well, I was gonna say that's the problem with getting rid of them Yeah, but you know identify the douche's it's not it's not if the truck nuts are gone There's other things on that car that notified you can go okay This truck would have truck nuts on it wasn't a week I think we should like ban rev rev fours before we ban truck nuts This makes me want to move to Idaho and put truck nuts on my tesla and then put them in underwear Yeah, the truck nuts on a tesla is just one ball One ball is what that car is with that car so I don't know what's happening anymore Wow, you're just hanging brain out of the underwear in the back here your tesla.
It's a good look Yeah, so what's the consequences? So the first time that you get arrested for this you get charged with a misdemeanor some kind of fine or whatever But the second time if you are repeat truck nut or breast hanging out offender you can be charged with a felony Felony free nipple. Yeah, I mean the second if you get busted it comes out accidentally and they give you a ticket at harsh dude But if you pull it out of your officer that will give somebody a ticket if their boo back It's not only comes out is the most un-American man I've ever met dude I remember this the other day. No, no, I but I was riding my BMX when I was a kid in Australia right at my my business I mean like roll in the dingoes and then lady car pulled me over because you never held on and I'm like 14 or some shit like this is before helmet lords were like really a thing Yeah, and I was like yeah, and she's like do you have one?
I was like yeah when where am I at home? And she's like we need to go get it before you can ride again, and I was like okay, and then she goes I'm gonna Take the air out of your tire so you're forced to walk at home What she fucking flattened my tires on my BMX and now looking back I'm like Like I know this is the podcast I want to but like the sweet the C word isn't has never been more appropriate for something like a lady Yeah, sort a kid like a and I'm talking like 13 14 Yeah, and you fucking put my you've flattened my tires and made me walk home And my my charge was guilty of riding a BMX as a teenager in suburban streets in the eighties No helmet in the eighties. I don't even know if like we had a seriously I hope that ladies that we didn't have we didn't have like target back then we like came on I don't even know if came art had bike helmets and ladies. Yeah, I'm trying to remember like we saw it out We celebrated brain damage in the 80s I remember it was the helmets that you could get to ride a bicycle I would never ride a bicycle again if that was like I was like I put my skateboard helmet on or a motocross helmet on Yeah, but I will not wear what they sell as bicycle helmets.
I will not I will never never do it is up in any way Yeah, I will never do it. Yeah, I won't do it a guy in Portland, Oregon is wondering who is putting gallons of urine in his recycling bin and why I mean that's gonna be the toughest town to guess who's doing that because I would assume a lot of people in Poland collect their urine Dude, that is a lot. I knew a guy who got into that. That is a lot of like a lot of piss So if that's one offender, oh it is it definitely has to be P trail probably there's gotta be I'm sure a medical professional's could give us the reason why so many That's like a very specific thing that like people get super germphobic Some people like the guy that I knew was collecting his Pete and he's like a successful man of the world now But he got a little scrolly for a while there and he was collecting his pee and he was I think even not just observing But taking notes on how like the color yeah change on a day-to-day basis.
That one's that one's red That's the cat miles. No, no inside of it. You see the middle one darker one. Yeah, that looks like the first morning Peep maybe had a special First of all they won't take your recycling if it has pea in it So I'm getting in the recycling the guy was putting it in his recycling bin So he had to go in and they taught he reached out the sanitation and they're like if you put it in the garbage bin will take that So he was literally needing to move a strangers I mean this is every one of these water bottles people can't say is like it's like a two-liter kind of thing It's like more than a day's worth of Pete in each of them I'm gonna put a camera off of that.
He did he did so this guy so first you think of someone homeless person He's just peeing and then they got to get rid of it or something He put up a camera But the person's coming by at night and the camera's only so good so we can see a dude pull up and get out of his car and put A bunch of bottles into the recycling and then drive away So it's a man who at least has a car. Why would you pull the pee out? Why would you go into the recycling bin and pull the P.M. Because they won't the recycling They won't take it won't take Pete so he needs to move it from a safe so but did I feel like they would accidentally take it You know what I mean?
That's not what happened So he started pulling his bins in and only putting him out in the morning when the collection happens and the guy started putting his Pea in his neighbors bins. That's like where he jumps it off. Yeah, can't get the license plate of that car He's and he's getting like a better one on the left looks a little right. I think he even tried Put it's like set a trap moving his bin a little bit closer to his front door to try to get a better Like he's like oh, I'm gonna get him on videos.
Oh cool. I got him shit I can't see who he is I'll move it closer shit I still can't see who it is and that point is like fuck I like one of those things you want it to be like a room like a glorious like I caught you But actually it's just like yeah, can you please stop putting the peeing in my recycling bin illegal? Like it's very it's probably a biohazard. Okay, even though he is sterile in many of the greats have been known to drink it It is a weird thing that who cares is such a dumb story, but boy do I want to know why that guy does that's what I'm saying Yeah, but you've got me yeah, yeah, and my question I guess is let's say they track this guy down.
What do you think is an appropriate punishment for making drink it? Yeah, thank you that's exactly where I came down to the mouse or especially the orange one Well said You're in news. Hell yeah, man. We gotta do your news more often.
Yeah, like that's a good pretty well People of the world start paying and doing weird shit. Yeah, we gotta get an intro for that. Jackie. Can you do your news intro?
Yeah? For what for your news right now? You're in news like a theme song better. Yeah, it's like you're not yeah Thank you're gonna do a little bit of that.
It was almost like we didn't start the urine news segment You want me to do right now? Yeah, okay, okay, tiktok So I like sing like a little news jingle. It's in your hands, bro. Okay Do you know what I'm doing?
You're in news this like that. Can you not talk over a jakey doing your news? You did it. No, it's not going Everybody's gonna shut up until you have notified us.