EPISODE · Dec 30, 2018 · 6 MIN
mindFULL
from Hashmoder · host Hashmoder
Buy this track from Bandcamp https://hashmoder.bandcamp.com/track/mindfull Hashmoder (Omar Hash): Music composition, sound design, instruments, vocals, vocoder, arrangements, programming, mixing and mastering. 'mindFULL' is carefully constructed electronic music track with synthesizer baselines (syncopated), granular synthesis and pad layers, all evolving very tightly in and out of each other texturally and musically, along a mildly distorted groove of a drum machine. This track is about being a victim/survivor from a highly manipulative and malignant person who has borderline and narcissistic personality disorders on the full spectrum. Hence the dreamy ethereal sounds. Overall meaning is about the honeymoon state at the start of the relationship, but then it becomes chaotic; whenever there was chaos, the abused victim dreams of going back to the honeymoon state and staying there for validation ('trauma bonding') after being devalued and discarded by the borderline/narcissist; and no matter what, even after the relationship is over, a part of the victim still loves and misses the good idea/image which the abused only hopes the abuser to become (again: trauma bonding). Hence the middle part of the track sounding chaotic but quantized, then gradually going back to pleasant-sounding etherealness. In essence, this track is about a dream of 'what it might've been' if everything stayed constantly beautiful; and also it’s a mourning -- the death of someone whom the victim misses terribly but that person does not exist in real life, because such a person is a chameleon, a person wearing a mask at all times, lacking empathy. ______________________________ LYRICS: BIG ROUND EYES BEAUTIFUL FACE POISE AND GRACE A LOVE REVISED THIS STORY BEGINS HEART OF HEARTS VISION, DESIRE MIND AND SPIRIT THICKENING SKIN IMAGINED ART TRANSITION, FIRE REFINED AND VIVID DREAMING OF TWO REGARD AND TRUST RELIANCE, SHELTER HONOR AND PRIDE KINDNESS, VIRTUE MERCY AND JUST FORGIVER, HELPER UNION MAGNIFIED CHAOS I MUST WARN YOU CHAOS IT’S JUST A DREAM CHAOS GOT TO GET UP CHAOS I WARNED YOU FLY FADING AWAY FLY FLY FADING AWAY FLY FADING AWAY CHAMELEON EXPLOITATION AMBIVALENCE DEGRADATION
What this episode covers
Buy this track from Bandcamp https://hashmoder.bandcamp.com/track/mindfull Hashmoder (Omar Hash): Music composition, sound design, instruments, vocals, vocoder, arrangements, programming, mixing and mastering. 'mindFULL' is carefully constructed electronic music track with synthesizer baselines (syncopated), granular synthesis and pad layers, all evolving very tightly in and out of each other texturally and musically, along a mildly distorted groove of a drum machine. This track is about being a victim/survivor from a highly manipulative and malignant person who has borderline and narcissistic personality disorders on the full spectrum. Hence the dreamy ethereal sounds. Overall meaning is about the honeymoon state at the start of the relationship, but then it becomes chaotic; whenever there was chaos, the abused victim dreams of going back to the honeymoon state and staying there for validation ('trauma bonding') after being devalued and discarded by the borderline/narcissist; and no matter what, even after the relationship is over, a part of the victim still loves and misses the good idea/image which the abused only hopes the abuser to become (again: trauma bonding). Hence the middle part of the track sounding chaotic but quantized, then gradually going back to pleasant-sounding etherealness. In essence, this track is about a dream of 'what it might've been' if everything stayed constantly beautiful; and also it’s a mourning -- the death of someone whom the victim misses terribly but that person does not exist in real life, because such a person is a chameleon, a person wearing a mask at all times, lacking empathy. ______________________________ LYRICS: BIG ROUND EYES BEAUTIFUL FACE POISE AND GRACE A LOVE REVISED THIS STORY BEGINS HEART OF HEARTS VISION, DESIRE MIND AND SPIRIT THICKENING SKIN IMAGINED ART TRANSITION, FIRE REFINED AND VIVID DREAMING OF TWO REGARD AND TRUST RELIANCE, SHELTER HONOR AND PRIDE KINDNESS, VIRTUE MERCY AND JUST FORGIVER, HELPER UNION MAGNIFIED CHAOS I MUST WARN YOU CHAOS IT’S JUST A DREAM CHAOS GOT TO GET UP CHAOS I WARNED YOU FLY FADING AWAY FLY FLY FADING AWAY FLY FADING AWAY CHAMELEON EXPLOITATION AMBIVALENCE DEGRADATION
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mindFULL
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