Mismanage Expectations at your peril

Expectations are a close cousin to comparison. Both will eat away at you and hurt you if you apply them wrongly, not only as a person, but in whatever you're trying to accomplish. The key takeaway is to remember that all expectations are future based and therefore subject to assumptions. Under normal circumstances we can assume but history is littered with black swan events that blow away expectations. Listen to the 22nd Panzer div story!Don't get me wrong. There is a good side to expectations and comparison. It is healthy to expect better of yourself. It is healthy to strive for things that mean something to you and if there is someone who is already achieving what you want, learning from them and comparing the standards that they set for what you want to aspire to is beneficial but expecting to be like them and comparing yourself to them is detrimental because you will always feel bad if you cannot replicate or have what they have. Having high expectations is fine if you are forgiving of yourself when things go wrong because resilience is easier when we are realistic about things going wrong. We control far less than we imagine. Thinking it is all in our hands feels safe, but perhaps if we see expectations as motivation rather than definite, we become psychologically more prepared to handle problems.If you invest in the stock market and you have high expectations of a “sure bet” it will encourage arguably too much risk. There is no way anybody can tell the future and what will happen in the world so, if you have expectations that things will go very well, you must consider the alternative and then invest whatever you're comfortable with losing.Historically if you stay invested for a long time the odds turn in your favour but if you're looking for a short term gain, disaster can easily happen. Similarly, in your career, you need to invest in yourself and have expectations of bringing high standards for a long time. Compound work over a long period pays the best dividends and early on the progress is often hard to notice. Setting realistic expectations of what you can achieve with a clear understanding that these are assumptions makes it more like a puzzle that you are trying to solve or conquer. It becomes unhealthy when you start to measure these expectations against timescales which don't consider unimagined problems. When you expect things to turn out a certain way then you’re setting yourself up without the flexibility of having to deal with a totally different landscape if the black swan event occurs. Expectations are a particularly a problem when working with other people especially if we expect them to behave in a way that we would behave or how we expect them to act, which is rare. We each see the world with our own logic, and it is arrogant and foolish to believe that our view of the world is best and right for others to follow, which they can’t anyway because their life experiences are so different from ours. Communication of each person’s expectations, their assumptions brings understanding and a better chance of a good outcome. We must check in regularly and keep updating our expectations for healthier relationships. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices