Missouri: Hot Mess Express and Red Carpet Dictator Treatment

Welcome to Missouri, where it’s so hot even protests are sweating democracy out of existence, but don’t worry — a $2 million stealth bomber flyover made sure taxpayers felt the burn too. While politicians swap awkward handshakes with Putin and Gavin Newsom sharpens his 2028 audition tape, Missouri public schools slide down the rankings faster than grocery prices climb. Meanwhile, St. Charles may get a shiny new data center (because what’s transparency when you can have tech bros and higher utility bills?). Media spin is losing ground to independent voices, gender politics are still stuck in the 1950s, and we’re left wondering: will anyone actually write this mess down so future generations know exactly how ridiculous it was?