Misguided: The Soundtrack To My Life

Chapter Nine – I Felt The Earth MoveMusic featured in this chapter:I Feel the Earth Move – Carol KingWhat Is A Youth - Glen WestonI Don’t Need No Doctor – Ray CharlesThere is double meaning to that title, which readers of my memoir might have realized. As discussed in the previous chapter, my pre-cult sex education both at home and at school was quite inadequate. In this chapter I discuss my sexual maturation, which was occurring in the context of Berg’s deviant sexual teachings within the closed community of the cult. In the following academic article published in the International Cultic Studies Association journal, International Journal of Coercion, Abuse and Manipulation, Vol 8, 2025, I describe Berg’s sexual grooming of his followers through a series of publications: As each new doctrine filtered down through the ranks, there was often a disconnect between what Berg taught in his letters addressed directly to all his followers, and what regional and local leaders were allowing and implementing. In this chapter I describe my first secretive sexual experiences and my confusion over what I was permitted to do or not.In the first part of this chapter I describe my first few months in Japan, evangelizing on the road in southern Honshu with another member. On that long road trip my partner had a sexual encounter with a non-member, and when he reported it to our leaders in Tokyo he was reprimanded for it. We both thought he was just obeying Berg’s teachings, so that added to my confusion over the new sexual doctrines. I was then recruited to work in the regional leaders home in Tokyo, where at age 18 I had my first sexual experiences. My first teen love story did not end happily.I befriended other neighbours too. On the block beside our building there was a small convenience store. I quickly made friends with the owner who often invited me into his home in the back for tea. ...A few times he invited me to join him and his wife for dinner.At one of those meals he introduced me to his niece, Keiko, who had recently moved to Tokyo to attend school. She was about my age and lived nearby in her own apartment a short walk up the narrow lane that separated the two blocks. ... I invited her to one of our weekend parties.... Near the end of an exuberant evening of spiritually inspiring singing and dancing, one of the hosts led our visitors in a group salvation prayer. Caught up in the infectious enthusiasm, Keiko joined in. She was probably still emotionally aroused when I walked her home soon after.Outside her building I said goodbye and reached out to give her an habitual holy hug, a non-sexual brotherly love embrace we used as a greeting or when departing. Before I joined I never saw people, including my own family, hug like that. It wasn’t part of Japanese culture either, so while I naively intended my hug as a purely spiritual gesture, Keiko interpreted it differently. Tightening our embrace, she suddenly started kissing me, taking my breath away.I succumbed to the sensuality spreading from her soft lips and tongue, and we continued kissing for several minutes before I left. That was the first time I had kissed a girl, and I was infatuated by it. After the next party she came to, instead of walking her straight home, I took her to the roof top of our building.... I wasn’t sure how Abby and Laadah would react, even though I was 18 years old, so I didn’t tell them about those two make out sessions. If they had known, they might not have given me permission when Keiko invited me to go out with her and her friends for a meal and a movie....I also don’t know if Keiko, or her friends, intentionally chose the movie, 1968’s Romeo and Juliet, which was re-released in 1973. The love story, and particularly the bedroom balcony scene, fuelled my desire and inspired me to find a way to be alone with my Juliet. I had to be as sneaky as Romeo to make that happen without anyone knowing.Fortunately, I wasn’t as closely supervised in that commune as in previous ones. A few times I had the staff apartment to myself when the others were out of town on a litnessing road trip or some other mission.... I had no intention of telling Abby and Laadah about that sexual tryst with Keiko. Mindful of how Brother Sun was reprimanded for his flirty fishing sexcapade, I was sure they would disapprove. Keiko was also trying to keep our affair a secret from her uncle. She was worried her nosy neighbour might tell him if she saw or heard me coming and going from her apartment late at night, so she came to my place the next time I was alone for the weekend. However, considering the almost Shakespearean way we were discovered, we were apparently star-crossed just like the playwright’s forbidden lovers.We had just started to make-out, playfully rolling around on the floor semi-clothed, when the floor itself began to rock and roll. It wasn’t us making the earth move, it was an earthquake! When an earthquake strikes, it can take several seconds to realize what’s happening. Our sexual arousal probably also delayed our reaction as the building began to sway, until things started falling off a shelf.We jumped up and dashed to the window, sticking our heads out to see what was going on. Abby and Laadah were doing the same thing in their apartment directly above. Looking down, they saw two heads where there should have only been one and called out to me. Caught in the act, I didn’t know how to react. Keiko left, and I never saw her again....I Feel the Earth Move – Carol KingI feel the earth move under my feet I feel the sky tumbling down, tumbling down I feel my heart start to trembling Whenever you’re aroundHere is the Japanese poster for the 1968 movie Romeo and Juliet, which was re-released in 1973. It played in Tokyo in 1974, which is when I saw it with Keiko.What Is A Youth - Glen Weston, love theme in the 1968 movie Romeo and Juliet. Spoiler alert: Romeo and Juliet die, just like my secret relationship with Keiko did.What is a youth Impetuous fire What is a maid Ice and desire The world wags on A rose will bloom It then will fade So does a youth So does the fairest maid Comes a time when one sweet smile Has its seasons for awhile Then Love’s in love with me Some may think only to marry Others will tease and tarry Mine is the very best parry Cupid he rules us all Caper the cape, sing me the song Death will come soon to hush us along Sweeter than honey and bitter as gall Love is a pass-time that never will pall Sweeter than honey and bitter as gall Cupid he rules us allIn this chapter I also describe the time I almost died because of Berg’s doctrines regarding medical care. After the leaders discovered my affair with Keiko, they feared problems with her uncle and father, who was a policeman, so they sent me away from Tokyo.I soon left on a road trip to Shikoku island where my next sexual encounter got me into more trouble. My partner and I were staying in a youth hostel in the city of Komatsushima when I woke up in the middle of the night with the worst abdominal pain I’ve ever experienced. I suffered for hours, barely enduring the agony, waiting for the day to start. My worried partner told the hostel manager who suggested I go to the Red Cross hospital, which fortunately was right across the street. My partner insisted I go, but I resisted at first, reluctant because of my indoctrination.Berg taught that God allowed sickness to punish us for our sins or to test our faith. He made it clear from the beginning that going to a doctor showed a lack of faith and trust in God’s healing power. One of the earliest Mo Letters was “Faith And Healing”. It concerns Japheth and Hannah, the leaders of the Port Alberni commune where I joined. ......I didn’t know if God was punishing me for my sins or testing my faith. Regardless, hours of excruciating pain eventually overpowered my fear of failing God. I agreed to go to the hospital. After an examination in the emergency ward, I waited unbearably long for the blood test and x-ray results, moaning, groaning and pacing around the waiting area....As they wheeled me into the operating room, I was dreading both the surgery and the consequences of disappointing God and my leaders. The kind nurse who prepped me must have noticed how nervous I looked because she comforted me by holding my hand as I went under. Afterwards, the doctor told me he operated just in time as my infected appendix was close to rupturing. If it had it could’ve caused serious problems, even death, if left untreated. My indoctrination almost prevented me from getting that treatment. Pain probably saved my life....According to Berg’s dogma, God allowed my appendicitis for a reason, so Abby and Medad came down from Tokyo to find out what that was. Suggesting I was out of God’s will in some way, they pressed me to confess. In my fragile state, facing another interrogation about sex so soon after the other, it didn’t take much pressure to break me.If God was testing my faith with the illness, then I failed him by having surgery. If he was punishing me, I wasn’t sure why. It was like I was back in the Catholic confessional booth, childishly trying to think of some sins I must’ve been be guilty of. I couldn’t think of anything I did to displease God prior to my illness that Abby and Medad hadn’t already dealt with in Tokyo. Needing to confess something, though, I told them about the gaijin hunter in the hospital. ... I remained based out of the Osaka commune for a few more months, until I was arrested by an immigration officer.I Don’t Need No Doctor – Ray CharlesI don’t need no doctor For my prescription to be filled I don’t need no Aspirins (I don’t need no doctor) I don’t need no lotion (I don’t need no doctor) I say, I don’t need (I don’t need no doctor) No vitamin pills (I don’t need no doctor) I don’t need no surgery (I don’t need no doctor) This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit perrybulwer344598.substack.com